I’ve been waiting 40 years for an apology, or even acknowledgment, I finally came to realize exactly what you said…. I think she is too wounded herself. 💔
@@RestfulRoom In my situation I've seen them be extremely spoiled as children; never corrected and that leads to a huge sense of entitlement. When they fail to control others to meet their needs they become enraged and vengeful. The emotional maturity of a three year old.
I know that my mother would die for me, but mental health problems she suffered when I was young put a huge rift between us that is taking YEARS to heal, I'm sure many would be quick to throw the word 'toxic' mother at her but I know it wasn't her fault and it's so nice to see a video not villainizing all mothers for not being perfect. Wouldn't change my mum for the world despite the issues we faced once upon a time.
She is a lucky mother for having such a great daughter, wish I could see my mom the same way as you. Can you explain what problems ypu guys had exactly?
My mom has bipolar disorder and she blames a lot of her bad habits on that... Its been hard for me to have any kind of relationship at all with her, especially after cheating on my dad. I wish I had the strength that you do and have a relationship with my mom, but at 28 years old I'm still not ready ):
It's amazing the power mothers hold. I've been broken my entire life due to mother wounds. However, at 46 years young, I get it. I actually feel sorry that my mother never got the opportunity to love and nurture me like I've nurtured my daughters. Thankfully, I was able to do this with the grace of God. Be blessed, ladies, and make sure you break that generational curse by being a great mother to your children. And if you've already made identical mistakes that your mom has made, go right now and apologize. Something we all been waiting for that will probably never happen, but that won't be your child's narrative 😊
Damn, this called me out !! My boyfriend constantly reminds me that my needs deserve to be met and that i matter. there was loads of jealousy but hatred if I wasn’t perfect. I just wanted to be loved.
This issue is SO important for women desirous of stepping into their power and authentic femininity. I experienced every single example of "mother wounding" mentioned in this video, and it has severely impacted my adult life, from career choices to who I married (and subsequently divorced, and changed career path too), chronic anxiety, indecisiveness, and insomnia. Once I started addressing the core issue (mother wounds), I slowly but surely started healing. I began the process of stepping into my authentic self. Thank you Jillz, this is pure gold. Not only are you brining awareness, but you are also providing steps to begin the healing journey.
I can’t thank you enough for this video. I literally couldn’t stop crying when you were talking about mother wounds. Listening to you was so comforting. As people don’t normally share these experiences, it’s hard to know if it’s just me going through this problem but seeing your video, it feels better that I am not the only one. Thank you so much❤
I always thought It was all my fault. Every night I think about the most heart shattering harsh words she said to me.. doesn't she love me anymore? Like where tf it all went wrong!
Exact same experience! Those words linger. Its insane how painful harsh loveless comments are, even at my age 46, Im heartbroken by what she just told me. So difficult especially when you cant unlove ..your own mother..
I love my mom (She’s the reason why I want to keep improving myself and she believed in me when no one else in my family did) but being a first generation Cuban-American on both sides, my mom was very stern, always speaks her mind, and a perfectionist (That need to be perfect she passed down to me and my sisters; With my oldest sister in her, it manifested severe body image issues and anxiety/depression; In me, it manifested into this constant need to prove myself). Also, being the youngest my mom (even now at barely 31 years old) is over protective and it makes me feel sometimes that I’m not good enough with just being me.
Lost my mother in 2021 still healing from all that was and all that isn’t here .. no apologies tho we were fine when she passed thankfully now it’s just me picking up the pieces to the things that I now know were toxic
I definitely have the mother wound. I don't even remember a time when i was close with her. She's a good person, i love her a lot but the wound is there. She often criticised me growing up, nothing i did was ever right and i also feel like since I'm the last of four, she got tired with the raising. My sister feels way like a mother to me and honestly, i'm not even sure i Want to heal this wound. Sure, i don't let people get close, i'm not very emotional and i've never been in a relationship but.....Okay that actually sounds so sad, i should work on it. I guess what i'm trying to say is that, i'm so used to our distant relationship now that fixing it won't do much. I will remember how this affected me when i have my daughter, i won't let it happen with her. Thank you Jillz for talking about this, i had no idea how much i needed this video or this book 🤍🤍
Heal for youself only, you will feel a lot better. It doesn’t change the relationship at all, but it changed me. I feel a lot happier, carefree and lighter in a way. But it’s a rollercoast. I live with my mom, so she’ll trigger me here and there. But I know how to mother myself much better now. Weird to say, but it lowered my expectations of her. And made me not feel disappointed and hurt all the time. But i have still days that i lock myself up in my room to cry, als a 30 year old… i still can’t show emotions in front of her. I also haven’t had a relationship and am single. And its definitely because i have been avoiding being vulnerable, as that was my way to protect my self. Been working on it for quite sometime now. I am getting better thank God.
