I had a FWB relationship for the first time in my life the sex is amazing when we first met we went on a date, then we later started hooking up which got more intense over time, he also recently became more open and affectionate suddenly I started dating but started to think about him more as a result. Then I opened up about considering a relationship with him he ran for the hills what can I do? I want to not even bother as a result because I feel like I wasted my time, right now I'm missing the sex already. I really like him or is it the sex, what can I do to keep this going what do I say? I'm trying not to text I already did, Please help?
It's sadly obvious that most of the comments on this video don't get it. When you give the ultimatum, it's all about you. YOU. Not about when he will come back or what if he contacts you or anything else. It's about what you want. And if you stick to what you want, and stop thinking about losing him, then you have self respect. And when you have self respect, then you gain respect from those around you. He will have more respect for you even if he doesn't want to be with you. Move on. Period. It's that simple. You don't want him if he's not 100& into you. You will feel great about yourself when you make these kind of decisions, to not compromise. to hold out for what you really want and deserve.
All my 3 committed relationships started as FWB. In fact we started as one night stand then they became my Bf for couple of years. My advice is never send a text first after sleeping with him,wether it would take weeks or months, just dont! be relaxed dont be needy, do your thing dont expect anything from the guy except good sex lol. Only make an effort if he had made an effort for you. also be attactive all the time, from health, hygiene and clothing. Be a nice person when you’re around him, Don’t show shitty attitude, ( that’s the reason men don’t want to commit because of certain attitudes they don’t like) give him a fun, postive experience when around him then go radio silent when not around him, he is not a special guy yet until he has shown u his interest level has gone up to 100. Just sex only nothing more. I know it’s easier said than done but i have been in that situation before . You have to change your mentality about sex and love. ( those two different things) You need to think and act like a man when you enter into a casual relationship.
@@andreanavarro2341 excuse me? One of my ex proposed to me after we separated for about 2 years. But i am already dating other guy that time. The point here is it’s not about the sex, if you put value only in sex you’re missing something. You have so much to offer other than your body.
@@andreanavarro2341 what’s the difference if you give up your body tonight, next week, after 3 months or make him wait for a year. If the connection isn’t there he will look elsewhere. Or if he gets bored quickly bcos you’re not good enough either way he’s gonna leave.
So big question is, do you want a guy who says yes to an ultimatum? IMO if it comes down to an ultimatum he's not into you enough to be worth it. Down the line, you will still have forced him into a relationship. It's hard to let go, but just remember you're not holding onto something great
Melmeli 84 although he's 100% right that you shouldn't wait around either. If you feel like you need to force things, just move on. Who wants a man they have to drag kicking and screaming into commitment? :)
The Sex Reporter well I see your point I think he's just saying like you have to let the guy know that you want something more but don't push the issue before 6 to 8 weeks. But I do see your point.
Missing the point. The ultimatum is not about him, at all. The ultimatum is about you - what you want. It's not even an ultimatum, really. It's you saying: I have feelings and if you don't, then I'm moving on. That's it basically. Then if he misses you to the point that he realizes you really are someone he wants to commit to, great. Unfortunately guys are like that. The most important aspect of this video is that you have enough self-respect to walk away from a situation that isn't giving you what you want. You are not walking away in order to force anything! You are walking away because you love yourself and want what you know you deserve. As opposed to worrying about whether you'll lose him - that's the worst mindset to have. Walk away even if you'll miss him and lose him. It's all about you.
Elliot please mention that when you give the ultimatum space that you may find yourself not even wanting the guy back when he comes a knocking!... You wouldn't think it at the time but time and space gives you time to think and evaluate too...
Yup just happened to me and the ex-fwb reached out after I walked away and blocked him from everywhere. Well I don't want him anymore 😂 I truly moved on and didn't look back I deserve better.
I feel like the only way to be in a relationship is to never get in a friends with benefits relationship in the first place lol. I had a fwb before, and I wanted so bad for him to love me and want me in a relationship... I feel like your heart just gets broken because you lose your hope
Yep. They give you tons of hope and then let you down every single solitary time. It's a sad n sick game. They know what they are doing. F that S! I'm DONE w/it and it actually feels gross to me now.
One of your most helpful videos! Most girls don't know guys are bullshitting them when they say "give me a few more months and I'll be ready." NO. It doesn't take a month to recognize sunshine. They should know after engagement with you if they can picture you being their girlfriend. And in order to cross that bridge, they have to visualize you being a plus in their life.
This is spot on advice!! and it works😆😆 If the guy wants to be with u!! It's a sure fire way to find out...we are amazing ladies!! My mama always told me this about men, "They all gonna want u in some way...but YOU get to decide!!" Let's know our worth as beautiful, intelligent, sexy ass women!! Love your channel ES💋 I dig the hell outta your blunt advice🙌🙌🙌
Get you a roster so you won't be as invested in the person that refuses to commit. Think in abundance. Create new relationships. If that person refuses to commit, there is someone out there that will. Believe in it.
