I once went on a date with a guy who went on a loooooong diatribe about how every man wants a 10, 10 being Beyoncé, but they can’t get a 10 or even a 9 or an 8, so they choose more ‘gettable’ 6’s or even 5’s. He said all this to me with an entirely straight face. I asked him where he would put himself on the numbering scale and he couldn’t answer. These men are out here just being wild and saying the most disgusting things. Needless to say I never saw him again.
This is all so strange. He just didn’t need to say it. He could’ve said, “Neither of us are perfect, but we’re perfect for each other.” When trying to be deep goes wrong 🤣🤣
Now, let the wives come out with the "he might not be the most financially stable and he might not have the biggest D**k but..." posts the streets are going to be in shambles
Its the thought that he wrote and re-wrote this several times and this was his perfect conclusion….to post….about someone he plans to marry. I’m mortified 😵💫🙄🥴🤦🏾♀️
It's like meeting a man and him saying to you: "Hi not so beautiful, I saw you across the room and decided to lower my standards..So dinner Friday? Your treat?" These dudes are ridiculous now 🙄
I suffered from major acne during my my early 20s. I eventually decided to see a dermatologist and my skin did a complete 180 for the better. My ex who I was dating at the time was looking at an old pic of me and committed on just how much my skin improved. He said something like “I was dating you despite all the acne. Atleast, you can’t say I ain’t loyal”. It was so offensive and sus 🤨 Fast forward to this past weekend. I’m having dinner with my friend and her fiancé. Her fiancé similarly had a lot of acne when they dated and has since cleared her skin. My friend dreamily said, “You know, I miss the acne because it reminded me of how you first looked when I fell in love with you” which was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. Two similar situations, but it’s obvious which one was genuine.
@@greenbyrd3665 Exactly!! And I think that’s the point when it comes to the guy in the video. He’s right in that realistically most people don’t marry the most beautiful or the most intelligent spouse. But I would NEVER voice that. No need in being ‘honest’ if it makes your partner feel terrible. Also, he’s the most average looking dude with below average character 😂 Like who is he to be judging?
@@amateurastronomer9752 the point that MANY aren't hitting (but is touched on a bit in this video) is that she IS beautiful and it's been proven through the diligence of SM that she is also intelligent-----this entire situation (and others resembling it) reeks of projection IMHO....
I think this man knows that his fiancé is more attractive and more intelligent than him. But he is intentionally trying to beat down her self-esteem, making her think she can't get a better man than him.
Exactly, like does he own a mirror because he is average looking at best, she looks way better and he knows it. He probably has been told it by people and got tired of hearing it, so he did this crappy letter, trying to make it seem like he is the catch and he settled when it’s clear that’s not the case.
He was trying trying be philosophical and it missed entirely. It is 100% true that our spouses aren't Rhodes Scholars nor supermodels. (Most of the world is average.) His wife ISNT the most most beautiful NOR is she the most intelligent, but we should all understand that it's not socially acceptable to say that publicly. The problem is that he said it online knowing how it would be perceived then got upset about the backlash.
Paris Milan here on YT being the wonderful investigative journalist she is pointed out two things about this in a recent video. 1) Her smarts attracted him to her. She is a mathematician/statistician and he posted to Facebook about how he was in awe of how she answered questions on the subject. 2) He knows how this post comes across because he replied to someone else’s tweet and said that it goes without saying that your girl should be the most beautiful TO YOU. He’s probably jealous of her in some capacity and wants this post to “humble” her. Weirdo.
Also because he pointed out that she’s not beautiful and not intelligent, but he chose her, she’s to be expected to be grateful for him and his love for choosing her regardless of “her flaws”. What a terrible manipulation tactic and power dynamic. Being grateful for being chosen can be very dangerous in the hands of the wrong partner.
He didn’t say she is not beautiful nor did he say she is not intelligent. He said she is not the most beautiful and not the most intelligent. And the same probably goes for him. He is probably not the most handsome and/or intelligent man she knows or even dated.
I married someone like this. He made me feel like I wasn't enough for him, like him being with me was an act of "mercy". He was the prize and I was the undeserving wife. Anyways, this is the tip of the iceberg. This usually points to hidden emotional abuse.
He was negging her!! She’s absolutely stunning and very intelligent. She got a first class degree in actuarial science. That’s no joke. When he first met her and she told him what she studied. Even though he doesn’t know jack about her course, he went online to get the most difficult math questions and gave it to her to solve lmao. Wtfff He knows she’s not on his level so he was trying to bring her down a notch. Btw, I’m Nigerian and you did okay with the name😂
One of many reasons I stopped dating years ago. There’s a lot of men out here who will get in to a relationship with you for the wrong reasons and there’s nothing worst then finding that out years later. I wish her nothing but the best. She’s absolutely stunning and he’s trying to passively belittle and humiliate her.
