Emerson comes to mind: “My life is not an apology, but a life. It is for itself and not for a spectacle. I much prefer that it should be of a lower strain, so it be genuine and equal, than that it should be glittering and unsteady.” ― Self Reliance
Or Prince All that glitters, ain't Gold, what's the point of being young if you aren't gonna get old...he's underrated & saying the same thing in Gold.
Rich this was epic !! We live in a world that capitalises on our desire, steals our fiery fuel and sells us a vision of false love that falls short of divinity. Take the burning love and channel it into creativity in all its forms and feel a deeper connection to the one and not the Disney version of the one.
I don’t think love is the problem. I think we confuse infatuation with love, and that’s where the problems lie. The 3 people I’ve spent a number of years with and ‘loved’ I still have love for. The romantic, turbulent, drug style superficial stuff faded, but the genuine feeling and shared experience hasn’t left me. I know the difference between the two, and can see the part I played in the negative situations.
Love is never the problem...Grannon is expanding on the downside of pathological carnal craving, its clinging worldly fire, and nexus within a diversity of philosophies...
Oh good lord! I see so many men aged 50+ jump through emigration hoops in order to get their foreign-born wives into the country...and then watch it all go predictably pear-shaped within 4 years (usually when her visa status changes to citizenship). I’ll be recommending this video to them. 👍🏼
love is the greatest gift ever given; nothing wrong with sex either, also a gift. An azalea does not question its flowers. The problem is lust, and the projection of the anima/animus onto others., and hence desire. The Dostoevsky quote, the young man is making the young woman into god(ess), and there lies the problem. Seeking unconditional love outside ourselves, without the blessing of unconditional love within, usually results in heart break. If one can love themselves unconditionally,(not narcissistically) it will be quite natural to love others unconditionally as well and as a added bonus- heartbreak innoculation.
@@BrianVanClough narcissists ‘self love’ involves them being totally unaware of self, whereas unconditional self love comes from a place of being deeply aware of yourself. For example - If you asked someone what is a quality or behaviour they themselves exhibit that someone else might not like or judge unfavourably, someone who loves themselves can answer that without pain, whereas a narcissist would find this deeply confronting and react with either anger (from near total denial) or shame (peering into the possibility that they have an imperfection in their own or somebody else’s eyes).
I am Christian but have already adapted Apathy and detached from the passions of this world, my desire and craving for love and relationships have burned out from so many Narcissists abusiveness. I'm sick of it. Much happier being alone. I didn't know anything about Buddhism and I'm actually doing all of these! Probably because I am an INFJ!
This is one of those videos where I know I’ll never be able to “un-know” what I realized watching it. 🤦🏽♀️ I mean it’s good…Richard’s stuff is never not good. But it’s kinda painful and…mind bending all the same.
I've unknowingly attained apatheia. It sucks! I look at people around me flirting, lusting, seducing, climbing up social hierarchies, manifesting their status, flashing whatever tricks, talents or riches they have, playing all sorts of games. I don't see how apatheia could be an escape from suffering. For me apatheia is nothing else but depression. My therapist says that it's a black filter and I don't even feel like trying to explain to her that it's actually zero filters because I don't want to spoil her game in which she believes she's helping me and I pretend that I need her help. I guess I should call it our game. People seem to behave like actors who forgot they are acting and they take it to the next level and it's the level on which we are supposed to operate. I feel like I'm sitting in a cinema and watching a movie but while other people are enjoying it, all I see are colourful, flickering blobs moving across white screen. It sucks! It's not a way to live which explains suicidal thoughts that accompany me from the moment I open my eyes till I fall asleep and only in my dreams, however unpleasant, I can still feel like I'm a real person torn by desires and passions. I'm looking at you and I'm thinking: I wish I could be so passionate about apatheia as you are when you're talking about it. You're passionate about telling stories and kudos to you. I hope you'll never lose the desire to tell your stories.
@@sannasunshine4161 You're not intruding. I would say that you're right. See, that's the point. Once you remove imposed values and pick your own, you're back in the game. It's always a game regardless of the values. The point is, I don't want to play. Is that depression? Maybe.
