The REAL Reasons People Keep Breaking Up With You

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You may have been told that the reason people keep breaking up with you is because you're actually TRYING to recreate abandonment trauma from childhood. But what if the real reason is that Complex PTSD is driving your behaviors, and causing you to push people away? Here are tips to identify why this keeps happening.
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Опубликовано:

9 ноя 2022

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Комментарии : 248

@debutchi Год назад

1:31 #1 - you've been abandoned before therefore you learn to "crap-fit" 3:10 #2 - you habitually learned to show a nice personality but often emotionally lash out 4:45 #3 - you're unreliable/unreasonable when hurt or try to avoid hurt by being overly agreeably with no boundaries 5:27 #4 - your self esteem is too low to express your wants and needs 8:10 #5 - you have been conditioned to focus too much on expressing your feelings instead of working towards solutions 9:50 #6 - being abandoned as a child has left you emotionally dysregulated 10:24 #7 - you experience "abandonment melange" 11:50 #8 - you have trouble developing conscious relationships

@stevensantora2976 Год назад

Thank you so much.

@talita8882 Год назад

Thanks 🙏🏻

@victoriarosario3338 Год назад

Oh my God! #5, Most Definitely! 😭

@CC-xn5xi Год назад

Thank you for your useful comment.

@Yoon-mt6kd Год назад

I wish there was captions like this in the video.

@robertl4824 Год назад

I wish I had decent therapists when I was 30, I'm 62 now and still screwed up. My parents/family couldn't give a F if I wasn't living well.

@sunnydaye5942 Год назад

Same here. I've crap fitted all my life. I'm 61. Counselors told me I picked the men it's my fault I'm unhappy. Well screw that. I'm not crap fitting ever again. Single and loving my freedom now. Happy now and the family hate it. So no contact with evil family and NO guilt.

@Realaaron1 Год назад

I’m sorry Robert. I know that pain very well. I’m 44 and still trying to mend and lose the misery (It’s so difficult). I had to fully disconnect from most relatives. It’s helped me to feel like I’m in control of my life. You’re not alone ✌️

@bettinadorthelaursen8563 Год назад

Same story and single and no contact to family- but that is the god story. Now 60 years and so much wiser😊

@cristinaevans139 Год назад

I’m 53 head doctor for 8years no improvement legal pot and cbd oil giving some help god I would run around the street naked if I could just be who I once was best of luck to you ❤

@brianjones3191 Год назад

When will parenting be taken seriously? Every time I bring it up I get blank stares and whatnot.

@RoadRunnergarage8570 Год назад

I think my PTSD scares me from having a relationship because I have an intense fear of rejection too ...

@susannahv7219 Год назад

I hear you. Given up at birth and then rejected by a mentally ill adoptive mother, I believe the majority of my big life decisions have been made by my primal fear of rejection. I'm now 49 and with the help of this channel in part I feel like I'm turning that around. Are you doing the Daily Practice? I started it 2 months ago and it's really helped. Not only does it highlight for me how many of my resentments are rooted in my fear of rejection, it really does help alleviate the "abandonment melange" for me - one day at a time. I can't recommend it enough. Peace and healing to you, fellow survivor!

@blackwaldorf Год назад

Thanks Fairy. I've been noticing that for some survivors of narcissistic parents, we are so traumatized in the deepest level that we just don't feel the need for connections anymore. Instead of acting in codependency, we just stop looking for connections and we go alone through life. Is that what people call Dismissive Avoidant type of attachment? I'd love to know your pov! Thanks again.

@tucky3191 Год назад

Yup. It’s worth healing through, I hear. Keep with Anna and also search The Personal Development School on RU-vid

@victoriarosario3338 Год назад

Wow, V, this just totally hit my heart. Thank you for your insight. 🥲

@kymbelt Год назад

Exactly

@lynnebucher6537 Год назад

I know that my last relationship was damaging and frightening enough that I've avoided men entirely.

@raraavis7782 Год назад

I would like to know more about that, too. I had a great early childhood, but I lost both my parents as a teen. My father after a long, horrible illness, that pretty much took all attention away from us kids from the time I was maybe 10 or 11. Now I had close friendships and even one love relationship of 4 years as a teen|young adult... although I was a bit of a loner and very standoffish even back then. Never someone, who made friends easily or was very popular. But afterwards... personal connections just felt harder and harder to establish. I'm 42 now and...I don't really feel anything for people anymore. I don't miss people, when I don't see them, even if I get along with them great. And if someone does fall in love with me, it feels like a burden. Like I've taken on a difficult job|huge responsibility, I now have to fulfill. It feels like an unwelcome intrusion in my personal space, even if I genuinely enjoy spending time with them. Including Sex and cuddling and all that. All might be fine on that level, we might look like the perfect couple newly in love, to the outside...but a week later, we're broken up after a fight and I just feel empty and indifferent inside. Just happened to me and I can't make sense of it. I don't feel, like I can talk about this to other people, either. I'm actually pretending, I'm still with that man, because I don't want to face the inevitable questions about why we broke up. Because I can't truthfully explain it without admitting, that I just don't seem to ever develop real feelings for anyone anymore. And who would want to spent time with someone like that?

@cici2562 Год назад

Sometimes we accept less because we are afraid of “real” relationships. Those of us with trauma might long for a connection (as I think everyone does), however it’s an incredibly scary concept to make oneself vulnerable to someone we care about. It’s way less risky to settle for less or reject any relationship at all. I speak this from CPTSD experience.

