@Fluff Your Garfield just to make sure this is not another comment to fall through the cracks of powerless dispair here is the expert on narcissism himself with your solution ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-X-6OhpcPHbo.html ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-X-6OhpcPHbo.html
It doesn’t always work. A person can be a pawn and or dupe. A person can also be an unwitting victim. I work hard at my job and mind my own business but found out I was being targeted by a visors Jezebel and her flying monkeys. I had no idea of the game that they were playing until I was up in HR clueless as to why people had lied about me. I wasn’t playing the game as I had no clue a game was being played until I was targeted. Now I see what these people do and how they systematically target people and use HR as a tool to lie, harm and vilify the innocent. So your statement is a nice way to think but it is not true. But a naive way of thinking. It is biblical that these wicked souls target people who are going about their life and loving God. In fact those who love the Lord and walk a path of love are often targeted because the evil spirits are angered by holy spirits.
Carol, I wish this were true, but sometimes even if we take no part we can still be hurt, either by lying to the police to have you arrested, contacting your work, making you lose friends, spreading very serious lies that will tarnish your reputation potentially forever It's a sick game and we don't need to play to get hurt.
I came across a quote that I had to write down because it really spoke to me: "When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth just like you did." I remind myself of this whenever I start feeling like I'm the crazy one.
Ment3l Torture Me too. :( Stay strong, and believe that it says way more about them than about you. Eventually the right people will note your composure and dignity, and notice the rants and smears and lies are all made by someone addicted to drama and victimhood. It's really nasty sadistic abuse. And it really shows, they trip up eventually. XX♡♡
Chunlita . True . I was accused of complete utter crap I wasnt even doing lol . Apparently I was spreading rumours about them 😂. Ummm no . What for . I just told them to get the hell over themselves. I dont have time to sit down going around like a pathetic idiot making up crap all day . I was like what theee 😐. I think narcs just think way to much of themselves.
The society is sort of built on -guiltying someone, -making a "bad example" of someone, don't you think? It's even in Hollywood movies - "oh that woman is crazy, she is not a human, just nuts". Try playing another role?
Brianna C. You're right that they eventually do themselves in. I used to want so badly to somehow get revenge on my narc. But I realized that sooner or later they get what they deserve, because they can only screw over so many people before it eventually comes back to bite them in the ass.
They start a smear campaign before you even know you're a target. Before you sadly realize what narcissism is. Then it all makes sense. All the wierd looks from family and stand off behaviour that makes no sense. The judegemental looks from the past all make sense once the puzzle comes together. You never had a chance because you were unaware and don't play that way. No contact all the way.
Tracy Yes, it's like duh, NOW I get it! I never understood it until I remembered the many traumas and realized what was really happening! Now, no one knows even where we are, problem solved!
Tracy This is absolutely what happened to me. Family, friends and administrators at my child's school. I noticed everyone reacting differently to me, to the point of aggression. And who did I lean on? The narc. When I finally realized what happened, the damage was done. I had to let all those people go bc I choose my children, my husband and myself. While it hurt for a long time to cut people out of my life, I am starting to get over it. What she (the lady doing the video, I'm new here) said is so true, if the important people in my life were so quick to believe all these lies, maybe they really aren't that important, or at least they shouldn't be. And we are still cutting people out bc the narc hasn't given up. They seek information through people still associated with us and get them to lie to conceal their relationship. Our sons therapist told us to cut all ties with the narc, which we did, and to cut all ties with people who still have contact with them. And sadly, we Ares till having to do that, more than 2 years later.
I also want to add that we got off all social media. That was a tool the narc used to ferret out people in my life that she originally had no knowledge of. We don't have fb or Twitter or any of that. Not to mention it is a way the narc can keep track of you through the people you still have contact with.
When my husband and me went through a difficult time, with various unresolved health issues of both us parents and our two toddlers plus loosing our jobs, my mother saw the opportunity to finally get rid of my husband, who she hat always hated because he is foreign. However I was not aware of what she was doing at all, thinking she was actually helping us. Several of my family members kept saying weird things to me. These comments made no sense to me, because I was completely unaware that my mother was talking badly about us behind my back. I thought I was loosing my marbles from the sleep deprivation I was suffering at the time related to my kids health issues. Only now, years later, after finding out about the smear campaign, I remember these comments and odd behaviour towards us and they finally make sense. I feel really stupid for not realising what went on then.
Ezekiel 13:17-19 King James Version (KJV) 17 Likewise, thou son of man, set thy face against the daughters of thy people, which prophesy out of their own heart; and prophesy thou against them, 18 And say, Thus saith the Lord God; Woe to the women that sew pillows to all armholes, and make kerchiefs upon the head of every stature to hunt souls! Will ye hunt the souls of my people, and will ye save the souls alive that come unto you? 19 And will ye pollute me among my people for handfuls of barley and for pieces of bread, to slay the souls that should not die, and to save the souls alive that should not live, by your lying to my people that hear your lies?
It's a control thing. With flying monkeys, not only does the narc have control of them, but they control the victim through the flying monkeys. Unfortunately, when you go no contact, the narc still has some control. They just made you go no contact, right? Something to think about. With a narc, there is no winning.
