I know I have all these things. But, it has taken me a long time to accept these things. I'm 55 years old this month. Like leaving a situation or person when it is time? I felt so guilty as a younger person. Like I was abandoning them. And I also know now my power of "hitting where it hurts" when I'm done. I always asked myself, "What is WRONG with me?!" But, I didn't understand that detachment was a form of self-preservation. I do now. I've was told I'm too sensative, I'm too intense (when I say or do something that tries to go deeper into something or someone else). But, I know I can do that now and it is totally acceptable. And switching it up? I have always felt OK with it. When others weren't? That was OK too. And if people didn't like it, they fell away, and someone more worthy of me can come in. Acceptance of others? Yes, as the younger me? Very much so. Now? It doesn't bother me because I am very aware of who and what I am. And those who know me as well as they can, accept me for me and love me as I am. Even if they don't know all of me. So secretive, yes. But being who I am and living my best life is where I am now. Yes,sometimes thedark side does every once in a while pops up uncomfortably, but I see this life as a learning journey. I try to see what I can learn from it.
Had this dream of a jail cell door being slammed so hard it was breaking the frame... I had the oppertunity to repair said jail door in my dream. I decided not to repair the door. The enity that finally busted out of the jail said it would fucking kill me!, I just bowd my head and said, I understand, and let it pass by me. It has appeared for me in the darkest of hours, and I didnt locked up since he took control to save my life.
My dark side is my source of strength and determination 💪 We are as infjs are strong people with kind and responsible hearts and minds. Please don't be scared of your dark side.
In most cases, the main motive behind my detachment is not sadness or anger, but my acceptance of the truth. I am not a person who will turn a blind eye to what’s doomed to happen. If I foresee a dead end of a situation I will gather up all my inner strength to embrace that ugly truth no matter how painful it will be. It’s meaningless to hold on to anything that is destined to go, at least in my opinion. (Being nice and warm is great, but we also need to respect the truth.)
My dark side scares me sometimes, that I could think such things and be so cold. But it allows me to get through difficult situations and protect myself and others when necessary. I can take the hit. I can be tough for all of us and get us through. Probably the best use of this side.
We can take the hit, however should we always? The answer is NO! Because manipulative people smell that and take advantage of our strength. Suggestion: let them know you don’t always have to take the hit because of your empathetic skills, let them handle their problems. It’s not cold of us, it’s self-preservation!❤
This is so accurate. My motivations for sticking in toxic relationships weren't so much because I thought they might change. That would be awesome; but if I'm being 100% honest, it was more because I was trying to figure out the root causes of those behaviours. I've learned to reign in my curiosity. It's caused me some grief. I'm not sure I'd call us cold. So many people only hang on to people, situations, etc. because of pride. There's nothing warm about that; or the obsessions, self-loathing, and narcissistic injuries it can cause. I've come to learn what most personalities describe as INFJ coldness is really just humility, prioritization, and self-worth. No point ruminating over those who've harmed you. They've already squandered valuable time. Best just archive them, and recalibrate back to happy. That makes more sense, to me anyway.
I'm the same way. Trying to figure out what makes some people tick. Thinking too myself how can some of these people function and say the things they say drives me to a point I have to figure out the how's and why's. Info to put in my storage for future use. It's like I have to get to the root of the issue that affects some people.
I became everyone of my friends therapist during the two hard years of Covid. I realized after two years that i was taking on all of their feelings without a way to talk my issues out. I dropped all my friends. When i was having a a mental health crisis, not one of those people had the time to listen . Instantly saw they will use me, but they didn't look at me as the same. I was an emotional dump. I have no friends now. I'm happier now. I'm lonely, yes, but I'm not being used as a dumpster of harsh emotions.
I was told this is called trauma dumping. Their trauma dumping exacerbates other people's traumas. Some people should come with a public trigger warning before their appearances.
I actually embrace my dark side and it works very well with my light side. Once I figured out how to balance out the 2, they both became a huge abundance for my life. Detaching is much easier, not allowing my emotions to dig so deep into people anymore. It took being hurt so many times and removing my energy from everyone who didn’t deserve me in their life
As a Christian we are told that vengeance is for the Lord. It brings me great peace to do all the good I can and pray for help when someone is hurting me repeatedly. God 'always' steps in at the perfect timing, not always my timing, but in hindsight I see His reasonings...I and they had something to learn to grow from. I don't worry about abusers as I used to...I trust God to do His good work to make me a better person if I am part of the problem, and to deal with a true abuser. It's all very good
Remember my infj fellows, just because you act kind to everyone doesn't mean you should ground your dark side. Use it for good purpose. Embrace the dark to reach light
Yes, you are among those who understand , see if you understand my following sentence - we have the vision that means we have to be the leader the superhero and the best way to be that is to spend time in serious self improvement
@@raft115 that is so true! To be best version of ourselves, to be a leader, a superhero we need to work hard. We infjs tend to forget that but practicality is the right mentality y'know
What worked for me is visualizing my darkside as a tool in my toolbelt and less of a force that I have no control over. Its something I carry with me, but I decide when and how it's used.
