I think most people just think “I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.” Then, to their surprise, when they do hear from their ex again, they haven’t done the work and they’re completely overwhelmed. They come on too strong and blow it.
@@Ericgodisgood hang on for the ride bro. Don’t reach out to her for any reason. But don’t ignore her if she reaches out to you. Focus on yourself. Don’t compare yourself to her boyfriend. Endurance in the long run always wins. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. 🤜🤛Hope this message can help you brother.
@@BhaaveshG If she’s the one who left you, or maybe it’s not exactly clear who left who, I think it’s still best to go no contact if you’re barely talking right now. Let the whole thing blow over for a while. If you continue to reach out it will hurt your chances more and more. The fastest way to get her attention is stop communication. Wait for her to reach out to you. It’s simple advice but very hard to do, but if you can do it, the results will be worth it, whether you get your ex back or not.
Coming up on big day 70 - not a word since. I used to read comments in the early days hoping to be a success story. I still find myself hoping but life continues as does my progress on my personal goals I laid out for myself when I came to from the shell shock. Keep pushing everyone - the fact you’re here, watching these videos, commenting, etc speaks volumes as to what they’re missing out on. Share it with someone who deserves it.
I feel exactly the same. The amount of love & longing & desire says so much about how special they were to us & the sad thing is they night never even know 😢
I've lost count of the days. I'm on month 4. However, there have been a few moments where I feel completely moved on from that person, and coincidentally, I see a sign that they're trying to reach out. Be it their best friend inviting me to a party or they've changed the publicity status of their profile. I still won't reach out, though. And as long as she's happy, then I have no choice but to move on.
@@johnsonwithat2322 I can relate to that feeling of feeling moved on and right back into hoping of longing - it comes and goes - I would say the vast majority is moved on feelings while seconds or minutes if my day personally at dedicated to longing. It’s a weird feeling of limbo and don’t expect it to necessarily just disappear given you were in a meaningful relationship at one point. Hang in there you got this you’re clearly on the right track. I haven’t heard anything and therefore cant infer anything - experiences are different but the methods and results could very well be the same.
@@gracetomaszczyk2145 maybe it says more about how special WE are vs them. They may never know - but they might not be deserving of that knowledge. Hang in there and flip the script!
I actually did cry and basically begged and gave him the third degree about why he broke up with me ... And he actually came back. It took 1 week of no contact
It’s been 6 months, when I look back at myself, I can feel a strong sense of compassion and empathy towards myself, and this is something I didn’t really have or understand before the breakup. I really do empathize with all of you guys and hope we can all come out of this as a more compassionate, loving individual. I admit It’s very challenging to get out of the state of self-blaming and feeling abandoned, so self-love and self-care are skills that really helped me. Be patient with yourself and I believe we’ll prevail one way or another.
That is some really great advice. The loneliness bites like anything, and self-love and self-care has really helped me go through that stuff. Thanks for reminding me the same. Wish you a happy day!!
I was recently broken up with, LDR. Followed NC rule, listened to your videos 24/7 (one about self respect spoke to me the most). Flew to the place where he lives (as does my family), ended up meeting him. And now … I don’t even want to get him back anymore. He does though. So … NC did a good job, but most of all for building my self worth.
The longer it’s been since the breakup the more unbalanced it should be in your favor. My ex wife is doing 100% of the pursuing and initiating but it’s not enthusiastic enough for me to want to be with her again. I think she has too much pride to do what is necessary to get me back.
he’s not coming back. i tried so hard to win him back and to make our relationship work for the 2nd time. i even asked him if he sees me in his future and he said “i dont know.” i told him that i was willing to adjust and compromise this time, but all he said was “i’m too toxic for you. i know that if i wont change, our relationship will never work. i’m tired of seeing you suffer with me. dont try to adjust for someone who’s not even willing to change their behavior for you.” i went to as close as begging him and started questioning my self value and worth. but his decision is final. hurts so much to know that the person you value and love the most doesn’t even feel the same. that he would rather lose you than try to improve himself.
What he is saying is its " its not you, it's me" routine, which is just him saying he's not interested in you anymore because there's probably someone else, and he's just trying break up without telling you that. You shouldn't have to change for someone. You should just find someone you're compatible with.
