Thank you, Debbie. I really needed to hear your calming voice today. I’m finally divorcing my husband after 31 years of abuse, and we have a settlement conference scheduled for tomorrow morning. I am unbelievably stressed and scared right now. I honestly think it’s going to be a HUGE waste of time and money, though. My husband doesn’t want to have to pay any alimony even though I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 26 years, and my husband makes a lot of money. He’s also been hiding assets for many years. Fortunately, I waited until my youngest son was off to college before I left, so at least there won’t be a custody battle, thank goodness! I also wanted to let you know that “The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist” has been a true lifesaver for me! I swear it sounds like you somehow know my husband personally! Your book describes him perfectly, and you’ve validated my experience at a time when very few other people can. So, thank you, Debbie, from the bottom of my heart! 💗
Oh sweet Pixie. I have been there and I know exactly the road you're walking. I know that fear, that stress, that anxiety, that disbelief. Yes, that's so good you don't have to deal with child support. That helps. Do you have a good attorney? I hope so. If you'd like, feel free to set up a coaching session with me. I can help you through this. I have a lot of advice to give on this subject as well as giving you needed emotional support. I'm SO glad my book helped! Sending you love and strength. xx
Hi, Pixie-- I just wanted to reach out to let you know that I have a good idea of how you are feeling now and I am sending love. I was a stay-at-home mother who divorced when our last child left home, too. I was in a constant state of high stress for a long time. The most difficult thing for me has been the so many loved ones who bought into his manipulations and took pity on him rather than acknowledging the passive aggressive abuse he doled out regularly to me. Whatever has happened, though, it has been so worth all that I have been through to finally find myself and to be able to lean on ME, as Debbie so beautifully encourages. Please know that my heart is with you. You are not alone. In my most difficult passages during the year of divorce proceedings, I would imagine the many, many of my sisters across the world who had gone through the same sort of thing and mentally take the hands of one on either side of me as part of a great and powerful circle of love. I am taking your hand in my hand in such a circle now. Thank you for sharing your story and helping me to feel less alone, too. Hugs to you.
Dear Pixie, I finally got my divorce from my now-ex after 28 years of abuse. The divorce took two years, and included a blown-up mediation, him changing lawyers, and the need to constantly defend myself against his lies. He had the same position as your STBX on alimony -- his toy (me) was broken, and he could not play with it anymore, so why should he have to pay for it? Going through a divorce from one of these disordered individuals is horrific, but not a reason to stay married. Their ongoing lies, financial abuse, smear campaign against you, and the need for you to document a defense against their never-ending stream of outrageous lies are exhausting. And on top of that mess, most people, including family members and people I thought of as friends, did not understand and added to the trauma with ignorant comments like, "You need to get over it." My attorney was competent, but also did not grasp what I had experienced, or he did and did not care. The experience was excruciating. There were angels in my daily life, like RU-vidr Debbie Mirza, who had been through similar experiences, and they helped me so much. And now that I am on the other side of the divorce, I am at peace, and I am recovering. The pain of the process was totally worthwhile, as was the financial cost. Hang in there, pace yourself, and keep your tribe members on speed dial. You are going to make it through this too. ♥️ All the best to you.
I will carry that image of the soaked sheep forever, I believe. Perfect. Thank you for another beautiful video, Debbie. Your gifts are just what I am needing.
Thank you! I am still crying! Thank you for telling me it is OK to "cocoon" because that is instinctively what I feel I need to do. I literally would like to find a very safe place to hunker down and just stay; exactly like your story. I think we have been trained to feel selfish if we do anything for ourselves.
