The Evolutionary Psychology Of Love - Robin Dunbar 

Hello beautiful people. Absolutely fascinating episode, enjoy! Here's the timestamps: 0:00 Intro 01:01 Defining Love 07:59 Were Humans Always Monogamous? 13:12 Telling Dating Preferences by Finger Length 19:08 How Love is Adaptive 25:38 Love in Arranged Marriages 36:18 Female Primates During Maternity 48:00 The Show-off Hypothesis 52:17 What is Commitment? 1:06:08 The Use of Human Kissing 1:16:01 Optimal Rubbing Speed 1:24:01 Why We Love People After They Die 1:31:33 Men’s Vasopressin Reactors 1:35:49 Where to Find Robin

Okay, “Robin go, Robin stab, Robin bring back” was not just hilarious, it was a demonstration of just how skilled an interviewer Chris Williamson has become. It is the ability to deeply and inventively engage with the guest that produces the great value of the long-form, and this is precisely the opposite of both the skills and the outcomes of legacy environments, like television. ✊👍

Bring more evolutionary psychologysts!

You are slowly becoming my new favorite podcaster on RU-vid Chris. Love this interview!!!

This is quickly becoming my favourite podcast because Chris has such a relaxed and calming influence on the speaker who is able to speak more fully. Then he steers the conversation in interesting directions by asking the right questions. I'm starting to like this more than triggernometry because it is not fast-paced and random and it is more positive.

Chris, your podcast has become my go to for any type of interest because you talk to so many people about so many topics unbiasedly. A very rare thing to happen nowadays.

One of my favourite interviews. Robin Dunbar really is wonderfully skilled at explaining psychology to laymen like me. I will have to pick up his books.

I love the curio cabinet behind Professor Robin Dunbar. Feline knickknacks are safely displayed near the drawings of the k-nines. Equal index finger lengths here.

Western cultures are about "falling in love" but they don't do very well in long term relationships, especially marriage. Eastern, especially religious cultures don't "fall in love" but show long term love through caring, commitment, raising the family etc. The main difference is western cultures are more individualistic and materialistic. Being individualistic makes westerners more lonely as they don't value community. When you are lonely, the experience of feeling somebody cares about you goes to your head more. That combined with the fact that individualistic people don't want to show love to many people, it is easier to fall in love with "the one". The materialistic side of individualistic culture turns people into objects. Just like people get excited about buying the next iPhone, they also get excited about acquiring the next trophy girlfriend/boyfriend. But once they get what they want, they quickly fall out of love, because it is all about the chase.

You guys have such a great dynamic. Really looking forward to the next episode with you two.

Thanks Chris, fantastic interview tons of information.

I loved it!!!! As I loved the one with Roy Baumeister!!! You are doing an incredible job. Chris!

The index finger discussion was hilarious

I love the part on the immune system. It meshed well with what I remember from microbiology and the immune system's relationship with genetics. Super cool 😎

While love is described as an emotion in reality it is nothing more than absolute trust in the other person. So when someone says their heart was broken what they are really saying is that their ability to trust has been completely destroyed.

Great work Chris. I really appreciate the vastness of themes you covered. Not only is it an enjoyable listen , it also helps understand everyday life on a much more deeper level. Keep up the majestic work and i can't wait to see your next interview with Robin Donbar.

Regarding polygyny, he strangely forgot to mention the reason it has worked for most of human history: 1. Invariable preponderance of females to males so rather than one man taking “all” the females, it’s more likely that fewer females get left behind 2. Taking care of war widows. War was an ever-constant throughout much of history. 3. Building strong tribal solidarity.

love Robin's voice and character on the Spotify podcast had to see what he looked like. lovley jovial session here Chris always a pleasure listening to your content!

Robin's my ultimate favorite lecturer

Great episode Robin is one of your best interviews ever. The show off hypothesis, please look up the handicap principal term coined by professor Amotz Zahavi, much more accurate description of the situation.

So exciting to hear the latest hypothesis!

excellent guest

This was awesome. I now have two of his books in the queue

Another fascinating discussion!!🫶🏼

This was interesting, thank you so much. Us humans are so complex and fascinating!

Great episode! Super interesting! I loved you guys chuckling with each others' jokes. That was so funny!

He is spectacular! Please invite him again 🌹

Great work Chris!

