How to stop screwing yourself over | Mel Robbins | TEDxSF 

Help i'm stuck on the TED self-help playlist

"You'll never hang out with the person who talks to you like you talk to yourself" hit read hard

Can’t remember who said it but: “The pain of regret is worse than the pain of discipline.” 🙏🏼

Tomorrow is near, yet so far away. Choose this day to love unconditionally, and be happy within

1. You're never going to feel like changing. Stop waiting for a perfect time. 2. You're never going to feel like it 3. You are not fine 4. Waking up earlier is a representation of the physical force required to change 5. You have to do what you don't want to do, so you can be everything you're supposed to be 6. YOU HAVE TO FORCE YOURSELF TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE

'Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever could'...

It is crazy to know that she described this as a 20-minute panic attack on her podcast. She was so confident and could have fooled me.

She felt at home however the audience gets uncomfortable with her actions. I have learnt a thing from it. You don't have to care what others think of your actions as long as you believe in what you are doing. She was truly remarkable.

"when you turned 18, nobody tells you it's your job to parent yourself" god, this hit. It's so true and the change is so sudden, you'll just notice people around you stop caring as they did when you were a child.

"Your problem isn't ideas. Your problem is you don't act on them."

"you wouldn't hang out with ppl who talk to you the way you talk to yourself" Damn that hit. I watched way too many motivational talks and whatsoever but for the first time I feel like this actually changed something inside. I don't wanna feel sorry for myself anymore and I sure as heck don't wanna feel stuck in my own life. Thank you sm for this❤️

"All day long you have ideas that could change your life, could change the world, could change the way you feel. And what do you do with them? Nothing!" She is so right! I needed to hear this. I love this statement now!

she was so comfortable, she was talking to them as a friend. I've never seen a ted talk amazing like this.

Short version: You're never going to feel like changing. Stop waiting for a perfect time.

Summary - -Think about what you want - Be selfish and specific -Don't tell yourself you're 'fine' - you probably convinced yourself that the thing you truly want, you're 'fine' not having it -You're never going to 'feel like it', don't hit snooze on your ideas -It's your job to make yourself do the things you don't want to do, so that you can be everything you're supposed to be -FORCE yourself to change your routine - anything that's a break from your routine is going to require force -Feeling stuck/dissatisfied with your life is a signal that one of your most basic needs aren't being met - the need for & -Get out your head -Get past your feelings -Get your comfort zone -Don't think too much, do something fast before you end up pulling the "emergency brakes" -Act on your ideas or impulse

I'm having a RU-vid TED talk marathon to help my RU-vid addiction. Seems to be a legit way to do it. 💯

"I don't care how you feel. I care about what you want. And if you listen to how you feel when it comes to what you want, you will not get it. Because you will never feel like it."

"You wouldn't hang out with someone who spoke to you the way you speak to yourself" brilliant

My favourite quote. "Self pity solves nothing" Aka feelings sorry for yourself is normal, reflect sure, but start doing something about it.

11 years later, I watched this and went on a walk in a snowy beautful winter day. Thanks for the motivation.

I searched "how to get over depression" and I got here. I took a bowl of spaghetti and sat down to watch it. Half way through the video I'm crying telling myself "I'm not fine" with spaghetti falling out of my mouth.

I need a TEDx video about how to stop watching TEDx videos, seriously i need to sleep

She’s like a mom to me i really needed to hear her words to become a better version of myself i love her

Thank you so much Mel Robbins for this incredible speech, it really was the fulcrum for breaking my procrastination habits. Thank you TED for the event that brought us this speech and for generously sharing it freely to RU-vid. Forever grateful. Don’t know where I’d be without it.

"Treat yourself as if you were someone you are responsible for helping." -JP

Gosh darn it. This video made me wash my hair at 2 in the morning.... I'm disabled so that's hard for me... But... I felt the urge as my hair was mingling a d went for it. My hair is now lovely.

Today I literally woke up. I felt my vital energy. Thank you Mel Robbins.

Thank you so much, Mel! This is exactly what I need to hear right now. Really stuck with my current reality which I don't want to face. Sometimes when we feel stuck, we just need to act. Thanks so much for this 5-second tip!

She’s the kind of person i want to have as a friend when I’m feeling down. So straightforward.

"When you feel stuck or dissatisfied in your life, it's a signal. And it's not a signal that your life is broken. It's a signal that one of your most basic needs are not being met. Your need for exploration."

