The Dark Side of Being a "Nice Girl" 

The issue isn’t in being nice, it’s being a people pleaser, lacking boundaries, over extending oneself, taking on others problems. Take your cape off and go heal. There are people worth being nice to. Love the video ❤️

Yes the day I stopped being too nice I attracted a healthy relationship with a great guy, dropped toxic friends, and started investing in myself and getting everything I want! Love this, you always come through girl!

I decline "offers of help" from people with negative or ulterior intentions.

I had a breakdown this morning over not being able to stand up for myself so this was much needed!

Be Kind Not Nice! There's a difference!

Overly nice is often a sign of trauma. Its a lot deeper than just saying “don’t do it”.

Take note ladies. In my younger days I was the proverbial doormat men...a pleaser, too agreeable, lacked sense of self and got walked all over! No one ever committed to THAT. What this women is really saying is ...the entire universe seeks balance in all equations..nice , rather than TOO nice! If you are TOO nice people don't respect it and will take advantage. It's human nature!

"How to stop being too nice if you are already in that category". I find this is the major hurdle because people tend to get offended once you are no longer their therapist/assistant/hype woman. Adults can act just like those 2 year olds mentioned.

“Nice” is usually a façade for something else. Strive to be kind. It’s Biblical 💕

I had both Type A and Type B down to a science, and I learned this growing up with Mom and with people I knew. I was an asset until I said "no", then I was a liability. I learned later in life that I couldn't please everyone, and that not everyone is deserving of you.

I was just thinking about this yesterday.. I was feeling like I should stop being so nice to people. I feel like I just care too much about people and their feelings but people rarely feel the same about me.

Being a doormat is a trauma response . It's because they people are giving what they lack and deserve in hopes people will reciprocate and show up for them . Which is not always the case they end up feeling used and more burned out if you are being a doormat nice please go to therapy

i lacked boundaries , then I turned around and got upset at someone because of my lack of boundaries they disrespected me. Its a loose loose situation. Be firm, dont worry if you loose them. its not worth the headache down the road.

i stopped being nice to friends because it leads to not respecting me and even taking advatage of my helpful nature.

I used to be the kind of person that could not accept compliments or gifts... My dad told me that giving someone compliments and giving gifts to others is a blessing to them. He framed it in the way that denying gifts all the time or telling people they are wrong about their compliments, takes away their blessing. There is nuance of course, but it helped me accept and say thank you more often.

I’ve been both Type A and B. I won’t lie, it has made me a tad resentful when it comes to men and resistant in my friendships. I’m just so unwilling at this point, but trying to work through it. I was the one always suggesting baecations and date night. In friendship, it may sound petty but I was always the designated driver or driver in general although everyone had a car and license. I’m talking driving in NYC traffic for 2hrs to go to a restaurant, 2 hrs upstate to go to a vineyard, girls night out, etc. Being too nice backfires. I’m single now, but if a man isn’t suggesting and planning, I’m not going. And I am not going out with the girls if it requires me driving. Establish boundaries and standards and do not relent! 💁🏾‍♀️

10:36: It’s not always about being too nice, some people don’t accept help from others because they don’t want it weaponized against them, as in someone saying “you wouldn’t have that if it wasn’t for me.” Or “I did abc for you, now you owe me xyz.” Some people are only helpful and kind just to create conditions of obligation.

Our patriarchal society here in America and religious institutions breeds "good girls" or "nice girls". We're taught to sacrifice, over give, and to put other's needs before our own. I'm thankful for channels like yours and the many voices of other women who are pointing out these issues while giving solutions. Women are healing, learning to put themselves first and coming out of these codependent and people pleasing habits. Cheers 🥂 to our growth ladies! 🌹

I use to be that overly nice person but then I had to learn to put myself first. Now no is my favorite word. Learning to love me but I will always have a soft heart. just need to balance things out

The best part about this video (even though i haven’t watched it yet) is that i see all the girls in the comments letting me know that I’m not alone. I told my mom earlier today that i don’t have any love left for anyone anymore. Like none at all. I’m tired and burnt out from showing so much love and not getting it back.

Recovering nice girl. Really needed this video.

"If you don't work here, I can't pay you" I love this and I'm using it! You always deliver 😊 I've been away for a couple of weeks and decided to use that time to get offline for a bit like you recommend. I must go binge your content that I've missed now! ❤❤❤

I was just having this conversation with my mom! It’s so important to have boundaries and say no

I have a friend that tolerants disrespect from men she dates. I tell her don't be a doormat. But she goes from tolerating disrespect to disrespecting people.

People really need to talk about this more.