@@genevieveaniko6492 This is why I don’t believe in settling. An ugly/broke,etc. guy isn’t going to magically treat you better or make a better partner. Society just loves telling women that to push us in to partnering up.
See............. this is exactly why I don't believe in people settling. Looks matter and IF SOMEONE DOESN'T FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE, THEY NEVER REALLY WILL..............and someone saying "I like you in spite of how you look" will NEVER be a compliment
I don't think he should have posted it and I think it was rude, but my husband isn't the most attractive or smartest person I've ever dated either, however he's the guy I love the most and we have great attraction and chemistry ❗️ Also, looking at my husband's exes, I don't think I'm the most attractive person he ever dated either, lol. That doesn't mean we settled, though. Just because someone isn't the absolute best of the best doesn't mean you can't be wildly in love, average and below average looking people fall in love all the time. I just think there's certain things that don't need to be said out loud, or publicly. If you're in love with the person and attracted to them, there's no need to post the kinds of things he did.
@@DarthFurie yeah I was thinking that many women also date / marry men for their personality - however like Ohsteph Co said women are often valued in society by their looks, so his statement comes across harsher than if it were the other way round. I agree with what you said about some things not needing to be shared publicly and it’s lovely to read that you have found love 💫
@@DarthFurie I understand that internally or in a girl's talk.....but to say this to the world....you a got damn fool!!! ( Im not talking to you directly by saying you, Im speaking on the guy) Somethings you just keep to yourself........imagine posting your comment on Facebook at the beginning of yall marriage of your Fiancé phase.
He will eventually cheat if he gets some attention from or access to a woman he really am attracted to…… He would probably even leave her as well… I wouldn’t be surprised if she is the bread winner and that’s why he posted this to humble her and to make her stay in her perceived place…..
@@jennifer4780 I understand the point you're making but academic smarts and intelligence are not the same. I'm an HR exec and hard to learn that over a period of time. So many smart applicants/employees with little intelligence, so many intelligent applicants/employees with poor transcripts.
They're not making those post because they're enlightened. They make them because they are defending themselves. They genuinely don't find their partners attractive and believe that everyone else feels the same and will question/judge them right away. Thats what would make this an automatic dealbreaker for me. You have not really found this unexpected love that has transformed you, no no no, you actively think I'm ugly and feel that you need to explain yourself.
That’s what would be my issue with it. Anything you feel like you have to openly defend about me BEFORE you introduce me to someone, is obviously an issue for you. You don’t fully accept me so you are expecting others not to or care more about the fact that they wouldn’t accept me than about my feelings. That’s why I’m weary of men who go years without posting their significant others yet you are active on social media. You are not fully enthralled with her.
@@FuturePsychNurse and that’s fine because I don’t… but I still find it strange if you’re dating someone multiple years and even living with them, yet never post them. Those are the men I’m mostly referring to. That’s what makes me feel like they are still maybe just a placeholder. Then again, I also don’t envision dating a man multiple years and not being married. I’ve just seen to many cases of men being with women they really don’t want until they find a way out or a way in with who they truly desire.
This is EXACTLY IT. it's the fact he feels the need to EXPLAIN why he is with her to the masses. No body is questioning you bro and if they are they are cut from the same pathetic cloth as you. The sad reality is she needs to be explaining why SHE is with HIM. Smh.
Yikes. None of those men actually love those women. "I love you in spite of..." Is not love at all. You cannot discard whole chunks of a person to be able to truly love them. You do or you don't. Full stop. The fact that these men feel compelled to constantly point out what those women lack makes it evident that they are hung up on those things and they are trying hard to convince themselves that it's not an issue. They deny and deflect, but it's there.
Those are the same men who literally can’t pull the preferences because they’re broke. So they’ll use the smart chick for a come up and then give her kids and treat her like hell along the way. Then leave her and call her the bitter BM when he finally can marry the preference who will eventually take him for whatever little bit of money he has
*Scary theory: I think some men really marry out of pity & fear of being alone. Even if he apologize for this Scarlet letter, as a woman I would think all it takes is someone he's "really" attracted to and he is out the door. I will never understand how you can love someone & give offer them up to the world as a joke.*
I would say not some but a lot of men marry out of putty and fear of being alone. Especially older men in their 50’s. I had one tell me that he had to lower his standards when it came to looks and I believe it was because he’s in his late 50’s. While he looks amazing for his age (works out consistently) and his last gf is in her 30’s him and I both know his “type” for the most part won’t consider him due to age and some of the baggage he brings to the table. More than likely he will settle with a woman who may be nice but wont be his first choice. This happens a lot more than we realize.
@@FuturePsychNurse I thought men only increased their value as they aged amd attracted young women in droves...lol....to hear them tell it that's the case but I've always known better bc I was that young woman dodging them left and right. I married someone 2 years younger than me, never been attracted to older men.
