Definitely true, but I consider myself a weird case - I will 100% understand these mechanisms when I analyze them on my own in silence, but I will still project them in tough situations with people.
@@Magihyun Sounds like maybe you just need a bit more time to exercise courage in being yourself. I say that not to diagnose or correct you but because I realized I've done what you stated so much of my life. I'm in the courage building stage myself which feels uncomfortable and a bit mean to me right now. Working on inner esteem and trusting my gut. Having been the family scapegoat it also feels risky when I'm courageous enough to be my true self.
@Magihyun I don't think that's weird at all. What you recognize as arrogant behavior in you may be part of your coping strategy in the face of some traumatic childhood experience. Thus, it would be normal for you to fall back into those coping patterns whenever you are in a stressful situation or any situation that you consciuosly or unconsciously associate with the setting of your primary trauma. Once you start working on those things, you may even become more sensitive and more easily find yourself in situations that trigger your trauma response.
My old therapist used to say "the bigger the front, the smaller the person behind it working the controls". I found that to be true, in particular when I used to be a voluntary harrassment and bullying adviser in addition to a paid role at a university I worked at. An incredibly arrogant and often rageful academic asked to see me in his office. I was crapping myself thinking I'd be in for a roasting for something I'd 'got wrong' with some work. He actually wanted my advice as he felt he was being bullied by other academics. He had tears rolling down his cheeks and looked like a scared little boy. As I sat with him I thought back to what my therapist had said and realised just how terrified this man was inside. I now only ever see that scared child when I witness such an arrogant facade and genuinely feel quite sad for them.
This was a tough one to listen to given how arrogant I used to be (and still am). The more I've come to know myself, the deeper it seems that this shield of arrogance goes, as if nearly every thought I have in my mind goes through some filter of 'specialness' before making its way into consciousness. I hope one day to maybe not break the walls but let them slowly melt and let the vulnerable scared boy out to a place he finally feels safe and accepted for who he always was. No more need to chase some idealised reflection, he can just be himself, as imperfect and lovable as he always was. Just a boy.
It’s so nice to hear that you recognize arrogance within you’re self, and are working on accessing your vulnerability and hopefully finding and healing your trauma! You’ve made the most important steps. I wish you well on your journey! 👏👏👏
That's wonderful to read. What helped me start recovering from an abusive relationship, was these thoughts -- ideas --- words would come into my awareness all the time. Stuff like "Nobody will ever love you", or "You're not good enough". And I had to stop myself and recognize that those words might not REALLY be my own thoughts or beliefs. They may not even be true. In fact, those ideas might have been put there by someone else!! So I was aware that my actual beliefs, and the thoughts popping up here and there, were two separate things. I am able to observe my thoughts. So I took out a pen and wrote on the palm of my hand "IS IT TRUE?" So whenever an intrusive defeating idea popped up, I stopped and looked at my hand. Ask that question. If it's not MY idea or belief, whose words are those? A critical parent? Some teacher from my past? An ex relationship who wanted me to feel less-than? It's helped tremendously.
I used to feel like if I wasn't special I'd be lacking an identity. But putting yourself on the same level as everyone else doesn't make you less important or unique. It just means recognizing everyone is special in their own way. Now it's so much easier to connect with others, appreciate and respect them. Which makes them like and respect me in return.
As an “empathic” person, arrogant people often intimidate me and make me feel a bit emotional, but now I could see why. It’s because I’m absorbing their hurt behind the facade.
I think I’ve been hurt so much in the past that I started to be arrogant but I am trying. It’s like I see the insecurity but sometimes I don’t stop it like I’m always angry. It wasn’t until a homeless man stopped me on the street and asked me why I’m so angry and we sat and talked for about an hour 😂 then I went home. Glad he said something no one else would challenge me so it’s good he did. I would haven’t gotten upset if it was someone else but with him I didn’t get upset we just sat and listened to each other
My mom is one of the most arrogant people I know. It's interesting how she raised 3 empathetic children but never herself became one. She has narcissistic tendencies. I grew up wishing I had a different mother every day.
Im studying psychology in Sweden, its my first year , but i have been interested for a long time. I love you man, you are awesome, love the authenticity, your sharp analytical skills and general wisdom in life.