@@sfensjm1727 if you don't mind me asking, how did you heal when you live with her? I also live with mine and I find it very difficult to do that. Not because I expect anything from her but because the damage is already done. I really want to move out but it's way too expensive to live on my own and I'm also single, so I feel stuck.
@@andreap3147 i definitely feel your pain. You’re not alone!! I began with searching why I’m always so affected by her behavior or words. I learned about attachment styles, how with my attachment style it’s easy to be a people pleaser. How I’m always feeling the other persons emotions and want to please because when she’s happy i’m happy thing. Its also a symptom if you are a HSP. A high sensitive person. I would advice you research your attachment style, search how you can heal to a healthy attachment style and in that search you’ll find the right answers for you. It’s a lot and emotional. But for me it opened my eyes and began to see my mother as a person who is not perfect, who has been through a lot with her parents and its not my responsibility to make her happy. So now i don’t let her mental state affect mine by simply reminding myself that she is my mother and it’s not my duty to take care of her. I sometime remove myself and just get away when the emotions are high. But i guess my emotional distance has given me the most inner peace. So now her words, are just ‘words’. But i am human too, so sometimes its hard. But thank GOD its a lot better now. I hope this helped you a bit!!
@@sfensjm1727 Thank you! Yes, I'm familiar with HSP, I am definitely that. I'm also a people pleaser and have boundary issues (which I didn't even realize until I started going to therapy this year lol...) but yea I don't know exactly what my attachment style is. Probably codependent or something like that. But yes, thank you 🙏 I guess I just find in hard in the last bit in this video where she says to make distance because I'm not really in a financial place to do that right now. It's a process, hope I can heal one day
@@andreap3147 great job!! I’m proud of u! I understand, moving out would help a lot. I’m in the same position. Videos op YT about owning my own energy and letting letting others affect me, helped me a lot. I wish you all the best in the world ❤️
😦 😧 wow… the way i needed this today. thank you so SO much! this hit the nail on the head over and over. i’m currently dealing with the wounds now and struggling getting over resentment. spoke to me. I appreciate this today especially since over on Instagram a lot of posting with what seems to be healthy mom-daughter relationship . I do understand that she meant the best and loves me and didn’t show it in the best way because of her upbringing. It still sucks, but I. an only work through it to get over this hump. it’s been about of year of some work and will probably take a few more. i did call her at least today to say happy mother’s day! This made me feel lighter and better thank you so much Jillz, you are the best! 💕🤍💕
im loving your channel! super inspiring as i want to start my own also on women but more on entrepreneurship ^^ anyway, love your work! wanted to ask you, if you started on instagram or youtube first? i just deleted instagram as i find it very draining , and im questioning if i should go back just to advertise my youtube channel...Anyway i'd like your thought if you have any ^^keep going!
all of the reasons i match this sucks too much i wish i didnt have low self esteem i am not trying to be arrogant but im like really pretty and because of my mums issues always i was victim blamed degraded when i came in high school everyone used to shoocked why i thought i was ugly how can a mother do it to their daughters im a woman would never do it to my kid
My mum has died while giving birth to me. I was always thinking that it has no effect on my life, but recently I started thinking that maybe this is the reason I have fear of abandonment, jealousy.. Is there anything you would advise that I can do?
As the daughter of a toxic mother, I cannot thank you enough for making this video. This side of motherhood is still a very taboo topic in society and most people act shocked if you say that you don't have a loving relationship with your mother or that she was a bad mom to you. I personally hate things like Mother's Day because society expects you to love, honor and respect your mother, but I'm unable to do so because my mother has done too many things that no mom should ever do to her daughter, and I simply cannot forgive her. I don't think I ever will, and it breaks my heart every time I hear naïve people talking about how your mom is always your best friend or your #1 ally in life. I'm sure there are some really amazing mothers out there, but not everyone was lucky enough to have a good mother and I'm grateful to you for addressing this subject.