@user-ph4mg1mh9c Год назад

Cant get broken up with, if you don’t get started with - pretty smart 😉

@Etherealsillygoose Год назад

I’ve done a lot of healing over the years. A lot of my peers hold me up on a pedestal of having it all figured out, building boundaries, and knowing what I need. Yet, my CPTSD still takes a huge toll on all of my intimate relationships. I feel so lonely and starting a new relationship can be paralyzing for me. The juxtaposition of others perceptions and my experience can be so confusing. Thank you for making these videos and keeping me grounded. It is very helpful to hear that others are going through similar hardships. Thank you so much

@beebomouse Год назад

I can relate to you and I'm sorry you're having this experience. It's really hard to live like this and probably feels doubly odd to have peers that admire you for your wisdom on this kind of thing whilst simultaneously struggling with the reality of relationships. The fact that you are admired for what youre working on says much about the progress you've made! I have hope life will continue changing for the better for you ♥️

@Etherealsillygoose Год назад

@@beebomouse your kind words have brought me to tears. Thank you so so much. You have no idea

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for sharing your experience. You are certainly not alone in these struggles and we're so glad you're here now :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@victoriarosario3338 Год назад

Is it just me? Or does anybody else cringe inside, when you're going through something with a partner (this has happened to me over the years) and instead of calling you (me) out on your martyrdom, because you're putting up with so much crap; you hear those 3 little words: "You're So Strong!" Anybody? (Crickets...) Lol...

@MS-bs8dd Год назад

@@victoriarosario3338 hm, here’s how I can relate: I said it to myself. Look at me, I’m So strong for being able to put up with the crap fit. Being a ninja as CCF just said. I thought staying was being noble. Now I see my attitude might have been more an outgrowth of an unhealed part, shown outwardly as the martyr, idk, but I don’t put up with it anymore and have moved on without bitterness. I just don’t want to crap fit anymore.

@QarleyQuark Год назад

Crap-fitting and accepting mistreatment are problems, I endured for many years. I'm only on one divorce thus far. Thankfully you posted this just today

@chebtremb2244 Год назад

I go back and forth for wanting the whole marriage thing but then I don’t want the “divorced” status. I just want to find someone who will stay and work things out with me regardless but I felt I’m too damage to even consider being in a relationship.

@casperinsight3524 Год назад

Bad advice from therapists can cause more damage as in adding further insult to injury. Thankfully good sound practical advice like this channel finds you and heals you ~ Abundant Blessings 🎆

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

@quiethours1818 Год назад

Yoga has been incredibly helpful to me in dealing with the emotional flashbacks. I didn't realize it, but I immediately started feeling less angry, less ruminative, when I do even just a few minutes of yoga every day. I also get, occasionally, a heavy feeling in my chest area that kind of feels like an elephant is sitting on me. Yoga really helps with that specific feeling. I also cut out sugar and most forms of gluten - which both seemed to tie into feeling angry and overstimulated.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy

@christinehow3595 Год назад

Being put in care from age of 6 years old . I tryed my best and got married for 35 years losing my husband too Cancer . Life went downhill from there . Got involved with a Narcissist and then I shut down completely not trusting anyone again. Thing is I was too good too people. Helping everyone. I'm happy on my own now . I cant get hurt anymore. I wish everyone on here all the best going forward.

@BlackKettleRanch Год назад

How can you know what you really want when you've never been in a long-term relationship, and all of the long-term relationships you watch, even the ones that seem as good as it's going to get, are antagonistic? Couples that have been married over 35 years who have the nice house, the money, the cars, toys, religion, no drug or alcohol abuse, etc., and they are at each other's throats over wiping down the stove, taking the dog out, the laundry, and all of the minutia, don't make marriage look appealing. "Oh, but we cannot do without each other. I can't imagine my life without so and so." Really? I can't imagine 35 plus years of that "intimacy" day in and day out. Who wants to feel like that? It seems more like an annoying habit that has formed and it's become one of your limbs. I don't think being single is all that bad. In fact, there's a lot of peace of mind. I think people have fantasies about marriage. I know I do, but I know better. When people don't get the fantasy, they get into control and that's completely futile. People are who they are. You have to take them...or leave them...at face value. You either are into investing a lot of energy in the "relationship" and having the life force sucked out of you or you detach. It's a wonder that long-term relationships go on at all. Isn't love, truly loving someone, not torturing them and accepting who they are, warts and all? Isn't it giving them space? Isn't it picking battles and solving problems in ways that create peace? Isn't it two people pulling their own weight until the day comes when they can't then solving the problems other ways? There's just so few people who have that intellectual mettle going on.

@sunnyadams5842 Год назад

YES!!

@MichelleHell Год назад

When my friend left me for my bad behavior, I found myself crying going "Don't leave me daddy!". My dad died when I was 2 and all I have is the emotional memory. Having emotions from an event you dont have a memory of is really debilitating. I realized I was imposing my childhood experience into the situation and re-living it through another person. Was I even upset that I messed up the friendship, or was I upset that it triggers the same feelings I had when my dad died when I was 2? Realizing that I was superimposing old behavioral patterns into a situation where it didn't quite make sense was a wake up call. If my friend hadn't followed through with consequences, I'd probably never realize I was functioning like this where I re-live my trauma through other people.

@sparklesp9304 Год назад

It sounds like you may blamed yourself as a child for your father's death unconsciously, where if you're not good enough, he and later other people will leave you. You can verbally say that "I renounce the lie that my father left me as a toddler because I wasn't good enough, or if I don't behave how people want me to, they will automatically leave me."

@flamingrobin5957 Год назад

there are so many layers for me to move out of complex grief and complex trauma, this might be one. im stuggling with executive function problems i can't even put a plan together for my day. i can't even conceive what my first step would be. i see no way to get into beneficial experiences. people can't understand how you could be so damaged, i try and explain my narcissistic parents and shamed me and invalidated all my assertions and criticized all my choices. and being the scapegoat always. only boy with three sisters I always had no power and then people tried to "caretake me" and then resented by boundaries. after i got boundaries and stopped being a people pleaser and a workaholic and cut off from my family of origin I now see no new way to crate relationships, friendships, opportunities and goals . i used to operate out of desperation and fear and trying to prove that i was worth something. now having dismantled that many years ago i dont know another healhy way of motivating myself . i litterally have no goals . what used to motivate me , interests, passions are no longer working.