Oh my sisters... I can so relate to you! I have felt very alone for so long and finally understand what is going on in my marriage and why I could not understand it until now. I feel God led me right to this video so I could make sense of how I have been treated and how I can heal my broken heart. The story of the sheep will be cemented in my heart forever and mark the beginning of my healing. Thank you Debbie... you are truly a human angel on earth. I have suffered in quiet desperation for almost 26 years. I was a "sheep" in the water going down for the count when I came across this story today. It was heaven sent... I had been praying for relief and not feeling like myself or that I was doing any good in our family. The relationship I have with my older children (from my first marriage) is completely different from my relationship with my children from the second marriage. I realized just months ago the variable was my husband. He had systematically led my children to believe I am a problem and he is the victim. I am not sure how or when I will get out of the water... I just believe now I can. I have been so desperate for kindness or understanding... my husband is very charming... he treats everyone well except me so it has been hard for me to describe the abuse and get anyone to believe it. I am always told what a good man he is. I want to tell them that how he treats them and how he treats me is two completely different ways. I went from being a confident woman before I married him to a woman who doubts herself minute to minute. For a while I even had a hard time speaking or being able to articulate my feelings because I felt... if he does not care why would anyone else. I have found myself always apologizing for my thoughts and feelings... I felt unworthy of others consideration. When I get through this... it is my solemn promise to bless other women who many be suffering as I am like you Debbie. You took your lemons and made lemonade. It is my hope I can do the same thing. Any of my words would fall short to describe how grateful I am for your strength and calmness that have given me so much hope.
Loved the story. I am cocooning right now, comforting myself towards healing and have decided not to feel guilty about it. Thank you for your wonderful videos. You come across as such a nice person.
I love that you are cocooning and have decided not to feel guilty! I hope you enjoy this sacred time and treat yourself to your favorite tea or whatever brings you joy and comfort xx
Oh wow Jeanette. Your comment brought tears to my eyes. I am SO happy you heard those words. They are 100% true! Sending you piles and piles of love. xx
Your book arrived today and the workbook and your CD are on their way. At the moment I am struggling with fear and isolation but determined to heal this and start to meet some people in the new year just coffee and movie groups. It is so scary at 56 and very little trust left. But I will get there and messages like this give me hope. Thank you Debbie. Light, love and blessings to you :)
Oh wow! Yay!!! I'm so glad the book came and the others are on their way! The fact that you are determined to heal tells me you will. 56 is super young! You are just beginning your new life and it's going to be SO much better! Light, love, and blessings to you too Free Spirit! xx
I am in the same boat... you are not alone. You have a instant friend in Utah who feels and has some idea of what you are going through. I am a free spirit too... I have had two husbands try to "tame" me unsuccessfully but they did leave some big scars which thanks to Debby I feel hopeful to heal. Please reach out anytime... remember what a wolf does before it attacks its prey... it isolates it. I understand the urge to isolate... I have done it myself. I wanted to lick my wounds alone and hide just how impacted and hurt I was. I am personally a very loyal person and my trust in my husband was demolished leaving me with some pretty huge trust issues. I have learned we don't get through our heartaches alone and we can learn to trust again with time and increased wisdom. It is my prayer for you that angels will bear you up during this time and you never feel alone whether it be human angels (like Debby) or unseen angels beyond the veil.
@@monalisa2662 Thank you so much. I am so sorry that you also went through this. However, It is so comforting to know that others understand and gives me hope and makes me feel so much less alone. It is so heartening to connect with beautiful souls like yourself and this community. Your prayer and words of encouragement mean more to me than you could know. Thank you so much it is people like you that make this struggle not only possible but worth it. Light love hugs and blessing to you my Utah friend :)
The craziest thing is happenning to me. The person whom I allowed to abuse me for several years, looks exactly like you. You and your being are the actual " idea" or" image" that I hoped and wished she was. Its sure is something to hear you say all the things you do, and see the person I think about all too often.What a synchronous lesson im learning. Ill be just fine, Thank you for your channel. You're great! Happy New Year
This was beautiful. Thank you so much for this. I really needed to hear this. It made me cry but in a good way. I’m a new subscriber. I believe God brought me here to hear this beautiful story. Praying many blessings for you. 🙏🏻😊