I’m really sorry, and it’s so strange for someone to seem like they’re self aware of being toxic but they choose to specifically emphasize that they’re NOT choosing to change or work on themselves for you. You seriously might’ve actually dodged a bullet, I just can’t believe that
Same thing pretty much just happened to me. At the end of the day, my guy didn't care enough to get the help he needed. At one point, he said he would get help, that he wanted to fight for us. A few weeks later, I said he needs to reach out for help (ie, counseling) because things weren't working out like they were. So he moved out immediately. That was 2 weeks ago today, and I haven't heard from him, nor have I reached out. And I won't unless he's willing to get help. His extreme jealousy, paranoia (thinking I was talking to other guys on the DL when I'm not like that at all) and insecurities were causing me serious distress. He was looking for and finding things that weren't even there, to the point of being damn near delusional. So in my case, it really was him, not me. And I guess I gave an ultimatum, and he chose to the option to cut and run so fast, it made my head spin. If someone loved me so much and was so worried about someone else getting to me, why was he so quick to bounce out? Geez, asking that question makes me think that he had someone else on the side, possibly wanting to catch me doing something to justify his BS (and clear his conscience), and the moment I gave the ultimatum, he made clear his interest was in seeing where things were about to go with his new piece. Ugh! 🤯🤬 If that mofo was messing around on me, best believe he's got what's coming to him! I am so not the person to harm or do dirty if you don't want karma to bite you in the ass. I'm a good woman - faithful, committed, honest, beautiful...you name it!
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really loved him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.
2 weeks NC, getting slowly 'easier' though every day still seems like a struggle in eternity, I can't believe it's only been 2 weeks, it feels like months already. Still get stong urges to check socials or drive past her house, but I know exactly how that would be perceived so I avoid it and try to push those thoughts away. Coach Lee vids help! Trying to just accept a life without her as I doubt she will come back, but I am trying to keep in mind the two paths are the same in many ways.
Leave it to destiny man...I have...the emotions gonna overwhelm you like a tidal wave then ease up..then return...but after it calms...only when they reach out does it kind of put u out of sync at least in my case..cuz I mentally prepped to say they are gone....its real tough but NC did bring contact to me...we all get them thoughts don't do it..u will feel like shit after
@FacelessAlias... valentine's is going to be tough, not looking forward to that day in particular for alot of reasons. I actually have a few 'legitimate' reasons to get ahold of them, but just giving it time at the moment, it's the only way to reveal to myself whether it is really over or if we just needed some time apart. Once I feel more emotionally stable and ready to move on I will get my stuff back if I still need it.
It does not remain as hard to stay in no contact. I'm at Day 30, and the past week was much easier. Remember, Coach Lee says 45 to 75 days. You will begin to feel "if it happens, it happens...I will be good eventually."
The last tip is so good. We have to be willing to let go to save whatever we have left if our exes are not willing to change. Life is short to waste it on someone who doesn't show their love through action. We deserve better!
Thank you so much coach Lee ,this message has come at the right time ,this is my current situation am trying to take it slow ,the guy is acting so casual as if he never hurt me ,i'am not in a hurry to take him back until am fully convinced he is ready to transform n ready to make things work for us .
I have been thinking about all the things you are reiterating here. It will be 1 year in May. Your helping me to REALLY think through if it is even worth going/getting back............ always, thank you
Ex blocked me as she always did. Then unblocked tried to reach out I was over the blocking and unblocking so I ignored her. She kept reaching out asking for something back that she thought I Had. Never answered so she called me like 60 times in a row. I blocked and haven’t unblocked since. Stay strong ya’ll you deserve better.
Excellent! They do things like that not because they miss you or care, but more as a means of control. They want to control the post break up narrative for unhealthy reasons
2 months NC, longest it’s ever been, currently blocked, and today’s her birthday, but I’m treating it as a regular day for focusing on myself and my goals. We got this 💪
53 days-I'm losing hope. I just thought that he'd miss me, considering we were in the same friend group-which I left after the breakup-and he told me he still wanted me in his life 😔😔. I declined his request for friendship a month after the breakup (which was on 8 November); it hurts, but I'm pulling through.
I'm glad that you are "pulling through". In time, with that attitude, you will be fine. No matter how things work out, Coach Lee provides the guidance to "live and learn" so that we can come out of this stronger and better.
