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The three secrets of resilient people | Lucy Hone | TEDxChristchurch 

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Dr Lucy Hone is a resilience expert who thought she found her calling supporting people to recover following the Christchurch earthquake. She had no idea that her personal journey was about to take her to a far darker place. In this powerful and courageous talk, she shares the three strategies that got her through an unimaginable tragedy⁠-and offers a profound insight on human suffering. Dr Lucy Hone is a director of the New Zealand Institute of Wellbeing & Resilience, a research associate at AUT University, a published academic researcher, best-selling author and contributor to Psychology Today, the Sunday Star Times and Next magazine.
She trained at the University of Pennsylvania and got her PhD in public health at AUT University in Auckland. She has helped a range of organisations-from primary schools to leading law firms-to design and implement wellbeing initiatives creating sustained and meaningful change.
Five years ago, the sudden death of Lucy’s 12-year-old daughter Abi forced Lucy to turn her academic training and professional practice to foster resilience in very personal circumstances. The blog she wrote in the aftermath of Abi’s death attracted international attention and resulted in the best-selling non-fiction title, What Abi Taught Us, Strategies for Resilient Grieving (Allen & Unwin, 2016), now available as Resilient Grieving in the US, UK and NZ. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

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24 сен 2019

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Комментарии : 1,1 тыс.   
@jayapriyah
@jayapriyah 26 дней назад
I lost my daughter in 2023 October. She delivered a healthy girl baby who was 6 days old when this happened. I'm still grieving. 😢
@cmlasanta
@cmlasanta 7 дней назад
i am so sorry for your loss. This is a life changing event...i hope you find ways to cope as everytime you celebrate your grand-daughter's birthday you will remember the loss. Hugs.
@kel.lyyyyle
@kel.lyyyyle 3 года назад
I wonder how many times she had practiced this speech so that she wouldn’t burst out crying when she talked about her daughter’s death. My respect.
@peneloperodgers8019
@peneloperodgers8019 3 года назад
She did not have to practice the speech because that would not make what she just said authentic. She mapped out the three areas resilient people flourish in. Listen to it again and you would understand that practicing her speech would not be part Being true to herself.
@marcelacibulova4686
@marcelacibulova4686 2 года назад
@@peneloperodgers8019 ji.
@threepwood56
@threepwood56 2 года назад
@@darrinsiberia I had the experience at my wife's funeral last month. Apart from when my pants fell down, I communicated in a calm, composed way. I've been anything but that at times before that and since.
@VambeefcoHorzey
@VambeefcoHorzey Год назад
@@peneloperodgers8019 I think it's a bit disingenuous to assume she didn't practice - the speech has been carefully written, it's not off the cuff. That doesn't make it less authentic in the slightest, it simply means she's taken the time to chose her words and convey the relevant messages in the best possible way in the allotted time.
@fosteralight4271
@fosteralight4271 Год назад
In this video, she is also five years into her grieving process. As we share our pain with others in healthy ways and receive support for it, that pain dulls and becomes less acute. In our greatest grief (losing our only child), my wife and I couldn't talk about it without crying for probably over a year. But each time, it was a little bit less painful. Now we cry about it a lot less, even when sharing our deepest pain, partly because we have healed so much over time since it happened.
@Dariodee1
@Dariodee1 2 года назад
“Don’t lose what you have for what you have lost!” - what a wonderful, powerful and life changing thought! Thank you Lucy!
@NewVizionHealth
@NewVizionHealth 2 года назад
💪🏽💪🏽
@_mutantq
@_mutantq 11 месяцев назад
My father has been fighting stage 4 lung cancer since I was in middle school. It's been 7 years by now. He had never smoked his entire life, and he barely ever drunk. The tumor has metastasized to the brain and he had an epilepsy due to cerebral edema, which I had to witness myself. I feel so lucky that he is still alive with me, thanks to the clinical trials in targeted therapy. I had three more major hardships in life, and I am going through an anxiety disorder because of all this. I am very proud for myself for not giving up, and I never will. Let's get through this together.
@jpat6360
@jpat6360 7 месяцев назад
I had gone thru very similar situation with my mom lung cancer. She was 72 and we got only 6 weeks by the time finding out cancer to death. I went to depression and ended up taking medication and then realized it's just getting worst so early you help yourself is better.
@user-tr7yg7zo3j
@user-tr7yg7zo3j Месяц назад
Your resilience makes you a great source of wisdom for others. ❤
@user-tr7yg7zo3j
@user-tr7yg7zo3j Месяц назад
@user-tr7yg7zo3j
@user-tr7yg7zo3j Месяц назад
@@jpat6360My dad and brother and I held my mother in our arms when she died of lung cancer at age 49. I was 28 at the time. My dad was a hero. He quit his high paying job to stay home and care for her to the end, starting his own business from home, which still exists decades later. He called us together and said we would not let her die in a hospital, and we would all live together for however long she lived (six months). We would also not be “grim” or “act differently” -in fact, with humor and amusement so that she would have a peaceful transition in the life we had always experienced with parents who loved and respected each other. It wasn’t always easy, but his steady, unwavering determination to get her (and all of us) through this passage as “normally” and pleasantly as possible, was, indeed, heroic. (She confided in me one day that in his grief at losing her he would sleep on the floor, on her side of the bed, sobbing quietly as he held her hand). Grief comes in a variety of forms. From what I’ve seen and experienced, every grieving person grieves in a unique way, not in the cookie-cutter “stages of grief” the “experts” set out before us. However, those stages do exist, just differently for everyone, and often not in the “order” generally put forth.
