Porn Addiction Is Misunderstood: How To Actually Stop - Dr. K Healthy Gamer 

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"When a person can't find a sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure" Viktor E Frankl

I'm 42 yrs old now. I've Been a heavy addict since I was 16, 3 years ago, I Lost my wife and daughter because of heavy porn use . the guilt almost killed me, so I said enough and decided to escape from this shithole. I read a ton of books (the only one that changed me was "Befapless" because it had the most realistic steps for quitting), joined communities(like "r/nofap"), and gave it all to quit. . I'm clean for 3 years now. I feel regret every day about the time that passed. I wasted my life. I wish I hadn't. God, I wish I hadn't. If you're young reading this, please do anything at all necessary to overcome this ASAP!

Great talking with you, thank you for the conversation 💚

Porn should be illegal.

Wow, he hit it right on the head. I noticed that when I gave up pornography I was also forced to confront many issues in my personal life that I was avoiding through porn.

Guys, I have a crippling prawn addiction. Just the other day, I was driving down the freeway when I saw a sign for red lobster. I nearly took the exit, but I stayed strong. Haven't touched prawn in three months. I'm doing this for myself as well as my family. I'm tired of living shellfishly.

I’m 26 days into quitting porn, it’s wreaked havoc on my ability to intimate with someone and has been such a source of shame/brain fog/diminishing self respect over the years. My head is so much clearer at the moment and I actually respect myself for the first time in my life

As an addict for over 2 decades and now 10 years in recovery from neurological addictive patterns from fantasy and porn addiction, I can vouch this is more powerful than substance abuse

I’m 23 and have watched porn ever since I was around 10 years old. The past few years I’ve struggled immensely with motivation and have struggled with anxiety and depression. Only now am I realising the damage this addiction is actually doing to me. I can’t believe porn is normalised when it literally effects the brain the same way many drugs do with create an absurdly high dopamine spike followed by a drop that is below baseline. I’m only on day 5 right now of not watching it but I already feel more clear minded and less ashamed of myself!

I kicked vaping. I kicked weed. This is something else

Great guest. He's extremely understanding and not condescending at all. Been subscribed to him for more than a year and a half. Amazing insight.

I love how articulate Dr K is. Always a pleasure to listen to.

The big problem with being addicted to porn, is that it's literally free and available everywhere on the internet. Imagine if someone struggling with alcohol could get free drinks all the time, then that person would probably never quit because they don't need to pay anything. This is a serious issue when fighting a severe porn addiction and it needs to be addressed with governments and internet providers around the world.

Low self esteem is at the core of porn addiction. Doc was spot on here

Holy shit this is a crossover I didn't even expect. I've been watching Dr K for like 3 years and he's helped me tremendously. Really looking forward to the entire episode coming out!

1:54 absolutely correct. I told someone one time, I have very little support group to break my porn addiction. I said, "If I told you I was trying to beat a heroin addiction, you'd be immediately empathetic"

Chris is on a RAMPAGE with these great guests!

"a man who lacks purpose will distract himself with pleasure" find a purpose people!!!! i certainly am trying to find mine.

Spent over 2 decades addicted to porn. Could not beat it no matter what I did it was destroying me. Took a heroic 7g mushroom trip (psylocibin) about 2 1/2 months ago. Wrote my intentions beforehand and prayed over it. Haven’t looked at porn or haven’t even had the urge since that day. In fact the trip started with God telling me, “You aren’t addicted to porn, it’s done”. Most freeing feeling ever

This explanation is so spot-on. People smoke pot to excess out of a sense of meaninglessness. It’s the same with any other coping mechanism where the person feels horribly ‘stuck.’

As a therapist who works with men struggling with sexual behaviors, your podcast has been incredibly helpful and informative and I use relevant conversations in my work with them from time to time, so thank you!

I wish I wasnt exposed to it when I was so young. I was super addicted before I even had capabilities to realize what an addiction is.

Speaking the truth from childhood trauma, stress, lack of self worth

The way to stop is to keep being busy throughout the day. Workout and go to sleep on time. Put your phone down completely once you hit the bed.

This hits home so bad...I've been an addict since I was probably 11 or 12, and I have been experiencing all the issues brought up. Thanks for bringing these up and making me understand my issues better, as well as now attempting at solving them.

This whole video was a gem. Very insightful to know what is the #1 trigger for p*** usage (meaninglessness). However, that little moment from 11:51 until 12:23 is golden. The fact that society is moving more towards removal vs getting better at dealing with things. Can't wait for the whole video. This is awesome !

