This is what I feel right now, give the flying monkeys a mild smile for suffering from the same illusion that you had. That distracs them and they spit their venom at each other.
I noticed some people that play this role are usually full of envy. They have a disguised pleasure when they bring you the smear campaign from the narcissist.
The best way to put them down is to say I really like who I am and I know a lot of other people do too. Hold your head high, do your makeup up and Look good and be content knowing you walk a higher path. And focus on your goals and interests. Leave them behind in the dust. Tell them you're not that interested and you consider that group beneath you mean and a waste of time. Then quickly change the topic ask how they are doing and what their plans are, give them a smile and say you got to run and have a ton to do.talk about the weather. Go grey rock
Plus one. I have seen that scary evil look of pleasure as they're bringing on the smear campaign disguised as one of disgust. This is exactly when I walked away from the older sister of my family
@@anitaroempke7310 Right on, Anita! As a male, I completely agree. Even John Wayne or Bruce Lee, had they been through a nightmare like we did, would have to shrug and admit it IS indeed "EMOTIONAL ABUSE." I'd virtually rather go through the pistol whipping mugging experience I suffered again (that broke a cheek bone, by the way) than that petty based smear campaign nonsense. HOWEVER, there is GOOD NEWS about this pathetic smear campaign/flying monkey orgy that they're an acting upon us against our will: At least they inadvertently expose who our SECRET HATERS were all along. And if they just so happened to influence someone who wasn't one before--that's NO LOSS TO ME neither! If that's ALL it took for someone to turn against you, then you dodged a bullet!
@@johnnieshreve5018 LOTS OF SELF-LOVE JOHNIE........KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND DO NOT LET THE COWARDS BULLIES GANGSTALKERS MOFOS CHANGE WHO YOU ARE........... SELF-LOVE DO THINGS YOU ENJOY BE HAPPY EAT HEALTHY LOVE LIFE IGNORE THE COWARD BULLIES IF IGNORING FAILS THEN EXPOSE THEM /EXPOSE THEM/ EXPOSE THEM THESE HIVE MENTALITY DEMONS COWARDS DO NOT LIKE TO BE EXPOSED.........
Back in the day we used to just call them BULLIES. Thank you for reasserting the truth and following it up with concrete ideas to address these people. Sadly victims seem to have repeating patterns as well. By dealing with our own personal baggage ie. parental narcissists and familial flying monkeys will help us avoid unwittingly walking right back into repeating traumas.
My narcissistic mother didn't like that my dad liked me a lot as a child and that my sisters really liked me too. She destroyed those relationships and she forced me into a mental hospital later in life and convinced them all I was schizophrenic. But I am the one with the counseling degree and am the only one who knows what that term means. Yet the rest of them still believe it. I am livid. I will never go back and be with them, even though my narc mother died of pancreatic cancer. They all still love her and practice her legacy of abuse. I am so glad you talked about suicide. I considered suicide, but then I learned about no-contact and that gave me the idea that I could start a new life without taking that drastic step.
Oh boy ... your mother sounds like my mother and sister. My mother died but her "legacy" continues. It is heinous what narc parents do to us. I wish you continued health and happiness :)
So I’m a victim of a narcissistic mother. When I decided to go no contact with her, she used my brothers and sister, aunts, uncles and cousins as flying monkeys. 1st she told my brothers and sister that I don’t talk to her anymore because I hate my job. At that time I got a new job and it was the job of my dreams and my mom was jealous. Then when I reached out to Aunts and cousins, they either smiled in my face and told me that it will get better or they defended my mom. They have no clue what’s happening or they are getting a benefit from my mom which is why they don’t want anything to do with me. So I unfriended everyone from my social media accounts, blocked everyone’s number and went no contact with all the flying monkeys. My life is so much better. This video gave me a bigger picture of flying monkeys and what they do. Thanks for the great info!
I am in similar situation. Went to minimum contact with my narcissistic mother. Severely abusive physically , emotionally, verbally, spiritually. So my grandmother is now guilt tripping me. I am the only child so it is my responsibility to take care of my 60 year old divorced mother, just because she is my mother I should tolerate " bad behavior" according to my grandmother. That is complete nonsense. Relatives become flying monkeys. So you lose not only the narcissist by mostly the entire family. Very sad.
I've been listening to you for awhile but today I finally heard you: "stay in integrity, respond don't react" is my new mantra! Thank you for this insight.
I'm amazed at how not sharing personal info is treated like an affront. How that's treated as abnormal. I don't do facebook or anything, for 3 years now.
@@Elizabeth-yg2mg I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this mindset! "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."--Jiddu Krishnamurti
I understand that people's perceptions are their own and not something I can control - but I can control who I choose to maintain a relationship with in my life, and I can control the level of intimacy I choose to allow.
