The Lost One's Weeping (English Cover) 【Will Stetson】「ロストワンの号哭」

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A song about what we threw away.
Support me on Patreon! / willstetson
Credits:
Original: Neru ( • Neru - ロストワンの号哭(Lost O... )
Vocals: Will Stetson
Mix: Dictate
Lyrics/Sub: David Toth
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#Neru #TheLostOnesWeeping #ロストワンの号哭 #EnglishCover
Lyrics:
Swinging knives of lies now only brings me pain
As they dig around and tear so deep into my veins
A pathetic love that’s spilt unto the ground
The things that I had loved all turned their back and laugh at me now
No Fiction…
The maths and science I like the best of all
Cause when thinking round to English my skin starts to crawl
Looking back now to sort out just which one was right
Every answer I sought had vanished far from my sight.
The homework today is, about me Mr. Faceless,
so simple I don’t know how, I guess that’s just my life now,
But then sometimes I wonder--thinking always I wonder
Why we say we’re lonely, as I scream to hold me
Can you read to me the Kanji written up on the board?
Can you read all of the words within this heart that is torn?
And who stepped in this heart and dyed it all into black?
Now who could it be?
Now who could it be?
Can you solve all these equations using an abacus?
Can you loosen up the noose that is constricting our trust?
Can we keep on moving forward down this long painful road?
Now come tell me how
I don’t give a damn now!
And no matter how much time passes us by,
We’re drunk on sweet and hypnotic lies.
With all our sources of hardened pride
We try to erase and hide now
The homework I can’t take, no answer there is no way
I’m through I never knew how, I guess that’s just my life now,
But then sometimes I wonder, why our hearts close off and stutter
and we all close our eyes, and we wish we’d just die.
Can you read to me Kanji written up on the board?
Can you read all of the words within this heart that is torn?
And who stepped in this heart and dyed it all into black?
Now who could it be?
Now who could it be?
Can you solve all these equations using an abacus?
Can you loosen up the noose that is constricting our trust?
Can we keep on moving forward down this long painful road?
Now come tell me how
Now come tell me how
Come read to me the formula for area next
Come and list all of the dreams that you once had in your head
And the one that went and dumped all of those dreams down the drain
Now who could it be?
It’s just as it seems
Tell me when will you finally grow up like they say?
Tell me what the hell does it mean to go grow up anyway?
Tell me where can I turn to find the answers I need?
Now come tell me how
I don’t give a damn now!

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Опубликовано:

28 дек 2019

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Комментарии : 843

@TheRealGuywithoutaMustache 4 года назад

Will Stetson: (Makes a god tier cover) Me: Just as expected. It was all part of my plan.

@anonymous6084 4 года назад

I swear I just saw you're comment from another video.

@soulzz7016 4 года назад

Bro what anime channels do you frequent coz I’ve seen you around so much in the past few days

@user-dg3jh7ot6n 4 года назад

i see u in every time in the comments bro WTF is your secret?

@blueSeele 4 года назад

All according to keikaku

@herrscherofsweets9583 4 года назад

Jubyphonic is shaking

@ventiyumyum5748 4 года назад

I’m still waiting for a Neru song that doesn’t feature flying desks

@inverted5712 4 года назад

Snobbism

@supermariobasti 4 года назад

Dappou rock

@AzenHawke 4 года назад

'Whatever, whatever, whatever'

@rondospectacle 4 года назад

Megan Miku “I’m not your agitator” A lot of older neru songs deal with school, now it’s just about empty adult life.

@ventiyumyum5748 4 года назад

Natoeri // ンアトエリ guess my guy grew up

@shinonitta3455 4 года назад

* Winter break is almost over and school’s starting up again * Will: * Releases this * Me with tears in my eyes: “poggers”

@REALcrizon 4 года назад

same

@xserotonin.deficiencyx2930 4 года назад

SAME!

@deditor7867 4 года назад

Can anyone please explain what poggers means? ;w;

@aprototype1229 4 года назад

@@deditor7867 it means "nice" or "good" basically ^^

@deditor7867 4 года назад

@@aprototype1229 Thank you!