@@FuturePsychNurse i mean, the woman is also lowering her standard or just using him for money if she go for a 50 year old man. There's nothing wrong with two people using each other.
I hate this so much. Reminds me of the time my ex-husband said to me while we were hanging out at a bar “you’re not the prettiest woman in the world but you certainly are the prettiest woman here.” I reacted strongly to it, which of course he didn’t understand and even when I was able to calm down later and try to explain to him why what he said was so messed up he still didn’t understand and that kind of behavior with not taking my feelings seriously went on for five more years. Looking back on it now I still can’t believe the toxic things he said or did that I tried to teach him to do better with instead of just walking away. Smdh
This might be far-fetched, considering I don't know these people, but this man reminds me of my narcissistic ex and the type of backhanded compliments he would give me. He was obsessed with subtly trying to 'humble' me and remind me that he could do better but he is 'choosing' to be with me. If my fiancé told me this, or wrote this about me, I would call off the engagement. Anyone with any emotional intelligence would know that this is a completely unnecessary thing to tell your partner, unless you were trying to manipulate them.
Ehhh understandable but there are other people with that shared name who did nothing and deserve their names pronounced if able to. Steph was right to be respectful since she understandbly didn't know the pronunciation.
@@aesanonymous8936 Can you focus on the subject at hand and not your false offense about a name pronunciation! You're literally taking on an offense for people you don't even know. It really doesn't matter how she says his name because HE is the won who committed the offense and does not deserve the respect of correction. All those people who may share the same name as his will just need to not slip there foot in a shoe that isn't meant for them! You are looking for something to be offended at when you need to be offended that this man insulted his wife!
@@choconethotcoco4717 I'm not even offended nor am I the one who even made it a point of discussion that was OP. I defended her decision to be respectful of the name but rightfully criticise the person. If you want to talk about staying on topic maybe talk to the original poster of this thread I just responded to one person. I never said I disagreed with any of that so stop the projection lmao
@@choconethotcoco4717 he's clearly a bad person I'm trying to understand where I took away from that by agreeing we should respect ethnic names? I didn't so go shout at someone else🧠
Men choose women primarily on looks and if they think they've settled for less than a 10, they're be embarrassed in front of other men. This embarrassment means they will be desperate to justify their choice, even if it means humiliating her in the process. Either this, or he feels inferior to her and feels the need to take her down a peg or two.
Thank you for sharing your take on this. I truly appreciate how you noted that it’s not just “oh women are mad because they are ugly” it’s literally the curse that comes with it. People think ugly women don’t deserve love, options, opportunities, and respect. I see people in the comments bringing up short men or broke men, but those men still get chosen too. Men are allowed to be fat, ugly, poor, dumb, reckless, terrible partners, and bad humans and they still are afforded grace. That’s all I want is some grace. It’s so sad to see men in the comments being like “WELL HE’S JUST TELLING THE TRUTH SHES NOT BEAUTIFUL OR SMART” because that just shows me you haven’t been in love before. When you are in love with someone they are the most beautiful to you and outside opinions don’t matter.
the real question is why do women continue showing grace to a group of people who never return the favor? No one is forcing women to date short, fat, ugly, poor, or reckless men.
Women are also part of the problem, thinking that dating an undesirable man gives them some kind of moral high ground. 🙄 I will not be congratulating these women for doing charity work and rationalizing their love for these kinds of men. Men have grace, because of desperate women.
Solomon posting that message wasn’t to teach the lesson about loving someone despite of her face/aesthetics…… It was about apologizing to other males specifically BM …. Of why he didn’t wife up a PREFERENCE… (non-black women) I would guest that him posting this message was a underline admittance of not being able to get the Becky of his dreams… so he is settling on the sister… Possibly not enough money and little’D’ energy….🤷🏽♀️
@@sunmisolaojo6447 Unfortunately, that's often not enough for Nigerians. I went to school with a Nigerian man who freaked out before his marriage because his soon to be wife was "only" a nurse. He ended up marrying her, but she is now pursuing her PhD. It's never enough for their culture.
@@5heartsssss You obviously know nothing about Nigerians then. The ultimate sign of "I made it" is moving to the UK or US and marrying a white person. Colorism runs VERY deep there. The lighter skinned you are, the prettier you are considered. Hence why whitening creams are so popular.
There's another incident where the new bride overheard her husband on a group phone call discussing her unattractiveness, dark complexion and how she was a down grade from his ex.
Exactly. Chrissie did a really good breakdown of that but I believe she shouldn't settle because if a man doesn't find you attractive, he might cheat once he gets the opportunity
Furthermore .. why did he feel so compelled to tell the world.. “yeah I don’t think she’s pretty .. she’s not beautiful but I’m with her for other reasons”. Do you want a pat on the back or a humanitarian award ??? You aren’t doing her a favor.
