The difference between healthy and unhealthy love | Katie Hood | TED 

*Hits blunt*

sarahc00kies 😂😂😂😂

@@sarahc00kies oldie but goldie😂😂😂

Bianca Bassani I think mine is evolving in a negative way 😔 but I can’t tell if maybe it’s just a rough patch ☹️

@@darkoshmarko Kayla, listennn...if he doesn't seem to care then the "rough patch" ain't worth it. But on an optimistic note, see if you feel like there's still genuine care for each other. Maybe he's worried about something that he can't freely talk about. Let him know your side of situation so he feels comfortable explaining his own. Maybe nothing is over yet. *Talk* . Don't wait for things to fall back in place on their own. The uncertainty will take a toll on your mental health.

Can't agree more. Please remember that your gf/bf is also a human being. Not just YOUR girlfriend/boyfriend.

I agree. Honest introspection should be a part of everyone's life about all things.

Em Bowker i cant agree more.

Well it's been a while since I've posted. Took months of hard decisions and perseverance.....legally devorced last monday.....nothing to be proud of.....but at least I gave aome feedback

Dang yes. I thought I would watch this and see my ex, but I was like whoa.... I do a lot of these😭

Very helpful, thank you for this🙏🙌💙

this really helped me with my homework thank you !!!!

Your the hero we need but don’t deserve

thank you for helping me with a school assignment

thank you

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:(

I'd always try to do it with my ex but he never get it (

Are y'all still together?

all of them? damn! now that's inspirational

Men seldom do any of these things they are ego driven and think rules never applie to them

thanks. now i dont have to watch the rest of the video

Thank you so much for this. Gosh, I got bored 46 seconds in so I decided to check the comments section for the summary. haha. Thank you! ^^

Except for when were lying or dont get our way..also a bit harder depending on who our side chick is at the time or how demanding and needy she is.

@@jonhdetroit2487 Slow down... Some men and some women, some people.

Your introspection is inspiring. Keep up the good work!

Good for you! I’m trying to learn to, I love it when people can recognize that they’re not perfect and need to work on some things in themselves. ♥️

Absolutely!

Also, consider professional therapy. Habits are so hard to break even when you really want to.

Prince Harry should watch this video ASAP! #saveHarry

preach

was watching this video while tears run through. My boyfriend abused our longtime relationship and I've been left so heartbroken. This is crazy

@@jamesevelyn7414 sweetheart I promise it gets better. Stay strong Beautiful!

This was a great comment that I needed to see!

Great comment. My therapist told me healthy love and a healthy partner can seem kind of boring at first especially when you’re used to toxic love.

Same

im proud of you for recognizing your problems though. it takes strength to admit your own faults

be careful that it is not self-doubt

That fact that you can admit that is huge. ☺️

Same

Connor well in that case you can pick up the love skills first, then allow it to happen when you’re ready to apply those skills to people. (And many of us know in the process of leaning love skills, naturally, gradually, we are healed from what hurt us in the first place)

Connor - Wow, Connor. If "humanity" isn't important in the grand scheme of things...what's the point of a scheme at all?

Rhiannon Florence - Well said!

Rhiannon Florence oooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooo

@@barbaramelbourne9914 absolutely. You're right

Thank you 💯 for the reminder

Amen!

i hate Jesus

❤❤ this ❤❤

This relate very much thew the years I can see homeless as a option

That’s what I want to be for my nieces. I wanna be the mature aunt who just keeps everyone safe either in person or through communication online

I don't honestly understand why they don't!

Gosh, YES this is the kind of knowledge and help people really need!

I am watching this for school

agree, abuse get pass down by generation and the cycle never stops

the population would multiply

I’m currently experiencing anxiousness just thinking about my partner (there’s a lot of problems with communication currently). I’m extremely worried that it’s toxic, and that it will never get any better. So far, after a few months of dating (we started as friends), it just seems to have gotten worse. There’s so much more mental stress on me and it’s causing so much anxiety. I don’t know if that’s toxic or just a rough patch. I’ve never been in love before so she is my first ever love, and I’m truly lost on what to do, or whether this is common or not.