@BlueStatice_ 4 года назад

Raise your hand if you related to this song during your school time. ✋🏻✋🏻✋🏻

@mellymochi5778 4 года назад

BlueStatice I don’t even know what to say... not only do you have Elliot as your profile picture but your name is even BlueStatice oh my god I love you

@wonton5656 4 года назад

pandora hearts gang rise up

@BlueStatice_ 4 года назад

@@mellymochi5778 finally someone who understood my name and its reference without an explanation! 💙🙏🏻

@juliewinchester1488 4 года назад

E d G y Legit though the first time I listened to this song I kinda had a mental breakdown because of how relatable it was oof

@candyofficial6688 4 года назад

✋🤚 * raises feet too *

@blade__river1699 4 года назад

The sad thing is, the boy takes his shoes off at the end, which people in Japan do before they commit suicide.

@user-gh2sc6fl7k 3 года назад

oh-

@arazihni113 2 года назад

In the other words, the boy in the pv commits suicide?

@daze.png_ 2 года назад

damn

@blufyres 4 месяца назад

@@arazihni113Literally every song i like has to be about suicide, huh 💀

@SeventheSquib 2 месяца назад

@@blufyres yeah I feel that, we’re in the same boat 🥲

@A1t3ra 4 года назад

Welp..time to sing this at the school talents show

@justpassingby671 3 года назад

Good luck

@grayjin5126 3 года назад

I have no confidence to do that-

@grayjin5126 3 года назад

GOOD LUCK CHAMP!

@Detec_ 3 года назад

POGchamp

@ratticustheemperor 3 года назад

POG

@dolostrickery9151 4 года назад

OH GOD OH GOD IT'S HAPPENING IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING!!!

@aisuruhito2515 4 года назад

IT IS HAPPENING BOYS LET'S GOOOOOO

@flaviusofthewest 4 года назад

EVERYBODY STAY CALM! STAY FUCKING CALM!

@Detec_ 4 года назад

OH MY GOD

@welcometothesaltyspitoon 4 года назад

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

@eclipse_eternal8178 4 года назад

IM A BIT LATE BUT EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

@nope6404 4 года назад

yay song before next decade Press F to pay respects for 2010s

@megadiancie751 4 года назад

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@idrinkpastaforaliving_6269 4 года назад

@LostGirl04 4 года назад

@funyarinpamaster 4 года назад

n8tato F

@Detec_ 4 года назад

@eliascollier4774 4 года назад

Expectations? Exceeded Lyrics? On point Vocals? Amazing The lost ones? Weeping This meme format? Deceased. Hotel? Trivago

@ilonachan 4 года назад

T H E N E C R O M A N C E R

@ao2415 4 года назад

Cringe? 100

@eliascollier4774 4 года назад

@@ao2415 now ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: Who asked (Feat: Nobody) ───────────⚪────── ◄◄⠀▐▐⠀►► 𝟸:𝟷𝟾 / 𝟹:𝟻𝟼⠀───○ 🔊 -Nah I'm joking-

@DiversionG 4 года назад

Tacos? Indeed

@Detec_ 4 года назад

Just Monika... Just Monika just Monika just Monika just Monika just monika

@watermelonsugar1447 4 года назад

I'm so used to Juby's lyrics I try to sing along but just *can't* *I love these lyrics tho*

@jenwen3834 4 года назад

Kanakari same

@RustySpoke 4 года назад

I’ve come from years of just and maybe a couple months of will and I can safely say that both are on that next tier level that god can’t express

@Criying 4 года назад

same-

@bobbertsnaco5129 4 года назад

same but will's voice and lyrics just let him nail every cover he makes

@ghostie5923 3 года назад

Ikr, I loved Juby’s lyrics but these really took me off guard and pleasantly surprised

@pyukumuku-6645 3 года назад

"We're drunk on sweet and hypnotic lies" You're such a good child! You're so smart! You're so well-behaved! You'll do great things in your life! You follow directions very well! You're a slave!

@storiesthroughnumbers4111 2 года назад

There's a difference between not being a slave and being a lazy asshole. I see so many of them at my school.

@pyukumuku-6645 2 года назад

@@storiesthroughnumbers4111 bro, repeat it for the folks in the back!!!