This happened to me. I went on antidepressants for the first time in my life, the narc found out and told everyone I was suicidal, had my father worried. Then he said he was going to take the kids away because I’m unstable, asking for full custody. He can try all he wants but I know it’s not the reality. And I’m so grateful I came across your videos that help me understand. Being educated is powerful.
TheEarthycrunchy that is true. Thank you. I love that there’s a national awareness day coming up. To stop abuse is to stop pain. And people like Meredith, Ross Rosenberg, and so many others are just amazing.
I learned long ago to pay cash for therapy and drugs needed to cope. Every narcissist will use this against us as proof we're the crazy ones. Parent, ex husband, his family, grown kids all act this way. One big flying monkey zoo I lived in for years. Just about killed me since of course I unfortunately was the codependent, overly helpful one. Not around any of them now. Holidays are tough.
And one clue to “normal” people in your office and community is that even years later, the narcissist won’t shut up talking bad about you. And people get tired of hearing it. So they start to recognize who has the real problem.
I was listening thinking none of the flying monkey tactics applied to my situation and then you said the thing about them being ‘concerned’. You hit the nail on the head w calling me a drunk, talking about past antidepressants etc... in the context of ‘wondering whether it’s safe for me to have the kids’. No contact and living in integrity is exactly right. People know the truth in the end.
Oh man! I am sorry and I understand. In my case, i definitely felt pushed to a lot of stress related health problems. :( Please take good care and move away from them.
You are right the narc I knew actually drove a psychiatrist that was his patient - she killed herself - he tried to push me to it but I’m too stubborn and don’t care about friends - they do try to recruit the family
My twin sister did this when I called her out and cut her off. She went around telling people (like our brother, for example) that she was "concerned" about me because I'm "cray cray/mentally unstable "... thank you for your videos. They really do help.
Yes, abusers will call you crazy to discredit you and conceal the truth about themselves. And even if you do you behave crazy it’s because they triggered it and provoked you over and over again. My ex-boyfriend Dan swore to me that his ex Barbara was crazy. Now that we are broken up, he tells others I am crazy to make himself look good. I am much more stable than he is and so is Barbara. He turned on me and texting his friends in Connecticut lies about me. Told Sylvia a lady we pet sat for lies about me. Told Kevin CubeSmart self storage manager lies about me. He charmed all of of them , just as he did me, but they have no clue his true character because they only know him superficially and oh how he puts on a show! He gives compliments, is super helpful and friendly with others and pretends to be religious too. If you don’t know what’s going on, you would think he such a great guy. Once you do know it’s going on you are totally disgusted by this false reality. I see myself in each of these people he’s conning and I get so upset because i believed his lies early on too. It’s a cycle and behavioral pattern that predictably repeats . Dan is the common denominator. I’ve never known anyone more destructive, covert and cruel. Totally indifferent. No guilt. Life is a mess, he takes from everyone. Con artists out here and mentally ill people. Be aware and beware. I was naive until this 3 year nightmare. They try to get everyone against you.
Yeah. They try to get everyone against you and at the same time tell you that they love you so that you have nowhere to go but to them. Then you feel like everyone is against you and you dont feel free even when you walk around by yourself. Yeah i was in this kind of a relatoinship and it was really really horrible. Luckily the guy I was dating lived in a town far away from mine so my and his friends did not know eachother. It was easier to just go away from everything. But yeah it was horrible
Yep... As sad as their behavior is and as hurtful as it is... You need to just forget it and walk away... Forget it forget it forget it!... Have a happy life and Thrive... It is the best revenge, but if you hang on to their garbage and keep thinking about it and perseverating over it... You stay stuck in their garbage... Believe me I know!
Gosh I'm so sorry about everything you've been through I can totally relate. you feel like you're not going to make it I thank God for videos like this and other people that are going through it I'm not happy there going through it but it helps me know we are not alone I truly believe the big picture it's a battle between good and evil. God bless you
I went through this. I thought it was called Gangstalking. I think people get it confused. The sad part is the people you thought were your friends can't even be honest with you and tell you what's happening. It seemed like everyone was against me at the time. It definitely made me a stronger person once I learned how to ignore it and be the best person I could be.
I like being alone . I finally learned that making friends is not good for me. I seem to attract narcs who want to get to know me, then turn around and beat me down. They are everywhere.