Wow you just described my story and my thoughts.... My mother is a Narcissist and she abused me all of my life in any way...i also don't have a place in my heart for her, not even a tiny bit of space.... Some things you just can't forget or forgive,no matter how long it's been.... Thank you for sharing 💓
@@baby-xp9dn I'm so sorry for the abuse you had to go through. Thank you so much for sharing 💞 I hope you're doing better now and I wish you a very happy future in spite of the bad things you had to endure in the past. As for me, I have an "okay" relationship with my mother now that I'm older, but there are a lot of things that I will never forgive, and I know I'll have to protect myself against her for the rest of my life. We'll never really be close and I'll never be able to say that she's a good mom. It's so sad when the toxic people in your life are your own family, the people who were supposed to love and protect you. I really envy all the people who grew up with a healthy, stable, loving mother.
@@cherylpiorkowski Me 2... I was always jealous (in a healthy way) of my girlfriends who had such a suppurative - loving mother and system. I could never understand why i was chosen to not have that in my life. It's like a hole 🕳️ in my heart... You're right,the people who were supposed to love and protect you hurt you the most. My mum was my bully 😈👊💪, simple as that. She really hurt my soul deep😓,and it's been very challenging for me to heal from it. The hardest thing for me is that I'm still in contact with her. My biggest dream🌈(literally) is to go off contact with her,so that i could leave this chapter behind me once and for all and live my life,but she's physically sick,and i know that if I'll leave, her condition will get worse,so I'm kinda trapped.... How do you handle it every day?
Same as You. Today i realized She never ever apologized to me. Sorry but what makes me more cry, She Is the same horible granmother. I am very sad, my daugters do not have loving granny. Tank you for this video. Today on fb or instagram Are Věry happy families And loving mothers which makes me underrated.
I completely agree! I have what I call “ a survivor mode relationship” with my mother. I don’t like Mother’s Day either! I stay away from social media and out of card and gift stores. My sister and I just never had that kind of relationship with my mother. It’s a struggle for me to respect her, let alone loving her is very difficult. I used to feel guilty admitting that but I don’t anymore. Thankfully, I have a geographical boundary but a few times a year I do have to go see her if I want to go see my sister because they live in the same geographical area . I love my sister very much and will not sacrifice my relationship with her because of my mother. However - every time I plan to go up there and visit a couple of weeks prior to the trip, the anxiety sets in. It’s a mental training mode. It’s a certain mode of reaction behavior that I have to get into when I go up there so I don’t fall into the same trap. I recite the same affirmation every time I go. “The only way to go is through. It’s only three days and I get to go home.” Sad but true. 🤷♀️
it's so sad to think about because you see all of these mother-daughter duos that are like best friends while you and your mom have such a bad relationship. we will always want that relationship with our mom but we won't get to have it because of all of the issues.
that does feel very challanging indeed. i find to think about building that with ourselves instead is a huge step that is very valuable and beautiful! nurturing ourselves as we wish we would have been.
My mother is an unhappy women who thrives off of drama. Maybe I am writing to let it out and I am struggling to meet my own needs at the moment but thanks for the video :)
I didn’t have the best relationship with my mum. She was there for me but she didn’t have the emotional capacity to be there for me. However because of this lack I knew what I didn’t want for my relationship with my children. I now have an 11 year old daughter and we have the most amazing relationship. We are so close and I am there for her emotionally because I know how important this is. I am for her what I needed from my mother. The cycle CAN end if you want it to. It can end with you if you are aware and do the work within ❤❤❤
Now I finally figured out why it’s so very difficult for me to step into my femininity… I resonate with everything you say and do certainly have a „mother wound“, but feel relieved now. Thank you so much 💐
My mother fed me, hugged me sometimes, prayed for me. She never listened to me, never took my side when my father would rage at me, never wanted to know what I was feeling, never let me cry. She was extremely emotionally unavailable and unpredictable. She'd leave for months on end with no warning but always brought gifts when she came back. I never knew how to feel around her. Thanks for the video Jillz x
I was literally just thinking about how my mum has affected who I am and how I deal with things today and your video just showed what I have to do next to heal from it. You're the best! Thank you so much🥰🥰❤️
As soon as I clicked on this video I knew I was in for some heavy feelings, this is one of the reasons I don’t want to have children yet. I know I have to heal this wound and all the other things first so my babies don’t receive my wounds. thank you ❤️