The best podcast i have everseen

Great interview and great guest. Very charming man and fascinating to listen to!

A very interesting discussion!

This man's a genius. I'd like to know his hypothesis on why the spectrum of variance on human intelligence is so high given the fact that intelligence is such a high predictor of success. I think it's because it makes forming social hierarchies more simple but I don't know.

Materialistic "Love" is nothing but a manifestation of Power which is fueled by desire. Evolutionary, this kind of infatuation was necessary to build pair bonding for the survival of the offspring. The real Love is the concept that is used by Sufi and Christian Mystics which has nothing to do with materialistic love. It is the essence of being and it is the inter-connected pure consciousness.

Brilliant way to start the podcast, not even having to say who he is, just that he’s is the Dunbar

Bring dr dunbar back on soon! He's great

great show

One of my favorite ep

Very enlighting and humbling at the same time ..... "look how good my genome is" ....phylogeny carried patterns everywhere ....Thank you Chris for your skills in picking speakers and facilitating the sharing :)

Good day everyone

Thanks

Superchill episode! :)

"A particularly wiry little nun." -Chris X Dude, that was the best phrase I have heard all year!!! Awesome!

Very cute podcast!

Thanks!

Jesus H, what a superb guest. Awareness of Dunbars number but not of the man. Charming, personable humorous but most of all intelligently interesting and fluid. Books being bough next Robin.

When is he coming back? So interesting...many thanks

Random question out of left field here, who is the artist for this episodes thumbnail? Thanks for the great conversations and keep kicking ass Chris.

Love helps you to overlook the shortcomings of the other person. It is essential.

I had a thought... what if love is nature's match maker (not necessarily in terms of hierarchy but more so in compatability.) And the reason it doesn't work out most of the time is because we don't know ourselves well enough to do what's good for us in a relationship. This idea/random thought is something I haven't thought through, so any critique would be much appreciated.

Love the podcast Chris subscribed immediately. WRT the telephone study I believe men almost automatically think women like them when they get a simple smile or hello. Imo this nearly automated belief plays into the males need to “chase” the girl. This is a stark contrast to being called by a girl which could be perceived as “what’s wrong with her” or she simply nullifies the game of chase.

Best podcaster in the world !

I worked as an ethologist researching cognition and behavior in chimps and western lowland gorillas. I’d sit and score their behaviors for hours and had a very intimate view of them. The silverback is, imo, much more involved with his offspring than chimps. I’ve seen them regularly play and entertain the kids. He will also resolve tension between the other females. If he can get it away from mom, I’ve seen them take the young kid and gently hold it. There does appear to be a lot of tenderness in them

Robin Dunbar is brilliant. Really enjoyed the conversation, thanks!

Same length!!

Well, this was eye-opening. Why does my index have to be so much shorter than my ring finger. My life has been torture

The more we work on our own selves, the better we attract, in this case, a better partner and a phenomenal relationship. There’s no such thing as the “right person” (to an extend) we have to become the right person first! You got this, I believe in you and invest into YOU! Best investment you can ever do is in yourself for your family, others, future and lives overall! 💯% back guarantee return on your investment! Have a great day! 🚀🎉❤️

So could ovulation kits be faulted for interrupting couple bonding previous to pregnancy?

1:28:30 That explains the creonte culture in BJJ

Very little of these courtship aspects are well described in dating apps, this makes it hard to believe dating apps will ever be as efficient as going to parties or meeting people in person

Here's what I gathered for the simplest way to find a reproductive partner: Find an avenue of "competition" where you have the most genetic advantage. Display your competence through your deeds. Make yourself available to females, choose a female that chooses you. Profit.

I've only had true love for a romantic relationship once in my life. It lasted 7years. All others have been simply crushes or interests but not true love. I don't know if I will ever feel that deeply again for a man.

Pair bonding between dog and master is for life. If he's a good master

chris, i have a question ... so you know they've got these "love languages" but it's such an oversimplification. it's like the personality tests. it's oversimplified. why is it that humans have to put ourselves into boxes and compartments that we just really don't fit in. thank you for all you do sir.

