The Lengths We Go To Avoid Love 

Barrier is because of traumatic past experiences.

Alternatively, barriers could have been internally built against love simply due to one’s own outer perception of what they think love ought to be and not what it is.

@@AccidentlyHero I shared what happened with me. I had a traumatic past.

@@Cos7mos Your experience is valid… Something I’ve come to realize is that when we form these barriers against love, whether it stems from past personal experience via interpersonal neglect or abuse; we in turn begin to withhold from ourselves the capacity of becoming whole and feeling our own love coming out of ourselves for others. I hope this helps soothes whatever has caused your suffering.

@@AccidentlyHero That's so true it's really a painful phase but I'm patient. Tysm God Bless You 😇

🫂

.... and trusting that they won't

then true love will be shown when we both have our arrow aimed directly to each other's hearts, yet both decide to not release the shot

You need to rewatch the video again 🙄

​@@UnseenWhispers420you didn't understand what the person meant, maybe you're the one who needs to reread?

The reason of the fear of vulnerability, is not having a good set of boundaries, or not having boundaries at all, which leads to an eventual hurt after time. And when they get hurt they push people away.

@@waelsaid8185 That might be part of it, but even if you set boundaries, those can still get crossed. That risk is just an inherent part of trying to connect with someone else (so the more risk averse you are, the harder it will be to make meaningful connnections).

@@waelsaid8185No. If you love someone and they love you some boundaries must be charmed away. Not all of them but lots of them which you set with ordinary people. And if you want closeness you have to be vulnerable. No vulnerablity, no real and close connection.

Because love is a ego less phenomenon

🫂

And also a hug for you!

me too ;-;

Same yo

It definitely hit very close to home. Another thing for me to work on.

Well said. No words can explain how important our Early Years are.

I'm still unsure in how I change. Both my parents were toxic

Being here seems like a good indicator that you are doing something right. i like to think that i am malleable regardless of the stage i am in my life. Change is the only constant thing. You sure will change, you gotta decide how you wanna change. I look back on my 23 yo self and think how much i've changed. @@Alfred-lr3td

im kms

💯

YES

jesus... i fear this is me as i used to be cheerful around a lot of people. but ive been hurt so many times by evil women.

​@@PolishBehemoth Same here.

Because most of the time impulse leads to bad decisions. Like girl mocking you for approaching her 😅

Damn I remember the first time I have fallen in love, I remember I was ready to do anything for that person. After things didn't work out, I have fallen into a depression for at least 6 months and when I have managed to get out of that state, I didn't felt the same towards people and for the next experiences I have became much colder in bonding with someone. I think this happens to most of us...

Same. That was the part where I got all choked up.

I feel ya. "Attached" was a fantastic book that helped me understand my love cycle.

After awareness comes action. Time to be single for awhile, while you heal your attachment issues.

Me too 😔

i dont think i heard this. How does getting love make yiu feel trapped

​​@@PolishBehemoth ain't hEARd it unLess/untiL yoU say it aLoud !.

It's happening with me I'm so fucked up 😭

I did this in my last relationship. I tried everything to get away from him but at the same time I didn’t wanna hurt him, so I stayed; until I somehow manipulated myself into falling out of love, and that was my excuse to leave him. I felt horrible during that time, and I felt even worse for feeling like that. I was so confused and ashamed. I’m still ashamed, but I’m not confused anymore. I hope having the knowledge you have now helps you in your journey towards true love. I believe in you dear stranger. 🫂🌹🤍

​@@Cos7mos You’re not fucked up! You didn’t choose to react that way when given love, you learned it at some point; but you have the power to change that and NO ONE, not a single soul, can take that freedom away from you.

@@banglittlechan Thanks a lot Ma'am 🙏💗

@@Cos7mos No worries, I hope you can heal. 🤍🌹

There are many great people in the world you miss out on when you isolate yourself to avoid the bad ines. You should instead build confidence and self esteem and learn to stand up for yourself through the support of others.

@@SKILLz-se5rc ive tried but im done, i only gatther with people with the same liking as me.

There's a song about you, it's called "I am a Rock" by Simon and Garfunkel

@@luisgustavo6117 not a huge simón @ Garfunkel fan but will listen to It.

I can totally resonate with this.

knowing things like this is half the battle. may you be victorious in finding love, and the joy in it.

My fear is that we dicorce, the way my own parents did. Opposite ends of the same problem, very interesting.