I’ve quit all kinds of drugs and quitting porn is more difficult. It’s not as complex as explained in this video - it literally just feels so effing good for free, that’s why it’s so addictive. The withdrawal symptoms (inability to focus, demotivation, irritability, etc) last a long time and we don’t tend to associate them to the porn use. There needs to be a cultural shift if we are to more effectively help people suffering because of this « super stimulus ». Thanks for the video. ❤

this guy is a genius. glad he is getting more attention

I’ve had a pron addiction for about 3-4 years and I’ve combated it this year and am now 6 months clean, hopefully I can keep this up

11:55 If I have a problem with something, our society is moving more and more towards "that thing needs to go away," as opposed to, "I need to get better at handling it." So the really scary cycle that I see is that the more that we remove things, the less tolerant we become, and then smaller and smaller things can set us off.

Did not expect this awesome collaboration!!! Been listening to both creators for about 2 years now and honestly this has made my day!

This is going to be by far one of the best episodes ever. Thank you so much for the content Chris!

The most interesting and useful interviews are the ones in which you hear and learn something you have not heard or considered before. This interview fits into that category. Dr K is also a good speaker.

"The more that we remove Things the less tolerant we become" Yoo that was soo bright!

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 Porn *addiction is often misunderstood and is a powerful emotional coping mechanism, not necessarily linked to sexual perversion.* 02:20 Research *shows that the main variable associated with pornography addiction is a sense of meaninglessness in life.* 03:32 Porn *use is not primarily a sexual trigger; it's driven by life circumstances and emotional regulation.* 05:23 Pornography *addiction is compared to other coping mechanisms like binge eating, alcohol, cannabis, social media, and video games.* 06:33 Downstream *effects of porn use include sexual dysfunction, such as "death grip syndrome" and difficulty with real physiological interaction.* 08:57 Shame *and guilt associated with porn use can lead to difficulty performing and maintaining erections, impacting psychological and physiological aspects of sex.* 09:51 Porn *usage can escalate to more extreme content, desensitizing individuals and making real-life interactions less stimulating.* 11:45 The *story one tells themselves about porn use contributes to its impact; demonizing it may exacerbate issues, and a healthier approach is developing better coping mechanisms.*

It IS possible to quit, guys. I've been off for 6-7 months now. My recommendation is to change your day schedule / patterns.

No way this collab happened!! Much love to you and Dr. K.

I was addicted to porn unknowingly since I was 12 till last year at 34. I have a long road ahead to re-wire my brain but I am already seeing benefits such as actually feeling emotions, better outlook on life just to name a few.

Maybe the best video on porn addiction I've seen. Keep up the great work!

My goodness, thank you for this response, it's a breath of fresh air from the types of people that get completely puritanical about the way these addictions function.

Might sound hyperbolic, but Dr K is gods gift to humanity. Nobody compares when it comes to describing and helping with psychological issues online. He makes every other "coach" or self-help guru look like a charlatan.

He is spot on about everything. I was molested at age 7 by my nanny and at 13 I discovered pron lol ohhhhhhhhhh boy. where I was spending hours outside using that as a distraction, not eating, just being outside all day, after discovering pron, I was always inside. I was spending something like 6 hours a day using pron trying to numb those feelings. Although i've lost many many years to pron i have no regrets, that's just how life is, we all get dealt a card in this life and now i'm making the most of whatever time I have left. If you're young and wondering if you should quit or not, i would say first figure out what is the underlying issue that causes you to even seek out pron, video games, and other distractions to NUMB your feelings in the first place. What you trying to run away from? if you say 'nothing' well that's what I would've said when i was your age. You are running away from, it doesn't have to be as big as being molested, or civil war like me, it can be bullying, it can be neglect from your parents, it can be just being a teenager. I don't know but you should investigate and spend some time with yourself ALONE instead of trying to run away from yourself so much. Hope this helps.

So true. It's a coping mechanism. It's also really difficult because women are so beautiful and sex is so amazing. The feeling of being sexually turned on is incredible. It's a very difficult thing to say no to. I think it's also connected to the desire for connection, attention, the desire for love, the desire for validation, etc. It's really connected to the feeling of needing to be satisfied in life. What REALLY sucks about it though is the fact that porn is so good sometimes that it's depressing. Youll never have what's happening on the screen. It makes you chase a rabbit you're never gonna catch and it makes you feel hopeless. And it makes you wish you had a woman in your life who acts like a porn star, and many women dont and never will. So it distorts everything.

i love how Chris always uses his words very intellectually.... I learned a lot from him.