I believe this goes beyond the usual misogynoir when BM do this backhanded compliment thing to women they claim to love. I'm sure by now, most BW over 25 already understand that older BM train the younger generation on how to attack the self-esteem of BW and girls (if nothing else). That's why they say the same rude, gaslighting nonsense no matter what part of the USA they're from. When you compare notes with other BW from different parts of the country, which the internet has made extremely easy, you cannot help but recognize that what is being said and done by them is not just calculated but organized and ongoing; perhaps, for generations. You will notice that in every single case - whether it's a FB post or a video , the man is *never* more attractive (by any objective standard) than the woman he 'settled for'. The women are usually FAR more attractive than the men. This is not a coincidence. This is a way to neg their wives into believing that they can't do better than them. What surprises, and annoys me, is that these tactics continue to work on so many BW who should know better in 2022. 🤦🏾♀
@@nl4822 because if colonialism, majority of African men don’t find the phenotype on our continent as beautiful! If the man is North African, their standard of beauty is the blond pale skinned European type; whereas sun Saharan Africa finds the lightest skinned mixed phenotype as beautiful… and it runs in the majority black Caribbean countries as well! Same with Asian countries and Including India! If you are dark skinned and a woman, our society don’t find you beautiful. I don’t know how these European people managed to mess up our mind… is very sad! Meanwhile in Europe as far as you are slender and thin they find you attractive
@@veeabroad4237 Just because he didn’t say so verbatim doesn’t mean that it was implied. My comment was meant for those who understand implications and underlining meaning. This man wanted to humble her in the nicest way possible.
@@Goddess_Infinity you said "he literally just called her ugly and stupid" which he did not do though. that's all I am saying. I am not defending him. Just making sure that we're not misconstruing what was said.
The woman in question is extremely beautiful though, very pretty and elegant, educated! It’s giving toxic, trying to put her down because he actually knows how great she is and he’s hoping that she doesn’t know it
This person is so condescending with his "I know what love is" posturing makes it obvious he doesn't. So hauty. Very mean and punishing. He definitely has no idea what love is. Poor woman she really got an awful one. He's not even aware of his flaws how can he grow?
My ex husband used to tell me something along those lines. He would tell me that between two people in a relationship one person is always better looking, he would follow that up with he didn't want to wake up to a perfectly beautiful woman every morning. He also liked to remind me nearly every day that he could be with any woman he wanted and I would never find a man like him. I am still confused about how I could ever be with someone that would tell me that🤦🏿♀️
There are women with this mentality toward other women as well. A lady told me that I was lucky to have my husband since he is a good looking man. She has no idea how lucky my husband who is on the narcissistic spectrum is to have me. There are also women who thought they could flirt with my husband in front of me. I usually just walk away and leave him to handle it. He knows not to mess with me in that way and usually just runs behind me; if I did not know my worth, he'd devalue me in the same way his dad does with his mom. We just need to be enough for ourselves. I am so sorry that that woman is subjected to this broken man. He would not put that out there were he whole.
@@Lastdayone We all know what we can manage. For now, I have a child on the autism spectrum and three other children whom I homeschool. My husband works and provides so that I can be with our kids. He has his ways (grandiose sense of self, etc.), but I am able to cope while taking care of our little ones. But for them, I would not be with him. As I mentioned, he is on the spectrum which means he has tendencies. The issues I deal with involve the withholding of affection and gaslighting. I was broken and had no idea what I was dealing with at the beginning of the relationship. Also, most people are ignorant of narcissistic behavior, so friends who were advising me thought he was perfect; these were some of the same friends who thought they could get flirty with him. I definitely had issues involving anger when I felt victimized (from child abuse). As I began educating myself, I worked on me , and I am in a much healthier place. The most powerful thing I learned is that no one makes you angry; it is always a choice. I made my bed hard and now I am coping for my kiddos. I have no support and no family, so I have to be careful. For now, I am able to deal, and things are alright most of the time. I'd rather deal with what I am doing now than coparent--yikes! Yes, I do know my value. Maybe things will change, and maybe they won't. It is not always that easy to leave.
I just want to commend you on your amazing sense of self, your self awareness, and your confidence. God is using you, sweetheart. You have so much more good things coming to you in life. Believe that.
He is a life coach and she is an actuary. She is absolutely gorgeous and he is definitely not an Idris. He knows she settled he is projecting his own insecurities.
My old neighbor told me that when she was dating her husband, her mother in law asked her then boyfriend if she was pretty. Her husband said no, but she is nice. The must up part about it is that her mother in law told her that. smh. She could have kept that to herself
@@sodamnsexy16 I dont think you have to think your partner is pretty, cute or handsome. JayZ's 'worth' in his marriage to Bey is not his attractiveness yet nobody questions why she is with him. If he had a not stunning wife, however, there would be questions galore. You can see that in discussions about LeBron's wife and many other women who look good, look like regular ppl rather than pinup models. Your wife doesn't have to be pretty to be your love.
