The Expert: Progress Meeting (Short Comedy Sketch) 

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A project manager is the sort of person that thinks, 3 women can produce one baby in 3 months

75% is also 75 / 100 which means they can produce 75 prototypes and when he's done we can ship the other 25. Its much more efficient than shipping only 3!

This is painful to watch. Especially if you're a real life Anderson.

To anyone wondering, the company is called Electronic Arts.

I wonder what would happen to this company if this guy quits

I feel for Anderson, as a developer I've been in similar non-sensical meetings.

This scenario happened exactly 3 hours ago in our project meeting

What I don't understand is why 90 degrees was the bottom value tested for right angles. I believe an 81 degree right angle would be better. It is 10% more efficient than a 90 degree right angle, and so we could expect it to work perfectly 9 out of 10 times. Alternatively, the right angle problem would have been resolved using a straight angle. R&D should look into developing straight angles. As we all know, in theory, straight angles are ambidextrous, so using them would allow them to be used for both right angle and left angle applications.

I feel like I missed the "Design me a pie chart to show 114%" episode. I can just see how it would have gone down. "Anderson, you seem fixated on circles with this pie-chart problem. You're the expert, I shouldn't have to be creative for you, but maybe you should try a square. Think outside the box a bit." Then, someone else, "Clearly if he can't show 114% with his circle, then he needs a bigger circle. I'm not saying I understand everything Anderson does, but this is obvious. If you need more, make it bigger."

The last piece of the puzzle that is missing - is the Project manager asking for an additional customer requirement: the square will need to be capable to roll with 0 friction. "Just a minor addition".

I do technical stuff that are hard to explain to laypeople in any kind of comprehensive way without explaining like 10 different technologies. Sometimes I have similarly frustrating meetings and interactions at work. I often show these skits to friends and family to explain what those are like for me. I'd gladly support a patreon or whatever to keep these coming!

As a 40 year old engineer I finally understand what getting triggered means. I go through this entirely too often. Art is imitating life in the most brutal and honest way possible.

Get blamed for non-existent problems whilst being ignored when pointing out existent problems. Realism 1000%. These videos make me cry whilst rocking back and forth and laugh like a lunatic at the same time. It is a good thing the Andersons of the world don't resort to violence whilst they're still sane. Wait, is it a good thing?...

10 Rules for being a Project Manager: 1. Always tell the Program Director what they want to hear. Directors do not want to hear the word "No" or "Can't". Strike these words from your vocabulary entirely. 2. Never do anything yourself. Delegate absolutely every task, including the delegation of tasks. That way, you'll always have someone else to blame when things go wrong. 3. If the project is delayed for any reason, fire someone immediately. It doesn't matter who. Do not refill the vacant position. Leave the rest of the work for the other team members to absorb since they don't have enough to do anyway. This will give the Director the impression that you are taking charge and that the delay was not your fault. 4. Do not concern yourself with staying up to date on industry standards and practices. After all, if your company isn't already doing it that way, it must be completely irrelevant. 5. Be sure to take credit for everything your team accomplishes. If they complain, remind them that there is no "I" in "Team" and that the new solution wouldn't have been taken seriously otherwise. (See the movie Working Girl) 6. Make sure you have at least one hour-long, mandatory team meeting every week where you require each team member to produce a PowerPoint slideshow presentation about what they've accomplished so far and outline their "Strategic Work Plan" going forward. This way, team members will be forced to constantly justify their position and prove that they are essential to the project, thereby shielding them from elimination. (See rule #3.) This will also cause them to compete with each other for your favor and approval. 7. Never answer emails from team members. Doing so makes it difficult to gaslight them. Also, do not answer your phone, ever, and do not, under any circumstances, reply to voice mail messages or even listen to them. In fact, it's best to just let them build up until your voicemail box is full and can't accept any more messages. Being inaccessible to your team ensures they will have to figure out any problems on their own without dragging you into the tepid shallows of the piss-filled swimming pool we call "work". 8. Contracting expensive consultants when your own in-house team members are perfectly capable of providing the solutions needed demonstrates how seriously you are taking this project while diminishing the self-confidence of your team and increasing their self-doubt. This way, even if the team comes up with their own solution, you will be able to take credit for having the foresight to bring in an "expert" and makes it easier to require a larger budget for the next project. 9. Be sure to switch to a completely new software program halfway through the project and demand that everyone uses it while refusing to learn anything about it yourself and you continue to use the old program. 10. Your number one priority is to complete the project with as little work possible (by you) and just enough mediocrity to meet all the metrics and justify getting paid while handing it over with enough polish and shine to get praise. To do this, you must learn to exploit and capitalize on the talent and hard work of your team while making sure none of them is a threat to your job. By sharpening and fine-tuning this skill, with each new project, you will quickly rise to a level of ass-kissing and brown-nosing that will perfectly position you to become the next Program Director, where you will get to rub shoulders with executives and board members, travel to flashy trade shows and conventions in exotic locations, take months-long vacations, and sabbaticals, receive large bonuses, stock options, and obtain an enormous corner office, and a parking space. Who knows, you might even become a lobbyist!

