TEDxTulsa - Brett McKay - "Reviving the Lost Art of Manliness 

its funny how many people think teaching men how to be better men is sexist, even though they acknowledge that bad men are the problem. men who are respectful, honorable, virtuous, self reliant, kind and loyal is what Mr. Mckay is advocating for. which basically solves a myriad of our societal issues.

Thing is, I am 16 years old and I am reading all of the AoM articles on what it means to be a man. That example that Brett used of kids playing video games and surfing the web all day and just benefiting off of my parents entire life of hard work, I am that exact stereotype! At the time of me typing this, I cannot motivate myself on my own to do any form of paperwork, not just homework. Even something simple like reading a book on my own is incredibly difficult. Not because the words are too difficult or the book is to deep in the metaphoric sense, but because I have no drive, no ambition, no reason to say "I will do this today" and have my words carry weight. When I say "I wanna do something" or "I'm gonna do this", I never do anything to make it happen. Hell, I don't even make it past Step 1. This is a very serious problem! But it doesn't stop there. I am well aware of the harshness of today's world. But what am I doing to benefit me in the long run? What am I doing to prepare? NOTHING!!! I AM IDLE! I AM A YOUNG CHILD OF NOTHINGNESS! PATHETICALLY SUCKING ON THE TIT THAT IS MY PARENT'S LIVELY-HOOD! Enough is enough. I can't and I WON'T just sit here idly by and not take charge. I hope that the AoM will lead a youth like me into the right direction and push me out of the nest. In fact, at my high school, they have an after school club called the "Art of Manliness" That is actually how I found Brett and Kate's website. I just hope they don't get rid of it next year...

I love the message McKay brings out and all of his content. A few months ago I was one of the kids who sat around and played video games, devoid of real success and, frankly, I didn't care. Then I needed to go to a wedding, and I didn't know how to tie a tie so I looked it up. I found Brett and now my life is on track and I'm very glad that I'm not the only one who wants to become a better human being, in the form of a man. Thank you, McKay for reintroducing to humanity the Art of Manliness

I love how he mentioned that both sexes need to thrive in our society not one over the other.

Brett, I can't watch this video. I've scrolled down so I can listen to it. But watching you without your epic 'stache is just painful.

A common misconception is that to be a man, you have to think that women are bad, or not as worthy as men. But the truth of the matter is, the type of manliness he is talking about is just being a good person. It just so happens that its called manliness.

To this day, I am still wondering what being a man is all about. I thought I was alone, but more and more young men, including myself seem to be lost.

I think another reason that men are becoming less manly is also because we are becoming more of an escapist society. We are completely content to spend all of our time on social media, playing video games, watching reality TV, fapping off to porn, etc. rather than going out and doing REAL things and living in actual REALITY. Rather than improving our own lives, many of us are happy to live in a fantasy world which only exists on the internet or in own minds. The reason we are so content to do these unreal things is because it activates the reward circuitry in our brains, causes a release of dopamine, and makes us feel fulfilled when the reality is we have fulfilled nothing and done nothing. In previous decades before the advent of the internet, video games, etc. if one wanted to feel rewarded, they actually had to go out and do REAL things and accomplish REAL goals. Unfortunately, what we think is progress today might actually be digression. Not everything from the present is better than what we had in the past. Modern day masculinity, if we can even call it that, is certainly not better than what existed years ago.

Awesome, great message. I strive to become a better man, first, through the wisdom of God, and then, second, through the wisdom of great men. Thank you, Brett McKay, for what you do.

So, not even 20 seconds into the video, the host says "men, you are obselete." and the immeadiate response was women laughing. This is the problem with feminism.after that, everything said was simply awesome, enlightening and thought-provoking. I for one will be picking up that metaphorical spear.

Good delivery and even better content. It's no wonder that his website has done so well, it really is desperately needed for millions (if not billions) of men around the world today.

Step 1. Stop giving a fuck what women want or think. Step 2. ... Step 3. Profit.