@whyareallmynamestaken1382 Год назад

That last statement honestly felt a gut punch

@Orangekid65 Год назад

I think you forgot about the "lies" part when you got to the last line there.

@persontheguy Год назад

classic

@user-ch1cy1dk3x 3 года назад

日本人にとっては国語＝日本語だから、国語＝English になってることに一瞬びっくりした歌、めちゃくちゃ良いです👍

@nutella7162 4 года назад

I choked on my kinder egg when I saw this what a madlad. If you also do Hated by life itself I will be one happy uni student.

@skia6753 4 года назад

I second that, we need more Hated by Life covers

@no698 4 года назад

oh my Fucking GOD, I THIRD THAT

@blindmouse1613 3 года назад

I fifth that

@bob_the_rubber 3 года назад

Sixth that

@yugiamane673 3 года назад

I 7th that

@chibimaster7819 4 года назад

I’m not emotionally prepared for this Edit: I was right, NOT EMOTIONALLY PREPARED HIS VOICE IS TOO POWERFUL

@sayu5834 4 года назад

Then *prepare yourself.*

@davidelin7680 6 месяцев назад

@@sayu5834 *prepare thyself*

@kiring2297 4 года назад

Will. This made my day. In a dark time where I don’t have many friends, your covers give me life. Thank you so much. I’m going to repeat myself from another video. But this is honest. Will, we all love you. Thank you for breathing life into this community, and thank you for blessing us with your voice.

@atssh7980 4 года назад

I can be your friend for 1 day if you want

@kiring2297 4 года назад

That’s very nice of you! Thank you! ^^

@atssh7980 4 года назад

Add me on Discord atssh#0001 then I could be your friend

@howdyhey Год назад

@@kiring2297 yo need another freind or just someone to listen to you?

@ruispen Год назад

i hope you're in a better place now

@tsopaira1313 4 года назад

Nobody: Will: The Lost One's Weeping Everybody: This mans really doing it

@Kai-hi2ii 4 года назад

But he is really doing it :)

@RaikiPau 4 года назад

@@Kai-hi2ii Yes. :)

@requiem9288 4 года назад

oh boy here comes a banger

@willstetson 4 года назад

www.patreon.com/willstetson support for more quality content , also yeah follow my twitter too twitter.com/stillwetson if neru sees this ily

@dustinmorton6336 4 года назад

Great as always, love to see you do Abstract Nonsense next, or Teo

@princeoliverio43 4 года назад

Hey will can u do a swing arrangement of the opening of Oresuki??

@eunac3037 4 года назад

The classic song by GYARI about a girl who force feeds he older sister chocomint ice flavoured food- (AKA chocomint ice- GYARI)

@brunobavarescodasilv 4 года назад

Hey there, I have a question: How accurate is the translation you used? I know nothing of japanese, so I can't say. But I heard a cover of the song by Lizz Robinett before and the lyric is a bit different, so I am just curious. Not comparring tho, I really like both version and you did a great job! ^-^ (By the way, I have been spending a lot of time hearing your covers, specially "That is why I gave up on music" and "Quiet Room", so thanks for existing I guess) cya *peace out*

@eunac3037 4 года назад

@@brunobavarescodasilv Sometimes, the covers from this channel changes the lyrics just a bit, it makes it more poetic, and it usually makes it easier to rhyme, aswell as captures the lyrics, in my opinion, way better than a literal translation.

@marimush1257 4 года назад

That live chat was wild yo This cover is just pure perfection!!!! Thank you father for this meal

@mmhh6113 3 года назад

I'm soooo glad to find this video! I'm one of Japanese, and I want everyone listenning to it to listen to original song in Japanese! This is popular among Japanese fans of "VOCALOID" or of songs sung by vocaloid. P.S. my English is probably not good, so please tell me my mistakes!

@missavocado4696 3 года назад

Your English is fine :D Exept this isn't a movie. It's a video. :)

@mmhh6113 3 года назад

@@missavocado4696 Thank you!:) I'll study hard more!

@lazywriter1665 3 года назад

You accidentally put 3 n's in listening

@lazywriter1665 3 года назад

You did very well

@honey2826 3 года назад

I love both versions!!