@user-re7yp5wf5x
@user-re7yp5wf5x Месяц назад
I have terminal cancer. At 73 yrs. of age, I have had to overcome many challenges. I am thankful for my faith in Jesus Christ, my my parents, who taught me resilience and my friends who love me, regardless of my many foibles. "TUNE INTO THE GOOD"
@AngelBien
@AngelBien 4 года назад
"don't lose what you have to what you have lost" wow.
@cathyl2338
@cathyl2338 4 года назад
Angeline Bien 💕💕💕
@Irishjay-gu5pb
@Irishjay-gu5pb 4 года назад
Extremely powerful. Wow
@georgiamaggs
@georgiamaggs 3 года назад
Haha coincidentaly I was reading this cooment at the exact moment she said it
@sempressfi
@sempressfi 3 года назад
I have chronic pain and lupus and one of the things that gets me through is a similar saying to the one you quoted: "I will not let what I can't do keep me from doing what I CAN do" 💜
@brandon1023
@brandon1023 3 года назад
@@sempressfi prayers for you. Lupus runs deep in my family. Stay strong!
@lifepsycleofficial24
@lifepsycleofficial24 3 года назад
Wonderfully presented by Lucy Hone 1. Know that there's suffering in life 2. Choose those aspects which are in our control 3. Is what we are doing helping or harming us? Amazing strategies, it helps immensely!
@architectureofmindstv6554
@architectureofmindstv6554 Год назад
Thank you for the summary! Very useful! Appreciate!
@jazmina6099
@jazmina6099 8 месяцев назад
She also talk on number 2 strategy to be grateful.
@TierraJaiAwakenings
@TierraJaiAwakenings 8 месяцев назад
Thank you. I watched it but videos like this you can’t help but think about a lot simultaneously
@Patrick-rp2be
@Patrick-rp2be 5 месяцев назад
Thanks for helping me with my school projekt so i dont have To Watch the whole Video
@shirleyliggett776
@shirleyliggett776 3 месяца назад
What a great testimony. This was my motivational to start my day this morning. It's so encouraging and I'm so glad for this. Thanks for sharing the strategies too. God bless you in your work Lucy ❤❤❤
@greenspark101
@greenspark101 4 года назад
I just want to hug her. To not only go through it, but to help others too. She's amazing
@ddd1dorin396
@ddd1dorin396 4 года назад
She s amazing, yes!
@stephenphan2761
@stephenphan2761 4 года назад
God blesses her til now through her mind and soul's strength
@growjam2769
@growjam2769 4 года назад
. . . . . I was 10 , when my dad died . What DID help me was realizing the fact that “Sh*t happens” ... Nobody ever promised u a lifetime availability of ur parental figures! But then u also can easily fall into total nihilism. I still type “ways to commit Suicide” into Search Engines... (btw: get I better responses on MeekD.. com than on Google ) . But Nihilism still helped me get more resilient
@vevamoody8922
@vevamoody8922 4 года назад
She is so rite. Thank you & God Bless you..
@karinlarsen2608
@karinlarsen2608 4 года назад
When we find strength and Hope, sharing with others is the only way to keep it
@xyzv8640
@xyzv8640 4 года назад
Resilience - especially three strategies: a) 7:10 - acceptance/acknowlegdement of situation as part of life b) 8:18 - selectional attention (focus on things you can change/ on positive things, e.g. name three things you are/were grateful for) c) 12:20 - "is what you are doing helping or harming you?" (control over situation/ be kind to yourself/ according to speakers experience - most powerful/useful tool) Thank you for sharing. Stay strong!
@TheLadyLuve
@TheLadyLuve 4 года назад
Philipp the Sock thank you for pulling out the points! Very very helpful!
@Prplex.
@Prplex. 4 года назад
Cheers
@kunwaranujsingh9980
@kunwaranujsingh9980 4 года назад
thankew
@kajalpreetkaur9800
@kajalpreetkaur9800 4 года назад
Thankuu
@sabinetsamtsukakis4031
@sabinetsamtsukakis4031 4 года назад
You too dear,thank you for putting these up💞🍀💞🍀💞
@Starlightv74
@Starlightv74 4 года назад
Your daughter would be proud beyond measure of the way you have used her passing to help others - and yourself. xx
@sparklemocha8781
@sparklemocha8781 4 года назад
Well said
@ChristopherBriscoe
@ChristopherBriscoe 2 месяца назад
I’ve just returned from months in Ukraine. Every family I met has lost at least one family member or a close friend to the war. Your 3 strategies seem to have taken root there. Ukrainians are the most resilient people I know. Thank you for your powerful work.
@ElaineKempf
@ElaineKempf 2 месяца назад
Lost my son 4 months ago. Thank you so much for this wonderful and powerful video. It helps.
@lb1798
@lb1798 Месяц назад
I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes those words feel so hollow.From one grieving human being to another, I really mean it.❤💔❤️
@leahhawker-photography6247
@leahhawker-photography6247 Месяц назад
I'm so sorry. Devastating. Sending a warm hug from Cape Town x
@KS-es5sn
@KS-es5sn 3 года назад
I buried my son in 2014. He was almost 21 and died in the military. I didn’t realize it, but I basically did these things that she is talking about. I also have faith in Jesus.
@destinyluv8828
@destinyluv8828 2 года назад
My condolences go to your family!
@KS-es5sn
@KS-es5sn 2 года назад
@@destinyluv8828 Thank you so much.
@leesteal4458
@leesteal4458 2 года назад
My condolences. You are extremely strong.
