The Balance Between Finding a Morally Good Partner and a Physically Attractive One 

​@GodofDisco you should not have gotten married if you don't love your wife enough to pick only her every day. You are still looking for something better, which is a horrible thing to do to a good woman who loves you.

@@GodofDisco The person who offers to help you cheat and/or will offer to cheat on their partner is not a person worth your time.

I wouldn’t say write someone off cause they’re attractive but I see a lot of ppl staying in terrible relationships just cause their partner is attractive or they have kids together. Finding someone you’re attracted to is important but also have standards and like you said, find someone with those qualities you seek. I hope you find peace.

​@@katrinaisalwayscorrectyou are right people who are married or are dating shouldn't look for better option because there is always one if things are good you should appreciate it

So she betrayed you. It's a rhetorical question and i'm sorry you had to go through that.

I struggle with that, at times. 🙃 Re-framing towards primarily praising & rewarding the positives, and do less of noticing & punishing the negatives, is a huge challenge to do consistently (for me)... 🙃🤔

humans respond better to those who bring them down compared to the opposite. People develop superiority complexes if you are too nice to them, which is why being sociopathic, sly and psychopathic are effective human strategies.

@@21Kikoshi they're not effective strategies in the long-run. Perhaps if one's perspective is revolving around short-term achievements and constant manipulation, one can succeed using the dark triad traits, but it's not a great strategy for long-term success.

he didn't answer the question though- he twisted it into a different meaning

@@HowDidIGet3700Subs it's true, but to some extent the question was flawed from the beginning and was based on the idea that there is a right balance to strike between a hot and a good wife - which I don't think is the point. I don't think the two are necessarily correlated so more important than striking a good balance between the two is probably learning to keep the "Hot" component (which is also an extremely personal concept) going. Or at least that's what I get out of it.

When you know, you know. Shine your light on her my friend

Well? Then what happened? (scoots chair forward)

its very different for men in 20s than in 30s or more...the first law of attraction is how the woman looks like for us. The right soul and attractive should go hand in hand, you can't ignore looks just as you can't ignore personality

You just described how women usually fall in love. The fact that you still found her attractive after getting to know her just means that you actually do find her physically attractive in some way. You would've otherwise friendzoned her no matter how beautiful her soul is.

how pretty was she though...

Me too!😊

i think you would be shocked that their initial interaction when they first met.

it gave me happiness too for the first 15, only now going into divorce after 20. I can't emphasize enough how marriage is the number one cause of divorce ..initiated by women by a huge margin FYI.

@@mobilemcsmarty1466 Sorry to hear. I wish you peace and healing 🙏

@@mobilemcsmarty1466 yes because women change over time physically and mentally, men stay the same. Marriage is a temporary glue to keep people long enough in order for them to have kids which is stronger glue.

thank you.....seriously, thank you for this message.

🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🌷🌺🌸💐🌞 thank you for saying this! I wish all men thought this way and cared about their women so much.

Wow that was beautiful

You are totally right! If the man in your life makes you feel safe, calm and appreciated, a woman automatically gets relaxed and therefore brighter, more positive and happier. As described already she begins to flourish and wants to become a better person for the man who is giving her so much strenght and love.

That's beautiful and encouraging!

Exactly. This is why it’s important to find your partner attractive even if it’s not the conventional and also to be their “type”. Looks gets your foot in the door but having those good partner qualities is super important. It’s sad when people choose lust over love and duty to their partner. Never choose someone who only has looks to offer and nothing else.

Nowadays the word is THEY (women) choose you. You don't choose them.

@@LegoGirl1990 of course you're right about that. Seems to me they also divorce each other. . . from time to time.

Need more than attraction because a woman in her 40's once be as attractive as you found her in your 20's... Very important to be beyond looks.

@LegoGirl1990 Thanks for that! Holy cow - what woman would want to go through life with a guy who’d already decided in the first week that he had no right to shape the conversation??? And what guy would devote a minute of his time to a woman that he’s already decided has some immovable need to control the outcome of everything? Ugh.

Congratulations brother

I am on that side to ❤

Let me know how it goes in 10 years

Yeah, I feel like this is a total non-issue lol. You should be in love with your partner, simple as. You find them attractive and they're a good person. These are not at all mutually exclusive.

@@CBReptiles1 Remind me!

If you really are that mesmerised by her physical appearance then you're extremely fortunate. It's not really a case of having one trait or another, it's the (seemingly) impossible task of finding a partner with both

Amazing.

