Bro! Lets not always blame technology for our faults. With dating apps people have become overly particular about finding perfection because you always feel like there is a better option out there… its made us more intolerable yes to some extent by their design but people should def take some of the blame
Compassion nurtures and prolongs the love. It may help in finding love but there are more effective qualities and methods I believe. @@tudorscutariu1012
She mentioned getting rejected a lot, but I also think the opposite can be bad as well: getting too much attention. This can inflate people's self-image and lead to a decreasing desire to "settle" for someone who isn't in the 99th percentile of attractiveness/wealth
And how can BigThink promote BetterHelp that has over and over again proved it's a scam company with employees who actually don't do anything to help their clients.
As a guy I feel like dating apps are as useless as it gets. When I joined a year ago I paid everything and right at the beginning (when my elo was higher I guess) I managed to match with like 3 people altogether, and my record was around 10 messages (and even that was just me asking basic info because she didn't put anything in her profile). Apart from the first few weeks I was only liked by some fake profiles and I had 0 matches. No matter what you read on the internet this experience makes you feel the most undesirable person and can kill your confidence to an unhealthy level.
@@wnose A friend of mine told me that if everyone likes you then you must be a sociopath. I guess those are in the top 1%. I'm not sure I want to be one of them.
I can absolutely relate! Been using dating apps for the past 6 months and my self esteem is at an all-time low. Just yesterday I was thinking why I'm even alive if I'm this undesirable. Then I realised it's the stupid dating apps that are causing this feeling.
The experience is no better for women. They receive hundreds of messages and unsolicited genital pics. The dating app companies really must sell misery 💀
Hearing that dating app users are more likely to experience distress and depression is concerning. The convenience of online dating might come with a bigger emotional cost than we think
I blame online dating for worsening my depression. I used Plenty of Fish for more than 10 years, also Facebook and Instagram. The early days were gold, had chat with many good women, met some of them in person. But starting in 2018 the thing only went downhill, you can no longer have genuine conversations, women are always suspicious thinking you are a scammer, and many users are there only to sell pics and vids. It is very hard to get yourself out of it, addiction to anything in life is terrible. I'm trying to not even use social media anymore, last time I contacted someone on Facebook, she wanted to file a police report for harassment, after I asked her if she is single. I left POF in 2022 and haven't come back thanks God.
Although I think that dating apps are evil, that data point doesn't really demonstrate it. No matter how good the apps are, you'd expect people on them to be less happy than people who don't need them because a) they're content with their relationship, or b) they're so hot that they have people throwing themselves at them.
@@kellittav its far more relevant to dating apps than just any social media. On dating apps there is the expectation for the man to basically perform a routine to keep or even get a conversation at all. To use social media you don't need to be some court jester just to participate.
More unhappy people might just go on these apps. They aren't necessarily the cause if unhappiness. People happily in a couple or single but happy probably won't join a dating app
It's painful to see how much 'meeting through friends' receded. I personally find it the most beautiful and organic way of meeting someone. Seems like we've all become more hesitant to take the leap with people already close to us, in exchange for taking the leap with complete strangers for the sake of romance or 'love at first sight'
@@User-jr7vf Well, probably wanna start there. Its rough when your partner is your only friend, that's a lot of pressure & responsibility that I don't think is healthy for anyone to bare. By having a social network, means you can go hang out w/ them & give your partner space or if you need to vent/seek advice you've got folks to talk to. I say this as having been that partner whose social network fell apart & the partner who was their only friend and it's just not a great place to be either way.
@@User-jr7vfLearn to cold approach or travel to a country where women actually appriciate you. Try to go social events with maybe collegeus or people who are not your friends and start to talking to women there.
@@ghosthusler One of my biggest dreams is to visit different countries where women are approachable. I have studied with people from other countries in the uni and yeah, there are places where women are way more nice.
Don't forget men outnumber women on the apps by 2 or 3 to 1. The majority of women won't consider men under a certain height. Also, a huge percentage of women's profiles are either inactive, outright fake or have so little information one can't even make a determination on possible compatibility. Imagine walking into a room with a hundred potential mates. As soon as you enter, ninety walk out. Then out of the remaining ten, nine of them walk out while you are talking to them. The one remaining agrees to a first date and then never shows up. I am NOT exaggerating these numbers at all. This is what it's like for me on dating apps and why I have given up on them.
And only 10-15 of women that have no friends or connection are using dating apps. A lot of those apps have bot women as well. Regular women have no problem finding decent male offline. As far as I have seen dating apps is filled with trash, it's a heaven for grapist males, murders, $ex offenders, etc. According to ¢rime agency, all the victims of assaults met their partners dating apps. If you are a woman, just go outside instead of being on these loser apps. Nothing good comes out of those apps.