@Onyxscubababy
@Onyxscubababy 2 года назад
God bless you!
@jbdbean242
@jbdbean242 2 года назад
It's impossible, really, to find the right words, any words seem so insignificant. Words cannot express what our hearts feel for you and your family. Bless you all.
@genevievebrigham7387
@genevievebrigham7387 3 года назад
I am so grateful for your talk today. Back in 1983 my wonderful son Scott was killed in a car accident. As a single mother and he my only child, I did not want to go on. I can still recall the excruciating pain. What helped me the most over the years was to see that Scott was such a gift to me. So, I tried to focus on how fortunate I was to have had him inbefore
@eleabolar
@eleabolar Месяц назад
Thank you for sharing about your son Scott ❤
@ducktaledudette
@ducktaledudette Месяц назад
I have an illness that leaves me sobbing on the floor in pain every few months. I can at least testify to the second resilience secret: looking for at least one positive thing. I've looked at my pain as chance to increase my pain tolerance, and I've expressed gratitude to the people who helped me through it. That helps more than anything!!
@buddhalovechild
@buddhalovechild Месяц назад
After 70 years I am starting to suspect that the purpose of life is to experience loss.
@makalefitzgerald4814
@makalefitzgerald4814 4 года назад
Can't tell you how many times I have viewed this Ted talk over the last two months. It's saving my life really. Thank you
@E-Kat
@E-Kat 4 года назад
Thank you for this, I'll listen to it and pay more attention.
@emmcatherine1460
@emmcatherine1460 4 года назад
Hi makale Stay strong along your path. Love And Light.
@lynnej.9357
@lynnej.9357 4 года назад
Yes. Keep it in mind. These strategies don't take away the pain, but somehow provide some balance for it. Hang in. It gets better. Be kind to yourself.
@meganhardy6983
@meganhardy6983 4 года назад
I hope the best for you my friend. I'm here for you if you need a neutral party to listen to you. My dad committed suicide and lost my sister to OD.
@makalefitzgerald4814
@makalefitzgerald4814 4 года назад
@@meganhardy6983 I am so sorry to hear that. My heart goes out to you. It's been 9 months now, and I feel a thousand times better. Grateful to be here. And to be on a path of healing. Hope you are doing as good as you can be. Sending positive vibes your way.
@onelove919
@onelove919 4 года назад
Far out. The pain in her face. I just want to hug her.
@Dd-po2ij
@Dd-po2ij 4 года назад
Me too. Blessings to you.
@emunozq
@emunozq 3 года назад
yes, the pain is stamped in her face all the time. even though she is clearly so resilient, she cannot hide her suffering.
@timferguson2682
@timferguson2682 4 года назад
"It is possible to live and grieve at the same time." Good to know.
@valoriestewart8272
@valoriestewart8272 4 года назад
Simply. THANK YOU. THANK YOU!
@graceg19799
@graceg19799 3 года назад
🙌
@samanb1268
@samanb1268 3 года назад
I have just lost my husband because of Covid. I am living and grieving. People say hurtful comments that I am coping really well.
@timferguson2682
@timferguson2682 3 года назад
@@samanb1268 Right. How could they know how much you hurt and how different the world has become? I'm sorry.
@samanb1268
@samanb1268 3 года назад
@@timferguson2682 so true. Thanks
@kevinpark55
@kevinpark55 3 года назад
I have huge respect for this lady. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to bury your own child, let alone talk about such a painful experience of losing one's kid in such a public setting in order to help complete strangers.
@NatalieCWilliams
@NatalieCWilliams 3 года назад
So true. I remember reading a story a few years ago about a teenage girl who collided with another vehicle.... husband, wife, baby. The mother was the only survivor. Young girl was under the influence of alcohol. That mother decided it made no sense to "loose" another life. She forgave that girl and together they share the story of that accident to school kids, etc. That's another very strong, resilient woman!
@osirusj275
@osirusj275 2 года назад
She doing it so that it doesnt haunt her anymore. Ppl always do things for themselves 1st then for others..
@maryanndolan6508
@maryanndolan6508 4 года назад
Wonderful talk!!! I’m 84, I have experienced many, many of your named experiences, your so right..in the blink of an eye, life can change completely. Thank you for sharing your story.
@philippamediwake1235
@philippamediwake1235 2 месяца назад
Gosh, this lady is special beyond words. Teaching us her resilience strategies has helped so many people live through grief & pain. It certainly gives us all hope.
@cbhagman
@cbhagman 3 года назад
"I didn't need to be told how bad things were . . .What I needed was hope." Dr.Lucy Hone. I'm so glad she addressed the well-meant advice that winds up depleting the energies and exacerbating the pain of people who are already suffering and feeling overwhelmed. I'm glad she offers a path forward that doesn't sugarcoat reality and acknowledges the obstacles and expectations people have, and then offers a practical mindset and approach for dealing with those things.
@Vecio.Nandes
@Vecio.Nandes 3 года назад
Heavens! This woman has in her face the scars of suffering but also the strong marks of mastery over the pains of life.
@kristinmccoy5570
@kristinmccoy5570 4 года назад
Thank you so much for this. My husband recently passed and many ask and comment on how "strong I am" and it tends to anger me because I am only doing what is best for myself and our young daughter. It is what he would have wanted me to do. I grieve...I cry...I wish he was here, but I also fight and live each day and use self-talk to guide myself through each moment. It was refreshing to hear what I do in my brain being spoken as a TedTalk. :)
@SarahLizDoan
@SarahLizDoan 4 года назад
Kristin McCoy so sorry for your loss.
