The Hardest Year of My Life (and what it taught me) 

Damn, watching a human being open about so personal things is truly empowering. Huge respect man.

“What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one ‘dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.’ -Paulo Coelho The Alchemist

I think we all kinda lose our sense of “why” at some point. All we gotta do is keep going, no matter what we do, and the why will eventually get clearer. What’s the purpose of life? To live every second ✨🙌

Living with a narcissist is so emotionally exhausting. I've lived with one my whole life. It's all about them and their needs; stepping all over your sense of self and turning your self-esteem into dust is what they do best. I feel so disillusioned with life right now, like it's not worth living anymore, since I spent all those years trying to please that narc that I don't know who I am and what I really want to do. And I'm constantly pushing people away because I'd rather not be hurt in any way by anyone again.

I’ve had panic attacks before because I had no idea that I was anxious because I bottled it all up. Then I read that gratitude can help with anxiety, I tried gratitude meditation and I’ve not had them since. They say that it’s almost impossible to feel anxiety and gratitude at the same time. Thank you man! I’m forever grateful for your videos. You make us feel less alone.

It almost feels like everyone has to go through some level of depression to figure out what we want from our life.

One thing I've learned through my life is sometimes quitting (and letting go of something) is a good thing

can we appreciate how far he’s come. his content used to be all videography (which isn’t bad) and now there’s all this personal and intimate insight :’) it’s so nice to see the growth over the years.

*”We have two lives. The second begins when we realise we only have one”* - Confucius Love from a small RU-vidr 💙

I loved this video. It felt like just sitting down and chatting about the moments that have shaped us into who we are today. I think many of us have years or times that we can reflect back on like this. I know I look back on 25 like it was the worst year but the most productive year to show me what I deserve in life and what I don't. Thanks for the reminder that through pain comes growth if you're willing to walk ahead of the shadows!

Nathaniel is helping thousands of people work towards their goals in a way that promotes wellness, not sacrifices wellness. He is giving people a better chance at understanding their lives and making an honest evaluation of it. Very important; thank you Nathaniel.

Sit down storytimes are great! It's like sitting down with a friend with a cuppa. Thanks for sharing your journey. Really resonates sooo much!

I am suacide survivor and disabled 32yo male. Broke my body because of narcissistic abuse explained in your previous video. My self-conficence fall off the cliff. Felt so deep sence of shame that nobody is up to endure. I still suffer from PTSD and daily pain. It's very comforting to know that it can pass with time, although disablility cannot be undone. Thank you for seriousness here.

Having parents who are narcissists. Living in a "third world" country and being socially isolated contribute to the misery and hopelessness and the question "why" that complicate things more.

I'm going through one of those bad periods in my life at the moment. Thank you for making this video. I'm trying to work really hard to fight through it right now and get to a better place and this video helps in a small way on my own journey.

You’ve no idea how understood I felt while watching this video. I’m 20 years old and I have no clue of what the hell is going on. The hole past year is such a blur; I feel like I lost control of absolutely everything, but the worst part, and you put it into words, is that I lost the reasons and I lost the point of why I was doing the things that I was doing. I don’t know what’s going to happen and definitely not know where my life is headed, but is nice to hear that it will no always be this confusing. I guess you’re right, it’s a part of growing up. By the way, I’m sorry that you didn’t have a very pleasant time in Argentina, we would love to have you back!

“It’s okay to not be okay sometimes” Really needed to hear it, thanks for sharing your story, man!

I went through the same experience: 2019 was supposed to be one of the best years of my life, as I had begun a study abroad programme in Paris, but my year was spent recovering from burnout, suffering from depression and feeling numb inside. It was really difficult but it helped me begin my journey of personal development and taught me to take care of myself more

Whenever I watch your videos I feel like I'm becoming more and more wiser with every video. -THANK YOU 🙂

I think what I’ve struggled with the most is that “why”, which is something still hard to make sense of but hopefully one day it will:/

The level of genuine interaction I get from watching this channel is too real. Even though the video is a bit more relaxed, I feel like I am right there with you as a mate. Guess that just speaks to the power of storytelling right?