Oh my gosh...this is very much like my situation with a guy I've been seeing for 3 months. He originally wanted to be friends with benefits and I agreed to be casual as well. Few weeks in, I realize I liked him more than FWB and told him I couldn't keep being physically intimate with him. He then told me that this was more than casual and he would like to date me because he liked me. We dated, he'd be hot and cold, we had good times and we'd have arguments, where he assured me that what we had was good and he wanted it to work. Fast forward two months, he dumped me(or broke things off over text) and after watching this video, I realized my value went down when I should've been firm. I reached out to him saying that I missed him and our good times but it's been 20 days no contact and I plan to keep it that way. I should know my worth and what I want, not letting my worth be determined by another guy.
Vy Nguyen I feel you know a guy name Humberto I feel he just wants friends with benefits and I think he has a girlfriend, I think I'm going to back off being friends with benefits because I think I love him now
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Chellerosetru lol I watch videos like this in the middle of the night too. I thought this was a great series of videos because I met a guy through Facebook long story but I posted an ad for some clothes and it turned into this thing where people thought I was being racist because I'm goth and asked about black women's clothes and people took that to mean that I was being racist like I wanted African-American clothes and he was one of the guys in my selling groups on Facebook that jumped to my defense. I thought he was cute so I sent him a message to talk to him just to see what he was about and we started talking over the next two months and found out that we were into the same kind of stuff same music everything and we just met last week in person and things went really really well but we've agreed to be friends with benefits and see where it goes. I agree with the fact that after 6 to 8 weeks if it hasn't progressed past that that I'm going to ask him where he sees it going. If he doesn't want to be with me that I'm just going to move on completely because I know that I'm smart and strong and beautiful and we'll find a guy that wants to be with me. If he doesn't then there's plenty of fish in the sea. It took me a long time to get to the point where I was comfortable being alone because I was with the same guy for 18 years. I agree with you though.
TheClauah no, its not true :( we just live in a society that puts pleasure first sadly.. Everyone likes pleasure, but its not sustainable if it comes first and foremost sadly... hope this made sense! Maybe try "a different pond"? There are a few good guys out there still. Good luck.
This is my favorite video you've done. Lots of valuable insight and knowledge. I'm currently going through this and it's been hard to rip off the proverbial band aid but I know it's necessary. Thank you!
You are the best dating/relationship coach ever ! So glad I found your channel. And I downloaded your free guide today and I'm loving it soo much ! Thanks !!
Thank you Elliot! This came in handy for sure, started talking to a guy and he pulled away so I gave him the ultimatum and walked away 🤷♀️ I removed him from my social media … done with him.
FWB will kill me. If that much work is needed then he's not the guy for me. love should be organic and natural. even at the very small percentage that you do success, he probably won't stick around too long. This is depressing but good to know.
I've been watching your newer videos up until now! Just seeing your hair haha. Love your videos, you are definitely the best at what you do. Thank you so much
Hello Elliot Scott! I dont know if youll read this, since this particular video is quite old, but nevertheless, i really need to thank you! A huge huge THANK YOU to you, from me, from far away overseas, a 31 year old struggling woman. I had to cope with a breakup this year, I had to cope with every single thing you talk about. Can you imagin, what HUGE help you hae been for me????? I HOPE SO!! I watch your videos everyday, and everynight before i go to sleep. Your voice is the last thing im hearing before i shut off my laptop at night. You give me so much power, strength, faith in myself, you help me believe in MYSELF, concentrate on MYSELF, you help me TRULY UNDERSTAND MEN! Thank you for this empowering learning experince!! AND: Personally, I think you're an eight ;-) I would love to see your beautiful hair down :-D All the best! Yours Truly ;-)
I just txted him saying I wanted more and about us ending our fwb. We work in the same place so I want us to still be friends so he replied saying I understand your decision and the time we spend was a amazing, I hope he misses me but also sort my life out too
Thank you so much. I like how you get straight to the point and don't beat around the bush with a bunch of stuff that I have to try to memorize. It's good advice that's short and sweet and easy to remember. I have ADD so I have a short attention span so this is great for me LOL. Thank you and keep making these great videos.