@hannybee14
@hannybee14 3 года назад
I just lost my mum and people say it to me all the time too, she brought me up to be resilient and I don't see myself as strong. I grieve her. It's a mindset thing.
@MrJimbissle
@MrJimbissle 3 года назад
@kgee6269
@kgee6269 3 года назад
People say "You are so strong" as they are thinking about how they would literally go to pieces and not be able to go on. It is hard for those on the outside as they really do not know what to say. Saying you are so strong is meant to be a compliment not an insult, so please know people are just trying to give you love when they say that. I prefer to say "you are so brave" or "you have so much courage" as I think that makes people feel a little less upset that they are being judged. Just a thought :) Sending you some good thoughts at this tough time for you.
@D.Lee.W
@D.Lee.W 2 года назад
You are proving the very advice given here: It is possible to grieve and live at the same time. I imagine it is not easy, and I admire your resiliency.
@santa4754
@santa4754 2 года назад
For all of us, let we know this: "It is possible to live and grieve at the same time".
@katero789
@katero789 Месяц назад
Engraining this in my mind: 1) Sh*t happens. Suffering is part of life. 2) Don't waste my energy on things I cannot change. Pay attention to things that are in my control and learn to accept what is not. 3) Is what I am doing/thinking helping me or harming me? Be kind to myself. "Don't lose what you have to what you have lost."
@monilangeKootenays
@monilangeKootenays 2 месяца назад
Whenever you feel as if you've hit rock bottom, remember this; there's no where else to go but up. Thank you for this video.
@mikec5820
@mikec5820 4 года назад
"Don't lose what you have to what you have lost" 10:22
@JimOsborne5
@JimOsborne5 4 года назад
How helpful this would have been 15 years ago when I lost my wife of 38 years.
@jennifergopinath
@jennifergopinath 4 года назад
The past is a pot of Ashes,they say. At least u know it now....... Be satisfied & move on !
@magusatx
@magusatx 3 года назад
Dear Jim, You were probably more resilient then you know...you made it through the best you could. Hope you find peace even in such a challenging occurrence. We are always learning new tools how to live in the moment and learn to thrive despite the pain of loss and what we go through being human. Much respect and good wishes to you.
@florence1395
@florence1395 3 года назад
@@jennifergopinath Erm be satisfied & move on………….really! Wow, maybe showing empathy & giving kindness. I’ve loss my husband, he died within 8 weeks & I then had my younger brother die of Covid this year, that’s with all the other deaths. I have a illness & fell breaking my foot in half to be told I may have MS as well. I just hope you have a truly wonderful blessed life with no suffering because you could of hurt Jim Osborne feelings! You couldn’t hurt mine!
15 дней назад
I hope you are fine now Sir
@hemi969
@hemi969 3 года назад
That was worthy of a standing ovation, wow!
@Joonasaurus1
@Joonasaurus1 4 года назад
When you hear other people’s stories, makes you appreciate your problems are maybe not that bad
@Quiche543
@Quiche543 4 года назад
It isn't a competition. Some people's problems just may be "that bad," or worse. Please do not compare cause even if they are not "that bad," they may be bad enough.
@xyzabc1560
@xyzabc1560 3 года назад
@Moon in Joon. Yes, this concept in psychology is called “downward social comparison”
@bobblehat6603
@bobblehat6603 3 года назад
But it's no consolation for people who have worse problems.
@NatalieCWilliams
@NatalieCWilliams 3 года назад
Yes, so true!
@chitraramani6911
@chitraramani6911 2 года назад
Exactly dear
@june52005
@june52005 4 года назад
I want to give this woman a hug for her wisdom and for her grief :)
@yankee2666
@yankee2666 4 года назад
She doesn't need yours or anyone else's hug. Don't you get it?
@GreySpyder
@GreySpyder 4 года назад
This was tough to watch. So much respect for sharing her story. Also excellent advise, thank you.
@zofiajaneczek184
@zofiajaneczek184 4 года назад
You certainly can’t comprehend what anyone goes through in this life. Many people out there have horrendous things happen to them for absolutely no reason and through no fault of their own. It helps to be nice in this world, positivity won’t make your problems go away, the “bad” in life seems to almost always bring out the good in other ways and in other places, whatever is broken and cracked can always be mended in some way but perhaps not in the way you wanted...regardless of what you’ve been through, where you are...life always goes on! She’s correct, ALL you have to do is want to live, that will is enough to carry you through, at least to the next day! One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, go forward yet you will sometimes go backwards. Btw, I’m an abuse survivor and I’ve lived a fairly difficult but interesting life. I don’t consider myself an optimistic person, fake happiness is depressing. If anything, I’m a realist but also a dreamer.
@aylbdrmadison1051
@aylbdrmadison1051 4 года назад
It is realistic to have dreams. Keep them coming. ^-^
@VocalSpiritPresents
@VocalSpiritPresents 4 года назад
Realistic dreamer who maintains gratitude here, too.
@pollygong
@pollygong 4 года назад
Goodness me, this was a truly powerful speech. Her words were so authentic and the simplicity of her guidance was so impactful, definitely one of the best TED Talks I've heard yet!