In all honesty this is exactly why I don’t date at all anymore. I don’t consider myself one that meets our society’s beauty standards but I’m happy to have come to a place where I am happy and content with who I am and the body I live in. I’m genuinely scared of having to deal with a man who will probably use my flaws against me or reason to feel lucky that I’m chosen by a man. Gone are the days when people had genuine respect and love for others and knew that love sees beyond the exterior of others. We live in an extremely ugly society that seems to normalise toxic narcissist tendencies.
This. There's this guy who says that I am the most important person on his life and we were friends first and now he wants to date me and yet he has told me twice how society standards don't matter and how my intelligence is more important to him than other girls beauty. Like boyyy why do you want to date me if you don't even find me attractive. I initially felt bad for not talking to him anymore but now I am sure that I made the right decision
This video makes me sad because it’s so accurate. This reminds me of the woman who overheard her husband talking about her looks to his friends, one of whom was an ex, I believe. They had the nerve to ask if he’s ok with the fact that she doesn’t look like the women he’s used to dating and he said something like, “you can’t have it all”….. smh. What kind of answer is that? But as you said, you never hear of a woman writing some apologetic crap about why she picked a man who’s balding or can’t keep a job.
Cackling at "balding and can't keep a job". But honestly, I think women do talk about the failings of their man with their close girlfriends and some family members, maybe 3 people. They don't go around posting it around the internet or telling randoms about it. That's the difference.
Had her response been, "Even though you only have three inches and no rhythm, I love you too," they would have dragged her ass across the internet. Yet it's the same sentiment.
I bet that IS her response... also... 'your breath is funky, your pockets could be A LOT deeper, and I'm secretly on the pill because F having any of your big-headed babies any time soon... but smooches bae, love you'
This is actually my first time hearing about this. And wow this man screams narracistic, gaslighting abuser he said so much more about himself and the type of person he is than he could ever say about the woman he was trying to hurt. Ooooh chile anytime we think we missing out on something and trying to rush into situationships. Let stuff like this always be brought to remembrance. I will prefer deeply to never be in a romantic relationship than to have to deal with some BS like this.
Doesn't he think she knows and we know she's not the most beautiful woman on earth nor the smartest woman to exist? Couldn't he have instead talked about the way he made her feel? What he misses about her? Her inner beauty? Her gifts? How blessed he feels to have her? I mean why he had to make that announcement, idk. If she would've said he wasn't the best or biggest lover she had, then she'd be a jerk.
I cannot even with talking about human beings as having 'value'...it makes me physically ill. Humans deserve to be spoken about with respect and love just for being alive, you don't have to earn it! You can absolutely lose that privilege, but all of us are born with a birth right of basic respect in the pursuit of anything...love, companionship, sex, or friendship. I hope everyone gets to a place where they know they are worthy of good things regardless of what this jank society tries to push on them.
Agree with the analysis. I'd add that this is one of the key problems with social media. Not everyone needs to be given a platform. Not everyone has good things to say or the skills to communicate them effectively.
Saw this as well. A former co-worker had said something similar about his soon-to-be-wife. He was good looking and she, didn't necessarily fit the beauty standard but I wouldn't classify her as ugly but lots of our co-workers had pointed that out. (that he was better looking than she was) He said he was marrying her for her heart. He ended up cheating on her with someone from another department. A woman or man may not fit the beauty standard but their partner should find them attractive and if they don't, and proceed to post that online, well they might as well call off the wedding imo. How would you be married to someone you are not attracted to?
Can we also talk about the fact that the man’s wife was LEAPS and BOUNDS more attractive than him? Entitled Mediocre men who feel they deserve better than what they bring to the table isn’t discussed enough. We focus on the women too much.
I’m looking at her pics and I’m like Wowwwwww she’s absolutely beautiful 😍 there’s nothing “wrong” with her looks-wise. He’s definitely tripping. I heard she got masters degrees too 😯 so I’m confused by his not intelligent statement… 🤔
Yes to all of this except for the Cori situation. Her boyfriend made disgusting colorist statements in the past and he didn’t even speak out to defend her in the recent situation. I believe he’s an opportunist.
Ppl said Snoop Dogg's daughter's boyfriend is a colorist. They said he had many posts online saying he'd never date a dark skin woman. I don't know if it's true, but ppl should leave ppl alone. It's her life. How rude to say that to someone.
She should also write an honest declaration of her love for him; with the emphasis on honest. Be sure to include every flaw down to the smallest detail. End it by telling him that she loves him deeply, in spite of all that is wrong with him!
