"Tatemae" : One thing foreigners should understand about Japanese culture in Japan 

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Sincerity is better. You can still be kind in how you say what you really think or dont say anything. There is no intimacy in Tatemae.

We have the same concept of Tatemae in Filipino and we call it "ligoy" which literally mean "to go around" but also idiomatically refer to the concept of Tatemae you're describing. But recently, the new generation started to call it being "plastic" which is a derogatory term. Nobody wants to be called plastic or fake so the new generation would rather say things straight and the media and other very well-known personalities like Soriano (religious leader) and Duterte (the president) are being appreciated for their being frank, and along with the western companies in the Philippines, the younger generation Filipinos are now slowly adopting the culture of being frank and honest than going around the bush or saying something but meaning different things.

"The ones who say they hate or don't care about this Japanese culture are the ones who care the most." Hilarious insight! 😂

Here in Germany we have a honne culture and I'm glad for that.

In the USA we call that difference two faced

Thanks santi for covering this topic up in depths. To be honest, this topic has been a huge chunk of interest for me as well regarding the Japanese interaction culture. I've had a few Japanese friends since I was much younger and until now even. So I can see how prominent this 'culture' for the Japanese society, and it somehow intrigued me. I'm a female, and I also find it quite different interacting with a Japanese female and Japanese male, even in the context of 'tatemae culture'. I do feel it has its pros and cons, I can't really categorized it as bad or good but I believe this same culture existed especially in 'Asian' countries, its just that its much more prominent in Japan and not so verbally edicted in other parts of Asia. For Asians, it's just being part of being considerate and nice, as well as being seen as someone who is able to actually assess situations and the perfect timing to actually do or say something. Should I just say that we Asian have higher appraisal towards sensitivities? hahaha... For me, how do I know if my Japanese friend is actually saying what they actually feel or think....there's only 1 thing, I do - observe more and wait. LOL. There's always something between the lines. Sorry for the long comment. Anyway, nice coverage. Looking foward for the next video 🤗🤗🤗

Thank you for the video! Very informative and insightful 😂

Santi, this is a must-see vlog for business people looking to do business in Japan.

Hello Santi-san, this is my first time watching your channel. I am really impressed by your demeanor and way of speaking. It's very direct and concise, not something I'm used to from other Japanese people. It is refreshing! You seem very mature as well and someone with a lot of experience in Keigo/business practises. Looking forward to more videos!

Thank you for this video. I now understand the Japanese thought process much better and its actually made me consider the way I communicate in english.

Very deep driven X 100. I think It takes more time think what I would react or say to him rather than actual goal or work in jobs.

Great video!

love your videos! 💞 sooo useful 😊 thank you so much 🙇‍♀️

Very interesting thank you so much.

I have learned a lot of things from you Santi San. Actually I binge most of your videos here. They are very informative. 👍🙂 And also your funny too. 🤗

I really like your videos it's so interesting ! Keep going

This guy is great

we have this kind of attitude towards other people, not to hurt their feelings or not to be rude😂

after watching the entire video I understand tatemae perfectly thank you once again santi

My mom knew a 'tatemae' lady to such an extreme (in a good way, please) that when she told the lady she would even find a good quality in the devil, she said: "oh, he is really persistente." Thanks Japan for 'tatemae' ...🙏

Thank you 🙏 I got it 😄

When you said that not putting a dot in the end it was kind of funny. Because in Russian, when we casually speak, and someone puts a dot in the end, especially if it's short sentence, it sounds like a person is mad, or too serious. Bonus mad points if they started sentence with proper upper case. But it's not always, some people just write like that. Edit: I just read that Russia is high-context language, apparently. Now i see why thought that all Santi said sounded obvious, lol

Holy cow - I am now questioning all my Japanese friendships 😮

love the story about the pizza box balancing on the garbage bin XD aru aru

You speak VERY good English! Thank you. I wish I could speak Japanese as well as you speak English.