@houseportraitscalligraphy7474
@houseportraitscalligraphy7474 2 года назад
I have learned that to live and grieve is possible
@williamgallaher1377
@williamgallaher1377 4 года назад
Great talk, I would have loved to hear this many years ago, however I didn’t realize that I was resilient until now. I have lost my Mother, Father and finally my sister after she couldn’t stand her life without mom and dad. All past away about 18 months of each other leaving me a single father of 4 alone and lost. It took what seemed like forever but I woke up and was shown the way to life through prayers and honesty talking with my children. Our life is changing so quickly now for the better and we are definitely reaping the rewards of faith and believing in US. Thank you so very much for sharing!!! Have a great day and live a safe and happy life!!!
@E-Kat
@E-Kat 4 года назад
Oh dear William, I'm so terribly sorry you had to endure so many devastating tragedies! How did you cope with life and not only, how did you cope with this enormous responsibility of bringing up four small children? Must be God, helping you quietly, giving you injection of concentrated strength and stamina. This is what we mostly need from God - strength to deal with the bad situation were in, not necessarily resolving of the problem. I'll pray God never leaves you and your children. You're an example how we should all live!
@erininquire6203
@erininquire6203 4 года назад
I am the same - with all the grief I experienced in my life I turn to one thing, my faith in God. I had this conversation with my 15 year old son last night. I told him he has to have one thing or one person he can turn to when everything is in shambles. Bless your heart, I said a short prayer for you.
@E-Kat
@E-Kat 4 года назад
@Roxanna A Lopez oh, it just came to my mind, like someone told me to write it. I meant instant, quick help, miraculous intervention. I hope it helps. Happy New Year!
@SharonAWinningham
@SharonAWinningham 4 года назад
Bless you
@mandannaz1
@mandannaz1 4 года назад
You are one of a kind. Very strong and very resilient. Stay strong for the 4 who always look up to you and one day will be very proud of you and how you handled these all single-handedly. It's like you are navigating a ship in the middle of a very stormy sea to a safe and sunny land. One day they will be very proud and grateful that how you took them to somewhere safe. Hugs from an Iranian in New Zealand ;)
@theodoresweger4948
@theodoresweger4948 4 года назад
Fantastic. I can't believe at my age 84 I've came to precisely the same conclusion. Thank you . I did the same thing with photos of those I lost.
@simplybuyer1
@simplybuyer1 4 года назад
im here for you brother
@anilislam4829
@anilislam4829 Месяц назад
I have severe back pain and several other physical issues. im 24 only. I have wish live more than 40 years. I can't think about 80 years. Its huge. Pray for me.
@BeeSee05
@BeeSee05 2 года назад
1. Realise that suffering happens to everyone. 2. Be grateful. Write down 3 things you are grateful for each day. 3. Ask yourself: Is what I'm doing helping or harming me?
@leahnewyork
@leahnewyork 4 года назад
To me, this person is straight up no bs and this is one of the most impressive self-awareness-oriented TED or TEDx presentations out there.
@ShivangiSingh-wc3gk
@ShivangiSingh-wc3gk 4 года назад
Thank you!!! I need this. I had a bad break up and seeing my friends in happy relationships/getting married depressed me. This helped me gain my strength back.
@MS-ns4ki
@MS-ns4ki 5 месяцев назад
I feel this comment . Not only is everyone else loved - but they always remind you that you aren’t .
@rohaan.
@rohaan. 3 года назад
One of the best TED Talk I have ever come accross.
@nathanselman9787
@nathanselman9787 3 года назад
Essential this is the serenity prayer. Accept the things you cannot change, have courage to change the things you can, and be wise to know the difference
@annmarieknapp
@annmarieknapp 3 года назад
"Adversity doesn't discriminate." Brilliant quote. I will use this in my classes. So well said!!
@jessbaria4977
@jessbaria4977 3 года назад
One of the most powerful TED Talks I've ever heard! Who can argue with the real-life experience of this expert? Brilliantly delivered!
@rightright6582
@rightright6582 4 года назад
My son, who is 12, says to me when i am a bit sad: " Papa you should be thankful that i am healthy and happy" powerful message, thank you for this gift given to us; just a brilliant presentation coming from your Heart&soul.
@D.Lee.W
@D.Lee.W 2 года назад
Your son is wise beyond his years...
@Edithalba1863
@Edithalba1863 4 года назад
Thanks a lot for sharing this! I find this very helpful! “The doctor is effective only when he himself is affected. Only the wounded physician heals.” ― C.G. Jung
@pauljung3534
@pauljung3534 Год назад
"When you see someone as yourself, you’ll know how to be... with them, as them, for them." ~ Paul Jung
@susanclare5475
@susanclare5475 4 года назад
Amazing is an often overused word, but this woman truly is. Through unbearable hurt she seeks to help others and lessen their pain. Wow.
@TheAsianRepublican
@TheAsianRepublican 3 года назад
"Don't lose what you have, to what you have lost."
@peacefuljourney4858
@peacefuljourney4858 4 года назад
She just cured my depression. Thanks for every word you spoke it was well needed.
@kab9052
@kab9052 2 года назад
This lady is the epitome of taking lemons and making lemonade she took a tragic devastating experience and created a speech that can empower so many people. Mad respect!
@KakosiaKo
@KakosiaKo 4 года назад
OMG! This speech changed my life!!! Thank you!!! "Time to sink or swim" 💪🏻
@VocalSpiritPresents
@VocalSpiritPresents 4 года назад
You got this!
@Dd-po2ij
@Dd-po2ij 4 года назад
Truth. Bless you.
@user-eo1hj9lp9q
@user-eo1hj9lp9q 2 месяца назад
God u are resilience master piece.
@lowerlowerhk
@lowerlowerhk Месяц назад
Realize that suffering is the norm and people do get over it; direct attention on things one can control and omit those we can't; pay attention to things and people that care for me; do things to benefit you and don't do the contrary.