@bettinadorthelaursen8563 Год назад

Those feelings are hard- but you Can learn new ways🌼

@flamingrobin5957 Год назад

@@bettinadorthelaursen8563 stuck for 19 years. i had to grieve alot so i guess it will be a slow process

@bettinadorthelaursen8563 Год назад

@@flamingrobin5957 yes grieve and anger 🙏🏻

@ninah5938 Год назад

This is gold and so true. I have sworn that any relationship that I have is ending in marriage. I have been single for a year now and rebuilding myself. I have had so many aha moments with this. Thank you 🙏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

@ramoncisneros9571 Год назад

Breathe..... stay preset Love your self Eat well Don’t expect others to love you unconditionally They won’t But you can love yourself unconditionally Stay present... watch your breathe Life is that moment

@victoriarosario3338 Год назад

Wow, that's a good one! Living in the moment - trips me up every time. So far, lol...And please forgive this question: Regarding the line, "Don't expect others to love you unconditionally": Is it because people won't love you unconditionally; or is it the human condition that they can't? I'm really feeling [even more] grateful for my dog, right now...😭Just now, the little voice in my soul asked, "Or, is it just me?" (that can't be loved unconditionally)...So frustrating that my brain can be this screwy.

@ramoncisneros9571 Год назад

@@victoriarosario3338 from where I am standing, it is both. I suspect more than 80% of people have issues that inhibit them from loving others unconditionally. The human condition is too harsh and few rise above it to love with such abandon. I have three dogs and after my last breakup, they are companions. The more I stay in this moment, the more I feel at ease. Best wishes

@jrb4347 Год назад

Omg I have been saying this for years and years and everyone kept saying the guys were the problem and that the one will accept me for who I am. I just thought I’m not sure healthy people want to stick around for my unhealed process and they didn’t. It wasn’t till I healed (and still am) that I see I was right. I wasted most of my adult life losing out on marriage and kids cause everyone said the right one will just stick around. Whether I find the right one or not now I feel much better than I heal and no longer act like a lunatic for everyone’s sake including my own

@RoadRunnergarage8570 Год назад

I have the wonderful talent of making a mountain out of a molehill due to my PTSD too....

@sunnyadams5842 Год назад

LoL!! I am similarly talented!

@heatherh1690 Год назад

I had a therapist who insisted I talk about the past that I experienced. This was horribly painful and made me more depressed. I have gotten so much help from watching your videos. Thank you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

So glad the Channel has helped! Cara@TeamFairy

@claireblair6175 Год назад

I get the gut feeling that they will let me down. They say they won't but I'm always right ....they do almost immediately

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Glad you're here. Cara@TeamFairy

@imbewitchingyou Год назад

How I wish there was awareness about c-ptsd back in the mid to late 90's! I had horrible experiences with therapy and antidepressants that did not work. I managed to get clean and stay clean but I was a mess to put it mildly. I'm 54 now and I'm finally able to get some perspective and healing because of people like yourself. Thank you ❤️ 🙏 ❤️

@susannahv7219 Год назад

With you in solidarity! There's a massive global community of us, unorganised to the best of my knowledge, with very similar experiences. Obviously each generation has faced ignorance and even persecution regarding different types of PTSD (read the first chapter on the history of this in Dr. Judith Herman's book on the subject!), but those if us who grew up and or sought help in the 80s and 90s faced horrible, stigmatising misdiagnoses - sometimes getting prescribed with heavy drugs we didn't need - that put the blame for our symptoms on us and never questioned our homelife or that ACEs, if even aknowledged, were the root of our behaviour. My abusive family certainly embrace to this day my misdiagnosis in '92 that totally let them off the hook! I spent months in a trauma clinic a few years ago, only to discover I had to work through my extensive psychiatric/therapy trauma before feeling safe enough to get to what happened at home back then. Anyway, here's to Anna, grassroots recovery communities like ACOA, the healing present, and that you and I, in our 50s, can spend the next part of our life on a journey of peace, joy, and health.

@katiekane5247 Год назад

I feel I lost a lot of time being medicated to make others more comfortable. Getting off SSRIs was the hardest thing I've ever done!

@penelopequinn1604 Год назад

When therapists say we are trying to recreate the relationship/s we had with our parent/s they don't mean CONSCIOUSLY, they mean subconsciously. I.e. we are driven by wounds and subconscious beliefs and fears. Our subconscious is seeking what is familiar to try and feel 'safe.' No one deliberately sets out, consciously, to find a partner that is unhealthy for them to recreate and heal the past. And yet people often find themselves in just these situations...

@Goodseed_13 Год назад

Thank you for sharing your expertise,experiences,&information on this. I have a Phycotherapist who doesn't agree with me on considering this& I don't understand why. I was abandoned by both parents. I've been abandoned by 2 husband's. Lately, I've been abandoned by my only child, a relationship I had,&my Family. All because I learned about Narcissism&decided to get away from it. Now,I've lost everything. And,I take full responsibility for my own actions. I was just getting triggered every time I would turn around, I didn't know which way was up. I'm still in a bad way.I have no idea how I am going to get through this. Prayers&well wishes to all who are enduring any type of mental illness out there. 🌱✌💚🙏💫

@susannahv7219 Год назад

Unfortunately many therapists and mental health practitioners don't yet understand CPTSD and the way trauma effects us neurologically, emotionally, physically. It's still fairly new and the great research now happening, which Anna often references here, hasn't had time to trickle down through the higher education system and to all the already working practitioners out there. That's what makes channels like this gold. Experienced, helpful trauma therapists are out there but can be hard to find, especially when you're new to recovery and don't have all the info yourself. A lot of us have been confused or hurt by professionals who just don't get it and don't understand that they don't have the latest information on trauma. I'm not telling you to dump your therapist by any means, but keep listening to your gut on these matters and don't think you can't challenge what they say. You are the customer and while they are the expert to a degree, you are an expert on living your life with CPTSD. A good therapist should at least be open to new information, your opinion, and anything like this channel and Anna's insight that helps. I hear that you're experiencing a lot of loss right now - I've been there. I'm sorry you are suffering. You are absolutely in the right place, though. Based on my healing experience all I can say is keep hanging around here listening and reading, and if you haven't started doing the Daily Practice yet please give it a go. It has helped me SO much and I've experienced a lot of healing recently with it, despite 2022 being a year with a lot of health struggles and the death of my father.