They feel the need to announce it, because they feel like they settled. Men feel the need to let their people know the WHY he settled in the looks department since that’s what they think all their boys care about. It’s literally a disclaimer
I remember a male friend telling me 'she's not the prettiest, but I love her' about a woman he'd just started dating about 7 year ago. They're still together and have a kid, not married, and I've never forgotten he said that.
@@afroaffirmations my childhood friend married and when I told him happy married life, he said oh I only married her for a citizenship. Just one day after marriage he told me that. He had earlier pursued me for marriage but I’m not a marriage fan. What he said blew my mind. He’d also post every other woman but his wife. Idk just baffling
The letter is so shaming & sad. I feel so sad for his wife. Do they have children? If she pushed his kids out, that should make her beautiful. Does she cook, clean & fulfill your desires? Does she love you & there for you when you're sick or down? I don't get it, how could he say that to his wife.... And his wife was beautiful!
As a young guy who is trying hard to unravel all the toxic masculinity and hegemonic traits I was taught to be, at 1st I didn’t see why what that dude wrote was bad. But after listening to you and reading the comments I kinda get it now. Like honoring your partner by saying “ohh she ugly but she got a brain on her” is so devaluing. And I can’t sit here and lie and say I never said something like that before. Honestly I hate being this way, I hate feeling like I have to compete with other guys for resources, women, status etc. I just want to be like how you are, you seem comfortable with yourself no matter what. I envy that. I’m still stupid young but I truly don’t know how to look at women any other way besides in that patriarchal framework. Get the most beautiful women in the world. You win. And I’m in a relationship and I’m dating a highly desired women and I see the difference of treatment I get being alongside her. It’s validating/makes you feel better about yourself, like you’re better than other guys. Which we are taught to care about being. But it shouldn’t be about that right? I don’t want to keep being this type of person, and I’m not looking for sympathy (well maybe a lil lbs) but rather education on how to treat/honor/look at women in general In a respectful manner. Because honestly most of us dudes are brought up to think like this, it ain’t natural to be this way. But yeah this a dumb vulnerable comment but I really appreciate what you doing for the world and people like me who are trying to change. Being misogynistic, and “alpha-Maley” is awful but I think most of us dudes don’t know any other way to be. No real tangible alternative. And I feel like you are contributing to some type of an alternative. Thank you.
Recognising and trying to be better is a great first step! I also don’t know how young you r but if you still at school this attitude of winning/fitting in is in steroids there and later it’s less so. Also I don’t know if you watch Dr K on healthy gamer channel but he has lots of tips for stuff like this. Good luck :)
Putting God first keeps me in check on issues of vanity, perceived scarcity, and the need for validation from others. I know..."we live in a society" but we gotta balance the flesh but putting the spirit first. I encourage you to keep listening to sound opinions that widen your perspective and I highly recommend R.E.Dossett's channel (to everyone).
Not necessarily connected but it reminds me somehow of Chris Rock's stand-up where he said - a man is only faithful as his options - imagine if you view your partner as your second option, you'll likely to cheat on them for the 'women' of your dreams
These men will reject you because you're not Beyonce, then if their fairy God mother were to grant them the opportunity of being with Beyoncé, they would spend the rest of their relationship telling Beyonce she's average at best. 😩😂 🤕🤒 Whew...These menz's. P.S. HE NOT EVEN CUTE LIKE... * scratches in between braids*
Best does not equate to perfection! Nobody is going to have all of the qualities you want in a partner but you don't profess your love to your significant other and simultaneously pick apart their character.
But why not?? It’s our individual responsibility to do our own shadow work, we should all be making an active effort to identify the areas in which we fall short, if someone professes there love to you, referring to you as flawless and perfect, would you truly feel seen and appreciated for you, for who you are fully?? Yeah, it’s a nice ego boost but don’t you see how this can apply pressure on people. He never called her ugly, he never called her stupid, that’s what Steph assumed he was trying to say, but I don’t think that was what he was trying to say at all… we live in a world where people are not just looking for someone they are attracted to but someone that is considered objectively attractive…( bare in mind what we perceive as objective truths are fundamentally subjective in and of itself) but we live in a world with over 7billion people and the average American will encounter only approximately 10,000 people in their life time, if the best for you is your standard you will constantly find things that’s discredit your decision, because it is a human disposition to be dissatisfied with your current circumstances, it’s the premise for all development and progress ever made…I think if you ask a person who is in a long term relationship, they too would be able to establish that the commitment was what keeps them together, the commitment offers a boundary to choice, but a boundary that you set for yourself, he’s not saying she’s the best but he is saying that she is “good enough” and isn’t that the definition of perfectly imperfect? At least it is to me…personally I think what he said was really well articulated, and I would appreciate hearing that, I would feel a lot of security in that relationship…
@@toriawilliams7903 I understand your sentiment, but there's no point telling the whole world about your perceived failings of your partner (or friend or child etc). All he need to say is 'im very happy we are loyal and committed to each other'. Or, he can say ' WE are not the most beautiful, the most intelligent, the most perfect humans, but we are perfect for each other and our commitment to achieve perfection together' because the wordings make it seems like he can get really beautiful and intelligent woman, as if he's the most handsome and intelligent man that other women are salivating over.
