When it comes to Limerence, a big foundation that actually sustains this fantasy thinking, is entertaining the alternate scenarios, the exceptions, and the meaning behind things that are hopefully something other than what they seem. My responsibility as someone who truly wants to help you get out of Limerence is to not use the what ifs as bait to keep bringing you here & entertain you, while you find relief in hoping I say there’s an exception *for you* because I won't. Not because I know you or your story but, by me entertaining what ifs I am keeping you now hooked on my content without really serving you through it. The sentiment behind this video is to stop entertaining the what-ifs because that’s just denying what’s in front of us, looking for exceptions, & staying stuck. And that’s how limerence is sustained. If you are looking for what-ifs, you maybe you are not ready or fully aware of how limerence, or just, this obsessiveness is impacting your life just yet. I have a whole playlist on Limerence & content is here for you to work through - & so are the resources. Use them & heal so that we can move on to the doors that this will open for you; the doors to your "esoteric odyssey", & the journey back to yourself.
If you treat someone as a celebrity, you'll always just be a fan. Another quote on limerence that I have first heard from maleeka, is my guardian angel.
Your videos are amazing. And you are right about “deciding” to stop. I stopped when I journaled all the negative ways in which limerence for each of my LO affected me and I focused on the negatives of limerence. But indeed I DECIDED to stop it. It was like a drug. So addictive. And I had been indulging in limerence from the age of 6. I’m 35now. It was a horrible experience. I love your tough love . And you can’t help anyone, but only those who want to help themselves and put in the work ❤️❤️❤️
Sadly, I don't think I could have gotten out of limerence voluntarily. I was in a kind of late-stage-alcoholism version of limerence when the object of my "affection" randomly decided to date me...and it was the biggest nothing...I mean actually the most boring romantic relationship I've ever experienced. It's like coming out of a fugue state. I know that at some point I felt huge, fantastical emotions about this person, but now I just feel empty. It is so strange to just not want him anymore. The hardest part is coming to terms with all of the wasted years. That said, I am relieved and grateful everyday to be finally free from the worst addiction I've ever experienced.
Same. I’ve engaged in limerance since I was 6 years old. Wasted so many years and fixated on people when I could have been pursuing so many other things and living life. A few times the same thing happened to me where I had huge feelings for someone who had broken up with me after a short relationship and then finally after so many years or months of wanting them and obsessing over them, they wanted to be with me and I realized how much I didn’t even like them.
Im in a severe limerence state now. Know this girl for 1.5 year now. She wants distance now.. we even been on vacation together recently. This did not make my obsession less. Im waking up in the middle of the night in panic and the first thing I think about is her with this awfull feeling, cant sleep cant eat and keep ruminating over and over. Im so far now that I just want out. Im done. I had substance addiction before this, clean for 2 years. And now I have this BS. This is not life it is agony and I want out. God have mercy
I hear you. Its like the same thing but a different substance. Look at my description box & find the free hypnotic experience. Try it. It will help you 💜
Thanks i will look for that. Im so desperate. She isnt replying to me for several days now. And i am texting her for couple of days now. I cant seem to stop and have to destroy all things. Do you have tips for no contact? This withdrawal is so brutal, even more brutal than many substance withdrawal..
@@agcehstay strong, it will get better. Some things that helped me were to keep busy with work and hobbies, remind yourself the limerance object is only human and not perfect, also try to get out and around other people. My limerance was the worst late at night when I was alone with my thoughts.
@@agcehshe met someone else, It will feel impossible but you must move on. Be happy for the time you had with her. It's an offensive statement but she is never yours, it's just your turn.