@erininquire6203
@erininquire6203 4 года назад
I can only imagine her pain. No mother will ever 100% move on without a pain in their hearts when remembering the child they lost.
@KM-04
@KM-04 4 года назад
Briefing. *She shares the story of the loss of her daughter* 1) Resilient people acknowledge that s&* happens. They are aware that it doesn't just happen to the next person, but can also happen to them. This keeps them from the idea of why me. 2) They focus on the positive and the things they can change. That doesn't mean they completely tune out the negative, but their focus is to tune into the good stuff :). Choose life, not death! 3) Resilient people ask themselves the question, whether what their doing is helping them or harming them. Ex. If looking at a picture of her daughter distresses her, she avoids it. "I won't pretend that thinking this way is easy, and that it would remove all the pain, but if I learn't anything, thinking this way really does help, and more than anything, it showed me it is possible to live and grieve at the same time." - Lucy Hone
@HDBerlin
@HDBerlin 4 года назад
Thanks for sharing this.
@user-rb4cb1dv9p
@user-rb4cb1dv9p 4 года назад
Thank you!!
@dianehorrell6107
@dianehorrell6107 4 года назад
Thank you! Very helpful.
@claires9100
@claires9100 2 года назад
Merci pour le résumé.
@edvigesrodrigues8844
@edvigesrodrigues8844 5 дней назад
Thank you, Lucy, for sharing your story, you are brave. I understand your pain and relate to mine. I lost my son Craig my second born in November 2021 he was only 15 years. Healthy young lad with no health conditions. He went to school on a normal day and never came home again. He had a sudden cardiac arrest died instantly. We had all the help and support from our friends and the community I am slowly trying to do these things what you are talking about. Stepping out smiling keeping my head up. Some days are good and some days very very grey. Being a mother its tough. Time does not heal anything. We learn to live with pain. No matter how much time has passed it still it strikes you as much as the day it happened and I just look up to the heavens with heavy eyes and smile. We have 2 boys to live for and we want and are trying to give them a normal life. It's our 25th wedding anniversary on May 26th. 2024 And we will celebrate with our 2 sons and close once. Believe me it’s not easy. We all are struggling in our own way. None of us were never prepared for something like this to ever happen in our family. I want to live and grieve at the same time. I don't like to be judged because no one will ever understand me. It’s my pain and it will never go away. I am thankful and grateful each day for everything that has happened in my life. We have Faith and we believe in Jesus and Mama Mary and this is keeping us strong together.
@saadahmad3085
@saadahmad3085 2 года назад
Hats off to this lady...i have met a 20 year old pretty girl who is the one i found resiliant in my surrounding . I always tell her that she is very brave n strong and i also ask her to share it with me . Today i came to know that her braveness really is resilience. I request you all to wish good best for her ...she is a best friend of mine ,a real fellow. Thank you
@harisharnam9309
@harisharnam9309 2 года назад
I believe you can only see such kind of things in other, if have such kind of things with in you already.....
@EnglishWithMohamed101
@EnglishWithMohamed101 4 года назад
This life shows us many situations when we can't hold on something bad happened to us knowing that it can't even change so we just have to keep going and move forward on this amazing world .
@lisaaromano1
@lisaaromano1 3 года назад
Thank you for this lecture. Yes, deciding to look for the good can absolutely change our lives through changing our perspective. Refusing to live as a victim is key.
@juanpedro4083
@juanpedro4083 3 года назад
I love you
@jacktiller2809
@jacktiller2809 3 года назад
I love you even more
@donnarowland-tait4934
@donnarowland-tait4934 2 года назад
Ààaàààqa212111
@sherimelling9139
@sherimelling9139 2 года назад
It's so hard to lose our children. I lots my girl. Thank God I had her children. I have been able to focus on her loves. They are my world and I thank her for her gift. I love them almost as she did.
@avi10000
@avi10000 2 года назад
Wife died young left me with 10 kids in from age 5 up. Morning after, the day of the funeral, I woke up shaking
@iamluckyjames_
@iamluckyjames_ 3 месяца назад
A hard fact about life is that, things can be going really smooth and perfect today, and you wake up the next day to life situations that go as far as breaking you. Life is so unpredictable, and hence we all need resilience to go through these moments. It's honestly not easy like you said, but from your life and story, you've made us see that it can go a long way to help. Thank you very much for sharing this with us. May God continually comfort you for your loss. 🙏🏾
@Nowhere888
@Nowhere888 4 года назад
Three skills: 1.) realize life is suffering and everyone suffers, i.e. a Buddhist teaching, 2.) focus on the positive emotions, i.e. love, gratitude, serenity, joy, etc. (ala Martin Seligman) , 3.) ask if this behavior is helping or hurting me. Check out the books by Pema Chodron and Martin Seligman for more info.
@yehuditpoloway6278
@yehuditpoloway6278 4 года назад
great minds think alike
@perpetututuator
@perpetututuator 4 года назад
ofc youre right but ideas are cumulative and she is saying among all the suggestions she found these 3 was the most apropriate when she was in grief. just sharing her own results.
@odanialichtschweif3429
@odanialichtschweif3429 4 года назад
I cried watching this.
@notlifehacksbyjohn1507
@notlifehacksbyjohn1507 3 года назад
This is one of the most powerful things I've heard in a long time.
@heatherjane910
@heatherjane910 4 года назад
I ‘stood’ for all 4 of the categories at the beginning of the talk. Currently, my family is dealing with something unimaginable. I shared this with my husband and our therapist. Thank you for bravely sharing your story and methodology.
