Terence McKenna - When I Was Schizophrenic 

I just love the way Terence pronounces the word "body".

“If you’re going to be nuts you should enjoy it more” there’s something to be said about that. I dont know how you guys identify sanity vs insanity but it’s possible that none of us are really “sane”. What I’m getting at is that mental illness or not, we should appreciate and love our conditions and feel that same empathy for others.

They said it was psychosis. I just knew I stepped into a wider perception of the cosmos.

Terence is comfort food for thought

I’ve never seen a comment section this psychoanalytical and yet everybody being so respectful of one another. Just informed people who try to genuinely help other peeps. A pleasure to read

"What saved me was my cynicism. That I didn't believe in anything."

Turning 26 next month. Tired of wishing for death, losing firends, family, and missing out on life. If I am still alive this moment right now I can turn it all around. The is it. The kingdom is within.

"if you're going to be this crazy you, you should be enjoying it more."

Modern society has a terrible way of creating nervous and mental disorders by oppressing creativity and individuality and then pushing bandaids over these complicated issues with drugs and medications. What we need is for people to see that this has happened. John Taylor Gatto was the wake up message for me that changed my life. Then we simply need to allow people, especially students, to follow what motivates them in their hearts and souls to live dynamic meaningful lives that can help our world heal. Thank you for your time reading this and caring

This is the most reassuring thing to here if you've ever experienced the terror of a negative-seeming trip/ego death. Thank you Terence for being so existentially understand, peace

Speaking as someone who has a lot of mental "illness" in their family( I literally have one uncle, two aunts and a grandmother who were "diagnosed schizophrenic"). This is a very interesting topic for me. The main problem they faced was that they were medicated and I think that is what prevented them breaking through the shamanic crisis. Had there been a shamanic tradition that could have nurtured them through it they may have become free and fulfilled people again I have always resisted attempts to become medicated for this reason. Although based on conventional wisdom I am the kind of person who should never use psychedelics for some reason I have always felt very at home in the psychedelic space and drawn to these plants. They have helped me immensely. Schizophrenia and shamanism are really different sides of the same coin it seems.

I’ve experienced “psychosis” accidentally through alcohol (for many years), self induced with ephedrine, MDMA and DMT. But a panic attack whilst tripping on 3g of shrooms and high on cannabis was the scariest thing I’d ever experienced. I became bored with life. Bored with myself. Lost interest in all of my hobbies. However. Finding myself wanting to crawl back into the womb because I thought id got stuck in a perpetual trip, the fear of never having a normal brain again, the terror of being locked up forever because I wasn’t able to differentiate what was really and what wasn’t...was enough to make me appreciate the stillness in life once I came down. HAHA I enjoy my nuttiness. Thanks for reading.

I was schizophrenic also, it was dfficult to heal from but two years of meditation and chanting OM in the sense of Aikido's one point mind technique. Pieces of Tibetan, Mahayana buddhism and Hinduism and their science of the mind really helped me out. Knowing of Tulpa's and other occult knowledge helped me not get lost, i did go through therapy but opted out of medication. I achieved a silent mind.

i had a psychotic break once, it was remarkable in a terrifying way. ive always been one to see the world with a mystical eye, but that experience made everything come together. all the mystical thoughts that i've had, i've always seen as half truths - or just a narrative i was telling myself. after the psychotic break, i realized my mystical thoughts were realer than i could have ever imagined. during the psychotic break, i believed all the same things that you would hear any schizophrenic believe. such as, the universe is speaking to me through numbers, im a reincarnation of jesus, and i am being hunted by the devil etc. these were already things ive somewhat believed in before (not enough to go around telling people) but for around a month, it all hit me at once, and the world was in a whirlwind all around me. synchronicities were everywhere, i saw everyone as being the source of the universe speaking through them, i was going through waves of feeling like i was on heaven on earth, then feeling like i was in danger at the flip of a switch. i ran away from home, thinking my roommate was plotting to murder me because the devil was telling him to, and then went to stay with another friend for a bit. during the psychotic break i was still able to maintain my job, and show up to work regularly without issue. i suspect they knew something was a little off, but nothing too out of the ordinary. i was able to maintain myself, and seem fine on the surface, but no one knew how much was going on inside my head. the craziest thing about it all though, is that my life has changed for the better, drastically, since that moment. it took a while for me to come back to reality, and it was gradual, but it truly was one of the best things that has happened to me. it forced me to get out of a toxic social circle, go to college, and to reinvent myself. after reality shatters before your eyes you have the ability to rebuild it into whatever you want it to be. that experience broke me for a moment, but it didnt break me forever. ive always been a strong minded individual, ive been to hell and in back from my childhood until now, and at the risk of sounding arrogant, ive always been a very kind, intelligent, and calm person. ive shown no serious mental health problems, other than depression and social anxiety in my youth, but ive always felt sensitive to peoples "energies" which has caused me to go down this mystic path. i was a quiet kid, with strong intuition, i felt like i understood peoples intention without saying a word to them, i would always just sit back and watch, but thats beside the point. till this day, i think that break was a test of endurance, to see how strong my mind really is. to see if i would lose to fear, and paranoia, or if i could endure the breakthrough and come out from the other side as a stronger person and be the person i want to be. still, as crazy as it is, i hold on to those beliefs. we are the universe, all of us. we are all incarnations of god living life through our unique lenses. what ive learned is to do, is just let go. if we have TRUE faith, we will be taken care of. thats not to say the universe wont give us obstacles, for every bad thing that happens, something good comes out of it. the universe is love with a gun to your head. do you trust the universe?