@@pattoncase468 hey. So I was going through the exact same. I’ve been in relationships before, but this one, which I kinda ended yesterday, was one of the most real relationships I’ve ever been in. But we hadn’t communicating at all in recent months and communication ironically, was our strongest suit at one point of time. I had faith that he’ll address the elephant in the room, that he will talk about it, but it was getting too much for me and I let myself all out yesterday. I didn’t get my answers, and I love him and miss him, and I now realise, maybe I was suffocating or overwhelming and I want to say sorry but I know I can’t anymore. The truth is, there is no right or wrong, but we can only improve. That’s the least we can do, to learn and to grow and trust the Universe.

@@neetimahajan2374 b hey if you've owned your part and made amends that's all you can do. sometimes circumstances play a part. I hope you two manage to preserve the friendship you had whether you get together or not. I know loss of friendship can really hurt. Just do your best and random humble. Either way good luck and yes trust the universe or God that trumps any relationship. Also your own sound judgment I say this from a place of a 2 hour conversation with a friend today where I persuaded him to hear me out after I don't know how many times and I didn't really deserve it and at the end I almost started crying but I'm so grateful he heard me out and believe we will both be the better for it If that gives you any hope :) certainly not easy though !

@@neetimahajan2374 llllllll

@@neetimahajan2374 o00000000

Lae Brown 🙌🏼 Yes, for example, using the silent treatment as a form of punishment .. like “Oh, he/she pissed me off at dinner so .. nope .. not answering their calls or responding to their texts. Maybe they’ll fucking learn”. - THAT and also ghosting someone. Both psychological abuse. For sure.

What if you ignore someone not as a form of punishment but because you’re hurting and don’t know how to communicate that with the other person for fear that they might not understand?

@@queenmisanthrope that is a massive problem to work in the relationship and personally. You can still explain you have no way or tools to comunicate your emotions, ignoring is not a healthy way to deal with that.

Ignoring is not unhealthy, not allowing your partner to ignore you is unhealthy.

Lizz Von Haver : Just say this “I am hurting and in no position to talk. I will let you know when I’m ready”.

True, and you can't eat unhealthy food if you don't eat.

Diver, Sky even more true.

At midnight on a Greyhound, he thought, "I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know it will be different."

~*day 130 of isolation in my room*~

Well if you don't ride a bike you wont fall of it. If you don't drive a car you won't crash. I think life is about making mistakes and trying again. Not avoiding it. But if you truly feel emotionally satisfied and not just numb, then good for you.

Have you ended? If not.. If both of you love each other and realized that your relationship is unhealthy and feel guilt then you both should practice healthy relationship habits rather than quitting the relationship. And while practicing, have a patience because everything wouldn't be fixed very soon even in months. So keep patience and remind each other of healthy habits and always use positive phrases for the relationship. If you guys really love each other and know the illness of your relationship then it is also worth to seek professional help. Best wishes.

Qq0q

Thanks 🙏 I’m happy for you and your relationship with others 💗

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

Thank you so much! I’m so happy for you!

What if you become addicted to unhealthy love?

@@Rithmy you or whomever needs to ask is unhealthy love making you a better person? Allowing you to grow and pursue goals/dreams etc? If you or that person is not able to be themselves to share with another, then that is not good. Simple question, does this relationship make you feel good all around, joyful, laughs, smiling, and full circle happiness, if not then its not for you. No one is wired for this or supposed to deal with that due to any reason. Even if you were raised up in such a manner that you or that individual feels the need for it, you or them, knows its wrong and unhealthy. Thats where going outside your comfort zone in realizing whats important to you and what actually matters comes in. Then once you or they are ready you can decide to look for that healthy love relationship.

Rithmy maybe it means you need to learn how to love yourself more or not be afraid to be alone

True

Heidi Muller STBB Hi

Thank you for this insight

My mom taught me the same and if I have kids I will do the same. You’re a great mom 💗

Love your honesty Shweta 😊

देर आये दुरुस्त आये. जब जागाे ,तब सबेरा.

Wow. So honest and accepting of responsibility. You’ll make someone very happy someday.

Same

@@EyeHaveaDream changing can be extremely hard

@Xtinaa94 Honey, you learned and learning is how you grow. You can do amazing things when you grow 😊♥️

How are you overcoming this? I’m a similar way.

Xtinaa94 can i talk to you

Andromeda me too....

It’s making your friends or significant others an idol. If you worship that person as if they are perfect they can do no wrong but then they can do no right. The need you have is for the one who IS perfect. When that need is filled you are overflowing and any other love is just a bonus. It’s wonderful that you can recognize idols in your life. It means you can change. The psychopath is someone who cannot see the problem or blames someone else or something outside himself. Healthy minded individuals can have some characteristics like mentally ill but differences between them are, one cannot see the issue in themselves to change.