One of the best ted talks ever. Still prominent today.

Where's his 'stache???

People who are complaining about his statement on feminism don't seem to be looking into the deeper parts of Manliness. As women become more and more independent, young men and males striving for manliness no longer feel compelled, or even think it's inappropriate to hold a door, pull a chair, offer a chair, stand up whenever a woman leaves or approaches a table, offer his jacket; all the things that used to be considered common courtesy are now viewed as chauvinism or sexism. If men applied all of these courtesies to all people, it's no longer viewed as gender-focused, and instead it returns to the beautiful state of common courtesy.

Awesome talk Brett. Can't believe I've only just found this. The advantage of the internet is it hooks people up with great mentors. I didn't have access to strong male role models as a kid. I've learned so much about guys from blogs, etc. Made a huge positive difference to my life. Men will never be obsolete.

What a badass

A large part of being a man is having the balls to care about something bigger than one's self, being outspoken & active in the pursuit of your greater goals. That being said, it's about time our government grants it's people a REDRESS OF GRIEVANCES & enacts change to that end or in failing to do so are treated as the tyrants they are.

10 years ago, still extremely relevant

Thank you for this talk. I needed it. These are words I've been struggling to put together myself. Well said. Thank you

Great speech about man hood , this is a great observation and I do agree with him on most of his points. We shouldn't let these modern bad habits and misguided direction of what it is to be a man affect us.

something I didn't hear mentioned is the lack of men truly being fathers and passing these time honored traditions and lessons down to their sons. Most of the men I know don't have a father figure that was either present or had the idea that this generation will be missing out on something they need. It's the reason most young men want to be taken cared of instead of take care of a family.

Great talk! I totally agree with you. Although plenty of people don't understand what being a man really is and so will probably hate on this video.

There are people out there that need to accept that men have to be men and women need to be women. Men and women should be treated as equals, however we are not equal in the sense that we are 'identical' because we're not. And whether you believe in God or not, life is set up in such a way that there is only one real way to go about it, and these 'new ways of thinking' prove time-and-time again to not work, while the old-fashioned way still does. There's nothing sexist about a man being a man, it's a man's duty.

Amen brother, one love

Step 1. Walk to center of city/town/village Step 2. Look around. Step 3. Point at something a woman built.

This guy really is anything but sexist and it's hilarious how people try to give him that label.

Higher divorce rates and the resulting single parent households with children have had a greater impact than most people realize. It's an established fact that both boys and girls derive great psychological benefit from parenting by both a mother and father, and their development is somewhat diminished when either parent is permanently absent. Rail all you want about these moldy old customs and institutions - every person needs some sort of validation in life, both from the same sex and the opposite sex. The sexes are different, and their dominant sex hormones greatly influence the way they think and approach the world. Should men and women be taught to not pay too much attention to their hormonal urges? Yes. And there should be a give and take dialog between men and women. There is enough space in the world that men and women can both look good without continually trying to make the other sex look bad. In a marriage, you should have give and take, learn to have calm discussions about your feelings, and attempt to work out your conflicts. The problem is, this takes a lot of work. Will it be worth it if you both work diligently to create a life together? Yes. There are no formulas. You can't listen to the popular media for their one-size-fits-all approach : it's pure pap. You are a UNIQUE person. You have to figure out what works for you, and what makes you happy. You must ask yourselves, "Where do I get my ideas about self-fulfillment from" - if it's from the popular media and pop culture, you are in serious trouble of becoming a sheep. If you cultivate an awareness of your own personality attributes and what makes you happy, a healthy self image can eventually result. It cannot and should not result from listening to radio, television, and film (RTF) programming. This program will self-execute. Men should not be brought up to think of themselves as an endangered, near-extinct species, and little more than sperm donors. We all need everyday relevance, every man and woman - in the world at large. And so, the social pendulum swings. The question is, do you swing with it? Or do you remain true to yourself? Do you even know who you are? Are you trying to learn who you are? It's not about anti-women, or anti-men, or anti-anything else. It's about self-fulfillment, and making a difference in the world to people you know and love. If you want a same sex relationship, you have every right to self-fulfillment, and I am not arguing against this. On the other hand, don't tell me my lifestyle is outmoded... after all, it may be my child the doctor who saves you, your loved one's, or your child's life one day.