Thank you so much, after ai blocked him everywere, he came back and invited me even to go on vacation with him, 4 days we were together - day and night.. but he was talking to other girls (messages) and it botters me. Im 7 years older then him and this girls are younger then me. Now I‘m back home in my apartment and I decided to don‘t answer his messages and ignore his calls... and when he gets crazy, I will make an ultimatum & tell him again that I want a relationship
My situation was different we got on amazingly. Met him of tinder, we spent time together in and out thr bedroom. Then after two months he became ill and backed away. I gave him space and after a week confronted him. Was he ok etc.? He did a slow fade. Couldn't be honest i just felt it. He completely changed like over night 😔 im starting to think he met someone else and couldn't be honest to safe me from hurt. I wish he had then i wouldn't of doubted myself worth 😢 So i told him i felt different energy between us and i was walking away. He said thank you for everything and boom gone.. Ive been left in tears, I lost a good friend, a connection and now doubt myself.. Painful shit. Ill never do fwb again. Lesson learnt. Sex isn't everything.
Hi Elliot! I have a question on what to do after you give the guy the ultimatum. You said that if he says no or doesn't comply with you wanting more that you need to move on and pull out 100%. But and if he comes back and offers to give you what you want, then it's fine to decide if you choose to take him back or not. However, I'm wondering if using the no contact method would be beneficial in this situation? If he tries to reach out is it best to just ignore him and have no contact for awhile, or will that mess up any chance you have of getting him back? Would that raise your value and show that you're not willing to put up with his BS anymore? Just wondering what your views are on the no contact method in general and if you find it to be effective. Would love if you made a video on this topic as well. Thanks!
Yes well I got into a FWB relationship because the guy I was with told me he did want an exclusive, love relationship with me. I advised against it but went ahead after being FWBs for a month. He asked me to move in with him which I did but after three weeks he wanted me to move out. Now he doesn’t wanna relationship. I seem to be the one that cares about him while he doesn’t act like he cares about me, but doesn’t want to let me go when I suggested we walk away. His reason was that he loves having sex with me and doesn’t want to lose me for that reason. We have now been seeing each other for a year (cause we love the sex) But I have love feelings for him as well. He remains adamant about not having A love relationship. I told him that a relationship for long-term is what I am seeking and I will date until I find that person and then I will walk away from him. His response was if that happens I will wish you well. There is no way to get this guy, I feel like he is emotionally unavailable and afraid of getting hurt
Elliot, The man- bun is alittle askew ( lol), but I got alot out of this video! Your advice really resonated with me! I have an ex- fiance who is orbiting and wants fwb. To quote you, " I'm not about that life!" Also, I thought I wanted him back , but you explicitly said, "DON'T CHASE!!!" I am SO glad I found you.
well.my fwb and i, are having an awesome time but his ex will not accept the fact thst he is single and enjoying life.she has been nasty towards me now, trying to get the upper hand here. trying to manipulate him, lying to him to get to me etc.* wantint to talk to me * . what should i do? We get along great, me and him. and we are not looking for a relationship. we are great friends too. shall i just re block her, ignore her completely , or let her confront me? ....she is making my anxiety worse..
Heidi Jean-Risme in my opinion I would tell him no because then that's just going to teach him that he can treat you in whatever way he wants and you're just going to keep putting up with it. I had an ex who mistreated me really bad and finally I put my foot down with him and told him no more that I was done and that I wasn't going to be around anymore and guess what? He started chasing after me like there was no tomorrow and actually gave up every other girl he'd been talking to and now sometimes he contacts me so much it annoys me LOL then again we were together for a long time but if he sees that you have other prospects and you have things going on in your life your value is going to go way up in his eyes. Hope that helps. Just remember that you deserve someone who will commit to you 100% and not be on the fence. Blessed Be.
Giving him more time gives him the opportunity to learn you are the best woman he's ever been with and your behavior validates that to him and he tells you. Even with a breakup eventually because you develop feelings he will have more reasons to miss you and it will take an exceptional woman to meet the standards you set with him.
I wish I had seen this video 10 years ago when I was in this kind of situation with someone and should hav3 clearly told him that I wanted a relationship. By the time I realized it; it was too late and he refused to see any future potential with me in a serious way. I wish RU-vid online dating coaches had existed ten years ago.
Hi Elliot, does this apply to divorced men (and women), too? Do you have videos and advice for women who have been married already and are not looking to get married and have children but still want a fulfilling relationship? xxx
How do you deal with it when he comes back or how do you know when he is serious? Should you make him prove to you that he's serious about a relationship?
Trying this moving on thing but if he texts... do I text back? He already texted me twice about completely random things and I responded "haha" and whatever bc I hate ignoring people. Should I just ignore him?... I wonder how this all relates after you've known someone for years and have been good friends before the hooking up. Cutting him off feels worse because I'm cutting off a good friend too. Elliot, if you've got a video on this, link me bro. Human emotions just suck
Hi hansom :). But Elliot- what to do if you move on and he comes back? Keep no contact for a while or what to say? He wrote me yesterday asking how I´ve been and if I´ve found love. Dont ´´know what to say. Thinking I should just ignore it.