I'm with you. Ironically, I grew up playing PC games, but this "game of life" is a REALLY f***ed experience. It's not worth playing. Who even is John Galt? "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." -- J. Krishnamurti
@@sannasunshine4161 You've made a very good point about therapy. I remember reading somewhere that therapists (not all but in general) are agents of capitalism because they help people adjust or readjust to the system which they are a part of. They need people to be able to pay for their services and not to organise society which would render their services redundant. As for authenticity, I think that authenticity ends where culture begins. Our first cries were authentic, the way we sucked on mother's breast or bottle was authentic, the way we peed and defecated uncontrollably was authentic. We were authentic for the first year or two of our lives but that has been irrevocably lost. What I mean is that authenticity is not really a way to live. Men who start fights are authentic or women who dress in sexually provocative way are authentic. I see authenticity as following our animal instincts. It has its own appeal but it can't serve as a guiding principle. Even ”primitive” people have developed elaborate rituals and culture. I suppose culture IS our instinct after all. If it wasn't in our DNA, we wouldn't have invented languages, tools, social structures, religions.... Which leads me to the conclusion that everything we do is authentic because it can't be otherwise, i.e. pretending, faking, acting, wearing pressed shirt and a tie or high heels and a clutch bag is as authentic as putting spaghetti in your mouth with one hand while scratching your crotch with the other 😉 We're back to games. It's all about the game we want to play. Yesterday I had an impulse to look up the term ”secular monk” because I feel like becoming a monk (I don't particularly like the term ”nun” because it makes me think of a woman who rejects her femininity) and I found an interesting Wikipedia article about New Monasticism. I thought this might be a game for me. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Monasticism
@@sannasunshine4161 Indeed. The game of games involves getting invited back to play the next game. And people prefer playing against losers than they do playing against winners. So learning how to lose is playing the "meta" game. That one isn't worth playing either, best as I can tell.
@@sannasunshine4161 What was lost? To the extent you value it, whatever it is, it is already lost. Absent the analogies, talking is a complete waste of time. I detest the time spent talking to people via RU-vid comments as much as I do taking in person, which is why I never feel lost. 😒
The first thing should be find peace in ourself, then meaning and direction, and then two mature humans can pair Bond and travel together through life (for the time the relationship last)
@@user-dm2wz6np3v that's very interesting about Disney. I was already aware of the way in which they completely distort the impact of ancient fables by changing the endings. This idea that they promote 'unconditional love' as propaganda, through this idea of a girl being a thief ... I don't know exactly what movie that is but it fits right in with their other disabling values.
@@user-dm2wz6np3v yes i think i would agree, rarely is what it takes to actually change shown, but misleading methods and outcomes are shown all the time. as well as personality types that probably will never change, are shown changing. if i catch your meaning. Hope is definitely a vulnerable state to be in, it takes a lot of courage to return to it as you learn more about the world.
But that's not exactly an achievement or a virtue, but just the consequence of physical aging. If your body somehow got younger, for example as a result of some deep lifestyle changes,or, say, a multiple course of intravenous stem cells, that 'bomb' you mentioned would return
@@Kev80ification The first 'i' in your nickname seems to be excessive. Just kidding. I wrote that comment two years ago. Reading it now, I can't remember what led me to that thought and how I felt. Would't post that comment today
The thing that we need to understand is that love is not outside of us. Love is who we are, and the fact that we’ve been taught that love needs to be gripped on from the outside is the issue. 🙏🏻♥️
@Darren Jesus is love and can be found through our hearts. Jesus was teaching that everyone is love and he wasn’t there to teach that he was any better than anyone else. He was there to break the dogma and bring the revolution.
That's why I think Platonic love is quite useful, since in a way you decide to love from a distance, hence less attachment....still suffering will come when separation comes one way or the other, but it will be less painful.
What a relief to me when I found a man who didn’t say “I love you” when we were dating. We’ve been hitched forever. All the others who said it would then get scared or disappointed because now they had expectations and soon things would unravel. I like what Prince Charles once said: whatever ‘in love’ means.
Very nice. I would posit that part of moving towards the spiritual outlook necessitates giving up attachment to the flesh. That's true of all spiritual traditions. It's a part of maturity. It does not mean to never love or physically touch someone. It does mean not letting it control you.
Agreed but what about self love? Are we not to see our value to others in their attraction to us as oleasing and couldn't that fuel be used toward the good, as I have found transformation motivation in another due to catharsis & not wanting to lose me so as a motivation of desire not to be left hind as that can be the initial fuel that creates the growth factor that I've read they're there reaching for attaining a higher level of thinking inspired by that catharsis? Bc without cathecting me & our bond? He'd have been left behind. Depressed, his desire to grow withers, as the cathartic. Is it's usefulness gone?