I think it's interesting what he said about basic masculine life skills not being passed on by the father. I see something similar with women too.

Thank you Brett Mckay

I love how he referenced our founding fathers concerning over consumption

Excellent speech

Sounds like it was spoken for today!

Brett, you have my support! I love this.

Incredibly well said

3:50 there are many reasons for why men are opting out of marriage but the most important is the fact that most kids come from homes that experience separation/divorce, most kids end up living with one parent and receive visitation from the other parent (predominantly men), family courts are hugely biased against men in the U.S. and Canada. You grow up in that environment you quickly learn that marriage isn't fun, it's filled with arguments, parents that don't love each other and treat each other poorly and when kids live mainly with their mother, a boy experiences an unintended (or maybe intended) education that being a man, a father, a husband is not as good as being a wife, mother, a woman. In that type of environment why would you ever want to grow up, of course you would want to remain a kid, look at what the future holds in store for you as a man - get married, work hard, pay bills, get treated badly by your wife, experience divorce, pay child support/alimony out of your ass, lose most of your financial assets, become disenfranchised from your children and get treated mainly as a financial resource and live a poor life. So why would anyone want to pursue post secondary education and a good paying job if your wife is going to divorce you when she gets bored, take most of your money and your children away and lives a better life while you get to suffer. No one bats an eye that the suicide rate among divorced men in this situation is extremely high, no one cares about men anymore so if you're boy and you experience all of this, why would you want to grow up? Why wouldn't you just work for yourself and use your money to satisfy your own needs? Why have a family if your wife can take it all away from you? Let women get university degrees and higher paying jobs than men, pretty soon what you will have is women pursuing men for marriage, men that don't make a lot of money, you will probably see a large increase in stay at home dads in the future and divorce will still continue but men will then slowly start to sue for child support, alimony and pursue primary custody of the children and only when this adversely affects women as much as it affects men, will the family court system be revised and laws changed to prevent one parent from taking advantage of another parent regardless of gender but this will only get fixed when this starts affecting women the way it does man - because as it is right now, no one cares how this negatively impacts men, this will only become an issue when it impacts women. We don't need courses in "manliness", you need to equal parental participation which means you need to allow men an equal opportunity to raise kids, there is a huge benefit to children that have their fathers in their lives and for all the haters that think men don't want to be in their children's lives, you're idiots if you believe that - you've created this reality which alienates men, fathers, husbands and wonder o' wonders you're all surprised when men don't want to get married.

Y'know I find it interesting that he mentions Hugh Hefner and "extended adolescence" and all that. I'll be honest, when I WAS in my adolescence, I believed it was morally right to go out and find the right girl, and settle down with her. But then the girls wanted to be promiscuous and have fun...now that I'm older, I have since realized I want to have fun and live my life. After my last relationship I realized how much sacrifice I have to make for so little reward...I want a family eventually, but for now, I've got my own life to live.

Right on target with it. Great site and online community as well.

Best Ted Talk ever.

VERY well said. thanks for speaking my mind for me

Wow - a polite, strong, educated, wise gentlemen - I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but I'm guessing 99% of women would be welcoming such a man over a "dude"..

Brett, you are so right when you say, "...we have this very rich heritage and tradition of masculinity that we can use." It goes all the way back to the beginning of humanity when God made man and woman different and complementary. And the problems we see with manhood didn't just start with a feminist movement in the last century; they started back with Adam when he ate the fruit and then tried to shift the blame onto his wife, Eve. So Brett, we can all agree that true manliness needs restoring. Can you tell us more about what that actually looks like, how virtue plays out in real life, and give us a model to follow?

I can't think of anything that trains you to be a more well rounded person than family life.