@@albertwesker8883 thats the whole point. She was never mine. Never more than 'just' friends. Never reciprocated my feelings. And I developed a magnificent obsession. Yeah im 'moving on'.. been out of contact for couple of weeks now, and ofcourse because she blocked me now. She does not want contact anymore she gets uncomfortable if shes with me she said. I also made some not so wise comments, so the friendship/relation is broken. And i'm now in full No contact for 10 days, and full no contact i mean: No watching photos, no reading old texts, not checking socials etc. Ofcourse I think of her ALL the day, anywhere, everywhere but I dont act on it. She is like a demon in my head... and its going nowhere, its such a waste of time but I cant stop it.... God have mercy
I gathered two years ago that finding out what limerence is doesn't make it stop. It does make it easier, though. At least I know my condition so I can look for a cure. I remember there was a relief at that moment. I thought: oh this is not real, it's something my brain made up. So for a moment, I had the power. However, turns out that the brain is a tough cookie. Wouldn't let go of this soothing mechanism easily. So now I talk to my brain. I soothe it when it gives me anxiety. I say: it is all right brain. We are all right. We are safe.
I appreciate how intimate this video is. ❤️ Please don’t waste your youth,vitality and whole existence hoping for an illusion someone. Love yourself and see how amazing you really are and that you are a real person who you can spend your time loving and understanding and growing into. Let me tell you. That person you are in limerence with. You will growto be bored of and will feel lukewarm towards. So it’s much easier to move on when you rise up. It happens organically. These people will get out of your way and you will forget they even exist.
i‘ve had limerence for a couple of times in my life all lasted 1-3 months, the most recent one was really bad I couldn't get out of it in month 3, I was very lucky to come across one of your videos where you said "if they don't leave their girlfriend/boyfriend and marry you in south of France it means they don't want to do it. No matter what their words or what you deducted from it" I downloaded that part and listened to it everyday, after a week I could see my situation very clearly and I am confident that I won't limerence on anyone for the rest of my life. You just need to see things as what it is, it sounds simple but can be very hard when you have rose-colored glasses. Also you need to be willing to make the change. Like the proverb says "you can never wake a man who is pretending to be asleep"
“Do you think the relationship would be a healthy one”. Actually no and that’s what helps me. Because it’s so complex of a situation. I think I have unrealistic expectations of this person, but also I think this person is such a people pleaser that he will lie and bend the truth to tell me what I want to hear. And that’s not a person I need in my life. It’s just an unhealthy dynamic. Plus what I feel are passive aggressive comments.. Can’t live a life like that. Although I’ll admit some of what seems like passive aggression is probably just my brain being upset he’s not fitting my ideal mold perfectly. And he has a boyfriend. If he’s going to drop him for me, why wouldn’t he do the same to me? My mind and heart says it’s because we are different and we are meant to be. But if he’s so charming with me… He can do it to someone else and tell them what they want to hear. I wonder how many other people can say their LO has a part in this. It’s not their fault at all. But they’re def the perfect person to allow me to create a storm like this. And I know I’m not the only one. This person is easy to obsess over when they go out of their way to flirt and make you feel special and tell you what you want to hear. Laughing at your bad jokes to make you feel good. It’s kind of evil. But I can’t deny he does check almost all the boxes.. But I’ve got to forget about that. The other thing is, if I analyze his actions…. Dude is not into me. Someone who is into you, does not act this way. They’d be nervous. They’d give you looks. They wouldn’t say they think of you like a brother. So it wouldn’t work anyway. I just wanna move past the whole thinking I’m pathetic when I’m around him. Thinking my jokes are dumb and they’re amazing. Part of it is I think he’s a narcissist and I’m falling into the trap. He says little things to make me out to be a weirdo. But if I step back… he’s weird as hell. And tells bad jokes. He’s human. I have to take a step back and recall the times he’s stuttered too or said the wrong thing. We all make mistakes. I’m just seeing him on a better light. And I shouldn’t. Just need to find out how.
Yes we put the LO on a pedestal like they are perfect with no flaws. We are addicted to a fantasy version of them that we created. We obsess over wondering if they like us and focus on things we did wrong, instead focus on the fact that they are human and we all quirks and flaws. I had limerance for a man I met online 15 years ago! He would manipulate me so badly, he kept coming in and out of my life for 15 years! Thankfully I was able to learn what limerance is and I’m finally over him!
