Modern Dating Isn't Hard For Everyone.. And That's Exactly The Problem 

I think the thing that bothers me the most about men's commentary on women who have not been successful with romance is their insistence that you're getting what you deserved because you friendzoned 5,000 guys. That's just not the case for all of us. No one was interested in me in high school. I didn't go on a single date in college. When I graduated from college I spent my twenties yearning for romance and to start a family. It didn't happen for me . I got married at 50. I don't regret it, but just because so many men are apparently willing to have sex with any warm body doesn't mean that they are willing to create a relationship with any warm body. And most of all, it doesn't mean that every woman has an army of men just waiting to approach her for sex, romance or marriage.

When life hasn’t occurred in alignment with your desires, it is called life. The whole “manifest” movement leads people to believe that they deserve/are entitled to something JUST b/c they want it. This often leads to depression and discontentment when you inevitably realize that you don’t really control anything, not even the air you breathe. It’s LIFE not a romcom. Accept that you may not get some of the things you want, and get on with living and adding something valuable to humanity.

Dating is hard in general IF you’re looking for a mate not a hookup. Hookups are easy to find but a meaningful relationship is hard to find. Those relationships take time and the investment is a lot of time and effort.

Dating is definitely hard for women today and people who say it’s not are delusional.They say date less attractive men but they can be jerks too.I’m not trying to offend anyone but oftentimes the women who always have a man have low to no standards.If you have standards dating will be harder for you.

I'm 32 and just got ghosted by a 49 year old man. I'm seriously done. I can't do it anymore. I thought he'd be mature and a lot more serious than others but no, he was worse. I cant actually believe it. I've deleted the apps and I'm done. I cant emotionally continue, it beyond embarrassing. I told people about him! Its getting humiliating now 😅

This topic is so incredibly sensitive and painful to me. I've tried - God knows I've tried. I haven't been perfect, but I've tried. I'm genuinely sad and scared of what lies ahead.

My aunt married her husband ~40 and had both of her kids mid-40s. They are very happy. She is sweet and has always taken great care of herself.

At 57, I've come to embrace the unique path my life has taken. The realization that marriage and family wouldn't be part of my story was a difficult one. I found peace in creating boundaries, even if it meant spending less time with family. My life is full, rich, and mine alone. Everyone's path is different. I've embraced my life and it would take someone truly exceptional for me to disturb my peace.

Dating is absolutely horrendous and seems to only be getting worse. I never had super horrible experiences but it was never fun for me. I pretty much gave up on it when I met my husband at age 34 in another country. We got married a few days before my 37th birthday, and just had my first baby still age 37. My 38th birthday is next week!

You make really good points! People who complain about dating are always invalidated. I hate the phrase “choose better” or “love will come to you when you least expect it” it’s just gaslighting

I’ve definitely gotten to the place where I truly believe “if not this life then the next”. I was such a late bloomer and have a lot of past trauma and issues that really hurt dating for me. I’ve grieved, still do because the disappointment is strong, but I’ve accepted this. I’m still living, I still have a lot going for me, but the acceptance of possibly never finding a deep true love does set you free in a strange way. Sending a lot of love to everyone experiencing this 💕

I’ve prayed and “manifested” about meeting my person since I was a teen. I’m 31 now and have never had a real relationship and I just don’t think I’m going to. I’m so glad you touched on this! No one wants to say it out loud.

It's a combination of readiness and luck. Some aspects are within a person's control, and some are not. There are definitely things people can do to increase their odds- still, timing is a thing of its own

I think the reason why people often refuse to believe that the person who’s struggling isn’t doing anything necessarily wrong is because people have seen the worst of worst get coupled up so it HAS TO BE something you’re doing wrong

I can tell you as a woman of a certain age, I fully understand and agree with you. People want to believe that everything always works out for the best. That's not true. Sometimes you don't get what you want...and then you die. Try to enjoy life even when you're grieving that lack of your soul's desire.

Girl…did you say your Dad says all you have to do is put on some capri pants, get a bob hairstyle, take your Bible and go sit down and you will find a man?!?! I laughed out loud for real, but I think you really are serious. I would love to hear more about this.