This affected me so deeply. I find myself on a parallel path-- workaways, narcissists, valuing reflection, travel. Suddenly out in the big bad world. What an articulate and thoughtful portrait of a past version of self. I hope that five years from now I can sit down and recount the connections and trials of life, and continue to strive forward. These sorts of videos make it measurable over time and prompt self awareness in others...myself included. Fantastic.

I'm 19 and I feel like I'm going through the worst year and the best at the same time, and it's sooo reassuring to hear someone who has grown out of it and can look back saying that it had to happen this way ❤️ thanks so much for opening up!!

I'm 18, and I am experiencing the same experience that you had. I just graduated from high school. I decided to get a job first before entering college (i don't have a particular course in mind), and maybe, that way, I can connect with myself again. I don't have any idea about what's going on in my life right now. That's why I am so grateful for this video. I learned a lot. Thank you very much! Thank you for enlightening lost souls like me!😭

Worst phase in our life teaches us most important lessons than a good phase in our lives . I am experiencing it:) Thankyou for sharing Nathaniel❤

We really must give teens and young adult the tools to survive difficult and hostile environments. My young adults years were beyond horrible and it was because of the people I lived with. I have spent the past 5years healing from it. Blessings

I actually feel like im in this place at 18 years old and its comforting to see that you aswell were in a dark period and ended up in such a great place not too long after. Always appreciate your videos man. We dont really know eachother but im sure speaking as a viewer you have many friends who appreciate your existence.

I cannot explain how much I resonate with this video because of where I am now. I was in my kitchen the other day, crying because I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, and I happened to pick up a fortune cookie hanging around from an old takeout order. It said, "Do not wait for others to open the right doors for you." Thank you for encouraging us all to open our own doors. Excited to see what's in store for you :)

I feel like i'm stuck. I decided to take off a semester of school do to burnout, and just feeling like crap. I plan on transferring to a new school but am just confused on what I want to do. This video is relatable.

Nathaniel, I'm a teenager who has been watching your videos for almost a year and a half. I can't tell how much I've learnt from your experiences! especially this one, sometimes we live in a blurry world, you feel like if you're a stranger even if you were among your family and friends, but it's all ok because someday you'll realize that this period of your life was so important to your self-improvement. Thank you so much

I'm so sorry that the time you spent in Argentina was so hard. I know that this country can be very tough (actually, it's never been easy). But also I think that probably it was the time and place you have and will learnt more from, in due time. Nietsche made the famous quote: lo que no me destruye me fortalece. I hope if you ever come back you'll have a better time here. Your videos are consistenly better each time.

Your honesty and authenticity is really encouraging. I love your videos!

"Streangth grows in the moments when you think you can't go on but you keep going anyway." Thank you nathaniel for putting this out you are mentally so strong. I have been feeling this way and your video really came at the right time. Please keep doing this storytime videos this will really help us.

Thank you so much for sharing this with us Nathaniel! When I was 18, depression, anxiety and suicide attempts entered and devastated my world and everything I knew till that point. I was also abroad, also felt super alone, no friends and no one to speak with. So, hearing people share their disadventures really touches me in some type of way. So, thank you

well this is probably the most relatable youtube video I have ever watched, thank you for sharing. It makes me feel a little less alone, grateful for what is and motivated to keep going.

Feeling sadness can be so lethargic and took so much of our energy. I'm glad you're now in a good place, Drew! I love your videos and often replay it, for your deep thoughts & inspiring life journey!

I really needed to hear this right now. Not only have you validated my struggle but to see you on the other side of it, successful and happy, gives me alot of hope. Thank you for sharing.

I sincerely hope that this is the only thing you ever have to go through in your life. It might have been the worst year but it wasn’t bad at all.

