The Seattle Mariners build a death star | Dorktown 

I believe there's video of it

There’s a whole list of players traded by Seattle that ended having damn good careers. Personal favorite, other than Ortiz, is Jason Varitek

i would've if i didn't already know the story as a die hard sox fan

ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-OGTFTphyBo0.html

I SWEAR I PUNCHED THE AIR

Same. Recognized it instantly lol

jesus christ i knew immediately

And what an arm it was!

SAME

^^^

although he did once lose to a releif pitcher who had never ever even hit the ball in the majors.

hahahaha

I believe that happened when he was with another team.

@@riolusx2926 He'd never even swung at a ball in a professional capacity, not in the KBO, NPB, or MLB.

Underrated comment lol

A description to end all descriptions

And yet I still love the guy.

It's an _awfully_ good line in this context, but I have to say you don't get out much. Take just _The Sopranos,_ for starters. HARSH LANGUAGE ALERT --- Making small-talk in bed after dull, unimaginative oral sex. Tony's young Russian mistress: I've been reading _Chicken Soup for the Soul._ Tony: You should try tomato sauce for your ass - it's the Italian version. --- On learning that his son A.J. is facing an ADD diagnosis at school. Tony: What constitutes a fidget? --- When Big Pussy goes on the lam, without leaving a forwarding address: Tony [to Dr Melfi]: I can't find Pussy anywhere. --- Dr Melfi: When's the last time you had a prostate exam? Tony: Hey, I don't even let anyone wag their finger in my _face._ --- The following all from just one immortal episode: Tony: [over the phone] It's a bad connection so I'm gonna talk fast! The guy you're looking for is an ex-commando! He killed sixteen Chechen rebels single-handed! Paulie Walnuts: You're not gonna believe this. The guy killed 16 Czechoslovakians. He was an interior decorator. Christopher: Captain or not right now we're just two assholes lost in the woods. --- Tony Blundetto: To think. When I got out of the joint, I thought an airbag was Paulie Walnuts. --- Tony in therapy after smoking a big one in his SUV while Furio beats the living crap out a sad, middle-aged punk and his stubborn, iron-spined Asian wife, for not kicking enough upstairs from their brothel operation. Melfi: How'd that make you feel? Tony: I wished it was me in there. Melfi: Giving the beating or taking it? Tony thinks he has just shocked Melfi by confessing to a Jones for beating women. Game, set, and match to the unblinking, iron-spined Dr Melfi. Tony momentarily reels in speechlessness as a new respect gains a secure perch within his teflon hubris. --- Tony: [to Carmela, musing on basically having incited a war with Uncle June by teasing him about his sex life on the golf course in front of his underlings] Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this. --- When Adriana not-so-subtly harasses Christopher to pop the question already as a side-line to a discussion someone else's wedding preparations, during the appetizer course of a dinner for four. Carmela: Has Anna chosen her caterer yet? Adriana: She booked Villa de Roma. Carmela: Good, 'cuz if you ask me, Caravaggio's is slipping. Adriana: I heard they fired their produce guy. Christopher: Enough! I'm so sick and tired of hearing you people talk about food, food, food. That's all anybody ever talks about is prosciutto, cheese and fucking fava beans - I'm drowning here! Tony: [making a menacing gesture toward Christopher with knife and fork] Jesus Christ, take it easy! Christopher: We're not even engaged yet. Tony: When you're married, you'll understand the importance of fresh produce. --- And finally, perhaps the best two-word summary of another character's eerie facial vibe in recorded history: Tony: [to Richie Aprile] Don't give me your fucking Manson lamps. Just fucking stop it. Understand? --- So there's that, from _The Sopranos_ alone. Don't even get me started on Mel Brooks or Quentin Tarantino or Aaron Sorkin. --- Bart: Are we awake? Jim: We’re not sure. Are we…black? Bart: Yes we are. Jim: Then we’re awake, but we’re very puzzled. --- Jules: Well we'd have to be talkin' about one charmin' motherfuckin' pig. I mean he'd have to be ten times more charmin' than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I'm sayin'? --- - Why is America the greatest... - It's not the greatest country in the world, Professor. That's my answer. - You're saying... - Yes. - Let's talk about that ... - Fine. Sharon, the NEA is a loser. Yeah, it accounts for a penny out of our paycheck, but he [motioning toward right-wing climate denier] gets to hit you with it any time he wants. It doesn't cost money, it costs votes. It costs airtime and column inches. You know why people don't like liberals? Because they lose. If liberals are so fuckin' smart, how come they lose so goddamn always? - Hey! - And with a straight face you're gonna tell students that America is so star-spangled awesome that we're the only ones in the world who have freedom? Canada has freedom. Japan has freedom. The U.K., France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia. Belgium has freedom! 207 sovereign states in the world, like 180 of them have freedom. - All right... - And, yeah, you, sorority girl. Just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day, there are some things you should know, and one of them is there is absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we're the greatest country in the world. We're seventh in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, third in median household income, number four in labor force, and number four in exports. We lead the world in only three categories: Number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending where we spend more than the next 26 countries combined, 25 of whom are allies. Now, none of this is the fault of a 20-year-old college student, but you nonetheless are without a doubt a member of the WORST. GENERATION. EVER. So when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Yosemite? The problem with Sorkin, however, is that his protagonists always have a quick-oat Rain Man tucked into their back pocket. This guy, for example (as played by Jeff Daniels), is a walking CIA World Fact Book. Or maybe he's just invoking the law of 43. I once told a beer buddy that I had just read a new study the previous day reporting that 43% of all statistics exchanged over beer are made up in the spur of the moment. He started to nod agreeably, before finally spewing his beer about 3 s later.