You got the deepest message from the video among the rest.

Bahahaha

Same ❤

Yep, that's us. Welcome to the club.

No. You don't have to. We're adults now so we can choose

U don’t have to. This vid was to explain to u what’s going on, it’s up to u to change that and break out of that cycle. Don’t b one of les miserables

​@@thersten What this video describes is called "dismissive avoidant attachment". It's an attachment disorder, that is caused by neglect and/or abuse in early childhood, and we're talking about ages 0-2 here. A child's caregivers cause this before the child is even able to reliably go potty. It's not something that you can decide to leave behind due to your superior intellect. It's a result of actual brain damage at a time, when your baby brain was still in development: The amygdala region is damaged chemically, because it needs love and care to grow properly at that age. If you don't get those things, it fails to form in the way it's supposed to. You acquire an oxytocin shortage, meaning you will have low levels of the main human bonding hormone for the rest of your life. This has physical consequences, for example it can lead to numbness in parts of your body, that work as oxytocin triggers, like nipple$. A woman with low oxytocin can be able to feel something when she touches her own nipple$, but is shut down so severely towards others due to chemical brain damage, that she does not feel anything at all when someone else touches them, for example. This can be in a sexual context, but also affect nursing: She would not physically feel her own baby latching on. Breasts and specifically nipple$ are oxytocin trigger regions, which is why women in 16th century England went bare-breasted to some events (this included the queen) and it was customary for male guests to caress their breasts as a form of greeting. If a woman feels nothing at all when being touched there, that can be due to a lack of oxytocin, i.e. an inability to bond. And when a chemical imbalance in your brain has such severe cobsequences not only for your social life, but for your body's actual ability to feel skin contact, that's not some throwaway quirk, that can be taken care of by sheer willpower. Sadly the 3 forms of insecure attachment require an understanding partner, who is willing to put in some work and help heal the attachment disorder by being more reliable, nurturing and kind than those $hitty parents, that caused the problem. But it's almost impossible to find someone like that. That's why at some point dismissive avoidant people like me simply learn to accept, that we've been damaged when we were absolutely defenseless, and we're being left alone with the consequences and will never have a secure connection with a partner. It's not something we can repair on our own, because if we could, we would do that. After all we're masters of fixing our lives independently.

there is a,solution: hire an EMDR psychologist and listen "Complex PTSD from surviving to thriving " book. hope it helps. worked for me

Or the fear to be used or abused. I agree. The thesis and 2:26 is wrong. Though the cause of the video and the channel is the support of bravery and that is positive. But you should never forget to listen to your gut feeling/intuition.

@@Ueshl7 this is also me

Uuuuuuffff….pffff. That. Explains a lot actually

Or fear of losing love Or fear of not being enough to deserve that love Or fear of love not being real Or fear of being replaced Or fear of being hurt emotionally Or fear of being physically abused again Or…ya get it?

We don't fear rejection. We don't fear what we know. We may expect rejection. The video says we fear a successful relationship because that is unknown.

an hug for you man

Do you ever regret losing her?

still better than told "I don't have reasons to love you" after 6 months

@@eliocepe5270 thanks man but its too late now

@@J.M.. Not really.

Trust me, you won the prize, because the greatest pain for a person is having too good a memory. I want to forget the people I loved.

You need to turn that studying into a job. I suspect you study too widely and a lot of things that might be related but you do not study any deep enough. Figure out what it'll take to get a job in one of the subjects you enjoy studying and focus on studying just that, you already enjoy it. Give yourself 6 moments. Understand that what you want is simple, a peaceful mind, an ability to speak to people without fear and to study things you like. Focus on just those for 3 - 6 months. And handle the rest of your life around that.

@@shiewhun1772 well, currently IT market struggling and it is very hard to get a job if you don't have experience. I am currently working as a freelancer to get a experience. After 6months I start applying to jobs with my experience

A woman, which is what you should be dating in your 20s (not a "girl"), that sees you for who you are and loves that doesn't care if you're poor because you are studying or looking for a job. I dated men in college who were poor students like myself. You can do all sorts of wonderful things with a partner that don't involve any or much money. Pick her some flowers instead of buying them. Ask her to go for a walk or a picnic in a park. Make a sweet card. Silly, sweet little things like that show care. If the woman you want to date is rejecting you because you are pursuing an education while diligently looking for a job and being sweet, kind and attentive to her then you probably don't want to date that person anyway. She has to bring something as well. Anyone who values things that cost money over intimacy, trust, humor, intelligence, wit, etc, is probably not the sort of person you want to be with anyway. Oh, just go watch @thespeechprof

I once read that you should not date someone until you have sorted out your life, that doesn’t mean that it should be like that in all cases, but self-love is also about sorting out our lives, if you meet the right girl along the way it will happen without forcing it, it all will follow suit. Focus on yourself first, I understand life can be chaotic sometimes, and it can bring us down to our knees, but always stand up and be better. Be safe, mate!