@Goodseed_13 Год назад

@@susannahv7219 Thank you for taking the time to share this with me. My Therapist took another job& at the worst of times, had to let me go,so I've got to find a new one. I will stay on this platform, again thank you for making me feel comfortable in doing so. No one else has done that! I just want to move on. But these "Ghosts" won't leave me alone. By that I mean, my parents,everything I've lost,including him. I just need some Peace. Anyway, I hope your day is well. Take care of your Dad,well wishes&prayers 🙏🌱💫

@anotherdavidc Год назад

I hate when they say you're just playing victim.

@beebomouse Год назад

Thank you for your teaching and your encouragement at the end. I had my first relationship at 19 when I was deep in the muck that I now know is CPTSD behavior and wounding and even now at 23 I still struggle heavily to forgive myself for what is my fault to bear *and* to believe that it was not all my fault, that this person had many problems and hurt me too. I've stayed out of relationships for the most part since to focus on healing myself and learning what a good friendship should feel like. There have been many bumps along the way and I've lapsed many times, but I've seen so much growth in myself. These videos can be difficult to watch because I often see the good and bad in myself.. ultimately though, it's the kind of teaching that breaks you down to build you back up with the hope of change and renewal. Thanks for the video and thank you for reading! ♥️

@mpv9866 Год назад

Welll said! This resonates... i almost relate too much. I don't even think about dating anymore. Alll the blest on your journey 🙏

@Dessyman18 Год назад

Yo Anna, I just want to say you're doing God's work here and I very, very much appreciate you. Your Daily Practice as well as these videos has really given me a light in what I thought was endless darkness when it comes to interpersonal/romantic relationships. I hope you enjoy making these videos as much as we viewers enjoy watching them.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thank you for your kind words! So glad the videos and the Daily Practice have been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@mariajmc6557 Год назад

So true God bless Anna and praying for your good health Anna be blessed🙌

@victoriarosario3338 Год назад

Yeah, like I want to recreate feeling neglected and invisible; so that I can THEN, teach men (who first, send roses and take me out to dinner) to treat me like garbage. Every little girl dreams of being with someone kind, loving, safe, and consistent. The fact that we "teach" someone to treat us poorly (please know that I am only speaking for myself, as I have not walked in anyone else's shoes) has to be the subconcious residual affects of childhood. I would never want to recreate the sadness that my mother had. Yet, here I am...Thank God you're here, Anna!!!!🥰🤗

@sunnyadams5842 Год назад

Such a great comment. I feel ya cause I'm living it, too.

@victoriarosario3338 Год назад

@@sunnyadams5842 We are definitely not alone, lol...HUGS!🤗🥰

@Lady_Ra Год назад

Amen sister. No one wants to live through that again.

@user-rs5kq9tg8c Год назад

No we don't want to be abandoned. It is different. Not all therapists can explain the pattern with clarity. But I get what you say. I just wanna say that it is possible to heal. It is hard a process. But is possible

@msdemeanour Год назад

Abandonment melange is something I know about. My parents sent me overseas aged 9 months, for other family to look after me in my formative years. I only met them when they took me back home aged 4. Since then I always knew I was unwanted, a mistake, a curse to their lives, a kid to abuse emotionally, verbally & physically. Why do these people breed?

@April-oj2vg Год назад

This may be lengthy..I'm a member of a small group of women with DID. The other people in group contact each other freely for support etc. One woman does contact me but the others keep me at arms length ( no contact unless its something administrative. I grew up excluded from almost everyone & everything. I am a very kind & thoughtful person but rejection is stuck to me & follows me relentlessly. It is SUPER painful to hear them talk about their interactions & i stand there with my nose pressed against the glass aching to be " let in". I have decided that it all hurts too much...I've waited & been patiently hopeful but i feel like enough already!! My therapist strongly believes that a little bit of " fellowship" is more important than the grinding pain of constant rejection ( they are kind to me IN group & know very well that i am so hungry for more). It's degrading & demoralizing to keep wanting & not be " accepted". I guess I'm asking for input please?

@nataliabogdanova2816 Год назад

I’m so sorry! I feel similar often… However it’s really strange that you’re in the group for a specific support - and you are not getting it. I think if some time passed and they still treat you like this - Its better to leave such group, maybe better to risk and try to find another group? What you really have to loose? On a side note I see it everywhere - what people say and what they actually do - these are the two different things! Sadly, especially people preaching about “love and support” often are just selfish manipulators imho..

@April-oj2vg Год назад

@@nataliabogdanova2816 hi Natalia...i appreciate your caring & input..I've actually been waiting almost 2 years & nothing has changed. I don't think they're awful people but for some reason I'm the odd girl out. I also think they of all people should understand... Thank you for your kindness...

