We always knew the truth, when we were beaten and shot down, and we were inside our heads wondering if we were crazy. We were right, our intuition was right, our mind was right, our hearts just couldn't accept the truth that someone we loved was deliberately manipulating us to break us.
Removing yourself from the narcissistic relationship is the ONLY way to get your true self "back"! It's like you "hide" in a dark little box in the bottom of the closet, until the negativity and sheer LIES go away! It's only then that you realize that you were NOT the "problem"! The narcissist is, was and will be until they latch on to someone else! My father never did!
Undoing the brainwashing, indoctrination, conditioning, gaslighting, and grooming and coming out of the fog of denial is hard. I keep finding new layers.
This process of cleansing is very painful yet fundamentally liberating, it is hurting deep inside yet it is closing those old open wounds at the same time. It is very spiritual - it is mending your soul.
i thought divorce was a act of selfishness . but if your in a abusive relationship? RUN ! it won’t change and you will waste years trying to fix something that will always be wrong.thank you Danish , your a good man 👍🏼
I am glad that you got out this person could have killed you these toxic people are led by a evil spirit they didn't love you if he had been good to you probably you wouldn't have left learn to love your self I myself with Jesus Christ in my life is healing from physical and mental abuse I am not a victim because I chose to move on sign Cynthia Smith
I am not at the stage of trusting people again. I doubt I ever will. The damage done by those who were closest to me was so great that I realize I can only trust myself and God. That will suffice.
“They make you betray yourself” The way you described this realization, Danish, is so apt. During the relationship, you’re aware that something is not quite right. You tell yourself that if you just keep giving your love and devotion you can make it right. When you realize that the problem is that you don’t know who your loved one actually is, it’s terrifying and sickening and you want to die. I faced this three times in my life with three different people. Two were my parents and the third was the man who told me I was his “soulmate”. They were all covert narcissists who badly messed with my head and left me in the lurch. There came a moment in each of those relationships when I had to face the truth to get away from the lies and abuse. “It’s like a rebirth.” That moment can be dangerous because the realization is so brutal. But you must hang on through that realization. I’m very, very glad that I was able to see it and survive it. It’s because of channels like yours that I was able to educate myself on the phenomenon and continue on. Never doubt that you do important work. It’s lifesaving.
Well said. The truth has been brutal and the healing painful. It takes courage. The information I am getting from all of you is life saving. I am so grateful. I am arriving to a place of peace finally.
Yes, its been 14 years and still very difficult. Our kids are turning 18 now and they are now waking up. Its so sad to watch it happen and feeling helpless that I can't protect them from their father.
I feel you. My kids are 13 and 11 and they see their father exactly as he is. They don’t want to see him. I left my husband 3 years ago so- our kids at least have somewhere to go . It’s just sad.
Very hurtful. Soon as you get to a safe place, reality hits all of a sudden like a death. Deep sadness strikes suddenly. You begin a process of digging out and repairing and rebuilding. Liberating feelings emerge.
Thank you Danish I have really struggled with my feelings after 40 years of horrible abuse when the Lord saved me from the demonic evil entity I felt bruised and sliced up into bloody mess I felt shredded into a million pieces I still struggle but I won't give up thank Jesus and your help have a blessed evening
I went through the process once with a spouse of many years, and then again with the members of my family of origin. I lost everyone except for a handful of people, once I developef self-worth and boundaries. Narcissists absolutely require us to betray ourselves and our own needs. It is absolutely evil what they do.
To go thru this at 68 is scary as hell. Having lost literally everything and realizing I went thru 21 yrs of this lie makes me not even want to breath anymore. And he found soneone 20yrs younger abd kept all his things and got himself a house after costing me mine that I waited so long for has made the last two yrs of trying to heal has put me back in a downward spiral.