I was thinking about my parents yesterday. How their inability to connect with their childhood and feelings made them unable to emphatize with me. You wideo is very handy on my journey. I am working on being more vulnerable, but its very uncomfortable, raw, and painfull.
Whenever I see the notification that you just posted a video I'll literally stop in the middle of whatever I'm doing to watch it....😅 I like watching them....they are valuable to me
It's pretty sad because they end up pushing people away and cementing in their minds the belief that people don't want them, and that is so painful that then they need to create a shell to distort the reality and make themselves believe that it's other people who are the issue and that the arrogant shield protects them. I see this in my father and in myself. It both protects from enmeshment (as a sort of warped boundary) and the feeling of abandonment (because you become the one abandoning and rejecting people)
An old friend of mine would behave like Chandler from the show Friends. After a while, I couldn’t stand him anymore. I wanted to tell him: “You’re not cool, you’re just an a$$hole.”
“Authentic Self” is a term that comes to mind that the arrogant self is hiding. Somewhere along their environment sent them a signal that it isn’t safe to be your “Authentic Self”.
There’s a big difference between arrogance and actually knowing what one is talking about. Arrogance is an attempt at “stolen valor”. The person is trying to EMULATE someone who has done their inner and outer work. They can only achieve a caricature of such a person. Don’t mistake the truly knowing as arrogant. Arrogance is definitely a facade, a shield, protecting a wounded child inside. The key is to help them unlock the wounded ego, address their trauma, and heal from it. Unfortunately, the longer that they have had the shield of their mental behaviors, the more reinforced these behaviors become. They have an insecure need for control over every aspect of their lives, especially over others. It is when this control is shown to be an illusion (such as the death of a loved one), that their psychological house of cards falls down. Sometimes temporarily. Sometimes permanently.
Excellent observation. They do appear to be comorbidities, or perhaps the same thing. Two sides of the same coin perhaps. I will have to think about this.
I learned arrogance from my violent parents. They made their own rules. They ignored societal rules. I, unfortunately thought unwittingly or learned in the same way until I opened up. Now, I feel good.
Human action is the essence of control. Every action we take is an effort to control some aspect of our environment. And yet TOTAL control is an illusion. Recognizing AND ACCEPTING that one does not have total control, and letting go of an insecure need to attempt to control others, is the key to overcoming arrogance, and finding a greater inner peace.
you described me perfectly in the final segment. i was so so arrogant when i was in graduate school and i was simply covering up wounds and pathological insecurity coupled with imposter syndrome. it only lasted a couple of years before it all came crashing down and i've been struggling with the weak, insecure child underneath ever since. it's been horrific.
My narcissistic mother underwent through some extreme narcissistic mortification recently that resulted in her having a suspended jail sentence for a white collar crime (she did commit it) and now she found something else to be arrogant about (renovating her new house). Some people are beyond help!
Timely vid, Daniel. I'm heartbroken as I watch this and I realise that someone dear to me is and always has been (and therefore, probably always will be) super arrogant. Too far up their own backside to get help from anyone outside. It's like watching a car crash in slo-mo. 😧😨😱
How perfectly timed Daniel! I recently left my job with a horribly arrogant employer(super rich and successful and soo arrogant and horrible with staff). Plus my landlord who's arrogant as well. I was wondering what the answer would be, I thought that what is behind arrogance is pride really, and what is behind pride is what exactly you've said in this video. So thank you for this 🙏🙏
@TCTGFAM Confirmation is so valuable to me too. I've been fortunate in the past to have a friend or two like Daniel who have done their own work and can articulate things I have only vaguely grasped. The "Ah ha!!" moments have been pivotal in helping me trust myself.
I do try to have compassion for arrogant people, my own journey with this trait was being shattered open by the tragedies of life and aging into maturity. Arrogance is a place of extreme loneliness and ultimately pain.
I know someone in particular who is arrogant and I have stepped back and watched this individual and realized how thick that wall of arrogance is. I feel sad for that person and when in their presence it feels like they are not really there as you spoke about. It's like a script that protects them, the all-knowing 'right fighter' never revealing any uncertainties. Thank you for bringing light on this subject and affirming my intuition about them.