Seeing someone that is that good at public speaking is impressive. Great advice too. 👍

"you have life changing ideas for a reason and its not to torture yourself" I think every artist / creative person needs to hear this

The problem is, the school system actually destroys this part of the mind for many people. We're taught for years on end, to stop, think, analyze, ruminate... but it turns out we have intuition and gut impulses that can allow us to be spontaneous and confident in what we do... and not always see our failures in the form of an F or 40%. We're taught to work our butts off, then take long breaks. We're taught to follow a routine and do things that don't interest us for hours and hours to make some number. So when it's all done and we're in the real world, many of us simply don't know HOW to go about even framing our mind for this way of thinking. You're lucky if you had great parents, teachers or friends that fostered this part of you, and to people like this, it's easy. It's as simple as just doing it, and they don't understand why people procrastinate or have analysis paralysis. I used to be a very creative and spontaneous child, and by the end of high school I was just another robot. It has taken me years to even realize what happened to me, and now I'm a few years deep into trying to find my natural human side again. I know she has a small amount of time to get across a big topic, but for talks like this to be really effective IMO, they have to share a type of detox method with tangible things to do. Mindfulness meditation is so crucial for many of us. You can't be happy or operate in the "now" if you're constantly future tripping or thinking about your past. Again, the school system gears you to think of the future. Graduation will save you. Post-secondary will save you. Work will save you. Making tons of money will save you. Finding love will save you. Learn to live in the present, and learn to calm your mind so that the natural river of thought can flow without obstructions caused by everyday mundane tasks or negative thoughts. That's how you'll find out what you really want, and what to do to get it. Social media and pornography are killers. Bad diets, lack of exercise, and lack of PLAY are killers. Many people don't even realize how important it is to to PLAY. Play catch, play at a gym, play with friends. When we think of the road to accomplish something major, we think that ALL that time we'll have to be working and it's daunting. Because that's what it was like in school. But in reality, if you learn to work a bit, then play a bit, you can continue on the road to your goals with a freer mind. Anyway, I don't have all the answers, and I'm in the struggle myself. But I just thought I'd share with everyone some of the things I've come to learn. I see a lot of comments saying that it's easier said than done. And really, I agree. Very few speakers are tackling the tangible everyday things that are plaguing the mind needed to even be receptive to these types of speeches.

I have social anxiety but today I'll begin to force myself to overcome it. I want to feel happy and free so I'm starting today, wish me luck!

Well done Mel. I'm inspired. Using this for myself and can think of 4 people to send your book to. Thank you.

I watched this video about 6 years ago but nothing seemed to click. I probably wasn't ready to accept it then. Just got around to reading your book. It is so refreshing to see how much you have included the audience in your book. Its probably the first book that I have read as such. In just one day of having starting to read and not even finishing it I have managed to do things that I have been putting off for years. The only regret is why have I not done this earlier

This is how I get over a break-up. Watching TedTalks. Damn this helps.

I am visiting this video again. The first time I watched it I was depressed in my old job. I felt burnout, super stagnant. I have always wanted to change to a new job, but did not have enough courage to do so because I feared instability. And one day I saw this, and I practiced the 5 second rule. I am today in my new job, with better pay, better environment. GLAD I FOUND THIS TEDTALK.

She is an amazing speaker, I love when she said "I'm counting on you, you got stuff to do!"

-Think about what you want - Be selfish and specific -Don't tell yourself you're 'fine' - you probably convinced yourself that the thing you truly want, you're 'fine' not having it. You're never going to feel like changing. Stop waiting for a perfect time. -You're never going to 'feel like it', don't hit snooze on your ideas. -It's your job to make yourself do the things you don't want to do, so that you can be everything you're supposed to be. -Force yourself to change your routine - anything that's a break from your routine is going to require force. Waking up earlier is a representation of the physical force required to change. -Feeling stuck/dissatisfied with your life is a signal that one of your most basic needs aren't being met - the need for. You have to do what you don't want to do, so you can be everything you're supposed to be. -Get out your head. -Get past your feelings. -Get your comfort zone. You have to force yourself to be uncomfortable. -Don't think too much, do something fast before you end up pulling the "emergency brakes" -Act on your ideas or impulse "When you listen to how you feel about what you want you will not get it because you will never feel like it."