This is the story of my life. My parents are narcs and my siblings are their flying monkeys. The gossip they spread is truly hurtful and draining. 'No contact' goes against my upbringing and culture, so I thought that it also went against Christian beliefs...but it doesn't. I've always hated meeting someone new, putting my best foot forward, only to receive a look that said, "Oh, this is her." No matter how I conducted myself, it simply didn't matter. The narcs and flying monkeys set the stage and enjoyed watching me walk in and play the role they'd prepared for me. I will no longer throw my pearls to the swine, though. I have to finish mourning the loss of my "family," and am done seeking their approval because they will spitefully refuse to give it to me...in their eyes, I exist for their narcissistic entertainment. As I look back, it all makes sense now.
I feel for you. Grew up with narc dad and sister. Only connection was my mom who died when I was 19. Cut ties 15 years ago while narc in-laws continued the legacy. Used the entire system and communities against us...I'm surprised we're all alive. They have new supply with my grandkids now and they make connections with anyone they can use to create doubt, hatred and anger. Meditations and videos like this give me hope. Stay strong. Love and Light.
I know it hurts and I know it's a kind of pain that not everyone can understand. I know it's painful to have to cut people out especially when they were someone we thought was a true friend. I'm going through this now so I do understand
I love the term "smear campaign". It's perfect. An entire group of former friends have decided I've done something wrong based on one person's opinion of me. And this person has a bad opinion of me because I set up boundaries with her and told her to stop verbally abusing me. Now I'M the bad guy. It's truly driving me crazy!
They HATE boundaries. Another person setting a boundary indicates to them that they aren't as perfect as they want to appear to be, so they have to make you out to be the nasty one. You have to prepare yourself for the extreme drama.
I have been hunted by predators, flying monkeys for 10 years now in my neighborhood. They have not slowed down after all this time.. The only thing that has declined is my health from the continual stress . Though I don't do anything and never had done anything to them - they say they do it to me "because I'm a bad person".
So true... Not responding nor perticipeting... The best ways is even look comfortable, be successful and happy.. That is absolutely devistating to them!
I wish I had someone tell me this when I was being emotionally abused and smeared by a narcissist as a teen 😔 I got really depressed thinking people were going to hate me because of them.
@@moyamontgomery1468Do you mean those narcissists? Yes, thats true. My siblings are like this.... It seems like htat becomes their liv=fe mission... Keep no contact, and see in between their motives... Send love and be happy...!
I've learned that when it comes to flying monkeys and anyone appearing as one is to cut contact IMMEDIATELY and lay low. Silence is Golden is extremely important when pertaining to these situations. Excellent video!...God bless!
The hardest thing is letting go and ending the need to explain yourself when a narcissist and their flying monkeys are trying to smear you. I had such a hard time until I realized how much power I was giving them by feeding into it all and worrying about whether or not people would believe them and not me. It is truly exhausting, but since I have cut them out of my life and ignore them when they try to contact me, I have had so much peace! And not only that, I have focused on working hard creatively and I have been able to get great art opportunities. This helped me realize that my work and my integrity will speak for itself as long as I keep my focus on healing, keep showing up and keep being myself no matter what anyone else says. They need a reaction in order to keep the chaos alive but I don't have to give that to them. None of us have to.
@wild enemy very well said, I’m dealing with smearing, the noise campaign etc. harassment of people who are lower than me obsessive sociopathic people sometimes I want to be violent, not to prove anything but to really take it to another level. I practice not to think like that knowing that it’s a trap along with me being gang stalked, even the police and fireman are in on it, do you have any advice for me please
My narc moved upstairs from me. He convinced the older woman there with his lies and charm. He moved my coworker there with him. He then connected with the mother of one of my children's friends. I've lived here for 20 years and not only has he smeared me with my neighbors, but he and his flying monkey's have my family thinking there's something wrong with me. None of my neighbors speak to me anymore. So I have gone No Contact with everyone. I cannot move right now, but your videos have been so very helpful. Thank you so much.
Vera T why is this sick crap allowed to continue? Stop the madness. Other people have NO RIGHT to control you, or take your happiness and peace from you. God speed.
If it makes you feel any better, I pretty much have to go, "no contact" with my whole entire family, on both sides and stay away from my home town. all compliments of my beloved mother. Everybody thinks she's such sweet, innocent victim of two difficult daughters....
Hi @Help Me Your story resonated with me. I too grew up as the lone wolf (black sheep/scapegoat) in a Cluster B family. The covert's are the worst. Like you, I figured out that something was wrong with them and although it took many decades to figure out exactly what it was, I just feel so lucky that my inner compass was always True North, you know? My theory is that I was spared their affliction, and gained a healthy objectivity, due to a year I spent away from my parents, when I was around 2 years old. From what I understand, the brain disorder is established between the age of 2 and 3, if one is subjected to the "right" conditions. I think I must have detached somewhat from my parents at that very young age. On the one hand it makes me think "Jayzus! What kind of parents send their 2 and 5 year old daughters to live with relatives thousands of miles away, for an entire year??" But on the other hand I think, "Fuckin' ell! That was a lucky strike!" Ironic that their neglect and incapability of being parents should end up being the very thing that created the conditions for me to escape becoming one of them. "Trip out!" as my old rehab roommate used to say! I have a lot of sadness for my older sister though who is still in denial and co-dependently enmeshed with our mother. I don't think she'll be truly free until my mother dies which is horrible.
I'm truly sorry you went through that Vera. I've been going through difficulties as well, because of my covert narcissist adult son keeps smearing my name to friends and family, and they to are believing my covert son. It's unfortunate. Best to keep going forward and listening to helpful videos such as these. My family and other people think there is something wrong with me to. Your not alone. Reading the bible can help to. God bless you Vera!!