@marthas.4456 Год назад

I also often feel as the odd one... And I'm also thougtful and nice (usually). Maybe our communication skills are not great. It's strange when I'm not bothered how I will be received I have no problem to talk to people freely and that time I getting on with people. However when I'm too self conscious and afraid to speak up - that time I feel excluded from groups. Try to find your own tribe, similar shy people like you are. If you want write me your email address. I also need friends ♥

@c.h.9566 Год назад

@April & @Natalia - I felt your words in my heart ♥️❤️‍🩹🖤🎯 I’ve felt this same way many times & it’s so painful🖤 Sometimes I think they exclude b/c it’s how mean girls simulate or generate feelings of ‘closeness’ w/ one another is by doing an “in group/out group” 😢thing & they might invite you in once there’s somebody new to ‘leave out’, if that makes sense? Anyway groups like this are usually toxic in my experience & it’s likely not you, it’s them ♥️ Please send me your email if you want a pal from a distance ♥️🥰🙏 Much love to you✨❤️‍🩹😘

@sunnyadams5842 Год назад

@@c.h.9566 You all make total to me!! I get scared sometimes because I come up against the knowledge that it statistically can't ALWAYS be them, but I don't want to throw myself under the bus in my head or out loud all the time!!!.... Like , Oh, it must be me - again and again, but everyone else just can't be crappy, then again, maybe they ARE in this early world!!! Friends lend perspective and I"ve been left with none after the Smear Campaign and discovered my parents are not good people. 💜💜

@dubori100 Год назад

This is IT! Felt like all my hidden wounds and fears regarding romantic relationships have been verbalised through this video. Abandonment in any form, by our secondary caregivers as well as parents sometimes, in the early childhood, leaves a huge scar on our subconscious, which only grows bigger and bigger with time.

@GodiscomingBhappy Год назад

I am brilliant to crap fitting.... an "ability" I am trying to unlearn. My therapist tells me over and over to STOP understanding others so much and give 0 opportunities to bad behaviour. Your videos help me a ton. thank you Fairy and team.

@WorldWideWebObserver Год назад

Hello Anna! Wish I’d known all this when I was young. It’s great you’re educating people who need sound and solid life advice in a confusing world.

@michelegrn Год назад

You are so straightforward and have amazing insight. Thank you so much for your videos. I love this one and it makes so much sense.

@talita8882 Год назад

Wow, Thanks a million! 🙌🏻🙏🏻 This content is life saving.

@DeJaVuNous Год назад

I’ve had some great therapy over the years but your work is SO specific to the questions I’ve carried. It’s helping me go forward and make changes. I have goals to make some genuine friends, get married, have healthy self esteem. Yes I want marriage!!! Thank you for talking about that. Right now I am healing with ketamine therapy and focused on the self esteem piece. I do a social thing once a month to work in my isolation issues. I found a breathwork class, not too much talking but a little, small group of people, a good start for me!

@lovleypoppy Год назад

I'm grateful for these videos. 🌹

@Goraiders75 Год назад

Thank you for your passion

@Gioia392 Год назад

Anna, Thank you very much for everything you are doing for us. I like very much this video. The only thing I would like to say is that those therapists who say that we want to recreate our childhood don’t mean that we consciously want to have this terribile experience, they mean we do it uncounsciously and it makes sense for me. We really don’t want it, but because we had this kind of experience we cannot make better choice- until we learn how to do it, what kind of mistakes we make over and over again. And your videos are very helpful in this. Thank you one more time🙏🏻

@florencewilliams2835 Год назад

Anyone else watching this have the issue of not wanting to trap someone they love with them, like I have a partner who chooses me everyday but I get literally nauseous thinking about how he could be happier with someone else

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

That is a lot of fear, try Anna's free course to help with that bit.ly/38JfzK1 -Cara@TeamFairy

@meganjohnson9540 Год назад

Thank you, Anna! Wanting things is scary. You make me feel less alone. I appreciate you! Thanks, team fairy! Thanks, Pete Walker!

@grat2010 Год назад

I feel so HEARD right now!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Good! So glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@elnosworld9893 Год назад

You’re growing on me And don’t take that lightly. I tend to be somewhat skeptical and even critical I Collett discernment but they both choice words might be things that other people Collett I really think you have so much to offer I am so glad that you’re doing this is this is definitely your life purpose and that’s why you were praying short without the experiences that you had as a child and throughout your life you wouldn’t be a person you are today and you wouldn’t have the wisdom skills or tools to share with people who have no idea Where to start and if there is even a shred of hope So thank you I have been posting many of your videos because the gentleman that I talked about who seemed very narcissistic was suspect for being someone who is just deeply traumatized and re-traumatizing themselves he’s 54 years old I would love to see him have a life outside of trauma before he departs this world because I know he deserves it

@sandra66 Год назад

Yep! I very much recognise the feelings of abandonment melange... I'm glad I can now put a name on it. The only way for me to deal with those is to break up with the person, I then feel relieved for a few minutes until I realise I didn't actually want to end this relationship.

@kathafulio Год назад

I’ve only had 1 decent therapist and it was this yr. I’m 57 and after yrs if crappy therapists who absolutely know zero about child abuse.

@lyricsms5448 Год назад

I have been cheated on and lied to in all my relationships. Just today a girl said that she don't think we would be a match... It's sad because I just lost half a year... For nothing... She had a lot of problems also and she was the first person I really started to trust but now... She left everything

@lyricsms5448 Год назад

@@centykaia4450 I never cheated on any of my partners... They cheated.

@centykaia4450 Год назад

@@lyricsms5448 oops my sorry.. I didn't read it properly

@lyricsms5448 Год назад

@@centykaia4450 it's okay.

@juliagriego7693 Год назад

So spot on, every video is spot on💜 Thank you dearest Fairy🌺I am healing! Slow but steady. New experience cuz going from 0-100 on feelings meter, steady forward feels sooo slow💫

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

You got this! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@juliagriego7693 Год назад

Thank you Calista@TeamFairy. Ur encouragement means a lot💜Julia

@seopunky76 Год назад

I don't want the part where they think they own you and you only have value when you are beneficial to them.