Absolutely true

XDDD OEUF

Thank u

Sounds exactly like my ex

Intensity = love bombing

Facebook minion memes

It sounds to me like you being a little tough on yourself. Healthy communication is important in any relationship, so you can't really be at fault for wanting to have it. Maybe it was toxic on your side in the sense that you were continuously demanding something that he wasn't willing to give any more?

Absolutely, I feel the pain in her face and voice. I became really sad while watching the video even my eyes were nearly going to cry time to time just because of indirect messages in her voice and expressions. It seems like she is a really tough woman!

How can it be a personal case but not have been in the present or past ? Please do explain

Everyone, or almost everyone, "has been there". It's just part of being human.

I think it's stage fright. This speech seems super practiced like she had to memorize it perfectly to get over the fear of talking. That lack of self-esteem could be caused by abuse though.

Yeah, even her voice sounds hurt.

I was in a very toxic relationship, was very unhappy. my girlfriend was always secretive as well and I couldn't take it any more. I wanted to know exactly what the problem was so I did a research and came across this set of pro-hackers from the dark web.. They got me remote access to her mobile device I was able to read all her texts listen to call, her social media as well.... It was sad that she was cheating with multiple guys I just had to break it off... Sadly. thats the best help I've had and I strongly recommend them..... Email - radardarkweb(via)gmail . com or Call/text +1 (201) 228-0335. Utilized them twice.... Highly effective and entirely beneficial!!!

Ang C can i talk to you

wtf trash friends are you with lol.,

Agreed, without being empathetic and understanding no amount of communication works.

Curtis Hopkins how much

It's very interesting how these things work. In past relationships I would have agreed, but my wife and I started as what we thought would be a one night stand and ever since it's been ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! :) we've traveled the US together for 4 years, helped each other grow and now have a 1 year old daughter. I would have thought this would create a dysfunctional lifestyle or unhealthy relationship but we're best friends, lovers, and awesome parents :)

@@JustinLewisWeb A very cool story. You were made for each other most obviously. I wish you and your wife the best.

this made me so glad bc the term 'marry your best friend' is not cliche. me and my bf have been together for a long time, but we started out as a friend who have deep connection and bond first.

Yes or NO, ive been fished by a covert narcissist but also found a real deep love.

@@JustinLewisWeb Congratulations...you both are probably 1 in 30 million who can pull that off. All the best for you both and your family! :)

If you were a bad person, you wouldn't care. Work on yourself and you'll grow into an amazing person

which habits?

I’m always unlearning unhealthy love habits. The truth is that it is lifelong work and something y’all both or all have to participate in daily. Nothing will ever be perfect but three years after getting married, I respect and love my partner more than the day before and they feel the same(or so I’ve heard.)

Good for you for seeing it!

No man find another person if God wills he/she full fill of your empty heart

Ouch. Yes 😩

Facts. I am DESTROYED. Completely Obliterated, Drained, Empty, Hollow. Imagine giving someone 14yrs of ur Life to make it work & then realizing it was all one sided. I feel so stupid & damaged.

@@CaIiforniaL0VE do self inventory. Own up to erratic behavior, accusations, witholding love, or abandoning the relationship. Any of those?

Hi

Thank u ❤️

Hi Angela

Awe same let's get married and be lonely together

@@CoLiNgErRoW :)

You're not alone in this. Don't give up xx

Try again lad... Never give up on heal-thy love! ❤

Her tone made me cringe

It is admirable to have the self awareness to reflect and to look forward! The fact that you even watch this video is a testament to your own personal growth path. Cheers, Vijeta!

@@taymason Sweet. That is really a very beautiful message. Thanks, Taylor :)

same!

I wish I knew . I can see through now so easily. I could have avoided.

I need to leave, i just don’t know how 😞

@@Leen95M evaporate from his life

crystal grace impossible, i have to end it tactically ...

Great comment

Your story and sharing really inspired me. Thank you for this open-minded sharing.

Thank you for sharing, I am at the same point

I really needed this

You sound crazy, maybe some therapy would help you

@@jasonthegreat5215 and who are you referring too?

I don't know you but I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself.