I held onto this one for a bit. As someone who is trying to be in her unproblematic era lol, there are subjects I like staying away from if I can. But I felt passionately about this one, so here we go. Thanks for watching :)

This perspective is really comforting for me actually. After doing so much work on myself I still haven't seen positive changes in my love life. It's so exhausting when people tell you to keep working on yourself or that you're not seeing the results you want because of some supposed internal problem you have. There's only so much work I can do. Sometimes things just don't happen the way we want, and that's not our fault

I honestly think getting married is just good timing and the right circumstances so in other words luck and chance. I am married with a baby in the way and the dating scene was horrific before I got married. My husband just so happened to be a childhood friend who we circled back and found each other again. Had we tried to be serious in our early 20s we both agree it would’ve NEVER worked. My cousin got married after never going out and living in the middle of nowhere where to a man who just so happened to be working on her house lol so in a way he just fell into her lap. Good timing and chance. I really don’t think there’s any rhyme or reason to any of this. 😅

IMHO, much of the Spiritual talk and teachings that’s been seen over the last several years is basically SPIRITUAL GASLIGHTING! It’s all about what you haven’t done to create the life you wanted - you haven’t prayed, meditated, lit the right candles, bought this course, gave this amount of money, etc…even though you know you’ve done everything in your power…anyway, I’m so glad you noticed and spoke on this 🙏🏽

Not about relationships, about the job market. But same general vibe. Whenever I complain online about the job market being hard, without fail, someone will always comment that I must be too stupid to get a job in the field I studied for and I should have studied something else and it’s all my fault and I should hang my head in shame and lick my wounds and be grateful. I’m not talking about the people who give advice I’ve already tried. It’s annoying, but they mean well. I’m talking about the people who leave hate-filled, vitriolic comments to someone just harmlessly posting about something that doesn’t affect them. People out here are wild. I don’t think it’s that they don’t know how to respond to suffering. I think they just like the cruelty.

It’s the validating my own story for me!!! People, family included, always wanna make me feel like I somehow overlooked my husband and or it’s just my fault somehow. While I know darn well I would NEVERRRRRR have passed on a good man 💨

“And then he robbed me!” I legit laughed out loud 😂.

I think a super painful reality that most people don’t wanna acknowledge is lot everybody will fivd a life partner. Some people will never get married or have kids in a CNA and I’ve seen countless people die alone. Once you acknowledge that and come to terms with that and understand it’s ok, I think is as society places too much importance on romantic relationships , once you come to terms with this reality things become much easier

You will be at peace once you learn that you can't control the way of life. You can't force relationships and once you come to terms that some people aren't going to get their fairytale ending, you will learn to let go.

as a 24 year old I find myself somewhat like how you were in your mid twenties basically feeling frantic, lost, and like an outlier. I have asked myself so many times what is wrong with me. I have lost weight, gained weight, changed how I do my makeup, change what I wear and still I am single - I've been ghosted/played and it makes me feel like no matter what I am not good enough. I still have a tiny bit of hope I will find my husband but for now I am waving the white flag. and it does not help when non black people who are in relationships are like just try hinge like honey my experience on hinge is going to be so different than yours. I see how many likes I get with my natural hair being my main photos vs weaves and wigs. it just feels like a game I cannot win and I am not voluntarily allowing myself to be beaten up by the apps. I do not get approached at the store, on the train, in a restaurant (yes I take myself out to eat alone), or the rare occasions I go out for drinks with friends. no matter what I feel invisible.

From what I've gathered, most of the men are looking for someone to use; and most of the women are looking for love. I realized that a lot of ppl who found "love" rushed into a relationship/marriage and are either currently miserable or divorced.

For me, it’s hard when someone your age or older (men and women) are like “girl, give it up. You’re how old? Ha! If it hasn’t happened it ain’t happening. You’re expired.” I see this a lot and it’s worse than supposed false hope. It makes me feel stupid I’m out here longing for something that I should just give up on. But I related hard to this video.

modern dating is so hard for me, i get stuck in situationship and after situationship despite my directness with new potential partners. atp i have no idea how to get into/be in a committed relationship but im still trying to hold out hope

It’s not your fault Steph, love Is luck and the majority of men are not husband material. You’re an amazing woman, love your videos ❤

So appreciate this video. I’m child free not by choice but by circumstance, and it hurts. But… it hasn’t ruined my life. It just looks different than I’d hoped. It’s a hard road though. Compassion and love to everyone in this tough situation.