I’m so sorry to hear this… mine left me after 36 years for a 26 yr old, he’s 67.. I’m lost, it’s been 18 months… I pray we find peace…I’m so lost..still can’t believe this is reality..God bless you
@@loricarpenter4967 Its like you have been erased but Im still breathing. Praying alot for strength. Finding out who you are all over again and finding all you want now is peace. Took me far too long to realize I let part of who I am to be defined by who Im with. Now all I want is solitude and peace. Now I can recognize the circuses other people create around them and choose not to participate. What the ex is doing now is basicaly annoying someone else with daddy issues of their own and its their hell now. They'll find out soon enough. These kind of men wear you out and then abandon you because you are worn out but they are no prize either. You have to realize if they are capable of this you were being wasted on them. And in the end the younger fool will abandon them as he did you and he will die bitter and alone. Im not bitter but cautious now. I will not allow anyone to disturb my peace. I will never blindly trust anyone again. At this age I dont need romance. Gods love is enough. And we must do our shadow work and face our own weaknesses that led to us being where we are. Looking back I ignored too many red flags over the years and didnt care enough about myself to set bounderies for fear of losing him. But if a mate makes you feel that way you shouldnt be with them. But I needed him to feel whole. That was my problem. I was worth loving and respecting but didnt love and respect myself enough. I let how he valued me become how I valued me. And he didnt value me at all except for what he could take from me with the barest reciprocation back from him. Thats on me. But now as I see it all with a new understanding I dont tear myself down over it. Why feel less worthy by someone who has no real value? His opinion means nothing anymore. I can say OK I allowed myself to be taken advantage of... lesson learned... finally after decades but its been learned. There will always be regrets over years wasted but jf in my later years I find myself again and find Gods Peace and find again the things I enjoy do I need someone else and all their baggage and drama they would add? Being alone is far better. Sure there are moments where memories of what I had will sneak their way in and bring the pain and tears but they will pass as long as I move forward and find things to do till the wave passes. Ride out the little storm and make myself keep breathing till it does. God wouldnt have brought me this far unless he wanted me to carry on. Im letting him handle it and I go about my day doing positive things even if they are just simple day to day routine things. In between those little special things do happen and I cherish those. Its all I can do. I turn off the fake news and let this awful world slip away for a bit. Im never bored. I wish you healing and peace and hope you can look past what he did and remember God values you and that matters more than anything. Yes we falter and make mistakes but its what we do about it that matters. You didnt live this long to let an asshole define you or have control over you after hes gone. Dont give him that kind of power. Your prison sentence is over. You no longer have to care what he thinks. Let assholes be assholes in someone elses yard. Not your problem anymore. Taking care if you now is enough to have to do.
I am going through this right now, but with my parents. Realizing I don't know anything about them! I don't even know what school they went to, how did they meet, when did they start college... I'm examining the timelines in my head that they gave me and nothing adds up. I was abandoned as a child to be returned to the family when I was 5 in order to start kindergarten. I was never given an explanation why. My father even denies that I was given away. When I was 8, there was a woman who moved into our neighborhood that didn't have a husband, but had a child close to my age. One day she invited me in to play with her son. As we played, suddenly my father opened the door and entered the woman's house and was shocked to see me! He stood there frozen, then asked the woman several questions about her health and went away. Very soon afterwards, the woman moved away from the neighborhood and I never saw her again. Now this memory keeps cropping up and I wonder, was that my father's lover? Was that my half-brother I was playing with? My mother always told me about my father's cheating as I was growing up. Everything is so shrouded in mystery that I don't even know for sure whether I have half-brothers and half-sisters that I don't know of! One time, when my husband went to visit my parents before we went no contact, he told me that their grandson came (my sister's son) and my husband heard my mother and father talk to their grandson about my mother being the only woman my father had ever been with and vice versa! I was so angry with the lies they were feeding him. But, that's how it has always been with them. All were lies. Nothing was true. Astonishing.
I see my whole relationship laid bare as if on a tray. Every kind word and gesture always disappeared like steam. A normal thinking person would go crazy from these manipulations. So it is not strange that he doubts his sanity. Only now I see, after the end of that journey, the big disaster that happened in my life.
Your descriptions of narcissist abuse are so accurate- it’s like you are living my life- I’m so grateful for the information, and thank goodness you’re here to help.