Yes I am cold, detached, split in two worlds/switching between them, I stop caring for others' opinion and secretive in my dark side. When I handle it well, I can be assertive, active and rest my Fe, otherwise if I handled it wrong, I have some damage control to do...😳
That's insightful. It sounds like my transitions between INFJ-T and INFJ-A, the latter being where I finally landed after the turbulence, skipping along not so merrily on the airport runway of my life.
It's always like that. This world is full of people victim blaming and making excuse for terrible people. Glad you are willing to stand up to them. I am too.
Woe be to the one who manipulates, cheats, or lies to me. Triple this if you are a narcissist. I never lose control and get angry and loud, but stay calm and cool. I keep it all inside and become cold and calculating, and play mind chess with them. I toy with them all the while setting them up to be checkmated. I am always 2 steps ahead and they never see it coming. I am a master of the brutal clapback. Vocally, I deliver it with an emotionless tone of voice and with no expression on my face. Typed in a message or email, I use an incredible amount of intelligent vocabulary and imagination as I intuitively know the exact words to type to cut them to a thousand pieces.
My ex thought he could continue to abuse me in multiple ways, because I allowed it for so long, wanting the marriage to work and be there for the kids. He had no idea that when I finally stood up for myself, and said "No more', and decided to fight his lies in court, that he had unleashed a tiger. I came out of it in pretty good shape financially, although the pain of the abuse has been harder to deal with, because I trusted him so much and gave so much for many years. I refuse to tolerate crap anymore, and no live with peace! GO INFJ's!!
I really struggle with my darkside! When people don't head caution -- I find myself praying for them... that they wise up and decide to stop poking the bear! The ego trippers rarely do. Though now that I have learned my type I'm no longer insulted by behaviors (games)...because it felt like an insult to my intelligence... like they must think I'm stupid when really they don't even have enough insight into themselves that it could be personal... If that makes any sense.
I tend to get very numb when a relationship is really done. I go cold very quickly. The doorslam is epoch. As a writer and a singer ( just a hobby) I can go one extreme or the other. It's ether very hot or very depressing and pain inducing in others. I make a lot if people lustful, but I so make them cry. I did a cover of Whiskey Lullaby that left no eye dry at karaoke. I almost see that as a dark power. It's an odd feeling when so many people want to end everything for just a second, and you can bring them back with sexy words. I feel sort if ashamed. Then, I just need solitude.
Thank you, this video helped me understand some aspects about myself. I can be so cold on the inside it scares me sometimes, but I don’t feel like I am an evil person.. or am I ? 😅 forever in question. ps. the color of your outfit really suits you, brings out your eyes, very beautiful !
I love living out my “dark side”. Maybe it’s because I grew up in an ultra conservative community. But I love dropping info on people that makes them question their entire existence and what they think they know about the world. Watching someone’s face as their mind has been blown. Seeing the doubt when there was such conviction and gasps of shock or an immediate shift in their entire being or perception. I know I have positively changed some people for the better with these things. I have made people better Christians. I have made people more empathetic. I have taught people to be braver and put themselves out their and not be lonely. I’m a shit disturber, a boat rocker, a contrarian, a devil’s advocate sometimes. Sometimes it’s a small gentle mental prod, and sometimes I drop a bomb. I’ve mostly never cared about people liking me or fitting in and am impervious to peer pressure. Sometimes I’m lonely. But I can’t stop myself from being myself and saying the uncomfortable truths and the quiet parts out loud.
I just wanted to remain to the origin of my own, I don't have to deal with anyone if they will not accept me. I will just keep everything inside my own world alone
For rhe longest time I couldn't understand why people were surprised that I had self esteem, I would never beg, but people still fked around and found out. Now I get it.
INTP'S are hard to read and put up walls that are fortified so we are very private too like INFJ'S but with Ti as our dominate function we are far more cold and hard to get to know INFJ'S that I know don't talk about their dark side they are optimistic in their life helping others gives them fulfillment and purpose and I think everyone has a dark side not just INFJ'S.
The only reason they shy away or judge is because they see their own darkside through you and they judge because they don't want to admit the darkness in themselves. So naturally they will judge and point their fingers. They haven't done their shadow work. If they pissed me off enough it's time to leave that relationship or friendship. Welcome to the Darkside.