I think you can sometimes confuse 'gets more attention' with 'less difficult'. There are definitely men and women who get more attention, dating wise. Absolutely. But I have seen no correlation between 'gets a lot of attention' and 'has a healthy relationship'. I have friends who are professional models. They are by far the most insecure about their looks out of any women I know. Also, for plenty of women, lots of male attention can make one feel hunted and objectified. I used to get a lot of attention. I got older, and get way less attention now. I enjoy myself much more now. Because there's less creeps interrupting my day, there's no eyes watching me on the train, I just get to be.....me easier. And while I could get dates easily when I was young, I could not find respect, so I stopped dating. It was interrupting my peace, I kept finding people who only wanted my looks and had utter disdain for who I was as a person. That is not pleasant, trust me. I in no way wish to invalidate your struggle, or claim some people don't get asked out more than others. But I don't want 'how much one gets asked out/officially dating/wifed up' to be used as a yardstick for how difficult or painful this is for people.

I literally just love you Steph , you have no idea how much you’ve been a friend to me and validated my experiences more than anyone I’ve met in real life, you’re a true gem.

Your dad sounds like my mom. She just can't comprehend how I enjoy myself a lot and thinks dating is easy when she's only dated one dude and then my dad.

Yup that's me! I always hated the story of the woman that just got out of a shitty relationship and all of a sudden she meets "Mr.Right" like 3 months later when she wasn't looking for a relationship....Like I've been single just waiting. When is this going to fianlly happen for me??

The best thing I've done is come to terms with the fact that it's not my time and surrender control. Some aspects are outside of your control---including but not limited to societal prejudice (especially if you're Black and gay like me ✊🏿🏳‍🌈), desirability politics, and the fact that you can't force someone to enter into a relationship with you. I've tried online dating and trying to meet people in real life. Each time, I've met with social inhibition in the forms of rejection and even overt bigotry. Instead of catastrophizing about my inability to find a romantic partner, I release and let go of control over all aspects of my life. I refuse to give myself deadlines to accomplish and simply live my life the best way possible. Furthermore, another point I want to add is I wish people were honest about the difficult reality of romantic relationships. Romantic relationships aren't what they quacked up to be. Whether you're in a casual relationship or married, being in a relationship with another human being is hard. Some people aren't meant to be in a romantic relationship and that's completely fine. It's fine to be single and it's fine to be in a romantic relationship. Blessings to y'all ❤

Thanks for this video. 54 year old here still single and childless. I have been through it all and yes I have heard all of the comments that you mentioned. Trust me it gets harder when you realize all of your friends have gotten married. Although I will say now in my 50's many of those people are now getting divorced so they circle back around. Modern dating is a crap shoot.

“Be careful who you share your story with” - YAASSS! Both personally & professionally, sometimes snakes be cuddling under you like teddy bears and you don’t know they’re snakes until they bit you👺

Most of the people invalidating her story are are in terrible relationships. They're with their man because they can have a man. Doesn't matter what the man is like.

Steph, I’ve been there. Wanting it too much all the way to my detriment, being too desperate for it. Your heart seems broken. I’m so sorry. I’ve just stopped wanting it at this point and it’s been so much easier.

This soft makeup and peace shirt on you is 🧑‍🍳 💋 I’m sad you’re not making more video like these, bc I love them. P.s. I’ve remove myself from the dating market, but I sure do enjoy content about it. lol.

You’re an amazing storyteller, as a 35 woman wanting a child I feel this deeply. The men really are going to need to step it up. Researchers are finally starting to raise flags of concern and it’s global!

In your interaction with that child, the difference is that the mother (by the sounds of it, a single parent) was exhausted and overwhelmed from always having to meet this child's needs all by herself. That baby fought sleep with you, despite being held, despite soothing ocean noises... and you were patient because it wasn't your 294th consecutive night of sleep deprivation due to a child who needs to sleep yet refuses to sleep. I will also say, as a mother, the WORST sound in the world is your baby crying. I hear it if he's in a different room. I hear it if I'm in the shower. If he grunts in his sleep, it wakes me up. When he cries, it sends my anxiety through the roof. I can't hear anything else or think about anything else. Sometimes, though, your baby will cry because they are tired, bored, or overstimulated. Not good reasons to ratchet up your anxiety, but they can't help that. It can really mess with your mental health, especially if you're the only one who ever attends to that child when they cry. Your friend likely met a man and discovered that when you have a partner who will do what you did (take over parenting duties and put that child to sleep) being a mother doesn't suck so much after all.

I don’t listen to many on RU-vid but YOU are one of my favorites! Top 3! I can listen to you all day because you have substance.