@filthy_banisu524 4 года назад

it’s so refreshing to hear a male cover, I love this

@daze.png_ 2 года назад

1:03 I love the “today is about me mr. faceless” part is just sounds so good!

@deviled1775 2 года назад

"Swinging knives of lies now only brings me pain As they dig around and tear so deep into my veins A pathetic love that’s spilt unto the ground The things that I had loved all turned their back and laugh at me now No Fiction… The maths and science I like the best of all Cause when thinking round to English my skin starts to crawl Looking back now to sort out just which one was right Every answer I sought had vanished far from my sight. The homework today is, about me Mr. Faceless, so simple I don’t know how, I guess that’s just my life now, But then sometimes I wonder--thinking always I wonder Why we say we’re lonely, as I scream to hold me Can you read to me the Kanji written up on the board? Can you read all of the words within this heart that is torn? And who stepped in this heart and dyed it all into black? Now who could it be? Now who could it be? Can you solve all these equations using an abacus? Can you loosen up the noose that is constricting our trust? Can we keep on moving forward down this long painful road? Now come tell me how I don’t give a damn now! And no matter how much time passes us by, We’re drunk on sweet and hypnotic lies. With all our sources of hardened pride We try to erase and hide now The homework I can’t take, no answer there is no way I’m through I never knew how, I guess that’s just my life now, But then sometimes I wonder, why our hearts close off and stutter and we all close our eyes, and we wish we’d just die. Can you read to me Kanji written up on the board? Can you read all of the words within this heart that is torn? And who stepped in this heart and dyed it all into black? Now who could it be? Now who could it be? Can you solve all these equations using an abacus? Can you loosen up the noose that is constricting our trust? Can we keep on moving forward down this long painful road? Now come tell me how Now come tell me how Come read to me the formula for area next Come and list all of the dreams that you once had in your head And the one that went and dumped all of those dreams down the drain Now who could it be? It’s just as it seems Tell me when will you finally grow up like they say? Tell me what the hell does it mean to go grow up anyway? Tell me where can I turn to find the answers I need? Now come tell me how I don’t give a damn now!" -cool song

@gameeplay Месяц назад

You saved mah life brotha🔥

@SweetSinger789 4 года назад

I love this song. It conveys such emotions that we can never express in society. I remember relating to this a few years ago and it's strange how I can still relate to it now.

@LishaClose 4 года назад

I would love a Hated by life itself cover tbh This is 🔥 though

@cordalepigrum4501 4 года назад

There’s a cover by someone named Oktavia on youtube if you’re interested in that

@thatonegaminglatias4345 2 года назад

Will's done it now!

@tbhk_hailey-san6745 3 года назад

“We all close our eyes and wish we’d just die” Me: *deep relatable sigh*

@wibufisika9606 4 года назад

That "die" before the second chorus is killing me

@Kishuxx 6 месяцев назад

I've been listening to this song for so long, I js want it to come out on spotify 😭

@user-xb1qm7uy1m 6 месяцев назад

omg me tooooo

@ghostie5923 3 года назад

Well done my dude, the vocals were great, lyrics caught me off guard but in a good way. I’m used to Juby’s and the original lyrics but these surprised me at just how well they fit the song. Overall, great cover and props to you.

@alexking8467 4 года назад

This song hits a lot harder after you graduate through a video call and realize you have no idea what's gonna come next.

@d4nnim 4 года назад

the thing I love about in your songs is you can feel the emotion your voice when you sing. thank you for your great covers this year man. wish you all the best in 2020, we'll be supporting you!

@emlynch201168 4 года назад

I've been wanting this for so long HELL YA. THANK YOU

@0Clewi0 4 года назад

one of my old favorites

@RandomPerson-ks3ql 4 года назад

This whole cover was amazing! This is the best English cover I've ever heard!

@null4449 4 года назад

being able to sing this song of all songs you could sing just verifies will stetson as a god tbh edit: that was amazing you are so good will :'|

@desanton6225 4 года назад

Opened RU-vid and this was in my recommended, suffice to say I've never been more excited to see a cover in my life. Amazing job, Will!

@Klausish 4 года назад

David at it again with lyrics that blow me away... Like we get so used to other covers and new lyrics can throw us off... But David always brings something magical to lyrics.