I've come to realize the look on my face says it all to the narcissistic person looking for a victim. Smile ignore and get out if you can! I went through this for years at a previous job and the job market was bad then. I kept my head held high and everyone turned against me for fear of being marked out also. They ended up leaving before I did! Don't let them see you sweat, they aren't worth your time and energy!
We do not want to become like the narcissist when we respond to them knowing that it will escalate things. Ignoring it is the best because it is feed back that these people are looking for. I agree with this talk! God says in the Bible "do not throw your pearls before swine." We are wise when we do what God said and that is to remain silent to someone who will not listen.
Jane Doe oh my god... I just did the same exact thing! I wrote this down and hung it up... I want to see this every day... To help me through the anger I have... I see these parasites all the time.... And it’s getting me so angry... It’s very hard for me to hold it in anymore..
I have been through this personally, I chose not to react to the gossip,it was hard but it worked, the toxic people left me alone and started doing it to someone else!, I guess because I didn`t react , I wasn`t fun for them, they couldn`t play with me, so they got bored with me and went to find someone else to play with. these people are SO pathetic. loved this vid Meredith. :)
I have been the target of a smear campaign for many years from a covert narcissist sociopath. I understand that the only person I can control and protect is me and my own space. I have lost all my friends and have few family members remaing on my side. This is a mess. Thanks for explaining exactly what this life lesson is for me.
There's no surviving a viper's nest. I want to learn to fly like an eagle high above the flying monkeys. You have great advice that I've lived through. In hind sight, I wish I'd known some of this. I never would have tried to convince the monkeys of the truth. What a waste of energy and mental health!
It starts from messed up parent/s who learned from their parent/s and now hold a PhD to teach their own innocent children. ...its all taught unfortunately..like a creature fighting to survive, its the only way the know how to. Some do it so well and get pleasure out of it. Making themselves addicts to the feeling of devaluation of another unsuspecting victim whom they see better than themselves...but weak enough to break. You may never know that someone is competing with you, while you quitely going about your ignorantly Blissful life... How can one be ignorant to evil...but aware of it at the same time, By watching everything and choosing not to participate. BLESSINGS to all, in time of chaos.
Yes this is good. They are band together. And all have sadistic personality drop them all no regrets, They don't act nice don't respect them deny them reject everything of them. They triangulate together and spread malicious gossip this is their favourite trick. Slander defamation.
@Shittum Wood i'm not sure. my younger brother seems like a malignant narc while my mom is definitely covert. some people identify with their abusers, meaning they adopt their bad traits and grow up to mistreat people in similar ways. i gotta break the cycle.
I started going to church to help me through the pain I was going through with all the narcs in my life... I loved it.... It was very peaceful... I even got involved in the church... But now I see trouble in the church... I don’t think I will last there much longer... It’s so sad...
Absolutely! The biggest benefit is that you find out who your real friends are. It's a blessing! It lets you prune out the dead wood. You'll be better off in the end. This is why i never listen to or join in with gossip. I either walk away, or i say something like, That's a pity because she speaks very highly of you! It shuts them up. But beware, they might then turn on YOU. Vile people. Avoid.
This is my situation. My boss is a covert narc, and almost all of the staff are flying monkeys. I just got a new job. He is furious that I didn't tell him I am leaving and that I didn't use him as a reference.
We can only hope the FMs learn the facts and grow up... but here is the problem .. the normal person does not believe gossip. The healthy mind laughs and thinks its jealousy. But FMs think its fact.
So true. When people hear a bunch of bs about someone and they decide to believe it based on one persons word then they have their own agenda and must be getting something from the narc. At least that’s been my experience. The flying monkeys who were so against me knew what my abuser was like but chose to continue their disgusting smear campaign. It’s because the narc makes it all a competition between people. Whoever will do the most for the narc is the “winner”. That’s their sick mindset. And the ones who fall for it are just as sick as the narc in my opinion.
Because JEALOUSY birds of a feather flock together! I finally had to accept that perhaps their jealousy was INDEED a big motive in it all. Bonus points for you mentioning their gossip... Because as I got to know these people over the years I noticed a lot more weird misplaced and mean gossip about other people. I should not have been shocked when it finally came for me from them, but I lived through it
"Reality check" ... made me cry. It's true people who know me well really are necessary when so much b.s. is thrown on me. It's one of the worst and painful things when being a good person and having integrity is what is important to you.
I had this happen to me in high school, I broke up with my boyfriend who was a senior and I was a junior. He made sure everyone in school thought I was a slut, I couldn't go to the bathroom, eat lunch, walk the halls sit in class without someone calling me names or throwing stuff at me. I lost all my friends and ate alone for an entire year. But I wouldn't give them the satisfaction I would not say a thing and I wouldn't let them see me cry. It took three years for people to lose intrest in bullying me and leave me alone, I didn't gain back my popularity but some people were no longer afraid to be friends with me. I still graduated in spite of the drop in my grades and missed days, I never dropped out even thoe I really wanted too, I tried to switch schools but I lived in the country and there was only one high school so the only other high school I could go to was an hour away and my parents would have to drive me, and that wasn't possible for my parents. In all I survived but it changed me completely and I mourn the person I was but am happy with who I am now in spite of my past.