Well, speaking as an arrogant person who's been compared to an AI, it can be very, very difficult to be humble when you're surrounded by people who do incredibly stupid things, who complicate their lives unnecessarily, who can only follow trends and never think for themselves, who constantly complain about their lives to anyone who'll listen yet never do anything to actually change their situation, who never seem to get better at a particular skill despite hours upon hours of practice, who can't suspend emotion long enough to think logically about anything, who never seem to learn from their mistakes... and on and on.... The world never stops offering newer and newer examples of how foolish people are. I can even look at myself and see ways that I'm being foolish or have been foolish in the past, something that most people don't seem very willing to do, or if they do, it makes no significant impact on their day to day lives. Arrogance was a very effective way of lifting myself above all the nonsense and building momentum for creating a better way of life. I mean, we've evolved to be arrogant, so it must serve some purpose, right? People have criticized me for it, but of course it never helped. They just seemed weak and whiny and couldn't argue their position very well. All they could say is stuff like "just be nice" Ugh. 🤮 I never suffered from the consequences of being arrogant enough to consider changing. At some point I just got curious enough to see what it was like to at least act like a humble person. It was very amusing at first because I discovered that being "humble" could be a very effective way of manipulating people. But eventually, acting like a humble person threatened to make me feel pity for others, which I immediately saw as a red flag. Eventually, I learned to be more grateful for whatever advantages I may have and not be so bitter about living in such a mindless, insane world. Just thought I'd leave this comment. The part about being like an AI made me chuckle.
Thanks for your comment. I definitely feel your pain. It’s very difficult to watch others make mistakes in their lives, especially when said mistakes affect us and others around them. May I offer that you can find better happiness for yourself if you try to let go of a desire to help others see the errors of their ways? Yes, they will make stupid mistakes and decisions. Yes this can negatively affect others. But you will be more at peace letting go of a need to help others. It’s really not your job or your responsibility to help others, and you will be more at peace when you sit back and simply observe. 🙏
@@endcgm9277Yeah, I never had too much of a problem with trying to help people. Hardly anyone wants real help anyway. They just want to feel more comfortable in whatever mess their life has become. It's tougher to avoid when it's a close friend or someone you're in a romantic relationship with. I've had to give up every single time but I'm fine with that now. Eventually you figure out that people actually enjoy their suffering to such a degree that they'd feel lost and hollow without it.
I used to be very arrogant. Id come across cocky , like a know it all. "You hide behind what you know" a friend said. I've learned to let down my guard and not be that way anymore. I didn't always even mean to come across that way sometimes it's just how I appeared. I'm definitely learning to be more humble and have more realistic expectations of myself.
This sentence is actually deeper than it seems. I'll just make a wild guess here: you do not know how it feels to climb Mt. Everest? You can only afford arrogance when you are inside your comfort zone and given how short life is you can always find a way to challenge yourself. Of course, sometimes resting within your comfort zone can be very beneficial.
@@mysmartphonechannel I'm not so sure what you mean by your comment. Are you implying that I don't challenge myself? I've never climbed Mt. Everest. But I've climbed other local mountains. And the friend who said this to me was actually a co-worker of mine when I worked in a nursing home. I think that the fact I spent time learning how to care for the elderly and the sick was stepping out of my comfort zone. I did it for 10 years. After some of the things I went through when I was a kid, just getting out of bed and leaving the house everyday was stepping out of my comfort zone.
“Bot” would be the best way to describe these people. The lack of self awareness or depth, and the fact that you simply can’t squeeze it out of them because their programming isn’t advanced enough and can’t comprehend handle the functions is a great metaphor for this.
I was incredibly arrogant as a teenager and young adult in my early 20s. I probably still am, but I think that it generally lessens with age. At least I think so with me. I wonder if it’s most people’s experience.
Wish I could agree with you, but as someone who's also naturally lost, vulnerable and uncertain, I've only seen the arrogant flourish. Might doesn't make right, but it might as well based on outcomes. This sounds like a cope, a way to comfort yourself for not obtaining power. Maybe the meek are rewarded in the afterlife, if there even is one, but here on earth, arrogance is nearly undefeated against humility.