My mom was not much of a physical touch person.. I’ve noticed that I crave physical touch a lot at times or am easily overstimulated if too many people touch me. My daughter is 10 years old and very touchy feely. Always wants hugs and physical touch and at times I get annoyed but then I think about the fact that that is what I’ve longed for so I make sure to give her extra tight hugs and a million sloppy kisses and she never ever pushes me away… I love her so much ❤
Wow, this is hitting home so much... My mom is pretty great, comparatively speaking. She's not a bad person or a narcissist or anything like that. She never really tried to control me or snoop on me. She has always given me plenty of physical affection. And I have always felt her love for me. However, she is an EXTREMELY critical person, of both others and herself, blowing up over the smallest mistakes. And because I have ADHD, she had much more to criticize when it came to me simply because of my forgetful, scatterbrained, and disorganized nature. And it's clear that I've seen the negative effects of her behavior in my own life... I have very low confidence in my abilities. I have struggled with feelings of guilt and worthlessness at many points in my life. I definitely have developed an avoidant attachment style. I tend to keep people at arm's length, but the rare times I let people close to me, I become clingy and jealous. And I absolutely struggle making and keeping female friends. In fact, the repeated loss and betrayal of female friends has been the biggest source of pain in my life. At one point, I viewed women and womanhood in general as being evidence of "evil" almost. To me, the most feminine girls were always the most horrible to me, and so I associated femininity with being a bad person. I spent many years entirely rejecting my femininity. If I'd been born at a different time, I guarantee I would have started identifying as non-binary or even a trans-man. Thankfully, I came to terms with and started embracing my femininity later in my life, and so that never happened. And one of the things I want most in life is simply peacefulness. I also feel like I'm following in my mother's footsteps, being both too critical of myself and of others. I don't tend to blow up or get overwhelmed by people's mistakes like she does. In fact, I think I am pretty gentle with people when I bring up things that they could do better. Where I think I fall flat is giving praise. I feel uncomfortable when receiving praise or compliments from people, as if I don't really deserve it. I sometimes think the person complimenting me is either trying to manipulate me or that I've somehow fooled them into thinking I'm better than I really am. Likewise, I really struggle to give people compliments and praise for when they do something good or something I appreciate. I tend to try doing more actions, like giving hugs or buying gifts etc. But I rarely outright express my gratitude or admiration in words to people. And I think that's a big flaw in me.
heyyy i have adhd too and everything else is so similar from someone who grew from hiding her femininity to embracing this side of me you will be fine and you will absolutely make it and its completely human to feel all of it. For me it was always looking for mother figures in school teachers and other women in general trust me it scars and till date im scared to trust women but im working on it i encourage you to do the same. If not for you then for your kids which you might have do u want them to feel how you did! ending this paragraph and i wish you bunch of healing and love.
I don’t have ADHD but I am on the Autism Spectrum and I struggle with the same thing. It’s very hard for me to be vulnerable (I’m a sensitive person but I was made to feel like my vulnerability was a weakness). Since turning 30, I have been showing more of my vulnerability and my gratitude for people (particularly with men) but that’s because I have been going to therapy on and off since I was 13 and have been on my self love journey since I was 25.
This is hard. Im tired of being the parent, Im just tired. Thank you for this. Im an empath and need to keep things positive during winter time. Struggling a bit. Your videos help as im trying to be my own cheerleader and remother. Inner critic can be loud.
this video is so right on. thank you. it’s taken me 56 years to heal all of what you’ve touched on. and, having my own child at age 40 - with the awareness of what my mother was unable to give me, helped me in raising my child while also healing my own inner child through that process ✨
My soul thanks you so much for this video! I started on my self healing journey about 8 years ago and focused only on the relationship with my father but after hearing this, now I know most of my healing is also towards my mother. I now realize that both of them did the very best they could based on their own childhood and life experiences. This is the first video I comment on but I am very thankful for your video content because it’s helped me in my healing journey. Thank you 🙌🏼💕💐
Thank you so much for the work you’re doing 🙏🏻💓 I recently had a daughter and your videos have helped me become the mother and woman I’ve always wanted to be/hope to be for her 🥲🙏🏻✨
For most people Mommy wounds are often from Narcissistic Mothers and Daddy issues are caused by Narc Fathers. Unfortunately, some people have both, I certainly do.
However, I am of the opinion that in the case of problems with the mother, it is not enough to write in a diary or analyze it on your own. You have to go to psychotherapy, otherwise we only treat the shell, not the underlying cause. I say this from experience and I immediately emphasize that it helped ... but not so that the mother became a friend. It helped because I feel valuable and I do not count on the transformation of the relationship.