Terence is just such a wonderful person

Be as mad as you want, just keep it to yourself, is the mantra of the society.

I feel so connected to Terence. I was offered meds from a young age and refused them. I too was sceptical. I brought that scepticism and curiosity to my first psychedelic experiences and was rewarded with unbelievable insight. I've been sharing the same message he is in this video for a decade now - have fun with your crazy, be creative in what words you choose to describe it, give it humour and joy💛

Alchemical symbolism helped me have fun, or at least find interest in, my schizophrenic times. What I found amazing was that by looking at these mystic symbols/archetypal images, I realized I had an advantage rather than just being a victim to some sort of illness. I felt lucky rather than afraid...at least some of the time. The real problem is that the surroundings - people and time itself - are not set up to support you in this condition, and THAT is what makes a schizoid experience an illness rather than an opportunity. The same is currently happening with ADHD...it is considered and labeled as an illness to be treated medically that a human being does not want to sit on a chair for hours at a time and not use their body. Rather I would argue that these people are gifted in non-chair-sitting activities and we need to provide them with what they were designed for rather than treat them as wrong and in need of medication.

Jump in whatever you find you can master You are what is creating you

I had a psychotic episode when i was in my early teens. I wish I'd had someone like Terence help with integrating that perceptual disturbance with my own sense of self, so many years spent living with that trauma gnawing at my me. You lose your identity and begin to identify as your illness as a cancerous tumour that needs removing. It can be so difficult for the person with the condition to communicate their pain and also their joy with others for fear of being medicated or mocked.

im schizoaffective; I think schizo-type disorders are people who have a shamanic calling- shamans are called to take on the genetic trauma stored in the DNA(like the idea of Akashic records) i think evolution created these people as a recyclable mutation to advance the gene pool. There might be a link between this mutation and psychidelic maybe the first schizo-(human) was some ancient primate that ate some psychedelic plant and thus created a symbiotic bond and a mutation of ancient man.

It's important to keep your cool. When you're crazy you believe in some startling delusions. If you can remain cool then you won't be stressed and others will be more willing to accept you. It will also begin to lessen your delusions. Maybe people are following you, talking to you through the walls, abducting you in your sleep, just keep cool and keep it to yourself, like Terrence Mckenna says, worry is preposterous. You don't know enough about the universe to justify worry and all it does is worsen your life. k?

Going through the motions of addiction I believe could also possibly be a process of insanity. Another element we could turn to our advantage at the end of the yellow brick road. Love your work. Live on Terrence. Be forever in peace.

"Maybe" is maybe the key word to freedom. Thanks Bob to say that in a way we could understand.

This is so true! Spoken as someone who was formerly very religious... religion only exacerbates mental degradation in those with a predisposition to schizophrenia and/or other forms of psychosis. I suffered from religious OCD and paranoid delusions that were rooted in religion. Thankfully, I deprogrammed myself and my delusions went away. I'm still religious but I found that compartmentalizing my religious beliefs and using science and reason as my foundation to reality is much healthier. I now treat religion like one would treat philosophy rather than living in great fear of being constantly observed by an omnipotent being. If anything God, or whatever your supreme being is if you're not Christian, would be more akin to the absent watchmaker.

You are in the center of the multiverse. This we notice during a psychosis. It sure can lead to inflation of ego but it can't be controlled by ego, quite the opposite. A sad part about waking up is that the our society system is very dark atm but we will see huge improvements when the population goes down and we get a real economic system. We live on a perfectly tuned planet.