We broke up amicably five months ago after eight years together. We share a house and two dogs so we still talk and occasionally see each other in passing when I see the dogs, we’re on friendly terms. I’ve desperately tried to win her back to no avail though, and I’ve had a family member die since and received hardly any support or concern from her which hurt so I’ve gone No Contact - I’m a month into it and it hurts so much, but these videos popping up give me strength to continue and carry on.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
I have so much hate and so much anger and resentment, and I’m torn. As there’s still some hope. And I hate it. I see him interacting with other women openly and it breaks my hearts. What is wrong with me, why am I so weak?
You are not weak, you are hurt. And you need to heal from that hurt. Try not be in the places that he goes. Self preservation and self care is important so you don't see him with other girls for now, until you are a little stronger 💝
we’ve been together for 6 years, and a lot of it has been painful throughout. Now he’s just become sadistic and so horrible, but a big part of me still wants to make it work. I’m struggling so much to just let go. We’re still not divorced and nothing seems to have started, he just chose the bachelor life and told me to go ahead with the proceedings. I’m unbelievably hurt. I feel so broken. And to even go out anywhere, his memories are everywhere. I hate him and I miss him. I can’t understand how people can be so cruel. And he seems to enjoy seeing me hurt and upset. It calms him down once I break down. I feel really weak. And I don’t know how to escape any of this including my thoughts and feelings. It’s been months of pain and torture.
@@LK-sk2wv so why wpuld you want to be with someone like that? Think about your attachment issues, and work on them, one by one. You can do better, you deserve to be happy. Mindfulness helps calm the mind and body. Tara brac is an amazing mindfulness teacher and life talker. RU-vid her when you have time to sit down and start calming the anxiety. This will pass but you have to do the work. You are worth it 💝
@@LK-sk2wv Might I put in my 2 cents? This pain you're feeling is temporary. Once you insist on giving yourself a chance to heal, the pain will begin to fade a little bit every day. That's a common theme here, if you read through the comments after viewing the videos. As I was going through my experience a few months ago, I held on tightly to that realization and it got me through to the point where I'm sitting right now. On healing: You've already said that the relationship itself has been painful throughout. So, might I point out that if this hadn't happened; you'd probably be feeling much the same way now in any case? So even though you might still want him, it appears that he's simply not good for you. This incident might feel like sport for him, but it just might be your chance to shift your perspective and get well, on your own terms. Think of his cruelty as incentive, to get going and move toward a new, healthy future. That's what I did - I set personal boundaries and its helping through the sparse contacts that keep happening. Instead of being devastated every time I get a text or through the 1 1/2 hour phone call we had; I now laugh when I see who the text is from. Because I've moved on. Finally - If the memories are everywhere you go - go to new places and make some new memories. If you keep seeing him with other women; learn how to unfocus from him and re-engage in the new life you've decided to fight for. And train yourself to focus on those things instead, even when he's around. Good Luck to you.
It only feels that way from your perspective. The other person likely spent a lot of time debating the relationship before they decided to call it quits.
I had the embarrassing drunk nights before, I’m avoiding alcohol right now because it always makes me miss and feel desperate for her. Coach Lee says that puts them in an easy position to sort of look down on you and reaffirm their decision. The right person will appreciate your time, dedication, love and loyalty. Stay strong
The key point is: it all comes down to self-love - anyone who has self-love will never enter this maze game with weak power cards in hand. I believe that in the future with Artificial Intelligence, human beings will understand that love is always a rational construction that requires emotional balance.
I feel loss...the loss of not just a relationship but a future I wanted....and denied because of him....he was thirty three years ago...he's gone thru 2 marriages since....I "dated but never got into another relationship since him I am 65 now. I never ever wanted to be alone in my life.
Was together for about eight months. Initially, I broke it off because I got in my own head and the fact that she lives five hours away and was getting ready to enroll into a nursing program… I never dropped contact with her we continued to communicate and I continued to drive to see her many weekends until a couple months later she left. I don’t know what to do because I’ve never felt this way about any of the girls I dated like I do her and especially her one year-old son, who I treated as my own. So it’s frustrating because after my initial call off and amongst many of our discussions, she wanted to know what I wanted, and I made the decision that she was the one who wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but it just seemed like too little too late. More than anything all I want is a second chance, but I’m afraid I won’t ever get one.