Now that's well said. If her actions are beautiful then she is not

I can't disagree with this, and I'm not even religious 🕊

@@mobilemcsmarty1466 lol well that's fine. If we fallow and believe His precepts... My friend, we are His.

​@@hamdoolam Even if we don't believe he was divine ? I agree that Jesus said good stuff and some pretty bad stuff too. I also agree a lot with Steven Pinker, does that make me his ? Just sounds silly to me...

Thanks for sharing, only corroborates my inner convictions as well that you virtually spoke word for word.

Thank you; I concur with these words

Fascinating. Even though you found a genuinely good man, there was no genuine desire to sustain your attraction on your end. At least you set him free.

Interesting experience. However, it's not clear why you wanted this person to be the father of your children... but not physically attracted to him. Whereas the idea of him being the father of you children denotes a sexual attraction. I have heard people who are attracted to others spiritually and were quite clear about not crossing the line...because sincerely there was no physical attraction. Not all love demands and leads necessarily to relationship and/or marriage.

You can't force seggsually attraction to happen. Often heteroseggsual people understand this better in the following scenario. Say two women or two men, all hetero, are buddies, comrades in the true meaning, companions. Very good friends, which is wonderful. Can they have seggs with each other, oral, penetration, massage, French kissing, making out and more and genuinely enjoy it? Would that change if they marry? The obvious answer is no. So if the person is not your seggsual type, but you're not both aseggsual, stay on the friend level. This can even be in a monogamous marriage, if both people agree up front on having a seggsless marriage. But if you don't want a seggs less marriage, choose someone you like. Then keep the attraction going even as bodies change with age. Which is a learnable skill. But you need a baseline physical attraction.

Yeah, what makes someone attractive for me isn't the same for my friends. I just have to be lucky (or blessed) enough to find someone that attracts me and is also morally good.

Well spoken, and very important comment, the which I agree with very much.

Couldn't agree more. Committing this paragraph to memory for the next time I'm accused of being shallow

You never found men more handsome than your husband? That even for a little bit made you think about doing sex with them?

Agree, it's not mutually exclusive and you should strive for both. If not, morally good would probably be best long-term.

What do you mean it becomes less intimate?

​@@thrilla72 Sex is PHYSICAL intimacy. But EMOTIONAL intimacy takes time to develop. Sex occurring early often hijacks the development of emotional intimacy.

@@toomuchinformation say that first sentence again please?

​@thrilla72 They meant that it stumps the development of attractiveness, just didn't come up with perfect sentence to describe the idea at the time.

@@kresovk5 Sex stumps the development of attractiveness?

As he tears down Andrew Tate, buying the propaganda, would be the same as if Tate bought all the leftist propaganda against Jordan Peterson. Used to have so much respect for Peterson, but he is just a hypocrite.

What if you DO have them? What if you do check all the attractive boxes that you want in a partner?

Then keep looking and you will find

@@cosmingurau I know two men in my life who are good looking, military men who could get anyone. Yet, their wives are slightly above average with the best, coolest personalities. Go for personality and you'll never be bored.

​@@Mint-kj9kwIf you got the looks and personality, go for all that you got too and more. Why settle for less?

There was an old song that said, if you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife.

@@georgewagner7787 if pretty means supermodel attractive then I agree. it cannot be good if 95% of dudes want to bang your wife.

I was always a beautiful girl and now a beautiful women with Morales values also a Christian I find that beauty is a curse men have never loved me just wanted to use me an have sex then off they go. I am also a people pleaser no luck there either I give up now 64 and still radiate in physical appearance and men sill look at me like I'm a meal it's been a disappointing existence and lonely beautiful is a curse 😢

@@georgewagner7787 yup! Heard it in The Boys it’s such a funny song

@@sharibriggs6997 sending you love

Sorry that happened to you

yea love is a crazy drug, hope you're doing better

Is it you or him? I think its stupid woman as you are lol that missed the "toxic side" of him. Hahahaha how could you not see that? Hes a selfish jerk ? Sure and so are many women who dont feel sorry for men enough more than men feel sorry for women. Isnt the problem within you though? You chose a bad boy. And it's not you like tried helping him because he had something important in his past to fix if he divorced after marriying.

