the healing archives 006: Covid-19 and Grief 

I'm so happy you have this support, you are loved, we cant choose who we have, they just come along one at a time. Some sooner then others, some gone sooner than anticipated. I do still have my mom but she has been homeless out here in vegas and has become a toxic relationship (here and there) due to alcohol addiction and her mental disorders from being homeless and stressed out. When she first became homeless I was just 19, now I'm 25 and shes off and on. Surprisingly quarentine has helped her keep a place to stay due to the no eviction placement with our state in Nevada. She has burned almost every bridge with her family and mine now being with my boyfriend and his family for almost 5 years. I cant help but help her because I'm her only child and the only person living in the same state as her but it truely is the hardest relationship I've ever tolerated. Never ending phone calls, her coming to my job and having to call the cops just to get her to stop freaking out, and of course there is always the scent of alcohol. I've seen myself become jealous of people's parents who choose to sober up for their children but I try to remember that she is dealing with so much depressions, & when the suicide threats come in from her, I pray & express to her that I still cant imagine life without her although it is hard for her from day to day. She says she wont do it, but I truely cant imagine myself in her shoes at 54 years old.🥺 Vegas is the worse place to live and have addiction but that can truely be said anywhere around the world. I really appreciate you and I'm just oversharing here because so many times it has felt like I've already lost her even though she is around.. shes has struggled with multiple personalities and addiction since I can remember, I truely appreciate your videos, the funny and "depressing" ones, all of them have made me relate and be grateful to experience your lens and make me remember that this is just one of MANY versions of what could be. 💡💛💡💛💡💡💛💡💛💡💛💡💛💡💛💡💛💡💛💡 you truely make me rethink my demons and what I'm consciously choosing in my day to day, soon I'll get there.

Great to see you. I’m glad you were able to go on your own walk for your mom. Be gentle with yourself. Self-love is an evolutionary process. Love you kiddo.

💜💜💜 sending you so much love! You’re doing great and you should be so proud of yourself girl :) hang in there and absolutely use your support network to build yourself up when you have those tough days. Each day is a new opportunity to grow and it’s crazy how some days you sit back and realize, whoa, that thing I thought would never get better, did, and it’s so awesome to know it’s because of the hard work that was put in. You got this :)))

I love you videos! Keep going girl! I’m sorry about what your going though.

i'm agree with you , i don't want to repeat myself and tell again my story, but yeah, 5 months after the pain is here and deal with it get harder, i don't know why... Take care

I totally relate to having nothing to look forward to in these times. I've also been talking to a therapist but still it's really hard.

I think it helps to think of healing as learning.. The real learning curve doesnt go straight up.. it goes up and down. It is also a circle that helps us to reflect our current state. It might never stop, the unwanted feelings. We can only accept them and learn what to do with them, how to approach them and that helps us to go easier out of a bad time. I trust you that you will get out of it ☺💪

Bell! I’m so happy to see you! Your dedication to healing all while being a light to others is so admirable! Much love and positivity ❤️✨

I had an appointment on the 28th too. Let's keep it together!

Breath, meditate, celebrate in spite of this bizarre global situation. I posted a video today about my postponed party to honor 6 years of sobriety. Thank you for your videos, they are brilliant, brave, and necessary. ✌🏿❤👊🏾👍🏾😊

How about if you had a night where it was dedicated to a game night with your sister to make up for the tattoos being cancelled? That way you have something to look forward to every week until quarantine is over. My husband and I have been implementing that and it’s been really nice. We also have one night a week where we have a movie marathon. Also self love is not an easy thing to do. It takes years of practice which have been working on for years now. Keep your head up lovely. We are all here for you. ❤️