I don't always comment here but you're always in my thought. I've been on this feminine value for a while and you're a source of inspiration, thanks for all that you do. Thanks for always being there to share gems with us. God bless you with more beneficial knowledge. Would love to meet you and give you a warm hug.

This video couldn't have come fast enough. I just had a breakdown, and I really needed this. Thank you for your content.

I'm just learning to be less "nice". I've always been a combination of tye 1 and 2. It's taking a lot of work and I still sometimes feel uncomfortable accepting help and compliments

Thank you so much for the video. 'if you don't work here, then you definitely shouldn't be paid'. This will be my mantra for the month of June.

This is/ was definitely me ! I worked hard at work ! But I didn’t apply in my everyday relationships , bf I was overly nice , I didn’t know ! Wasn’t taught by my parents so I greatly appreciate you and sharing these insightful videos 🙏🏾♥️

Part 2 needs to come out today too lol💕💕 great content

The timing is impeccable. I came across this when I've been feeling a lot of resentment. I really going to start resenting myself now and getting back on track with putting myself first.

Thank you so much for this video. I started standing up for myself a few years ago and I've never felt so much better. I decide how I'm going to be treated. You either respect me or you are off my radar. It's that eeeeezzzy now. I have come this far by grace. Keep up your amazing videos.

12:38 You always deliver beyond💕. This was pure therapy because this is how I have been feeling after having given myself to so many “friends” and acquaintances. Yet, when you think the same people would do the same, they show repeatedly that they care when it matters to them. I stop my sentences here. Thank you.

I'm a helper, and if I decide to help myself instead of someone else, they are either surprised or get mad at me.

Not you including the mischievous little boy at Christmas meme 😂 Love the video as always. ❤

From the Oxford Dictionary: Nice, Origin Middle English (in the sense ‘stupid’): from Old French, from Latin nescius ‘ignorant’, from nescire ‘not know’ I posted the above to show that the original meaning of the word “nice” meant to be stupid/ignorant. Strive to be kind, not nice.

Yup thank you. NEEDED this. This is my self care safe space

Looking forward to part 2, I truly learnt a lot from today's video ❤❤❤❤

Wow, this was very in insightful. Tysm. I even noticed I was doing that myself, I was pushing the boundaries of those who are nice, kept asking and getting, so why stop. Similar to people thinking I was nice, and they pushed the boundaries and I came for their necks, now they don't just come to me.

I've refused help so much that i became that cactus and now I'm tryna get out of being that person. I dont know how to ask for help without feeling too needy?(can you please a video on that)

This is an absolutely 'must listen to' - thank you so much

I needed this such a lesson great work hun.

This video is on point!

Thank you! I needed this reminder ❤

This was such a great video! It stung a bit because I found myself displaying behaviors of both types of too nice. My being too nice definitely is a trauma response. However, through with therapy I’m learning to be more assertive and confident. It hasn’t been the easiest but doing the work has been well worth it! Thank you for this video again ❤️ the nice girlies needed this

I absolutely love your new look. You look stunning! Also please do more what you eat in a day videos!! I tried your previous recipes and I loved them.

Thank you for this video!

I needed this video…kicked me in the butt in the best way possible.🤯🙏🏻💞

Excellent video and you did bring this in a new light

This was an excellent video, im definitely in the A category but have a couple of B traits also. I've been accepting this realization that I'm waaaay too nice and really broke down and was hurt over it since the start of the year. Started working on myself and lately have been saying no to ppl mainly family and I'm getting soooo much pushback, this is always how it goes, I say no I get tons of pushback or guilt tripped especially from 2 particular fam members then I end up doing whatever it is, this time tho I'm standing on it if they wanna be mad oh well. It is hard tho but I can't keep putting others before myself,when I realized it wasn't being reciprocated it hurt so bad and I did for a moment start feeling bitter, but I got up and decided to match energy and start to stand on my NO'S, learning to put myself first before anything now while still being a nice person. Being nice is a beautiful quality, but have to learn to protect the energy that's given away with it.

I think this is something that you always have to be aware of and check yourself..thank you for this video ❤️🙏 I really don't want to be a Human Cactus 😢😢

Patiently awaiting part 2 of this.❤

This has so many "perfect examples", well done!

Awww. Thank you so much ❤

Thank you for this video bc I’m been taken advantage(and disrespected) by way too many people.. female friends, guys, family members, coworkers etc

Thank you for making this video!!

Thank you for posting. I am the nice girl. I learned a lot about myself through this video. See you in part II.

Much needed video thank you, looking forward to part 2 ❤

Another steller, supportive video... thank you ❤

Loved and needed this 🥰🥹🥹

Amazing content! I can't wait for part 2

Dam I came here to have a good time and I was attacked 😅. Human cactus really cut deep but I'm working on that part of myself. But trauma is deep wound that takes time haha. Appreciate this episode. Can't wait for the next one.