Satanic creatures omg! I’m gonna steal that if that’s ok. Omg it’s perfect although I don’t believe there is a satan 😅 Hell is here on earth! Right now I’m feeling that more than ever! ❤
I had that big realization moment. And it was definitely horrible. But I also have small moments of realization, months after the initial one. I'll catch myself thinking about a time when the narcissist who was in my life did something or talked about something... And suddenly, it will hit me that that thing was part of the lie, as well. A bit of that intense pain and anger returns each time that happens. So, it's kind of ongoing for me.
This is Soo True. Once I saw it I began waking in the middle of the night with memories of the past and wondering How I did not see any of it at the time. Healing from a narcisstic family is tough, yet knowing that I am breaking the chain and it WILL not continue with my own family is the greatest gift.
@@bonnystarkey1143 I'm so sorry you're going through this, too. I wish you luck and strength getting through it. We deserve to heal and find our peace! 🖤
@@lizaddison5751 I am so sorry you're dealing with narcissistic family members. You're definitely brave for breaking free from that treatment of you. You deserve to get out of that situation. Peace waits for all of us at the end of thr healing, and we totally deserve it! 🖤
@@lizaddison5751 I am so sorry you're dealing with narcissistic family members. You're definitely brave for breaking free from that treatment of you. You deserve to get out of that situation. Peace waits for all of us at the end of thr healing, and we totally deserve it! 🖤
It will take years but the mask will fall and your children will return to the healthy parent. I always thought I would be relieved when it did happen but I just feel helpless that they have to see reality for what it truly is and they must go through all the pain I did to heal. Its heart breaking 💔. Don't give up on them and stay positive no matter what your children say or do as they are being manipulated by a master. Sending hugs and prayers to you and your children ❤ 🙏
My ex husband is sabotaging our son's future by allowing him to go about this life with our mom or dad .I got away almost 13 yrs ago .but the state gave him custody .my son has had an overdose went to a Juvie school .went through molestation, and was currently arrested for self defense from his own dad .I'm constantly asking God why is my ex husband able to get away with this abuse for so many years Scott clean . 😢 Prayers accepted 🙏
When I realised it was all a lie I had an emotional delay and got taken to hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. That was some 3 or so months ago. I'm now in a mental state I could never have imagined, and one I've been striving for, for so long. I finally feel like myself! Though I still have a ways to go.
That's where I am right now Danesh 😢 I came to this realization just a few months ago, when I discovered narcissm. And today it's hit me the hardest. To my core I feel raw and so broken. Still planning my exit But so much to do before then Sho. It hits you in the git' that you're left dizzy with heartache
@CoachBushra So sorry to hear that it's been 3 years since your exit plan. Must be so hard for you, as it is for me. I hope my exit happens before my next anniversary in February '24. And I trust you'll be out soon❤️
I experienced an intense period. of what I can only describe as dissociation. I was profoundly grief-stricken and traumatised. I just want you to know, if you do experience something like that and you feel desperate, the intensity does pass in time. Counselling ensured I didn't do it all alone, even though it could not erase the immediate pain. Be gentle on yourself. The relief eventually outweighs the sorrow and there is gratitude for having escaped x
Thank you. The most painful relationship with a narcissist that I had was with my mother. She lived to 92! It's been a terrible, prolonged grief - so extreme that it's hard to identify that in fact healing is happening. It's also difficult to talk about so your post is very validating.
Danesh, I cannot express how valuable and spot on with your insight is and because you have also been through the extremes of this demonic disease....you are able to express the 'un-expressable' so coherently. Thank-you so very much! My realisation with my ex-demon narc nightmare (12yrs...these last 2 no contact due to waking the F-Up! Thank you LORD lol) also lead to the realisation that I had been surrounded by them my whole life! I had a cull of my friends but unfortunately, I cannot cut off my mother - a deeply covert narcissist. Knowing now, it has nothing to do with anything that I have done or not done is such a release....it's a process, of course but dealing with her is less stressful and I am able to completely detach myself from any triggers now.......and know it's them trying to ignite some reaction....and I can calmly look them in the eye and say 'sorry, if you want drama...go talk to the mirror!' and feel no two ways about it! Freedom of this mental grip is never too late. Weirdly without going through this BS...I probably would not have woken up to the degree I have. Peace & Love to all
Are you able to describe any of the behaviours towards you? Did you also experience any love? Was there any love/hate? No need to share more if not wanting to. Thanku.
