StoryTime: Getting "Ghosted" by a Friend. 

+lepetitecherie Its so weird, I know. I'm sorry that you're experiencing it because I really understand how you feel. I was lucky because I learned the reason for the dumping, but like I said in the video, some don't get that. Ultimately it doesn't matter, because even if you were to learn why, or return to friendship, it would never be the same. You'd constantly be looking over your shoulder, wondering when the friend would repeat the incident. So while its hard, try to come to terms with it, because somewhere down the road a better friend will come into your life!

Jordanna Rowan youre not alone...i wish i could explain something to bring peace. but ive yet to figure it out for myself

They lost interest or they met a better friend this happened to me and the only reason why my best friend came back after years is because her other new best friend broked up with her ironic

Maybe the person was jealous or envious of you in someway....

Borderline behaviour.

Maybe nothing

the exact same thing happened to me, friends for about 15 years, since were 10, we helped eachother a lot throught out university, when the next big step in life started to kick she ghosted me, I'm so sorry that kind of thing happened to you.

The other time happend in november and it was my oldest friend. We became neighbors the summer before first grade I was 6, she was 7. Whe became fast friends we went everywhere together, played over the fence when one or both of us was grounded. She became the sister I didn't have and I replaced the one she wasn't alowed to be close to. We've been friends for 20 years more like family than friends. There have been a lot of ups and downs we have separated but always come back together. It was in her Senior, my Junior year of high school that our friendship started to feel like work. She is a really sickly person, one part or another of her body is always trying to kill her and that year she was so sick she had to be homeschooled. The next year she went out of state for school but was still too ill to make it so she had to drop out and return home. That really hurt her, she didn't see a way to grow up and be on her own because everytime she tried she got ill and had to return home. This became a sore spot in our relationship and lead to a few fights. That was the year my grandmother died, she was my favorite person in the world and like a sureget grandmother to my friend. But my friend barely acknowledged her passing. Like some stranger had died and not the woman who practically raised us. It hurt but I figured she was grieving in a different way. Even though I needed her and had been there for her when her grandparents (people I never knew) died I let it go. She would make plans to move in with me when I went to college (just 2 hours from home) and break them, she would make plans to visit and cancel. We started to fall apart more and more but still we fixed things everytime this went on for years. I'm at a point in my life that I am really poor and she is doing really well. So she started to send me things all the time for myself and my family, things we didn't ask for but we appreciated and she knew I could not match these things monitory but she was fine with it an kept doing it and our friendship was the best it had been in years. Not only did It feel like I had my friend back but like I had my sister back. Two years ago she came down to visit and I thought we were having the best time but when a stranger asked if we were sisters I said yes like we had always done our whole lives but she told this person no that we were just friends. That really hurt me, really really hurt me. I almost cried right there but I knew she had started to get close to her real sister for the first time so I didn't tell her how much she had hurt me. She made plans to visit the following summer but didn't and she changed those plans to this summer but we have stopped speaking so I assume those are cancelled as well. The thing was she was so sick so I wasn't mad. I'd give her space and support and did everything I could for her. She had a couple of cancer scares and almost bled to death a few times from a nose bleed (seriously). I keep telling her to get out of that town even if its just to see a better doctor but she won't. I lost two beloved pets tragically (my pets are my children) and all she said was a dismissive sorry in a text and wouldn't really talk to me about my pain like before with my grandmother even though I had always been there for her. The last time we spoke I had gotten a message from her mother in November that she was in the hospital bleeding again and i was prepared to sell everything I owned to get a ticket to go see her. I was so scared. But she got back with me and we had a fight like little kids. I was telling her how scared and worried I was and she told me i shouldn't be. I told her about all of the research I had done (at her request) and she told me she wasn't interested. It got to a point where she basically said that she wasn't going to listen to me and to leave her alone. It was vauge but I felt a finality to it. I gave her some time and then tried to message her on facebook but she had unfriened me like she usually did when we had a big fight so I sent her a request that she accepted and I messaged her a couple of times but she unfriened me again instead of responding. It hurt but i figured she wasn't ready so I gave her more time and sent another message around Christmas but I didn't hear from her then or on my birthday two months later. Her birthday is in a couple of weeks and I plan to send a last ditch message to her then and if we can't fix things then I don't think we ever will. This time feels so final. I don't feel like if I really need her she would be there. I still love her and I want her back in my life but its hard to hold on for so long knowing you are intentionally being shut out.

+Emily Frady Wow... those people are strange. I don't think they are mean, but I think they don't know where they are - which is not an excuse to treat your like this. I hope you'll find some friends that'll stick with you the way you wanna stick with them.

+TheMissFrenchy Thank you. I have two really close friends that I dont believe have it in them to treat people like this. The hardest part is that I am really selective in who I befriend so I usually only have 5 or less that I truly open up to and confine in. Because of this the loss of anyone of them is really traumatic.

I'm sorry, @Emily Frady . I can relate to these experiences, and I really feel your pain.