1. Having a purpose. Getting a meaning to life. 2 Nothing to do with sex. It's for emotional regulation. Thank you.

Sickest crossover. You're covering everyone man, I love it. Keep it coming!

The “death grip” thing is no joke. Any man that says he has difficulty climaxing when with a woman is probably suffering from this. I’d bet everything I own on it.

Very exited for this episode, really like Dr. K's insight on a lot of things!

Man, this was 🔥🔥🔥. Watch what we eat and discipline yourself. Brother, I am a firm believer in that. How can we overcome the devil and we are sloppy and can’t stop eating donuts? GREAT STUFF!!!!!

"If I have a problem with something, our society is moving more and more towards "that thing needs to go away," as opposed to "I need to get better at handling it." I'm saving that for later

I was addicted for 10 years, from age 17 to 27. I know how powerful this addiction can be and the utter distruction that can come from it. It's imperative that it's more understood by the general population and not the opposite.

Chris you legend you read my mind getting him on. Healthy gamer has been on my recommended and I know you’ll ask the right questions in the full pod.

Quit porn for 2 weeks, failed, now trying again. So far 1 week.

Not going to lie this conversation is mind blowing and explaining more than i expected.

Meaninglessness is probably correlated with addiction in general, not porn in particular.

Something that may also make porn attractive in my opinion, is the lack of effort required. With porn, you can reach an orgasm without having to make ANY effort at all. But with sex, EVEN if you have a partner, it still requires effort. There is the psychological effort of being on the same wavelength as your partner. There may be the pressure you put on yourself to please your partner. And there is the physical effort you have to do to actually peform sex.

Every time you engage with pornography, you weaken your will power. Every time you do something that requires discipline, you strengthen your will. At the end of the day, it comes down to having a strong will. I found to easiest way to ween off porn is to only masturbate without it. Still get the chemical hit, just now it’s downgraded. Eventually you’ll need to psychologically reframe your sense of a meaningful relationship and only end up orgasming through sex with a committed partner. Do this long enough (maybe within 6 months) and you’ll look back on the days of your porn addiction as if it happened to someone else. Speaking from experience.

i am a woman and i have a severe porn addiction, it started when i was around 8 years old. I discovered it through the internet on accident, and ever since then i would use it to achieve orgasm. I’m 23 now and i haven’t had the strength to quit. I’ve tried several times, but there’s always something that sets me off and gets me coming right back.

As a virgin I really thought that whole death grip thing was a myth. “I’m like come on, I can make myself “go” in a couple of minutes. Obviously the first time I’m with a girl it’ll be over in 30 seconds or less.” This thought process caused me a lot of anxiety with dating to the point that I avoided it. But when I finally lost my virginity, 5 minutes passed, then 10, then 15, then 30 and I still didn’t finish. We ended up stopping after ~45 minutes because both of us were exhausted and she was more than satisfied. In a way I was proud of myself for doing a good job and completely subverting my expectations, but I also felt ashamed because clearly something was wrong if I can’t get off literally the very first time I’m doing the deed with a woman. Subsequently I’ve always been able to finish. However there are still times where it takes far too long given the situation/intensity and I worry the girl thinks they’re doing something wrong when in reality it couldn’t be better.

It is so difficult to start stopping these days. Its like everything you see online is hypersexualized. Its getting on my nerves.

im not surprised that people who felt meaningless ended up watching pornography. Ive noticed those self help dudes I watch all have said they started watching porn when younger too but when they started fixing their lives through working out, reading, and just overall self improvement they all have said they stopped. It's amazing how the body works.

“It’s NO measure of health to be well adjusted to a Profoundly Sick Society” . J Krishnamurti .

Back in my youth if you wanted to access to porn, you had to: be 18 yrs. old to access the video store to get it, or in certain sexshops for magazines a.s.o. Nowadays hardcore-porn is stuffed down the throat of minors via the internet and society does not see a problem with this.

The only remedy for me has been staying true to who I am. That is, who I really am. It takes years to find out, because it's hidden beneath layers upon layers. It's about setting boundaries. It's about reconnecting with your body in order to understand what your body has experienced, what it says and needs (when your're tired and need sleep for instance). It's about re-connecting with your feelings in order to meet and express every emotion in the healthiest way possible. I had to learn to cry again. It's about re-connecting with your voice in order to speak your highest truth. It's about re-connecting with your highest self and integrating your values and purpose into your heart. In order to live out your purpose. Because that is the only true road to a meaningful, purposeful life. Live out your highest potential, know who you are, learn to trust who you are. And reprogram your sexual energy by shifting your intention when It's activated. Whenever I see a gorgeous woman, I put my mind towards my intention to be a protector. That is my role as a man. What is yours?