I think the most infuriating part of these sketches is slowly realizing that in some situations I'm Anderson and in other situations I'm Anderson's colleagues.

As part of a project that had a promised ship date for a product that wasn't even designed yet, this is all too familiar. One of the funnier/sadder lines came from a "marketing" person in the meeting, when "engineering" said that one of the prototype components was failing in testing, and they couldn't figure out why. "Is this going to affect the ship date?"

Brilliant writing, brilliant acting. He has the perfect WTF face, someone should make a meme out of it. LoL

I sat on a phone call and listened to our CTO tell a client that their project would take three weeks. The rest of us exchanged shocked looks, but waited until after the call to remind him we were swamped for at least 2 months, how could he promise them 3 weeks? "I said it would take 3 weeks, I didn't say when we would start."

What Anderson is missing is a good team lead. As a developer, Anderson should never have been in that meeting. He should have been working on the 'Linear Solutions' project. A good team lead knows how to placate an aggressive project manager while still looking out for the best interest of his/her team.

why on earth do I keep clicking these? they are very upsetting. I feel for poor anderson.

This is painfully accurate.

As much as I love these videos, they make me really angry :D keep it up!

I had a similar "meeting" with one of the managers at work. Guy can't even spell the word software and he was lecturing me (i am a software developer )about how to develop code. I was trying to explain to him how the functions he is using cannot take all the arguments he wants. Programming languages have rules just like every other language out there! It was pointless. He kept telling me to go find some tutorials online to study. 🙄 Business people are the most useless in the industry. Zero actual skills. They are overgrown toddlers that learn a new word everyday and then just repeat it.

Before it was funny. Now I'm just conflicted on whether I should give Anderson a hug or just punch everyone else.

Scary thought : there are people out there who thought this was a perfectly ordinary meeting

He's decided to use the right angle for the square project, and he's getting Anderson to remove any pesky left angles, but he forget to tell Anderson to make sure the lines in the right angle run parallel to each other. ^_^

Before getting my degree: _I can do most things, but not in a professional way._ After I got my degree: _I can somewhat do most things kind of professional, still a lot to learn._ At my first workplace: _Who cares about professionalism, as fast and as cheap as possible is our norm!_ In other words: The employer requires his workforce to have a college or university degree, but then forces them to work the same way they did before getting that degree...

Just like in real life then. 10 office crawlers in suits bragging away with the results left for one single worker to sort out months in advance of the regular predetermined schedule.

The Chinese guy is good actor, really. His face can tell the whole story. Lol.

Check out the previous episodes of The Expert: Square Project! bit.ly/SquareProjectEp1 bit.ly/SquareProjectEp2 Have you seen the original video? Watch The Expert: bit.ly/TheExpertSketch

After 4 years without news, I hope Anderson quit and is living a happier life

We are 75% done, this means 3 out of every 4 ... I died :D :D

After watching all The Expert sketches i just want to hug Anderson and tell him it's all going to be fine.

Squares on wall paper, squares on shirts, on ties, on drinking glasses, out in the hall there are squares everywhere in this video! are you trying to brainwash us? lol Seriously love this series!!

This video makes me aware of the astronomical salary difference between engineers and managers. P.S engineers are way underpaid.

I feel so sorry for Anderson. Cant he get a break just once? maybe meeting someone that isn't a complete tool at the office? (Like a soulmate or another expert from another company?) It just seems like hes ready to jump the building soon xD

Meeting was too short. Never that quick.

1:47 - His utterly confused/stunned face kills me every time.

I love this series so much but it's absolutely infuriating. I can't take it they are so stupid!!

This is an accurate representation of how most game companies publish games?

I feel like Anderson is going to shoot them all one day XD

This is how developers like Bethesda develop their games.

Very well done. A paragon of a progress meeting. We actually train our middle management using your videos in order to streamline our projects. The turnout has increased by 132 percent during the last quarter.

Thank you so much for providing us with more insight into the life of a true expert.

