Well done Rory, this is bang on the money. I'm with the farmer guy who just wants a simple basic phone to call and txt and bang off the ground when it falls. P.S. you forgot the phone having a light to see cows calving in the dark!
At least in eir the customer actually explains the problem in Vodafone they just look at you and you have you guess why the came in to the shop because they don't even know them selves.