@@MelModica thank you so much for the reminder. I’m so glad you got over it!! Yes I see the flaws not there really are too many great things that line up with me. However I really don’t line narcissists and I feel like he is one. I feel like this isn’t entirely my fault. I think he works really hard to convince myself and others that they are a lot like whoever they are talking to. A people pleaser for sure. Just a bad combo of people. Going through life as a narcissist he probably because a professional at knowing how to do this. Probably knew my exact type before even talking to me. But sometimes I feel like I’m making that up in my head to cope. But idk I don’t think so.
No what ifs from me. Limerence for someone I know has been a way of coping with grief for my dad and being a reluctant caregiver for my narcissistic mother. It helps me escape, but I know it's not serving me well. I want to stop, but my responsibilities keep me stuck. It's a vicious cycle, but I'm trying to let go. Thanks.
As someone who got free from limerence, i do not completely agree with you, when you’re in a deep state of limerence you’re literally addicted and obsessed, there’s no way to just choose to stop. On the contrary, what served me the most is to embrace the situation, no contact, choose acceptance and start practicing non-attachment (do not mistake with detachment). By following that path, you will always have yourself to hold you, you heal from within and most importantly , the limerence object becomes a reminder for you to focus on your life, you can still love but from a healthy place, honoring the experience you had as growth opportunity.
You met the right person, but you are the wrong person. Cheesy quote I read online but this is true of limerence. We think we've finally met someone to fulfill that void but we're just actually projecting. The thing is, I wish one day, I know what reciprocated love actually feels. But I'll never love again. I don't wanna risk falling into limerence again.
Thank you, as always, for sharing your thoughts. IIt's like the cliche that the addict has to want to change, but It's true. We can know we need to change, we can desire it, but until we really accept that it is now our intention to change, until it's present within us then it likely won't happen. Once it is there, you'll know, you'll feel it and it will push you forward to do the things you need to do to make it your reality.
This video just made it onto my feed. Holy 💩!! Love your content! Never apologize, you are on point about all this trauma bond change co-dependency-compulsive fixation. I have lived in this state on and off for so long. Thank you for the tough love ❤
Hello Evita, thank you for all of your powerful videos on this and another psychological topics, this is so uplifting that we have such good specialists on RU-vid and everyone can find some great content on the issues they are struggling with. I am not an English speaking person and English is not my mother tongue so forgive any mistake, but I really could not find a really good reasoning and explanation of my issues in my language, and maybe for that reason I came across your channel... And when I am listening to your videos, everything seems so clear and understandable... You are really speaking the truth of this annoying condition called limerence. It is so true that obsessions are taking very much of our precious time while we just cannot find fulfillment in life, and you are really giving answers to, I guess, many people who are trying to stop thinking about someone or something, forget about someone and so on. I wanna tell you that this is a great job you are doing and you can be so proud of your videos, they are really worth watching and listening to! And they are really catchy! ❤
Wow. I want to thank you for this video. I have the resources and tools I need to cope in a different way, and now it's time to be accountable for my life and thoughts. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for opening our eyes. As I've been reducing the limerence I have seen breaktrhoughs in my daily life. It's not easy but I'm getting good results. NO MORE LIMERENCE. Thank you so much
Your limerence videos are the only ones that have actually explained to me what I am experiencing, validating the feelings and have opened my mind to healing. ❤️🩹
*i just looked up this word, limerence. i'm paused at **3:13** and can't listen to another word you have to say. i know you're gonna try to rip my heart out and i'm not going to let you.*
I’m a lesbian who’s fallen for a woman friend who is in a long-term relationship with a man. I know we have so much in common, such a deep emotional connection. I could bring more happiness into her life than her male partner can. But that’s just the límerence talking to me. All I told her is that I’m attracted to her, without going into anymore detail. Then I tried to casually smooth things over so that we could possibly have some friendship and just socialize in a group. But the intensity of my vibe scared her. She ghosted me and blocked me on her phone. I’ve seen her in large-group spaces and avoided her. Just seeing her face triggered a deep shame and even a rage inside me. Now I’m staying away from places where she goes. Sometimes she shows up at other places, which makes me frustrated, but I just avoid her. I don’t want to be around someone who is uncomfortsble around me, or even afraid. i want womens comfort and safety to be of the utmost importance to me. I'm reaching out to get emotionally closer with my friends. 💕