Right, Have a serious question for you @elliot scott. here's the "story" We have guy A. He meets the girl C 3 or 4 time's and the space of 3 year. when they see each other they talk but don't know each other, and dont have each other's contact details. Girl C after 3 years meet's guy B. Girl C loves guy B because he seems genuine smart loving and has things he can teach girl C. Guy B and girl C is dating a few month and then Visit Guy A. Then guy A and girl B realise they know each other. Guy A had apparently been trying to find girl C for a long time but couldnt because she did not give her name. Girl C and guy B break up, a few weeks later girl C gets a text message from guy A. ( which I dont know how he got C's number) asking her to go to his. Girl C thinks she will go through and both A & B will be there but only A is. C asks if B is ok and he is apparently. C and B start "hooking up" girl C really likes A, and he seems to like C too. After a few weeks they start dating. Then C gets a message from B to talk again. C is very confused, she does not know if these two guys are playing some really elaborate game with her. Or if both are genuinely interested. The main question here is, is it possible for two long term friends to both love the same person. and how would they work it out between them ? or is this a big game? Thanks
There is a great program you can purchase for $47 Called Love commands program by Scott Foster. It is the best $47 I ever spent. I got an ex who told me he hated me and would never speak to me again to actually come back around and start being cool with me again. You'll be shocked at how well the program works. A teaches you how to Think Like a Man and how to be less emotional when speaking to a man so that he won't see you as a threat to his security and will actually see you as a valuable person he needs around. These are great videos though too because I have a short attention span due to add and some of that stuff is hard to remember for me. I had to take notes but it's definitely worth the $47 spent.
because if you'd let anyone know you watch/listen or have a dating coach people assume something is wrong with you.. kind of like when men assume if you are beautiful and don't have a boyfriend or are married then surely it's because you are a psycho or have issues.. Sometimes a woman just likes to be alone or simply hasn't found someone who's caught their attention in a way that would make you consider to be in a relationship with. And it's nothing against dating coaches because the same goes for life coaches or psychologists.
i feel like this is really hard to follow if you're best friends (like legit BFFs) with the guy lol as with my current situation...i feel like there was a point where i said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing and ended up in what we are now...i just wonder if there is a plausible and effective way to reverse this and get him possibly thinking of having a relationship with me. it seems unlikely though.
Friends with benefits does not work for a relationship. I have move on.He keeps texting me.How much he miss me n so on.But:not a relationship. Like always friends with benefits. I stop being friends with benefits. We still are good friends. Nothing wrong with that.
What do you do if you did meet them online, were fwb for a year, and they keep coming back to you after every boyfriend? Then they get bored after talking to you for 2-3 days and go hook up with other ppl? This dude keeps coming back and saying he wants to hang, then canceling. Used to like me and wanna date me someday, now I’m not sure wtf he wants with me...😓
You just didn't give a sh.t to refilm this video after the burp. Gosh :) It is so distracting, I can't stop laughing I'm watching it the 3rd time but still haven't managed to pass through it :D
Is it ok to stay friends with the guy after he says no? friends meaning just talk once in awhile but not hang out or anything. just casual texting. no hard feelings type.
I guess he’s just bored. If not hang out why still talk?? Unless you don’t mind it. But you need to be clear that nothing will happen between you and him and you are Okay with that otherwise you’ll get hurt again eventually
People sleep on Friends with Benefits but in the end.. to have a lifelong partnership with your best friend that you're passionate about actually isn't a bad thing... its these toxic relationships that don't work long term.
Great video. Spot on. I recently gave him the ultimatum and then removed myself completely from his life. No orbiting whatsoever. After two months, I acknowledged his birthday via an email. His returned email said he missed me. I gave to wonder if he will ever take action on his feelings or not. Thoughts?
You look like a lovely woman.. you deserve so much better. I would not have contacted him on his birthday, as it means you were thinking about him to then break the 2 months of No Contact. Anyone who says things (but takes zero action) does Not deserve even a second of your time. I wish you well.
You’re so funny!! But you just said the opposite of your other FWB video which was to NOT give him an ultimatum or cut off sex if you’re trying to turn a FWB into a relationship or he will just leave. I’ve already been trying to find another guy especially since my FWB lives in NPB 3 hours away there’s just nobody I want to date around here I never meet anyone.
Shit! I removed myself completely out of his life and just yesterday he blocked me on fb after 3 months of me complete silence. Wtf? The more I see is behaviour the more I laugh. She can have his problems.
He knows what I want I’ve told him but he still wants to see me but telling me one day I’ll meet someone who will be my husband it’s hurting a bit but I don’t get it why we are not just friends with benefits this is something more he told me so is it age gap only which holding him back? I don’t know what to do🥺
so the goal is to start a FWB relationship really knowing yourself and what you want out of it. Being completely honest with yourself is the first step.