My NM has been talking about me and making me look bad all of my life. She has turned my siblings against me. I used to be naive to her abuse but always knew something wasnt right with her. Research and watching videos has taught me so much about narcissist evil behavior and I realize it's not my fault even tho I feel bad that my siblings have abandoned me because of NM lies and gossip. She got worse with age and I just had to go no contact. Your videos fits the narc to a T. Thank you. Very supportive
My MOTHER to a "T" how sad for her that I've grown & moved forward in the most positive beautiful way possible. I look at where I come from & where I am today & THANK GOD I left them all. Wicked is just wicked & I for one do not want NOTHING to do with any of them. I've heard it ALL in this video.. My entire family blames me but I say you blame who? Cause if you TRULY knew who I am or took the time to know me as a human being then your blaming someone you NEVER EVEN GOT TO KNOW. I won't question anything or anyone it's a waste of my time & energy.. I've deleted & blocked EVERYONE & I've not been on Facebook for 5mo I'm in MY HEALING MODE.. I also moved 3,000 miles away changed my # I do not speak to nobody & I'm the happiest I've ever been. I do struggle at times but I TRY to stay in the moment not ALLOWING what's happened to define or break me.. :) Thank you Meridith
Hi! I want to be where you are. I moved from the 6 months ago. They only call when it concerns money. Each time I speak with them I end up miserable. They don't even care enough to ask me how I am doing. What is your step by step process for healing? I'm thinking of changing my number, but I have a lot of business doing and it'll be challenging.
It's the first time I've heard this term, "flying monkeys" and it's perfect! I encourage anyone going through this right now to stay strong. I still have PTSD from my experience with a narcissist and his flying monkeys nearly 20 years ago. I was busy planning a wedding with this man, without a clue that he was creating these until he started trying to convert my therapist and bosses at work. When the lies got back to me, I confronted him and it was then that the shit really hit the fan. Flying monkeys everywhere! A few actually called me to verify what they'd heard. He gave all my clothes to a mutual "friend" who owned a used clothing store. And here I had believed he was my best friend in the world. As a consequence, I physically collapsed every time anything reminded me of him or things I thought we enjoyed together. I went from being an easygoing social person to a nervous introvert. He was a musician so one of my triggers was hearing piano music anywhere. My knees would give out and I'd fall on the ground. I could no longer work. I think he did it because he was planning to get back together with his ex-wife, but he could have done this without humiliating me. So I considered him to just be pure evil. I got through it with a LOT of prayer, although it caused me huge material losses as well. I had never been so horrifically betrayed, and it stole so much of my trust in others for a long time. The flying monkeys dropped like flies, and when he died about 10 years later, my son said, "There IS a God!" and immediately went out to celebrate. THAT's how awful it was.
Yes, this happened to me. The hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life! The narc is now my ex. (Step-dad to my 3 sons) The flying monkeys were my 3 sons and my only sister, (was my best friend in life). The 4 most important people in my life became like vultures picking at my bones! I will tell you from experience that the narc will target those closest to your heart to hurt you to the core. Sound familiar? Satan is like such as this. In my case, he was playing the victim. Told these people closest to me untruths, and that I was acting crazy and unstable. What hurt soooo bad was that his stories were believed without giving me any chance to defend myself. I was caught so off balance, that any initial attempt at trying to explain was met with rebuke and deaf ears. My heart was broken a thousand times! But, thankfully, I am a strong person with a strong faith. Over time and lots of prayers, I overcame. Never have I been able to approach my loved ones with a defense. I learned that I had to move on. That only time would reveal truth. Little by little, with tremendous restraint and patience, thus truth is happening. During this entire ordeal, other truths were revealed to me. Which explained my ex’s behavior. That’s all I’m going to say about that. Be smarter than the narc. How? Be quiet, be patient, because it very true that good things come to those who wait on the Lord. 👍🏼😉❤️
Just about 2 weeks into waking up myself. It's reassuring to know that there's people that understand. Knowing that this is actually a thing and educating myself on it is helping so much. I hope this comment finds you out of the narcissists crosshairs. Stay strong you're not alone.
Wow what a powerful and so true video. Thank you!! My wife and I along with our kids are dealing with these things because we decided to leave a church we had been part of for years. Thank you for the encouraging words. God bless you!
