The Care and Feeding of Humans Book 1 - New Science Fiction Audiobook 

It is kinda a universal truth.

The other good one is "hey y'all, watch this!"

Also, "Welp...f*** it."

Agreed😂

Or, “Oops”, “Oh shiiiit…..”

"I call shotgun." "Dibs" "Bagsy's" "I got here first" "Look at what followed me home" - Humans

Dibs

Like a magic spell, you have to say the right words!

i got a buddy whos sister did this with a skunk.. it was a young one who apparently got separated from mom somehow, not nursing but, not really ready to be alone, mom freaked out seeing a skunk, dad told her to take it to the barn and put it in the ferret stall, it didnt spray anybody, infact... it became so human and human-pet friendly they didnt have to have it deglaned... the vet helped her get a permit to keep it as a pet testifying it was too young to survive alone, it should have spent another year learning from mom or something... since we didnt find any bodies in the area around, we figure perhaps something chased them and one got lost.. when it saw his sister, it came running to her...she fed it part of her sandwitch, realized it was skunk but that it was also really friendly..she thought it might be somebodies pet with how friendly it was being... (it crawled up in her lap as she sat on the log and curled up in a ball...) that thing loved me, and was a great guard-skunk... they had some signs made up "property secured by polecat security" a few people learned the hard way, that wasnt a joke... one was trying to steel eggs or chickens from the coop, the skunk went out the dog/cat flap making quite alot of noise causing my buddies mom to get up and look outside in time to see their skunk run over, and spray both of them then... his at them as they exited the area... she called the cops and... well the local ER had 2 guys who had been sprayed less then an hour later... both couldnt stop vomiting from the stench.. LOL..

How Adorable

I’m ngl I had the same thought first time I read the thumbnail and thought “TDLR: dont give them too many gas station libido pills and the bigger the room for the orgies the better” Am I weird for thinking that then scrolling or am I weird for coming back and still being mad that isn’t the topic despite re reading the title”

Yrah I haven't yet found one of these Alien Writing Promps where there isn't some human Captain Kirking their way threw the galaxy. Or we find an alien doing the Kirking. You have nothing to fear, the only thing we are interested in dear aliens is trying to procreate without out the actual creation bit.

​@@Sovereignty3eh, the creation bit is personal preference. Some don't want it, but some do. It's advised xenos take birth control medications just in case until they have come to an understanding with their relevant captain kirk...

I think the closest thing we have atm is the Wikipedia page about Humans.

We would also have to have it supplemented with human commentary post-writing, in an attempt to provide context for certain things, even if it'd make some of the weirder parts even worse.

The fantasy humans like the ki using martial human could eat rocks or everything really. muren or sword rider immorals. Or the legendary hero a mutation or evolution of normal humans.

Much better then "To serve man"

Sorry I'm not a nephologist, and cloud terms sound too complicated for my mind

It's possible the stormclouds consist of vast amounts of positive ions, and with the shield being a electron barrier, it would act as a perfect starter for lightning leads. But it doesn't have to be positive at all for lightning to form, just that one pole has to be significantly less negative than the other.

Positive lighting isn’t only possible, it makes up about 5% of all lightning strikes and tend to be more energetic than regular lighting.

96 stoopids here it is FICTION !!!!!!!!!!

The clouds are alive

I’ve also heard that cats have passive mind control(some pheromone) over rodents and around 50% of people are susceptible to it. If this isn’t just internet bullshit I’m like 80% sure I’m under cat mind control bc I can never be mad at the mfs no matter how much chaos they sow

Domestic cats also only meow/vocalise to people, and sometimes other domestic pets like dogs and chickens, but not to other cats.

bla-bla-bla-bla-bla

@@DJSockmonkeyMusic Basically, cats use literall baby speak on us

Also.. they're purring helps heal bones breaks I hear, ive heard about doctors suggesting it really works! I have 14 of them at the moment, and my bones are perfect! I've actually never broken a bone before, though, lol.

It was a good time listening while driving from Joliet to Springfield.