Man, 5 hour distance is nothing, I understand you because I've spent, in sum, almost 2 years of my 5-year-long relationship on distance and now I'm in Asia and she's in Europe and we're trying to maintain it still
Bro first of all.. take a deep breath and calm down. 8 months means she's not just going to forget you like that. First send her a clean slate letter not saying needy clingy confess you love type letter but one that says something about you having time to think things over and decided that she's the one and that you understand you hurt her by calling it off and get it if she no longer feel safe or have confidence in your promises. But you've had some self reflection and see things differently. But you understand why she wants nothing to do with you and you respect that and will leave her alone. After that letter actually leave her alone. Dont call or check on her or any of ther social media. Disappear for real for at least 1 month. Work on your self..get hotter hit the gym, if she's into family stuff, then do family things and take plenty of pic and post them. They have to be real no fake stuff or she will see it as manipulation trust me. She won't come back right away but you planted a seed. After a while she will reach out because your new life style shows that you want commitment and have changed and she will insert her self into that life and see it a possibility and then she will start to come around. It will take time. You broke her trust and safety in you so you have to earn that back not in a fake manner but you have to prove it realistically not faking it to get her back because she will smell that from a mile away and pull back. Trust me. Also learn everything you csn about attachment styles it will be a game changer for you I promise. There are lots of videos on it in RU-vid. If you learn nothing else learn about attachment styles it is fucking key.
I waked away . Could not live in rhe horrendous pain and suffering any longer . I still loved him and my only wish was to go and find him and be with him . But as much as i STILL LOVE HIM i have to go away and be alone i never deserved such torment . Or the intensity of the betrayals . I just need my strength to keep going . There is no going back for more pain . Mor anguish.. i cant forgive him . 8 surrendered it all so i can wait for hapoiness to come my way. I miss him .. but its up to him to look for me . I cant make any more sacrifices for nothing . .
Keep the mindset that you don't deserve the torment and betrayals. Try to book a coaching session with Coach Ken to understand attachment styles and how to move forward.
It’s hard to go into no contact, very hard because you want to call her etc.. But you have to be strong mentally and you might get to the point where you realize you don’t want her back and you become happy. Time heals it all just be patience, good luck❤
Hello coach. I really enjoy your videos, they're very objective and helpful to curb the anxiety, so thank you for that! I was wondering though: Can it take longer for an ex to reach out during NC if the relationship was of about 5 years? it's been about 9 months and I can't fully let go of hope even as I keep trying to talk myself into it. We haven't returned each other's things and there are some factors in both directions that make me feel like I should keep having hope but then also stop having hope.
Hi Coach Lee, massively need your advice!! As of this Friday, I will have completed two months of total NC with my ex. I have been watching your videos and decided to reach out to him over the weekend(he was the dumper). However, I am seeing him anyway next Saturday for our close friend’s bachelor party. Should I go ahead and reach out first or wait till the party? Please help, I really don’t want to mess up my chances.
@@ual_130 hey! I decided not to reach out but met him at the party. He was really sweet and gave me a lot of attention. It messed up with my healing though because I missed having him🥲 I’ve decided I’m not ever going to reach out. If he wants to he can. If he doesn’t I will move on anyway. How’s it going for you?
I didnt respond to a "your a great person message" 6 weeks into no contact .. did i mess it up ? Will he text again? I felt upset at the time becuase he didnt think i was so great when he broke up with me. Guess i was hurt by his "your a great person" text .. please advise me ?
That’s something I would definitely respond to, just make your response make you seem as mature and strong as possible. I would tell him something along the lines of a “thank you for these kind words, but…” message and just make sure you are one step behind him - because he might just be breadcrumbing to make sure you are still waiting and an option for him. It’s true at the time he broke up with you he didn’t think you where “great”, but (if it was a good relationship) that means at some point before the breakup he DID think you where great. The fact that something changed in his mind, means something can chance again. I would be open to at least hear him out because sometimes people make mistakes that they end up regretting. But you definitely don’t want to begin chasing him in this situation, because he was the dumper, that’s his job - so let him do that.
do you have any advice for me. Me and my ex where great together for 14-15 months, we had a few problems and broke up and after 25 ish days of no contact she said she’d missed me and things but I made myself too availible and after a hour long phone call she said she needs to focus on herself again and we are another 2 weeks into no contact. Will she come back again?
Do not do LONG phone calls or text message threads at first. Say something like, "When you have time in your schedule, let's meet up for coffee or dessert." Until then, find Coach Lee's videos about what to do when your ex reaches out.