@@jennicholson7976 Yes, with pleasure - if it helps anyone. My feelings of love at the time was very intense, he made me feel like he knew my soul and was very good at pretending to show love and reciprocating those feelings...which for me was very real for a long time. The love hate part would happen when we would go out and he would purposely embarrass me by revealing something I had either said about one of the other party members that I stupidly told him in confidence etc, or just be an arrogant shit ...I would call him out on everything and each nightmare event, never thinking that the retaliation for standing up to him would come back at me a few days later, so I stopped wanting to go out or see friends....then I started to see the pattern. It's so difficult to answer specific questions, as there are so many variables that contribute to how things unfold. Hope that helps in some way. ✌All the best.
Thank you, Danish, for articulating the feeling so well. I've spent the last couple of years processing my entire life after a major trauma. At the same time as that particular trauma, my narcissistic mother pulled her last, greatest, and final stunt. I finally saw her without the mask. There are no words nor could one write this stuff, so I won't even try to describe it all, but this video is very validating, comforting, and encouraging. Thank you. I greatly appreciated your continued remarks at how violent the experience is. I keep thinking that I "haven't handled it well" because I have allowed it to hurt me so deeply, but after watching this I now think that the fact that I couldn't keep myself together emotionally these past couple years is ok and nothing to be ashamed of. (I was able to just be an online student, so I wasn't out there in the world melting down or anything.) It is all the things you described, like "intensity and extreme emotionality." Thank you again for helping me not feel so isolated in it all. 💞💞
🤗..it's hard when it's your mother - the one you seek the most validation from. I completely get it. Stay strong and yes, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Finally I am getting this now too. Taken 52 yrs Lol....never too late - all the best
An important part of healing is regaining all your healthy and positive habits you used to enjoy before you met the Narcissist. The Narcissist probably forced you to eat junk food, coerced you into quitting the gym and made fun of you so much when you were trying to read books or prepare for interviews. Get them all back.
Yes Danish, learning to trust again is really hard, along with the anxiety & depression your left with. It's just hard to move on at first because I still love him ( more than he did me ) you just feel like an appliance, they pop you on the shelf & replace you when they want. I'm now working on being the best version of myself. Thanks Danish ❤
These toxic people are led by a evil spirit they don't know anything about love they are little children with a grown up body they throw temper tantrum when they don't have their way get away from these evil people sign Cynthia Smith
I remember towards the final years of the relationship, self reflecting and thinking... "god, where did all of this anxiety and depression come from?" I felt tired constantly. I would work on my passion, music, to alleviate it, but it just didnt feel the same...and if she walked through the door while I was working on something like that, I would quickly pack everything up because I knew she would find something to stress me out about if I didn't...when I had big events or gigs coming up, she would always mention some debt we had or some one is sick, or a death in the family , or some drama going on I need to know about. It could be something that happened months ago and she would being it up just as I was getting ready for an event I was excited for. Then she would say sorry for stressing me out at such a time...i believed her, that it was just how her mind operated. It caused me such anxiety, after time. The anxiety was permanent. Then the depression came because I knew I wasnt myself. And the saddest part is it made me feel bad because I wanted to be a better man for her. Not depressed and stressed. So then I felt inadequate as a man. Thats when she began outright antagonizing me for over a year...constantly pushing to make me angry...gaslighting me, telling me she would do something, not do it, then tell me she never said she would do it. She would move my things like my keys and watch me frantically search when I KNEW I had left my things in a particular spot... none of it became clear until the break up. Which she also made as difficult as possible. She drove me to say I wanted out...then cried to both of our families saying she was afraid I was going to leave her...never actually pleading to me to stay... I agreed to work things out. Suggested we try counseling, we talk every week openly...she ignored me, pushed me away, partied late with friends the whole time, then said I wasnt trying to fix anything and suggested we go on a break, then partied some more, then told me she doesn't have the desire to work anything out with me because "I am just not the same person." They literally set out to drive you mad so they can feel better about ripping their family apart....its sick....its all so sick...