Personally, I've never had a problem with dating like getting a guy, but i had a problem with dating the right men. I used to attract emotionally unavailable men, insecure men who would project and controlling men. I kind of lost my confidence after a while, especially when those men found "happiness" in other women (they all got karma). The moment I accepted myself like MY beauty and my quirks, set strong boundaries, and got myself together from within, i met a great person. I just stopped giving a damn about other people's opinions and approvals and stopped trying to mold and shape myself of what i thought was expected of me. The love, happiness, and validation i was searching for in a man, i found it in myself. It seems cheesey, but it's true.

I really love your takes, they're said with so much compassion and relatability....like calm in the madness of social media! Thanks Steph

I really don't understand why younger people put all their humiliation on the Internet. I'm not even going to talk about the BS that is manifesting. Not everyone gets a happy ending.

Love this discussion!!! As a WOC that has been struggling in the dating and have been invalidated so much, this video meant a lot ❤And agreed with the manifestation ideologies. Thank you for your voice and energy 💕🥰

There's been times where I felt sad about not having success in relationships. But when I observe the relationships of the people around me, I'm reminded why I'm single. I'm finding it rare that couples have a healthy relationship. All I see is baby mama/ baby dad drama, cheating, abuse (financial and physical), and people being together for the esthetic/ validation of others.

1. It never ceases to amaze me the wonderful job you do with your platform!! We honestly need more content from creators that have an audience talking about the opposite side of things for those of us who live it, but have no audience so essentially we don't exist. 2. Thank you for mentioning balance!! Everybody isn't going to get everything! It's simply not possible. Some of us will HAVE to struggle and there should be room for those of us that aren't happy with what we're currently living through. A lot of times I piss people off irl because I'm doing all the recommended things and I still don't have what I'm supposed to. It leaves the other person with nothing to say because it requires actual work to help someone like me and unfortunately that's not what the average person wants to do. They just want to put a bandage on a gaping wound. 3. We need to REALLY start talking about the damage women cause to other women. I think that's one of the hardest things about this entire subject. Women are invalidating each other! It's bad enough that men do it, but I think we kind of expect it. An we come to each other for empathy and camaraderie and don't get. I believe it just hurts more and makes the situation way worse. 4. Disabled people still aren't even really in this conversation, but we're out here too and that's another painful struggle. We stay invisible no matter how hard we try. Just like being a bit older (or plus size ) and having difficulty navigating dating, people who live with health issues need to be seen and heard more. More than likely, it's gonna take someone who isn't disabled and has a decent size platform to speak up for us. It's one of the few ways we'll get validation because so many people forget we even exist. I'm NOT saying you specifically. I'm just bringing it up as a small way to advocate for myself and others like me.

Steph have you considered doing one-on-one coaching or creating a community for single women? You are one of the very few voices that understands this kind of experience.

Someone who has really shifted my perspective is Law Roach when he spoke about his belief that romance is not meant for him. Now I am agonized by my lack of romantic love, but when I look at what I TRULY prioritize is my path and dreams, because the truth is it is easy to settle for just anyone. And I refuse to do that. Yes I may have high standards but I refuse to live a life that I am unsatisfied with. That is my cross to bare but I have struggled with major depression for a long time and now that I do feel I am in a better place I won’t put myself into despair with making choices based on what I’m “supposed” to.

Steph, you know just what to deliver what a girl needs it. Signed from a 31 year old woman who completely UNDERSTANDS the message of this video.

When she said, “I literally have cried myself to sleep asking god to take the desire away.” Oh that hit me hard. Thank you for helping me to validate my own experience with my own desires.

I keep telling people that dating is not the same.... Especially if you dont fit "the look".

Only 11 minutes. I need an hour. EDIT: YAY, it's 30 mins.

Not only that. Men will date you if they don’t like you or find you attractive and then cheat on you or be annoyed or like you are doing them a favor. Be single that ish is t worth it

Fantastic video! Im glad you brought this up. Its very common especially when talking with other women. An issue that usually comes up for me is women thinking I dont desire dating because Im not conventionally attractive. They seem surprised when it comes up as if being ugly takes away the desire to date. It offends me still in my 40s. I love love and romance but dating never came easy. When I bring this up, Im met with theres someone for everyone and but you're such a good person, funny, sweet, blah blah. It sounds like filler responses after a while. Men and women are both superficial and will go for and stay for looks most of the time. Its difficult esp when a woman is unattractive and aging. From experience, the average person won't stick around thinking a dope personality will emerge from a ugly person.