I love your videos because they’re precise and organized. All this advise is so helpful. Thank you!!!! My sister is a flying monkey and so are a few of my family on my mother’s side. It took me a while to figure out that I couldn’t trust them either! It’s very isolating, but I’m the type of person to call people out, especially my narc mother. That’s why I’m a perfect target! No family wants to be called out on their dysfunction. I was a part of it for many years. No more though! ❤️
Dozza Wow, I thought only I had the misfortune of going through this. Just like you I'm way across the country and was always a black sheep in on the outside but had no bitterness. But they just have to come for me in my early forties. My sister decide to do a smear campaign and then got divorced! I guess she want to cover up her own problem and be The Golden Child still so, whatever! My sister went to war with me and I had to take my SSI income out of my parents hands and getting independent payee that I pay 25% of my income to. But thank God because my sister was in lying and saying how she was going to be running my money. Here I am a 44 year-old man at that time haven't heard Tommy what I'm supposed to do and how I need to go get locked up and all that other crap. But what I did was I got my own SSI payee and it was a big move for me. If you look down on me for being on that income, ain't my problem. I've watched about 10 or so videos on this topic but this one is the bomb! I found myself pause in it and emailing notes about how I related to specific moments of my life and this woman is smarter than me on this one. I've come to have a few things to people smarter than me on the internet going back a decade in the serve this and all that stuff. When I say no I feel guilty is not a bad book about that sort of thing by the way! Anyway, thank you for sharing all your stories about what you've been through too because the I don't feel alone. so I'm not going to be set up to the point (as before, as she brilliantly points out at the 12min mark) where I'm overreacting instead of just responding, to paraphrase. This video is gold! It's now in my internet files via email for life. Thank you video creator! You're given a lot of solutions to certain sub points of it all that I've had to deal with. I just have to let go of a best friend he showed to me who showed too many signs of being a flying monkey. That's not exactly what the friendship ended over. But I ended up in this video because of that and it's hard to tell how much of its am and how much it's my sister but there's quite a few signs that they've been in contact here in there. Long story. But that friendships over and the clouds are clearing and I'm seeing the sun again because of what this crap but clouds are my life too much here in their last two years. This video gives me some very good points and how to fight back against these people. I'm the only good that sort of thing but now with these narcissists. I was out of my depth. This video gives me something to fight back and the do so with dignity and that's all I could ever ask for. I'm used to giving the sort of advice, not taking it. It's about time!
Most whistle-blowers, those who speak out against an injustice or something that needs correction, such as yourself, usually end up becoming targets of vicious abuse and smear campaigns until the truth eventually comes out. Then they are heroes. Hopefully that day will come for you, soon. Read Psalms 34, esp. verse 18. I found it very comforting, along with pouring my heart out in prayer during those long, sleepless nights. Many of us are cheering you on!
How can you describe so clearly what happened to me? Wow, it was a nightmare.This gave me chills how accurate it was with my situation. I dumped him before he discarded me, and I’m still in shock to have discovered who he is.
This really helped me confirm what I already know in my heart but no one is out there for me in my work situation except for a very few hearts of gold. And that the narcissist needs there freaking Entourage. The narcissist I'm dealing with goes after intelligent sweet talented people who she thinks won't fight back. It's a very sad statement about her as a person.
Thank you so much for this video. I grew up beside a narc mum. Non contact for almost 4 years now and it feels like I just started opening up to the world around me. Now I understand why my father never stood up for me and how I became the black sheep. I recognise now ex colleagues behaviour as well... It feels like I'm attracting these kind of people. Well, no more. Please keep up the videos it's so helpful!
Thank you, Meredith!!!! Your work is so important to all of us, victims of narcissists!!! "Don't try to convince them of the truth!""" This sentence is key to me!!! It is hugely significant!!!! Thank you !!!
I'm positive this is what I am going through. The allegation nearly got me killed. I made a mistake by fighting back. I am slowly learning not too, as it's always twisted around to make me look bad and crazy. These people use my mental heath as the reason why I'm feeling the way I do. Apparently I'm the reason for my job, even though I did nothing wrong . I don't know any person who would ruin there own careers. You right about the suicide part. Do these type of people get aggressive when you find out what has been done?
I couldn’t believe how many of my friends of mine my ex narc managed to manipulate into hating me. They all felt sorry for him and saw me as the bad one when all I did was escape an abusive relationship! I actually did nothing wrong and this whole drama made me feel even worse about myself. Now I am awake and just cut all these people out of my life.
Thank you, Meredith! After watching your video, I realized there are so many flying monkeys out there. I began to understand their intended behavior and how naive I was to be used by narcissists to their benefit. Before I was confused and don't know how to handle them, now I can just let go and be not affected by what they say to me and about me. The clarity also helped me detach from them without feeling guilty.
Your explanations are so thorough. My children and I have lost a whole chunk of extended family who are the flying monkeys of my ex. Too hurtful to be around, make assumptions without asking, and just lap up all the lies, deceit and toxicity. Thank you for helping in my healing. Hugs :)
Your reference to suicide is the SOLE REASON I am hanging on.... I have said this after dealing with the exact situation.... In some ways the MONKEYS are so much worse! EVERYTHING about this video is SPOT ON!!
I asked my counselor once, how do you describe a.person who wants to be 'the hero of the family' a person who is always seemingly doing things for their own glory....the counselor said..."its called Narcissism. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT!!