I like listening and saying "End of... Chapter" I always say jt out loud lmao

@@vakahemaloto-ali1418 I heard a guy wearing earbuds say that at the cigar lounge a few weeks ago.

Very scary even for me

Meh. SHtuff Happens ;) ye, i found it disruptive once in a great while, but I got over it. Of course, im not reading along anymore soo... but ~eh :) Everything has a few flaws, it gives it 'recognizable character' :)

Nobody is perfect. I don't critique I just enjoy.

It feels like they took the extreme upper limits of what humans can do and made that the baseline treatment for all humans. Extreme food deprivation and forced physical labor/combat. The kind of situation that can cause PTSD symptoms like food hording.

Its a miracle humanity didnt "take it personally" and reduced them to a footnote in history books... as we tend to do in the Humans are Space Orcs stories.

@@MyrdinAnnoth Bold of You to assume that we didn't "send them a message" by blowing up a couple of their planets. Or, even worse - Space Lawyers. Which, now after remembering that the Glint are literally banned from hiring Humans - is the most likely scenario.

There is a part two so maybe in that we will find out what the Glint did. Really enjoyed this book.

You should try "humans don't make good pets, and Sexy Space Babes (I know hoe that 2nd one sounds, but it's actually really good. It's about a human who gets drafted into the galactic marine corps

@Jessica Hay I did! Both of them! Loved them both. I think I've listened to most of the bigger stories at this point. Why humans don't like war, the care and feeding of deathworlders, and more I can't remember. It's my absolute favorite genre of books! I know it's not technically a genre all its own, but it SHOULD be. It's just such a clever, and new idea, it deserves more attention, and I hope there are still people writing them. It's so refreshing. I didn't even realize I had gotten to the point I was bored with all the same old space junk until I stumbled across deathworlders. The guy that created it is pretty damn amazing!

@Jessica Hay also, thank you very much for the suggestions. I appreciate that you took the time!

I found out about it in July 2023, when Bacon Reader stopped working, I stopped going on Reddit and my video suggestions started coming up with heaps of Reddit content that I didn't know about when I did use Reddit. I am not downloading their shitty app, and their website sucks on mobile, and I've heard you can patch some of the old apps so they still work, but I couldn't find a safe looking akp site...anyway, this stuff is really fun. Edit I didn't search for Reddit stuff, but I did rant a LOT about the end of Reddit and my whole house is spying on everything I say and do in exchange for a nice phone and smart tv dongle.

Should look up "Nature of Predators" still on 😢 going both in Writing and Narration. It even has Fan fiction!

We use breathing for rapid thermoregulation of our inner core and circulatory system, but sweating is our primary method of sustained cooling. Basically, breathing is great for venting a lot of heat in a short time, but requires a degree hyperventilation and lower ambient temperatures to work well, while sweating is good if you want to lose a fairly consistent amount of heat over a long time and don't want to screw up the oxygen-carbon balance in your blood and muscles. It's also mostly passive, requiring very little energy compared to panting, making it harder to starve yourself with it (though you still do need oils, water, etc). Combined with having the shortest hair of any heavily perspiring animals (followed by horses and then apes), allowing us a high evaporation surface without much water or heat retention, we're really fucking good at maintaining a steady pace for ages and ages without much rest or food, just needing water. It also helps that running increases the efficiency of sweating but forces specific breathing patterns, making it so that when running a reliance on breath cooling is way less efficient than sweating even for rapid cooling (gets even worse in really hot dry environments where it dries out your lungs and might even warm them up, while sweating just requires more water to maintain). TL;DR we use breathing to reduce temperature in bursts, but sweating for constant, passive reduction in temperature that is more compatible with aerobic exercises like marathons.

Sounds like, to start with, didn't feed their humans often enough. 'Humans can survive for 3 weeks without food...'

@@NemoConsequentae It sounds like they just ran humans as hard as they could, testing their limits, and probably ended up killing them. Possibly using humans as slaves without officially calling them that, and told humans that was how the galaxy worked. Then as the wider galaxy learned about it, they were horrified.