Good

Santiさん　どうも　ありがとう　ございます。 先週末　日本人の友達と　本音と建前について　相談しました。このビデオは　大切です。even if the Japanese people in America claim they want to learn english and adapt to the easy-going culture, they will still be likely very "Japanese" so i need to careful about 建前, but also frustrated a bit as I am a very direct person. I am a Chinese girl living in NYC . i speak good english and i am currently learning Japanese. SometImes I don't know whether this Japanese expat meets me for english practicing or just he likes me. I am kind of afraid to tell him my feelings. By the way: I learn more about Japanese culture from you than my Japanese teachers and dates!

yesss，tatemae culture is totally exists

Thank you, for 47:51' !

Lots of details but I actually like it I wouldn't call it "fake" because we both know I didn't like it but without telling or hurting you and you will read the atmosphere and change the topic or the idea to not hurt me or make me feel obligated to do it And that's all by just saying ummmm and some gaps 😂👏🏽 Very nice, video lol

Seems Santi is still working out his feelings from his mom's brutal honne about him trying to rock the Beckham hairstyle😆just kidding😉. In all seriousness, great video and for taking the time to break down how to indicate some forms of tatemae in written format. Especially since it seems Japanese people use ellipses (...) differently from how I've seen it applied in English. Also, kudos to you Santi for trying to read most of the comments you receive👏. I'm honestly shocked that you do that😅.

I see the nuance in the "dot." Very helpful to understand! Thanks. I also see trauma when you talk about. Haha Maybe "passive aggressiveness" is the closest comparison in US. Sometimes flavored with sarcasm.

same in Filipino culture, we use the term “atik.”

Hi Santi. When you have been in a relationship with a non-Japanese girl, what kind of Japanese girl things have you missed (if any)? I have very recently started seeing a Japanese guy in Australia. Our relationship is still very early stages, but he has been living here for about 10 years, so I think he has pretty realistic expectations of what dating a western girl is like and is not the “typical Japanese guy” you often refer to in your videos. I don’t intend to become a Japanese girl, nor could I pull it off as I also lived in Japan for four years, and this is the first time I’m dating a Japanese guy because I don’t think I appeal very much to the “typical Japanese guy”. But since our relationship is quite new, I’m still looking to impress (and why I’m too shy to ask him this directly right now), so any tips you may have that a Japanese guy might appreciate in a relationship with a western girl would be helpful. Thanks, Chloe☺️

I read that apparently Russian is high context language too. Now i understand why almost everything you said looked obvious to me, lol

Do have a video on Hon e

A lot of people, especially Australians and English people born after the 70s are very honne. I was raised "traditionally" by an English father. At least for the middle and upper classes, the english are very tatemae based. I have been told I'm two-faced by my fellow Australians, and I find our Australian honesty very confusing. If I'm honest with you, you're upset with me, so I prefer being polite and "two faced." I'll take my british stuffiness over oversharing and "stiff upper lip" over throwing thoughts and opinions around without thinking of others. Boundaries are nice. I think I get why so many Japanese people, even those who hate tatemae, still have it. The english version is less extreme, though. Maybe a happy balance between the two is preferable?

in my culture, we use tatemae too. for us it's an expression of politeness. as a Javanese, I find no difficulty in studying tatemae in Japanese, because bassicly we do the same.

OK, I admit to Tatemae when I’m at work or with people that I don’t really know.. :( …I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but with people like close family members I’m 100% honest.

It all boils down to the fact that we can’t please one hundred percent of the population all the time. I find tatemae difficult to understand at times, however, it is what it is. As tatemae is part of Japanese culture, I accept it for what it is. After all, who am I to judge this aspect of ancient Japanese culture? I have two beautiful Japanese friends, and up until recently, I didn’t understand some of what they were trying to convey. I understand them so much better now. One Japanese friend is a male and he is positively delightful even though he, at times seems to beat about the bush. I think it it is everyone’s responsibility to understand peoples of different nations that we come into contact with in our lives, and make our association with them work. This is not to say that we should blatantly agree with things that are morally wrong. However, there is always a correct way of handling matters tactfully and diplomatically. When I was growing up, I lived in a street that was like the League of Nations, so I learnt very early on about many different cultures, and, it has stood me in good stead as time progressed. I even learnt another language well and also aspects of other languages just by being around these people. English is not my first language, as I come from Central Europe and speak my own language fluently, and understanding languages of various cultures has been a blessing for me. After writing my initial comment a little while ago I now have a better understanding of tatemae. Thank you, Santi.