I can understand that seemingly positive outcomes resulting from arrogance can feel empowering. But I don't think these outcomes are positive when scrutinized. For example a parent screaming at its child for silencing may seem positive, so that the parent can get some quiet. But I think Daniel would agree that this screaming dynamic would only be a seemingly positive outcome. Maybe you would also agree. One has to dig below the superficial in order to embrace the kind of empowerment that comes with vulnerability.
Daniel my mother died 2 months ago, My family (sister father) are incredibly unhealthy. My father is an awful person and my sister as well. I am getting pressure to take care of him because he has no one else. I don't want to walk away and be inhumane but I want out of this family, I should have done so a long time ago, I hope it isn't too late
Simple question: would they do the same for you? If not, walk. It doesn't make you as bad as them, if their abandonment of you has been lifelong. And they abandon themselves, which ought not be your concern if they're inflexible to change. Being their saviour to your detriment is abandoning yourself. Put your own oxygen mask on first.
I was wondering if you would ever comment on what is happening in the Middle East and I have a feeling that you will not directly touch this subject, but this video gave me in a way an answer. The degree of arrogance in the people who speak is a reflection of the degree of their dishonesty. Sometimes you do not even need to listen to what they are saying. You can understand if they are seekers of truth or people of lies just by watching their expressions. I want to keep a glimpse of hope for humanity and although I struggle to find Truth seekers, the fact that there are people like you somewhere in this planet is a hopeful sign that healing is possible for humanity. After all, you were born by two very sick people, but managed to escape the curse of dishonesty (this is in my view the allegory of the primordial sin of humanity). And since you gave the example of Darth Vader, his grandson Kylo Ren who apparently inherited his dark side, at the end came in contact with his sparkle of light...🕯
This is very helpfull for me and to understand others _ When around or in a arrogant place _ it gets really weird. Everyone in meltdown _ running for cover. Usually the scapegoat gets put in the oven for dinner so all the arrogants trauma bond themselves to each other _ a choir of the dissociated
I am so glad to watch this video because there are so many things I can relate to. As I was growing up, especially in high school, I saw many people who identified themselves with their projected image through acting overly confident, putting others down, and dressing themselves in a certain way to fit in. I have always been wondering why people behaved this way. I found out in the later year that it was insecurities and their ego preventing them from being their true self. I still see many adults still behave this way because of the fear of showing weakness.
I have a problem with arrogance at times but it feels more like a life raft than a facade. If im not sure of myself and a know it all and staunch with my convictions, I feel such a misery and dread that threatens to overwhelm me. Ive tried to sit in that misery but the torment always reaches a fever pitch that sends me scrambling back to my security blanket of arrogance.
I relate to this on so many levels! When I was younger, I had a huge ego and delusions of grandeur as a defense mechanism against an unloving parent and a suffocating social atmosphere. This continued well past college until my reality was (as you said) shattered by various life events. Rebuilding my sense of self hasn't been easy but it's been 100% worth it! But also! An ex of mine is exactly as you described: He isn't a real person, everything about him and his personality is a facade. He's more like a force of nature than an actual person... I'm grateful for that experience though, because I can now easily spot those types of people from a mile away and I know to avoid them lol Anyway, great video Daniel! Thank you for continuing to make awesome commentary on these topics!
This was me before my breakdown and collapse. A oftern wonder, even wish that I was still living in arrogant fantasy. But it's too late for that. Better for the people around me too. Thank you.
Arrogant soul won't be accountable for their actions they have more guts to manifest and take what they want, they won't lose it's an endless cycle Pass on from generation to generation .
Hello Daniel! Thank you so much for your videos and for you. It's a blessing to have found you. One request: is it possible to make a video on some prompts or questions we can address and answer while Journaling, specifically about childhood trauma? Some hooks to get us started or- to move forward in the process? Thank you. Have a good one! And take care. 😊
one of the most important videos I have ever been fortunate enough to encounter. Just shared this with a very difficult woman I know from Boston. She's young, beautiful, smart, wealthy, a long-distance runner, has a great boyfriend, and good friends. So she has very little reason to ever take seriously any criticism I make of her arrogant, fascist conduct towards me, as a discord moderator who kicks me off a great server I helped build, whenever I say something that makes her feel just a little bit uncomfortable or challenged. This video.... may actually get through to her.