I hate all that wasted paper on a psychological level. Edit: I know that most of it is probably blank and reused, I'm just saying.

I swear this a typical game developer's day. Launch 75% of the game and release the 25% later. Did you say bugs? No, we're experts with decades of experience. Even though we totally outsourced to some startup somewhere.

How much is 23%?

I am getting depression just from watching this video.. :D

This is the 4th or 5th time I've come back to this series to watch it. It never ceases to be funny.

it is funny as a short clip but the reality is not funny at all. This is exactly what is happening in the real world. meaning is lost between words, feelings are lost in psychic games, lives are lost in their essence of being in reciprocity with others.

"That's 9 out of 10" I love how he raised his finger, about to say "actually, no. That's 9 more for every 10." but didn't have time to say anything XD

Wow, that's exactly how my company operates...

Wasn't he suppose to print out the product video ?

This is partially why I switched from engineering to sales. One time I got called into a big meeting with the CEO and he asked, "How many mg can our pump hold?" "Well... it depends on the concentration sir." "AGH! That's exactly what Brian said. Why won't you just tell me how many milligrams are in our pump?"

Poor Anderson - not a team player I guess.....

This is so good, and it is also following a story from each sketch to the next, brilliant! The diabolical thing is how Anderson is called for every meeting only to be never listened to or always contradicted

As a computer programmer, I have been in situations exactly like this one ..

Its been 2years now Recently Which means Anderson finally quitted And I'm Quiet Happy for him I need some news as to what happened to him after watching the entire video They released Its Pretty Hurtful.. And I feel like I wanna help Him that it concerns me.. Live long I hope u have a new job that u most likely Liked

i'm so disappointed …i was really looking forward to seeing that glass wall painted with the blood of marketing middle executives.

I stumbled unto these videos and was totally impressed as they captured the ignorance of the PM and the frustration of the developer.

This is the footage of Mr. Anderson before the Matrix. Now I know the real reason why Anderson took a red pill

This is why my local park was closed for 15 months to do 3 days work.

I feel so much places and reaction in common with Anderson, especially thinking and working in Asia way. Cannot help watch for dozen times, Good job, Lauris. Please keep making such good works!

The trick is not to get emotionally involved and to get blame shifted. A tiny invisible revenge at regular intervals keep the moral up, but in the long run LEAVE!

I have a love-hate relationship with all the expert videos. It's funny because it's true but also kinda painful to watch. Maybe because it triggers bad memories.

I hate corporate talk. I only report positive results if they are actually positive. It's so stupid to fudge around numbers like that. It only buys you a tiny bit of time, if your project is not progressing, you won't magically get it up to speed all of a sudden in a month. Also hate it when people go off script DURING the meeting, makes the rest of us look like fools.

this is not a comedy at all. I would have spit in the project manager's face.

I love how everyone has got so accustomed to the exaggerations of completing "135% of the project!" that they are yawning at it.

That's how Battlefield 2042 got released

This is so true

Marvelous videos guys, really made me laugh (and glad that I recently quit this environment so now it hurts a loss less! More PTSD than an open wound haha) You should put them in a playlist on your channel :)

Lauris and team, Thank you so much for this series! Absolutely brilliant!

Embedded software dev here... I have worked at two companies with very motivated engineering departments... But... The first company I worked at, management placed new fancy features at highest priority, where security and stability features where always of lowest priority. Due to understaffed, 'low priority' is the equivalent of 'happens never'. Meanwhile the same management that creates the prioritization kept asking 'why the companies product' was so unstable and of bad quality. The second company I worked at was even a bigger mess. 1. Nobody there (wanted) to understand the difference between 'embedded & front-end' developers. Even after explaining it like 20 times or so. 2. The mentality of prioritizing form over function. Where I had to waste 75% of my development time trying out each color in a color pallet until the graphical artist knew what he actually wanted. 3. Management giving the engineering department only 6 month's for a 10 month long project. Management also moving 50% of the engineering department staff to another project only 2 months later. 4. Management breaking one of the two prototypes only 3 weeks before deadline ('6' month long project), by trying to plug a mini USB cable into a micro USB slot, ripping the connector (including traces) of the circuit-board. 5. Management approving the designers and graphical artist to disassemble our only (lasting) working prototype 2 weeks before deadline (same project as the previous point). Because of a little (barely visible) error in the paint job. Something they could have fixed 4 months prior. For all information, yes they broke this second (and last) prototype only 2 weeks before deadline. 6. Management blaming the engineering department of bad planning, after the engineering department saved the 'big vip showcase' by frankensteining together a third working prototype (in less than a week) out of the leftovers from the previous (destroyed) two prototypes. (my ex-colleague that still works there keeps the backup prototype in his car to protect it from this Idiocracy). 7. Management starting to outsource engineering because (in their opinion) the internal engineering department doesn't do a good enough job. Where outsourcing is making development actually 5 times slower than before. As a student I would never have guessed my job would be like working for a bunch of mindless toddlers, who have their own head stuck up so far their own buttocks, they think they are geniuses. Now I work for a small startup where there is no (real) management, only the founders (engineers) forced into the function of a manager. Amazing how efficient that is compared to (real) managers...