This sounds like my high school story, I couldn’t understand why it was happening to me , I was such a quiet person who did my work in school but I had a lot of people jealous and I couldn’t understand why. My ex smeared my name as being a hoe and I had only been with him. So I went through the same as you , bullying, name calling , and isolation. I know now it was just based off of jealousy
I got more understanding re codependency in a minute than I got in a lifetime. Grateful. But I did learn that although I can't control them, they can't control me. I won't give them that much power. Also, re smearing...where there is no wood, the fire goes out. Stay silent.
I just recently went through this and from watching your video I realized that i actually did such a good job at ignoring them and focusing on myself. the girl turned everyone against me and even made it so the guy i loved chose another girl over me because of her lies. even though he knew he made a mistake and tried coming back to me, my heart is still broken from this. i do not know what to do except for focusing on what i need to do with my life, school and my goals. it is horrible to go through something like this, but just keep being strong. don't let them see you sweat. every time i felt vengeful i said to my self "get angry but sin not". it helped me through so much.
Nöelle W. ...I went through the same but it left an Opening..like ???..My ex Narc girlfriend destroyed me and my female classmate friendship..I liked her so much like POW..My classmate will not talk to me like 0 no response..My ex Narc girlfriend made me look bad and like I was a Playa and we will always be sleeping together...Yeah she told my classmate that..I apologize to my classmate and bought her flowers just to try to have fair ground and explain things...I haven't heard from her in 7 months period...I can't blame her from her end but I really did like her I thought at least she would hold a conversation by cell so I could tell the real deal...She done with me it's clear she believes my ex Narc girlfriend that calls her all types of H's and B's to me when I dumped her from my presence...it's crazy but I can't blame my classmate from her end she has no idea.
RRY PHILL I'm sorry you went through that and I feel your pain. Some people are not mature enough to see the truth for themselves. If it's meant to be it will be and no one, not even the narc can stand in the way of that. I pray for the best for you 💖
Meredith, im definetly applauding the excellent advice youre giving here, this is a great video and i really hope it helps people break free and find their own power.
I'm experiencing this but with a person who I've only had 1 cup of coffee with, 3 years ago! He turned a town against me. I've found who my friends are now. Nobody. Nobody. Not 1 person has my back. I lost someone I thought was a friend.
Meredith Miller, your insights about narcs are unbelieveable. I appreciate particularly this video as it depicts my work climate. Thanks Universe that somebody is a real expert in rising awarenes about this kind of creatures. I am your big fan! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Same, but it’s a learning experience. I am partly to blame for getting involved with a narcissist. I knew something was off , but I didn’t trust my gut. I believe God was showing me the way, which was to observe and remain silent during the smear campaign. Even though you want to fight back, the absolute best thing to do is go no contact.
This is a gold mine! If only I had your teaching 30 years ago , I would not of gone so impulsively out of my mind.. I was a subject of false abuse and co workers made more lies . I was so confused and so unstable ... The same social gain up happens still different people same crazy stuff ... Gosh u are so spot on !!!!! Your a angel so wise so so very wise . Now it's happening in my neighborhood , I'm always so shocked that the others do no see thru the narcissism Thank you !
6 лет назад
"It can feel like a loss*** one of the best things youve.said Great video. Thanks Meredith
Just what I needed, in the midst of a smear campaign starting from my covert narc boss spreading to my coworkers. I was feeling like I was gonna lose it, thanks for the grounding :)
Especially when my daughter is a narcissist it breaks my heart ❤️ literally she used the grand children as flying monkeys! A test no contact but she keeps trying to get to me through them. If I engage and It’s down the rabbit hole!!! I think I may have to walk away from my grandchildren maybe move away. Please do a chat about narcissist adult children she is 36. Her dad was covert and she is both! I couldn’t understand why everything was so f up all the time! Sickness and negative energy!!! I was so blinded until about 3 years ago my husband died. I was totally unaware. My son helped me by explaining wtf a narcissist was! He told me that I was codependent! I was asleep. I’m on the journey and I’m awakened. No contact for sure! It’s so hard! I love my daughter she’s a my baby! She’s so mean and cruel now that I found out! No empathy. Dark dank energy and I’m not enmeshing ever again! No more narcs!!! Thank you for this you tube video. A good reminder. I’d move to Mexico if I spoke Spanish lol 😝
Wow I absolutely agree about walking away. I worked as a paralegal at a law firm 10 years ago. My first day, I met a secretary who was supposed to help train me on the firm’s software. I smiled at her and she rolled her eyes. She made clear that if I meant to make friends with her, I needed to earn her respect. Now, I was a law school graduate with a new baby at home, probably at least 5 years older than her and there was no way I was going to suck up to her just to gain admission into her little girls’ club. And she certainly had a group of flying monkeys there in the firm who did her bidding. Shockingly, they were all older than her, married with children while she was in her early 20’s, single and without children. Yet these ladies allowed her to lead them by the nose. I refused to participate, ignored them all, and learned to do my job without their help or friendship. I knew they were talking about me behind my back but I refused to be controlled by them. A year later I left for another job and learned that the ringleader had recently complained to her little group about me, saying I was not friendly and did not respond to her efforts to become my friend. That’s when I finally understood. She had to be seen as either the all-powerful leader who granted/withheld permission to join her inner circle, or the victim. My worst crime against her was my indifference to her because it left her impotent in front of everyone. I just didn’t care what she thought and she couldn’t let anyone else see that. Do not play games with these people. They can be tricky to recognize as narcissists at first but once you do, stay as far away from them as possible.