It’s not hard to quit porn 🤦🏽just delete social media for a year, block adult sites from your search settings and workout 4x a week…..and do NOT lay down for too long when your bored 🤘🏾if you need real advice just reply

one day i decided that for the next month iw as going to be as healthy as possible. i went to the gym at least 5 times a week, stopped all junk food, no alcohol and i also decided to stop porn consumption completely. and it was oddly very easy, and i think it was easy because of all the other vices i decided to cut out. after one month i got down to 64kg (i was about 70kg at the start of the month) i looked fit and cut and my mental clarity was definitely noticeable. i have resumed things like eating fast food every now and then and only drink maybe once every few weeks. but no porn at all and i dont desire to watch it either. it was a much needed reset! highly recommend everyone do what i did

Thank you for putting porn addiction as a non shaming non degrading way. Many of us, to be frank, is in this too.

One thing that helps with addiction is removing sources of the porn/drugs/etc. Block the porn sites, don't go anywhere near a bar or drinking parties if you're a recovering an alcoholic, avoid enabling friends who will cause a relapse.

He analyzed this so perfectly...pple usually think porn addicts are sex addicts, far from the truth...it is a coping mechanism to escape some unhealed pain and trauma..and d sad thing is it has a tighter grip on u with more usage....that is why u have lots of married pple who still use porn aggressively.....it has to be one of d most addictive habits to stop....

It's the massive dopamine hit you get from porn viewing that makes it extremely difficult to stop. It took me years to finally overcome the urge. I'm still in recovery and the temptation is always there, but everyday that passes without me succumbing to the urge is a victory💪

The most ambitious crossover I never thought I'd see

I was addicted to booze and I was addicted to porn, and it was MUCH easier to give up booze than porn to give you an idea.

Chis won’t stop until he interviews God himself.

I think lack of meaning in my life not having a relationship with friends and girls make me feel like I am a loser.I thought that attending to college will help me socialise more and make me feel normal ,but I have been relapsing almost every day ,I learned that I can't really progress in life without tackling this urge and addiction, I really hope that this will be the last day

I have recently begun my journey into cleansing myself from porn and, so far, the best way I have been handling it is handicapping myself from it. My own willpower isn't enough to stop me from watching it so, I have created a system that completely handicaps me from even looking at porn. I can't access porn websites, keywords that could lead to me watching porn have been blocked entirely so, even if I see something that might trigger me, I am completely unable to act on it. And most importantly, I pray for God's grace and strength to help me overcome lust

When He said meaninglessness is one of the biggest factor in porn use. I silently cried inside. Wooo 😓😓😓 find meaning Damn that's good

I used to have a p*** addiction and was able to overcome it completely about 5 years ago. I just hated the way I felt after. Well I had adverse reaction to the J&J jab and my testosterone is almost at zero. Now I take testosterone every week and I can tell you that it is 10 times harder to stay away from it. Fortunately I have a loving wife that will take care of my second puberty at the age of 46. I quit drinking 8 years ago and had a pretty bad addiction to opiates. I personally think that pornography is more addictive than alcohol or opiates. Other than the withdrawal pain you feel.

Nonjudgmental clarity about the stigma. Looking forward to the conversation and hopefully more collaborative content.

i wish female porn addiction was talked about more, but im very grateful for this.

I need to address the myth of a "healthy relationship with porn" statement that was made in this conversation. I am 50 years old, and I have been addicted to porn since I was 6 years old. Nothing destroys your ability to connect with people on an authentic level like porn. It has become progressively more mainstream over the years, and its effect on our culture at large is destroying us at our core. This is not a projection on my part. Look at how pervasive the sexualization of everything around you has become. We are, as a culture, incorporating pornagraphic mentality into our daily interactions with other people. Pornography is about objectifying people as sexual icons that are to be exploited. Even casual, intermittent porn use viewed as "healthy" rewires the brain to seek gratification from other people in non sexual ways that mirrors exploitation. There is no such thing as healthy porn use.

Holy shit! Doctor K and Chris ❤

I love Healthy Gamer! He speaks so well to young lost men.

For many, it’s better than getting rejected endlessly in dating.

I suffered extreme depression for years, I pushed away myself from women who wanted met, I was lonely for almost 8 years and I didn't talk to women and answer their phone calls. I couldn't study or work for around 6 years because of excessive porn. I beg everyone to please quit this. I am 36, single and struggling with sleep and mental health.