Lauris, I hope these videos have provided an income to help you escape whatever situation that inspired these videos! This is all too spot on to my current experience and it helps to not feel alone! lol.

I have a variation of this: I call it the "Do It Like We've Always Done It, Just Better". This scenario happens when "The Business" wants something "enterprisey" and "innovative", but the whole process is driven by risk-adverse, non-technical managers who have no idea how such solutions are actually implemented. When the Expert in this case proposes a particular solution, the Business people cherry-pick bits and pieces of the solution to fit their limited understanding of the problem and they crazy glue them onto the prior solution. As meetings continue, it becomes painfully apparent that no true innovation can take place because the Business is not willing to take any real risks. All the Business really wants is a solution similar to what it's always done, just "better".

I love when I heard a manager said, we will hire 2 or 3 more person therefore we can finish the project earlier...

it's funny for me 3 years ago, now it's my reality. I'm pretty sure the manager and the boss goes through the same shit but they got more money and less work time. it's pretty dark joke for me now.

All the department heads trying to outdo eachother by completing 114% of their objectives 90% ahead of schedule is spot on

The CEO had just approved shipping the prototype as the production version, and the best programmer in our company had received 24 hours to justify his apoplectic response. This micro-reasonable response attracted the other stellar, competent programmer to his cubicle next to mine (working on a separate project) for an all-nighter. The periodic expressions of glee were memorable. There was a 150+ page report on the CEOs desk THE NEXT MORNING. Respects, QLB...

I did one of those ridiculous on line interviews yesterday and had to describe a challenging incident. I said that trying to explain engineering to salesmen and accountants was as tough as it got. The rejection email arrived within hours!

In reality, it's even worse. When my friend worked at Apple in middle-management, he told me that they routinely introduced upwards of 10k new processes into production every month with absolutely NO requirement that any of those processes were successfully tested in a QA environment first. His boss thought such a requirement would be stupid (it's a strict requirement where I work). It drove my friend nuts. He eventually quit, because he hated working with high-salary idiots who didn't even know/understand the most basic elements of their jobs. He was actually infamous there for asking his co-workers if they were idiots.

An who do you think will be thrown under the bus when the products don't work?:))

Yet f*ckung again! ... Sorry my French 0o

This must be similar to how Brexit negotiations are going

There has never been a productive meeting on planet Earth. Not one. Every meeting is a waste of time.

These sketches give me panic attacks

Typical company structure. The execs and pencil pushers just can't wait for lunch. These people are so dumb everytime I hear their daily meetings.

Just like most startup.. let the users be the tester 😂

Somebody wonder what would happen with the company, if expert quits. Here we go. We don't hear anything about this company for more then 2 years...

This is one of the best Sketch ever, maybe also because he's relatable with nowadays world with all the technology we have.

PM: Early feedback on the sides of the square project have been positive, so we have decided to add a 5th side to the square project, with another right angle of course. You can handle that within the original delivery schedule, right, Anderson? After all, it is only 1 more side we are talking about here, not 20.

This is TOO REALISTIC! 50% of my eyes are hurting from it (this means my 50 eyes hurts but my other 50 eyes are ok so we can ship them...wait what?!) Oh, I was on similar meeting recently so my perception of reality is still little bit shaken :-))

i was expecting how the outcome of this project (does they failed on the delivery of angles? Is there any competitor who are better on 90 deg design etc.? How they will coupe up if they failed on the "Angle" deliveries? How do they quarrel?) Of course the same actors.

I am IT guy and this shit is so true.

Are you going to make any more videos? Because those were amazing and it's been 4 years 😢

Why did you stop making these skits? They're amazing.

I am starting to be convinced that everyone in corporate management needs to be institutionalized

Hope these videos reach every offices

This is a fantastic example of how you can allow yourself to get taken advantage of if you let fear prevent you from disagreeing or being assertive.