@@syasyaishavingfun fair enough, however I don’t know how many people hold his perspective as a realistic expectation for a committed relationship…it’s great if a lot of people do… but I think that that was the purpose of making the post public… to manage expectations and take people away from this idealistic perception of perfectly imperfect, that’s his job, he’s a life coach after all, isn’t he showing his clients how their desired outcomes might not manifest themselves in a way they might have considered… but considering how many people assumed that he thought his wife was ugly because he said she’s not the most beautiful, it shows me that it’s not so common knowledge… just because the cake isn’t the sweetest, doesn’t mean it’s bitter…that cake could still very well be really sweet… and have the perfect amount of sweetness for YOU😌
My problem with his statement is that in saying that she's not the most beautiful woman, he shows that he is comparing her to some standard of beauty that he would prefer. This man (if you can call him that) and all others of his ilk are ball and chained to the superficial and the physical. They're trash, and I hope these women put two wheels to their heels and get out. I loved your explanation about the game. I've never heard that before, but it makes so much sense. I truly enjoyed your breakdown.
I’m watching this and I am like WTF mostly because I am old (46) and have been out of the dating scene for quite some time. Our society is so broken even though I know this isn’t new, just more amplified. I’ve been married for a long time. It’s fine to be initially attracted to someone, but true lasting relationships flourish due to a myriad of factors that have absolutely nothing to do with looks. If my husband ever uttered anything akin to what these misogynistic small minded men blasted to the world he would be kicked to the f’ing curb so fast he wouldn’t know what hit him. My value isn’t tied to my appearance. I know it and he better damn well know it too.
Same here! And I'm older than you btw lol. When I hear this stuff I'm flabbergasted and can't help but think that things are so much worse than they were before. But then again, we didn't have internet/social media so I don't know...
I wouldn’t want a man to be with me if he doesn’t think I the best looking or bright. He ultimately saying he settled. I don’t want someone to settle for me. Why did he even approach to begin with.
Is it just me or is anybody else hoping she dumps him🤚🏿 Also does he own a mirror because that neck beard ain't it and his face is giving a 5 while his personality is giving a 2
The way I interpreted is that he settled for her. No one should feel like they’ve been settled for. Of course beauty and intelligence is subjective, but for someone your committed to , if YOU don’t find them beautiful or intelligent why be with them.
Exactly. At the start of COVID I was in the early phases of dating with a black man who lives with and provides for 3 generations of women in his family. Even adopted a young female family member. The situation sounded admirable at first. But his demeanor was low key feminine. He was wayyy too interested in cosmetic procedures, wigs, and makeup. And when I called him out on his back handed compliments his response was “I know niggas gas you up all day I gotta find a way to stand out.” Many black women mistake this weird bickering for connection and feel bored when they get with a non-black man who doesn’t do this stuff. Not me 🤢
Haven't dated one in 2 years but BM are still on your mind enough to post about them in a comment section. Talk about living rent free in your head. Y'all gotta work through your trauma issues and see people as people.
@@Nekole1 Uhhh no. Did that actually make sense to you as you typed it out? I responded to HER post about BM. I'm not the one voicing my disdain for BM while simultaneously and ironically displaying that I'm really obsessed with them, so how exactly are they in MY head rent free when MY response wasn't even about them but the original poster? 🤨 Some of y'all are just as bad as the women-hating men of the manosphere, and it's ridiculous at this point. Point still stands though. See people as just people and let some of that heaviness go. Trust me it's freeing af! 😁You'll get where I'm coming from eventually even if you don't understand it today. It will eventually click. I'm certain. 😊✌🏽
Solomon Buchi has finally tripped himself up. This is what happens when you get used to telling people how to live without a lot of push back - you stop critically reviewing your own ideas.
This guy is Nigerian. (This is also why intelligence was mentioned. Nigerians are often incredibly snobby about education level.) I hate to say this, but culturally many Nigerians think being cold, rude, and abrasive is totally okay. They are also a hyper religious culture that puts men high above women. Have you seen the comment section on his Instagram post? Everyone is cheering him on and telling him what he said was good. No shame or embarrassment. Just noses higher in the air.
🤣 She allegedly has Masters level education. She is also more attractive than he is. Also, not all Nigerians are in favour of his bs so unless Nigerian, relax
@@CatEyeGem "only" a Masters level education (see my comment about my Nigerian colleague who freaked out before his wedding that his fiancé was "only" a nurse lol) and not having the perfectly curved and endowed body isn't acceptable for Nigerian men who consider themselves above everyone. The only way they will settle for less if it's a white woman. Shameful.