@@DJTeddyJetts Hi Teddy, my heart bleeds for you, yes they do set out to drive you crazy !! From day 1 I felt something wasn't right , future faking was his favourite game then he denied everything, didn't remember saying it !! They just want to break you down but there comes a point where you have to walk away. I still love but the depression is really hard to deal with at this time. It's harder when they live next door to you as he does , when you see him flirting with other women afterwards but hey he did that when we were together !! They are out to make you jealous, really insecure people. I feel I should move on but I watch his every move. They get you fixated to them, but as you said, your not the same person anymore.
I've been no contact for over a year, he went to prison for the physical abuse I received....I'm no longer said and missing this person I'm mad really really mad that he wasn't who he made me believe he was it bothers me I have any feelings about this person
My mother was a very obvious malignant narcissist and I’m just now realizing my dad was a classic covert narcissist. Growing up, I had to walk on eggshells around my mother and bend over backwards trying to make my perpetual victim dad feel better about everything. What I needed or wanted was of no consequence to either of them. They both wanted a boy, but got me instead. I felt guilty about that my whole life. I was very good at outdoor sports, but that wasn’t enough. I made good grades and never got in trouble, but I was never good enough. The list goes on. I truly believed my dad was a long-suffering victim until recently when I discovered what a covert narcissist is. Yes, everything in my life was a lie. As I look back over my 69 years, it takes my breath away. Why couldn’t I see that my dad was as bad as my mother as far as making me feel less than and ashamed and guilty constantly? It’s like tearing pages out of a book and writing a whole new one. I hope this phase doesn’t last too long.
I appreciate the way you explain things. It really is exactly what I went through. Now I'm watching our children go through the awaking stage. Its so difficult seeing them wake up. I always imagined it would be relieving but I'm finding it so difficult to see them destroyed by the image of their father compared to the reality. It's bring back alot of angry feelings that I thought I healed from through therapy. My daughter went through the awaking for two years and has completely went no contact now. She is in therapy now trying to heal. My son is just now waking up over the last couple of months. He is not completely there yet but he is seeing glimpses of the mask falling off. Its just heartbreaking seeing them both go through what I did 💔.
My real realization moment happened this week. I already know my “mother” was a narcissist. I’m in my 40’s, have kids, so not young. So I knew what she was for a long time, but I kept getting pulled back in. When I finally had enough, and got her out of our lives for good, I didn’t really delve into it. Nor was I fully aware of what the scope could be or what they could really do. It was just normal. So moved on. The dam broke when I really finally understand that even my childhood, that I was brainwashed into thinking was great, I was actually being abused by that one person who should be my fiercest protector. The entire time!! So I’m unpacking a lot. In a different way.
Phase one done and I was very brave I confronted him with each one of the traits of narcissist and he agreed it was him and didn't want to fix any of it I chose me after hell of 10 years because I'm worth it can't save or fix anyone but yourself
Thank you Danish, I'm going though this right now, I get waves of grief that is so incredibly intense that I have to stop myself at times because I have a heart condition, also starting to remember things I used to like to do before him that I had forgotten like playing the guitar.He was covert, I'm still processing that he is. It took me nearly 5 years to figure that out. I'm going to get myself a guitar again.
I’ve been woken up when I saw your videos a week ago. I’m in the middle of this right now. 23 years were all a lie. I agree and getting mental health help isn’t really useful because I need this specificity Mahalo for what you give me! You are saving my life. ❤
I’m ready for that journey because I know I’m going to be the better person where as the narcissist will go on to living in that same cycle of abuse with everyone they come in contact with. Thank you for sharing 🥰
I am through this realization phase, seeing him for absolutely what he is now. But, after a 31 year marriage, being emotionally abused and cheated on repeatedly, I am now left almost without the capability of ever trusting or love again.
He told me I was doing the wrong things all the time but his rules are from Great Britain not from the US where I live. Had to learn to make my own decisions and trust myself again.❤
Almost 6 months now away from my narcissist. Starting to feel better now. Its a tough journey and great things have happened to me since she's been out of my life. I met someone immediately after the breakup and I'm learning what a healthy relationship is for the first time in my life.