I feel very validated by this video, Meredith. I have cut off all contact but getting out of the gaslit reality is the hardest thing. I am still worried that people that I meet will still think I am crazy. I am afraid no one will believe me. I guess I need to realize how traumatized I have been and how much I have questioned my own reality. I have a good counselor but she is among the naive and I have to work a little each time to bring her to my side. She believes the world is a good place and people just need to understand and get along. I know I will make it to the other side and out of the "crazy" turned against me reality. I use your book, "The Journey", as like a bible that I refer to often to help me get back my orientation and sense of what is real and true and worth believing in. As far as people, I need to just keep people-hopping until I find the one's that listen to reason and believe me, those who can observe and trust that I am a solid person and that I am not crazy.
My therapists was the same way. When I was going through the "no contact" yet secretly stalking stage (as self abuse) she (therapist) thought it was comical and asked why I didn't just express my needs to them. As anyone knows, expressing your needs to a narc is giving them the very tools they need to hurt you. I think what you (and I) are going through is very similar to PTSD. Working on boundaries and self health is goal #1. I wish you success :)
We all are not crazy .... HEAD UP HIGH and OUT OF IT❣️ (no contact with my father, mother, sister, ex-husband, ex-best-friend who is the president of the flying monkeys .... Today, I have WONDERFUL FRIENDS - that is my true family ❤️ LOVE TO YOU ALL❤️ DANKE Meredith❣️ Wonderful you are 🌷
I had a counselor for eight years kept thinking she would catch on and help me and she never did she became a gaslight just another stab in the back for me.
CynthiaSchoenbauer, sounds to me like you might want to get another counselor, one who is more knowledgeable and mature. You shouldn’t have to be leading them; if you know more than them, what good is that?
I am in this situation - my immediate family who I am dicarding - what a toxic mess. It is very reassuring to listen to your talks as it helps to reinforce my understanding and to stand true. Thank you!
I had no idea there were actual terms used to describe the experiences I went through with my ex. Thank you so much for the validation. If it wasn't for a few close friends, I don't think I would have survived that experience.
A narcissistic superior in a religious community did exactly this to me through the other members of the community recently. My sin was that I pushed back against boundary violations. Wow, thanks for giving a voice to this. I'm good after walking away.
I cant go total no contact but this video helped a lot. Last night, AGAIN, the narc has decided to use the Flying Monkeys, to total destroy my character. I started to send them a long text (knowing I know better because it's just feeding into their game) but I erased it instead. However, I still felt alone and wanted to cry. Then up pops your video on my newfeed. Thank You so Much. My strength feels renewed!❤
Sonja Teal I so relate to the long text bit. Unfortunately I did that recently but failed to delete it (sending it and now suffering the consequences of course) 😖
Pepps33 I just sent a few of these myself. I feel somewhat better bc my story was read. The FM’s in my situation are kind people who have know my husband for years longer than I have. My behavior in front of them was reactive bc I was shocked that my husband was lying so insidiously in front of them. I did send a well composed and respectful text to the FM later. I don’t have any idea how it landed or whether it actually made things worse for me, but I have drop it now bc I did my best.
Yes it's similar to what i've been going through its soo horrible and disappointing ...nobodies perfect and we dont expect them to be but there is a thin line between misunderstanding and being different and just wanting to crush and "finish" someone
first of all I love the ending where you send everyone a hug! This rings try with me about flying monkeys. My best friends mom turned the family against me. I didn't see all of this narcissism until 4 months ago. channels like this one are a god sent. Everything you say is on point and helps to sooth the soul.. : ) THANK YOU.
When I was getting a divorce last year, my overt narcissistic sister was pissed because I moved out of state, so she smeared me to the entire family and got my flying monkey brother, to univite me to my own Fathers funeral. It was unreal, but I knew she was the one who set him up to do her bidding and step back like she was so totally innocent. You can't make this shit up!
In the work setting, narcissists with authoritative power will reward allies/flying monkey's. Mobbing usually involves upper management. Whistleblowers or harassed individuals are susceptible to this abuse. There usually is an uneven power in such abusive situations.
I was trying to convince a flying monkey and yes I got derailed for days after that conversation. NO more. It feels awful. The entire family excuses my narcissistic mother's abusive behavior because she has a tough life ( divorced 3 times ) . And since I'm the only child they are convinced that this is my responsibility to take care of my mother and tolerate her extremely abusive, manipulative behavior.
Thank you... Your love for your purpose has helped and continues to keep us fortified in our healing and living a loving life 💜 I have a narcissist mother and she comes from that type of family filled with flying monkeys... Your channel is a huge help to remain free from their abuse 🙏🏽
Thank you for this video. It helped me to name the things, the people and their actions. It helped me to understand what's going on. Thank you so much!
hey Meridith....its funny how before i was educated on these subjects i did exactly what every expert said to do ...grey rock no contact ...full integrity...no reactions......the isolation was hard...and soon i will sell my property and move away ....i found richard Grannons "radical acceptance" theory is helpful....you cant fix stupid or blindness.....take care of yourself dear ...thanx 4 the good advice and the validation
That's awesome you knew before you knew about all of this. Several of my clients have told me that their kids have a similar inner knowing how to deal with it. Keep trusting your intuition!