I don't have any friends anymore, it is very hard to cut off everyone. I did it 10 years ago and had just one sister like me and she past away 2 years ago, now I am trying to fine new friends but I do not trust many anymore. it seam I attract always the same crazy people. Or maybe I am really the one insane.
Knowledge is self empowerment. Educate yourself with you. self remember and know and trust who you are. Learn about narcissists techniques - gaslighting, fear campaigns and regain your self esteem. Do not let them break you. Stand strong and start nurturing yourself. Know your blind spots and your weaknesses because they will target them. You need to do this so new ones don't come along. This is happening to many people at the moment, more than you can know. It's very disturbing but you are now in the process of identifying toxic people in your life. Learn about character disturbance. God Bless
You're not insane. I was going through a similar situation, attracting so many of these people. Then I realized I had to heal my deep, old wounds in order to change my reality. I'm still loosing friends, family members, I've been massively attacked, but now I see this like a big, big cleaning in my life. All the best💗
If you don't have anybody to relay on?How to re-born healthy?They know you are the pray...They love to put you down.Is like a sport for them.They don't want to lose you,and that is not from love.
A woman made a smear campaign against me in another state for FIFTEEN YEARS before I found out! But she did end up looking bad. Probably because I was in another state, she self-destructed. My friends that have known me since high school didn't buy it.
This is so eye opening. It will be 20 years this July since I "snapped" and broke contact with my covert narc "wife" and through these videos I'm seeing more clearly how she, they, work. For 13 years I worked in a toxic environment after she was able to infiltrate and recruit an FM there. Hell all day, hell all night. Even used my children as FM's to a significant degree. They are all grown now and though they know nothing of Narc's, they now know me well enough that we are all close. Gossip was her main weapon and being "christian" she used the trick: "I need you to pray about something". Worked every time, even with strangers. I am now forwarding your vids to one of my daughters in the hope that she will be able to identify and avoid these creatures. We speak of these matters but without my pointing directly at her mother. I will NOT stoop to her level but it's critical to me that my daughter is enlightened and empowered to stay safe. Thank you so very much for this education. Stay safe everyone.
Brian Pierce It sounds like you are describing my mother. Please trust me, they need you and they need to hear the truth without anger but with true concern for their well being and love. I wish to God I had listened to my dad when he tried to tell me his suspicions! She was truly psychotic and ruined my life. It's been a very hard few years, starting with my dad passing away shortly after I went no contact with my mother (they were not together anymore). Educate your kids about narcissists and how they work, they all work the same pretty much, just different levels of sick and twisted. My mother was off the charts! Best of luck! Remember, no matter what, kids always need their daddy's no matter how old they are! Those are your babies!!! The worst thing that you can do is back off and allow her to step up and fill the void they are missing from you. Never let it get to that!
You are right on target! This story that someone wrote to you could have been my story. Thanks for the advice. I have spent the last 10 years trying to control the damage only to get hurt even more.
Agree with so much. But victims aren't targeted because of weaknesses in them that they need to 'work on.' It's because they are kind and open. We don't want to change that. Just make aware of dangers, not flaws that make them targets. And getting away seems so easy to some, sometimes people are completely financially trapped. Also, I hate the word codependency. It's a made up word to Condemn a type of relationship that we all can be stronger for. Depending on our partner. If they show up, two are stronger than one. But as soon as the partner drops his or her responsibility in the relationship, the victim is blamed for having depended on him in the first place. Everywhere, the victim is blamed. If you speak of a hurricane Katrina victim, nobody shames them for any part of it nobody shames them for calling themselves a victim. Nobody says well you were targeted because you are defective. Same thing with World Trade victims. Nobody questions who they were before that put them in that situation, nobody questions if they reacted well in the midst of terror, nobody says they should be able to heal on their own. Everybody knows they are innocent and need help. Period.
@Fabled Creature Nice thought but you are wrong. I don't know if you grew up in a Cluster B family or not but that is what this presentation is about. So maybe you only got with Narcissists in adulthood in which case this stuff doesn't apply to you. It totally applies to me. Also, ALL words are "made up" (LOL)- it only matters if they're useful or not. Codependency is a very useful word to describe the lack of separate identity that can occur in a victim of Cluster B upbringing. My sister for example is completely codependent with my mother and cannot find the objectivity necessary to recognize my mother's illness. She over-identifies with my mother and has internalized her negative voice and bullshit about how it's "disloyal" to tell others about my mother's monstrous acts of cruelty. I definitely have a giant target on my back and it is not because I'm kind. It's because I have CPTSD from my Cluster B background, so that I lack healthy boundaries, I was trained to discount my gut feelings, I was trained to doubt myself, I was trained to respond to love-bombing, I was trained to ride on rollercoasters thus I will get on other rollercoaster rides (with other Cluster Bs) because the extreme emotional swings are familiar to me and not as obviously fucked up as they would be to someone not from a Cluster B family. In the past few years I have been realizing how many of the friendships I made in my youth were with toxic Cluster Bs, just like my family. I've been identifying and dumping these people ever since I made this realization, and try to be on the lookout so that I don't get new ones in my life! Your whole post seems really defensive and like you were personally insulted by the information in the video. Well then, you speak for yourself and how this doesn't apply to you, fair play. But you don't get the last word here honey and you don't get to tell others that a particular word has no meaning, and you don't get to say that there's nothing "wrong" with us. Maybe that makes you feel uncomfortable but that's your problem. I have no problem admitting that there is something wrong with me - I mean, how could there not be, being raised around that insanity? The great part is that it's not my fault and I can do something about it. Finally, you are obviously confused about the difference between PTSD and CPTSD if you are comparing abuse victims to survivors of random acts of violent destruction, such as a hurricane, that were not directed at them personally! Seriously! What on earth are you talking about? Of course Hurricane Katrina didn't single out "defective" individuals in order to ruin their lives. It's not a sentient being with emotions or intentions. The 9/11 hijackers are, but again, they had no idea who would die, specifically, when they flew into the WTC. But the Cluster Bs DO target specific individuals. They have something like a sixth sense for spotting the vulnerable (and by the way "defective" is your word, and it never appeared in the video) and the vulnerable are usually people raised in Cluster B families. There is no shaming here about being a victim so again, your comments seem just way off base. Best of luck.