Darth vader wasn't arrogant, he was extremely powerful and evil. I mean he could move objects with his mind which virtually makes him a god. Not the best example. His mask came off when he was literally about to die.( or become a force ghost or whatever)..ofcourse he was vulnerable then.
Yeah. Believe me, people are not arrogant only out of the need of control or the veiling of insecurities. People are arrogant out of the pure pain caused by the d@mbness of other human beings, as well. When they would give a sl@p from their hearts but instead of that they behave simply arrogant. Like for example I wouldn't speak even with my dog this affectedly like you do to a whole world. Confidently about half truths.
How do you know if it's your true self and not just a desired self? What if the traumatized child or any other child has another self and adults have another self?
They have a need to control absolutely everything in their lives. When they are slapped in the face with the fact that they don’t have absolute control, it shatters their illusions, even if for only a short while. But runs the risk of breaking them forever as well.
Hey there, i have a certain problem and maybe you can help me. I have a friend with me at school i really like him because he is the healthiest person i have probably known in my life, i appreciate him for it. But sometimes i get triggered when he doesn't text or replies after a while. Now i'm sure i'm a part of the problem and i should heal what is being triggered so i can authentically be myself. But it still effects my judgment sometimes and makes me want to leave him. Is my feeling reasonable ? What do you think
@Noor-sl5ep I can relate a lot to that. Growing up I had a very close friend that I became a bit obsessive over and sadly that drove him away. I'd suggest trying to be mindful when you find yourself getting triggered and stepping back and trying to sit with yourself kindly without judgment to see if you can identify any trauma or fear that might be causing you to respond that way. Best of luck!
@@ScottWolfskill Thanks man ♥️, i 100% had a similar thing happen to me. My friend in primary school went with me to highschool but after one year he started leaving me for the same reason you had. Now it happening made me relise i need to interact with other people not only him. But with this new one i think i'm afraid of being judged or being left behind. Even though i kind of enjoy my alone time 😅, thanks again.
My arrogance was based on a faulty belief system of comparison. Someone needs to be beneath you or less than you in order for you to feel good about yourself. The idea of being ok with myself w out comparing wasn’t even a concept.
That feeling I know. Acknowledging your actually the little kid inside. Under the whole perso na I had created. I had a vision once, I think it tried to show me how to grow: i was learning to walk, and my parents were cheering me on, so proud and full of love. I remember it fellt helpless and empowering at the same time. Thats what you need to integrate the authentic child I think: The humbleness to start walking in it even though its vulnerable and, people that love you, see you and encourage you in the process.
Ive observed that arrogance of incapable people are the hardest to look at for long. It makes the least sense and is actually just emotional tantrums after another. I think it largely stems from needing to do something you're not capable of doing. Too much to handle. Such as becoming a parent when you can barely care for yourself. Or first borns, who are childrens themselves but you are in a team of 3 with 2 adults, so you feel the need to step up and get on the teams level. Maybe even "take care of your younger siblings" when you're just 5.
Why would that be a cause to be arrogant? The people who have these abilities have what the New Testament says is an evil eye and it makes men unclean. It’s responsible for every sin and abomination committed on the earth. They experience piles, haemorrhoids, and every gastro Intestinal issue on the earth simultaneously and inhabit the vessels even of animals in the unseen spiritual realm thereby. Where is the justification for the arrogance of their stance? Because everything else they might be arrogant about is passing away; youth doesn’t last, they too will get old, their looks will fade, their possessions, their education, and their job titles won’t save them. If they’ve sold their soul for this world what reason do they have to be arrogant? Death vadar is a monster.
i think if you see something within yourself that you don't like you can sit and observe it playing out in your mind. if you don't judge it or react to it it will slowly begin to dissipate.
Actually I wanna know more about the arrogance of people in power, more specifically and ironically people in the mental health field - the psychiatrists. I am a victim of psychiatry and polydrugging. They took away most of my 20s and till now, those who did harm and damage to me still refuse to apologize for the tyranny done to me and million others. Great work as always, Daniel. I wish you were my therapist, instead of countless others who are arrogant with negligible humility.