Thank you so much for this video. I am dealing with all of what you described in this video. I am grateful for listening to it although it was posted 5years ago, It has helped me now August 2023.
Your videos bring so much clarity and its also refreshing to see you, who has been through all this and, instead of becoming a perpetrator, chose to help people free themselves. Thank you.
Still going through this after a year. I actually did commit suicide and was brought back and then was in a coma for three days, I never thought I'd get through it but I have! My life is substantially better I am so grateful I survived I am so blessed
No. He means committ. I was brought back, when they shut me down to take all the damaged ribs and parts out from the 30 cal. bullet hole in my chest I was looking down at me and saw them doing it. When I woke up I was laying on my back looking up at the ceiling. Modern medicine BROUGHT me back against my will. That was 50 years ago, and last year I exposed him for psychologically abusing my great nephews to THIER parents. So many times in my life I've thought too bad they brought me back. But as of last year I've decided the battle was worth it. To be here and expose the evil this man has been doing to the children of our family. The word is out now and even my mother's SISTERS children are aware of what he's done. It felt so good to hear from them, that they knew of the perversions he committed against mom and us kids.
Toxic Free hi val i had to shutdown my facebook .im doing great .feeling so good .i had flying monkeys and my ex guy friend is friends with my ex and another ex friend who turned into flying monkey
Thank you. This is amazing...for so long I have been in the dark...my perspectives and realities constantly invalidated...and brainwashing and having you second guess your intuition...
I am faced w a narc mother who has lied, humiliated me within my circle of friends and boy! Are you right when you say you know who will remain loyal and trustworthy but I guess who can beat a narc at their game they're too good at playing it and friends naive. Once upon a time that was me (naive) so I keep my distance n keep in touch only occasionally...yr videos are spot on...thank you!
I have an in-law that has had a smear campaign going for me since I married his brother more than a decade ago. It has been devastating. My thoughts and prayers are with those of you that are experiencing this for the first time and maybe ongoing like me.
The flying monkeys would also tell me I was never good enough for anyone . It's really pathetic how they treat people no respect or empathy from these type of people . I feel like they're super jealous or envious of people and they seem to have a sense of entitlement .
Meredith, I hope you know how helpful you are to folks like me. I am very sorry that you went through trauma but you have definitely turned it around into something positive. I am grateful. The things you said that helped me are: stay in integrity (at the end of the day that is ALL that matters to maintain our health and energy) and don't try to convince flying monkeys otherwise. I would like to hear more -- as a reminder -- that not everyone is deserving of our truth. Our lives matter. Our story matters. Share it with people who our worthy of our time and energy (love). Where your mind goes, energy flows. Let's all stop wasting our energy on undeserving people :) I am NOT crazy and I am deserving of love. Peace
My narcissist is my mother and when I was a child, she was very abusive to me and kept me isolated from cousins and other relatives who were around my age. When I became a young adult and asked for the phone numbers of some of these relatives, my mother told me I could only have their phone numbers if I told her what I wanted to talk to them about. It was at that point, I abandoned the desire to have any relationship with those relatives. When I finally ceased all contact with my mother a couple of years ago, she actually had all those relatives contact me to tell me what a horrible person I was to abandon my mother. I wouldn't know any of these people if I saw them on the street and yet my mother thought I would give credence to anything they had to say about me. I blocked phone numbers, shredded letters and cut off all contact with family and anyone who was acquainted with my mother. That's when my mother started giving my phone number to strangers and asking them to harrass me, guilt me or shame me into having a relationship with her. I changed my phone number and even withdrew from a class in which I had enrolled because coincidentally one of the strangers my mother used as a flying monkey was also in that class and was badmouthing me to classmates.
Wow that's actually what I'm going through at work. I didn't even know it was a known thing. Been living thru hell with this person. But not anymore, through videos like this and having to learn the hardway I finally found the answers I needed.
You just helped me realize that I've been the victim of a smear campaign. My soon to be ex wife continues to show me who she is and the more videos I watch of yours, ultimately the more empowered I become. Thank you Meredith! 🤗
Oh yes, the "concern"......ick....yup, I've deflected many a flying monkey (most who I think were naive, or needing to feel important themselves, rather than toxic) over that one. The need to go No Contact, or keeping things very superficial not just with the narcissist but their flying monkeys too, very important and unfortunate---I've lost a lot of extended family due to this and that hurts but being spied on etc. hurts more. Staying in my integrity and, even more, not attempting to explain or defend myself...so hard to let it go, but what is the point. A difficult thing to accept: letting it go, that they won't understand; but it makes sense, that is the way it is.Thank you, as always, for another clear, intelligent and empowering video.