Thank you so much! U hv been a great impact in my life

I love your voice girl , it's healing my soul plus your channel helps me alot

Thank you for this

Cant wait for part 2!

Very powerful video. As a scapegoated child to a narcissistic family system everything in this video has been my whole life. Alot of what is being described is people pleasing/fawning which some people use as a survival mechanism. It wasn't until my mom passed away at 53 that I finally woke up. She was an extreme people please and if I continued down this path, I too, would suffer the same fate. Life is short. Whether young or old, anyone can be gone in the blink of an eye. I now ask myself, would I be happy with the way my life is if I were to go tomorrow? Would I be happy with the people I have in my circle and all the memories we shared? Do the people in my circle (family or other) bring peace and goodness into my life? If no, they got to go. I am learning that doing this is not selfish. It's self-love. Standing up for yourself and your worth is self-love. You would not encourage your friend or those you love to be with that toxic person or go above and beyond for them. Why can't you do that for yourself? Thank you for sharing this vital information. People pleasing is extremely harmful and we need to do everything in our power to improve this behaviour. I hope that anyone reading this knows that they aren't alone. A lot of people struggle with people pleasing including myself. Have grace towards yourself. We are all here to get better at stopping it 💛

Look into the etymology of the word nice. It's meaning has changed drastically over time and yet it hasnt really, it just appears that way. To be nice is to be foolish. Being kind is what we aught to aim for.

I looooveed this!!! So many gems

Your analysis and advice on self care and development is always on point and life saving.💎👌👍🙏🙏🙏

I really love how structured and useful all the information in your videos is. I always feel like your content is a result of a deep research, then carefully groomed and presented for us to learn the best tips and apply them in real life. And I want to say that this is so refreshing that you don’t look at other RU-vidrs (I see many other channels are just repeating one another) and communicate your own views and philosophy of life in a very creative way! It helped me to look at many things from a different angle, it’s like having a new friend with a fresh look who is willing to share her wisdom🙏❤ Thank you for your work!❤

Thank you for this video...

Girl I love your videos! ❤

This is gold !!! 🙏💜

This hit home 🥺 but it shows me how much I’ve grown 👏🏾

I love this channel ❤️

People will make you feel bad as soon as you say No, but I learned No is vitamin N, and I take it as needed, thanks wise woman for this insightful explanations, this is human nature if you let them know you will take it, they will make sure you get more than you need. I loved the kids side of it, so much to learn and improve. We all deserve the best out of life…. Let’s go for it. ❤

My goodness, what a gem 💎

Yes I’ve started to have boundaries and I feel great

I love doing and being nice to ppl, who either don’t expect it or who’s had some bad breaks lately! If I’m in a relationship, I tend to spoil… but then it backfires because they don’t believe you really could be soo nice! Thinking you must have an agenda. Can’t win for losing, I guess!

I desperately need that part 2 because I'm so tired and exhausted of being the nice girl.

I always say “MEAN PEOPLE SUCK”

Only the introduction caught me n now l am being indifferent to people's needs but that is not whom lam meant to be.l derive joy n satisfaction lending a hand n meeting people's need in my little way

After seeing this video , I felt as if iam seeing my life. I was too good to people around me 😢 love 💕 from India 🇮🇳

Best video ever!! ❤

Thank you universe for all these blessings chasing me down

The world is full of evil people and so women need to put themselves first. Women need to protect themselves and avoid every disrespectful individual and toxic situation.Women need to take care of themselves and always remember that what hurts instructs. Women need to realize that there are men in the world that prey on women and have to be wary of such men. Protect your resources, personal possession and emotional well being. Be security conscious too. Shalom.

GREAT VIDEO!

Loved this❤

This was great❤

Great video !

Also the persons who are weak, are that ones who has to stop being nice. Because the powerful persons, for example, rich persons, old men, protected persons.. They already have the respect from the rest. But for example, you are a young girl, everybody see her weak and treat her bad if she doesn't put limits.

Oh that use to be until I heard my name being talked about. It stop so fast and I let them all know what they thought of me. Ha!! They we shocked and pissed that I stopped.

i have such a hard time maintaining boundaries with my relatives since i’m the youngest. I keep saying yes to almost everything and i hate it so much!!

Loved every bit of this video!! I hust ahdbto comment again

Thank you for this. I really needed this. By the way, I have been following and applying your teachings and now I can’t even stand the amount of male attention I get 😂

Really amazing and informative video

Cant wait for part 2

Thank you