Great video. Good to see a positive role model for men to look up to

Honestly the few times I hear the 'men are struggling' and 'masculinity is on its way out' is from guys like him.

I wish there were more men like Brett out there.

Wild at Heart is helpful and aligns with this talk well.

A discussion critical to insuring the future of the United States of America. At a time when men are swallowing the red pill to rediscover the true nature of their masculinity, it becomes even more important. So many men are looking for direction. I highly recommend Wild At Heart by John Eldredge and Mansfield’s Book of Manliness by Stephen Mansfield. I’m currently reading Brett McKay’s Manvotions and working on making my own contributions.

You know, i've listened to Art of Manliness for years and not until I see the first 3 seconds of this video did I realize that Brett is very obviously LDS. He could be on a poster.

Seeing Brett without his moustache is making me uncomfortable lol. Great ted talk by the way

In the first part he got me

You can't turn gender roles into a science. Everyone is totally different. Treat people with respect who treat you with respect, and don't overthink it. Everyone can do their own thing and be happy doing it, regardless of gender. If you meet someone you are attracted to, great. People are all different, and are attracted to different qualities. Let's just embrace that instead of trying to assign labels to everything.

This talk should be required in every highschool in America.

I took a lot from this. 💯

My mum spent more time with me than my dad after they separated so I didn't manage to get the father to son education of masculine rolls that I should've got as a man so I've had to learn all by myself to learn the masculine rolls I need and want to learn on behalf of my manliness

he is too good n nice for himself !!

To the negative commenters, most of you are coming across as sensitive and immature. It is true that you can choose to behave as you wish as long as you are willing to deal with the consequences. Why lash out at someone offering a different perspective?

Brett, I love your talk! Yes please, we - the world - need more Men. I was listening to you and I was thinking, what pattern leads to divorce? lol Well, I was married trice, but that's not the point. The point is what women, independent, cultivated, educated and self confident needs a "man" who perceives his masculinity as the capacity of jumping as many women as possible? - Not me for sure! But that's the paradigm! Take it from a woman who knows what she wants... Partnership and loyalty, please! lol

Good points about the loss of maturity, but minus for not actually having any solutions to those lost jobs, and lost roles, and lost fathers.

Well said!

Luxury and wealth make you passive and weak - how true.

He makes some excellent points, but I don't like how in the beginning it seemed like he attributed success to a person's marital status.

Amazing

amazing

Gotta agree with him, men need push themselves too. A true men sports women and walks with them but does not fall behind

While I do agree with Brett, I would like to hear his advice on how to proceed; how does a society get started over?

I love that guy!

My father passed away when I was 4! How was I supposed to develop a strong sense of manhood? Brett?

One thing i noticed in a lot of these videos is they are trying to get men to marry again. Sad reality is until marrying becomes serious again and not a way to take everything from a guy after divorce men are going to opt out. people that want to blame video games or any other such things just want to deal with the collateral damage and not the root cause. there is a great reason people resort to escapism.

Lack of manhood in today's society is a serious problem. Yes, indeed.. Transition from boyhood to manhood is difficult, I know.. but it is just like any other difficulties you face in life.. it's part of life.. it's not easy to win a game of super bowl, nba finals, become a president of some organization, and so on..you gotta put work into it, you've got to practice it, learn it, and master it.. and likewise with manhood.. it's a long journey and hard work to become a MAN..

stop pacing about! the blog is excellent, good work. i think this is true not only for america, most men i see daily look like they don't know what they're doing.

I'm willing to bet that if I shared this just the title alone I would catch heat for it from today's society

the whole world now

Brett Mckay, pre=mustache Love this guy.

It's a shame we can't add transcript to this video and translate it. This message needs to be heard by all young men.

Being still and rooted, will make you more confidant! Doesn't walking around the stage make you seem weak? If someone else said that I'm sorry, but life is too short!

Love Brett. He looks like Peter Brady here.

sexist,racism and homophobia are not masculine problems.