@morpherthewolf6755 4 года назад

This was always one of my favorite vocal pod songs! Happy to see you cover it!

@nathanielsearle9822 4 года назад

Another absolutely powerful banger as usual Will. There's always so much emotion in your voice and it always makes these covers like 1000% better. Keep up the great work

@diamandcows9671 4 года назад

Holy shit but like is it a piano or high energy version

@tsopaira1313 4 года назад

I'm wondering too

@taylorgoodenoughify 4 года назад

It says Neru (well obviously Neru made it) but I'm assuming it's the original high energy version. The same art and stuff from it are used in the thumbnail. Who knows. Could be wrong..

@tsopaira1313 4 года назад

@@taylorgoodenoughify Yeah, also it doesn't say piano version in title. Will does specify his acoustic covers.

@deditor7867 4 года назад

This is the original version.

@LostGirl04 4 года назад

Lol, this is the original version.

@ing7dar 4 года назад

This is stunning! Lost ones weeping has always been a classic and a fav of mine and I’m not disappointed in the slightest. good job!!

@satanikbunny 4 года назад

Will. you're my gOD. Awesome cover, as always!💕

@coreysingsanime 8 месяцев назад

Fucking awesome dude

@smooollama5391 4 года назад

It is so good... I heard many covers of this song, but I love this one. You have wonderful voice!

@yukichan8974 3 месяца назад

Who’s still here 2024? I bet it’s just me. Anyways, I was listening to shinunoga-e-wa and I saw the English version on this channel, and then it reminded me of this song, but I forgot the title and scrolled through this channel very thoroughly till I found it again

@salemmarz3809 4 года назад

one of my favorite vocaloid songs, and you totally nailed it! this is amazing!

@wrenussy4755 4 года назад

You don't understand how many times im gonna be replaying this, its too good

@averyhappynobody8822 4 года назад

Another magnificent cover like usual! Thanks a bunch for singing this, and I hope you had a fun time doing so! Also, thanks to David for another set of really good lyrics!

@mrsynestral24 4 года назад

You always keep covering my fav songs wtf ur a blessing

@jumptydumptymilkh8107 3 года назад

THIS COVER IS PROBS THE BEST IVE HEARD OML YOUR VOICE IS JUST MAGICAL

@tongarfrunchy9019 3 года назад

Will you goddamn legend I've been obsessing over this song for so long but I see this just now? How dare I Great job as always dude

@CHOPPY0101 6 месяцев назад

Children are seen as "kids that don't know better" but we do. We have feelings, thoughts, and we have a voice. When a child comes to the principal, the principal thinks of them as a "problem that needs to be solved" they don't see us as people. We're basically slaves and puppets. We have feelings.

@zhchee7734 4 года назад

One of Neru's classics indeed :)

@ZeldaNerd137 4 года назад

Aaah, this was one of my first vocaloid songs and I fell in love instantly... Awesome cover!!

@drakibble2199 4 года назад

Ooh, so this was the classic you were hinting at! Your cover is amazing by the way. I never realized that you never done this one before

@theTheoryofEvil 4 года назад

Thank you for the amazing cover!

@mortisdementis4782 Год назад

After 3 years this still gives me goosebumps

@user-rp5bu6vv8f Год назад

すこすこのすこ

@Pomme.688 2 года назад

かっこいい

@itspipotyme 4 года назад

Will is a savage. Dropping this before school starts again

@unchimerable 3 года назад

AAAH THE LYRICS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!!! All the other English covers use Jubyphonic's lyrics, which is quuuuite inaccurate. But this!!! It's so on-point. Thank you, David Toth!!!

@jaysandravens7823 4 года назад

The last couple verses literally give me life,, Will thank you you have blessed our ears 💖

@TedRLY 4 года назад

Amazing song man, you're so talented I cant even-

@libbythomas2127 4 года назад

You are so good! I've heard many covers of this as it's my favorite song. Your voice is amazing for it! ❤️

@Un_prønøunceable 3 года назад

Reminds me of Karma from the dubbed assassination classroom and his past with garbage teachers. Even kinda sounds like him.