Your vulnerability in this video is very inspirational! I think that many of us can relate to many elements of your story in one way or another. Thanks for sharing man!

This piece really encouraged me as someone who is pursuing a path in the creative field without college. I've got to work hard while also not overburdening myself with pressure and realize that these things take time. Thanks, Nathaniel.

Thanks for sharing the most vulnerable moment of your life. I feel like the society has always been telling us that we need to know what we want in our life, but to get there, we have to go through a process, we will struggle and get lost…but not many people talk about it.

Thank you for encouraging us to be real and to embrace our humanity! Transparency is such a big act of self love

man, your openness is so precious and rare - thank you so much!

Thank you for sharing your story, hearing you say " it takes time to process the things that happen to do" really resonated with me. We don't grow up in a day, we're always growing and it helps to hear people share their stories. Thank you!

Can’t even begin to explain how deeply I relate to this story! It’s a beautiful video with well thought out message. Thank you, I’m sure there’s more people that can relate to this than you think there are!

Nathaniel, your story in this video is precisely what I needed to hear. Right now, I am feeling what you felt back in 2016-2017 and I’m struggling big time. But somehow, you have managed to transmit hope for what’s to come. Thank you for this video :)

So glad you brought up these points of learning from painful periods. I’m finally moving on from a phase of my life that’s been so painful and difficult, and even though I know I’ll have very painful moments in this next phase of my life, I’m ecstatic to see what I learn from my new experiences. I loved this laid back feel. Felt like I was at lunch with a friend!

Thank you for sharing so openly. Your experience applies to so many of us, I'm sure, going through all different kinds of things. It is hope-giving to hear you sharing in hindsight. Thank you for the vulnerability and the honesty.

This resonated so much with me. The video felt like a warm comforting hug from a wise person I trust. Thank you

Yes, please do more of this style! Thanks for sharing your story Nathaniel 🙏

I appreciate this so much, thank you for sharing stories like this. This one touched a part of me that believes that just maybe the worst year of my life won't last forever...

I really liked this. I'm in that stage of life right now where I feel lost and I need to figure out what kind of life I want to live. Thank you for letting me know that this was normal :) It really helps a lot

This actually inspired me. Tour videos are my little daily highlights. Tha k you for sticking to what you believe in and what u dreamed of. Always remember, there are a million people always standing behind you

Truly appreciate your authenticity and openness as always. It's so easy to see people on what they've achieved and forget the hardship and challenges they went through to get here. Everyone faces obstacles in their lives, the question is what you decide to do about it. Love the heart and soul you put into your work and thank you for being you.

Salut Nathaniel, je ne sais pas si tu liras un jour ce message. Merci pour ta vidéo. Je te suis depuis longtemps et j'apprécie ta démarche de te montrer comme tu es, un être qui souffre et qui a souffert, qui est passé par de mauvaises expériences sur le moment, mais qui s'en est sorti et qui ne dramatise pas ces moments-là, ni les rend tabou. Chaque nouvelle vidéo que tu fais me fait réfléchir, m'aide aussi à avancer, à apporter d'autres visions ou éléments de réponses aux questions que je me pose, fait écho quelque part. J'aime la vision que tu portes sur le monde, celle que tu transmets par ta caméra. Tu fais parti de ces personnes qu'on aimerait rencontrer et passer du temps avec pour discuter et échanger sur le monde, sur la vie. Hâte de continuer à te voir évoluer, je serai là !

I respect and appreciate you because you were able to talk about it. I’ve barely finished getting through the tough period of my life, and it’s lasted years, but I’m not at all ready to talk about it yet, just because it was extremely personally tough and challenging. So I want to thank you for sharing yours, because it’s given me hope that one day, I’ll be able to share mine.

