Great topic. I did my doctoral dissertation on this area. However, I think that an individual with BPD is probably more often in an Anxious-Preoccupied state in intimate relationships. In my practice, I see the Anxious-Avoidant style prevalent in the mood disorders like anxiety and depression.
I am not sure if I am fearful avoidant or anxious preoccupied. I am very clingy in relationship but also very distrustful and assertive. I tend to suddenly cut people off of my life because I am scared they are going to start disliking me. I tend to get in relatioinship with people I feel superior to subconsciously because I can't stand feeling inferior. Then I try to humble myself.. vicious cycle
"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." - W. Clement Stone
As more and more people inherit or acquire insecurities it will outnumber the secure types. These people will remain single. Natural population control?
I’ve been wondering about that too. As soon as I figured out that I had a FA style, I started looking back at my exes and realized the people I thought were Dismissive were probably more Fearful Avoidant too. I’m pretty sure any DA’s I met ran for the hills as soon as they sensed my intensity, so there was no relationship to speak of. But I don’t understand why it is talked about as such an unusual style….
@@Portia620 Actually the all sex thing is more of a Dismissive Avoidant characteristic. A Fearful-Avoidant would want the relationship but not want to call it a relationship. Or they’d want it but be overwhelmed by jealously all the time and be breaking up and getting back together. However, I have heard it said that the % of Dismissive people in the dating pool is much higher than the general population because they don’t stay in relationships so they just keep recirculating.
I am fearful avoidant. Whenever i become too close to someone i randomly say (dont mean, only say) bad things about them in my mind, i try to push them away. And i feel really bad when they don't immediately reply to my texts, depending on the subject matter of the text, conclusion: I cling, when they have a hold, i try to run away.. And i am so proud that i am aware of this and trying to do better.
I want really compliment and thank this channel and the host and experts... This content is so valuable and critical in todays world. It should be taught in High Schools all around the country.
After years & years of unresolved issues/childhood trauma & yet another failed relationship, I finally put myself into therapy ;specifically trauma & cognitive behavioral therapy), where I am learning about things such as attached issues... I have Fearful-Avoidant Attachment issues. I was adopted when I was 3, so that fear of abandonment was sown very early in life & I avoid getting close to anyone because I don’t like to depend on anyone....I desire closeness, yet it requires vulnerability & trust in another person to have good intentions, but because of these attachment issues, it usually attracts the kinds of people who are not always the best fit.
I ran across this after a breakup a few years ago. Helped me realize my style as well as hers. It's been such a huge help going forward, feels like I was blind before.
I have fearful attachment style it has caused many issues within my life. I have been working on my BPD anger stress and anxiety for years. I have hit a massive wall within my therapy this past month after my adoptive mother passed away Nov. 5th 2022. I thought I would have time to talk with her about how her actions/words directly affected me my entire childhood and my adult life. Between her years of denial and then dementia set in I was unable to receive closure. I dated people just like my mother never seeing the pattern I was in until BPD therapy. Now I have an amazing man whom loves me as I am knowing I work on my faults daily and I have no clue how to receive the positive inputs the love caring and understanding. It's like being in a foreign country not knowing how to communicate. It breaks my heart.
When I've done test after testing consistently come out as 33% secure, 33 avoidant and 33 fearful. I put this down to the different 'caregivers ' in my life who were predominant growing up between 1 and 7 yrs. E made me feel great another scared me to death and the other was totally emotionally neglectful. So if im around people I get that gutt feeling as to whether I'm comfy on edge or they're doing my head in. I don't think it's just attachment UNLESS you fall into a cluster pattern eg. Cluster b. It's also how that other person ... how you feel around them. If you feel a red flag walk away. This has been a long hard 60 yr lesson 🙋🙋
I think mine is fearful avoidant attachment style. But you define it very different from what I read in a book. I want the connection but its difficult to feel it or accept it (because I I don't feel it) from certain people (Im not open because I dont feel it and its like gross get away of some sort). An example can be my friends because they are the same age as me, but if its is a person that could represent a mother figure because of her age I would be able to receive it and feel it and feels good. Sadly I don't have much of that around and I did experienced it in the past, but right now I need it more. I can still feel like that little child or infant when I am on my own. I still live with my parents and I know how incapable they were because they still act and believe that touch and love is not that important. They reflect this when they express themselves, specially my mother. I rejected touch even as a baby from them and relatives. And I didn't know that I needed that until I was 19 years old when I seek help for depression. Besides Childhood Emotional Neglect, I did experienced emotional abuse growing up. I haven't had any romantic relationship and I don't want it. I have never fallen in love and neither find interest in that kind of relationship. I'm 34 years old. I don't believe myself to act clingy. Maybe is more internal? I do tend to push people away specially if they are men. I don't trust men as friendship because when they approach me normally they want more than a friendship and I only want a friendship. And when it comes to them I always run to the hills. Can be said that I have a fearful avoidant attachment style?
I am certainly noticing that the attachment style of each partner can have a dramatic effect on the dynamics of relationships. eg if insecure meets insecure it leads to constant break up and make up. If insecure meets secure the secure person sees the insecure as needy and jealous and may not be able to handle that or it leads to a co-dependent relationship with the secure person holding all the power. I am sure it will be possible to create a matrix showing the outcomes of each combination of the different attachment styles. Secondly, attachment styles can be affected by events, particularly traumatic ones, right into late teens. Eg loss of parent through separation, divorce or death in teen years. Another one is the failure to treat a child with High Functioning Autism correctly (by failing to recognise it in the first place) and trying to force 'normal' behaviours, is a form of abuse, as is spoiling a child. It is a fascinating sub-set of personality traits.
