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That’s so true. Little moments give it away. I had a lightbulb moment when I was talking about films with a man who I was not yet dating, but just working with, and we got talking about the films that always made us cry. I told him mine and he went and watched it that afternoon, just to see what it was that effected me so much. He told me how he felt a couple of months later. There are good ones around, promise!
A man actively pursues what he wants with no ambiguity and in no uncertain terms. Mixed signals is the equivalent of a NO, ladies. Move on and don’t (continue to) waste your own time.
If he takes you out , spends his money , prays for you , fights and comes back , do dumb things because it makes you happy He loves you. Mine only fought with me.
You’ve perfectly explained the dating experience of single women. Men only agree to casual sex first “then see how things go”. I know this dude is trying to help inform and educate about men’s behaviour however after 12 months attempting to date online, needing to connect with someone sexually first is beyond problematic and quite shallow and dangerous.
I think men get really nervous when the woman he has been chasing starts paying attention to him too Their insecurities come alive and they worry about being good enough
This is actually true. It's a weird thing how a guy can have so much confidence when he thinks that he doesn't actually have a chance with anyone he likes. Things get scary when he realizes he might actually have something to lose. But this is short-lived so if you really like him just stick with him and he'll get back to feeling comfortable soon : ) actually more confident after all is said and done.
@@timefliesaway999 If that's how you wanna look at that then that's fine. It's not always that way, but if it's not then it's possible he doesn't like you that much. I think it's natural to be nervous around someone you like, and we all have insecurities. I think also when we're looking for a life partner one of the things we value is compassion, and for the space to be transparent. So I think, even subconsciously, it's a part of the process to let our guard down a bit to see if this person is able to help build us up and not further tear us down. No one is a finished product and if we feel like we're better off continuing to work on ourselves and our confidence on our own, then that's going to be a turn off.
@@bipolard00d17 wdym? I never mentioned a man liking me or me liking a man... also never said that he might be nervous around me or anything?! Maybe you answered to a wrong channel?!
I’m sooo glad you mentioned all the effort some men may put in, just to obtain “Option A”. That’s not talked about enough! I have a man in my life who does all the listening, making me happy, chasing me, overcoming obstacles, caring about my life and comfort, etc... JUST to have the chance for “Option A” with me. And for years that threw me in for a loop because his actions were that of a person who loved someone!
yeah I've met two of this type of men. Fortunately while I was still rather young (early 20s) so it kinda make me wiser now & save a lot of pointless dating. But of course, women who never experience this would never believe there are men who would go to such extent of being a "husband material" just to sleep with us & accuse me of being negative (or I was at fault for my past relationship) whenever I advice them to always have some doubts on men they're dating. Turned up I always right.
@@yvasquez2449 all the men do that with their girlfriend until they find the one.. because this is the best option they have AT that moment. Boyfriend means for a woman that he IS a candidate for marriage Girlfriend means for men a way to have sex on a regular basis. That's all.
it’s never happened to me and that’s because i cut off all guys who i sense just want to talk to me to keep me as an option. women need to tap into their intuition more. it will help save us from these type of men. stay grounded in yourself and feel the energy in your body. you will know when the guy is just trying to keep you as an option. also the way they react when you reject them for it is so funny😂.
It happened the exact way, when i was emotional the first time. I was cyring, trying to hide it, but he noticed and asked me about what happened, if he said or did something?. I was unable to talk about the problem, so i was just silent, but he continue to asking, and hugging me. He was sooo sweet, that after i felt sorry for him to worrying that much for me. After we talked about the problem, it seems it was nothing, i was just exaggerated something... but still he was so understanding and kind. I think he really loves me, and don't wants to risk loosing me.
I met a man last year who put in an amazing amount of effort for Option A. When I realized this, and told him flat out I was leaving him be (and not giving him Option A at all), he ghosted and I never heard from him again. 😂
Whst if sex came on the wedding night then years later it is found out that spouse A was actually gay and using spouse B? There is no perfect science even when ypur partner claims to believe in God and prays with you.
I think it is true that there are definite signs of emotional attachment in the course of things. However, keep in mind that men, like women, can 'act' and 'put in effort' of emotional attachment, in heavy doses when they want to or initially to get into favor, but as with narcissists, this can be a way to draw you in for the 'use of you'. SO, if a person you are dating or getting to know can keep up the emotional effort with consistency for a longer period of time than say about 6-9 months, you may have the real thing. I do think you are also right about the initial period - you don't want a 'love bomber' but you want to see if he is interested in getting to know the real you, and puts in some effort there first.