Having gone through this myself, I wonder what an alternative would be. Going out and meeting in person? But where? Church, parties? I never go to those places.
Ever stop to think that maybe the concept of "romance" is oversold? The relationships that do work stem from what the scholarly literature refers to as "assortative mating", finding commonality, working toward common goals within similar or complimentary backgrounds. Love comes afterward
P*rns negative affect on young men is often spoken about (and rightly so) but you seldom hear anything about romantic novel and film having a negative affect on young women giving them delusional expectations
Why does nobody tell about the negative experience for men like: 1. All the female flaking 2. Foody calls 3. Catfishing 4. Ghosting 5. False rape allegations
A huge part of the problem with dating apps is that they're more or less all owned by the same parent company (Match group). They operate a monopoly where it's in their interests for the products to be crap at what they're supposed to do.
I'm an incredibly short male with a monster personality. All women set their minimum search height over mine. I never get anywhere. A dating app can never quantify the whole of what makes me attractive (to some). I do best just living my life and running into interesting people who can see me as I am.
Honestly as a 5'2" woman, very tall men are intimidating and awkward to be around like that, so I prefer shorter men. I know I'm not the only one who has that preference, although maybe not many of us do. Either way praying for all of us in these trying times!
@@lalagardenia6500 Sorry for whoever caused your knee-jerk bitterness, truly. But you don't know me... and if you keep that attitude, you'll never know anyone like me.
From spot-on assumptions to such overgeneralized advice like "Hey, be good!" You really don't need a book for that! This is a common issue with a lot of psychologists. They tap into real pains we all feel, grab our attention, make us eager for a solution because we're frustrated, and then at the end, just hit us with something vague like "be good!"
@@danieln.6097 It's not an issue of gynocentric society, it's simply about profits. They cater more to women in order to attract more of them on their apps because men outnumber them and the companies can't make as much money if they let this slide
not true for me. I am sorry you have experienced emotional/physical pain at the hands of your partner. I met my wife on Tinder but i will admit it was hard for the first 6 months of being on these apps. The users are all strangely distant and didn't want to connect on a human level until i met my wife. It is worth fighting for love. Please don't stop trying.
It's easy to get caught up in the gamification and constant comparisons, but the focus should always be on building genuine connections based on respect and emotional intimacy. Thanks for the insightful perspective!
"Building up the courage of speaking to someone in person at a bar or supermarket" Yeah, these days it has very little to do with courage and much more to do with the sheer volume of crap that is broadcast on social media regarding candid interactions. The old saying of "the worst thing is they can say is no" is very obsolete; these days, theres a good chance that approaching someone is likely to end up with you being filmed, recorded, photographed etc and then posted out of context in social media.
You can't accurately compare men and women who feel insecure due to lack of messages on dating apps bc a "lack of messages" looks very different for a man vs woman on these apps ... the average match rate for women across all dating apps is 10.6% in comparison to men at 0.6%
Yep in my country if you run these apps using an woman account you Will get 300 messsages on the same day without even trying but If you make an Men account prepare to hell you Will swipe everything human for a week and at Max 3 woman Will match and of these 3 only 1 Will respond untill they get a message from an good looking Guy for casual sex and starts to ghost you or return after had been discarted .
As a straight man aged 25, with a pretty average level of attractiveness, I’ve completely deleted all of my dating apps. And honestly I’m a lot happier. They are a cancer for male mental health and not being on them forces you to develop real social skills rather than marketing skills. If you are a man reading this then I highly recommend you delete the dating apps and just set the challenge of talking to one new girl a day, even if there’s no romantic interest in her. That will be infinitely better for your general wellbeing and eventually you’ll find a girl.
i was introduced to tinder through someone at work…. before that day i can say i was 100% healthier and thought id NEVER try it… but i was going through something weird in my then dating life … but it was better than after the apps
The fact that, it is not mentioned whatsoever the huge imbalance of "success" (matches per swipe ratios) that women vs man have in these apps because of obvious imbalances that are heavily capitalized by those apps. In my opinion is a very one sided and misinformed point of view on this matter.... Meanwhile there was no lack of mentioning how the male frustration for the before mentioned effect, in turn affects women, almost painting the whole male gender as just toxic unsatisfied people while there is clearly huge imbalance on how biased all these apps are....
Bro, app aren't baised 😅 there are more desperate males on those app compared to only 10-15% of women. Companies aren't creating imbalance their desperation is creating imbalance 😅 And not everything is about competition, one only needs one woman to settle one with.