Wow... thank you for this video man! Not sure if you'll see this comment, or anyone else for that matter... but I've been going through a lot lately and definitely relate to a degree of that lost feeling and feeling like overwhelmed about the future etc.

yes, i made it to the end of the video and i genuinely listened to every sentence you said i even found myself repeating some parts to make sure i get you right ! thank you for these reflections they were super useful !

Thank you for following the path less travelled and following your passion for travel and film making. We wouldn't have your amazing creations if you'd followed society's expectations. We need more people like you! You're an inspiration to so many and I'm so glad you can now look back on the tough times with grace ❤

I’m experiencing not the best times rn & your video is smth not only me, but I’m sure lots of people need to see. It’s just like a reminder that u r not alone. And yes - it’s okay not to be okay. Dark times show us our true power. Thank you, Nathaniel!

I’m currently going through a tough time mentally and I’m learning to find the beauty in those struggles. Future me will be much stronger than before. Appreciate you sharing this means a lot to a lot of us. ♥️

woah, until this day I found out you are the same age as I am. I always thought you were older than me because you're so much wiser and mature in terms of the topics you discuss, I feel so dumb about things sometimes. I was those kids that went to college after high school trying to fight for a role that I didn't even like to begin with. I got a degree as society had expected me to so now I can finally feel like I can do things for myself.

Thank uu for sharing ur story, i had many struggles in the last six years trying to find my path and i learned a lot from it and hearing about your journey gave me strength to keep pushing until i find what is right for me.

You have put all the feelings I’m experiencing these days into words my friend. Your words are a true inspiration 😊🙏🏻

I really appreciate the way you describe your feelings; you describe them without sugar coating or exaggerating.

Love these videos! Thank you so much for sharing. Narcissists bring you to a place on your Heroes journey that show you your own wounds. It’s excruciating, but the truth is within ourselves. Exploring that, rather than remaining paralysed is life changing. You give hope to many that their suffering is ok, and that nothing stays the same. 🙏

Thanks for sharing Nathan!

Thank you so much for being vulnerable and open about your experiences and struggles, I know I needed to hear what you said. Having these conversations is really important and taking that extra step to share with all of us took courage so seriously thank you!

Thank you for your honesty. I'm currently going through my second bout of what you're talking about. Really needed to hear something like this from a stranger. Agreed, it's so important to stop and reflect and kind of let the situation wash over you but remember it will pass and to keep learning and growing. Thanks, all the best to you!

Thank you so much for this. Right now I feel like I’m lost, I feel alone and it’s seems like I can’t feel much. But I know I’m gonna grow from this. Sometimes is difficult to see the thing outside pain but I’m fighting for me to stay, to go through each day. Thank u so much for this video, I don’t feel alone and I feel hopeful. Everyone who’s going through something, I promise you you’re not alone. We are gonna be okay and we are gonna grow into something beautiful.

watching you this past year has helped shift my perspective on content creating. there's something so special about a creator being honest about their lives, lessons, and mistakes. thank you nathaniel and keep it up.

I usually never comment on videos but this video struck a cord very deep, because i am going through the same things as you. I found you because i moved to France and saw your videos about France. I feel the exact same right now. Not being able to find a job, having lived in a toxic environment (in another country too), trying to find my reason for being and feeling very lonely. Thank you for the video, seeing someone in the same situation as me living well now gives me hope

I feel I am going through the same experience you just described. I struggled with two suicide attempts and many isolation issues before and during the pandemic. I felt that in the future making art or movies would feel like this immense library of content that isn't appreciated the way it should be. After that, I am now going back to writing, I'm learning to give speeches and talks, and I'm back into filmmaking. Thanks for having done this video. You are the best.

Thanks for sharing this. As someone living this struggling time of life I can say how comforting it is to hear it.

Wow, I really love how vulnerable and real you've been with this video. I've been through some similar issues and resorted to strange coping skills. On top of that, I felt so much pressure to make a toxic situation work. Thank you for sharing this 🙏 ❤

Thank you for opening up and sharing this with us all. A brave choice to be so vulnerable...bless be for that courage! And what lessons you've learned (and thankfully are sharing!) that have made you so very empathetic!