@@luiscredidio444 Absolutely not! Dating people gives you that experience you need to learn what you do and do not want/accept to devote towards a forever person. You don't have to sleep around to do this. Just see people.

💔

You can read about attachment theory.

What you judge in others is what you judge in yourself

@@playwithlight357 Very true, otherwise I wouldn't pay this much attention to it...

@@UlasMT goes both ways though - what you love in yourself, you love in others 🤍 focus on loving yourself and your wonderful uniqueness and watch how effortless it becomes to love others for the same reason ✨

@@playwithlight357 That's the thing, I'm really content with who I am as a person and what I look like, but for some reason, there's a disconnection when it comes to meeting potential love interests. I think this is a topic I will discuss with my therapist next week.

I'm 💯 with you on this one. Have a fantastic life and I learnt to love myself. I have everything I need. It is an inside job, looking for someone to make you happy is dangerous and a waste of time

Sometimes I feel great to be alone and enjoy your my company, but sometimes that also make me feel stranded on this planet alone, to see everybody have someone to talk, to laugh, to sit and to live together. I guess we are just human after all, and we all need someone to love, to share, somebody who wait for us, somebody to stand on our side, through bad times and good times. Sometimes we find the wrong people that would just break us, making us stop trying, but I do believe that there are still people that cares about you and want to share a life with you. And at the end of the day, you want to come home to somebody who you share your life with, because life is already tough.

“What is grief if not love persevering”

You should be able to choose to be happy at any time but that doesn't mean external things can't make you happy. We just have to learn to be resilient when and if they don't.

Thank you! 👍

Thank You!

❤

Great story but now I wanna know how the penguin ended up in a desert in the first place lol

@@kalebrice3115 Yeah it's kind of a weird short story. It's from a TV show called Debris. Season 1 episode 9.

Me af girl keep trying

You too! you got this! @@visss2k

Same.. But I recently made a change

Same I don’t trust anyone but myself and because of remote work I don’t have to interact with people if I don’t want to! So peaceful 😊

Me😊

​@@thersten what ?

@@Cos7mos I make connections all the time now. I used to work in a laboratory but, now I work in marketing. I made good friends, I go out dancing, and have gym friends, and I'm more open with my family and open with everyone I meet. Being vulnerable is what helps us understand one another. I've been blown away by all the difficult things that others have struggled with. And I've felt more alive and connected than I've ever felt before.

These videos are great because even when they don't apply to us, they're a great way to learn how other people might feel and think. If we happen to get closer to people like that we might now be able to help them feel safer and more understood 💞

Is this narration Alan?

​@@jh-nl8yfyes that's him.

You could’ve asked him out?

This guy worries more about his financial position.

not a billion times tho

Did you feel the need to share something like that to brag about yourself or?

Don't give up, Pancho! You are doing so many good things to help yourself. Keep going, and someone special will cross your path when you least expect it!

Agree

Do list the parameters for a bare minimum health(mental) to be enough for a romantic relationship, and watch the list with your every actions with your partner, and I'm sure you'll fail with some here and there, and it doesn't make you not eligible for a romantic relationship, it needs more than that is what I'm implying.

@@sriniarivalagan8523 I appreciate your question. To go more into detail. Too many people play games. Getting bored with a long and serious, loving relationship. Is bad too. People don't really talk in a straight forward way.

@@roykalager2360and you’d know about straightforward speech

If you are healthy enough there must be lots of person also healty enough. Why only you? After a bad relationship we feel like this but it's not true. It is impossible that the only healthy person is us in the world.

Same.

Take up Yoga and Pilates classes and you feel better.

Lead with trust. As much as you are comfortable with, maybe a bit more. Share an embarrasing secret. Ask someone to help you, or share a meal with you. Tell someone what makes you mad, or what makes you laugh. And stick to those who wish to trust you as well.

See a mental doctor.