I am struggling so hard right now. I keep asking my tortured heart, “how can he miss me when he is taking a trip to another country with another woman?” It’s only been a week, but I think my chances are 0. 😥
If he does that after one week then he had that other women for a long time! Dont miss and beg for a cheater. He is not worth your time and you should life that way! Be a queen and not a beggar
It didn't feel like it for many months. But eventually it began to seep in - she did me a favour. She wasn't someone who would have my back when it mattered. She ran away from herself more than from me, into someone else's arms who doesn't know her or sees her in a different way (doesn't really know her). Your power will come back. Take every opportunity to begin taking it back. Don't give your love easily, nor your body. People are such users these days and kind souls are going to get very hurt if they play with them. God bless.
I find it interesting that videos like this have come Up and that things back in the day used to be different. Also that things are different in cultures and countries where divorce is either illegal or highly ill advisable.
So can this work if he ghosted me for almost 5 months ( I did text several times at during that time, about once a month). 2 months after my last text he texted me several times, maybe 10-12 times over the course of a month.( I responded similarly) At one point he said he didn't want to live without me but we were star-crossed crossed, then 2 weeks ago he said we shouldn't be in contact since he now has a new girlfriend. I did not respond. Did the time clock restart?
made a bunch of mistakes years ago she did come back took me reaching out after long time. but i think i was being used until she found someone better because she kept seeing the old me throwing thinks from a decade ago in my face. gave her the option to get a hold of me and hang out. but I'm a lot better staying single because she clearly doesn't care anymore at all.
right 10 years down the drain but when we last talked she blamed me for everything keep in mind we originally split in 2019 i made all the mistakes she wanted space i ended up with someone else that didn't work. something in my gut told me reach out so i did. hung out everything was good but i was hidden meaning she told no one about us we hung out 2021 to 2023. fast-forward end of last year she went to therapy and still blames me for everything stuff that happened 10 years ago. told me that there is to much damage to try again. i did leave door open though i still love her probably always will but im not getting anything positive here she don't even reply when i message her so i made decision to walk away. and i will probaly never talk to her again.
@@skinner1790 sounds like the relationship is beyond repair and reconciliation. Best to learn from the mistakes and move on entirely. You'll only love someone until something new comes along that creates a new love. Such is life
She went into therapy and still blames you? Doesn't sound like therapy is working for her. Accept and learn from what might have been your responsibility, then don't lose sight of those things when you are in a new relationship.
@@terryguers3150 yea were talking things from decade ago it's been 5 years since we split and yay saying I was manipulate and bunch of other stuff I just walked away maybe one day she will get her head right idk she is also 38 now
My ex of 14 years cheated on me and left me for a known meth addict. Who has her on that poison. Its been 2 years now. Havnt heard a single word from her. I even raised her 2 kids. Like I never existed.
Bloody hell. Sorry. My ex broke up with me via text and ghosted my loving replies, the weekend he was meant to finally come meet my parents. I'd given him the world consistently up to this point. 8 months no contact (never ever heard from him again ever.) STILL in pain. Sort of healing a little bit.
Sorry that happened. His loss! I know it is awful how people can do the things they do. But he will regret it one day, just like my ex will. As well they should...!
People are giving numbers of NC & that jawn just isn't it. No disrespect, but #5 is the ONLY advice everyone who is suffering needs to hear from this video. If they arent willing to put in the work, then screw them, work on yourself & the person who loves you will eventually appear.
Hi can anyone reply with advice please. So after 25 or so days my ex reached out and she explained she’d missed me for most of the time and we spoke for a few days and after a hour and a quarter phone call she said she needs to carry on focusing on herself maybe I made myself too available. We are now 14 days no contact since then and I seen her out last night will she message me again? We wasn’t toxic we was great we was just going through a bit of a bad spell and broke up
I can’t imagine in my wildest dreams my egotistical self absorbed ex would ever work to get Me back He never saw Me as a catch , He never thought I was beautiful He isn’t going to magically change that no matter how cool I play it
All questions asked tell me he doesn't want me .. he did toss me aside so quickly and it feels like it happened yesterday even though that was 138 days ago Tomorrow's my birthday and i am deluding myself into thinking that he will text me... i think i am the one breaking my own heart
Last month was my birthday and it crushed me that he didn't text... it's over 8 months since I heard from him after he discarded me and ghosted me. We both need to move on... sending love..
This would be our 4th time going in NC. I don’t think I can do it again… not under these circumstances, it’s not right and every time we’ve gotten back together it’s always the same thing. Always cause of one person and it’s like I’m in the middle. He tells me he doesn’t talk to her and has both to do with her(his ex) but it’s always lies lies lies. Calls and text from her in the middle of the night sneakiness. I know they’re not together but the communication is still there they still entertain each other. It’s like where do I stand with him. 😢 I just want to be done, but I miss him soooo much.