Marc Morris how and why? Definitely more likeable than Big head Bonds but a cheater in every respect

Allan Stokes I didn’t want to read that long post of yours, but I’m sure it was great stuff

+

they are the dorkiest too (haha, cause like dork town. I'll show myself out, I know where the exit is)

They do win all of them

Is there an award? Like the Char-tees? (Did anyone see the Rick & Morty where Jerry won an Apple-ee?)

The Pretty Good award

Sam Bowers I grew up just outside St Paul and in his rookie year with the Twins he still went by David Arias. You can google his rookie card

It's crazy cause I knew that, but while this was playing it slipped my mind, so I got to feel that awesome surprise tidbit as well.

Ikr? That was my fav part, too, even though there's plenty here I didn't know... Sort of a "The Natural" moment...

That totally threw me out of place. I yelled a big ass "NO WAY" and quickly googled it. Turns out, David Ortiz complete name is David Americo Ortiz Arias.... That has to be one of the top 10 twist in anime.

Eaxactly

Holy shit lol imagine being so fucking stacked that you have to put Big Papi at 5 How do you even pitch to that lineup? Wow

Somewhere in there you have Boone, Wilson and Bell too.

Mike Hampton, Jason Varitek and Derek Lowe also in the farm system.

and randy johnson in the rotation

The thing is that Mike Cameron actually performed BETTER than Griffey after the trade.

Griffey = no rings 》 Ichiro = no rings. RODRIGUEZ = more NO RINGS.

@giuliettarenner1343 looking at your comment history makes it clear that you're one of the saddest individuals imaginable 🤣🤣🤣 You just lurk around other people's posts and impishly project your toxicity onto things they enjoy because, well, that's what sad, broken, toxic people do. I mean it's surely pathetic, but I guess I can't necessarily blame you. I mean, look at you... So basically you're just doing what comes naturally to a poorly adjusted "adult"

As soon as I saw that arm sticking out, I said “no fucking way”. This is the second time I’ve said that at the conclusion of a vid from this series. The first was at the Griffey intro.

man im so pumped for part 5 man the mariners had great players hall of famers and ichiro and jr were the best

@Harry Engel im from chicago and ive been a cubs fan all my life but ive always been intrigued by the mariners you guys had edgar the big unit jr a rod and ichiro man you guys should of had a ring before the dbacks

The Mariners have the perfect timeline. Part 5 has got to end with an introduction of the King right?