@spicybrown75
@spicybrown75 4 года назад
My best wishes to you and your family 😐
@VocalSpiritPresents
@VocalSpiritPresents 4 года назад
Love and light to you.
@zofiajaneczek184
@zofiajaneczek184 4 года назад
Heather Elzinga, May you and your family be universally blessed and endure, surpass, and thrive through any and all challenges in your way!
@kathykaveh1471
@kathykaveh1471 4 года назад
Strength and love to you. xoxo
@user-wg5er7uj5q
@user-wg5er7uj5q 3 месяца назад
God bless you. Sending you love and prayers. ❤
@UriGalimidi
@UriGalimidi 4 года назад
More than any of the videos on resilience i've watched, she has moved me in ways which I hope will stick with me for years to come.
@saravalinemati2303
@saravalinemati2303 2 года назад
I admire her strength. There are some powerful human out there who are cable of doing things beyond imagination.
@user-tr7yg7zo3j
@user-tr7yg7zo3j Месяц назад
People have ridiculed the title of my book (on Amazon): “The Ten Gifts Of Grief” by Hawthorne Wood (on Amazon). In fact, though the book gets mostly five star reviews, one man gave it a poor one because (though he hadn’tread the book) he wrote: “No! How can you possibly say there are GIFTS of grief?” thereby consigning it to the “unsold” table. In the book I don’t deny my grief after losing my soulmate and beloved husband of 25 years to a mountain climbing accident. The rug was pulled out from under me, and I wept with every word I wrote. But: I wanted to share the good that came for me - including the unexpected humor and the love I’d taken for granted would never end (and of course, never does, in the spiritual realm.) I like this talk because it’s exactly what I believe about grief, too. There is nothing we can’t deal with, no matter its terrors. 😊Martha Woodworth.
@karenk2409
@karenk2409 Год назад
The Serenity Prayer is a terrific mantra.
@EllieGirl93
@EllieGirl93 3 года назад
What a brilliant speech by an incredibly strong woman. I lost my beautiful Nanny to Alzheimer’s about 6 years ago. It took me about halfway through last year to finish the grieving process. I now accept her passing, and look back on the time I spent with her and the memories we shared together fondly.
@kkuczak0001
@kkuczak0001 3 года назад
I'm glad I went through so many heartbreaking things as a child bc by the time I was 13 I knew all I had to do was graduate the middle/high school to have a better life. I never tried to have hope..I just had it. If you have suicidal thoughts, God can transform any part of us & our situation. Life continued to be a roller coaster emotionally in college and afterwards. The one thing I would change would be to have a relationship with God sooner. You can encounter God. He loves you & is waiting to hear from you if you are wanting a better life. God bless & shalom
@cindyhalpern3187
@cindyhalpern3187 19 дней назад
I lost both my brothers to Muscular Dystrophy. I got temporarily better by having my daughter. But my loss came back to haunt me in later life. There is a hole in my life without them aging with me!
@sarahh5036
@sarahh5036 4 года назад
What a great talk. I know I'm resilient, having been in dark places and come out the other side. I have used these strategies myself, without realizing they are categorized and the top 3. 1. Accept the situation you're in. You have to go thru to go out the other side. 2. You can choose where you put your attention, energy and Focus. 3. Ask yourself is what you're doing helping or harming you? Thank you Lucy
@DanaTheDisaffectedDoula
@DanaTheDisaffectedDoula 4 года назад
I've been listening to Ted Talks for years and this is easily in the top 3. A woman who has lived through it and talks with knowledge, compassion, and real life experience. I would've listened to her for hours. Brava! 👏👏👏
@user-qp2mu5ls2n
@user-qp2mu5ls2n 5 месяцев назад
What a phenomenal woman.
@jc-wx5oo
@jc-wx5oo 3 года назад
My wife and I listened to this in the midst of putting our relationship back together. This talk couldn’t have been more perfect!
@Lovethatareyou
@Lovethatareyou Месяц назад
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ,i do learning Everday
@jenni8032
@jenni8032 10 месяцев назад
I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter, her friend, and your friend. Thank you for having the strength, resilience, and courage to talk about this topic with us.
@Urania4007
@Urania4007 4 года назад
The idea of focus resonated with me; I hated being given suggestions of what to do after I'd had a great loss. Also, I stopped crying so much when I realized that I was so doing because I felt sorry for myself. It did me no good.
@aylbdrmadison1051
@aylbdrmadison1051 4 года назад
I am not suggesting reveling in pain, or staying/wallowing in it. But how can we ever expect to get out of it if we don't release it? The hard part is that it will always be there to some degree, it becomes a part of us (and can be turned into a strength). Our choices of how we deal with that pain are what makes us stronger. I'm just saying, that if you see something, say a flower that reminds you, *the tears are a badge of honor and truth,* no shame. +hugs+
@bloomanimary282
@bloomanimary282 2 месяца назад
Thanks for reminding us that suffering is part of life.
@tonzinholondon
@tonzinholondon 7 месяцев назад
I was born resilient. It’s the word who defines me.
@hiranhasaranga6450
@hiranhasaranga6450 3 месяца назад
The art of not giving a f*ck?