Continue to watch Coach Lee and stay strong. I miss sweet lady very much. I’m working on improving my life, it’s hard I would do anything to hear her voice right now. Day 23 NC 😢
@@Ivy89261 Not chasing not begging. It’s just the lying to me about still talking to her. Why does he feel he has to lie about it. He still chooses her in his life and I’m just stuck in the middle. I’m tired of it 😢
If you genuinely want to wish her happy birthday and do care about her and would like her back, you can wish her happy birthday. However if she was the one who walk away and hasn't reached out then you don't.
We broke up 4 months ago and I met another guy and had been dating with him a couple weeks After my ex figured out that he was disappointed and cried… Now we changed roles like it’s I am initiator of breakup… crazy. How this will affect on my ex, will he never come back knowing I was in relationship after breakup?
I personally wouldn't. Even if I had been with someone else I couldn't go back. Once you kick the drug you never want to touch it again. I know it's black and white, but in every relationship you'll have issues, and if they didn't work through things before they won't now. When you leave someone the trauma isn't enough to look deep inside to work on ice hardened behaviours. You'll skim over surface level defects and say to yourself "I didn't communicate enough", or "it was both our faults", but not much more.
I wouldn't be interested in seeing theirs because there's no sure way of telling if it's truthful or made up. If they're seeing yours and you are not texting, calling, or visiting with them, then it's still NC. They could just be checking up to see if you've moved on or not. It'd be the "curiosity stage" Coach Lee speaks of. Next, if they ate afraid they could lose you, they might break NC and reach out to you.
@Coach Lee I’ve done no contact for almost 8 months now. Am I willing to risk it all and take a chance and lose it all and break no contact? Maybe when I’m at the threshold of a new relationship, it might not be worth going back? I will push forward and see what my future brings with new people in my life. And if I hit a brick wall in moving forward, then I’ll need to test the strength of that brick wall and take a chance and see if my ex wants me in her life. Tough choices @Coach Lee!
Been NC for 42 days. I found out I have a lump that may be malignant do I reach out to them and tell them? We ended on good terms. He broke up with me after 3 years bc he couldn’t give me what I wanted (marriage) bc he failed prelim for boards and has so much debt from medical school. He promised to reach out when he’s ready. He wanted to keep in touch but I said no. It feels like it’s special circumstance but idk. We were best friends.
@@modernmasculinity6560 right, that’s how come I haven’t reached out because I don’t want his pity. I want the love and support we gave each other that helped us both get through so much but that only comes from him coming back on his own. Thanks for your comment.
Wen my ex bf broke up with me first time it was because my son was a lil bad it's not he's child but we both share a child together then he said he need to focus on he's kids for right now
Hi coach Lee! I purchased your emergency breakup kit and followed it along. Ive been doing the NC for 35 days now and since i started (2days after the breakup) she has reached out 3 times asking how i am doing and so, we actually stumbled upon each other and she behaved insecure and told me how she was crying at work all the time. Everytime we have talked she tells me she gonna come get her stuff at my place but she never does. She blames it on her work and thats was kinda her explanation for the breakup as well. “She doesn’t want to be in a relationship, because she feel she has no time for that” Yesterday she actually came to my place to get her stuff but we just hang out and then ended up having sex (the night we brokeup we also ended up having sex before she left) before she left she stated again that she is not wanting a relationship right now but she want to keep seeing me for intimacy. I don’t know if i should keep doing NC and when she reaches out and wanna come over i agree to it and focus on making small positive interactions everytime to slowly win her back or just tell her im trying to move on and i cant keep seeing her in that way and stay in NC.. i am focusing alot on me, working out, spending time with my family, meditating etc i just dont know if i should keep her close or keep distance..
Set boundaries, when she reaches out, tell her you're not a friend with benefits and that you are interested in a relationship, not something else. But in your place, I'd work on myself and reflect about if she's the right person, I'm not so sure if she's really mature.
Coach Lee: My ex started a snap streak with me 4 days ago. But hasn't really said much. Some things about day to day life, but said she doesn't really discuss her personal life with someone who isn't in her life anymore. But has since still kept sending pictures on snap and minimum talking about random stuff. Is she just testing the waters?