So agree with what you have said there. Im not going to waste my time on the narcissist and their minions anymore. I've found letting go very very hard but time and perspective and Meredith's videos really hit home. Self integrity self respect and dignity are things I've worked hard to reclaim my life I'm just coming round after a year!! I'm leaving all the toxic people to infect themselves! Let all survivors thrive in the light together!! Good luck to all
Thank you so much for this. I've only got 2 siblings, my sister is a psychopathic narccisist and my brother is the best flying monkey she could ever wish for . I'm the scapegoat child and my life is hell at the moment.
Thank you!! I've had many troublesome relationships in the past with family,friends and co-workers. Being able to see flying monkeys and the Narcissus helps me to understand past scenarios. And I hope future ones. I'm not praying for that kind of interaction of course. Again Thank You!!
You are great. I figured all of this out the hard way! Wish i had youtube 35 years ago. I am so happy you do this for the many people dealing with narcissist parents and flying monkeys. Listening to you is validating. Thankyou.
My narcissist is a family member and this has been going on for decades -60 years off and on. This last time was the proverbial straw. They're all (my sister the narc, and 4 of my 6 brothers and sisters - her flying monkeys) blocked on social media and personal contact. Luckily, only one of them is local. I initially went no contact with the narc until she brought in her flying monkeys, and I tried to fight back. Big mistake. I am totally no contact from now on. Thank you for your video. Wish there was more information on the narc and flying monkeys when they're family. Thoughts?
No contact is your only way. I too have a sister that has literally destroyed our family. It has gone on for decades and I finally walked away 1.5 years ago. If family members are abusive by proxy (flying monkeys) or useful idiots, you need to cut them out too. If you don't, then you are not in a true no contact life style.
It's not easy to go no contact a lot of the time, but it's especially rough when financially, you need help from this person who "has all the money." My dad is a total narcissist and he targets me because I'm the only one in my family brave enough to call him out on his nasty attitude, everyone else is too afraid to go against Dad.
Yep going through the smear campaign with a narcissist now with flying monkeys but you soon find out who’s who out of friends,thanks for your help in all the video ,saves me the hard work on who you can trust now they have been exposed x
I went through that where I felt like I was always in the way. Ever since I put Mindfulness to practical application, and i am journaling which cleanses within. Bob
Oh. my. goodness! It will probably never cease to amaze me when I watch videos like this. My narc MIL does the "concern" thing. The worst was shortly after my younger son died and she'd badgered me, guilting me into letting my girls stay with her overnight by telling me she was *so lonely* when my husband and FIL had traveled out of town together. A week or two later, she called my husband up to tell him she was *so concerned* about me because my girls had told her that I'd scream and cry and lock myself in my room every day while he was at work. She *actually* had him convinced that it was true. I had put up with her crazy for so many years and I'd listened to my Lost Child husband who told me to just let it go again and again when she did this senseless crazy stuff, but that was the turning point. She was *not* going to use the death of my son to bring attention to herself. She'd already tried it the first time I miscarried so I stopped telling her when I'd lose babies early. To top it all off, she'd called my husband, plastered, when she convinced him that her nuts story was true and when I asked my oldest daughter about if it could possibly be true that my girls had said this to her, (sometimes kids spin crazy tales), my oldest daughter told me that her grandmother had gotten drunk the night they had stayed with her. She got drunk! While she was supposed to be watching my kids!! So yes, NMIL has turned my husband into a flying monkey here and there, thankfully, it doesn't usually last for long but the only way to get him to talk about it usually means a fight because he doesn't want to talk about her and her crazy behavior at all. Then there's my poor sweet FIL who used to stand up to her from time to time. He's now elderly and not well and his courage is gone. NMIL has been using him to cast doubt, forward jabs, etc. and that really hurts because I used to feel I could trust him and I just don't anymore. It hurts my heart that we have to go minimal contact and my younger children won't get to be around him. Thank you for this channel. Exposing narcs and in the case of my MIL, covert narcs, helps so many people. I went nearly 30 years dealing with her and just figured it out last year because someone online insisted I look into narc mothers. Thank you.
It took me 20 years to finally take all these steps. Long road with a better ending than beginning. The hardest part is accepting that there will never be a return to normalcy or even a truce with the narcicist. That is even more true with family members.