@carolrocha12
@carolrocha12 4 года назад
This video is so helpful and necessary, it should have captions for all languages to reach as more people as possible
@yanissaouchiche1606
@yanissaouchiche1606 4 года назад
This was a beautiful talk from an exceptional person I personally struggled with ms(multiple sclerosis), Graves' disease and social anxiety since a couple years now,but to hear a beautiful talk like this really helped me get that inspiration and help I need to get on with my life. Again thank you for putting this out there!😊
@Ray-fn4iv
@Ray-fn4iv Месяц назад
Sorry to hear about your daughter and what you and your husband are going through!!!! Wish you and your husband the best!!! Happy Easter.
@marthawunnam2946
@marthawunnam2946 10 месяцев назад
This is so far the most powerful Tedx talk I have listened to. Thank you Lucy, for sharing these skills with us
@karenkoerner6015
@karenkoerner6015 4 года назад
"Trying to find things to be grateful for. " that's what got me through my bad year.
@raz2986
@raz2986 3 года назад
I leave my guitar in the open in my room, and it helps me so much, reminding me fun and happiness
@sunny1234321
@sunny1234321 2 года назад
Very touching. I could see her nearly in tears or choking. This proves you cannot forget but "live and grieve at the same time"
@artistevivien
@artistevivien 4 года назад
Usually I only find 1 in 5 Ted talks to be actually useful/inspiring/powerful in some way, and this is all three. She is amazing.
@simonadunn7168
@simonadunn7168 4 года назад
One of the best TedX talks I’ve ever heard. Thank you so much for this. God bless you.
@deniseward002
@deniseward002 4 года назад
Wow, great talk. What a beautiful woman. My heart goes out to her for all she has suffered and endured but she's resilient and chose life. Brava!
@Purrrout
@Purrrout 3 года назад
Just what I thought!
@sheikhifshanasheikh1994
@sheikhifshanasheikh1994 2 года назад
My respect for your hidden tears that u might have shed beyond stage.lots of luv stay blessed.
@margyritchie2702
@margyritchie2702 3 года назад
I'm pausing this as her daughter is in car. I sense what's next. I lost my son Michael on 01/20/19 I miss him so much! He was a funny intelligent good person who made a terrible mistake. Love you Michael Ritchie. I'm very sorry for your loss as well. It's crushing the sorrow
@fabiolagil4896
@fabiolagil4896 3 года назад
I embrace you! Live your life meaningfully by honoring his memory...⭐ Don't give up!
@nurseamorly472
@nurseamorly472 4 года назад
That was one of the greatest TED talks I’ve ever listened to. The three tips she discussed were invaluable. She also speaks from a place of personal experience. I almost started to tear up, as she told her story, whilst all the time standing on that stage, tall and strong. Unless you live under a rock, Grief has, or will affect everyone of us at some time or another in life, and so we have no chose but to learn how to cope with it in a positive manner and continue on with a productive life- and that is the definition of resilience. Thank you so much Mrs Hone.
@brittanyvargas8
@brittanyvargas8 4 года назад
Taking control of things I can change and building resilience! Such a strong woman thank you for sharing your story and empowering us!!
@rmco6379
@rmco6379 4 года назад
I've loved, lost, parents at 19 and 29, and have gotten through it all,, but Lucy Hone will make the future moments of veering off in dramatic ways so much easier going forward. Bless her heart for being willing to share this. This needs to go viral especially with what the world is going through at this moment, that unexpected cliff where we're all hanging on with one hand. We'll all need to climb back up and once again appreciate the view. Thank you, Lucy Hone.
@khanyamazkhali6949
@khanyamazkhali6949 3 месяца назад
This talk helped me get out of bed this morning. I had not opened my curtains in days. "Don't lose what you have for what you have lost..." ❤🥰
@GS-st9ns
@GS-st9ns 4 года назад
Best talk on Grief yet. I have always considered myself resilient and I have had it reinforced watching this video. Oh watch it again because I'll share it with myself. And I am more accustomed to death than I am to life not disease, death.
@marinelalarsen3736
@marinelalarsen3736 3 года назад
Thank you for sharing ❤️ I lost my husband when our children were 3 and 5 years old. My sister lost her son when he was 13, leukemia, one year of fighting and suffering. So..... when I heard :"At least she wasn't suffering from some awful illnesses" I understood deeply and exactly what that means. Resilience.... when it comes just from our mind, it looks like this: there are tips numer 1, 2, 3.. to follow. And that can help, thare's nothing wrong with advices. But if it's only on mind level, it's just on surface. It will give temporary relief, many temporary relieves, but the wound will still be there and stay there until rest of our lives. That wound is visible, almost palpable here, in this video..five years after... Healing of that wound is not possible on mind level. That's hard to understand to people who are identified with their minds and believe that that's all there is. But then something like this happened, children just disappear one day in car accident. .. and that's beyond mind's reach. In desperate attempts to keep control, mind is continuing to fight on the old way. And call that "resilience". Deeper and more meaningful resilience comes from the place of understanding that people in our lives are not "ours", they don't belong to us. They just came to this world through us. The more we (our egos) think of them as "ours" the pain will be stronger. They were here for a moment, but they never belonged to us. They belonged to life itself. If we understand this on deeper level than surface (mind), it brings resilience without pain and fight and just temporary releases. It brings peace ❤️
@kylelassiter1044
@kylelassiter1044 3 года назад
She needed to summarize them at the end, preferably with a posting on screen for people who aren't verbal learned and to sum it up. GOOD talk.
@kathleensullivan6824
@kathleensullivan6824 4 года назад
A human being who truly makes a difference. ThankYou.
@isaesadiisa6408
@isaesadiisa6408 4 года назад
ome of the things i am writting on my "3 things to be thankfull for" for today, is crossing by a beautful strong women using her los to give hope to others. may Allah reward you and your family.
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