Can you please make a video on going through a friends with benefits situation with your ex with no no contact period in between. I still want him, we see each other a bit more often but he says he doesn’t want a relationship.
Coach please do a video if you missed responding during no contact and they broke up with you and you ignored them when they reached out (previous coach direction)
He done that in many videos. You ignored them. Ask yourself, do you like people ignoring you? Why would they want you back or give you another chance to do be that rude.
If the person cared or was truly interested then they would continue to try and make contact despite you ignoring them. If you ignored their attempt at a contact and they stopped and didn't make any effort to try again then that person wasn't really interested anyway. They were most likely just bored or lonely at that moment and wanted some entertainment without any serious emotion attached to it.
@@sloanmagnum5009 that's not true. They were interested enough to make contact. They got ignored and may now practising self respect, nobody likes to be ignored. Nobody.
Hey Coach, my nephew recently got dumped by his first "GF" (he's 16) . Told him straight up, "The best thing you can do at this moment Boss is to give each other space. Easier said than done since you're both in the same school, I know; however, if she comes back it'll mean things were meant to be, and if she doesn't, then it means you dodged a potential bullet. Neither you nor her know the time or day it will happen. For now, nephew, all you can do is live the best life you can. Show her maturity and that you can be alright without her."
Its been 2 year's. I cant let go and i can't move on. I've tried. . He does reach out. But nothing of interest. I cry all the time. I want to reach out . Has he chaged his mind about me .
You should ask him to stop reaching out to you because you dont want to be just friends and tell him if he is not willing to build real loving relationship with you, you're going to move on. Tell him even you got someone interested in you already and stop responding. He either flip his beliefs or will be gone. Either way you gonna be free. Don't let anyone hurt you for years.
I suggest you seek professional therapy. 2 years is a long time to spend in your position without any meaningful change. You might be in an emotionally obsessive compulsive whirlpool that you can't escape on your own. I thinkna qualified therapist is needed
@sloanmagnum5009 there is change just not much. I don't think a Councillor can help me. As I really really don't want to move on .as my gut says he is comming back.
I have a question that your no-contact videos don't address. How do I keep no-contact when there is a child involved and also when we have 50/50 ownership of an apartment that needs to be sold? Me and my ex need to clarify some practical issues around the child and apartment and therefore 100% no contact is not possible. How should I approach this situation with no-contact in mind? Thanks
No contact it's about your value, dignity, and patience. If you have some things you should share with your ex or contact your ex the fact you contact him doesn’t break the rule, but the way you do. Be polite, don’t overreact, don’t be super emotional with him/her Don’t contact ex without purpose, think twice before contact, is it really something important Be short and end conversation first
Be polite and simple. Get your things, say thank you. Then leave. Unless your ex starts kissing you. Then kiss back. But if they ask to get back together, tell them that you are open but want to take things one day at a time.
If you have begged and pleaded very much 6 months and you told them that you love them can no contact made them realize they could lose you or are they gonna think that you are there and they don't have to bother? Can this situation change?
@@sloanmagnum5009 She aren't happier she dates other guys that they play with her and don't take her serious she also don't have a lot of friends so I'm assuming the most days she spent them in the house
12 years here and he said not interested in anything between us after on and off , 37 days no contact , hes talking now but doesnt initiate just responds
I’ve been there. It didn’t work. Sending messages with weak replies involves us helping with their grief process. It is draining to us and we loose value and their attraction level towards us goes down in their eyes. They absolutely need to go through that process by themselves. By leaving and establish NC indefinitely we allow ourselves to heal and grow. Open yourself to new opportunities when you’re ready. We need to keep an open mind to a new start with a new perspective (of self love ❤️). It doesn’t happen overnight. It will eventually bring the right person to you regardless of who that person is… maybe your ex or a brand new person. We need to remember who really matters and take a glance on a mirror. That person is us🎉
Hey Coach, what happens if i was the reason she broke up with me ? Because of things i did in the past that affected her. ive been the one who’s tried to reach out but she still is mad and resentful. How can i approach a situation like that when one is at fault for the breakup ?
Well if you haven’t apologized, you should. ASSUMING you really did something wrong. Don’t fall for the temptation to justify reaching out by apologizing for something that doesn’t matter - that will just make you look weak and your attractiveness will fall. Do you have my Emergency Breakup Kit yet? If not, here is a discount code that takes 25% off of the price. The code is 2A53FC. Just go to myexbackcoach.com/checkout/?level=1
Hey coach lee my ex has been reaching out to me ever since I went no contact and I have casually responded and nothing more like you suggested but last week at the 45 day mark I asked her how she was doing and she just started telling me everything she has been doing since i went no contact and told me she wants to speak to me from time to time then she went silet and it has been two days did I do something wrong?