I think what most people think they're experiencing as love is a combination of attraction and validation. The "wow, this person wants me too?" Even the character in the book you referenced exclaimed he couldn't believe this angel could love someone as ugly as him -> validation. We unwittingly attach our own value to the object of our desire. I think that's partly why we get attached, or feel "whole", because we found a crutch to help us believe we're worth loving. That feels great. Being able to love yourself without the opinions or actions of others is powerful. It's a shield against manipulation. It's a shield against devaluation. Anyway, love is hard, and outside of the need for survival, it may have no value other than adding some spice to life. I don't actually know though, lol, that's why I'm watching this video.
Thank you for your ability to put into words something I have been contemplating. I think as we evolve in life, our ability to move from one state of Love(Greek interpretation) to another, we reach a point where Love just is. No attachment, no expectations…just Love in its fullest. We can then move through life without creating the cycle of suffering we have come to know. It takes a great deal of awareness and internal work but once achieved, life is never the same. Thank you again for your interpretation on this topic:)
Hmm... interesting. After having experienced insane, infatuated, jealousy soaked, love and lust where I felt as though I was losing my mind over the person (and this in my late 40s). I believed I had finally found true love, the love you see depicted in books and on screen and it broke me, almost permanently. I know that I never want to feel the insanity, the extreme pull, desire, passion and pain (this love was excruciatingly painful as well as totally toxic and addictive. I was being played) ever again, not ever. But I do hope that I will find the gentle, comfortable, easy kind of love and companionship without the drama one day. Someone I love and respect and desire, without game playing, without clinging or jealousy, both being our own person without needing each other, just wanting a comfortable balance of time together and time apart.
That's what sounds good to me too. I call it a Sunday kind of love. Like an old comfortable sweater, a cozy blanket and a hot cup of tea. While watching Masterpiece Theater of course. 🤗
Exactly how I feel, it’s been over 3.5 years now since being in a relationship. If I could get that kind of relationship (guaranteed) I wouldn’t hesitate. It’s the fear that’s holding me back. 😉
Hunger. The one parallel that struck me right away was that I feel like you were also describing hunger. Look at the standard modern diet we are also addicted to sugar. I was reminded of my struggle to break my sugar addiction throughout this entire talk. I know that wasn't at all where you were going with this but it's immediately what came to mind. My first thought was he's saying Buddhism is spiritual keto.
Whoa, I thought the same thing! Quitting sugar was the beginning of a cascade of Buddhist-ish letting go, and it happened rather naturally. It’s like sugar and the craving of it kept me plugged into the matrix, and as I took that tit out, all the rest became less shiny.
So insightful, as the modern manifestations equated to "love" are literally addictions to the physical, sensory, emotional, material, and unnatural idealized artifices, which are entirely grotesque. Macabre artifices of what love actually is.
I honestly can’t wait for the ‘honeymoon’ phase of a relationships to be over and for something calmer and deeper to take its place… or that is the hope anyway.
I had a near death experience a decade ago and then coming away from narcissistic relationships have helped me become completely disillusioned with existence. I do my best to stay present but all the novelty has gone. That doesn't mean I am ready to kick off but that I realize how completely transitory this world is. All the addiction to fantasy or romantic love has gone. I'm not distracted by it anymore.
What Richard is talking about isn't love. Sexual/obsessive/lustful/overly attached love and real long term love are very different things. Love can be healthy and stable. Some personality types are just not nesters and some are.
Years ago a complete narcissist dismissed my powerful feelings as mere 'Limerance'. I was discarded again and again and it was the most painful 'relationship' of my adult life. However, a few years after the final discard, I watched them go through something similar to what I'd been dished out. It was very healing and validating to observe ( from a safe distance! ).
I doubt that satisfying vengefulness can be healing. That is not transcendence. Transcendence is when you no longer wish them harm or pain because you've successfully deattached yourself from that relationship, its memories and accompanying emotions.