I am embracing it the last two years and I have never been better according to a normal daily feeling. But in the beggining I was scared and I had to admit to myself that I am acctualy behaving like a baddo and I will go through that feeling of shame. But it is not like that, is just everybody around you want you to think that when you use your dark side, you are bad. It is not true. It is just element of you that allows you to protect your strength. And people hate that. I just cant believe how mean and selfish people are. I didnt want to see it for such a long time.. It is just.. hard to believe 🙂 We are really bad in this particular thing 😅 Always seeing the best no matter what.
Thanks, Wenzes! I can relate to all of these. Especially the secretive part. My last relationship ended because I never told him what I wanted out of the relationship, my deepest thoughts, etc… He felt like he could not trust me and in return closed off as well. It was a hard lesson to learn. Watching your video’s made me realize that I do not have to hide so much and that I need to show who I am with other people ☺️.
Not too long ago I read that Hitler & Osama Bin Laden we're considered I.N.F.J personalities 😮 just served as a reminder and the ability to see the dark as well as the light in us all whatever capacity that may be.😊
They are remnders of how fanatical we can get in our desire to fix what we perceive is wong! I know I have a high zealot quotient myself. Not a nazi tho.
Everyone is capable of being evil, if you get stabbed in the back 1000 times by the people you care about, who's fault is it when you feel angry about that? The only reason I don't seek revenge in an evil way is because I have a bigger purpose, and that would not allow me to fulfill my destiny. They don't realize it would benefit them as well, but I do, so I keep going.
I hear what you're saying about embracing our dark side. After embracing my own, I realized that the dark side doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing - if we use it right. The point about being secretive really stood out for me. I completely transformed my social life in 1996, but I told almost nobody about. It wasn't "bad," but I figured that as my new life grew, information on how I went about doing it was mine and I just didn't need to tell anybody. I figured I'd get one (or a combination) of the following responses: 1. Some would say. "Hey, that's cool." That would be nice to hear, but I found it less complicating not to say anything. 2. Some would say, "Why are you doing that?". Since I'm an adult (considerably over 21 years old) I figured I owed no explanation. 3. Some would probably not give a hoot about what I was doing. No surprise here - most people are more taken up with what they are doing. I can see how each one of these Five Points could be used for the positive as well as for the negative. I found that when I commit myself to listening and treating other people well, I'm usually way ahead.
The ability of a genuine introvert is that they themselves have the capabilities to go to the extreme in the environment they reside in. An alternative altering characteristics. They can be evil for good reasons or they csn be good for good reasons hope it makes sense.. but for the most part. They can control emotions meaning they can block emotions. For the very reason that emotions in psychology is the number one factor for a self destructive life. Creating bad habits.. empathetic with logical rationalize thinking and assertive action. Very good people..
Hi Wenzes. I’ve been following you for a while now. It’s really comforting knowing someone out there deeply understands us and even able to make us understand ourselves better. I’m always looking forward to ur next videos. Keep it up! I have to say that my husband sometimes say i’m cold without me really understanding why. But i come to realise, its just me being truthful or accepting what is reality. Sometimes also i have to force myself to being cold although deep inside its painful for hurting/disappointing others, just to prioritise/protect myself (knowing the other party may see me as selfish), cuz i know, more often than not, i’ve been sacrificing myself in so many ways, and eventually no one will protect me other than me. In many situation, to me its a matter of choice to be warm or cold. But i guess being an INFJ we often choose to be warm to maintain harmony, unless being pushed. Not that we cant be the latter.
Omg... i remember telling my sister i felt i was not a good person.. and that i could feel this evil/coldness inside of me.... this makes sense now!!! My sisters always joke i could be a psycho... lol But now i know its just my personality.
I want to sometimes shut a person completely out of my life... Like they never existed. Like they were a fictional character of a novel which I'm done reading... But I obviously don't do that.
Most of us are not aware of it, mostly after tough times we end up searching our inventory section and there we find our tradition and most cherished and ever noble sword ✨
For me it's DP/DR. That's my detachment, I really understand how to be a chameleon. They really freaked out at work when I came out as transgender. Others already knew, I had a period where I "crossdressed" at work before. My dark side is that I lose control sometimes.
"With great power comes great responsibility" I guess it's like the black suit spiderman or spiderman. We have a choice who we want to be, I choose good. God bless you.
I feel so understood lol I ended up sheding some tears , but thank you so so much. It can be really hard sometimes not understanding why I feel the way I feel and nobody else does .