Mitch Walden interesting that they have him called “Ichiro Suzuki”, he did not use the name Suzuki in baseball, going by only “Ichiro”

Bonds retrieval arc

😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Bonds: "In order to be the best, you have to play dirty." Griff: "Don't do it, Barry! You must stay pure!" Bonds: "I gotta do what I gotta do, Griff." Griff: :(

paperchasin23 "You cant do it Bonds, you know the league will make you a villian." "Im tired of not being in the limelight Griff. Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do." Came up with that in like 2 seconds and it fits what the author wrote 😂

no thats A-Rod and jeter

Wow

What was your reaction to the next episode. Where ichiro couldn’t lead the Mariners to a title? Where the team fell apart?

@@bradhorowitz2765 I regret that I have but one downvote to give you

@@bradhorowitz2765 You are a bad person.

@Harry Engel I can't say for absolute sure but he never became a cartoomish bloated Mcgwire or Bonds. So I believe he didn't. Plus his numbers never spiked like the roid guys Mcgwire and Bonds and the others did.

@@jeremyboehm5512 what you mean? Bonds was a result of eating a balanced breakfast and believing in himself

The smart money is on the fact that he didn't. One of the best attributes of the juice, and what allows players to turn themselves into Soviet artillery pieces, is the fact that it helps the body heal much faster than normal. Considering the injuries that plagued Jr. all throughout his time in Cincy, and how many games he missed due to them, I find it highly, highly unlikely that he ever took a drop of the juice.

@@Memorex996 Exactly! Just like Hulk Hogan. Prayers and vitamins do wonders for body size.

I think people sometimes forget that you still have to hit the ball and get a good chunk of it to hit a homer. Juice won't make your technique better.

This elicited a real, actual, out loud laugh

Glad I’m not the only one

W/ how much RU-vid stuff has come out about the M’s, obvs I knew Ichiro was 27 his debut season- still chills, tho

Twixinator101 I’m confused who is it

Me: “hm... footage from 1995? I wonder who he’s talking about.” *10 seconds later* Me (An Asian Canadian guy): “OH SHT IT’S HAPPENING. OHHH MAN.. NOT LIKE THIS, DON’T END THE VIDEO LIKE THIS. PLEASE NO... DAMN IT!!”

down_and_out when he showed who it was a smile just slowly crept across my face as I shook my head 😂

my thoughts exactly

I said "Holy shit," myself.

Arthur Cooperman the fact the M’s had him chilling in the Minors and got rid of him 😭😭

As a life time mariners fan... I legit got up started screaming nooooooo nooooo nooo and crying a little lots of alcohol boy that one hurt...

not the people who watch tree

I had no idea he was in the M's farm. I knew he played as David Arias before making the Majors, but I didn't realize he had a chance to play alongside Griffey and $-Rod

Any true M’s fan already knew that.

I don't know a lot about baseball, I know some of the big names, but honestly, when I saw "David Arias" I was like, I don't know who that is... why is this.. "David Ortiz..." ooooooooooo... and now I'm more excited than ever to continue this series. I could watch another 600 episodes.

Wasn't Jason Varitek also traded away?

@@thomasdantas: Yup, with Derek Lowe in the Heathcliff Slocomb trade.

@@thomasdantas: Grew up going to M's games - got the 20-game package each year - between 1991 and 2002. Blows people away when I talk to baseball people outside the Seattle area and they realize those M's teams never made the World Series.

The owners and the whole front office should be banned from baseball. With all their bad trades and other decisions they have done, they have done some of the best players in the history of the game have zero rings. Such bad things done by the team. The problem with the M's is they never knew how to build a whole team. Individuals dont win championships in baseball teams do, and they traded championship players away, on bas trade after trade.

did better than me, I broke down for a few seconds.