@sadgreenelf 2 года назад

REEEE KARMA

@furiousgarfer4991 4 года назад

Will, you never cease to amaze me

@fayviolet5710 4 года назад

That little scream at 2:37 is amazing, Will! Very nice cover :]

@flandrecat1954 Год назад

過不足ない　不自由ないのところ2番で歌詞変えてるの最高でしょ…。

@SoulonFire13 4 года назад

Your voice is perfect for this song amd I'm so glad you covered it! One of my favorites

@legendeOfDragon 4 года назад

You have a really cool singing voice! I really enjoy your covers!

@X3Mapany 3 года назад

About an hour ago my head went like "time to dive deep into your Vocaloid phase again". I remember how I searched for an english version of this song where I really liked the vocals, but didn't quite find one that caught me. But now, after seven years... you, my friend, filled that role. holy fuck, this blew me away. I fucking LOVE the way you sing. Amazing, amazing AMAZING cover.

@jaythepotato7764 4 года назад

AAAAAAAAA IM SO HAPPY THIS IS MY FAVORITE SONG AND ONE OF MY FAVORITE ARTISTS ON RU-vid IS COVERING IT??? IM GOING TO TAKE THIS AS A LATE CHRISTMAS GIFT AHSJAIAKEJSHS If Will sees this ily UwU

@jaythepotato7764 4 года назад

JUST WATCHED IT AND HOLLLYYYYYYY CRAP THAT ISBW WISNELSNKEKEHDIWKWNBDJFWLSMJEOSNXCVSKNWSIDNWHWKSKKSNDJRKEKD AAAAAAAAAAAAAA YOU’Re SO AMAZING KEEP DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING WILL

@wasabistreetfighter519 3 года назад

if Jay The Potato sees this ily OwO

@jaythepotato7764 3 года назад

@@wasabistreetfighter519 Lolol hiya!! Ily too lmao

@covet.323 Год назад

Idk who you are but i also ly EwE

@jaythepotato7764 6 месяцев назад

@@covet.323omggg I’m so famous ily2

@DeathAngelSuki 4 года назад

Thank you for doing a cover of this song that wasn't squealy! I do like the higher pitch version as well, and some of the covers that follow along the same style, but this was a very refreshing cover that had a good build in pitch without it becoming shreiks. Thank you and great job 👌

@burythecastlegames 3 года назад

Dec 29th: My birthday Will: *Want vocaloid?* Me: *_Hell yes_*

@midvamp 4 года назад

YESSSS you’re back at it again!!! I love your English covers and this song sooo much

@mystikalgalaxy 4 года назад

Me: * Suffering because winter break is almost over, I haven't worked on my essay a single bit. * Will: * Releases a classic. * Me: Is this a sign? Well, it's not going to work! Update: It's actually working. Thank you. You're saving my grade here, oh holy one. I just don't know how to start now. ;u;

@Detec_ 4 года назад

Oof

@libraeevee9467 2 года назад

I just started my school year

@Rainth_ 4 года назад

Thank you so much for this, you're amazing!!

@biszcuitboys 4 года назад

:0 this is one of the best English covers I’ve seen of this song!! Your voice is great!!

@jenniferlee9577 4 года назад

oh lordy will really did lost one’s weeping i am EXCITED

@Everf1nity 4 года назад

yeesssss this is gonna be good!!