@@dianarosalindland1566 Hay I was told it is my fault for being hit by a hurricane via living in Florida. So I say it is their fault if WHATEVER. Always blame them for any tragedy. No matter what.
I want to thank you for all you do to help people and myself. This video was so helpful to me as I am leaving my job in part due to narcissistic abuse at work. Fortunately I've worked there many years and I am able to retire, and I am still young. I have had sleepless nights wondering whether I should speak to my supervisors and let them know that in part my retirement is due to the narcissist coworker. I wanted to express my feelings to my supervisors, which at one time I had tried to do before and they turned my concerns around on to me which at that point I realized they did not understand. After watching this video I realized that I should not talk to them as that would only make me look bad because the narc is covert and has fully gained their support. I soon will be free and I thank you for your guidance and support through a difficult time. I am a long time subscriber and you videos are life saving to me and many that you reach. You are a beautiful soul. 🌹
Thank you for this video. It is very stressful when you are facing these situations in work place which makes to loose self confidence. To keep going accepting so called defeats as a lesson for your own elevation is the best option ...and never make it a habit of feeling low ...live your own life the way you want to live !
your videos have literally saved my life and motivated me to be the best mom I can possibly be to my 3 year old and 5 year old boys. I honestly dont know where I would be right now if I hadnt started watching your videos. Your videos have been a huge "reality check" for me and have allowed me to come out of a 4 year trance and begin to fight for my life, fight to get my life back and finding myself again. You are an awesome person and always know that you are helping more people than you probably even know about. Dont ever stop making videos!!! bless your kind heart!
I have been going through this smear campagne for years now. I have cut out the toxic people in my life. I even filed restraining order on my sister and cousin. I don't do anything and have isolated myself. I live in a small town and limit contact with even some family members. They get worse everyday and they just will not leave me alone. These people have cost me my marriage and damaged relationship with friends, family, my mental health and they think it is funny. I have no support from anyone and am going crazy.!!!!
Moving is about one of the best things you can do to try and get as much of a new start as possible. Environments can make or break somebody. Some are healthy and some are very toxic. Every set of group dynamics has its own chemistry. It's one thing I like about careers where there is enough demand out there for your skill set to give you more opportunities to find a place where you belong.
People are gonna believe whatever they want. Just keep doing you and don't adjust your behaviour at all. Eventually people will either see the truth or not. Either way it's out of your hands. The right people are going to see you and know you are flawed but you
my sister in law, my husband's brother's wife is a narcissist and the problem is that everyone in his family sides with her because they do not yet know who she really is. I went completely no contact just before Christmas when she left me a threatening voicemail my father in law listened to and dismissed as a "misunderstanding". She has only been married to their son for one year and prior to that they had a 6 month long distance relationship in which they only spent a total of two weeks together before getting married, the reason why she came after me is because I have four children and had no time to become her slave (watch her son, take care of her dog, run errands for her, water her plants, etc) I also am a responsible parent who refuses to get drunk in my house with my children watching me, something she deeply hated about me, so when I refused to compromise her attacks begun, backhanded compliments, little insults here and there, I ignored it all knowing nobody would believe me anyway, so she escalated her behavior, insults, put downs, yelling at me, bullying me on Facebook, smear campaign, i still chose to ignore her so she had no choice but to explode and unleash her true nasty self on me, insulting me and threatening me, the smear campaign continues, and my main issue is my in laws are back for the summer and I'm forced to spending time with this witch from time to time, what advice do you have for me on how to survive this? Her teenage son and husband, who used to be a friend to me, are her flying monkeys.
You have no idea how much you have helped me. I have been flying monkied almost to death, literally. From so many directions it is unimaginable. On a personal level, and mob action. I realize I don't have any true friends who will courageously stick by my side except my higher power. I know if I keep doing my work I will heal, grow, and find true friends that will not mob me or flying monkey me to death.
I can't get rid of that person. I just want out. Good advice you have as always. I hate hiding and faking. I detest it. This isn't my life but it's the life I'm forced to live until an exit opens up.
I don't agree that we have a codependent "target" on our heads, psychically or otherwise. Some people really are just jealous of other people that appear nice and friendly, and they tear them down because that's just how they feel better about themselves. It's natural to want to be friends or open up to others, and some people act nice until they are not. So it's hard to see right away, to no fault of our own. Sadly, most people like to take advantage of others because our society is taught that we need to do this to get ahead or succeed. That's "competition", or "it's just business". The problem is, many people haven't done any work and they want you to be part of their misery. The more work we have done though, is the quicker we will get out of the situation or see signs and create a better situation for ourselves. But we cannot always foresee what is behind every mask right away, especially when so many are stuck in bad cycles. And there's quite a variety of bad cycles out there to make it even harder! It's up to us though to decide what to do about it when we see encounter these situations and learn from them.