@@amandagoldsbury8122 Based on info from Part 2 story, Glint were drug pushers, using Humans for involuntary adrenaline farming as a start.

@@NemoConsequentae Oh, so they like to farm adrenaline do they? *Balkan chuckle* You know what makes for an excellent stimulant for adrenaline production? Being airdropped on Space Australia, a category 15 Deathworld. They can farm themselves, indefinetly, there.

They only use irrational numbers. The next version is 1.618

I knew i recognized it! 🥧✌️😎

That's a sheep mentality, to be guided by other sheep. He'll no!, Humanity carves its own path no matter how bad it is, eventually it corrects its self.

@@sammasic5849 I hope you have a good day ^^

That’s when you smack them back

Ikr. Also there is literally northing as infuriating as people talking in that belittling fake calm voice when you're truly pissed off. It's like a surefire way to piss me off even more. XD

The only way you're able to safety tell a human to calm down is if you're its father, mother, grandparent, sergeant, or able to establish dominance swiftly and without question. Even then results may vary.

@@benjamintherogue2421 yeah... Most humans Don't do well with dominance. A human will only listen to you and calm down if they have genuine love or respect for you. It doesn't really matter what rank you hold over them, if you haven't earned the person's respect, the chances are, they will take being told to calm down as a direct insult, and you WILL regret your choice of words. XD

EVEN IF A PHYSICAL ATTACK IS UNLIKELY, A VERBAL ATTACK CAN BE EXPECTED, STARTING WITH A "HOW DARE YOU"

ahem. that was a quote from 'the book'. and the book was not written by a human. so, your expression of indignation is misplaced.

You're getting mad at fictitious aliens

@@daviddavids2884 Yes... that was exactly what OP was talking about, how the Xeno Author wasn't competent in his research. And then proceeded to give further information for anyone that was interested

@@JustVisiting_ There is literally nothing in OP's comment that could be classified as "mad", in fact, there was mostly informative and useful information

Sooo.. what *IS* the original quote? (& b4 I get 'Trolled') Sure, i could spend a bunch of 'rabbit-hole' time looking it up on this Confoundry of the Dark-Age of Information 'Net. but who knows if I find the 'proper' quote ur refering to. Best just to list it in your Msg?

@@glytchd The original quote is "blood is thicker than water", or technically "Blut ist dicker als Wasser" is the oldest version of the thing, but its in german. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_is_thicker_than_water

But, in the context of the story, it works a lot better. Also, it sounds like a translation from an old bible or other religious text.

@@darrylhilbig6459 I fully admit, aestheticly and morally, i think the novel version is better. It just isn't correct to say its the original version.

@@glytchd that guys wrong it is the original. Second wiki can be change by anyone.

...it seems like it goes down to 144p to me, is that a change or is it broken for you?

REALLY wish this was still 2003 when i could simply download an MP3 version @ 96kps Lame-encode of an audio book. which burns less than 0.7MiB per Minuet and sounds WONDERFUL. hell even a 64kps was better than '240p' if ya fiddled with ur encoder settings. *sigh*

sorry, there is NO request in your comment

@@glytchd MP3, the good old days. Hmm... maybe if I use a Nokia Brick?

Nope that would be 8.5397...

The story never specifically states what happened, but the follow-up story "All About the Limniads" hints at it a little more. It was definitely a bit more than just an inter-species mis-communication.

a pleasure

Your human will be doing nothing but dejectedly worrying about the abandoned “kitten” or “pupper” while also breaking packbond with the authority that denied that pet. It’s the quickest way to completely “fuck things up” for the whole team.

@@HumanisticJones Alternatively, the Humans will abandon the mission and go back for the adorable little ball of fluff

I still don't get it

@@brokenlord3218 "Put it on my tab" is a fuck-up of the original joke. The original punch-line is "Bill me." because of ducks having bills.

​@@brokenlord3218the duck should say as he walks out of the bar, put it on my bill. This is the same as putting it on his tab ( the bar keeps track of the alcohol charges to be paid later), but a birds mouth is called a bill. It is a a very very old joke and Nerif messed it up badly, that was what was funny.

It was fowl