Dating apps aren't there to make dating more accessible, it's to make money. They promote the best looking girls/guys and make it so they never leave the platform. It is so to make other users long for what looks good, something they want, without ever giving it to them. Dating apps are there for the best to feel better about themselves and for the normal to long for more and spend money on the app, because that is so called the only way to get what you want, at least that is how they want to make it look like.
It makes sense, but why do so many people today use them anyway? I mean, if it's obvious that these apps don't make you find love, why 40% of relationships today form via online apps? Maybe because we set for less? Or because we are craving for any type of social contact? Why do we crave? Because we don't have any. Why don't we have any? Maybe because we don't have compassion anymore so we feel scared to help each other.
@@tudorscutariu1012do we have a better alternative? I've given up online dating but haven't had a date since. I'd rather be single than date online but other people may not feel that way
I mean it's gives and cons to dating apps, I for one found my partner through an app and I know many people who have. I think dating apps kinda speed up the former process of how people date, but also people shouldn't just use them if they are looking for a relationship, they should look at their communities, school or even workplaces (all within reason and respect)
I am self-employed: I can't date co-workers. I'm a grown-up so I'm not in school. I have never spoken to my next-door neighbours in four moves now, let alone someone in the wider community. They would think I'm weird for trying. Apps and nightclubs are literally the only ways to hook up or date.
6:18 that's why I don't like dating app & it never got my interest. I don't wanna list me on online as a product, you come to, know me & choose me or I go to you, know you, choose you. That's what I prefer.
Liking someone requires a fair amount of exposure. You have more chances with someone you work around then someone you just met on online who doesn't know you. The best you can do is just meet people. Be out in the world and don't be weird.
For long term relationships I do something similar but opposite to her perspective of putting someone else's good at same level as my good. I put their bad at the same level as my bad. We're all special (so no one is) and we're all mean/awful/etc (so no one is). When someone is at their worst I'm like meh, probably doesn't represent who they are as a person. Except I do struggle with that when my small mistakes are treated as if I screwed up hugely. That's when I'm not receiving what I'm giving so I find that tough to swallow.
Rather to build a strong bond people constantly look for something new a new person a new partner , "why settle for less when something is better out there” healthy relationships are built when you accept somebody’s flaws and you are okay with it you still like that person you accept them as they are , this are the things modern age dating lacks
I have been lucky so far that I haven't felt I needed to use a dating app, previously just meeting folks the old fashion way. But having just gotten out of a six years relationship & prior to that a lot of my relationships were long distance where we met in person but eventually moved away, kept in touch & feelings evolved. So it's been a minute since I've been in the 'dating pool' & it seems the rules & norms around dating have changed so drastically...
Took me 2 years, several dates and 1 short relationship, that didn't work out in the end, to find my current partner, online dating isn't easy, but it can work, just be polite, know what you want and don't stress out if things aren't working out.
"People behave worse online" another example of the importance of shame having a role in our society, not only are there low to no consequences if enough money is involved, they also avoid being named and shamed under the protection of corporations so they even escape feeling bad about hurting others. This is a disaster for teaching moral lessons, how will they ever learn to sympathise with the suffering of others if they don't even know what it feels like? It explains a lot about our society.
If you're not already familiar with Dunbar's Number, you might be interested in theories about how society's issues are often related to exceeding it. Daniel Schmachtenberger has done some excellent talks about this.
Amazing provocation. People simply do not want to have a adrenalines of finding new people anymore. When people say they are lazy to meet other people is basically fear of being rejected. So, apps made these same people feel it is "more normal" to portray your self on a giant human menu than going to a park and ask someone you like out. That is why we lonely.
This is only true for some people. For others, loneliness is a factor even when they do not use dating apps, and the apps themselves can help them feel more confident.
You cannot smell someone pheromonally, the thing that tells us more about a person in 3 seconds, than volumes of written information and pictures do through digital technology. Pheromonal signatures ALWAYS tell the truth. Why no one thinks, talks about or realizes this amazes me.
It’s been shown in multiple studies that online dating is a lot tougher for men, yet you site more stats and first for women. This is the problem with mental health today. There is so much focus on women and men put on the back burner
This video touches on such an important topic. As a therapist and combat veteran, I've seen how the pressures of modern dating, particularly through apps, can deeply affect mental health. The impact on self-esteem, rejection sensitivity, and even the way we view ourselves and others is profound. It's essential that we start having more conversations about the downsides of dating apps and how to protect our mental well-being in the process. I've been creating content on my channel, Empowerment Psychology, aimed at supporting veterans and everyone dealing with trauma, PTSD, and mental health challenges. If you're interested, feel free to check it out. Thank you for shedding light on this crucial issue!