A really important video. It makes me think. I broke out in a rash when my mother died. It still has not healed, I am working on my feelings around this. Lots of love to everyone
This video is great. You are very beautiful and kind. Thanks so much for making this. I love the background too. You are so soft and feminine. Very nice video! Have a nice day.
Thank you so much You are right as I am I don't have a good mother daughter relationship, everything you mention is what's really happening to me till now I love attention,I love to be pampered, but my mom is not a romantic type
When your mother has issues and doesn't love you or doesn't show you love, doesn't nurture you, doesn't communicate in a loving way , it just leaves a large hole in your heart that you'll have to heal and fill on your own when you grow up
She hates me and never loved me, but I hate myself even more. She was never there for me, even when I’m sick she never cared, I’m always envious and jealous of people I know who have loving mothers, never knew what it would be like and I will never know. I am beyond tired of this life, no one loves or care about me anyway, so even if I leave no will care
My mother believes babies belong in playpens. You only hold your baby to feed and diaper. She only decided to give me touch when i was a teenager and wanted to hold my hand in public. I hated it.
I love how in this video, feeling empathy towards the mother is emphasized together with acknowledging the mother wound. I was always scarred of thinking back towards this issue because of the guilt. Knowing that you can acknowledge the wound AND feel empathy towards your mother is GOLD
Thank you so much for this video… Your explanation on the topic was spot on! I recently realised that the best friend (mum) that I had was truly nothing more than a extremely codependent mother who can only value any relationship if she is the centre of attention n goes to the extent of constantly victimising herself to gain sympathy from everywhere! This amplified when my dad passed away and her villainizing him transferred to viIlainizing me and my husband… It’s heartbreaking truly as I care so deeply for her and know all of this is subconscious from her wounds which she suffered at a young age, but it’s way too toxic to continue like this😢
Mother wounds from overly critical mom in fear i would brcome better than her and never need her. I now understand she fears me becoming powerful or rich bc i would not need her anymore and she says if i think i will make it on my own and not include her i will fail. She wants to keep me close to her all her life but she will not.Not anymore. she will retire alone and old. Also lack of human touch has caused me anxiety to a high dregee
The past week I asked my mother to stop commenting on my physical body because the past 24 years it has been a main topic of conversation and I am over it. She responded with “how dare you blame me because you are upset with me” “I only comment on your body because I am proud” “I can never say anything to you” “you have hurt me so much, don’t not text me”. If I cannot have a mature conversation with a harmless request and get met with accusations of attacking her, I’m sure we will never get to the relationship I want to be with her. It’s sad.
I believe more people should talk about mommy issues because it crucial, thank you for addressing it. Happy mothers day to all the mothers out here and every women. ❤
Im 15. My mom has been in and out but constantly on drugs. I had to learn that my mom went through a very rough childhood. She started meth at 14. She just pushed trauma on to me. And she has said very hurtful things. I like this comment section makes me feel safe. Some people really know how it feels.
What helps me to cope is to see my mother as that hurt child. She doesn't know any better because she had a crappy childhood herself. She doesn't know how to nurture properly, because she hasn't been nurtured
I can relate to everything you say, its spot on. My mother left our family for an alcoholic when I was 8 and myself and my younger sisters didnt see her again until we were adults. It wasn't until I found your channel that I realised how much this has affected my feminine energy and how much I lived in masculine, I guess from being raised by an emotionally unavailable (but great) dad. It is so true about trauma passing through generations and I see now that both of my parents were passing down their own childhood traumas. Self development is helping me hugely to not repeat history and my relationship with my own children, especially my daughter has greatly helped me to heal and determined to be the best mum I can to them. This isnt always easy as an introverted empath working on low self esteem and triggers. Thanks for this lovely validating and supportive video. As a mature psychology student I love the research references too! Keep up the amazing work and glad you are feeling better. Much love from the UK 💙
Some people almost judge you over being bad daughter if you say you dint have good relationship with your mother. But when you mentioned that part of receiving love from a mother, I personally don't even know what that is, in my culture they say if mother screams at you if means she loves you because that is her way showing she cares about you, in the case I may received a lot of it. I use to believe that was the true. It took me many years of an anxiety and health issues till I realized that it's the trauma of the toxic parents I had. Yes they went through lots of darkness in their life but till today they prefer to blame everyone else for what the have done.
I think you can really change my life. It hurts so much recognizing that I might haven‘t had the mother I longed for. I think not only my relationship to my dad was toxic but also to my mother. And it hurts me that I have to distance myself foe healing…
