33 years married (entire adult life). Was quite literally and near instantly replaced (as were our 3 grown children ie, our family). 3 and a half years since separation. 2 years since the divorce. Tried a counsellor, but talking about it didn't resolve the hurt and feelings. If I give her more than a moments thought, I'm triggered, and ultimately start crying. Lost, broken and unable to restart my life at 59 years of age is the only way I can describe how I feel. Everything we built and gained together was cruelly taken from me by her choice not mine. got to take nothing but my clothes and a few tools when I left. I tried to protest what was happening in the courtroom, but the judge confirmed that this was her choice. I was faithful and loyal to her and our marriage. I went without things that other men obtained to make sure she was taken care of. In the end, her new man even got Christmas presents she had given to me. Now, I don't have anything in my name. Not even my own place or a vehicle. There has been zero fairness in this entire situation and for the life of me, I cannot get my heart and mind to release this woman. Almost zero contact since it all began, and still she gets to move happily along in life, whilst I feel like hang in freakin perpetual limbo, unable to move forward. Paralyzed.
So sorry to hear of your pain and loss. If it's any encouragement to you, I have the exact same story as yours. Loss everything after 21 years of marriage and everything I worked for my entire adult life. On top of it; I was falsely accused and went to prison for 3.5 years... I lost my employment with the government, my reputation and character was destroyed. Employment is very difficult to gain with a criminal record, so I am flat broke. I am still hurting. Most of all I grieve for a relationship with mh children wjom I was the stay-at-home parent to......Hang in there, one moment at a time, you will get better and you will see the sun shining again.....trust me....
chin up Rev.We all are learning different things at different times.And unfortunately your mrs is learning somthing she will later look back at and realize she took a differnet path possiblely for the wrong reasons.I had a divorce myself,though i was the one who chose it.Helped raise another guys kids for 18 years to be financially abused by her kids.Lyeing ,stealing.Barley even a mention of me at there wedding.But ive learned alittle and am mpveing on with my life.I like the ideas that Rachael has,dont agree men should have extra marrital affairs but its interesting veiw.
Brother you aren’t alone. There’s millions of us going through similar, although your situation does sound terrible :( Try to stay positive, as hard as that is. I’ve struggled with this recently.
Hi Johanness, that's an interesting perspective. I think there may often be some truth to it... though in general it's been my experience working with both men and women that usually neither of them really experience actual love. I think this is largely a fault of our cultural stories, especially in movies and TV, which create pretty messed up definitions of love. What I see with women is that they often mistake attraction for love. In fact, I'd agree with you - they see a man as a great catch and fall for him. They confuse the feelings of desire, passion and security with love. But men make a similar mistake. I often see men becoming deeply attached and even dependent on their identity as a husband, father or provider. They mistake the feeling of "I can't live without you" as love. But that isn't love, it's dependency. The problem with both sexes is that they rarely love one another unconditionally. Men and women are often both emotionally dependent on their partners, and can't feel okay in themselves unless the other person says, does, thinks or feels the right things. It's my opinion that neither a man nor a woman can actually love someone without conditions until they fully love and accept themselves and take complete ownership for themselves emotionally.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Perhaps I am a unicorn! I fall deeply in love. I am fortunate that women like me so there is always another. At this point in my life I am afraid to let go. Thank you for your perspective.
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
One of the main keys that I have learned is (no matter what), make yourself continually do the right thing one second at the time one minute at the time when I were at the time and so on.... And doing the right thing will eventually pay off, you can't go wrong going right and you can't go right going wrong, GOD'S GRACE IS SUFFICIENT, (HOLD ON......)!
After 25 years of marriage, I have been divorced for almost 4 years I break my heart because I have two beautiful children to Angel . I cannot stop thinking about them day and night. Divorce destroyed my dream and my future and then future mentally emotionally and financially we were living very peaceful life Very decent financial wise. I’m going through depression because of my kids and because what we have been through I went through Financial abuser from both side, my family and her family and too much interfering in my marriage and my business. I cannot trust none of my family members anymore,
I've been with two therapist and I just felt judged. I just can't see how anyone can help me unless they've gone through something as hurtful as what I've been through. If I could have (find) casual sex I'd probably feel more hopeful and attractive. I know I sound like a little simp
I don't think you sound like a simp. You simply sound like someone who has gotten caught up in the popular cultural illusion that your emotions and your self worth are created by something outside of yourself. I would argue that all of us get caught up in that illusion sometimes (often for our entire lifetimes). It is the trickiest prison of all to escape because we usually fail to see that we're the jailkeepers ourselves. I'm really sorry to hear that you experienced judgement in therapy. That's certainly not a helpful approach. I can also hear that you are experiencing a lot of internal judgement. I wonder where you learned to judge yourself? That voice that judges you on the inside... whose voice is it?
Attachment Theory In Practice - interesting product placement there. Good video. I was on my soapbox recently and said the quiet part out loud. It was a sad speech. But this video, for better or worse, confirms it was both true and sad. It went like this. "Young man, as you think about marriage do not even doubt you need a prenup to protect you. You are not signing a prenup with the twenty-something earnest girl who wants to marry and have kids and says she will love you forever and divorce is not an option. No brother, no, you are signing a prenup with the 53 year old perimenopausal harpy that popped out a couple kids, can no longer stand the sight of you dressed much less in the bedroom, and now wants half your life's work to go find every thirtysomething with mommy issues to have a tryst with. That is who you are signing a prenup with, the woman she may become. She has no control over who she becomes, all you can do is protect yourself." Great chapter Rachael, lot to think about, a lot of truth.
Now THAT is damned sound advice! If the twenty three year old me could have grasped such a concept it would have been done. Such a thing also serves as a damned good deterrent to her ignorant promiscuity in her fifties. Gonna make damned sure I pass that advice on.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I will get back to you soon. I'm presently attending two different funerals. 1 is my aunt and other a close friend from my teenage years..
I'm going to feel like a million bucks after my divorce is final. After she did everything in her power to completely destroyed my life I cannot wait to start this new chapter of my life without her.
In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth, sex outside of marriage is an absolute sin and is fatal for the soul, it must earnestly be repented of with godly sorrow to do it no more, I appreciate several things you have to say, but we must stay and confines to the holy word of JESUS CHRIST, my wife has been gone for a year and a half after a 30-year marriage ,but I have kept myself pure and I am holding on to God and he will direct my path thank you for your concern for men.