+torrinpaige Heather, I so relate to everything you just said. I've experienced the same thing as a SAHM - when I chose to go back to school, I was shocked by how unsupportive some of my own family members were. Since I was attending at night, I'd drop Finn at school and then go to sleep during the day. On the weekends the three of us barely went out - we slept. I'd miss calls and texts, and of course I'd TRY to get back to everyone, but it wasn't a priority for me. I needed to do the time and finish what I'd started. I think what was most shocking was how everyone became angry when I didn't respond immediately, or when they went weeks without seeing me, and especially Finn. Strangely enough, no one offered to help me - not to say that anyone said no when I asked, they just didn't think to offer first. It was annoying how personally some of this was taken and I think its because I had been, like you, so readily available. "Oh we can drop in whenever because Siobhan's home," or my favorite, "Siobhan won't mind, because she's not doing anything." I usually don't make a lot of waves either, but the whole experience opened my eyes up to some of those weird truths I'd been avoiding for a long time. I don't know what you do everyday, but scheduling has helped me. Going to the same places each week, and the dealing with the same people. When you leave your house and feel busy, everyone else is irrelevant. Let em come to you.

I'm the same way. I'm able to separate friendship from differences in opinions. But not everyone can I guess.

+ladollyvita333 I think the level of opinions in common defines how the relationship will go. I have a friend who is very, very religious and I don't share that, because she has some opinions on gender roles and homosexuality that shock me. But on the other hand, we can be very close for a lot of things. I know she will never be my best friend because religion is so important in her life when I am the kind of person that questions reality a lot, but I know we'll still keep a sort of friendship. It's the kind of person I'd gladly invite to my wedding in memory in all the laughs we had in high school, and same on her side. I guess sometimes to preserve a friendship there are grounds you shouldn't be going to; but having different opinions means you'll love the person for something else: I know she is one of the kindest person I know and that's why I wish to remain friends with her. I guess your friend put a lot of importance in opinions - which is understandable as well.

I even told her I will be her Tour guide and it will be my honor. I kinda understand that her priorities are different from mine but I just hope she can be honest with me about it.

+Tania the Pirate That actually makes me feel little better Tania, so thank you. And I'm glad you're into them! Going back to hair stuff now!

:D

+Nottipezzini Hey don't be hard on yourself. That sounds like she was a toxic person. And in those cases its a matter of keeping yourself physically and emotionally safe. Not knowing more then what you just said, I think the decision you made was probably the appropriate one. Besides, you were talking to her and sharing thoughts. What I've read of ghosting is little different. It just comes out of left field - all communication down - with no explanation.

+ladollyvita333 she probably felt that way. I have been ghosted by a girl I thought was my best friend, that she was like a sister to me. After she had her first child she began to shut me out and then dissappear completely. I get that I was too much for her to handle at the time but it is something that still hurts. All I wanted was to be like a sister to her since she had none and be a support for her and her baby. Eventhough it has been eight years since the fact she still hates me for some reason. I think I know of one reason she could be upset but that part wasn't any of her business and something she knew about. Right now I feel better off alone. With the exception of my friendship I have made online.

+Nottipezzini Well whatever works, works. I enjoy turning to the internet and the friends I've met here when I feel lonely. Thankfully I haven't felt that way in awhile. Its just been this, although after filming and uploading, its been a lot lighter. Maybe I got it out of my system? We all make mistakes and do selfish things. It happens. But its ok to believe that our friends should TRY to understand and forgive us. They aren't perfect either, but we still love them. Even when we're wrong, it can't be one-sided. When it is, we obviously suffer and thats not fair. I was wrong, maybe you were wrong - in a way it doesn't matter that we feel we don't deserve it. We can't do anything about what or how someone feels about us. I imagine that your friend, while angry, is probably sorry too, even if its somewhere deep down.

+jadedfaeriee Thank you! Although if you knew what I said, you might be able to see her point. She had every right to feel as she did - she even commented on the post that upset her - but because I didn't see how upset she was, I just carried on, like everything was normal. And instead of telling me, she ghosted me. LOL All a big vicious circle, and now two friends, aren't friends anymore. Its all so bizarre!

I was ghosted by a 51 year old "friend." I might be single and she might be married and there was approval on both sides and there was boundaries but I need better understanding of some things since I have ASD (look it up). She was someone I was fond of for her knowledge.

+Giang Doan Well as it turns out I am a millennial! Can't be a traitor to my generation, lol. And good luck! The set a date thing has really worked for me! I don't know why, how or when I thought to begin doing it, but its been great!

+Angelique Rossau Wow I'd never thought about those two words being something that correlated. But it makes sense! I get nervous using the word narcissist because it gets thrown around so much lately. I think a lot of people miss out on its true meaning and toss it about like a regular old insult. Sounds like your ex friend was definitely passive aggressive - mine wasn't. I'm not sure I'd call her a narcissist either. I don't think that would be an appropriate adjective - she let me down (and vice versus) - but in my experience beforehand she was quite loving and generous. She actually texted me on Mother's Day to say hello. We didn't have a conversation, which a few weeks ago would've disappointed me. So I guess I'v made progress in that it doesn't bother me as much anymore - still sort of bittersweet and sad, but I'm not feeling angry anymore! But thank you for that comment. It meant a lot knowing you had my back!!