The TRUE INFJ is an extraordinary creature. I have posted one aspect which none of the commentators have either never mentioned or simply aren't aware of and that is the higher end INFJ's can read a person in a split second. On a phone call or 'live' or even the subjects shadow or footfall will tell an INFJ what's presenting what they are and their intent. This INFJ incredible-beyond-belief-'sensitivity' also extends to their skin. The skin one is a bastard the tinniest of loose hairs even a tiny bit of a plastic label down ones back causes a major calamity like have a hornets nest or sandpaper down ones jersey back. The sensitivity extends to another rare ability and that is their visual ability to see any pain on anyone and feel or take on that pain in an instant, even whilst driving past a sufferer in their car (I keep this gift/curse hidden and suppressed for obvious reasons). The dark one's we have have to be used in conjunction with your total childhood and now adulthood journeys. The 'old life INFJ's' possess the most vital of all things and that is memories, memories that go back to at least to the age of infancy about 18 months of age, before you had formed speech, this was when your sensitive were formed, formed entirely by the sensations around you these are the things your mother exposed you too. My first one at this age was on my back being carried and seeing for the very first time the dark night sky. It still brings the hairs on the back of my neck up. This wonderful fluid moving shiny shifting enveloping dark form filling my entire horizon. my mother told me later she was carrying me to her brothers house in a small milling town in the bush of New Zealand - No street light - just pitch black darkness. I realise now of course I. was sensing, seeing, feeling the sensations of the DEFAULT STATE OF THE UNIVERSE - THE VACUMN - dotted with the tiny tiny dots of planets, solar systems, nebula that existed in the real master of the realm our planet and solar system exit in - the great endless vacuum. Its a wonderful thing to have as a first memory not tainted by BS religious mumbo jumbo, a baby sensing and soaking up the pure sensation of pitch black darkness a thing that moves and swirls. All of a sudden the blackness is interrupted by a warm yellow colour which doesn't dissipate the sensation but adds to the memory by defining it, contrasting it, its the secondary partner to the blackness. The light my mother says must be my uncles mill house, lights blazing through windowless curtains. If you have this memory you can only ever be the 'old' INFJ. and you can do most if not all of the black arts. I dont need to tell you what those are you have been doing them all you life and wouldn't be where you are now unless you did. You can and have done anything in the world you have ever wanted to do and strangely the many enemies you have made along the way are not there anymore - have you noticed?
My Pluto and Sun Conjunction in Libra has helped me balance my dark and light side. I have been able to embrace my dark side with non duality, and meditation. ❤
Most of these points hit home but I am still partially INFP but test results come out as INFJ. I don't consider myself secretive at all but I've been told that I am. I'm not actively hiding anything but when you spend so much time trying to figure people out you forget to mention things that might be a big deal to other people but to you it pales in comparison to what you're hyper focused on atm.
Excellent analysis! BTW- You look absolutely gorgeous! Your eyes are beautiful! There, I said it. Needed to get that out. Couldn't hold it back any longer. Whew! Okay then...Initiating recovery to baseline. Thank you! Stay safe, and be well, Wenzes!
The flip side of having different friends that we show different sides to is, these friends, in many cases wouldn't get along with each. Would in some cases shun each other.
If I were to use my skills to teach people who are not or have not been good to me in an evil way that they have made mistakes, it would destroy my great goal. Thus, I am still in conflict with myself. Some persons owe me an apology. Sometimes a hug would be enough. So long I better keep in distance to some people not to explode.
I have different friend groups that don't know one another and I often wonder if those friends ever met, if they would be uncomfortable around one another. I have art friends who are mostly atheist and then I have religious friends who are mostly Christian and some Bahais and my Christian friends hardly ever go to open mic nights even though I have invited them to hear my comedy. To date, only one Christian friend has gone to an open mic event to hear my antiwar poetry. None of them have heard my comedy and I'm not sure how they would react to that.
Switching up is not a problem but can become one if one of those friends attack the other. I had two very different friends who met at my house and one started to be a real jerk with the other who is homosexual. I told him to respect him or leave my house. He had to leave. That wasn't my fault and I am glad I supported my gay friend. It was too offensive and unfair.
I also realized that whenever I am ashamed of using my dark side, it is because I really should use it in that particular situation. But I am afraid of it becauae it would expose clearly the bad thing about the other person. This behavior is so stupid 🙄 People's not that nice with me, so why I feel guilty? 😆
Hi. How are you and everyone 💜 I keep forgetting to ask this. Let's see if I can word it right🙂. Why is it that I just thought a lot of people think, felt, see etc. things this way?! Or at least somewhat . I'm not full of myself 😂 It just gets kind of lonely at times . 😐
Its not two faced. Its appropriate conve. If someone you know likes the same music as you and thats all you have in common, youre probably not going to constantly talk about how you want to start your own business lol. Youre a bad person either way see.