"And then, he robbed me!" 😂😂😂😂 I needed to hear this video today, I needed a witness. Thank you ❤

I have a hard time supporting the belief that no everyone qualifies for a relationship. I’ve seen married couples drugged up together, I’ve seen couples where one person is mentally ill, alcoholic, disabled, abusive etc. Plenty of “broken” people out here who have found the one and are married. Working on yourself if for YOU. It has nothing to do with whether or not a potential partner will want to settle for you. Working on yourself is so that YOU feel good within your own mind, body and soul. Your potential partners are their own people who will decide for themselves why you’re the one ☝️ not because you look good on paper. I think the notion of constantly needing to work on yourself in order to find the one is extremely toxic because we will be working on ourselves till the day we pass. We will never be perfect in the eyes of other people. Working on ourselves is for us not others.

Dating is hard for me as a nineteen-year-old black woman. I think for me, it stems from my insecurities and experiences with ex-partners. For now, dating is something I've temporarily given up on.

You always provide interesting commentary. As someone in a similar situation, I noticed my dating life changed for the better when I focused on the controllables. If I go out the objective isn’t to meet a hot guy I have chemistry with. It’s to go out and have a good time and genuinely enjoy meeting and engaging with people. I’m not selecting engagement with others based on asking myself “could he be my husband”. I can’t control that, but I can control if I have a good time. It’s not always easy, I’m an introvert, but this shift I think is critical for most women.

The irony is the comment section lol is doing exactly what she’s saying not to do. I don’t know what the answer is…

Your path in life is just that, YOUR path. I want folks to find their own way to happiness, no matter what that looks like. I'm tired of the narrative that their is only one way to be happy and I'm glad you brought up the invalidating of people's experiences in trying to find love and not getting perfect results. I remember that scene from SATC, but for me it was that moment when she said, "I've been dating since I was 15! Where is he?" Reality vs. Real life. I say find your path, make changes as needed, don't worry about what you can't control.

I think the issue is that we're not used to seeing what a life truly looks like when you're self partnered. We've been blasted with couples, relationships, marriage when we've never really gotten to know ourselves. If we're not truly content alone how do we expect to be that way with a partner? I'm 31 and in my previous long term throuple I've been out of 1.5 years ago, i forgot how lonely being single was. I was miserable but wasn't ready to be single. We're not conditioned to be what we are, fully formed people and amazing in our own right. We've been done a disservice and believing that being single is for a season is some of the biggest BS ever. If you're vetting men properly, you should be single for awhile lol

This is hard to share in the way you shared it. The truth is that everyone’s situation is so so so unique, some people “make it” and some people don’t, plenty of people who deserve better fall through the cracks and vice versa. We like to pretend that everyone just needs to do XYZ to “win”, but everyone’s alone in their own confusing labyrinth at the end of the day, no matter how badly we want the world to be fair.

Love the background and you are GLOWING

Truth all around. Looking back I'm grateful that certain things that I desperately wanted didn't magically appear for me because it forced me to face fears, deal with shadows and freed me as a result. I honestly believe not everyone is ready spiritually or psychologically to confront the very painful realities of their lives not working out and by design aren't forced by the universe to live through those experiences. You, Stephanie, are so much stronger and wiser than anyone who "manifested" xyz trying to give you advice.

Is crazy to me, that some people just invalidate others experiences just because that's not what they have gone through... like How and Where.. when people tell you what They Experienced Who are We to say "No, that's not it and is Your fault"... 🙄🙄🙄

I love how transparent you are. Life isn’t over at 40, there’s still time to meet someone! Everyone’s path is different!

You are in your zone, your growth is so evident. Love you channel!

Look at you, being a Trendsetter! That MOTHERLESS channel would probably not exist if you hadn't started your channel being so vulnerable! Keep doing/ being you!

I was on countless apps, going to countless nights & they did not work! Who knew my husband was right under my nose at my office job 😆💖 super grateful and happy!

Steph I relate to you sooo hard!! Thank you for being here as a voice ❤️ soo happy to have found your channel. I have also been healing from so many things you are discussing but when you talk about gamecards, that was something I did A LOT 😭 not realising it wasn’t healthy to emulate others so much, as, as you said, everyone has their own path. But I remember a friend telling me that she only courted her husband for one year & I then set that as a rule for myself, let me only court for one year. Later, I thought a longer courtship period would have been beneficial. But I’m learning to forgive myself, show myself & others grace and recognise we call make our decisions / advise others based off our own experiences / what we understand at the time. We are eternally growing and learning. As another friend reminds me - “the journey of growth never ends!”