I am 58 years old. I realised only now that my dad was n narc. My brother is a narc. My first husband was. My boyfriend was. My fiance was scisofrenic. My second husband is a narc. Now.... I need to explore and need to learn to love myself. So sad that I mised such a large part of my life.
Fransie Nortje, start nw. Check Dr Ramani's videos. She is an expert on narcissism & lovely human being too. Wishing you happy life free of narcissists.
This has been so helpful for me as I continue to make changes and adjustments. I had to become educated on my attachment style and the traits that come with it. Reflecting back on examples where I have displayed those traits and how they have prevented me from progressing further. I would also recommend to look back and reflect on the platonic relationships that you had in school with friends because I have also found that to be very revealing.
Just read an interesting paper indicating reduced visual cortex grey matter volume in children and adolescents with reactive attachment disorder. I had no idea that visual cortex grey matter volumes were associated with visual emotional regulation impairments in reactive attachment disorder (Shimada et al. 2015).
I was always very insecure and clingy to my mother i came from family of 5! but i lost both parents at 18 years old my worst worst nightmare! and that has left me where i get attached to men (wrong men) very quick and am devasted when they leave.
gosh i wish Judy was on more podcasts with Domenick, y'all know how to present the information at hand in a proper intellectual ways.. ps * post editing pics/gifs/animated comics comedy or visuals are great to help the learner
I’m not sure what attachment style I have but it could be anxious. I’m codependent and needy, although I don’t enjoy dating. Most single people play extremely strange games to one up each other. I wish that I was securely attached.🤓❤️❤️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Can you have Borderline Personality Disorder and fearful attachment disorder? I got diagnosed with BPD due to attachment disorder. Fearful attachment relates me sooo much.
Guess I'm anxious-preoccupied. :/ I'm working on it, though. I don't let it show as much to my boyfriend because I don't want it to hurt our relationship.
According to a test I did, Im very avoidant and a mixture of fearful avoidant and dismissive avoidant. I feel like its a curse. Im in my 40s and am only just learning about this. I feel like I should just give up and accept Im cursed.
There are 2 categories of attachment styles in childhood which are organised attachment styles and disorganised attachment. Organised attachment contains secure and both insecure attachment styles: anxious ambivalent and avoidant. Disorganised attachment is the attachment style that is characterised by contradicting behavior, this stays valid true the lifetime. A disorder specific to those with disorganised attachment combined with trauma is DID. What she is talking about is Bartholomew's 2 axis typology of attachment, in which she measures adult attachment by attachment trust and attachment anxiety, variables that are determined by the childhood attachment, resulting the 4 types of attachment style. How is she an expert if she does not now the basis and gets things mixed up, honestly.
@@zayesha hello, sorry for the late answer. A good start if you re not a psychology major is attached by levine. Bowlby is also very good but more on the professional side and has scientific language so i find it would be hard to understand but you could always try, his work is concentrated more on children attachment. For adult attachment i suggest bartholomew and horrowitz or philip saver
disorganised attachment style from parents. have extreme DID due to extreme raped and raped from twin brother and older brother as well as others . brutal hm daily environment and life but yet am NORMAL host and have SAFE n secure attachment styles with hubby (22 yrs married and 2 kids). I got safe n secure attachments from teachers at school where I excelled and studied psychology and sociology at university and finished. it is POSSIBLE to make the best out of shit situation and to know what's right and wrong and follow ur heart.
Great video, however I feel both of your comments on people with anxious-preoccupied are jeering, regardless of the reality that they are clingy. Videos like these should not include unnecessary judgement, it can be detrimental to people suffering through this attachment style; going through therapy.
I have to mention that attachment styles aren't mental illnesses. Unlike personality disorders where it's an actual disorder, attachment styles aren't disorders. They are effectively who we are when making relationships. I don't have the training to tell you completely how to differentiate PDs from Attachment styles, but understand if you recover from a PD, your attachment style will still be here.
I was so confused that the male host's voice was playing over Dr. Judy's mouth moving for the whole intro, haha. I mean, I figured it out... eventually. **I'm not the quickest**
If really trying to help people why put the series in a charged membership? especially at a time like this where half the world is unemployed & don't have finances
I am fine until I fall in love and that's when everything goes to shit . It takes me awhile to start falling in love, and it happens more rapidly the more I see them and observe them, and one day boom the rose color glasses pop on and my heart melts for them more and more . Then that's when I start self-sabotaging the relationship, gaslighting, guilt-trip cause they have to go home for the dogs and kids, go from being a jerk to the most loving person . I just lost someone because she too was an AP and she ended up monkey branching me . Groomed another person and left me and 2 weeks later is in a relationship with him . That's why I am here cause I need to change or I will continue to lose people .
hi. i have no one to talk to exept you. iam maria . i am in russia now. just wanted to share something. thank you for the opportunity. i guess i have some problems. my sister. my ex. and something about my mom. just wanted to leave it here. i love my ex. i hate my sister. and my mom passed but i miss her. thank you so much for listening. i am lonely.its okay. i just need to go through it. thank you for everything. have a nice day. love. m.