Try to keep calm if your house in on fire, your wife is taken by another man, your child dies, your rolex watch has lost while running. It s next level, Desert monks had nothing but had everything. Nice talk Rich good to see you this way. Cheers From Holland
Romantic love, as it is intended, is a beautiful human experience. Mankind has the capacity to experience meaning in their life. Love is one of the few human experiences which fosters a sense of meaning in people that affects generations. Mankind will perish without a sense of meaning. I, personally, feel it is imperative v e for more people to learn to love well. If people yearn for lobe, they already sense it's importance, but many are stuck unsuccessful with loving others. Our humanity will wither without romance. It's the propagansizing of romance that has broken our ability to romantically bond in this culture. And you used a very old form of it, dear one. People despairing already, in such a time as this should seek to learn how to love well, by people who are doing just that. I do not give up on romance and I really hope those people here who really yearn for a partnership of lasting love, find it. Thank you for your time and attention. 💛
Excellent video. I love falling in love. It’s intoxicating and totally destroys everything about me. I’ve actually made a pact with myself to never fall in love again. Sounds sad but i seriously don’t think I could survive falling in love again!! X
You cannot prevent from falling in love, you can stop letting it drive you. Develop values and boundaries that are more important than you. And follow them.
"To live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21 In other words, death here is a metaphor that means to not belong to the material world, "to die is gain" means that to not fit in this world is a plus and "live is Christ" can be understood as the good life comes through Christ. Christianity is about transcending the material by dedication to greater: God. Buddhism from what I understood you said, is still about the self. "Blowing out" *my desire* for *my* benefit. Christianity is about attachment, yes, but not a common attachment, it is about attachment to the divine, the transcendental source of everything: God. I enjoy your material Richard. I thought you and your audience might be interested about this perspective on Christianity.
I have a nasty habit of "losing" myself (my sense of self) within relationships. Doesn't matter what type of relationship. Recognizing this pattern has helped me a lot. With the understanding that I lose my sense of self within relationships, I've decided to stay single. I have children so I can't be totally alone... but when they're with me, I am gifted the opportunity to discover who I am within our relationships. Staying true to myself/my values regardless of what's happening around me takes dedication. It can be difficult. It requires a lot of me (time, energy & focus) to love myself while loving another. My default is to love another with everything I've got, & I get what's left over. Then I eventually end up pissed off & resentful. This doesn't work for me. Or the people I love. Intimate or otherwise. Now I'm learning what healthy love actually looks & feels like. It's loving myself & another enough to say "No that doesn't work for me" or "I'm not available right now" or "It doesn't feel loving when you do this" or "I love you so much. I recognize that what I said/did wasn't loving. I'm sorry" I'm seeing how crucial it is for me to have a rock solid sense of self & an impenetrable foundation before I'm truly ready to have an intimate partner again. Losing myself in love is no longer an option for me. I truly feel that when I cultivate an intimate relationship within myself, I will attract that into my life in another human... in divine timing. There's no rushing the process. There's no room in my life for casual sex (complicates the journey). I choose to be with me. As scary as that feels sometimes, I feel that this is the key to the healthiest relationships I could possibly dream of.
I think you have hit the nail on the head with this one. We are in the Age of Aquarius which I believe is all about a Higher love. Not the kind in Dostoevsky
I mean…no more 24 hour love making sessions? Passion starts with a gaze, a touch…an anticipated moment that will inevitably comes…sex begins way before the carnal act. Building anticipation..one gaze, one nuzzle, one whisper, one brush of the fingers…passion is so much more than the explosive element.
Yes. There are places where he loses me. Like devaluing one of the most beautiful moments of my or any woman's life, nursing my child. I understand he wants to say there's a moment it's gone on too long. There are less iconic, powerful images to come after in that moment. But what do you expect from a dude who quotes Jordan Peterson ad nauseum? You take the good with the bad with Richard Grannon. When he is good he is very very good. I allow concessions. BY the way men out there- no woman is longing for a man to secretly brutalizer her. You will be arrested if you try it. F off with that.
Upadana has also been translated as assumption, which I think is more accurate. The fundamental assumption is the "I, me, mine" ownership and appropriation of the senses, body and mental objects.
Thank You! 🌀❤️🌀 It is the craving that causes the suffering not the attachment… Detach from the craving/desire/expectation which allows the opening for change/evolution……
A brilliant, inconvenient, inflalamable Truth! I have incinerated part of my young adult life, consumed by this treacherous fire desguised as Love! ... and even when the body was finally tamed, it's maddening incandescence leaks trough the psyche, and we think our soul is being nourished, when it is actually being starved to ashes... I am so glad I have survived and transformed to - witness - such human insanity... Beautifully, courageously done Richard, thank you!
Very wise advice, and I enjoyed learning about the relative Buddhist principles. Respect and self-respect are way more valuable than the approval of romantic attachment.