I love to hear a full video commentary on unhelpful and annoying things people tell single people. Especially the kind of advice those who are in relationships or have been for a long time like to present to single people

STEPH. You are so damn intelligent and I Thank GOD for ur channel. U r absolutely right abt the importance of other ppl saying “me too” bc sometimes the burden no longer feels so heavy when ur not carrying it ALONE. Thank u for always speaking truth to power. This video made me think even more abt some of the things I’ve been DYING to say, but have suppressed bc of the reality that when ppl don’t understand, they gaslight, dismiss, minimize, etc. THANK U, STEPH. For real.

Sending you so much love! I have always appreciated the vulnerability in your videos. Thank you!

You have a wonderful channel and an amazing storytelling ability. Keep reaching others.

3:00 Steph this is why you're one of my favorite creators. You call it like it is, esp in a world as unpredictable as dating. Thank you.

So glad you posted! Was thinking about you this morning. You’ve been missed!!

Maybe my perspective on this is off but it seems to me that dating before “modern dating” was based on people relying on stereotypes of each other in order to get in to relationships. Dating was probably easier before because the stigma of singleness was unnaturally high and people jumped into relationships prematurely and stayed in them because of the stigma. Many women, for a long time, seemed to have suffered in relationships where men were emotionally unavailable. Whereas, these days, both men and women are trying to pay attention to nuances more than stereotypes which then translates into more rejections. But then that means that men and women have a greater level of self accountability to strive towards. Because I imagine it’s not only women that are struggling with dating. Men are too, right? There are tons of single men and women out there today who haven’t found their “one”, right? I find that these days, the way we navigate our mental health journeys, anxieties, etc tend to play a major role in the dating world. Like, people ghosting because their coping mechanism is “lack of accountability”. Maladaptive coping mechanisms are always connected to something deeper and I wonder how up to date people are with resolving their own traumas and anxieties so that they are entering the Modern dating game with a more healed perspective. I mean, I have no idea honestly because I just wonder about these things and I wonder if other people do too.

Your message is so loud, resounding and refreshing. This is doing something to my heart mayne!

finding love is just luck. I met my fiancé only beacuse he was in hospital in my city. So, had he not been ill we would have never met and I'd probably still be single today. Just luck.

I'm struggling too , I only get weirdos or narcissists. It's heartbreaking 😢

Your standards and maintaining respect and compassion for yourself will always be more important than some man. Don't settle, because the only difference between being lonely alone and being lonely in a relationship is that there's a warm body next to you who hurts your feelings and disrespects you.

I can't believe this channel doesn't have more subs. You have such a great perspective on things, most of the times, lol.

The manifestation idea is so hopeful and I’m sure it helps us to visualize what we want but sometimes life circumstances really come down to luck. I didn’t manifest a partner or family but those things strangely came easy to me, to the point that I was confused because these things were not technically my priority, but my career? Fraught with difficulty, and as a young person I wanted career success more than anything (and I manifested!) I’ve come to accept where my blessings lie but it’s hard to look at others, whose career success seemingly fall into their laps, and not wonder what’s wrong with me. Sometimes life just has its own plan and part of the journey is acceptance.

I think a BIG element when people give advice or their opinion is the delivery - if people could just remember that their story is just that, THEIR STORY and it may not work for someone else, then i think the person hearing it will be more receptive! dont be judgemental and whatever youre giving, do your best to make sure its given with good intention and in a way the other person can receive it

I’m a man, and I’m married (1st marriage, 2 years now). I’m in my late 40’s and while I found my soul mate, I do think modern dating can be difficult. I never necessarily had a difficult time dating, but I would never invalidate anyone else’s experience. It is hard. People are much busier, dating is done more online, and it can be a minefield sorting through those whom are genuine from the catfishers and liars. Also, it’s not wrong to hold out for your “dream person”. It’s perfectly fine to hold onto your personal standards. My wife and I both did. We didn’t meet until our early 40’s. We were fortunate to meet our perfect partner. People shouldn’t settle out of fear of being alone.