You’re a mind reader….thank you 😘. I needed this. It’s a year and the emotions are a roller coaster, thank you for confirming that is part of the “normal” healing process. I found out , he is living in a “ group “ shelter, Mr. Armani😜! Some initial ha ha on my part. However, now, realizing, I watched the downhill spiral of a man’s life, saddens me . I tried to save his life…and the narc entitled sickness, left him virtually homeless and penniless, at 74 years old. My retirement fund, in tact 😀
I also still believe that healthy relationships can exist. I’m 56 so I’m also scared about being alone. I still look good and I am good. I know that I’ll attract a better person in the future because I won’t allow any of this to happen again. Man I’m realizing just how many people are like this. All my bosses in the mortgage business of which I was an underwriter, threatened me, belittled me, flirted profusely with me on and on. Me Too actually opened my eyes to what my workplace was always like. I see everyone for who they really are and now I basically can’t trust anyone except an attorney which I’m working on. I still see myself in a relationship again too. I can see myself with a partner who just enjoys my company and is fun and loving. At my age now I know it’ll be more difficult but if it happens it’s meant to be. I’d rather be alone than go through this ever again
Thank you for this enlightening video. Yes, it hits you like a ton of bricks when you realize you were NEVER loved as a child/not as an adult child/not ever. Our mother showed her true self after she was diagnosed with incurable cancer. We knew it on the inside, but now it became apparent on the outside, too. The only good thing was after her death, the whole community (that she had fooled with her 'saintly' life) saw who/what she had been, too. Her lifetime of pretense was shattered. We picked up the pieces as best we could but had to finally face the reality of her lifelong hatred of us. It took a while, but now I realize she only took the outside of who we were. Deep inside, we are still the talented/smart children she never appreciated/valued. I am thankful every day for those inner talents that I still have regardless of her narcissistic life. I am the person now I was born to be.
Yes, well, my realization lasted 6 years. I still loved my narcissistic boyfriend & first recognized who he was 6 years ago - after the 1st 6 yrs of hell - but I didn’t want to believe the truth - so I wasted 6 more years struggling in hell until my denial finally broke & ended everything
Danish do narcissists know what they're doing? I listen to another gal Ellie Frost she's very good she says that narcissists are the devil she says that the devil Works through these narcissist to try to capture to take our soul what do you think about that thank you so much
The world is made up of good and evil. The devil plays dirty so stay close to God, Jesus, and the holy spirit to build ur strength to combat and confront this demonic energy. Ur stronger with God's help but play the devil with ur mind and emotions intact. It's a spiritual and existential battle.
When I got hit by the realisation I cried a whole day. I've never felt so miserable in my life. It was truly terrible... All this pain and sadness crushing over you. At the same time I was glad, even relieved to finally see fully through them. To see them for who they truly were this whole time. It was hard, but it was worth it
Thank you so much for explaining to me what I am going through I feel ashamed at my self for letting someone I uesd care a lot about belittle me make me feel less than its been two years yet it still hurts , he died two years ago but it still hurts how to get over it. I want to to hurt him and make him feel worthless like he made me feel
Yes., Very painful. My whole life pain surfaced. Since I was a kid . it was like I got hit by a bus. It took me 2 months. Zi would cry a lot. It was a spiritual awakening . I have forgiven myself and moved on. Danish has helped me tremendously by giving such clarification . He has diagnosed it.Cure will follow. Have faith in God. How God gives the strength to love .. He also gives us strength to overcome. God Bless
What makes the needy empath deny reality & accept the narcissist’s nonsense? I knew what he was telling me for years wasn’t true - but I wanted and NEEDED his version of reality to be the truth - made and makes me feel truly crazy