@Just_Paulo 4 года назад

Best cover of this song. Amazing work

@grafyad 3 года назад

⚠️TW: Selfharm, Eating Disorder, Attempted Suicide, Abusive Relationship/Pedophilia, Drugs⚠️ I'm actually a pretty smart student. I never failed a test in middleschool. I was one of the best students in the whole school. I live in Switzerland where you're in middle school from first to sixth grade. I already started to have problems in 6th grade, but it wasn't that bad. When it really started to shatter, was when I got into 7th grade. We have a school system where you either go into "Realklasse" (which is for students that want or need a slower paste and "easier" tests. Doesn't mean they're not intelligent.) Or "Sekunderklasse" which is for students that have it easier with a way faster paste and harder tests and focus more on getting into Gymnasium (which gets you into university easier) or higher education in general. I was sent into Sekundarklasse, because of my "no effort good grades". But like I said, it began in 6th grade already because of my really bad mental health and anxiety. I started to get really bad grades, I was bullied (even from teachers) and started to skip school once in a while. I also dealt with Anorexia and bulimia because everyone made fun of my body and telling me that of course the fat girl is the lazy and stupid one. My teacher started to bully me because I sucked at math and biology. In 7th grade people started to notice my Selfharm scars and either talked to me about it (which is really uncomfortable) or even laughed at me, telling me how stupid I was for harming myself. When I hit a perfectly fine weight, everyone still called me fat. Back in 5th or 6th grade I met a guy, which was 18/19, when I was 12/13. He obviously manipulated me but I was too naive to get it. He pushed me into a relationship and then left me, because I didn't want to send him nudes. That was back in 2017. I was emotionally so addicted to him that I didn't get over it for years. The situation at school didnt get better. In 2019 I came back together with him and started to do drugs at 14. I did molly and weed and later on amphetamine and adderall when I was 15. The first time we met in person, he sexually abused me when I was 14. I lost my virginity to a 20 year old. He forced me to skip school to meet him and even made me go to Germany without my mother knowing. Like I said, I live in Switzerland. I started to develop a sort of psychosis from my cannabis abuse. Later in 2019 I finally started therapy which sadly didnt help at all. My addictions got fairly bad. I smoked 30-70 cigarettes a day and my mom then found out I was doing cannabis. She threatened me to kick me out at 15. I didn't get a job in 2020, when I should have been finished with school, due to my abusive ex, that kinda forced me into ignoring me, trying to search for a job. He cheated on me several times, but I couldn't leave because I was afraid of being left alone. I got paranoid from my drug abuse and bad anxiety. During The pandemic in spring 2020 I got to meet a boy which is was 16 by the time. It was shortly before my 16th birthday and we spent nights talking to eachother. Thanks to him, I was able to finally break up with my ex and I got into a private school which helps finding a job. It was based on the Realklasse level which made it easier for me to pass with perfect grades. I just finished at that school and I'm in a relationship with the boy I met in 2020. But it sadly doesn't end there. I really love him and were still together, but he also made me skip school a few times and never let me leave my house. He also does drugs but I'm not dealing with any addictions anymore. But lately I tested opioids which made me feel very very good. I managed to get a scholarship for a sort of gymnasium and now my fear of getting bullied and failing at tests is coming back. The boy I'm in a relationship now is diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, which makes him think that I cheated on him, because I was talking to guys online but not even in that sence. I never sent NSFW pictures of me, but I took a kinda lewd picture of me, which was meant to help me deal with my body imagine and unconfidence. I never sent that to anyone. But he doesn't believe me. So now I'm thinking about breaking up. Being alone when I'm probably going to fail school makes me so so anxious. My suicidal thoughts are slowly coming back and I relapsed from self harm. I just can't do it anymore. I won't end my live but I'm afraid of everything. I don't see my future. I just can't. I'm 17 now and growing up makes it even worse. How am I supposed to be an adult when I didn't have my teenage years? I know that probably no one cares or reads this, but thats what happened because of bullying and school. I live witha constant fear of failing and being left alone. I don't know what to do, but my mother has so many problems at the moment and I don't wanna be selfish. I don't want her to scream at my. I'm so so tired of fighting for nothing.

@saki.susaki 2 месяца назад

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I myself am only 16 and trying to figure out if I’ll end up in a spiral of depression in my future. And my naive self is just getting overwhelmed with simple schoolwork (im literally sitting in the bathroom post-cry). If it provides you any comfort, I’ll keep you in my prayers. You were robbed of your teenage years, and maybe you’ll be following an unexpected life path. But you’re not hopeless. If you’re still alive, use any little thing that brings you joy to make it to the next day. I really don’t know what our futures will hold. Sometimes I get the thought that I might not even have a future at this rate. I cannot ever imagine what you feel like. But as long as we find something to cling on to, we’ll keep fighting until the day something changes. I don’t know the right words to tell to someone suicidal. I’m sorry if these words don’t do anything for you. But I want you to know I care. I read every word of your story. And because I believe God can help you, I’ll pray for you. Let’s just live for even the smallest of things; maybe one day we’ll find a stronger purpose to stay alive.