Was talking to this guy who seemed to “fight” for me, I was confused by the way he’d call/msg knowing I’d tell him to kick rocks, it made me sad the way he’d politely accept defeat and try again in a couple months, I admit there were times I accepted him out of admiration for his “effort”, and questioning whether it was me just rushing things, he drove through heavy snow, rain, and even to another city and back for me, most times for company, a cuddle, and of course sex, and it was ALWAYS ALWAYS at night. There was a brief moment in the connection where he kicked it into high gear, did the things I’d been wishing him to do, it was a beautiful couple weeks and that was it. This went on and off for 2.5 years. I was so confused, what man puts in this much time and energy if he only wants sex? What man drives an hour in sleet just to hang out in the car if he doesn’t have feelings for me? It was in his eyes, I’d catch him stare at me with joy written all over his face, he started opening up to me, he loved to hold me, he’d listen to me talk and talk and talk happily. I convinced myself he was silently in love and now I’m realizing that he enjoyed me for emotional comfort. I was a safe haven, and we were definitely attached, probably just two lonely people with aligning standards, but it was going no where. I had grown to love him and hopeful for us. He had his own shit going on, he attempted to be transparent but in a masculine/logical way, I needed more clarity on feelings. Its not on him to know what’s best for me, though I wish he’d had been man enough to tell me he was unwilling/unable to give me what I deserve. I adored him and am faithful to a fault. I say this bc this video helped me realize why I misinterpreted his “effort”, I was young, still am. It was a lesson for sure.
I am somewhat in the same situation now, it absolutely baffles me the amount of effort he put at the beginning and I was just getting pulled into his indecisiveness of his feelings. I guess I have to end things and move on.
really felt my heart beats fast while watching this vid. I'm actually dating a guy who's emotionally attached to me. And while you are talking about actions, efforts and everything, I really felt the sudden gush of my blood to my face lol he's exactly the man you are describing! and tbh, i'm also falling for him 💙 thank you for making this amazing vid! now, i'm really decided that I will say "yes" to him soon
I find that you know truly how someone feels about you by how they treat you after youve been physical with them. If they have no interest in you, they tend to phase out and stop talking to you right after being physical. If they are actually interested, they will stick around after those bedroom activities
I slept with my second husband on the first date. Some men want commitment! He and I worked together and saw each other daily! We longed for each other. Sadly he wanted to control.
That person may just like having sex with you so they don't have to start a whole new relationship and also you are not high maintenance...most men like to get what they want with the least possible effort as in "Why drive to pick up a pizza when you can have it delivered"
I think every guys pursuing a girl is very different. They may like you in the very beginning and put a lot of efforts in a way of getting to know you better. Sometimes, guys also do afraid of getting hurt or rejection if the efforts they put in and did not receive any reciprocate/response from the girl. And then they will slowly reduce the efforts and that’s when the girl will start feeling the guy is giving them a mixed signals. I see guys and girls both are equal, if one doesn’t feel being wanted or loved, they will walk away.
I'm opposite I want to sleep with him fast to see if I'm even bothered to go any further. If the sex doesn't work from the start then I wont be emotionally interested. Haven't we all tried to be all in love first and then sleeping with them makes you fall out of love quicker than anything. Such a waste of time. Must have been so sad in the old days were people would marry first and then find out they were completely incompatible in bed.
I feel like sex is a skill and is based heavily on communication. I wouldn't leave a relationship if my sex life with my partner is mediocre, however, I do agree if you both have mass different sex drives then yes that is something that wouldn't work out.
It will happen for you. What you think and speak becomes reality. Think positively and Manifest better for yourself in 2021. Optimism will create more awesome. I promise ☀️
I’m thinking about giving up. Imagine the feeling with the acceptance of it after the greif period. Like everything is FINE and GOOD and nothing is missing!
Thank you for approaching this tough subject! Knowing we don’t think alike but not understanding how they think puts us at a disadvantage when you genuinely care for a man and want to know if you are being understood. You just 100% summed this up for me! Thank you! Happy New Brian and Good Luck Everyone 😊
Thank you very much! My heart is so full that I can’t find the words. It is a true happiness and a blessing to meet such an intelligent, wise, kind person and a professional who knows the subtleties and intricacies of the human psyche. Your advice is inestimable and much-needed, and I am very grateful to you, thank you for your work. I`ll be looking forward to new videos from you.👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
this is very helpful to us to determine between the Bedroom Activities & Emotional Attraction. Thank you so much Brian! what a beginning Year 2021 with your tips, lessons & being our Coach. ❤️🥂🎉
He likes to sit with me and watch tv , lay together on the sofa, I’ve never been In a relationship with a man that didn’t want to be constantly physically touching me . He loves to give me an hug and a kiss when I get here . Then he cooks me dinner or gets us a take away . ❤
I have a question for you, Brian Nox. Do you not find it to be a generalization that you say, men can sleep with a woman, and still remain friends? I’ve seen women do this same thing, and hearing others verbalize these generalizations, puts me at unease, since it’s this kind of divide that breeds the toxic mindset of, well “boys will be boys “ and only have a “one track mind “ I don’t think all women are emotional creatures and that all men are disassociated from feeling. I think we should refrain from those types of stereotypes, don’t you think? All else aside, I think your videos are informative and well thought out.