3 years after leaving my husband I have the will to heal and watch tons of RU-vid videos. But he is still messing up my life because of the co-parenting. I’m always angry and it keeps affecting my jobs. I keep losing jobs for the last 5 years because I can’t always control my anger and depression. How can I as a mother go to work happy and jolly knowing my kids father is emotionally and psychologically abusing them?? It’s just so very exhausting to keep explaining and taking in the kids feelings of betrayal and disappointment. They are 11 & 13 now so they can understand NPD but it’s not easy at all. I often sleep in the bed with them because it makes them feel safe. I have had to wait for them to get this age so they could see him for who he is and make the decision to not want to see him anymore. I didn’t take his kids away. I allowed them to spend a week at his place then a week with me. He broke that deal a month ago when he beat up our son. My son is 11 and has stated he doesn’t want to go back to his dads house. If my son does he his dad for like 10 minutes his father mocks him and tries to shame our son. Or else tries to manipulate him into staying by offering gifts and crap. My son says a firm NO. I have taught my kids everything about narcissism and their tactics. But this is the worst feeling as an empathetic mother. Watching my kids go through what I went through. Though I got the abuse a lot worse. Anyway- I just need to work on my anger 😂. Gardening helps but these people suck all the joy out of you. Just a shame. ❤
Luckily I already healed the way before knowing what narcissism was. I just saw a situation that I was not truly appreciated. I got tired of the constant invalidation. I had more issues with my choice and method of leaving than I did about mourning a bad relationship. But even THAT I got over. And now?!? With the narc knowledge and playbook in hand?!? LMAO Dude, I kinda feel sorry for her. She assumed I was broken and easily to manipulate. I made her work for it apparently. I punished her with being a mirror to her for punishing me in her childish ways. And then, the last thing she ever thought would happen, I discarded her and moved on without her even knowing. I drip fed her future faking while planning my exit. Bye bye. Relished her attempts to hoover. Her suffering did not shame me into coming back. Am I healed if I enjoy the fact that I destroyed someone who presented herself falsely to me, without even knowing it? I feel healed. But mortifying these narcs…is becoming addictive.
I feel you. I had my version of this with my aunt recently. My two cents is keep the relishing in check since I also have revenge fantasies over and beyond the hell I went through and the proper satisfying and rightful discard as the term is used. When slaying Demons be careful we don't become one in the process. The best advice i ever received was from my beautiful empathic step mom was in whatever we do stay clean and the outcome will always be a good one.
my 10 month marriage to a narcissist late in my life actually brought a gift with it. I was raised by a brutal raging narc father... I was the scapegoat, problem my entire life in the family. for I fought for truth and honesty. my mother stayed with my father for 60 years until his death. I was eventually shattered into full PTSD in my 50s because of the decades of narc abuse by both my father and a sibling. I knew a lot. but was still very damaged. fast forward to my marriage to an absolutely predator and liar, who one day stated to me "all of us AA's are narcissists" the next day a you tube video of the traits of a narc crossed my path. I watched it and my jaw fell. yes he is a narc!!!! but so was my father!!!! and my life untangled as an adult woman of 68 years old. I ran from my husband. I am a month perhaps from being formally divorced. I counseled diligently for more than a year. now walking to a freedom and clarity I have never known.
exactely! I am 2,5 weeks no contact and more and more shocked about the depth and the extend of this satanistic abuse I went trough! It is a horrible time and trust me, I survived already a lot, like 10 years of recurring episodes of depression! But this abuse is much harder for me!
It’s been quite a journey. I had a one year relationship with a narcissist. It was so little time that we spent together, but it affected me so deeply. It’s been a year now since we broke up, and 10 months since I went no contact with him. My realization moment came during that time, and I’ve healed so much, but I still have to see him in college, and it’s been hard, I get shivers and a lot of anxiety when we encounter. I am also starting a new relationship and it’s so hard to trust and truly love someone after I almost lost my mind because of my past relationship.
Danish,u r a good man.u can understand others pain so much.I thank Allah to giv me such a precious person lyk u to motivate me in dis difficult part of my life,wen my own relatives don't understand my problems
I'm grieving not the person I thought my father was. I'm grieving the idea he would have some day, woke up, apologized, promises of making it up to me, and asking me what I really needed from him. 😔😔😔 He's deceased now since 2007.
I grew up in a home with verbal and emotional abuse. I have struggled for years. They were also very controlling so I never knew how much I was told about myself was never true. I was also kept isolated from others so I never knew there were others who had similar challenges. Gradually, after I left home I learned that everything I was told about myself was never true.
I realized all of this after I started seeing some of your videos and noticed you described our relationship perfectly. Then that's when everything started making sense.
I did realize his abuse , but I decided to forgive him. To have peace within myself . I don't want to keep this pain and hurt inside my soul , to suffer for a person who's not worth it.