What I gathered from this video: 1. "You are never gonna feel like doing it." So just do it now. 2. When you get the idea to do sth, stop thinking and do it within 5 seconds. 3. You gotta be your own parent. Force yourself to do the things you don't want to do. 4. Don't ever hit the snooze button on your alarm. (I used to do that, but just felt more tired after sleeping 10 minutes longer again and again) So, really. Don't hit the snooze button and just rip away the blanket, swing your feet into your slippers and start your day. 5. Take a walk outside right now. (which btw I did, was planning on it anyway but glad I did it earlier than planned)

Someone once said, "When you're in a deep hole, the first step in getting out of that hole is to stop digging.

What a fantastic speaker I’ve been listening to her last few years and came across this old talk and was fascinated by her stage performance and delivery . Goo Mel Robbins love you!!!

I've watched many ted talks and i just came across this one this morning. Honestly a great way to start the day 🙏

She's so energetic, I went back to bed to rest in behalf of her

That was the longest Nike commercial I've ever seen.

Needed this! I live in my head and stay scared to death of everything. I’ve created so many phobias that when I’m not working, I don’t want to be around people. I literally have panic attacks to go shopping in a big store. It takes all my energy to work in the public every day. I’m very passionate and great at working. I have so many goals, if I could just get out of the habit of pulling emergency brake. She’s so right about everything she said. Very enjoyable and encouraging. We need more people like this!

I'm glad I watched this. It's counterintuitive and the key to making it no matter what.

To everyone who is experiencing a difficult situation: To shoot an arrow you have to pull it backwards. So when life drags you back with some troubles, it means it's going to launch into something better.

"If you feel dissatisfied or stuck in your life, it is a signal that one of your most basic needs are not being met."

Listening to this while at the gym was so empowering

Mel Robbins is so inspirational. Like she have this MYSTERIOUS way of making me want to do things! I listened to her 2 years ago and now I’m here again :)

There is so much wisdom packed into this 21 minute and 39 second speech that I can't handle it...

For the scared public speakers out there, notice how much she stutters, gets her words wrong and says "sorry, I mean" and yet STILL delivers an amazing powerful speech while still seeming reliable, engaging, smart, passionate, funny, etc. It doesn't matter if you mess up!

So inspiring 🎉 Thank you!

I finally watched this video, which was on my list for a long time. One of the best TED Talks I've ever seen. Great stuff!

She just seems like a fun aunt... Idk

I’m 80 , have Alzheimer’s, this lady has just blown my mind with this presentation .Thanks Mel , I love you .

What do you want? GET IT!! Love this still to this day!! Timeless value

To anyone who feels life is pathetic or it sucks.. just know you are doing your best and you are special no matter what the enemy brings to you.. do not allow fear doubt to mess up your life.. you are worth more than you believe or think

5 second rule - when you have an impulse, you must take physical action within 5 seconds, or your mind will hit the emergency brake (stop you from doing it/talk you out of it). So, the next time you have an impulse to do something (something positive of course), count down from 5 to 1 and then do it! Take action.

Comfort is your worst enemy!

I needed this right now. Thanks❤

I have watched many videos on social media and nothing motivated until I find it and this one is so lit. Thanks Mel

So, basically... "DO IT! Just DO IT! Don't let your dreams be dreams!"

Summary " “Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” ---- Toney Robbins

Wow I needed this!!! Actually made me cry when she said to get out of your head, I would never be friends with someone who talked to me the way I talk to myself. Any little wisp if an idea of how I can better me....to stop the cycle I am in (especially the snooze dang button) It's time to do it!

Inspiring, love it! And so true... sometimes, we need to force ourselves, is not going to happen because X reason, is going to happen because I want it and I'm going to push myself every day until I get it, and then, I'm going to keep finding something else, brilliant talk.

If 11 million people were this unsatisfied 9 years ago .... just imagine 2020 😳

This woman was born to public speak, Best TED talk I've seen in a while, I was engaged the entire time!!!

21:40 You know you’re a great public speaker when the audience gets energised just by listening to you.

This ted talk is too much for writers to describe what a masterpiece this video is.

"If you're in your head, you are behind enemy lines." One of the best quotes I've ever heard.

Three words that I learned that changed my life. Persistence overcomes resistance.

Came back to this Ted talk because I am stuck in life. I just bought a house and now live on my own for the first time. It's growth I never knew I would face. Now, I'm trying to study for a certification but I keep putting it off bc of how dreadful it is to study consistently for it for a YEAR because that's how long it could take on average. I am average. This talk helped me realize the motivation and why is the contributing factor to all my growth... I just remembered it thanks to this talk. Thank you.

Amazing approach- I loved every minute of it! I was running miles listening to this and it pushed me to the fourth.

