Yesterday I got on my hands and knees to pray… to ask God what I should do.
“Speak”
I asked again… God… what should I do?
“Speak”
With my eyes closed I stayed in silence waiting for more… for an explanation…
“Speak”
“Speak!”
This time with a commanding presence being spoken into me…
“SPEAK!”
& that’s when my eyes opened and where I realized how much I was breaking down through this entire process of prayer.
I asked God what I should do and he made it clear… so here it goes.
As a man, a father, a husband, and a leader of people…
It’s hard to be completely raw and vulnerable.
The feeling of shame comes from a MAN who is supposed to have it all together… to be strong… to be wise… to protect… to provide… to motivate… to inspire…
& accepting he was taken advantage of… is a hard pill to swallow.
The constant battle of imposter syndrome of being who I need to be for everyone who counts on me… family, friends, clients… while battling the Goliath in my life right now.
My own inner demons.
A good friend reminded me that this feeling of shame and bottling in all of my rage is the reason why men take their life.
As men… there’s a stigma behind being “WEAK”.
Theres judgement from other men… & how society views men with feelings.
To have to hide our pain…
To hide our hurt…
As much as the world wants to say they support you, there’s always that underlying judgement which causes man to just keep it in.
I’ve lost brothers to their internal battle… where they couldn’t take it anymore and decided permanent silence was the only path forward.
This is for all men who are feeling what I’m feeling that need to KNOW how you FEEL is VALID
& even if you’re broken, beaten, and crying your eyes out - THAT is what makes a STRONG MAN.
I’ve been feeling so broken and beaten being taken advantage of in business…
I’ve questioned my own worth… who I am as an entrepreneur… who I am as a man… a husband… a father…
And I’m so done trying to act like I haven’t been breaking inside for the last 6 months.
I have been silenced from telling my story.
I’ve allowed myself to be silenced from telling my story.
& the story will come out one way or another, best believe I will find a way to share it.
Every day especially the past few months have been a BATTLE to get out of bed…
The weight of the shame of allowing this to happen, guilt from falling from the heavens, and finding my message in this mess…
I’m not gonna lie - I went back to the darkness that’s called to me my entire life. The whispers got so loud so many times.
For those who know the whole story… every single person has cried with me & told me they don’t know how I’ve handled it all… how I am still fighting every day without giving up. How I didn’t pick up alcohol or weed to self medicate.
The only things that have saved me from going back down that dark path…
- Daily prayer and surrendering to God’s will
- My amazing and supportive wife
- My beautiful and loving daughters
- Committing to my program. Meditation. Prayer. Gym. Nutrition. To achieve a new level of self-mastery
- & honestly my clients who are open, honest, and vulnerable with me that give me the opportunity to SERVE my PURPOSE to help them.
If you’re feeling SHAME… or you’ve “fallen from the heavens” in life or business…
Just know I see you & I feel you.
You will get through this.
Just take it one day at a time… brick by brick you will CREATE the path forward.
There is NOTHING to be ashamed of being YOU & FEELING what you FEEL.
All men need to know:
A WEAK man DENIES his feelings
A STRONG man ACCEPTS his feelings
A man who can accept his negative feelings can transmute them into something POWERFUL.
& the first thing he will FORGE from that transmutation is COURAGE.
Here is my example for you with what transmutation looks like.
In the midst of chaos… learn to calm the chaos and the path will become clear.
You’ve got you.
God’s got you.
The real ones in your life got you.
Believe.
Have faith.
Surrender to your purpose.
Much love
Phil
15 сен 2024