He has panic attacks when I'm not around. But at times during my visit to see him, I feel I need to turn around and go home. Sometimes it feels toxic. He just dont get it.
Ohh my God!! He likes me ... 😊♥️ Afther 5 months of dating he became a big of an asshole one night and i confronted him with his behavior .. first he was aweful and really tried 2 put me down! So i left! And stayed away!! He started texting me ... i didnt send anything back.. and afther some days he wanted 2 talk.. again i was like "fuck off"! In those weeks he understood what he did and he really showed me his softer side.. he opened up 2 me and now we are happy 2 gether and he is giving me all the respect a woman deserves and i give him all my love (in a healthy way) It so worth it 2 respect yourself and never let a man bring you down!!
I have a question. How do males and females bond with each other? I don't see how men and women can bond (especially romantically) with each other. Women can build incredible friendships and become very close to each other in a way men can't bond, and science shows that women can bond very well with each other. Generally, women are even more social than men are. After something bad happens, a woman quickly rushes to talk to all of her female friends to get support, whereas a man can isolate himself and grief alone. Women tend to be more emotional, more caring, more empathic, more compassionate, more affectionate, more loyal, more nurturing, more understanding, more sympathetic, more sensitive, more kind hearted, more peaceful, more calmer, more gentle, more expressive, more intuitive, and more outward than men are, and thus bond more with other women in a special way that they can’t with men. Men, on the other hand, are not that emotional, and thus can’t bond with other men in a special way. Women are more comfortable being around with other women than they are with men. They have a type of bond that usually men with women won’t really have, or with men and men. Most women like to do affectionate things with their female friends like cuddling with them and holding their hands and be touchy-feely towards each other, while most men would never do affectionate things with their male friends (especially not cuddling with them or holding their hands or be touchy-feely towards each other). Men are usually much lonelier than women are. Men don't often talk about their personal problems with their male friends like how women do with their female friends. Females produce a lot more oxytocin than males do. And that's a reason why women tend to hug a lot more and be a lot more physically affectionate than men do.
So I'm a single mom. And I've been developing a relationship w a neighbor for about a year & a half. I get mixed signals, he is always around for major holidays, he actively engages & plays w my son, we can have deep convos, the way he looks at me sometimes!, the 3 of us usually spend 1-3 days a week hanging out. Its confusing, especially when the dynamic is very "family unit/nuclear family". I'm not even sure if I'd call us friends because of how much tension there always is (sexual/anxiety). There is a emotional aspect to it all for sure, we are all getting emotional needs met to a degree w the dynamic. But nothing physical eventhough there is obvious sexual tension. It's so intense & can be overwhelming
@@charlenebosiak8936 it was just his birthday & i wrote him a story about how i found a treasure box going into detail about this amazing treasure find & then saying he as actually the treasure. He responded well & said he cared about me too. We shall see
I'm trying to understand myself but I find myself overwhelmed and overthinking over the men that come into my life. I'm always left guessing and in my head. Reallly I just need someone to make effort and to not leave me out in the cold. It takes time but I need to be open to giving and receiving love in general. I'm trying and I'm being patient
I feel the same like you, it sometimes stress me out, being single is more happy and simple, life is complicated enough. But I do wish you can find a man who can show you that love isn't hard to get and just enjoy his love for you. ❤ Be happy
I could really use your advice Brian!😭.. Long distance connection..talked almost everyday for 9 months hes recently divorced I visited him in texas last month around my bday. He got me gifts. We had an argument night before I left. We talked about it said we were good. When I went home he was hot cold. Few days later he said it waa the argument that he was being distant. I was so confused. Now he said hes going thru something and is drained. I call him NYE. He mesaaged next day and said he will call. Still nothing. I dream of him all the time even when we were talking before I visited and 1 of my dreams came true. I do love this guy. I'm lost and being patient. Truly trying to keep myself strong.
YES, this is happening to me right now :( This guy at work is sending mix signals and i feel lost like he does these little things that no one else does like making sure i'm safe, I'm looking after my health etc. but he wants me to find another guy on this dating app, and to tell him when i go on the date, day, time etc.
Girl unless you’re ready to deal with the heartache don’t pursue anything until he’s been clear with what he wants. Same thing happened to me. Guy at work put in the effort for five months. First time we hung out at my place as "friends” he even said I should check out other people on dating apps and tried to sleep with me at the end of the night. Said he’s moving closer so he could start walking home with me three times when I didn’t even ask or bring it up. The moment I gave in he was pulling away and one day (two months later) was like hey I hope we don’t text like this anymore cause I like someone else and I’m like, “What...?"