I totally understand. My ex husband never had relationships longer than 6 months and he was with me for 2 years before we got married. He said I was the most beautiful and perfect person for him. The day we signed the papers, he asked to divorce me the same night! He said I was “too good to be true” and he wanted to leave me before I left him…imagine how devastated I was! I insisted we work things out and the first year of our marriage was a disaster- he just called me ugly and fat and dumb woman every day and he completely crushed my self esteem. At last he still insisted to divorce and it took me 8 years to heal ….last year I dated this new Latino guy who made me feel so loved and confident as he praised me every day…. And only after 1.5 years did I find out he did that to every woman to hunt for sugar mammies! I feel completely betrayed and heartbroken and now I think back my last relationship made me ignore all the red flags of this current relationship as I just wanted to be loved again and I chose to believe when there were suspicions. Don’t pour money out in a relationship thinking you are selfless and willing to share - this is not generosity. Jordan opened my ears and eyes and I hope the men I’ll encounter in the future will have access to this wisdom too. Bless everybody here and may you all be in love with yourself and with someone who appreciates you and the importance of morals.

Whoa. Not okay.

Amen . Blessings .

1. Identify what is ACTUALLY important to YOU and not what appeases your ego makes you feel better than others

@@MylesKillis how do you discern from the two?

​@@johnd9719if you start making comparisons to others then that is likely an ego thing.

@@johnd9719 imagine you two are on an island together. Would you be happy with them there or are you more worried about what others are gonna think when you two get rescued?

@@MylesKillis Yeah but relationships don't happen on deserted islands, with only the two of you, but in a social context.

why is physical attractiveness important at all? Many ppl have forgotten its purpose.

I am the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Yes, I age like Ralph Macchio. You should see me so you can bow. Might even make ya spit out your chow!

In all seriousness, I think a mix is ideal. You want a partner you are attracted to, but not at the expense of personality and principles (moral or otherwise).

@@wet-read attraction is like sex they are both gimmicks for a higher purpose

People know your looks change but their is no reason not to stay healthy, fit and within the 10% of the weight you married at.

Good on you bro!

I would like to know when where why and how this would’ve worked for you two.

Happy for u

@@lydie6702 about 22 years ago, Massachusetts, pure luck.

Awesome keep looking after your girl

Crazy idea: How about thoroughly vetting a person, before "bedding" them??? Logic: If most people could be bothered to thoroughly vet their partner for traits matter; with the intent on optimizing the chances of long-term relationships... 'then', they wouldn't been to de-value or overvalue their partner later in the future. I swear, there are too many humans who are narcissitic and disappointing (especially those who obsess over "love"/'SEX', "romantic" relationships, hyper-socializing/ promiscuousity [synonymous], etc. Case in point, too many ENXP, and 'low-functioning' ENFJ are like this, often sporting the willful 2W3 [emotional-hedonist; emotionally-volatile] enneagram and wing. "Sensor-feelers" are always the 'worst'; to an equal extent as narcissits [in all its rabid-forms] and ENTP[closet-sociopath]). _______________ As always, XNTJ are the universal exception [💙✨] (even with cluster-b); "electrically-induced genetic-engineering" is their "spirit friend", and omni-tool technology (reverse aging/telo-mere, cluster-B 'cure', cancer-cure, and adaptive, genetic omnipotence; body and mind). XNTJ are gold; precious sentience and among humanity's most consistent best and brightest (they are invaluable components to a society and country... History, the present, as well as the future will continue to attest to this Metaphysical reality, their prominence to humanity, their potential and legacy. INTP and INFJ-males come close; MVP-enneagram: 1, 2w1, 5, and 8. Weak-enneagram ["feelers"]: 4, 2w3, and 9).

This is so true. We have the choice of up-valuing our partners.

Passion does not die down, you must keep dating eachother and planning sex time to keep the relationship going

Sadly, he is a grifter and a populist. He pretends to be a tough guy but in reality just another simp who has traditional wife, who has dysfunctional attention-seeking daughter, and who is on dangerous prescription drugs. In other words he is a total mess. And a bullshitter

He is an honest male.

Intellectual? BAD BOY?!?

@@leaf842cope

loll this comment is so funny

Yes!!!!

Good point!

There's no way one can get best of both worlds..... In my experience, when I get smitten by someone, she turns out to be an ABSOLUTE Betch! Like her overall demeanour is so trash it's unbelievable. They are so in their heads. Meanwhile the average ones I see have the most feminine, understanding, peaceful aura.

true, so true

You’re right

Yeah that's very unrealistic.

@@pocnit Talk for yourself. From my experience, a beautiful/hot woman with the "wrong" character will leave me cold...

@@leonora1472 It's not so much that a beautiful woman with the "wrong" character won't leave you cold, it's more that an ugly woman with the "right" character won't make you warm either.