There were a few things that I think Chris should've pushed back on in the discussion: - At one point, Dunbar says that people are secretly smelling babies - as if to evaluate their immune system or something. There's really no good evo-psych reason to claim that. What would be the purpose? The baby is already alive and has the immune system that it has. Nobody learns anything or can make any changes based on any supposed knowledge there. It's not like smelling a potential mate (which could hypothetically affect our mating choices). I straight-up don't believe it. I do agree that people smell babies because they smell different, and it's just a curiosity and humans are naturally curious. But, there's no evo-psych justification for it. - I'm also skeptical of the claim that people smell each other to determine immunology information and that it has more than a negligible effect on dating preference. I doubt that it explains much of anything in terms of human dating preferences, although I do think people might be turned-off by the smell of siblings. That also makes sense evolutionarily, because incest is bad for the child's genetics. (Admittedly, I have heard of cases where biologically related people are separated throughout their life - e.g. dads and daughters, or siblings - who end up meeting and falling for each other, which seems to contradict the idea that scent is a strong incest-avoidance system.) Also, there was a study of couples in Iceland through history, and it was determined that third cousins seemed to have the highest fertility. It was interesting that close relatives and more distant relatives had lower fertility rates than third cousins. Perhaps there's something with being "somewhat familiar" but also "not being too similar" to a potential mate. Also, there was a study of married couples a while back and they discovered there weren't any patterns in how similar or dissimilar their immune systems are, which strongly suggests that we aren't picking partners based on immunological information at all. - I'm sure the whole thing about kissing to exchange bacteria or immune system information is also total bunk. I don't buy that explanation at all. The stuff I mentioned sounds like wild hypothesis that someone dreamed-up with and continues to exist memetically because it's an interesting idea. I think there's quite a bit of stuff like that in modern society, and we should question their validity. It reminds me of that "bumblebees can't fly according to physics" claim that gets tossed around. It exists because it's an interesting thought, and that's why the claim continues to exist, not because there's good science behind it.

So does the shorter index goes for women also? I only hear about this for men. All the men and women have a shorter index in my family.

I love myself, but I cheated on myself with a woman, punched myself in the face, then shouted at myself. She left, and now I don’t talk to myself anymore.

Dunbar seems like good guy to talk to, about everything and nothing

Wine? I thought scotch, like it should be.

🤙👍👏

Didn't you guys see Mel Brooks' The 2000 Year Old Man?

Can we get the videos on Spotify? 😁

1:18:30 This doesn't set with me from an evolutionary perspective. The idea that difficulty becoming pregnant is what leads to strong pair-bonds. Difficulty in getting pregnant could just as easily be overcome by mating with several partners which would not form a robust pair-bond. There must be another explanation.

He is very prideful of his number. The social status is strong with this one.

"Love makes fools of us all" -???

Anyone care to explain why this finger thing came to pass? Why is the index finger an indicator of anything?

"second and fourth" really? Who numbers the FINGERS starting with the THUMB as one? That's like counting the tires on the road starting with the spare.

I have many siblings. I really enjoyed holding them when they were babies because of their pleasant and soothing baby odor.

Quick! Someone tell Lex Fridman about this conversation!

1:08:00 you are looking for different immune system

what about: can humans love robots?

They dont.

Divorce Christ. Haha spot on!

I’ve always thought true honest love was the death of the ego, death of the “me” to give birth to the “we”, obviously not how it seems to work today but that’s how it worked for me

Hmmm stats show globally that monogamy is more practiced heavily (98%) compared to polygamy .

Informative and probably true, but also depressing. This conversation has eroded my faith in human relationship potential.

Let the man complete his sentence ffs Chris

They don't, they just think that they do.

So basically average men throughout history and now are disposable

Makes sense why a fast massage by a hurried distracted massage therapist is so unsatisfying.

Palms down or up? 😂

Also we have disguised polygamy ...high status men in particular who have multiple affairs

So when the ratio of men/women gets too high, Red Bull spontaneously appears. Hilarious.

I cant smell. how fucked am I?

Love is self slavery, for men.

I thought romantic love is a relatively modern idea only a couple hundred years or so.

Could monogamy be an evolutionary byproduct of the need for biodiversity? If only a few males are having multiple kids it increases the risk of incest and genetic defects being passed around, And diseases could easily kill out populations as immunity is passed down slower 🤷‍♂️

Robin doesn’t seem to appreciate the malleability of humans. Dads these days are stepping in far more often to help in the tearing of young children. Especially when female relatives aren’t around to help out.

So basically in the west women will never be happy

Meanwhile in China and India…

I can assure you, lactation does not prevent menstruation in many women.