Yes I had to learn to reject invitations from flying monkeys! What a difference in my life! (Thought I was obliged to accept their invites but now I know better! :-D )
Thank YOU! For explaining this. I am just at my wits end, trying to cope with everything you just explained in your video on flying monkeys. I have been praying and looking for someone to explain to me what is happening to me and all my family and personal relationships. Family members and some friends provoke me when they call me crazy. I know I should not react, but it makes me so angry and I try to defend myself. I know I am not crazy, by a long shot, but what I am is an HSP/Empath personality type (all my life), and a trap for Narcissists, In my family, and personal relationships. I had started to question myself, until I listened and watched your Video. It has helped. Thank You!
Perhaps this is one of the reasons they will not be Facebook friends. They know they are a piece of shit and once your wise, don't want you to verify this to their secret world and smear campaign. Awesome teaching, Meredith.
All of the video helped me. After a year of no contact my narcissist suddenly reappeared in a social group and reactivated a common acquaintance. This person in turn took to recruiting people we have in common to go with her to a social activity. My good friend almost fell for it and asked me would I go if the narcissist was there. I said to her no not after the way she treated me there would be no joy in the activity and seeing her worming her way back into my life and those around me would not be something I would ever do. The flying monkey is toxic thanks for pointing out that. In a previous social environment my narcissist let this person control bully and take over in the group. I pointed this out to the narcissist at the time and she deflected it back on me and told me it was all my problem!!!! Ironically the choice of flying monkey here is interesting. The narcissist is in awe of this person! Both love to hear themselves talk and seldom listen. The reason this person was chosen was that the narcissist would think that this person could recruit people away from a shared activity and thereby get at me and my friends who have continued on without the narcissist and very successfully.!The narcissist gave up on me and my social circle and treated people very erratically dropping out from all interaction etc. Now she's making her comeback with a view to damaging my immediate circle and activity. That's the only explanation I can come to and after a year of no contact I ain't running back to that!! The flying monkey is both toxic and naive as she doesn't see anything bad in the narcissist but I won't be sharing anything with her. She generally rubs people the wrong way and her lack of filter leads to her upsetting people all on her own. Should be fun hearing what happens in the future with the toxic duo!!! Also in our social group are two or three others that are I think have maintained narcissist contact. I spotted this early on and ignored it and they got no reaction from me. Within our activity I have shone improved excelled and been very popular in new settings post narcissist. I'm aware that jealousy is key here and also the narcissist gave up on this activity but myself and genuine friends continued away without her and did so well. This has not gone down well. I think my narcissist expected me and my pals to stay home waiting until they decided to resume. I didn't and led all the narcissists old gang into a new chapter!!!!the narcissist saw me continuing and on public occasions blanked me. This made no contact easier. So she's crawling back but now I know what I'm dealing with and now im forearm Ed and warned. She can recruit the whole county I do know now who my real friends are. The narcissist didn't get to use me for her own gain that I can see now was the plan. Saying no getting away has been a huge learning curve and still is challenging. However I'm so glad I saw the truth and will not go back there. The narcissist is so welcome to the flying monkeys they deserve each other toxic jealous empty they can rattle away together!! Sooner or later they will turn on each other. I won't have anything to do with any of them and I'm relieved I can stand back and see that now
Thank you a lot! Your videos are gold! I am doing a course at Red Cross to become a rescuer, but in that course there is this a student that is a narcissist, she make a whatsapp group where there are all the other student except me (she make sure that I know that by talking “casually” to another girl, she was looking for a reaction in me that I didn’t do because I knew that she was trying to gaslight me), I know that they talk shit behind my back on that group. At the beginning I tried to change their mind, but then I realised that anything that I do is not good for them, they always find inexistent flaws... I guess that the other students are “flying monkeys”... But I have to say that I have always been someone who struggles on social interaction and relationships, but now I am trying to make friends with the “elder ones” who are not in that group, they are not students so I don’t see them as much as the other ones, but at least I don’t feel alone..
last words are the key about all this: "life has its own ways to reveal how people is". I can assure all this is being really painful to me, learning about narcissistic abuse is like trying to be centered on good information, so thanks a lot. If I try to get info from my family, it's impossible, the gas lighting is SO strong...
Thank you for your video. All I have had in my life are abusive people starting with my biological family, so called friends, all through my childhood and school years and college, every job I have been on, every guy I dated and a horrible marriage to a sociopath man that lied and cheated on me. I am so heartbroken. I have no friends in the entire world. I have no support at all. I am surrounded by abusive people, nosy people, flying monkeys and insensitive so called friends and coworkers. I have some friends who blow me off. I don't know what to do. I was in counseling , but cannot afford to keep going. I am thankful for your video. I am stuck at a job with all this abuse and I cannot leave and I have lost all sanity. Thank you for your support to people like me. Its so hard and no one understands. I have given up. I get gaslighted everyday all my life. I just want to not exist. I can't tell anyone how miserable I am. No one cares about me at all.