@pocnit Without talking about extremes, I've dealt with both situations you describe, especially the hot woman with the "wrong" character, and I'm not keen in repeating. This said, you didn't read attentively my first comment: if you find a person physically repulsive, there's little chance her/his wonderful character makes a real difference...

lol

Makes me remember when a friend recommended HIMYM to me just so I could get ideas on how to get a woman. 😅

yes you are right. I was expecting him to answer the question rather going into the other topic, but I liked it anyways 😂

I think he answered the questions with "wrong", as in the question itself is wrong. The topics he goes into instead of answering it are all pitfalls that you might fall into if your thinking about how pretty the other person is. Basically, instead of answering the question, he answered the motivation to the question. And that answer eliminated the need to ask the question.

It's because the question asked wasn't worth answering. JP answered the question that the audience member should have asked. If you don't understand why it's the more important question to answer, you will in 20-40 years.

He did not answer the question.

Bro said ‘our’ 💀😮‍💨 Jk no hate praise Christ

My girlfriend of 7 years has become more attractive to me the more i get to know her. ❤

Well, that’s cringe.

@@Polimuni Wabi Sabi ✝️🙏🏻

Serving the mythical beings in your socially endorsed mythology doesn't make you morally righteous. There have been countless religions in human history, yet somehow your religion is the absolute right one.

Im sorry that happened too you, and this may be odd as a questipn but Im curiose, so if your comfortable with answering, Id like too ask would you say that your marriage choice was the worst decision of your life?

@@genericascanbe3728 No. The worst choice was how i handled the infidelity. The marriage gave me children that i adore. I stayed in the marriage for my young daughters. I wasn't going to share my children with a poor choice of a new boyfriend/husband of my wife's Choosing. Her judgment in men other than myself was concerning. It's a long-complicated story but she has her mind right.

@@PJHEATERMAN Well, Im glad things are better for you and your kids now. Thank you for answering my question.

What were the red flags?

"gave her body to another man on a whim" sounds pretty gross. Gee I wonder if your religious.

I've asked this too I had a very very good looking woman offer me an affair and said she'd marry me too, I turned her down on both fronts. I chose the morally good wife so I have to live up to that standard too, she's pretty as well but someone even hotter/younger came along. I imagine that always happens and so if you marry for looks you're just gonna be constantly trading in for new models so I think it's both morally better for everyone and better for your soul in the long run to choose the morally good wife from the jump so you can stay with the same person forever, if you're built on a deeper foundation (and I know God too which helped) then that's gonna pay off dividends in terms of staying faithful too.

Spend your life with somebody who inspires you to be a better person, understands the value of teamwork and has a good smile. If she happens to be smoking hot, congratulations bro 🤜🤛

If a beautiful woman takes care of herself, and if you take care of her too, she will be beautiful throughout her 60s and possibly further on. That's a huge chunk of life spent with a beautiful woman. In contrast, if you marry a homely woman, you don't spend a single day with a woman you find objectively attractive. I have no idea why anyone would decide on the latter.

Yes in theory a morally good partner etc. BUT . . . No matter how good to start with, the human heart is PREDATORY. If an opportunity comes along that seems worth the risk a so called " Morally Good " person may give in to temptation like any other soul would. The bible says to avoid ALL OF THAT . . . seek not a wife.

@@piehound Incorrect. Scripture teaches that if you walk by the spirit you will not gratify the desires of the flesh, there are many of us real Christians who have encountered such temptations & resisted.

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

Her name is *Victoria Lee hess*, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

​@@DavidVelasquez9read "the rational male"

Purity is a hell of a lot better than the opposite whore hedonism culture

I would pick the so called 'toxic' purity culture of your generation over the toxic degenerate culture of our generation any day. I believe any man looking for a virtuous wife in our day holds the same sentiments. It is tough. And yes, men should marry a woman for virtue above all else. I would dare assert modern day men offer women more than ever before in regards to what they find desirable in a long term mate whereas modern women offer men less than ever before in regards to the traits we find desirable in a long term mate. Virtue and the wisdom of it being first and foremost.

it’s easier to fix that than the rampant degeneracy that is allowed these days

​@@meat.As an arab woman that's not always the case dear you didn't live in purity culture to get what this person is implying at, I still follow alot of parts of purity culture but I cannot deny that there are certain things you have to reprogram or you will be screwed if u took them with you

I developed touch phobia from purity culture. Luckily I had an ex boyfriend who was very very patient with me. There are books on the subject that I've read this past year that can help. I never had any money for even doctors appointments for sickness let alone therapy. (Married another man -both virgos from our same religion)

…not to mention: a good person is going to be more likely to motivated to work on their physical attraction (and “hot”ness to you) vs. a hot person to work on becoming good (in fact, the opposite will probably more likely for really hot people). That wasn’t part of his answer, but very germane. (I do like that he focused more on YOU though, because I think he’s right, that will tend to be the #1 determinant.)