Thank you so much for this Video! It is so helpful for me in my situation. I am a full time caretaker of my husband who has dementia and have been for about 5 years. My husband's brother and wife, I have found out the hard way are narcissists and have spread slander about me to my two sons and some other people I know regarding me doing natural medicine with my husband as medications do not help dementia. I worked with a Therapist and set very strong boundaries with the brother and wife and have had no contact with them for three years. Now our sons will not help out with dad's care, are highly critical of all I do for dad. They do no appreciate in any way all the love, work and care I give daily to their father. One son is also bipolar, very angry. As you said so perfectly, you find out who your true friends are when the monkeys are being used against you. I have several very helpful, supportive friends who know the person I am and know that my husband was physically and verbally abusive (bipolar) prior to getting dementia. I love them dearly! I have listened to many of your Videos and some others also and find great comfort in my situation with now no communication with my two sons while I am the Caregiver of their father.
I am so grateful I landed here today. Have a family full of Narcy's..... care giving for my parents ,Yet dealing with siblings/extended family full of Narc's sociopathic....exaggerated egocentric koo koo toxic folk for decades off and on. thank goodness I've lived out of state for most of my adult life. After all these years I've finally been able to make way more sense of these family dynamics. Narcissist's !!! Nailed it. Lemme tell ya Ground rules for Living and Healthy BoundarIe's ,IMPERATIVE!! ON a regular ,too!! Has to be so!! I Leave for good next spring. thank goodness. I Love my parents and I am truly needed,I've chosen this however MY Inner work continues deeply..... thank Goodness for being into the inner world awareness and wholistic healing for 45 yrs plus. Love this channel by the way. really down to earth yet spirit source connected. Go Merrideth !! Wow. Below is a previous post from a few months ago, even still applicable : Wow. I swear I can relate to this..... I Love love bowling and fishing and could give a care if I catch a fish or not,I Just love the whole expereince and thee same goes for bowling, couldnt care less if I won or not....hell its just FUN FUN! Ha. dang I can relate. I Have a family fulla Narcissists and extended family too. God bless'um ,Love'um at a distance, dont have to deal on a regular anymore thank goodness and Light and growth. the further away they are the better I can love them. next year I go cut off/no contact! done done done deal. no more Here are some things that have helped me and many others...Nooo selling ,no bull ,just GAD,paying it forward and sowing good seeds.... I really loved reading your post,it inspired me tonight to keep going but with more vim and vigor!! lighthealing.com Game changers for shure !! Look up "The Personal Rejuvenizer's" IHMO!! www.subliminal-shop.com/categories/free-instant-downloads/ Subliminal Shop | Emotional Healing & Pain Relief Aid 5.0 (5.75.7g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) ( free to vets.police,emt,docs/nurses/fireman,etc) www.subliminal-shop.com/?s=Ultimate+Monetary+Success+V2+&post_type=product subliminal-talk.com/ intrasound.org/products DIVINE intervention in a bottle- au-natural.Bone/Muscle regen'/healing & more. imho. remedies.net/ Essiac Tea supergoodstuff.com (MSM/TGM-emotional balancer/bone/muscle regen/more IMHO! lighthealing.us/Cameron-Steele-CR_728v01.mp3 When the solution is simple, God is answering.” ~ Albert Einstein ~ also therea reall good book calll 'you can heal your life" by Louise L. Hay and if you do key word search its free in PDF format,too. One more Dr.Phyllis's Light's book ' Love now,heres how" a far deeper read than the cover implied,very applicable good stuff. peace and all the best.
i needed to hear this.. i have tried ssooo hard to make my narc husband stop the smear campaines... and i kept fighting back and losing each time.. he looks clean and pristine yet behind closed doors , he is dr. jekyl and Mr. Hyde... he could literally have killed me august 6th 2016... i ended up in the hospital, he actually called the ambulance, i do not know how long i layed there before he did as he had knocked me completely out. he's burned my mail... i have witnesses, thank God ... he said at court it was junk mail... see it is ordered by the state he not have any contact and he had his mail forwarded to his mothers. his own daughter living in a shack at the end of the driveway cursing me, described my mail and my narc admitted to burning it.. but in court he said something completely different... the gas lighting, so many many lies he has told... and they call me crazy. i went above and got a TPO on top of the state ordered no contact. he moved one door down so he can still sneak through the woods.. the judge said 50p yards he has to stay sway... but he sneaks through the woods.. he slipped in court and the judge caught it.. i was thankful and was hard not to cry.. as i was on the stand. i still have more court dates, any help and advice that is helpful for me.. please. .. this has been gut wrenching and hurt to the depths of my heart. in many ways. i want to be free. i married who i grew up with, my parent.... a narc.. i was alwaya ugly and she tried to kill me at 23 years old... i wouldnt know her if i saw her its been so long... i stull love her and i pray for her from afar... help me to not feel rejected and like my life has no meaning whatsoever. .. i have a beautiful daughter i want to teach that this behavior he has and what i was brought up with is so wrong.. i nevwr want my daughter to feel like i have... so i made myself stay away.. but married into it...even at a young age she said how wrong i have been done... made me cry.. out of the moutjs of babes.. now she is 15.. and says momma, he is going to do it again.. so i finally stood up for myself and i am seeking happiness and peace.. i want ao badly.. help me..