I'm just so pleased whatever he wanted from me he never got it because of my boundaries and gut instincts sussed him out and got rid of him and exposed him before he did me.
Unraveling the web in your mind is exactly what happens. I remember the moment the cognitive dissonance went away, and I finally accepted it was all an illusion. It was a hard, yet necessary, moment. Then came the WHY. How can a person be like this, and why did I let them do it to me for so long? I am not sure I am done with this phase yet. I still struggle with trust.
How do you know this sooo accurate.. Have you been through it ever or just did lot of study & research... My mind has blown away by your creepily precise facts.. Literally spot on 🤯
extremely accurate, extremely well worded video, very impressed by your ability to rationalize what is happening. Thank you - this is helping a lot of people.
Yup, found out my DIL to be is a Covert Narcissist and so is her mother, who I thought was a friend. I'm so tired of this BS! My grandchildren are caught in the middle. My son's baby is only two, but the add-on or gift is suffering. I have no contact with him but he asks for me every day. If I want to talk to him I have to ask one of the Narcs! 😢
Oh Danish! Such insight wisdom and excellent articulation! I've been binge watching your videos, and I so appreciate them! Thank you, Sir. 7 years out, and I'm happy to say I don't think about him anymore, though I still need refreshers regarding what the heck happened.
This makes me think of soldiers who came into hospitals is complete dissociation, shaking, screaming, or mute. It makes think of the torture of people who were raped, violated and degraded to the core, unable to inhabit their bodies. In the Great War it was "shell shock" now it is called PTSD. Faced with a reality that the mind cannot bear.
I had a very toxic marriage and I started researching mental health and mostly personality disorders after I ended it. I started to figure our what was wrong with my ex or maybe there is something wrong with me? Why do I end up with these men? Then my focus shifted into my mother… I kept reading and listening and figured out that my mother is indeed a covert narc. It took me a year to piece everything together. I’m starting therapy, I stopped answering her calls a week ago after she gave me another demeaning backhanded compliment that was also lifting herself up above me… all in a caring and concerned voice. I had enough. I was silenced my entire life and emotionally beat down every time I said something remotely critical. I’m so angry.
I felt an extreme amount of rage and grief at the same time, when I woke up and realized what was happening to me. Making change has been difficult, but I am still going forward. It's like once I SAW, everything was different, absolutely everything. Your video, word for word, fits me and what I went through. As always, Thank You for continuing to produce these videos. You have a way of presenting the information in all it's truth, without triggering me into a dark place. ... one of my issues now, is when I fall back, or get depressed, I tend to do some emotional eating. I know it doesn't really help, but, at times, I have trouble ignoring the urge to do so. I'll keep trying.
I'm not sure if I ever haven't felt disoriented. It's as if the mooring has never been there. So coming back to one's self feels hard because the sense of self/reality is so confused. Nothing solid to return to. I'm older now and safe but still distressed and confused.
Danish Bashir, from the very beginning it was meant to fail that's what happens when you realize that you have accomplished nothing but being married to a Covert Narcissist and having two daughters and you were targeted and you worked for a Malignant Grandios Narcissistic Construction Company and was wrongfully terminated and went through a Divorce at the same time and my retirement plan was the same amount as our current credit card debt and your family goes along with their smear campaign and you are left with no friends or family or anyone and they all Ganged up on me and now it's no contact and I am still dealing with Narcissists right now and this is going on 12years you have to leave the United States of America to get away from these Narcissists because I am going to remain single and independent and Retired until I can relocate I really can't trust anyone because these Narcissists will use anyone to cause you unnecessary problems they are out to destroy you at all costs thanks for understanding Narcissism and explaining what's going on with Narcissism. GOD-BLESS.
When I finally put up a fight I seen the vandictive sadistic side come out the cold and non reactive of disrespectful disacosiative mind of non existence of my presence even though I had taken on so much for them. I found people to think I was the one problem, when I would react in public of saying me me because I felt alone, when I would react in attacks of defense in the form of reactive abuse but no one knows the truth. The oblivious sign of cheating and then denied as paranoid but my guy feeling told me it was right somehow she would always seem to blame me for everything I never did see the signs she had me in love.