@@mindytaylor4950 Which is why i only talk with him when must at work and focusing on moving career from retail and into Security. Yeah, he still wants to hang out after work when the weather gets better as i owe him a race so he says and he's still protective over me, which is cute. I'm still new to all this with guys as i'm 30 this year and never had anyone.
I read the story for you...guy is cute, so attentive but make no move to a relationship, actually encourages you to find a date? it is because he is not thinking about a relationship with you, sorry to say but he only wants bedroom activities...the true is just because a guy is not in love with you doesn’t mean he can’t be cute. They often are when they realise you like it and gets results with you
I got dumped on New Years and it’s been an emotional wreck for the last couple months, but I want to admit to him what’s going on and seriously try make it work but I feel so helpless.
He might have made the mistake of his life! If he hasn’t then don’t let him back, unless you absolutely adore him, but do be careful. This is a while ago now. What happened in the end, or is it still going on? I was dumped three years ago. It was great while it lasted, and I’m wracking my brains to work out who is going to float my boat now,, I feel a little cynical maybe.
I had a FWB and we didn't really make eye contact until the last day we saw each other...crazy but I felt him getting feelings and I think he felt the same because he blocked me the day after lmao..oh well
Amazing advice. Can you do a video on that last piece: “for as long as the relationship lasts”? I’ve been dating a great guy for 7 months but he hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. He’s newly divorced and that has given him an Avoidant attachment style. :-( He is pulling away. Without chasing him, I wish there were a way for me to draw him back.
I would say two things. I think we spend too much time giving guys these psychological outs. Reasons we should give them a break. The cold truth is, they don’t give us any breaks. They expect us to adjust to them and not the other way around. Ironically, I’ve found that most men respond a great deal more positively when you don’t accept their crap. Second. You can only draw him back by being very direct, but then letting him alone after you are. “Hey, I noticed you’re not around as much, and I’m not sure why. I enjoy your company. But if you’re having doubts, I understand. I’ll give you some time. When you’re ready to come back, I hope I’m still there. But if you’re just not ready. I understand.” In my time, I’ve learned, be kind and civil but not accommodating. Guys will completely take you for granted if you baby them and accommodate everything they seem to want. Don’t overthink that he went through this or that. Require out of him being a loving partner regardless.
It's so easy for you men to judge, what about all of us women who grew up with fathers who critised us and put us down at every opportunity ... don't blame us blame the men like my misogynistic and chauvinistic father who still treats my mother like shit! Thats why any man who was a teeny bit nice to me I fell for them, that's why a lot of us fail at relationships and fall so easily for "the bad guys" - it's our fathers "brainwashing" us that we'll never be good enough! Ask your subscribers if how many had a father figure like I had, putting all his efforts into making my life unhappy and breaking up the only good and loving relationship I had when I was young (as he always said he'd never married my mum if she hadn't been pregnant with me). Please take into consideration "bad" actually "very bad" fathers. Thank you. It's not our fault but the fathers and our mothers whom they control and abuse as well.
Love your channel, got one after me, I thought I had gave up, but this guy sure has been consistent, I'm going for it, I had to subscribe to you, you tell it like it really isse, if I get married, you sure will be invited lol thanks for all you do
What if he tries to understand my feelings but never does effectively? Even after I’ve given him the playbook. He says he can never meet my expectations. We were engaged after one year into a long distance relationship (300 miles). But the fights started as we tried merging our lives together. He shuts down completely and gets angry. At 2 years, I had to break this cycle and ended the engagement. I’m hopeful we can make it work between us. I’m putting in the work but I don’t think he is.
I have a question about mixed signals. I agreed with a guy I am seeing... no obligations, just keep it light and fun! Call it fwb or no strings attached. My choice to agree with this, not secretly hoping for more. Now the confusing thing, he starts to romanticize this connection. We spend weekend nights together, he is sweeter than any guy I dated for a long time. Has little attentions takes care of me as if I am a diamond. I am not made of stone and I feel I am getting more emotional involved than I intended at first. For me it was, a connection for what it is, light and fun, enjoying in the moment. Why would a man that wants no strings attached act like a BF and give you all the attention??? It is confusing, my head knows where we are at and that it would lead nowhere, yet his actions make my little heart melt unwillingly. Why o why?
Ask him. Tell him exactly that...”hey, we agreed on this but now you are giving me a different signal, what’s going on?” Don’t complicate things by guessing...just be open and honest.
Does this take into account the attachment styles? My understanding is that if someone is Avoidant they may run for the hills if the woman becomes emotional but it’s not a reflection of his desire for only option A. Avoidants simply avoid that level of emotional connection.