@meetmaggieg Год назад

Thank you. 😊 I tell anyone who asks me or who seeks my advice to watch Anna's videos and just yesterday two people hugged me and thanked me for letting them know what's been working for me. The daily practice is life changing. Thank you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Oh, what a happy thing to hear! Thanks for sharing the message, @Maggie!

@PRETTIGEMI11 Год назад

I have never related to something so much before. Wish I would’ve seen this video before my depression…maybe I wouldn’t have hurt those I love

@level_ken5231 Год назад

Beautiful message, I really felt this 🙏🏾

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

So glad! Thanks for watching :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@goldenviolet Год назад

I have spent most of my life alone. The other people are not very nice, but it is life . People are who they are.

@FuriosaSonoran Год назад

I just ended a partnership that I would have liked to continue- but I ended it for all the right reasons... Concisely. And this is really important to hear right now especially. Thank you so much for the content you create and the resources you provide for FREE! I definitely want a membership, but I'm currently struggling just to survive at all, and going through some rigorous job training for a position in my career field (public safety) that has been several months in length and has been more brutal at a variety of levels than actual military "boot camp" (at least the military gives you thousands up front!). I cannot afford the level of care that I need. I know the level of care that I need. I already have a specific provider selected that does not accept insurance, which is what I need for privacy reasons. However, this means I must pay out of pocket for the assurance of actual and complete confidentiality. Your experience and content is a good place to begin until I'm financially stable enough to seek the level of care that's appropriate. Again, thank you so much!

@tracynewton3083 Год назад

Has anyone tried self compassion resilience. Meditation with compassion certainly helps with the spaghetti head/thoughts. Great vid.

@MsVivian99 Год назад

Awesome. Always thankful and amazed at very accurate insight. Having this brought to light, explains a lot ,

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Wonderful! So glad it was helpful. -Calista@TeamFairy

@sparklesp9304 Год назад

I'm actually similar. You probably need to look into attachment trauma.

@nancybartley4610 Год назад

Dear CFF, I sincerely appreciate the help you provide. Does your advice on today's topic apply across all relationships. I am more concerned about developing healthy acquaintances with people in general. I am shocked at how people treat each other these days. I no longer believe real friendship is possible and, while that is disappointing, I accept it. However, I believe we should be able to get along and treat each other better, to be truly inclusive and not so ready to dismiss someone for the least little thing.

@moonrosebaby Год назад

I know, I agree with you. It's incredibly sad about people these days

@sandrapontius3500 Год назад

It’s very helpful to remember that things are not as bad as abandonment melange has me believe they are. I am tired of isolating so much and being confused about friendship - not partnership - friendship. Yes, my childhood was one big crap fit at home.

@NYEmma Год назад

I bought Pete Walker's book and really love it.

@jaana944 Год назад

Thank you Anna❤️❤️❤️

@cristinaevans139 Год назад

Thank you so much Anna 🎉

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for listening! -Calista@TeamFairy

@barbaralemarier4421 3 месяца назад

Spot on and love the term crap fit

@newtuber4freedom43 Год назад

She's got this gal pegged!! Always insightful!! ☮️💟

@mpv9866 Год назад

Wow, too 'me'. A ninja lol. But 'abandoned ' at birth to adoption, then countless times since, literally and metaphorically. Thanks for the knowledge, tips and help Anna. It's such a process but I steadily progress 🙏 *edit* i also unfortunately realize I have even abandoned my self and others in ways at times

@elsarenthal1242 Год назад

I was adopted too. I know your pain.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy

@susannahv7219 Год назад

@@elsarenthal1242 Me too. I'm grateful it's being aknowledged, at least in certain research and recovery communities, that adoption is a trauma and babies/children DO remember. Unfortunately, as it is a big business worldwide, I don’t think that fact is being given to prospective adoptive parents, who then don't understand and often blame the children for their attachment disorder behaviour and other mental health problems. Anyway, WE now know and that's the first step in healing. I basically just wanted to chime in for solidarity!

@acceptingWhatIS Год назад

'Crap fit' - yes!!!!! gosh took me 20 years to stop this - feel so great now - yay.....red light detector is amazing now.

@pumpyourselfup7683 Год назад

WoW I think my biggest problem was emotional disregulation but now I've noticed there are people who are not my friends that I have been thinking in my head they are my friends but keep getting weird vibes from them

@lynnebucher6537 Год назад

Very amazing how Anna can go into a deep dive to discover what a client's actual goals are. Id say I don't know what mine are. I dropped out of the market years ago after a disastrous relationship with a mentally unstable man.

@jendrake1959 Год назад

TY!

@mirriamyamyam8253 Год назад

This is clarity and resonated so much than tarot readings. 😔

@DamienReign Год назад

I’m shocked . For years my doctors told me I would never be able to get better and I’m being 100% real about that. It’s crazy to hear I say I could heal 🥺

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

We support you! Cara@TeamFairy

@susannahv7219 Год назад

That's such a heartless and shocking prognosis to give a person, I'm so sorry you were in the care of people who believed that and told you so. I myself was told 21 years ago, when I was a bright, curious, friendly 18-y.o., that I'd never be happy or have a good relationship and my best hope was to meet a rich man, when my symptoms calmed in my 30s, who would pay for my therapy. It's so shocking it should be criminal. With luck, I didn't completely internalise that. I rebeled and went on to have a very interesting life with plenty of decent enough relationships, albeit infused with my CPTSD symptoms like everyone here. And now I'm really healing. Sorry, but screw those doctors and therapists who believed that crap they told us, when in my opinion it's just common sense that troubled kids or adults have suffered trauma and need validation and love at least.

@margaretcampbell2681 Год назад

It is an unconscious drive to solve the problem

@bumblebee_ms Год назад

That's sick when people just brush you off with ridiculous comments that we want to re-create our past. Talk about making your life worse by not getting the real help you really need.

@mtaylor7307 Год назад

"Manifest." That the energy is attracting like energy and intentional. I've heard this even to justify child abuse. This type of thinking is sick.