Loved this! Schizophrenia is so fascinating. My sister being diagnosed with it really forced me to wake up from so much beliefs I didn't know I had. We all can benefit from it if we choose.

I feel as though the psychonautic ideas finally dawned on me. Psychedelics had taken such a back seat in my life after regular use. It has exploded back into my life at such a rapid pace.

Aye, I have endured some awful episodes, and been on the wrong side of a trip - my innate northern english hardiness allowed me to live through and process it all, thanks to my tough ancestors, hallelujah!

I’m gonna take a heroic dose real soon to deal with my schizoaffective, these antipsychotics don’t work! They literally make things worse. Thank god I was introduced to McKennas mindset, he is so put together for someone who has experienced schizophrenia.

One of my favorite talks from TM. Complete empathy for anyone cursed with a bad case of this.

Cosmic DO-DO!!!

It’s true it can be freaky to be with others that are psychotic. I have many family members that are schizophrenic/affective. I have learned to go with them and embrace their delusions to some degree. In the past I’ve been scared and sometimes pissed off. Even feeling a hatred for the person like, why do they have to keep doing this?! but I’ve learned the same that Terrence is saying, it’s not their fault. I’ve learned to love them and agree with whatever they are talking about because I’m not really sure, it could be real and it is real to them. If they get angry with me or do something that starts to arise anger within me I’ve learned to meet the anger welcome it address it internally and then let it roll because it only escalates their state. I stick with gentleness, empathy, love and acceptance. They really only want to connect with someone they can trust that cares for them. That’s been my experience at least. Later I can talk to them when they’ve come out of the psychosis. Sometimes I feel like sharing with them other times I just bank it for a future time as their delusions may make more sense at another time.

To anyone out there experiencing this, I percieved it is a certain kind of mental energy or perceptual mechanism that ramps up the way we interface with the world. I personally think it has something to do with fight or flight. Everything is energy and every belief, law and rule is a conduit by which energy can be encouraged to move from place to place. I suspect that in the case of a person who has somehow wound up with a high level of activity in the mind but has not manifested enough "belief outlets" for lack of a better term (because beliefs require mental energy to be put to use because you must do things in a particular way cohering to said beliefs, thus lining up the body and mind once again) the energy builds in the mind and latches on so sensitively to any form of narrative that can be found. From what I can tell, there is a shared conscious field (to put you to rest id like to say most of this is sub-concious) and for this reason people in your experience will in some cases act in ways that accommodate your narrative. So yes, as Terrence said he'd done in his own case, playing with it to the extent you are comfortable is a way to re-integrate and explore what the hell it even is if you're new to it. I suspect this state can teach us an awful lot about the nature of life. I have a suspicion that certain people eneter this state or even live in this state willfully for certain purposes.

"It's freaky to be around someone who is crazy." -T.K. McKenna. I told my grandma yesterday "I Am", she responded incredulous: "no you are not!". She was speaking about (me), but I was not. What my family doesn't know: Karl died, but I am; the mushroom helped me die and live again.

Love the message and the music at the end is awesomr

I think the reason why people behave so weird in front of "crazy" people is that it confronts them full throttle with the relativity of their own behavior and thinking patterns ...and we can't have that can we ;-)

the worst thing is being gaslighted when your ill,i know from experience.

I often think about what the symptoms really mean. Like I wonder if the reason schizophrenics show lack of emotion and lack of interest is because they aren't interested THIS reality. Schizophrenics have a gift of seeing more, beyond this reality, which many will never understand. Maybe that's why some schizophrenics refuse to take their meds. They want to experience the reality they are capable of experiencing.

Got lost all night tripping on 2cb 100mg and a form of deleriants, was walking through graveyard in pitch black and forests, saw demons sitting on certain gravestones, never recovered properly and its been 4 years was inside a cave at one point. Ego death in a graveyard, ironic as hell and changed my life in bad ways flashbacks of a certain kind, was walking into people's houses probably 3 in total, just in complete confusion, became God (was in the "godhead") and satan thinking I had to finish the last evil in certain houses, amazed I didn't get caught. Definitely psychosis and a temporary form of schizophrenia. Could have hurt someone glad nobody got in my way. Ashamed of myself for the behaviour, someone I was trippin with set it off I was 100% sure I was dead and was a spirit wandering the earth. Had taken 80mg of zolpidem the previous night and had been sleep deprived for 72 hours. Have ptsd now, could have ended up hurting someone. Don't trip with psychopaths, thought he was the devil and that's what tipped me over the edge. Never experienced anything like that before or since, still use psychedelics occasionally with no problems but only do it on my own in my own house now.