Lisa below said exactly what I was going to say! Thank you so much Debbie. I'm so happy that I signed up for your Channel. I really like the interview that you have with Meredith Miller and I think that's how I was introduced to you. I'm going through a really rough time I'll just say that. So, thank you. This made me feel a lot better
I'm so sorry it's a tough time for you right now, and so glad this video made you feel a lot better! I hope this turns out to be a very special day for you. Sending you so much love. xx
Needed to hear this too. My internal dialogue with myself has been that I literally feel like I've been treading water in the deep end of the ocean and I feel stuck like I'm drowning. My ex was diagnosed as covert narc during a few therapy sessions. We're in middle of divorce, I'm penniless, have felt SO unworthy (which is the root of all this), hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel. So glad I subscribed :-)
I'm so glad you subscribed too. Sending you so much love and strength, Jane. You will get through this. I'm so glad you are getting out of the relationship. I really understand. I've been there. Have you read my book? It will help a lot. I also have a guided meditation on my website that I give away for free. Try that. Have times in your day when you do things just for you. Take good care of yourself xx
Thank you again, Debbie. I am starting to try to put myself out there...just get out there...after isolating for a long time. I went to a 12 step meeting this morning, and had been down on myself for getting up and leaving 20 minutes early... but really, I think I was just listening to my inner compass. "I could get up and leave if I feel uncomfortable...I don't have to set up a story in my head, finding a reason, which usually leads to self-blame, and feeling even worse." Trying to practice asking the right questions, starting with "how am I feeling right now?" I have watched this video before and am watching it again. I blame myself for being lazy, even though I am getting out of bed and doing the best I can... there were days, not long ago, where I could not get out of bed, due to exhaustion, fatigue, deep sadness. I want to practice self-compassion b/c that inner critic isn't nice to me (I am learning/witnessing is actually not MY voice, but my mother, father, or sister's voice..which were often full of criticism, anxiety, projection...sometimes cruel, heartless voices...
That was beautiful! Such a soothing voice I wish you read more stories like this wow get calm first then leap!! I was doing my beauty treatment cupping feeling and looking better already,hugs
I just ordered your book. I recently married a man who I have come to realize is a covert narcissist. Amazon allowed me to read the preface and intro of your book and it brought me to tears. My new husband raged at me out of the blue last year in the car on my birthday. I can’t wait to read the rest of your book for more clarity. Thank you so much.
Your'e amazing Debbie ❣ I bought Safest Place Possible after Covert narcissistic abuse a few months ago. I also gave it to my niece after her fiance passed away and was reeling. It helped her too and paid it forward by telling a friend who was still grieving the loss of her husband. Your gentle authentic kind way is so appreciated. Lots of love to you for being there 💞
Thank you!! I'm so happy to hear the book helped both you and your niece! That book has a special place in my heart. Would you be open to writing a review on Amazon about it? That would help others who are looking and want to know others' experience with it. Only if that would feel good to you... Thank you again for your kind and heartfelt comment. It filled me to read what you said. xx
Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story, loved it. You’re such a kind and lovely person Debbie, thanks for alll your help. X. Laura from Argentina.
You would be very very welcome! Here we don’t know much about covert narcissists and how to deal with such a damaging experience... btw I was just listening your music, your voice is divine, you’re such a special and beautiful soul. Thanks!
Thanks Debbie 🙏.... that is exactly where I am. I know there will be a time soon when I am ready to move on. Just not yet. I am reading your book The Safest Place Possible right now.
I think I understand the need to cocoon but I have abandonment issues from my childhood so I’m trying not to spiral about an old friend who says they don’t hang out anymore because they’re cocooning. I see them on social media having fun, going places and doing things with their new romantic partner - often things that we used to do together, or things we would do with our friend group. On one occasion we were at the same music festival but they made no attempt to meet up even though they were the one encouraging me to go (before their partner decided to join). Now I really only hear from them when their partner is out of town and suddenly they want to hang out again. I’m genuinely happy for them if they’re happy, but is that really cocooning for their mental health/recovery? Or do I need to face the fact that they never really cared about me and were using me all these years? I want to be supportive and patient but it smells off and is making me very sad and anxious.
I feel so sad. I know I will never leave him. 28 years of marriage and 13 year age gap. I will be his “caregiver” the rest of my natural born days. Trapped like a used up old donkey. I am truly ill.
You deserve so much better than that. You have a choice. Choose your heart. Be your own bodyguard. You don't have to stay. Reach out to people you know and love for support and advice. You are worthy of happiness, love, joy, and respect. xx