A glaring oversight here is that you mention "heightened standards" on dating apps. However, I can confidently state this is from a female's perspective, not a male. Most men barely get any matches, thus most of the time, we just swipe on whoever on dating apps. I quit dating apps for the better, but I remember how conversely, I would significantly lower my standards with woman I would never give a chance in real life, just in hopes it would result in a future date. I more or less questioned if I had undergone metamorphosis to a cockroach whenever present on dating apps. Men DO have certain heightened perspectives on what is deemed "hot", though most men would never maintain this as their dating standard whatsoever, whereas dating apps encourage women to be exorbitantly picky when they can swipe on just about anyone and get a match, BUT I can assure you, most of those men just swipe on anyone and would never be in a relationship with you anyways and would most likely just sleep and sweep you, unless you're as attractive/well-established as he is.
I can't get men blaming the apps. Not trying to flex here nor no one is paying me, but I am fat, bald and not young and even shy, yet had no problems finding plenty of successful dates there and my last long relationship was with someone I met there. What many women tell me is that men often grossly misunderstand what a woman finds attractive.
Dating apps never worked out for me, so I had never a date. I used them since they existed. The only good thing was for me that I got a good impression of the women´s standards which helps a lot to filter out quickly.
Yeah dating apps suck! As everyone has been saying I feel like folks match just to have a list of randoms who find them attractive. I’ve been way happier since I’ve stopped trying to find a partner. No discouragement to anyone who still wants that of course. I’d rather just have friends and family.
I tried them all, they are not made to make you find someone. I've been off the apps for a while and they send me messages on how to make my profile better lol. What garbage
I don't think dating apps have improved anything, at least for most people. In my experience, the huge anxiety that gave me trying to talk to some stranger was not even nearly as painful as the downsides of trying to meet someone on a dating app. And the days I found the courage were anyways more positive, even though I could get a negative answer, as I did something I didn't think I could. Dating apps are yet another expendable thing of these times we live in that's making some people a lot of money.
Only if you are ugly i have experienced the two extremes and o can say that when people find my attractive i can speak shit and they Will embrace but when they see me as ugly dont matter How good person i am they will find creepy experiment entertain a conversation with an girl who is Very less attractive than you and see the Magic people are self-interested
Unfortunately, digital anything panders to immediate gratification issues and narcissism. It is regressive (underdeveloped, immature psycho-social skills) and, consequently, very destructive and toxic UNLESS the user is whole enough to use the technology and not allow themselves to be used BY the technology.
This was very much from a female perspective. Dating app are exponentially better for women and takes female pickiness to unseen levels and that is why they're complaining. Men will settle for much less, even on dating apps.
Yeah, dating apps are definitely not for me. As a 53 year old, bald, overweight man, those pics of young, beautiful women kind of made me feel a bit creepy. There were very few, if any women within my age preference category, let alone *real* women who maybe at least appeared to be not quite so... I don't know... superstar-ish? Thankfully, I paid no money for that service, and I'm quite likely never going to try them again. Oh, there are apps out there for more mature audiences, but I learned they tend to filter members via status. (Certain amount of income, has a car, etc.) Now full disclosure, I only looked at one of those. But it pretty much painted a picture of what I was looking to get into, (albeit an incomplete picture) and I walked away.
I’ve hired this company that helps me get the matches online and potential dates, it has made dating significantly easier for me, saves so much of time and energy honestly.
I find it very alarming and sad actually that it's so easy to overlook the marketing-like features many dating apps have. Like it's normal that people are ''graded'' by the quality of their profile picture and the wittiness of their bio catchphrase...
Just go speed dating, worked great for us. Internet dating sounds convenient, but it's not getting you outside of your comfort zone. Speed dating has no guarantees either, but you sure as hell try your best to be your best at those moments.
I couldn't notice all the statistics here have more data and time when the video refers to women. Men have the same issue, don't believe it or not men get harassed, ghosted, and experienced some kind of violence online too.
Stopped watching at the comparison of grapes with pomegranates. Why annotate men's rejection bars, as against women's abuse bars? Not everyone should handle data. Big think indeed!
Did not work for me. And the stress and anxiety was real. The only ones benefiting from this are the app corporations, bc that's what they are, corporations for profit.
Nothing that I've already heard or said by someone else, only difference is she says it in a calming voice & no offence to her or any other expert but Solutions are always dubious and not clear cut.
The entire premise is flawed. There is no functional way to date in the modern way. We treat intimacy too loosely and take being in a relationship for granted. The ideal is one relationship that you intended to turn into marriage from the get go and you open your heart to one person. Sex is merely a byproduct not the goal. Kids the ultimate end, not the relationship itself. Kids propagate not just our genetics but our culture and vision for a better society. Modern dating corrupts that purpose.