I'm a feminist and I support him. A real man wouldn't yell out, "nice tits" on the street or physically abuse a woman who rejects his advances. I want to see that kind of manliness revived. Not necessarily chivalry, just respect. It seems like, many years ago before there were equal rights and before women worked outside the home, men had more respect for women. But now that women have more rights and freedoms, men respect women less. Men may work for and respect a female boss, but are vulgar toward the women at the local bar. Why is this? Why can't we work together as equals in terms of power and capability, but still respect each other?

This vid showed up when i searched "Reviving the Lost Art of Walking Back and Forth every 3 Steps While Giving a Speech".

"A couple hundred years ago, people believed in dragons and monsters. But now we've got another monster, and it's called the Economy. And if you read the Wall Street Journal, they treat the market and the economy as if they are a thing. Wait a minute now, the market is not some natural force of nature, we created the damn thing! And I believe the heart of the problem now is the separation of humanity from the natural world, and the sense that the economy is the most important thing in our lives." - Dr. David Suzuki

This guy is my idol, he doesn't believe in equality but equity.

He sure likes the phrase 'vim and vigor'.

Nice suit Brett

This guy sounds like Brett McKay but without a mustache

Grown men idolizing cartoon characters as role models rather than real people. Men unable to forgive those human mentor figures who show humanity and make mistakes. Cartoons don't make mistakes. Cartoons don't let you down.

Bruce Wayne?

Manliness == Authority.

He did not have time to this. He did what he could in twelve minutes.

Brett looks weird without the 'stache.

As a regular "Art of Manliness" reader I have huge respect for Brett McKay, but I must admit that some of his verdicts lack proof and evidence (graphs, statistical data, references to articles). I'm not saying he's wrong, just pointing out that this talk has room for improvement in terms of academic quality.

It's because college is a risk nowadays.

Too bad about all of the feedback during the presentation. I love Brett's stuff but as a live sound engineer this is hard to listen too..

I really like the content on Brett's website, but while I'm a man, I don't feel like it matters if I'm perceived as manly. I think that what he teaches about "manliness" is a bunch of virtues and skills associated to men, but it's something that women could use just as well. It's basically means to become a good, independent person. Sure, maybe you girls don't need to learn how to trim a moustache. But maybe you could take some advice about leadership or dicipline even if it's intended for men. And for the boys, the site also teaches about stuff like mending your clothes and cooking. Needing a woman to do kitchen and laundry work for you is NOT manly! Frankly, I think we should raise women to be a little bit manlier, encourage them to get shit under their nails or play drums or something. If I ever get a daugther I don't want to raise her to spend an hour every morning putting on make up and spending her money on clothes that she'll barely wear. She can still be feminine if she choose to, but she isn't going to be a whimp. We should also teach men the virtues and skills associated with women. Learning a little about empathy never hurt anyone. And men trying too hard to prove that they're men is pretty pathetic, that just show insecurity, which is something I don't at least relate to masculinity. I by no means know all of these skills, nor am I independant. But I'm working on it at least.

Problem is, a lot of men who say "be a man" don't seem to appreciate soft women. They tend to go for vicious women.

Brett looks and sounds and is probably the same height as Tom Cruise he‘d be a great stunt double. All jokes aside I‘ve been a follower of artofmanliness since my early 20‘s so glad I did it positively changed my life.

Funny how after 11 years, we are still talking about the same things.

Women will do better once men do better. Period.

It is true that men are struggling a lot with society, example to that is that I'm a man who is on the autism spectrum and there's more men who are autistic than there is women with it plus British men are struggling too as example to that is I'm a British man who is 30 and I've never been married so I've never had a wife

Virtue is very abstract and easy to talk about, but what does that have to do with the real life issues men face? It doesn't solve any of the problems you listed. Society doesn't care about virtue or most other ideal abstractions. It cares about image, status and wealth. You can complain about the game, but the rules are the rules and they are imposed from outside, often by women who aren't impressed with ideals alone.