@@AWPtical800 Lmao same. Why are we like this? How can Jon do this to us?

so well done

@@RobbyGAMEZ b/c we know good content when we see it ✊😢

Literally one of my first memories is yelling Ichiro's name in his jersey while watching from home, so I'm right there with you

You could definitely do it in hockey, and football just has less room for a stance or act that is unique.

Football requires moving images for it to work. Dan Marino’s release.

Uh, you could actually lol.

Absolutely you could in Football

between this and The Last Dance, us sports fans have been thriving during quarantine

@@izzyk15 seriously 😂

same. i don't even like baseball. but having grown up going to baseball games in seattle from the early 90s to the mid 00s with my dad, i still got goosebumps.

Same. Almost teared up.

BROO FRRRR

i have never seen that video before either, of Ichiro meeting Junior....wow, such great stuff

Absolutely. Sitting here with goosebumps. Can’t wait for episode 5!

Sh3vski same!

Same

Let me correct that: Jon: I think you might know his name too Everyone: ICHIRO! ICHIRO! ICHIRO!

@@cesarcabrera97 I A: dont watch baseball B: dont know all this stuff about the mariners and C:Live in Dallas texas and never been outa state I still knew who was gonna show up. ICHIRO ICHIRO ICHIRO! Jon bois is gonna make me fall in love with baseball. he hooked me in with basketball and football and now Im just a sports goblin.

I grew up watching Griffey, but Ichiro is probably my all time favorite Mariners player.

OMG I WAS 🤯🤯🤯 I NEVER KNEW THAT...ITS LIKE HE WAS PASSING THE TORCH

How can you not be romantic about baseball?

I rewatched and it happened again just as much

i started tearing up

I don't even like baseball

I don't even watch baseball and I feel the same

@Aryn Fatt i know they exist somewhere in the known universe but ive honest to god never met a mariners fan and after what they do with their teams I can't blame them

See, I knew this would be so good I tried to save it for a special occasion, maybe even long enough to get a double dose of Mariners Dorktown content next week. And then I gave up and dove in like a starving 12-year old burning his mouth on plate full of freshly microwaved pizza rolls. And it was the best thing that happened in more than a week, because that was the best episode yet.

if only the M's had drafted Trout instead of Dustin Ackley....oye oye oye

@@jeffsmith5196 eh the mariners would still find a way to waste mike trout

@@ninjatacoshark he'd hit like 100 HR and they'd finish dead last.

@@ninjatacoshark The truth hurts to read.

TheGoldenAge811 they wasted griffey

They said it the best: "The Mariners are like the fans' favorite 2nd team. Like a vacation team."

I moved to AZ in '97, and let me tell you, when Randy got there, his starts were "can't-miss" tv. And once they got Curt Schilling (and some other pieces), the D-Backs took off from there.

Actually if you go to the offical hall of fame site he's listed as a Mariner he's just wearing a diamondback hat

@Harry Engel Kim wasn't even that bad. He'd had a really good year.

From what I understand with the Baseball Hall of Fame and this could be wrong, the cap insignia that is portrayed on player's busts are mostly determined by the Hall of Fame voters/staff with players having a little bit of input. Then again, while I've would've loved to have seen Randy Johnson go into the Hall of Fame with the Mariner's cap, there's no denying what he did in Arizona could be argued is what pretty much guaranteed he was going to the elected into the Hall after starting his career looking like he would fizzle out quickly due to a reputation of control issues.

Peak Randy in Arizona was something else. From 1999 to 2002 he sustained a *187* ERA+ and a FIP- of *55*. The list of pitchers who have done better than that over any four-year span is very short: Pedro Martinez and Clayton Kershaw. And that's only by including seasons in which they pitched non-qualifying amounts of innings due to injury.

Corbin Getz I’m not even a baseball fan and I cannot stop watching

Ken Burns, eat your heart out.

Jason Quinn I love Ken but the comedy thrown in by Bois is priceless

Baseball is all about stories. These stories are not immediately obvious at first glance, hence why the average young sportsfan have neglected baseball as their past-time. Videos like this really really help bridge that gap.