@@jasminevega1217 was watching this video while tears run through. My boyfriend abused our longtime relationship and I've been left so heartbroken. This is crazy

"I would never cheat" says everyone who goes on to cheat.

@@Miranox2 in my experience, cheaters avoid communication in topics they feel uneasy with, should it progress into a conversation involving them.

@@gammalight1312 woww 👌🏼

The love or pretending to.., can not go together for long??? So called 'love' demands dedication too..if found missing the chattering involved, brings another vaccum.. Common adjustment not permissible, cheating-no, never....a difficult task indeed..way forward is again love or pretend to....

@@Miranox2 true xD

Apologise to them. Not here.

You dont find it. You build it... together.

Hi

Yes, I feel the same now 💕

@@andrewbarone6575 My dad was similar. He is full of self pity that his family abandoned him not realizing how abusive he was with his evil words and control.

I wish I had heard this talk thirty years ago.

You're on the right path ... I hope you will give yourself chances to trust, and I hope your trust will be rewarded and will multiply, and you will have peace and love.

I feel u so much!

Южный

I relate to this so much, it’s scary :(

23. had lots of bad experience.. struggling with this too

A life lesson, rather then a structural one.

Too busy given ya anxiety and depression.

Elise Please! We should learn it at home. Parents should become aware of how important it is to teach our children self love and boundaries.

We really, really should. Some people think this is something to be learned at home with your family, but that doesn't always happen. Some kids are mistreated at home. The lesson some kids are learning at home is that these 5 traits are normal. School is an opportunity to intervene in these cases.

Oh wow that’s so true

Rachel Hope, you're so beautiful and so cute 💓❤🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹and I will be glad to know you

Hi Rachel

Hi dear friend Are you

Sir Sandwich "Attacked" is a strong word. My other two cents is that your introspection is rad.

b1rdkeeper S No that fact she is willing to learn from her mistakes doesnt seem or come off narcissistic to me

What if your spouse cheated on you??? And u found hard evidence and you still let it go because they could have made a mistake. People err and they can change become better. But now it's eating away at your peace of mind.

The topic of what is true and not true love. If your partner cheated on you… that is not love! . Yes it will trigger jealousy and diminish your trust in future relationships. But you were with mr wrong to begin with so don’t make mr right pay for that. This is something you have to get passed because packing jealousy into any future relationship is the most toxic thing you can do in any future relationship. You will eventually find that person in your life who deserves you as a whole rather than only giving a morsel. And not to look for somebody that will compliment your life thoughts actions and goals because they should come from you first. I’ve learned how to control my insecurities . My guy can go chat and dance with the sexiest lady in the club and it doesn’t bother me. Because we love each other enough to know each other to trust each other never lie to one another support each other. Im comfortable with his ex’s and he mine. We feel safe confronting each other on hot topics. Because whatever the case maybe we give no reasoning not to. That is healthy. We will probably binge watch funny movies and have fart wars in bed. We make each other laugh till the milk spays out of our nose. Their has been no betrayals of the heart . I chat with my ex husband on speaker phone cause we are still good friends and share a child. He listens in and jokes with me. We aren’t perfect but healthy. 100% my strengths are his weaknesses and my weaknesses are his strengths that how we complement one another. That balance in nature that healthy relationships require. he dotes on me when I least expect it. I’ve had toxic relationships I’ve experience abuse. I’ve learned a lot about myself and come along way. Now George gets all of me as a whole and not just broken pieces. I hope you can over come the betrayal of the heart so that some day you figure out. You deserve better and you owe it to yourself. Our biggest fight lately has been . He doesn’t let the dogs on the bed. My snuggle bugs. And I miss them on the bed. Either way we have to compromise. So he isn’t in bed. The dogs snuggle me. When he is in bed. Dogs not allowed in the room. May seem petty and trivial but compromise is something you will always have to do in relationships in order to maintain what is a healthy one.

But, then this wouldn't be jealousy this would be verified concern of your partner being dissatisfied in your relationship, especially sexually or perhaps they may have non-monogamous ideologies. Jealousy is overweening and unsubstantiated and so different.

It’s extreme insecurity

You mean, empathize?

@@srivarenya862 Yes. My phone hates me...

@@elinope4745 yeah, no problem :)

👍

The killing themselves one is text book abuse behaviour

Going through something similar. She hasn’t treated to Jill herself but has crazy panic attacks when I even mention breaking up

I wish you the absolute best