Beautiful, absolutely inspiring, thank you for sharing!

I love listening to you speak, it feels like having a conversation with a close friend. Thanks so much for sharing this perspective and how you grew from that rough period in your life ❤️ I hope I can reach your level of contentment one day

What you create and share here helps a lot man, thanks for that.

i’ve been a subscriber of your channel for years now and i’ve enjoyed every single video you put out thus far. but i have to say by far this video really speaks to the heart for me. i found myself in a place like yours few years back and i felt so so hopeless. watching this video and looking back,i’m beyond grateful of where i am now. thank you for putting this out ❤️

I think I’m going through this now :-) I loved what you said about it being a natural part of “growing up.” To figure out what’s important to us & what we’d like our life to look like. Thank you

It's refreshing to see someone speak of their experience as the observer, life unraveling itself to help him grow. Such an awesome video!

Your description of how you felt physically and emotionally while trying to make it work under impossible conditions working for a narcissist is the exact way that I felt in a similar experience. It's kind of crazy to look back and see what were those manifestations of that stress, now that I am (mostly) out of that situation. Thanks for sharing!

Thanks for your honesty Nathaniel. Great story.

Always deeply thoughtful. Enjoyed the harp music, too. Thank you.

that's such an awful experience Nathaniel, i'm so sorry, so happy you're out the other side. i really enjoyed this format - you are an excellent storyteller :)

I respect that you are comfortable to open up to share what so many of us have experienced in life. If more of us would be able to do this, the world would be a better place. Many find comfort just hearing others struggles, knowing that someone has made it to the "other side" of such issues. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable.

Thank you for sharing. I'm going through the uncertainty and it's good to hear that time helps

Thanks for sharing Nathaniel ! Your stories are like guiding light to my journey❤️

There are so many parallels in my life and language I haven't had but needed that I'm literally sharing your videos. Thank you is an understatement.

Thanks so much for this Nate, I'm currently 18 and feel like I'm so lost with my own thoughts, past (mistakes), and more. So much encouragement and insight from you. Lova ya man!

This is one of my top faves you have created. I totally relate, have been there countless times & you communicate beautifully on how these experience hits & shapes us. Thank you Nathaniel, I do not feel alone x

felt like i needed to hear this! i resonated a lot with it as last year at 18 I had decided to take a gap year, and have felt the exact same as you described it of feeling lonely and lost questioning if I made the right decision. i’m still learning and it’s just a season of my life but it was reaffirming to hear this. thank you and i’m very proud of you and inspired by you to see where you’ve come from and all that you’re creating.

It feels so real. Really appreciate your openness in sharing and vulnerability here as it is.

I have gone through that narcissistic abuse too. But it does sound like you were depressed, Nathaniel. There’s different levels, and you were definitely showing signs. Thank you for doing this video. It’s helping me.

Thank you for this video... I just needed it! You are an incredible human being and I am learning a lot from you, even being younger than me. Thanks for sharing your emotions and life experiences, it feels like we are friends talking to each other. Grettings from Colombia!

Loved this video! Hearing your struggles makes me feel less alone, when live can be so overwhelming and i feel lost on where im going. Thank you for sharing, I found it very valuable.

Thank you Nathaniel, as always!! 🤍

Thank you Nathaniel. This video couldn't have come at a better time. I have so many hard issues to deal with right now and they just keep cropping up. I am sorry you had to go though such an awful time but it's hopeful to see you have learned from the experience and bravely sharing in order to help others.

Thank you for sharing your worst part of your life. It's good to normalize that we all go through some tough times in our lives and it is not a shame to share it but it rather encourages us to feel more compassionate towards others. For me, this period is teaching me to be a lot more patient with myself and to accept things take time in life. Enjoyed the content, thanks!