The Schlapp’s Exorcist | Chapo Trap House 

If gardeners are so useless during a war, how does she explain Samwise Gamgee?

It's also better to be a warrior in a garden than a warriors in a war. Really, the garden is just always preferable to a warzone.

The greatest shitplane in history was Japanese Airlines incident in 1975, when 197 people ate the contaminated omelets for breakfast on approach to Copenhagen. A Boeing 747, with a total of 344 passengers, 14 bathrooms, and 197 people spewing out both ends for 90 minutes, 150 of whom required hospitalization, none of whom were the same again.

This is hilariously adorable, I have a large garden, and not only does my wife not have any interest in it, but actively gets annoyed when I spend more than a few hours in it or a few minutes talking about it. She does love the fresh cucumber and peppers though, so that feels nice when she admits it's worth it.

SCHLAPP SCHLAPP SCHLAPP SCHLAPP GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT GET PREGNANT

BUT HOW CAN SHE SCHLAPP?!

How funny is it that Felix isn't here when they talk about being a "gardener in a war"

Well timed release to get us through the week!

if Trump was going to take so many vacations, then the least he could have done was advocate for more time off for the forgotten man. America has 0 guaranteed days off, which is literally the lowest possible amount. I get the chapo boys love Trump, but as a wage slave, he's wrong for this one 💁‍♀️

Are they really doing exorcism. That just sounds like blessing of premises. But I suppose we Catholics does expect house or office blessings to exorcise bad spirits. 😀

The "a woman's job in the home is to tend the lawn, and a man's job is to kill her plants" suburban thing is true though. The only guy I know who does anything with plants besides mow and kill them is gay. I'm a dude, so I wouldn't know, but I guess there's some kind of subculture among suburban women about plants, where they like talk about plants and encourage each other to waste time gardening so their husbands can kill the plants they grow. Honestly women should just either make communal gardens, instead of house lawns, where they can hang out and grow """herbs""" and flowers and whatever, and their men aren't allowed near them, or else they should just get into gaming like normal people. Trying to turn your house's lawn into a garden is just silly.

I want to hear Mark Wahlberg talk about how if he had been on the diarrhea plane, things wouldn't have gone down that way.

This isn’t a British person. “What?!” This isn’t a British person. “This is a regular American? Ok this person has issues”

My landlord destroyed and woodchipped my garden this year. I had poured my soul into it through Covid lockdowns and it became an anchor for my mental health. Fig Tree Girl resonated a bit. EDIT: it gets more fucked up, he was texting me with links to YT videos on aquaculture set-ups the entire time bc he fancied himself as a gardener and thought we shared a common interest (as he is killing my garden). He then got upset that it looked bare, so he went to a nursery, brought back a bunch of plants and put them pot and all into holes in the soil in the front garden. They are now rootbound and dying. I am not allowed to take them out and plant them properly because it is legally theft and interference in my (Western) country

No Felix? NO FELIX?!....alright i'll still listen

It is both ironic and hilarious that Matt's grandfather tried to avoid action in WW2 by joining the merchant marine, since it was the US branch of service that had, by far, the highest casualty rates.

Ha I just so happened to watch The Pope’s Exorcist last week. Piece of shit but partly redeemed by the many scenes of rotund Russell riding around Europe on his teeny tiny scooter. Some funny/curious Catholic revisionism too. At one point Crowe’s character laments that he didn’t do more to help the victims of Vatican sex abuse, who in this fiction are all adult women. He teams up with a local priest who struggles with his own guilt over having had an inappropriate sexual relationship with a parishioner - also an adult woman. Make of this what you will.

They played margaritaville for a sec and it left me with nostalgia and existential dread in equal measures.

I honestly think I will see an American Orthodox Church in my lifetime and that thought is horrifying.

I never realized how seriously suburbanites took “lawn culture” I grew up in a trailer park and/or low-rent exurban areas where the “lawn” was just the grass outside the house. You mowed it occasionally and watered it only when it died and started to yellow. I remember trenching my own lawn with a 4 wheeler at 12 with my entire families consent and when the landlord told me to stop my dad called the landlord gay and my uncle threatened to kill him. We had nothing and were okay with it because we had fun & each other. Suburbanites have nothing but have convinced themselves they have something thus making an arbitrary object like their patch of grass a totem for their illusion of something, which they’ll kill for. Sad existence

That article writer clearly hasn't met dudes homegrowing weed, those dudes can get really weird with it

His name is Dick Fuld, er Matt Schlapp. You cannot make this shit up.