It’s not just about how you perceive your use. It’s mainly about the massive dopamine floods for zero effort

I am an addict. I was addicted to pretty much anything I could get my hands on in my late teens. I almost died a couple of times and spent a good three months in which if I had been examined, would likely have been committed to an insane asylum. I managed to go cold turkey in my early twenties and have been clean ever since. I also worked as a pornographer for well over a decade. You'd think if porn were addictive I would, being an addict, be utterly consumed by it. The reality is the absolute opposite. I never look at porn. It has nothing to do with any moral aspersion or taboo. I'm just not interested.

The less tolerant we become smaller and smaller things can set us off.... This stuff just hit different when I think about my anger issues. Literally, ignoring anger is worst thing we can do as it will burst in the most bizzare way we can hardly imagine.

Never been a believer of the nofap trend so I clicked this video very luckwarmly...been sitting in my tabs for 2 days. But BOY am I glad I watched it !! So interesting and enlightening. Some truths almost made me uncomfortable I as felt very called out but y'all are truly doing Lord's work with this one. A much needed conversation, you guys can be proud of what you contribute to society on this topic.

It was easier for me to quit drinking and nicotine, than it is to quit porn. Im now 1 month no porn. Going for another month and building up

You know what's really interesting is that we've only addressed visual porn which is obviously a massive problem. As a woman, I can tell you that we have those same issues which never get addressed and most of us read it rather than watch it. I'm sure Chris can tell you as a former cover model that erotic/romance novels are a huge industry and also highly addictive. I got introduced through my mother's collection and it's been insanely difficult to stop. You can go down a very deep rabbit hole with that stuff too and Dr. K is right about the death grip thing. I noticed my tastes getting really specific and had to back off for a bit to readjust. I'm working on quitting entirely now.

“In almost all cases of pornography addiction the person was exposed before puberty.” The average age of first time pornography exposure is 11, so nearly EVERYONE is exposed prepubescently.

Chris, I love your podcast, I love many of the questions you ask and I love many of the things you say. But today I want to really push back on what you said about some porn use being healthy. Looking at the big picture, or overall results of porn in this world, it seems the ratio (and I apologize for this oversimplification) is something like 1%”good”/99%”bad”. 1. Porn has contributed significantly to sexual abuse of adults and children 2. Porn is linked significantly to the ever increasing problem of human trafficking (if you haven’t seen Sound of Freedom, you should. It is an excellent film) 3. Porn use is a factor that contributes to many divorces 4. Porn has created countless addictions and often deepens self loathing. 5. It has contributed heavily to the over sexualization of our culture 6. For many it creates sexual dysfunction 7. It does tremendous harm to those who are apart of the creation of it (interviews with ex porn stars will break your heart) (I apologize for not providing any stats for these points. I did not have the time to look up the hard data) These are just a few of the big problems porn creates or contributes to. There are countless others, big and small, and some we don’t even realize yet I’m sure. Suffice it to say, the net result for porn is a REALLY big negative, so I have a really hard time seeing how any amount of porn use can be healthy. On personal note, and as a woman, can I just say how much I hate porn for making me feel so inadequate. Knowing what is available to my husband to view online if he chose to makes me feel like I have to compete in order to be desirable. I take good care of myself and am at probably peak attractiveness for me, but I’m still nowhere close to what is online. My husband has never given me any reason to feel ashamed of my body, but still there’s always this worry in the back of my mind that I’m not enough because porn looks better than the best I have to offer. Personally, I just hate porn in every way

Not many people praising porn on here. Vast majority are expressing how devastating it has been on their lives. More conversations are necessary to bring this fact to life, porn is very addictive and causes very bad outcomes

Porn needs to be pay to view. I believe that would help stop most people from getting a addiction to it.

If you are addicted to porn--Get yourself a loving partner with whom to watch it--You both will find something else to do very quickly.

No matter what happens, porn will get us all. Its how we overcome it that matters

cant even make it through a 13 minute video without multiple ads anymore

I want to comment on the last part. The other guy mentioned that if you demonize the corn addiction then it's bad and otherwise it's not. If I think that cigarette smoking is a good thing, does it becomes good for me? If I think that coca,ine and hero,ine is a good thing, does it become good for me? The answer is absolutely not. Then how are you saying that if you think porn in a good way,it becomes less detrimental. It is what it is. If it's bad, it's bad. If it's good, it's good. There's no silver lining in between.

I fell in porn trap when I was 6-7 years old, I was addicted till I discovered about nofap/semen retention at 19yo. Now I'm 23yo and my brain slowly starts to heal from it I still have to do something dangerous and life threathening to feel alive because porn kinda made me numb. Literally PORN made me drug dealer.