@@cmw1336 A master's isn't that impressive to them. It's okay, but it's settling (hence, his comment on her intelligence). She's also beautiful, but doesn't have the perfect curves and endowed hourglass Naija men covet (hence, his comment on her looks). Annie Idibia, Nollywood star, just came out and complimented him for saying what he said. They're know-it-alls. Buchi won't ever apologize and many more are defending him. It's just crazy.
I hope she divorced him right after. No man that loves his bride would start off their proclaim of love by calling her “not the most beautiful or the most intelligent”. That’s literal keywords for “you’re not the woman I wanted but I’m settling for you because I love you”. That’s 10000% grounds to immediately divorce him after cause who would want a love like that? Who would want to be married to a man that doesn’t value her as she is and not because in his eyes he had to “settle”.
There is just an epidemic with black men and their blatant hate for black women. If she's "ugly" why did you marry her? Than proclaim your love in the most horrid and humiliating way. What is going on in their heads? They need therapy and some behavioral counseling.
Please stop giving this dude attention, he is just trying to be the next Kevin Samuels. Since his death a lot of men are trying to fill the "void" in the manosphere.
Thank you for your thoughts on this. I agree completely and would like to add something onto this specific dynamic (Black Africans in long distance relationships where one partner is abroad (supposedly doing better) than the other). There are many many Black African men who hold on very tightly to the concept of them being the breadwinner, the sole providers, the ones who need to earn the most, be the smartest in the household because that is the only way they know to have control. Once this is taken away from them, they often cannot cope with it and resort to abuse, violence and other means of harm on their partners. In this specific case, she lives and works in the UK and he in Nigeria (if I'm correct). She is highly educated (as far as I could see more than he is), and to me, more attractive than he is. This means that perhaps in his mind, he feels threatened by her. Because of this threat, he feels the need to humble her, to downplay her attractiveness, to downplay her intelligence and to exaggerate that it is HE who CHOSE her when perhaps no one else did. It's a form of abuse that is insidious and that I have experienced in relationships. I hope he learns (although recent tweets/posts by him state otherwise), or else I hope she decides to take off the rose-coloured glasses and see the red flags.
Thank you for explaining this! I just wrote a question to someone else who mentioned that this was cultural behavior and I was trying so hard to understand!
I simply don't understand why these men do not possess the humility to understand that this myth of perfection in female beauty is tied to their own myth of perfect health, virility, wealth making capability etc. They could be struck down with an illness perhaps a month after the wedding and would they expect the wife to make a similar arrogant statement masquerading as a love note???? Why couldn't he say "im not the handsomest and etc " BEFORE he started to categorise her as not the prettiest. Has he never looked in a mirror? She has and I'm sure she knows exactly that he is not the most handsome etc". Men appear to be utterly deluded at all ages and all spectrums. They either believe they are hideous (& this from western, well fed, well medicated vaccinated teenagers who ever never witnessed what their full bellied selves could imagine is reality in terms of what healthy versus surviving for many of the developing world) or they believe they are exceptional versions of humanity 🤔.
Wish she could respond, you are neither the smartest, most handsome, or richest guy in the world, yet I find myself here. As much as I know I can do a lot better, I choose to commit to you, sorry as you are, cause my heart is that big. To us. 😊
The thing I find ironic is that he is not a high-value man and is far from attractive. Who is he to talk? I would give him a 3 or a 4. She is more attractive (he's punching for sure)...it's the audacity
This is beyond sad 😞 you don’t speak on someone you’re in love with in such a lowly and passive aggressive manner. Shame on him for being so audacious with his stupidity and arrogance. We are all to blame - we put misguided masculinity on a pedestal and praise the wrong qualities in people.
“Not the most beautiful nor the most intelligent.” I’m not sure why he thought that was the best thing to say or write ✍️. There’s all sorts of people that make this world 🌎. I would not like this but maybe she doesn’t mind. Idk 🤷🏽♀️. Ijs.🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️💯
Another example that will always stay in my mind besides Corey and her boyfriend is when Usher married Tameka Foster. I was young at the time I could not understand the collective outrage at a man who choose his own wife and saw value in what others didn’t think he should .
In the 90's people would say "oh, that person is out of your league" meaning they are too beautiful for you, or have a higher social status, or whatever. I don't think we can ever escape this idea within society. Too many people thirsting to belittle others. I miss the old saying "if you cant speak good, remain silent" or better known as "if you cant say something nice, don't say anything at all".
It's terrifying because it opens a door to abuse, especially if she came into the relationship with certain insecurities or trauma around her value. What other ways will he embarrass and degrade her publicly? I had an ex who did things like this to control me and my behavior, it can be so isolating. This honestly can't be corrected, you end up being a slave to his ego. I'd have to just cut my losses and get out before children get involved, because best believe he'll do this mess to them too.