"men kill plants!" Yells the woman who threatened to kill her father's pothos and damage the landscapers van

Did my time in the 1st Cav on tanks. Went to the desert, where no gardeners were present. Maybe the Middle East just needs more gardeners?

I wonder if the Schlapp's asked Rod Dreher for a reference to a good exorcist?

the movie trailer that tries to wring gravitas outta Italian Russell Crowe saying "talk to my-a boss: da *pope* " is the hardest I've ever laughed in a theatre

Is Matt talking through a guitar amplifier? Not complaining, but I think it could be further enhanced by adding some flange

Who among us has never demolished a lady garden or two in our time? Also, hearing Adrian Chiles mentioned on Chapo feels like I'm having a hallucination.

Orchids are just trying to die, they’re fuckin hopeless

Real straight hours, folks

I'll have to make sure to never take the brown eye flight from ATL to Barcelona

The thought that all men are warriors, and all women are gardeners is pretty funny.

I guess Adam Friedland had a change of flight plans 💩

I think the Chapo boys need to own up and finally reveal it to their fans....that was Virgil on the diarrhea flight to Barcelona. He was the culprit.

Chris has such a soothing voice that he fully classes up the pod.

Someone got paid to write that plants vs oafs article. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, my dad had and has a tendency to be a bit agressive when it comes to cutting down the plants in late fall, as well as mowing around the edges of the gardens too aggressively. Recently, he pulled up some milkweed that was given to us by a friend of my mom’s, but thankfully, it had a bunch of rhizomes in the waiting that popped a bunch of new shoots up.

Noon Central African Time once more, enkosi Chapo

How do you boys like yer schlappy joes? I made em extra schlaaaappy fer yas!

The schlapps are back!

"cactuses" lol - cooking is a good gateway to gardening, nice work on the heirloom tomato mention

Well done. Funny as hell

this artwork is dope, it never gets old, especially the CIA top secret memo on the table next to the gaming earphones.

The lawn bit made me want to see the boys get Crime Pays but Botany Doesn't on the show. It would be pretty cool I think

They pretty much just upload whenever 😅

If anyone's interested in The Original Poop Plane you may enjoy this preview of WTYP's bonus episode from a few months back ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-OEO5Zgbhc1Q.html

40:06 I love Andrew Chiles so much. Just pure, innocent day-to-day minutia in his writing.

Why is the audio so terrible

Trumps comedian timing is impeccable...

Get you a girl who can Schlapp

@9:59 for the start of the Jimmy Buffet discussion, if you're like me and have been listening to it on repeat

44:40 standard pruning for a grape vine is to take off like 90% of the material, so to kill one by pruning is...almost incredible lol.

Dónde está fucking baño?

I'm ready to get schlapped baybeeee

Will called a plane a "hermetically sealed soda can" that's accurate

Turder on the Orient Express

Shows good when producer guy talks more, especially bouncing off Matt. Helps counter the work from home vibes

Matt's microphone sounds terrible 😫

if you have an aphid problem, use wasps.

places everybody!

6:00 “Red Eye”? You mean Pink Eye

He's my lover...schlapp! He's my intern...schlapp! He's my lover...schlapp! He's my intern...

These guys need to take a turf class😂

6:00 "Lets bog roll"

Hey, are you guys going after the independent yt guys who clip your show? Because if so, I'm outtie af.

Felix has been absent a lot lately. I wonder if he's on his way out

Convenient that Felix isn't on to discuss the allegations.

Bring back Brendan full time

just skip to 6:30 -- idk why they even discussed this airplane story.

Matt, calm down. you're gonna have a stroke

first, and gay

God, Felix is so unfunny

10:00 your missing the point. People payed extra attention to Trumps golfing because he criticized Obama for it saying he’d be too busy “running the country” to golf. It’s, to liberals, a direct measure of his hypocrisy. Of course the point of highlighting hypocrisy is as a persuasive tool and so far no persuasive argument or evidence has been found to bring Trump supporters back from the brink.