Thank you for the perpetual deliverance of Terrence McKenna in the exceptional editorial work that has been inscribed to the soul.

What a great thing this short clip is. Such a generous human this great man was. Thank you!

Oh my god I wish I'd seen this before my psychotic episode this is so profound to me

schizophrenia is a very strange event in ones life mine took me to the edges of reality believing certain people were telepathically communicating to me to believing i programmed the matrix the first one developed and characterised itself over many months until i realised the universe was communicating with me in some form telling me i could give the love i was always denied of and could never find to myself my loneliness was very painful and felt like an eternal heartbreak however through music and knowledge i developed the energy the intense love of the divine feminine inside of me and just had to integrate it instead of writing beautiful messages to myself and believing it was from an external source. i wasn't all the way wrong because i learnt separation is illusion and although i know there is someone out there for me mother Earth was desperately trying to show me a beautiful perception of myself that i couldn't see behind the physical veil of loneliness and self rejection peace

Yes. Some thoughts: We as a society need to "make space" for this! Psychedelic therapy and something like Somatic Experiencing..build capacity to feel the stress and "freakiness" of altered states, to stay present for those who struggle, so they may use it to their advantage and not be alienated.

I love this...thank you so much

Relatable. When I went nuts and thought I was Jesus, the worst thing i did was keep it under wraps and untested for years. When I finally let myself think, well maybe, let's try acting it out, reality soon won out.

“Cosmic doo-doo.” Amazing.

if you feel a bit schizophrenic (talking to multiple characters in your head, hearing people talking when you go to bed and having difficulties to silence them, anxiety in the sense of you think people mean harm to you or don't accept you, etc. then lsd maybe isnt for you. I tried lsd and have experienced all of the above (+). it was apparent when i reached the high, that i am not functioning like others are... If you think people can hear/break in to your thoughts, then something isn't right.

It makes writing my novel take 3 to 4 times longer and I actually FEEL the 'Invisibles' fighting for One Body of Thought.

Happens to the best of us

In a room full of crazies, the sane one appears crazy

Thank you Terence. I always forget..

The nature of miracles is phenomenal, and coincidentally, unbelievable♾The nature of insanity is unpredictable, and coincidentally, unavoidable🤙🏼

I tune in to things in anime like Hunter x Hunter's depiction of malice as a kind of stifling aura that can act like an invisible wall of fear-- and that's quite like the radioactive effect of being around someone that's more loosely tethered to the same systems of reality that you are, the same value systems, etcs. That's also why it can be so freaky to some to interact with such differing cultures. It's truly just the uncertainty that makes one uneasy to begin with.

I remember when I got schizo after 30 grams in the Netherlands, what a crazy long night it was. Felt like eternity.

I don't know if I'm what you'd consider crazy or not, but whatever I am I'm definitely enjoying it.

I first complained about severe anxiety to a Dr in 1999 & was prescribed antidepressants, took them and benzodiazepines for over 20yrs even though I felt they weren't very effective at all but kept switching to new meds in hopes of finding relief. Now I've been off any pharmaceuticals for about a year & find that nothing's changed, I suffer from anxiety from the moment I wake up until I fall back asleep at night & occasionally panic attacks where I feel I'll lose consciousness. I'm trying to find a solution to my problems without pharmaceuticals because I've tried the hell out of them & they never really worked. I'm wondering how Terence's schizophrenia was cured, I honestly didn't know it was something a person could be free of once it manifests. I feel after decades of constant anxiety & heart pounding cortisol flowing living I'm probably headed for coronary trouble as I age. I feel western medicine has failed me & if I'm to be well that I'm going to have to heal myself

This craziness seems to be defined through external means, it is when we start seeking externally that we view ourselves as crazy in a negative light; many cannot see where you come from in terms of perspective so naturally anything that is opposite of someone else's world is going to look foreign and 'crazy'. When this becomes a problem, I think, is when the person has been viewed in such a way from many people; that the person will feel isolated from society's view of what "normal" is.. it is there that the person will have to accept his own craziness, when people don't accept themselves that's when it becomes a problem; they see themselves as something needing fixing that isn't on their own terms, but from the terms of others. That's at least what I got out of Mckenna's talk

Accept your self in love. Its nuts and enjoy every part of your life and then you will not worry about focusing on others that disbelieve you

how can I further normalize and embrace my mental craziness so others can feel comfortable?

