When I was a younger I got excited about dating and now as I go through my 20s I'm just so lost. I don't use social media at all, but it seems the only way to get a relationship started. I kind of expected that guys would ask me out on a date while I was at the library or maybe at a coffee shop or maybe at the social functions in college. But instead they want to do it over text or through an app. (And I'm sure many girls prefer this approach as well) I think our society has not only become more individualistic, but also there is this fear about talking to people. Social anxiety is thrown around everywhere and suddenly everyone is afflicted by it. Not only that, but there's also the fear about harassment/misconduct that girls fear experiencing and guys fear getting accused of. It seems safer just to hookup over an app or online. We're social animals, it's natural for us to want to talk/connect with people and I wish more people understood that instead of demonizing it as "creepy" or "desperate" behavior. Girls only seem to want the attention of a man when they're damn good and ready for it, but that's just not a realistic expectation which is where apps come in. You get the attention and action you want whenever you want it. And in return, you get a really shallow relationship experience (unless that's what you want, go for it!) Anyway I'm getting off my soapbox now. Good luck to everyone else out there trying to keep dating alive lol
We live in a very confused culture. I would say that the majority of singles are dating exclusively to get their needs met without really considering the needs of their date. Those who do NOT date in this way (but are looking for someone with whom they can build a life together) get frustrated and quite disappointed. Please view the TED talk, "The Great Porn Experiment" to see how this is impacting dating.
This was a very interesting subject and the talk, although succinct, touched most bases in the dating dilemma. My hypothesis, from what I understood, is as follows - Humans are social animals, which means although we have all the animal instincts and behaviours, they are tempered/influenced/layered with social graces and nuances, thanks to we being social animals. This could explain why people in the olden times viewed dating/courting as means to marriage, which in turn would lead to offspring. It wasn't just reproduction, but reproduction that was tandem with constructing a social unit (marriage) that helps build our social structure. One also had to deal with face-to-face courting and performing social rituals to win their potential partner's heart. With the entry of technology and a change in our lifestyles (with a sharp bent towards individualism and asocial tendencies), the social aspect of mate-hunting - courting and the included social rituals - wore away, leaving the dry and basic instinct to simply mate and reproduce. Hence, the rise in hook-up culture, FWBs and NSAs and the lack of dating/courting skills. Very few now know what it is to take someone out on a date, how to conduct oneself, how to restrain oneself and how to uphold one's standards. Feminism, economic independence and media might have contributed in worsening the situation, but their roles will have to be investigated and characterised. Finally, I completely agree with his advice on sorting out the dating dilemma; that we have to regain the social aspect of our life. This doesn't mean indulging in social media and online dating, but to meet people in person and ask them out on their face, to phone someone instead of texting and to be receptive to someone's approaches than to call that person a creep or weirdo.
Interesting that the only thoughtful comment in this stream is from a woman, yet the men think women are the problem. Thank you Kathleen for expressing yourself without being perverse, or overtly negative. Be part of the change gentlemen, anger will get you nowhere.
Ten years later an the only rational comments come from Men. Funny how both Women's and Men's views revolve around thinking. But you think Men don't...think. Now that most Men aren't in the dating pool, maybe you should start subscribing more to what Men are think? Nah! You think this coming from someone with no standings. Why listen at all.
T LUCk COmpany maybe you should get a therapist as well to have meaningful conversations with. Unless of course your IQ is low which in this case good for you, saves you money!
Dating is horrible for women over 40. We don't play games, we won't ghost you, we don't need your money, and many (not all) of us are sweet, wise, content, and supportive. Yet, until men cure their preference for sleazy, easy, gold-digging, baby-wanting, stupid young girls who use and abuse them, there will be continued frustration and anger from both genders.
Jane S OMG You are so very right! I haven't felt this bad since middle school. Went online after what I thought was enough to be in the know .BAHAHAH the only difference is now I pay to feel rejected.
LOL so true, Pat Oneill! I no longer do online dating...why pay for the privilege of being treated poorly or just plain disappointed in the options? But you know, there are other things in life to be happy about and engaged in. :)
Jane S what a load of crap. I'm 37, well educated, have many different talents, and a great body from weight lifting, and I'm looking for a wife... I've dated women all the way up to 42, and they've all been frivolous, overly entitled, egotistical, desperately horny, and they all acted as if they thought they still were 25. none of these so called 'mature' women were interested in settling down and didn't realize that their golden years are over and that they can no longer have a child and should just be happy with any man decent man who cares for them. the problem is women, regardless of age, are full of shit and have a huge laundry list of things you want from your partner, yet you don't have even close to the same amount to give back. all you women are busy turning down good guys because he's not 6ft tall or a CEO. yet you don't look in the mirror and see if you kept yourself in shape and how advanced you are in your own career to ask for some rich guy. if you are woman in your 40s and still single it's likely due to one reason, it's you're too damn picky and you're not being realistic about what you have to offer anyone... you are simply putting yourself on a pedestal and that's why you're still single in your 40s. maybe take your head out of the clouds and come down to earth a bit and you might actually find a good man
Honestly he says some funny things, in the most boring way I have heard. His comments coming from someone with a more charasmatic disposition would add greatly.
I doubt its that bad. On the other hand dating has been pretty "anti fun" for men for a long time now. We tend to tolerate it because sex can happen from it. However as "alternative forms of sexual fulfillment" come online, over population increases the stress of city life, and prostitution become normalized the traditional broken strategies for men to get what they really want will tend to fall out of favor. Men are going on strike in a sense.