Two days isn't that long. Anyways, it sounds like your ex just wants to be in the position of power which is why your ex waited for you to respond and ask her something so that should could dump her life events on you like she's more important and get the last word in kind of behavior. She sounds toxic. Go no contact, indefinitely.
"Friend zone" maybe, or she just wants to keep you near in case she doesn't meet someone else? I suppose you could ask to meet up to "catch up" and see if she says that she would like to restart something at that time or in a few days. If she doesn't, then resume NC, with the possibility that you could end up saying, "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't KNOW they want to be with me." That could end the friend zone or you just being a back up plan.
She came back to me then put a restraining order on me wanting me to leave her alone when I give her the space she come disturb my peace then does this . She’s the devil a narcissist. I have never been in trouble a day in my life now she’s trying to ruin me
How does it work if you maintain no contact but you still get random messages every week from your ex. And my responses are either ok or a thumbs up and they continue? I don’t know how these are breadcrumbs she isn’t getting anything it’s been a year of break up
I would say, due to the fact that you are the man in this situation, and that it has been so long since the breakup - you have nothing to lose now. If you still want her back, make a move, because waiting any longer probably won’t change anything now.
Hi My boy friend broke up with me many times….and got back after a day or two,byt this time he said its over for ever and ask ed me to meet new people and start a new life. Wo loved each other so much but faut a lot Is there a hope for me
That doesn't sound like love. That sounds like a horrible relationship that nobody should ever have to be in. You're in love with the drama and heartache, not the person.
Go no contact, and seriously consider taking his advice and begin dating other people in 2 and a half or 3 months. Buy try not to let him yo-yo you back and forth because that would just seem as if he likes to control you and push your buttons. You'll need to be stronger than that.
It depends on what the text said. And if they responded. I suggest you join my Support community and ask me and my coaches about your situation with more details. The community is here: LoveDynamics.com
Did you mean what you said at the time? Despite how you feel about it right now, you may have been fully justified in what you originally said and should stick to it. Your feelings could have been valid and needed to be heard.
I am stuck , I cannot even go for no contact because she is my junior colleague but from another branch and we have to be in contact online for work purpose. I feel very helpless because she contacts me only officially
Im a lesbian, and my partner dumped me 7 months ago. But she wanted us to continue our relationship, but she couldn't or wouldn't give up her man. So she wants me on the side.
Successful story here! Coach Lee. Is on point. I broke up with my ex a while ago and I followed couch Lee’s advice. My ex texted me five days after we broke up and we got back together. Thanks Coach Lee for the great advice!
3 months for me and my ex can't make up her mind saying starting to miss me but still with rebound and is very interment I'm trying the no contact Nd I admit tried to plead my case was together 14 years I can tell she is going through limerence it's hard to watch she is not same person I once knew
My ex broke up with me a few times but it never lasted. Now we've been broken up for 10 months and he keeps reaching out every 2 months. He made an account and pretended to be my secret admirer. Still has feelings and still chases me here and there but always disappears...I don't get him.
Only been 3 days and god am i struggling but this gives me hope. Only thing is she doesnt really give me space because we started out as bestfriends then dated and she wants me as her bestfriend :( such a hard situation for me but trying i just feel like its hard because ive tried it in the past but she messages me like 2 days after so i dont know how its even possible with her.
Watch these videos religiously. Feel like nothing pertains to my situation exactly. Long story long... Met 2004, married 2006, divorced 2012 (my infidelity) reconciled 2014-2020, fwb 2020-till end of 23. I spoke up that i coulsnt do it anymore and we needed to give it an honest try or just move on. Feb 2024, as we figure things out, its been on her terms and i havent been able to speak up. Theres very little communication on her part, but tid bits and crumbs have been trickeled in the form of spending some time together. Theres never been no contact. She reaches out daily. Longest we've not talked is 3days in over almost 20 years. Feel idle, I want some kind of finality to this. Losing patience casue feel like i cant speak up or it'll ruin it. Help!
@@passerby6168 I think because my dad gave me the bare minimum and didn’t make me feel special and he was avoidant or either angry. So I think I just attract it. 🤷♀️