@@SrwpkMX All sports is about stories, life is about stories... just most of them aren't made this interesting. I don't understand some of the terminology, I barely understand the game and I'm still gripped!

I chuckled at that part too

Ive never sternly looked at a paused youtube video until I registered what he said.

The zoom out to display the obscenely dense chart of this entire series really put the cherry on top, too haha

Noclip... somehow, this makes sense

Knack is back

Uncle Chambers you bet ur goddamn ass Knack is the fuck back babyee. I’m moths fick in Jan I and I never die

It's really well done. As a lifelong Mariner fan, I teared up when they mentioned Griffey's gift. I had no idea that meeting ever happened. Prepare to get your heart ripped out in the next part.

@@buddsmigglejibb I'm a sports nerd, I know the Mariners history, but I'm saying I've never felt it like this on an emotional level, that's what makes this so good, them being able to do that for people who have never rooted for the Mariners

The Last Dance/ SB Nation Foul Play Are the best ones

I thought it was going to be another cow

As soon as I saw that arm, the tears started flowing

Bruh it’s the song. I’m trying to find the song and I can’t stop

Scott Higgins when you find it can you hook me up?

I'm not even a baseball fan and I almost started crying

3:50 AM ET 1 year later and still watching this series, the David Arias AND Ichiro reveal, ALWAYS gets me. SB guys are awesome!

Same here.

I had teary eyes as Griffey handing the shirt over, because I knew they are going to mention Ichiro.

John Ulloa okay but the last dance is fire too

Lmaoo I could see it now watching what that would be like a whole bunch of charts an awesomeness

nahh, Last Dance it’s great too

Rich?

@@bradyrhodess bruh the series is 3 hours and 40 minutes

@@L1N3R1D3R They had 2 stadiums which were some of the worst in baseball and they concentrated on toilet jello instead of winning and could not bidout Griffey Arod and Randy. And they are a small market too.

@Harry Engel 500 homers without steroid suspicion is a surefire Hall of Famer, especially with all of his other stats.

this is what we've trained for

It’s okay it’s been nothing but heartbreak for years we are used to this ☹️

@@CoachBal I know.. just waiting for that Era after 2003.

probably because you know the results up until now

There are likely still holes in the Mariners clubhouse from A-Rod's fist.

(ARod comes back with a cup full of jizz) Do I put this in the freezer?

Classic

His final smash is just him bonking someone with his bat

I really like smash bros. But seeing a comment about it under this video caught me off guard. Kudos to you!

They have a character from a franchise that got its name from Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson should be a playable character.

@Great Cornholio Nah but it's like a cartoony loony toons bonk where he winds the bat up over his head and cracks the other character on the top of the skull

@Gavin Power No, just his classic clean power swing with that iconic pose and camera flashes going off in the background.

Home field advantage in the World Series used to be awarded to the league that won the All-Star game. That isn't a joke.

@@magicoddeffect I believe it is a play on the Even-Year-Bullshit shenanigans with the Giants. Who won three world series on consecutive even years of 2010/2012/2014 despite not being the most spectacular team but watching everything error itself out of their path.

@@magicoddeffect Eh, I kinda liked that, it made the all-star game interesting. Guys on contending teams would play with that little bit more intensity that made it fun to watch.

SpeedasaurusDex not even that long ago too

@@lilwaifu1347 with the exception of the 2011 Cardinals, from 2005 to 2017, an NL team won the WS in every even year, while an AL team won it in every odd year 2005 - White Sox 2006 - Cardinals 2007 - Red Sox 2008 - Phillies 2009 - Yankees 2010 - Giants 2012 - Giants 2013 - Red Sox 2014 - Giants 2015 - Royals 2016 - Cubs 2017 - Astros

🤣🤣🤣

I’m glad someone else caught this.

They knew what they were doing with that line. ouch

Yeah that one hurts me.

Oof lol

Same hahaha ilet out "helll yeah! got a beer and sat in my comfiest chair!love these videos!