That is so nice to hear! Thank you!!

+Emily Borghere Well thanks! For a while I thought I might be over reacting. Actually I think a lot of people get accused of that when they get dumped - its always nice to connect with someone else who gets it.

+KillMeIfYouDontLikeAnime AnimeFan41 “Ghosting” is when someone you’re dating ends the relationship by cutting off all communication, without any explanation. It can happen with friends or family too.

Emily Frady Thank you so much

+KillMeIfYouDontLikeAnime AnimeFan41 You're welcome :)

I've never heard this term, either....but I guess I've done it a couple times (in my teens), once with a friend and once with a long distance boyfriend. It wasn't intentional...it just happened. 😞

+Jennifer Meyer Thank you for such a well thought out comment! It was interesting to read all those statistics. Looks like I have some research in my future! I especially enjoyed the quote at the end. It's always a gamble putting up ones personal thoughts on the internet because you never know what someone might take away from it. Sometimes I forget that I'm part of a larger community, one that may take issue with something I say or think - perhaps as a New Yorker I forget that I don't live in a bubble (something a lot of us do maybe). I am a millennial, albeit an older one - its something that I hadn't ever really thought about, and mentioned here. But I think the point I was making, or trying to, was much more simple. Or at least thats how it came across in my mind. I DO believe that the values of my parents' generation were a little more substantial - I can't help that. As a parent myself now, to a school age child (who isn't a millennial, yes), I watch as she faces challenges like common core curriculum, and of course I scrutinize the media she absorbs and the behaviors of her peers. There are many things that seem so unbalanced to me, not only in what she's being taught and why, but also in how she's expected to behave. And those observations extend to things I've noticed about (some) millennials I've exchanged or worked with, in "real" life and online. I suppose every generation faces unique challenges and I think I was trying to articulate that I thought ours, aside from all current news, wars and humanitarian issues, could be social media. A blessing and a curse all in one? Everything I said in that segment was leading up to me making a reference about "ghosting," a term I hadn't been familiar with and a "phenomenon" on social media that I'd never known about. The question I was posing to myself, involved wondering if this generation's heavy reliance on their smart phones had anything to do with the behavior of my friend, or anyone else who chose to end a relationship the way she had. My conclusion was, no, its not fair to do that. You're right, generalizations can be dangerous. To my credit, I thought I'd acknowledged this while sharing my thoughts, so I hope you won't judge me too harshly! You may be right. Maybe it is just classic "kids of today" thoughts! Thank you for watching and supporting me! :)

+ladollyvita333 I think what social media - what easier comminication in general does - is make ghosting a) clearer and b) more public. Your friend-- in the days of pen and ink and cheap evening phone calls, how often would you have called to her? It was easier to drift (communication took more effort), and often less obvious - maybe you'd still exchange christmas cards, but it'd be easier to assume that she didn't have the time to contact. A ghosting would have been a drifting apart. I agree that ghosting or active slow-fading (that's what I hear about more wrt friendships) is just about the worst because it can do a number on your confidence - it means you worry more if another friend has to cancel, or doesn't get back to you straightaway. It makes you second-guess yourself, your judgement and what people mean when they talk to you so much. It's pretty cruel, really, but... well, I guess it's just a lot easier that saying, "yes, we got on very well, but when I'm not around you in person, I don't miss you."

+Jennifer Meyer I totally agree with the portion about christmas cards and such. Growing up I did observe my parents make occasional calls and have the yearly get together party, but that only applies to my experience with friendship to a point. My mother had two or three best friends, and like me, she'd speak to them every other day or so. With the evolution of text messaging, thats evolved into me shooting out quick little messages instead, but personally, I'm a person who prefers real talk and in person visits. And not to knock on the valid point you've made, but maybe thats part of being raised by a baby boomer? I love social media (otherwise I wouldn't be on youtube) but sometimes it feels stifling! But please don't think that I'm referring to you, because I've truly loved this exchange! Anyway, it depends on who and when, but I've always been a friend that reaches out and who does so frequently. Of course thats been less so with acquaintances or buddies overseas, but I'm a person who enjoys that sort of regular interaction. The girl that ghosted me, is/was the same. And thats where some of the confusion began for me. From what I've been reading online, cause I'm crazy and will research everything lol, ghosting is done for many reasons, not only (and including) "we got on but I don't miss you when we're not in person." That thought in it of itself would probably be a sufficient explanation (although a very sad one) to me, and if someone were to say that I would understand that my friendship wasn't valuable to them and that they wanted out. It sucks, but its still just enough information for a person to get the whole, "its over," thing. I was referring more to a scenario in which two people talk several times a week, and then cold turkey, no communication. Situations in which you don't know, because you aren't told that the relationship is done. :(