@maggiea6766 Год назад

Thank you doing this. My relationships suck lol

@KitchenAndOutdoor Год назад

You're my 🧚‍♂️ anna ..this is my problem. Grateful here i find your channel

@user-rz2bw5ej5s Год назад

Anna, hi. Loved the video. Wanted to ask you - What exactly you mean when you say "processing our feelings and not getting to the solutions?" Processing our feelings IS what makes us come to the solutions to my opinion, so I'd be glad if you can explain exactly what you meant, and would like your perspective on what I said, if you can. THANK YOU! :) 😇

@indianiecworld Год назад

OMG this is so right, my first therapist, a women who potentially could save 25 years of my life, instead of listening about my heartbreak that was in fact a limerent narcissistic abuse , brushed is off saying that love is beautiful and it has nothing to do with anything, lets analyze your parents and your childhood instead. So we didn't analyze that (and she misdiagnosed it because instead of following a living breathing example of my retraumatization, she tried to fit it to some textbook freudian father mother complex or whatever stereotypes of trauma she learned at school), and i kept repeating the same abuse with other people for years to come not knowing what was going on

@shomermamillailah86 Год назад

Thanks for your channel. I am a 36 years old man (I think the majority of your watchers are women). I had a tough childhood because of my mother psychic pathology and my father's emotional physical absence (who, however, helped me materially). Furthermore, I am an only child. Because of this I think I have developed a strength that has helped me to be successful, whenever I wanted to be, in studies, work, sports, poetry, learn foreign languages, self-sufficiency in life etc. But, as expected, my childhood has marked my relationships with women and I have several symptoms of PTSD: tendency to fall in love with unavailable women and avoid and having blocks with those who are available. I have never had a true romantic relationship, and although I have dated "many" women (and I am apparently "self-confident" with women), I am still a virgin. Moreover I have tendency not to understand who is "the right person for me" (or if maybe I'm made to live alone) and at times to have "excessive" behaviors (going too much towards a person or on the contrary getting too far away). I'm doing work on myself and listening to a lot of your videos (for years, anyway, I love psychology). Thank you

@susannahv7219 Год назад

I'm glad you are here in this community of survivors, although I come across a lot of mean in these comments and on the Daily Practice Zoom calls with Annna. Trauma knows no gender...

@shomermamillailah86 Год назад

@@susannahv7219 👍 Yes, of course there is no gender issue. I said because the majority of letters Anna receives are from women and so she replies to women. Probably men have an additional problem: the tendency to disguise their problems for fear of being seen as failed men, both by women and other men

@1HorseOpenSlay Год назад

I'm so glad I'm old and don't have to worry about trying to find a partner anymore. Once you are past sexual desire, you realize,wow. I am actually free. No more need for others.

@WorldWideWebObserver Год назад

We were free all along and just didn’t realize it!

@1HorseOpenSlay Год назад

@@WorldWideWebObserver true true!💙

@brittanycrawford6432 Год назад

How do you work on healing emotional flash backs if you don’t know what caused them exactly. I feel like my subconscious remembers even though I don’t . I get very passive aggressive 🥺

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Working on staying more regulated more of the time helps quite a bit- this is how Anna does it: bit.ly/38JfzK1 Cara@TeamFairy

@pattym6129 Год назад

In my opinion, I think the original wound may leave somewhat of an etching on the soul & possibly one's spirit; like the grooves on a LP vinyl record or a CD with scratches on it. While playing the rec I rd or CD, it always sticks at the same place; until one receives some kind of spiritual healing. There may even br what's called, a spirit of trauma that needs to be dealt with. There is a good. Shortb prayer on the RU-vid called: "Joan Hunter's prayer for trauma and cellular memories."Jim Banks also has some very good, longer ones.

@yiravarga Год назад

As I keep going on the healing journey, my CPTSD symptoms have just been getting worse and worse over ten years. I am at a point of complete disability. I don’t communicate to anyone anymore. I used to see and help people every single day. What happened?!

@mandyporras07 Год назад

Thanks

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Welcome! -Cara@TeamFairy

@christinemccoy4471 Год назад

I no longer can ever be abanded again. I don't need anyone. I stand on my own

@My_House_ Год назад

I have a lot of this things with all people also on work 😄 But I have a therapist that works with me to see how I feel and what I can say because the feeling is so numb that I need the help to give words to the feelings. I do the daily practice with emotionwheel but still need help with it because it's all new 😊👍🏼

@casperinsight3524 Год назад

Cheers to not crap fitting 🙌

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Cheers! -Calista@TeamFairy

@baldersn4474 5 дней назад

I been with my girlfriend for 3 years ive made a lot of mistajes at the start of the relationship but since have sortted it out, my girkfriend tends too blow up s lot and finish things with me all the time, blocking me etc after a row or fight..Im always the one who attempts to sort ot out and get it back on track , seems to be getting worse, blow up every 2 weeks now..She also keeoz neinging up the past on what ive done or orevious boyfriends have done etc...I do love her , I'm blocked again on everything I went tound there but she was very angry and told me to leave etc. .Now I'm climbing the walls beating myself up and regretting it..Yet again..

@joyfulone1816 Год назад

I matter, i try, i still care.

@margaretcampbell2681 Год назад

You do a good red light signal to know when to walk away immediately

@sunnyadams5842 Год назад

Repetition Compulsion

@firebird3639 Год назад

Why can't I even see feasible prospects or at least catch their eye on the rare occasion I do see one. Id be happy to be noticed even if not spoken to at this point.

@user-ey4rc5tu4t Год назад

I think I disassociated somewhere between 1&7.