So, never? He just benefitted from a great defensive lineup behind him and a pitcher's ballpark

Desperate twins & vikings fan I heard Austin meadows and Tyler Glasnow are pretty good

Connor Seams he was good but overrated here IMO

i feel ur username

@@edwardcook7568 THANK YOU, YOU UNDERSTAND THE PAIN

yup they signed him at 17(sound familiar with drafting Griffey and Rodriquez at 17 also) from the Dominican republic. Just a few days past his birthday. They listed him by his mothers name of arias but he changed it to Ortiz during his time with the twins as he wanted to go by his fathers name.

Just wait til the next chapter when the Moneyball A's show up.

Matt it was even his logo. I specifically remember i always wanted his Nike air Griffey IIs...parents wasnt buying them. His swing was prominently displayed...almost as iconic as mjs jumpman

I was a right handed hitter and basically taught myself to hit left by copying Junior for years. Enough to actually be a semi decent switch hitter for awhile.

Come on dude spoilers

heyandy x what hiw

How *

@@KevinRuiz-es4qg Just jokin'. ;) Not really spoilers to talk about something that happened like 10 years ago.

you will know real pain soon enough. Oh wait, you watched Russell throw to Malcom Butler in the Superbowl to ruin a dynasty. You understand completely. Seattle sports are truly remarkably sad

MLBs official stance on cheating is "don't get caught." Astros got caught, so MLB has to impose a penalty. The thing is, instead of imposing a punishment that is sufficient to actually deter cheating, MLB acts like a parent who doesn't want to yell at their kids and actually punish them, instead just saying "I'm disappointed in you."

@@tohrazul difference being players have a union 😏

@@joqqeman Now. The players union started in 1966. MLB has been around much longer than that. If MLB actually wanted to eliminate cheating, they very easily could have prior to the players union. In context with the Astros, the majority of players seem to want to eliminate cheating, so they should easily be able to get the union on their side and come up with a progressive discipline policy that actually works for the union and MLB; but they don't. MLB stance: don't get caught. Player's stance: we'll try not to get caught.

Bois has, jokingly or not, tweeted his support for the Astros malfeasance many times

Hahaha sameeee thing sgain

luis avitia It was in the video. It sounds like one tho.

*Houston astros have entered the chat

Dont you know the quote? "Cheaters always win"

Trying to find that last song lol

@@graywolf357 I did its called Slow Hope dont remember the artist

I mean, he's only barely wrong

Our current president isn’t obsessed with TV. He’s obsessed with being ON TV

George W. Bush was an avid fan of 24, a fact Jon pointed out in his video about the show. Barack Obama made an appearance on SNL, in-person. Yet somewhere, somehow, there's gonna be a conservative douchebag thinking Jon exclusively meant Trump so he can bitch about it.

It's a reference to the 1927 Yankees lineup.

16:54

@Harry Engel The Orioles that year were actually the better team. They had won 98 games and the their lineup was possibly even more stacked (Ripken, Alomar, Palmeiro, Baines, Anderson). While it is sad the Mariners didn't play well, it wasn't really an upset. The Mariners with all their talent only won 90 games that year, though sadly, that would have been good for the #2 seed with modern rules but pre-set divisonal matchups existed from 1995-97 where no matter what, the AL East champ would have home field vs. the AL West champ in that year's divisional.

Hit the JoJo music.

Jamie Barba that’s... four words

Different sport, different story but its clear you are not a Gonzaga fan who had the good fortune to know Father Tony.

Unless you play golf, "you're still away"

Free Pizza Cancelled

Ortiz and Martinez could both only really play DH. Both were just awful defensive first baseman. You see it all the time though. Trading away a promising young prospect for an immediate team need in hopes of making it to the playoffs. That trade just happened to be especially bad. lol

@William Hassell Yeah, but then you're getting into the money issue.

@@brandondillman5841 He wouldn't have gotten paid much for his first contract... Also, they still had no damn pitching! lol

@@imightbebiased9311 This right here. We didn't have a proper closer until Sasaki and he didn't last long.