Only guy I can watch related to self help these days. No ego, no putting himself on a pedestal. He keeps it real, and clearly wants the best for all of us. Top man
This man just spoke bars for a whole 16 minutes and the only possible complaint that I could accept about this video is that it is ONLY 16 minutes and not more. Thank you for all you do Mr. Beaton!
Enjoyed listening to this perspective. I agree with everything you’re saying but it doesnt address the reasons why men tend to be loners. If you’re single and plan to stay single, this idea works great. Once you bring marriage and kids into the equation things change. Everybody wants to have their cake and eat it too but it’s not going to work out for most people. Sometimes I think it’d be great to go back to just having a bunch of friends to hang out with and talk to about things. But you have time constraints . Then that married friend you have suddenly gets divorced. Now you AND your wife are “friends” with this now newly single divorced man. There’s nothing wrong with that. But what if now things aren’t going well in your marriage and now that guy decides to get more friendly with your wife? What maybe could have been fixed before may become permanently broken because you invited this person into your life 20 years ago. Maybe some people don’t care but then they shouldn’t have gotten married to begin with. Then you’re saying to trust guys around your kids. Sure some maybe most you could trust but what about the one you can’t? Can you weed them out? No you’d never know till it’s too late. So I mean in theory this sounds great for single guys. You’re wishing for a fantasy world otherwise. And I wish it wasn’t that way. You could have a great marriage and a great friend and have everything going great and have that friend ruin it for you. The emotional and financial risks just aren’t worth it. So there you go. I’ve explained the perspective of “the loner” who talks to other men but mostly keep them at a distance.
I beg to differ. I think it's excellent mental health. Just having other people around? That's not always necessary depending on what it is you're trying to do, and it's possible to be very limited in life simply because you're trying to hold a group together. Good mental health, functioning at a high level, having clarity of thought and high enthusiasm/drive--whatever you want to call it, reigns supreme. It's also very difficult to do because normal life is painfully tedious and it's also very expensive, and those two factors conspire to cause defeatist thinking and subsequent depression, the kind that's treatment-resistant. I think psychologists call it Complex PTSD when that happens, not sure.
Lost all my good mates after telling them my stance and opinion about the recent arrows doing the rounds, nearly 3 years now I’ve not spoken to them. Strong lads relationships never to be again.
As much as I'd like you to explain what you mean by "arrows doing the rounds", I can relate to what you're saying otherwise. Male friendships is the one thing I miss the most from 2010-15, I hadn't had much of it until then (I was born 1991). Then I lost pretty much all of it, mainly due to converting to Islam. Both because many others around me also converted, and because the rest very much enabled it (we're talking the immigrant community in Umeå, Sweden, most of which are born Muslim). I early disliked most men I surrounded myself with, and I missed life before Islam. However, due to my own religious beliefs, I felt like I had no choice but to stay. I deviated from most Muslims and went my own way while still practicing. However, Covid made me reconsider my beliefs and lifestyle as I had already hit a dead end. I left Islam altogether September 2022 after about 6,5 years, and being an apostate is anything but popular. Many people actually believe religiously that I should be killed (I left much due to Salman Rushdie's attack), and I have for many other reasons also grown apart from most other male friends. PTSD from my teenage and early adult years, and then of course Islam, hasn't helped either. I find it impossible to start over with new friends being in my 30's now.
Luke 6.22 Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake.
I've had some great male coaches in a female dominated sport that had gone to the Olympics, and man it was so good for me to have that perspective of a regular masculine leader. They would hold me accountable and call me out when I was not doing my best and being a baby. I had great female coaches as well, but in that situation it was great to have that bond. They taught me strength and discipline, and I went far in the sport. Not only that, but those life lessons spilled out to all the other areas of my life. I am really grateful for that.
It's good premise. But depends on what sort of collaboration? Bali for instance has men collaborating in person......for instagram / facebook / social media stuff to sell meaningless stuff.
3 of my buddies who I could actually talk to about life and my thoughts and emotions all moved out of town. We still keep in touch but it’s not the same :/
In itself it's a good advice, but not for everybody applicable for the intended outcome under certain circumstances. For some men "maning up" for the sake of society is just a way of still not getting want their want. For instance, when you were a misserable and unsuccessful young man in many ways (*wink, wink*), he will hardly get anything out of a men collaboartion later in life. Because those later initiations may lead to him to conduct a passion and being "attractive" to the opposite gender, what on paper is good, but pointless. Since catching up everything what he missed before needs time... exactly that time, which is needed to start a family at a reasonable age. So in that case the society would still not benefit from that and won't likely in a greater and foremost needed scheme.
You actually see a lot of collaboration between Cheetah brothers. They're called coalitions and they are more loyal to each other than female cheetahs tbh.
Unfortunately, people are not loyal anymore. I have been backstabbed by people I have collaborated with yes. I will be fine on my own. Try to start a men's only group and watch how much hate you will receiv 6:11 e
Connor, why are you advocating for men to be more affilitative and relational? There are two huge problems with this point of view: -Affiliations all have a Code on Conduct (whether written, verbal, or unspoken) that governs the entire group. This can conflict with, sacrifice, or detriment a person's individuality. The strong tie to an affiliation then at a certain point hinders a person's personal growth instead of enhancing it. Also, the type of people who are hyper-affiliative and flock towards those groups may not provide quality partnerships. One example of a type is a person who is transactional: they see people and the world as assets and evaluate them solely on the potential value for themselves. They often measure what they receive from others in relation to what they provide. In the long run, they end up getting 10x what they gave. The other type is the "everything you can do, I can do, tit-for-tat type". These characters will observe someone receive some sort of treatment and will immediately begin declaring that they are entitled to the same. Even if the other person received that exceptional treatment due to an emergency or special situation. The "Tit-for-tatter" will eventually strong-arm their desired result if needed. Not because they are in any emergency, but to spite the initial recipient. Either of those types of people can have someone inundated in drama and chaos, even as they individually live peaceful and conscientious lives. -The issue with relationalism is that it also detracts from the individual. It states a person's overall value as: If you're surrounded by s***, then YOU ARE S***!!! Both of those premises result in an unfair labeling of a man due to circumstances, things, & people outside of one's sphere of influence. There's only so far a man can expand that sphere, and even that metric varies from man to man based on their skills, insight, & interests. Thus, some men function better and live more productively as lone wolves, or in very small groups. Those are the men who tend not to allow themselves to be judged and measured by the exterior, the exterior eventually has to follow them! As the saying goes: The Uniform does NOT make the man. The man MAKES the uniform!
I get what you're sating and don't disagree with the premise. Yes, being a part of a group, especially the wrong group, can cause one to lose aspects of their individual identity. Groups that ask individuals to be less of who they are intrinsically are not the groups i'm talking about. Conforming is the aim of what i'm talking about, but I whole heartedly agree with you that many of the groups and relationships out there ask men to cut themselves off from aspects of who they authentically are. In my eyes, being relational is a skill and an asset, not a weakness. Same with being in a group. Yes your identity and individuality can be impacted or influenced by your relationship or the groups you inhabit, all the more reason to choose them wisely. Learning to deal with or navigate different personality types in group environments is an asset for you as a man. At least in my opinion. We don't have to lose who we are by being in relationship with other, we can actually strengthen who we are by being a contribution to those we wish to serve and support.
It's not always universally relevant though. When it comes to earning a living, by definition, nobody can do it for yourself but you. Even if you work for the biggest company/group/institution, it's only your own effort on the job that contributes to the paycheck that has your name on it. It's every man for himself.