@johnjohnstone9805 Год назад

I Think I Have This Issue With Relationships I Haven't Heard Anyone Talk About. Do You Have To Have One? Do You Have A Right To Choose Single? My Issue Is I Have This Sense Of Always Being Pressured Into Relationships. So I Have Grown Up Feeling I Don't Have A Choice. That Has Created A Lot Of Resentment Over Relationships. Avoidant Behaviour Sabotaging Behaviour etc. But No One Has Noticed? Well The Pressure People Haven't. Sounds Like Healthy People Notice. And I Don't Feel I Got A Right To Spell It Out. I Don't Feel I Have A Right To Sort Out My Other Preferences Yet While This Issue Remains Unresolved. I Want To Feel Good In My Skin And Learn How To Set Boundaries With Others. Feel Solid In Myself. Not Shaky Like I Have Been. Before I Even Think Relationships. That's My Preference.

@weruleyoudrool Год назад

They do the breadcrumbing BS, which forces me to abandon them because they’re acting like an asshole! Like break up with me, so I can move on. I hate modern dating.

@nunusnews361 Год назад

I think both things are true but on a conscious level we mostly want to NOT get abandoned. We replay the old history and try to make it work this time. Subconsciously some part of us knows it can't or won't work and until we are ready to look at that we won't understand that our conscious goal cannot be fulfilled like that

@victoriarosario3338 Год назад

Hey Anna, Well...I watched this again; and I wonder why the Psychiatric Community makes it so difficult to acknowledge a (possibly) different diagnosis? Two phrases hit me hard this time. When you were talking about having difficulty saying what you need to...this happens to me SO MUCH. And it reminded me of a conversation-turned-arguement, because I couldn't just "spit it out". My boyfriend said that very thing to me, "You have no spine." I've had to be so careful with my words (seems like forever); because I so hate when someone gets mad at me. But, oh, man...BEWARE if I get mad at someone. I can recall quite a few times when "The Ogre" has reared her ugly head. And my words come out like a "crazed Banshee". It hurts to know that. That I can be so volatile. I'm a fkn Social Misfit. Now, on the upside, LOL..Knowledge is Power, right? I can now DO something about it. Man, does my heart hurt. I mean, this ache, like somebody just inserted a boulder into it. I think I'm having an Anxiety Attack...Breathe...Oh wait, I can't breathe.

@lowings848 Год назад

You sound a lot like I did just a few months ago. Is what you are feeling when you can't breathe panic? Especially when you think about a conversation turned argument because you can't express yourself and you need time to think . . ( a.k.a while you acquiesce, shrink yourself so that the person is satisfied, and hopefully you avoid fighting altogether) I am asking if this sounds like you since that is what is was like for me. I've never been able to be open to people with who I can feel like I can be myself, raise issues that are uncomfortable but work through it with mutual respect. There are very few people with who I can talk to openly. With me, I was married to a very malignant person, so I counted my words over and over before actually talking to him. He would notice that I'm not okay, I used to ask him for time to figure out why specifically I'm upset in order for me to be able to explain it to him. He did not understand this at all, and he would get physically violent. When I told my therapist these events, she was more focused on my reactions and how I felt about it. I wanted to know why? you know? why did he react this way? Was he really frustrated because I can't talk to him? Was he selfish and wanted his needs met immediately? Was he thinking I'm giving him silent treatment and wanted to beat the words out of me? Was he scared that the more I thought about the situation, I would realize how he was manipulating me? This, the desperate attempt to avoid the blowback and trying to figure him out, be smarter than him, to see why he is doing this to me. This wasted a lot of time for me and kept me in a dysregulated state for a lot longer that I needed to be. Have compassion with yourself for your reaction, you are after all just a human being and the fact that you are aware of your behavior, and feel guilty about it, tells me that you will be more conscious in future about how you respond to people. I'm not a therapist this is just my experience and subsequent opinion.

@victoriarosario3338 Год назад

@@lowings848 Thank you So Much for sharing that. My father was always leaving notes for me on our piano. Finally, as a teenager, I asked, "Why can't you just talk to me?" His explanation was, "I wrote it down, so that I wouldn't forget what I wanted to tell you." What he didn't understand, and I obviously couldn't verbalize, was that I would have given anything for him (and my mother occasionally) to just have a sit-down with me. Really talk to me, you know? My parents barely talked to each other. They would have these big blowout arguements. Then nothing. My mother would sadly, sit with her head in her hands, drinking coffee and reading a Barbara Cartland Romance Novel. And my dad would go to the Strand and watch dirty movies. And I wonder why I have such difficulty saying what I need to say, WHEN I need to say it? LOL! There was never any resolve from what I saw. No, "I'm sorry" or had I ever seen or heard them discuss problems. Sad. To answer your question, it's panic & then fear of rejection. I so desperately want to speak my peace; but all I can do is, "Well, um"..."But, I...", which in turn causes my frustrated boyfriend to mimic me. Which makes it worse. "Deer in the headlights look". That's what he says I do. It all came down to not knowing how to communicate well. "Misfit".

@edna_m Год назад

Im 40..i had one relationship with a narc..ended couple of years ago and since then nothing really.. but before it was also nothing really..🙊 what can i do? 😓

@carloferretti8956 Год назад

Break up with you? I can’t get into a relationship lol

@Malin0908 3 месяца назад

It’s hard to know wether it is a «crap fit» or if we only percive it as that. I have a hard time telling The diffrence from when I put up with less than I deserve. I certantly feel how painful it is, or if it’s just me accepting to much and being hyperviglant to «percived» threats of abandonment or people who dont care. Any advice on how to tell The diffrence?

@studentofspacetime Год назад

Is it possible to have cptsd and not know where it comes from? I seem to have this fear of abandonment, but can't say that I've experienced anything too traumatic in childhood. Or at least, nothing that made me feel unloved.

@learneducateloveandshare2564 Год назад

What does it mean when, you just don't give a crap about anything good bad in different. Just can't muster even a little crap about it I've been alone all along I've come to terms with it, the one thing That I can't shake is anger, so I isolate now,I don't need to make any more people like me.