I kinda offended a Japanese friend because I was telling her a story about when I had a French dance instructor. I explained that the instructor gave me a lecture on how I am bad at leading and that as a man I should learn to lead. I said that she was very direct but I understood that in French culture directness is just how it is even though it may seem rude. My Japanese friend could not believe me.

_Even if tatemae is fake, it is still appreciated. Customer service is America and many parts of the world is horrible. I appreciate courtesy even if it is fake_ お持て成し

Omgeee! I am fond of using ellipses (...) 😂 Well for me, its my way of implying pause or omitted words. Oh no, i hope i have not offended anyone by my use of it! Or most of the times i use it to imply the "casualness" of my comment because in some situations i feel like a period at the end of my sentence is so final or like too imposing. It's become my way of trying to be polite with my opinion. Its like my way of saying "ok this is my opinion but of course i respect yours..." Something like that😂 I guess ellipses has become my own tatemae! 😄

😁😁😁

Uhh, tatemai ,or false front, is in all cultures but when taken to extremes people are considered phony!! So interpersonally it can be toxic. No honesty ,no trust no friendship.

Doesn't every culture have this in a way? But what's so different?

It's hard for Americans because Americans think lying is bad.

Santi, I think you’re a sweetheart and thank you for the effort you put into presenting so many topics. Thank you for explaining tatemae culture, however, I find it too time consuming trying to work out if the truth is being bent, or if it is the truth. I like to say things as they are tactfully and diplomatically, but never aggressively. If I’m not particularly interested in doing something, I like to say so without bending the truth, which essentially is lying. You have to name it for what it is because although it’s seemingly ‘polite’, it essentially is beating around the bush and is an untruth, isn’t it? And, what a time waster this tatemae is. It obviously exists and works for the Japanese people, so who am I to say that I it’s not a correct thing to do. It’s just not good for me. So, I agree to disagree with this tatemae culture. This of course is not to say that I don’t like my Japanese friends. Of course I do like the immensely and I accept them as they are, just as they accept me.

Ah, that's probably what we call "Notlüge" in German 😂 You lie to not offend someone or bc you don't want to be in trouble with someone.

建て前が日本独自の文化というか、習慣とうか、日本にしかないものだと思ってる人いるんだよね。 抜けてる。というか。なんというか。

Because I was not able to read atmosphere when my japanese boyfriend was telling me he was having a headache, so often , I sent him some pills agains headache and he didnt have a headache again after that.

White lies😔 but it's better to be hurt by the truth. 🥺 But as for Japanese people, these "honne and tatemae" cultures have been part of their lives. For Gaijin, it's difficult to understand since we are not Japanese. I know that my boyfriend has been using "tatemae" in our 2 years of relationship because he doesn't want me to get hurt. Now, I finally understood why he always says that Japanese culture is difficult to adopt. 😟

Can I conclude that TATEMAE = Sarcasm ??

"Polite" better than Fake

My as well cotnribute my ten yen. This does not only apply to living in Japan (i.e Japanese culture in Japan). At the lounge of sports clubs we are members at I was getting some compliments from my wife's friends about the scarf I was wearing inside. I thought I will wear this more often I feel comfortable with it on and people say it looks good only for my wife to say "you think you are so cool wearing that new scarf in the lounge don't you ?" one evening. I was a bit upset saying many people seem to like it especially your friends.Here response. That's TATEMAE !!!!!! I will never understand Japanese culture. It is just the most confusing concept ever this honne/tatemae.

All cultures have this to a greater or lesser extent - after all, it's just a matter of politeness, basically. But Eastern cultures, perhaps those of Japan and China in particular, have it in more extreme form. But really, there's nothing wrong with it, in fact we should learn from it in the West, where we have become much too coarsened. A polite society is one that is distinguished from those of savages. And the world seems to be descending into savagery.

Japan will never be totalitarian because of honne /tatamae Because totalitarianism want to change your inner thought into conformity. Thought policing you. Western Chinese and Korean society value thought policing a bit more. And less into conformity.