Meredith-I can not get enough of your videos. I feel like the information and life experience you are sharing are like water on my parched soul. I have been in an abusive marriage situation which has been gut wrenching. I have 3 children 2 adult and a 17 year old son who has been drawn into the covert abuse my husband has inflicted on my for 35 years. I have finally after all this time gotten my courage to follow through on divorcing him. I have endured abuse by each one of my kids as they had been indoctrinated into the Stockholm syndrome as well. I totally relate to the compassion keeping me immeshed and hoping. I am so grateful to you for your generosity of helping put words to my pain. I have been hospitalized 2 times for suicidal depression and my children did not even come to see me. They have had their consciences killed and we have been robbed of a normal and healthy mother child loving relationship. I also feel so much regret, remorse and shame that I was reacting and defending myself with anger and misdirected rage and neglect as I sunk ever deeper into despair over the generational patterns. Could you please talk about this component of parental alienation and the abusive cycle and chronic grief in being traumatized by your children. The good news is I have over time been gaining my equilibrium by no contact and holding fast to my support system of loving friendships. This is crazy long but my heart can not keep up with all the things going through my mind. Thank you does not seem adequate. Kelley
Thank you so much Meredith your videos are so informative and helpful. Still have some work to do I'm afraid but isolating the problem seems the most diffacult.
Meredith Miller, your advice and well constructed dialogue are better than GOLD. As a subscriber to your channel, the information that you present is a life-line towards the steps necessary for the ultimate protection and healing from narcissistic abuse. Thank you, and Cheers.
11:28 This is paramount advice right here. This information is essential to removing/stripping all and every molecule of power from the narcissist in the most ultimate form. Pure power!
Videos like yours and others on here are what helped me understand all of this and saved my life. The craziness and destruction these narc's cause is like a disease that kills from the inside out. There is no limits to their lies and well planned manipulation. The only way to survive is to step back and let the universe decide your fate as you live in isolation until you heal. I owe all of you well informed and helpful people who saved my life. Thank you Meredith.
Meredith I can say you did this video for me! You talked about having to deal with a narcissist at work, and the only escape seems to be...run as far as you can and as soon as you can. I would have so much to say about how one person destroyed or to say at least, damage the lives of many. I did not know about narcissists or sociopath. It took me a long time to understand that this person, who is in charge of a team, put all of her energy toward destruction. And as you say, she manage to have around her people, followers that seem to be completely brainwashed. Now, I am the last one in the team to face her. And I can tell she is at work. She cut me off from the rest of the team. They are new people and they do not know her. So I am far from home, I have nobody to talk to, I work by myself with no communication whatsoever with the rest of the group. But I am glad at least, I do not play her game. I ignore her, keep the communication at the minimum, all work related. Still, I am angry I was trapped in her manipulation a while ago and ever since she is focused in hurting me. I learned a lot from your videos, I thank you so much! You help me to deal with the waves of emotions which at the time seems to flood me. I can tell you Meredith, for me and for other people who got to know her, she is the worst think ever happened in our lives. God bless you Meredith! Thank you for sharing your own experiences and knowledge with us!
I enjoyed the way we said "Cannibalized on people's souls" as that is very blunt, direct and accurate. Excellent presentation and I appreciate your sharing it.
Looks like 26 NPDs have disliked this video LOL! Keep up the great work dear! I just shared this one for a friend who is being gaslit AND dealing with an NPDs Flying Monkey. I hope it helps her.
You are very sweet! Your warm and kind personality really shines through this compassionate presentation! I needed to watch this because my mother is currently smearing me. Calling people she's never even met to say she's "worried" about me which is, of course, total bullshit but designed to spread rumours of my "instability" (any real aspect of which is due to my fucked up family in the first place!). It is so important, as you say, to resist the urge to do something like make a public FB post warning people to ignore such contact, because sadly, doing that can confirm the impression she's trying to spread around - it looks "crazy" because of course anyone with a normal human, mammal, mother, could not even imagine their mother doing something like this, so it's hard for them to conceive of mothers that genuinely are destructive towards their offspring. So, unless they already know the story of my Cluster B family, my warning could backfire, and they might wonder if there is some merit to my mother's smears. On the other hand, if they do know about my family, then they don't need the warning. Which brings me back to ...doh: I don't need to respond in any way, other than to let the bitch know that I know what she's up to and it aint gonna work. Thanks!!!
Gracias Meredith ! Yo soy mexicana pero vivo en EU . Tus vídeos me han ayudado mucho por qué yo soy un magnet para esos narcisistas y gracias a ti entendí por qué 😘
I'm so glad I found you! There's a narcissist in my work situation. I have to sit in a room with her 8 hours a day. I've stopped talking altogether, but I've sat there and listened to her go on and on about other people and how great they are, I didn't realize that was actually part of the abuse! I keep my headphones on but I think she realizes I can still hear her. She tells new people to be careful what they say because " somebody" spreads rumors And " somebody" cheats other people out of work...shes also jealous because I've gotten a lot faster than her. I've tried talking to my boss, unfortunately he's her grandson. He says she's nuts, but dismisses it all as drama. I think my only option now is to look for another job, which is sad because of it wasn't for her, it would be the perfect job. Thank you so much!!
You are, and have been, such an Angel of comfort through such a storm of healing. Thank you for being just flat out awesome! ( not a luv bomb, a factoid! ) Seriously, the earnest heart of who you are is so present.. Thank you so much!