“If you’re going to be nuts you should enjoy it more” How though? Its really hard when everyone you know I mean EVERYONE(people who don't even know me irl but through discord and Instagram) all think I'm weird. I don't see it. I don't see how I'm different from everyone else but everyone says I'm a weirdo, quiet, tweaker, crazy, etc. Its hard to tell if I'm enjoying myself or I'm just a weirdo. But when people say I'm a weirdo I just say, I don't see it. Cause i can't. I can't see myself as anyone else but myself.

"When I was schizophrenic?" I hadn't heard that before! Was this when he and his brother were in La Chercha?

I am listening voices of a girl, is there any medication for it to stop?

It's freaky to be around someone crazy

I believe that someone who is REALLY nuts doesn't have the mental capacity to stand back seperate from their feelings and say to my themselves " hey im going to enjoy this...why should i worry about it" i belive that its a very scary experience and that the person is suffering therefore cannot make rational decisions. It would be nice tho bc that would alleviate alot of anxiety.

hey where is the full vid? any help would be appriciated

My brother is schizophrenic for 3 years now. He is only 24 years young. I dont believe in any kind of form in pharma Industrie. They give him heavy doses. Does someone have experience in healing schizophrenia? Maybe with magic mushrooms?

this is true. its a cruel mental world if one happens to witness it. its full of war, contradiction and the ego self is being sacrificed or crucified. thats what my mental picture and story produced anyway. there are full of demons and mockery and being thrown by humiliating words here and there. I dont know still why it all happened. I just dreamed one night being chased by a gigantic snake, bit me on my nape with a message to stop running and face myself. since then I was able to feel energies within my body and my mental world was open full blown. There is a comparison of what my mentality used to be thats why I fear this thing that's happening to me now. It akin to being a child without the ego. I dont know whats happening. all i know is i was possessed by ideas and stories and when ego rational mind was not there, the possession becomes too real like a lucid dream

This is absolutely great.

I became schizophrenic from bein bewitched by two witches

Agree mostly, and it can be hard on friends and family. But sometimes truth is also stranger than fiction as they say, and please be careful labeling one "crazy."

it get back to words and definitions and fall inside linguistic illusion, of defining an phenomenon with one word and marginalize it as something that's truth...

i love you terrence.

Which talk is this from, wheres the rest? or more from him on the subject other then the clips with schiz in the title?

What is the music towards the end?

Which Terence talk is this bit taken from ??

Anyone know where I can find the full video ?

"Cosmic doo-doo"..yep, and the fact that I know what he's talking about makes it funnier

Jim Rohn?

Who seen the cow in the picture

wow i can relate to this man! you need to integrate this stuff into yourself!

I’m curious what Terrence means by “schizophrenia” here. Doesn’t sound like the clinical definition. Clinical schizophrenia is not something a person can simply “play with” and “integrate”. I’m not sure that his experience with “schizophrenia” mirrors the experiences of many if not most of the people diagnosed with this illness. The prognosis for schizophrenia is really bad. People can’t function unless they are heavily medicated. It’s not the same thing as the psychological derangement, destabilization, and dissolution that sometimes results from an intense psychedelic trip. I’ve experienced the latter, and wrestled for close to two years to keep my sanity, and as horrible as it was (and also enlightening), I don’t think it corresponds to what actual schizophrenics experience. There are similarities, but clinical schizophrenia is truly an illness, a pathology. It’s not just a spiritual or psychological crisis. However, I do think that some people are misdiagnosed as psychotic or schizophrenic, when in fact they are experiencing an intense “spiritual” or psychological crisis, death and rebirth. But we shouldn’t confuse the two. One is a truly horrible debilitating disease, and the other is an awakening. At least that’s how I understand it. But maybe I’m wrong.

The last couple minutes is where its at

It's better to stay in the artistic mindset, then you never get sucked into accepting materialism and the likes, so you can better see the actual crazies and why they are mad.

He was just mildly nuts. Some people got serious infections, gut issues and vitamin & other deficiencies, e.g niacin... and the current doctors don't know shit ... so good luck to those that know what I'm talking about.

hrmmmm..... I like what he says here about not being SO attached to beliefs/belief system, but I'm not sure he's said much else that has any bearing on anything at all. This I'd have to classify under Terence McKenna light

I feel you dude.

I love this

Wow so on point

❤️

how did you get better?

Odd how people are terrified by mental illness but feel safe and warm with authority. Call me crazy but have you seen this world?

😬 oops 🙊 sorry about the mess. When people ask why just show them this.

I didn't believe in anything.... so true

yessssss

Iv your going to be this crazy enjoy it ... class advice rite there

When I was a mollusk...

Remind me of my ibogaine experience.

yeah terence but why should I believe you? you're freaked out by crazy, you should chill even more....