Being moral is like the foundation of a house and pretty is all on the surface. Big bad storms come in a relationship and the house collapses so all that pretty exterior didn't matter in the end! Its alot easier to renovate the exterior than it is to swap out the foundation lol

There's definitely some significant implications to by what margin they pass this test. A good example on the higher end of the spectrum is when a guy (in this case) gets suddenly very insecure because of the impression that his girl is "out of his league" a trait that was of course within him already but lay dormant under most circumstances

Very well said. I'm gonna use that

If you are not attractive yourself, finding someone as such will be almost impossible. Men generally date down the hierarchy for the perceived security.

@@Bucephalus84 I agree with nearly everything you said, up to that final explanation of "why." At the fundamental level, that isn't why men "date down." First, it isn't very often a conscious thing, and it isn't the men that are the catalyst for the phenomenon. It is women would aren't content unless they have satisfied their "hypergamous doubt." Men, on the other hand, would be plenty satisfied dating up, across, or down...but there is an intuition that there isn't the right balance unless they date down because this typically allows for the greatest likelihood that BOTH partners are satisfied. Men don't date down for the purpose of security; they date down (most often) because that is the dynamic that yields the best sense of reciprocity and mutual respect. (And in fairness to your comment, reciprocity and mutual respect certainly are relevant with regard to security.) But they do this organically, without calculating any insecurity based risks. Or to oversimplify this: Men date down, but they don't TRY to date down. Women date up, and they absolutely TRY to date up. One of those groups creates the phenomenon, and one of those groups responds to the phenomenon.

@@colasfalon6470 You're not disagreeing with him, rather you're explaining what he is referring to by "perceived security".

I think the answer is you can have both if you encourage her to be attractive and work on yourself to be attractive.

@@EtoGmajor Many women do not care if their husband is attracted to them. They do not value their romantic part of marriage. Funny enough these are the same women that complain about their men not being "romantic" and at the same time they don't care to turn their man on. There is no point in mentioning anything to a woman like that after hearing it a few times. My wife told me multiple times: "why would women do anything for men?" when talking about appearance. She meant that women do need to do anything to make their men attracted to them. Needless to say, I enjoy spending time by myself recently.

lol

I can totally relate to this. I have been in several relationships where the guy I was dating would put me down and try to make me feel lesser so that I wouldn’t stray. It’s horrible when the person who is supposed to love you the most is the one constantly trying to put you down.

As a Christian I love that you brought up Proverbs and it really is true!

@@Brian6587 Yeah people forget about this book, even Christians!

😮😮😮😮😮lp

Thanks

Best comment here. The question was too binary, but reflective of a left brain dominated culture.

Morals can change looks cant

@@petarpejic1468 Most people are immoral and will not be saved. Attractiveness only matters to carnally minded people, who will never be saved. In eternity, everyone will be attractive, genders will disappear, and humans will no longer marry.

Well said lol

@@petarpejic1468 Looks are guaranteed to change; morals aren't.

How much is 'more'?

Probably “dick”

I think he said "penis"

Self-improvement is a dumb modern term used instead of Stoicism, which is the philosophical foundation of Western society.

@@matteobertotti stoicism is actually an ancient Greek form of philosophy. And you are rounding up what I have to say into something that sounds like you're regurgitating. If you move around trying to be a smart-ass or correct, and you actually look at the point of what I'm saying, then you'd understand. But truthfully, right now it kind of seems like you're one of those people who hears something they think sounds smart and just repeats it even though you don't really know how to apply it. Just saying. Cause again, you seem to completely close yourself off from the conversation actually a hand.

@@matteobertotti Truth right here brother. Current world gov, Rome, Greece, Babylon, Assyria, Sumerian, it's all the same. Same principles bring same results. World doesn't change, there's nothing new under the sun.

​@@supermegaawesomeultragal7820 you're onto something!

@@supermegaawesomeultragal7820 I actually read a lot of Stoics authors, who are not only Greeks but also Romans and you could also include the early Christian scholars, St. Augustine etc... Nobody is here trying to sound like a smartass but you BRUH, no need to get salty. In fact you're displaying basically the opposite attitude than that of a Stoic. Hope things will get better for you, good luck.