This is the last motivational video I'm watching for the next three months and I'm going to apply every last thing she said and see what happens. And I will be back.................

As one of my favorite high school teachers said, "all the fun happens just outside your comfort zone"

I feel like I have failed at life 😔 The guilt is overwhelming, my parents gave me the perfect opportunity but I have squandered it. I don’t know what else to do but drink and numb my senses to forget the bad choices I have made 😭

Love this my counselor told me to watch this bc I saw a 20 second tic tok on you and people like you were meant to wake us up! 💯percent inspired

Self-sabotage due to confusing emotions is probably by far why most people end up not achieving their full potential !

"I don't care about how you Feel, I care about what you Want!" This quote has just stuck in my mind....

Thanks Mrs. Robbins, I watch this video at 2014 while I was at school, my life has been change since than. The best video ever. THANKS AGAIN, Mrs. Robbins !

This is how a professional presents. She was focused on her audience, a thought I had well before she mentioned that everything she does is for you. Most presenters are so focused on their material or themselves they fail to remember they are presenting to people. Audiences can connect with Mel because she's real, wasn't trying to be the perfect presenter, and spoke in plain language.

Having worked in both mental health and philosophy for a while now, there's a lot with this video that's right, and a few things that make me wonder. -- She's absolutely right that people often do tell themselves they're doing fine when living an unexamined life. Kierkegaard wrote extensively on this; people often do whatever societal messages tell them they ought to do, then reach a point of dread when they start to wonder if they've really lead the life they wanted all this while. It's not true for everyone of course. -- On the other hand, it's important to discern what you have control over, and what you don't. Some of her examples are things a person may genuinely need to find peace with (and thus, just be "fine"). Mother's never going to change? It's not your job to change other people to fit your liking, so for this, you do need to be fine. Your kids might really be harmed by a divorce depending on the situation, so it might actually be best to stay married and sleep in different beds. If you lost your job and can barely pay your bills, it might actually be hard to get another job. Straining and struggling against these things under the impression that if you just struggle hard enough, you can change them, is only going to lead to greater suffering. "Have strength to change the things you can, grace to accept the things you cannot, and wisdom to know the difference." -- Calculating the odds of you being alive sounds inspirational, but there's no causative relationship between odds and the state of being. Odds are calculated after the fact. If I flip a coin, we could talk about the odds of it being 50/50 on heads or tails, or the odds that I would, on this day, be standing there, flipping that particular coin, after all the world events throughout human history have transpired, bringing us to these astronomical numbers that may make us feel like we're almost the center of the universe. We don't then consider that literally every mundane thought and act can also fit those same odds. But if this makes you feel inspired, then go for it. -- What it takes to inspire change, and the science behind why people procrastinate, is more complex than it's being made to sound here. What works for one person might not work for another. It's simply flawed to say "you're never going to feel like it". For some people, sleeping on a decision, or waiting a week, is really all it takes, and then they definitely feel like it (I'm one such person). For others they may need a commitment device, which is a sort of cue that people create for themselves to change or initiate a behavior (like putting a quarter into a jar each time you use profanity). For others, a simple act of initial determination, such as the speaker describes - getting up 30 minutes earlier and waking up immediately one single day - may be enough. Most people will, after that one day, fall back into the same routine, if other changes and commitment devices aren't set up as part of a holistic structural change. -- Building on the above point: "Do you think anyone who needs to go on a diet ever feels like it??"

One of the best Presentations I’ve ever listened to! Thanks Mel! 😃

1. Press this number 9:14 2. Wait 2 seconds 3. Repeat the process

My life has changed from this, goals have been achieved, I'm happier

I have not watched this, but have read most of the comments and keeps coming to read more. and every time I do, I FEEL MORE IMPACTED than they that have.

I've been going back to watch this video every now and then since 2021.

All I see here is hate comments, but I'm sure all those people hating are doing just fine.

Reading comments made me realize where not alone and most of us feel the same in life.

I had no idea how very much I needed to hear this. I'm obscenely grateful.

mel robbins has become my favorite personal development youtuber. Her energy is everything.

I watched this high and it was life changing

Her confidence and presence is admirable. It must have taken a lot of practice to speak this well.

Best Ted talk I've heard. She's so cool, got me stuck from beginning to end

Bro she’s hilarious I loved this. Genuinely learned a lot of hope to put her words into practice. Definitely a captivating speaker

she's absolutely right. I'm going to force myself to wake up immediately tomorrow when my alarm rings.

I think she could be the most natural and talented speaker I've seen so far.