Thank you for sharing this! I’ve wanted to date and get married for as long as I can remember, and I too have clung to stories of Hope that people have shared with me and I haven’t found my person yet. When I passed the age I thought I would be married (32) I asked myself would you still love your life if you didn’t get married? My answer was no. But then I realized that I needed to start visualizing my future differently because it will be a sad life to continue being unhappy only because of an unfulfilled desire. I am 36 years old and I’m still struggling to come to terms with possibly being single forever. it has helped me to see that I am very particular when it comes to who I allow in my circle so it makes sense why finding a romantic relationship would be even more difficult for me. it still breaks my heart when I see people find love, but it hurts a lot less when I hear that I’m not alone in the struggle of long term singleness. My hope is dwindling and that makes me sad because it’s my inner child’s dream, but I think that maybe hope needs to die out so that I can really make room the life that I have going for me.

HEYYY STEPH 😍 REWATCHING YOUR LAZY GIRL VLOGMAS BECAUSE I MISS YOU SO MUCH... FELL IN LOVE WITH NO MORE UPDATES SKIT AGAIN 😭 LOVE YOUR UPLOADS

This video was exactly what I needed to hear. It made me cry so much. I've been blamed so much for being single and childless, told I didn't prioritize it, when I've been looking since my early 20s. Now I'm in my mid-30s and everything feels hopeless.

Thank you for speaking up. It's so frustrating and most people in the manifesting community don't even acknowledge it. I think we need to stop trying to control everything and let life happen however it needs to.

I always love your 100% honest take on things. I have related to your stories so much over the years. I think its so hard for many people out there to hear the story of women like us. Its hard to come to grips with the fact that some of us never get unconditionally loved by a romantic partner. I do think findng a life-long mate is rarer than we want to believe, and more than likely, historically, many women had children before they actually wanted them. There's actually more luck involved if your dating and mating in the middle class, than if your upper class, wealthy or working class poor. For me, I recently had a realization that I'm actually very upset that I was not chosen. I'm 42 and I've dated every kind of man out there. In that process I did decide I wasnt settling for someone who wasn't my intellectual equal, and who wasnt willing to be emotionally open with me...and that's incidentally when my dating prospects dried up, and I was in my mid-late 30s. Fast forward to today, and there have been a few men interested. However, it seems like after they chose someone else to be the mother of their children, and those children have grown up now, these men finally see me as someone to go into old age with, so they don't die alone... I know how bitter this sounds. I know I'm going to need a lot of therapy to process all of these emotions, and I know not only women over 40 are experiencing this irrational anger at not being chosen. I supoose we're going to need a army of therapists for us romantic relationship traumatized, middle-aged millinials. Peace and love to us all, especially of you read this crazy long response...❤

LOVE explosions in the sky! So glad to find a fellow fan!

THIS is soooooo good! People invalidating other people's LIVED experience is extremely frustrating. Because if it didn't happen to me, you must be lying or you didn't try hard enough. Well maybe Karma finally caught up BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! This could easily be turned into a series. ❤

THANK YOU!!! Every word you shared resonates with me! The empathy, the validity and the acknowledgement of both sides!! Thank you for this video, I am very much familiar with walking through this night, thank you for giving it a proper voice 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I struggle alot with beauty standards i hate being compared to other women pretty privilege is something I will never experience

Heavy on people trying to do what other successful (or what people perceive as successful) in order to find the right path for them. IT'S VERY TRUE. But it's sad (but I get it.. 😢) because the most successful people, in my opinion, are those that walk in their OWN lane. They just seem so much happier and more authentic. 💫 It's inspiring and beautiful to see. ❤ But I agree.. I've always said.. what works for one, may not work for another. That's just the way it is. And it's okay. I actually like this because it helps me realize that nobody can predict or write my story. I will, despite all the trials, failures, and bone crushing moments. You can't write or tell me what you would do because you're not experiencing and writing the story. 😂 💗 Btw.. Stephanie, I get it. it's FRUSTRATING. There's alot of asking of "why isn't it me?" And you're left with silent answer thatll youll never hear.. you may see why as life goes on, but you may not, and it sucks. 😕 You're not alone. ❤ So, please remember (and me too! 😂) to quiet the voices and noises and keep walking. 🚶🏾‍♀️‍➡️

I love watching your videos relating to dating/relationships! I feel like I have someone who understands and knows how hard it is, especially when we know who/what we are looking for. Its stressful especially when receiving pressure and questions from our surroundings - along with their "advice." Sigh, its alot. I do feel timing does make a difference, however it is tough. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing.