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The Walk of Fame vs The Walk of Shame: Dannah Gresh at TEDxPSU 

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Dannah Gresh is a sexuality educator and best-selling author of several books on the subject. She has long been at the forefront of a movement to encourage healthy sexual choices and is often called upon to use social science and medical research to defend a conservative position on relationships in news media like USA Today, CNN.com, FoxNews.com, Chicago Tribune and Women's Wear Daily.
As a resident of the hometown of Penn State, Gresh coaches college students seeking to define their sexual and relationship theology. She has found that students who feel most discriminated against for their sexual choices are those who choose to reserve sex for one mutually monogamous lifetime partnership. In other words, they're virgins. (Gasp!) Her recent calculations found that there may be as many as 8,360 virgins on campus, but they tend to conceal it. Could it be that the banner of tolerance does not include them? She has a passion to change that and to communicate that people who have sex with only one person are not only really smart, but they can have great sex!
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

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18 апр 2013

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Комментарии : 140   
@StephanieJwriter
@StephanieJwriter 10 лет назад
Finally!! Someone speaking out on what we ALL know is true.
@curtiusmaximus1979
@curtiusmaximus1979 11 лет назад
I posed the same question Dannah. I really appreciate your speech. I'm a 34 year old virgin who has decided to wait to my wedding night to have sex. I totally think it's worth the wait. I currently go to X-Ray school in a small town in Texas, and virtually nobody in this town honors virginity or staying abstinent to after marriage. It's encouraging to know there are others that feel differently. Much thanks!
@hairdiva1
@hairdiva1 11 лет назад
Love love love it!!! Move this to the main site please!!!! We don't hear this enough , our kids need to hear this!! Thank u Ted for giving this lady a platform to speak!!!!
@supermare1968
@supermare1968 11 лет назад
Thank you Dannah! I gave away my virginity at the age of 18. Later in my college life I chose to remain abstinent until marriage and I called it "Second Virginity". When I met my future husband he was a virgin and remained that way until we married. We made a commitment to each other to not have sex until marriage. We've now been married 16 years with four beautiful children and we are one of those "middle age" couples having great sex!! Thank you for your commitment to purity!
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
Well, Thomas, apparently a lot of college co-eds. I spent hours and hours at Penn State University talking to students who were both sexually active and those who were not. Most agreed whole-heartedly that there was intolerance for the choice to remain a virgin. Some of those who I spoke with who were virgins chose it because of moral/religious reasons, others out of what they called "self-respect" and others out of what they called "intelligent observance of the consequences." Most felt judged.
@bairdsisters2986
@bairdsisters2986 11 лет назад
Great talk. Totally agree! Thank you so much for being courageous and standing up for virginity. Saving sex for marriage is very satisfying and the best option out there. God designed it and He knows what works best. Studies are finally coming around to see the light.
@rileymoore9013
@rileymoore9013 8 лет назад
You have true spiritual wisdom, Dannah. You seem like just the person I would want to sit down and have coffee with and listen to all of your stories, testimonies, and wisdom!
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 7 лет назад
Awe. So sweet. Thanks for giving me courage.
@heatherqt
@heatherqt 11 лет назад
Thank you, Dannah. That's very kind of you! I have listened to many of your talks and recommend your material to friends. I have taught 5th graders and I see your work as valuable in creating dialogue between mom's and daughters about sex, femininity, beauty, an individual's worth, God's design and character. Regardless of one's age or sex, I think you have provided resources that give us a lot to think about, and I appreciate your story and heart. Thank you for your encouraging TT.
@Olivia-xf4gy
@Olivia-xf4gy 5 лет назад
So wonderful and undeniable! Love how she points to scientific FACTS!
@marypowell5235
@marypowell5235 11 лет назад
This is GREAT, and a message that is LONG overdue! The intolerance for virginity comes from making fun, thinking something is wrong with someone who admits to being a virginity. It is time for that to stop, AND time for people to realize the psychological consequences of early sex, and sex without having a committed relationship. Spirits truly get impacted by early sex, and definitely does impact later, committed relationships.
@carolinespang5176
@carolinespang5176 11 лет назад
Thank you for this message! There is so much truth and hope in this video, in a nation that is so casual about sex it is so encouraging to see a message that differs from social norms. I hope that this message can help change students lives.
@lithpbuddies
@lithpbuddies 11 лет назад
This is so cool! Revolutionary. Relatable. Honest. Thanks for the bold and true message. It was great to have this message presented in a way that made me think differently. These words are needed in our generation.
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
Thanks! I agree. It's good to have your respect for research. Encouraging.
@ellieseibel3418
@ellieseibel3418 11 лет назад
Great job! I love this video! It is so true that in a nation full of tolerance the one thing we do not tolerate is virginity. We should not have to grow up ashamed of a priceless gift that we haven't given away. This video gives me hope that someday we can view our virginty as a priceless gift once again and not just a nuisance needed to be lost.
@fourrharts
@fourrharts 11 лет назад
Thank you for your wise words. Our culture needs to hear this message! Your presentation was so well-spoken. It was so fair of you to point out that the decision is not "forgone" by society - that everyone should have tolerance for the choice that 1/5th of the people make - abstinence. Many who did not make this decision, who have regrets and marriage problems, would encourage this to others as you have done.
@slindmo
@slindmo 11 лет назад
Perfect! Thank you Dannah!
@heatherfuller5210
@heatherfuller5210 11 лет назад
Thank you so much for spreading the message of tolerance. It provides hope and truth for those of us living a lifestyle that looks very different than that of others! Praying that many students will come to find the same hope and encouragement as a result of this TEDxTalk.
@TheKiwibee123
@TheKiwibee123 11 лет назад
I really enjoyed listening to this wonderful ted talk. Dannah Gresh gives so much hope into the world about this subject and I really don't feel ashamed that I am a virgin, when most people my age are not. I think there needs to be more people like Dannah to be more encouraging to wait for something so great as sex. I am truly encouraged by the message Dannah shared through this Ted Talk and am looking forward to what more is going to come out from her and her message!
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
Thanks, Mary.
@johnlorican
@johnlorican 11 лет назад
Good job, Pam! Thanks for your comments.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
Thanks, Jason; you made my day. I mean, these folks are welcome to judge me for my ideas as we all judge those around us for their differing opinions, either positively or negatively. I had hoped that a TED talk could foster a healthy debate about the ideas espoused in the video. I still hope, and in many ways have seen a healthy debate arise. No one has yet resorted to name-calling or ad hominem attacks. There's a plus! I'm really grateful to Dannah for getting involved with her audience, too.
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
Thanks, my friend. You always have smart things to say!
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
I appreciate your spirit.
@supermare1968
@supermare1968 11 лет назад
Dannah, what's the exact link for this article? I can't seem to find it? thanks!
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
I'm so sorry for your pain, Heather. You are right that no one behavior makes promises of other outcomes.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
Oh? I wasn't aware. Could you give me the paper citation, I'd be interested in giving it a read. Thanks for taking the time to respond!
@johnlorican
@johnlorican 11 лет назад
The intolerance, I believe, comes from the internal battle between right and wrong. We really DO have that 'inner man (woman)' that convicts us of our sin - and premarital/extramarital sexual activity is no different. The guilt is real. People involved in this become convicted when they meet a virgin - or someone who has lost their virginity but has chosen to make different choices....and one way to combat that guilt is to express intolerance/make fun of virgins - instead of celebrating it.
@jewelschohan
@jewelschohan 11 лет назад
wow...what a concept. What I thought was amazing about this is that her information was research based. So many discussions on the issue of abstinence have to do with one's moral convictions and the reality is, we are a morally polarized culture. her message had to do with tolerance for choice and respect for those who make the choice that, based upon good research, they will wait until they are committed for the long-term.
@pamfarrel
@pamfarrel 11 лет назад
TED is designed to make us THINK. And more people should have information to THINK then choose wisely about their sexual decisions. Medical science is backing that when we have sex we BOND to a person, and if we continually bond to person after person, we pattern our mind to have sex and break up, and if we SAY we want a long term relationship, we are then UNDERMINING our ability to have the very value we are desiring: to be in a long term monogamous loving relationship (ie: marriage)
@pamfarrel
@pamfarrel 11 лет назад
Our sexual choices are a factor in the rising divorce rate. Rising divorce rates cause economic hardships, harm children's development, even lower productivity in the work place. In addition, STI's spread through multiple serial partners raise medical care costs, and contribute to rise of infertility. I INVESTIGATED my sexual decision, and decided to remain a virgin until marriage. I have a very happy stable 33 year marriage. Virginity til marriage is a solid SMART option.
@Purple51119
@Purple51119 8 лет назад
God bless you Dannah. In 2014,I chanced on the soft copy of your book"And the Bride wore white". I wasnt a complete one though. 2years later,I got the book on the shelves of a bookshop. It was the last copy there. I knew God was reaching me through ur book because during that time,I was making major decisions in my life. Thank u and God bless you. Pls, how do I send u a private mail?
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 7 лет назад
Hello friend. You can email me through my website at dannahgresh.com.
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
It's actually "Technology, ENTERTAINMENT, and Design" according to the official TED.com site. It is interesting that you've seen TED as an exchange of worldviews because I find that it is the rare TED Talk that I personally watch that really reflects worldview strongly. However, often you can see a person's worldview. You are very right on the count that we are a bit confused about sex.
@100point1percent
@100point1percent 11 лет назад
Former Los Angeles Laker and NBA Champion AC Green also had dedicated his life to greater sexual education. He advocates abstinence until married. Freakin' great idea! Dannah Gresh is awesome....
@heatherqt
@heatherqt 11 лет назад
Thomas, Thank you much for your questions & comments. They led me to question your reasoning and question my own. I have done some reading since on modesty, double standards for men & woman and shame associated with sexul desire as it relates to Christian culture in America & our American culture. I have discovered myths I was believing that have influenced my attitudes & actions. Yuck, but good. One site that I am still gaining insight from is Jonalyn Fincher's blog, w/ thoughtful debates.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
John, All too often I hear "never read the comments", and it's nice to have that aphorism proven wrong. Thank you. I disagree that education involves proselytisation, as that's an attempt to actively convert an individual to or from a religion, but will agree that it's about trying to give enough information so a student may build a worldview that is logical and consistent. Sexual education must teach ideas of consent and emotional readiness, amongst others, as well as the mechanics involved.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
John, Talking about sexuality that isn't based in biblical ideas of marriage and procreation is unusual in the US. Some choose not to marry, but I would think that their choice to spend their lives together is no less valid. I definitely agree that the ideas of abstinence and asexuality are under-represented in many ways. Relationships are all different as we, as humans, are all different. I think any opportunity to teach others to be tolerant is a good opportunity, and should be taken.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
Thank you, as I appreciate yours. Also, not to be a bother, but I was quite serious about educating myself regarding the new information from UC regarding oxytocin: could you send the authors and title of the paper, and maybe the journal title, too? Any chance to learn something new is something to strive for, and it would help me to not make future mistakes in discussion.
@chelseacrowl9628
@chelseacrowl9628 11 лет назад
I agree wholeheartedly. Sex isn't tolerated in today's culture. This makes it hard for teenagers like me to to know that someone is judging you for what is Biblically right. What Dannah is saying is having huge impact. Thank you, Dannah.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
One should generally consider the consequences of their conscious (and not-so-conscious) actions. Giving the information beforehand, to individuals who haven't yet exercised their choice, allows for the best outcome. I've read a fair few accounts of both sides of the debate, and have my own opinions on it due to my own experiences, but understanding the biology, methods of contraception, talking about consent, and, yes: the consequences of your choices are all things people should learn.
@randomflyingpigeons
@randomflyingpigeons 11 лет назад
Anyone who is an actual advocate of natural human sexuality would agree that sex is the best when it is consensual, and that the whole point of sex positivity is to be inclusive of all practices of sexual conduct--including choosing to abstain from sex. The problem lies in WHY people would choose to abstain. Is it from guilt forced upon them by (primarily) religious doctrines? Or is it because they are simply not ready, or are asexual? There is a HUGE difference, and sex positivists know this.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
An instructor certainly could, and should, say that there are reasons why one would wait until marriage, and that many of them are religious. There's a great difference between talking about religion from an anthropological, sociological, or historical view versus active proselytisation, which I don't think any of us want in schools. It's part of a complete worldview, and fully in line with secular education.
@johnlorican
@johnlorican 11 лет назад
I'm with you, Thomas. After spending ('wasting?') countless hours posting comments (that I believed to be logical and respectful) on RU-vid several years ago on various subjects - and having most of the return comments be nothing more than vulgarities and demonization - this thread has been refreshing. I'm interested in CLARITY on issues; not agreement. I'm far, far more interested in someone's worldview and why they believe what they do - than if they agree with me.
@jhannaarias6424
@jhannaarias6424 5 лет назад
hello!! t would be grate if you can translate it in Spanish or put subtitles... Thank you, thank you. God Bless all of you
@selegna7
@selegna7 5 лет назад
Busca en true woman 18 Ahi hay unas enseñanzas de ella en español... Te las recomiendo
@pamfarrel
@pamfarrel 11 лет назад
100% agree
@lilsteelerfan
@lilsteelerfan 11 лет назад
I love this talk about purity and sexuality I agree whole heartedly about all of what Dannah had to say in this video!!!!!! :)
@JasonWilliamson
@JasonWilliamson 11 лет назад
It is telling that comments like this, that actually add value to the debate are being down voted. While the cheerleader comments are at the top of the page. The goal is to create lively debate and openness to this subject. Thomas should be the one feeling judged right now because anytime he questions a talking point he is down voted to the point that his posts are hidden.
@born2lol
@born2lol 7 лет назад
Great speech. I just can't imagine having sex with someone you don't care about and doesn't care about you, sharing intimacy with some stranger. It just feels pointless and sad.
@heatherqt
@heatherqt 11 лет назад
Yes, we have choices as adults and individuals, and each choice has a consequence, obvious and not so obvious. What are some of the consequences of premaritial sex? What are some of the consequences of waiting 'til marriage? Thinking about what you are doing and why can give a person some confidence in their choices, and an ability to stand alone if needed.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
Fair, I mainly meant for it to be read as a less-than-serious statement, but I realise how it could have been read differently. I remember the people who made fun of virgins, and they weren't the kind of people I ever looked up to or wanted to emulate, hence: "who does this stuff?" I'll echo what I said earlier: unless someone is engaging in sexual activity or inactivity that is nonconsentual or unhealthy I don't think it's anyone's business.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
Mainly her references to dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine is used in many functions in the brain (maintaining attention amongst them), and is released with unpleasant experiences as well (PTSD sufferers have a release of dopamine when triggered) (Vaughan Bell, Kings College London); blockers don't stop a high. Oxytocin has been shown to relate to bonding, but pilot data shows a spike when people fall in love. As for casual sex, no data has been taken, yet (Ruth Feldman, Bar-Ilan University).
@johnlorican
@johnlorican 11 лет назад
I agree with you, Thomas - except all education involves 'proselytisation.' An instructor chooses what to teach - and what not to teach - based upon their worldview. Sexual activity involves one's character and conscience - and if we pretend these don't exist and we only teach the 'plumbing,' we're deluding ourselves. It's my sincere belief that the consciences of people are bothered by premarital sexual activity - and are hungry for reasons to say 'no' - if they were only taught the reasons.
@johnlorican
@johnlorican 11 лет назад
rfp, many people choose to abstain because they want to reserve that act for the one person with whom they will marry - and that the act physically/symbolically reflects the desire to be 'one flesh;' reflective of the marital union. I believe the guilt that many people feel with regards to premarital sex is because they know in the heart they've done something morally wrong. It's in our souls - thus we feel very real guilt. We do our best to suppress guilt - but it's real.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
I suppose the only case where interest is if it's actively unhealthy -- hurting you or others -- but the choice to abstain is precisely that: a choice.
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
The TED process is rather rigorous. There were enough members of the curator's team who saw both the intolerance of virginity at Penn State and the opportunity to begin a discussion about it. I think that was really courageous of them!
@DollyWalt
@DollyWalt 11 лет назад
AWESOME!!!
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
I don't think you can share a link in you tube but if you google "Hello Giggles" and "24 Year Old Virgin" it's easily retrieved.
@heatherqt
@heatherqt 11 лет назад
I see your point. I enjoy learning about brain science that studies chemicals in our brains, but I do think we need to be careful how we apply the data. It may support conclusions already supported w/ logic and other types of "evidence", but I don't think brain science can be the basis of our beliefs about what a healthy relationshp is or isn't. Dannah did use other reasons other than brain chemisty to support her conclusion. I would like more explanation for the data she used and why.
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
It's really a reinforcement of my talk. There is incredible intolerance for virginity.
@shemararae1577
@shemararae1577 11 лет назад
This is refreshing! Nothing but sex is taught in public schools, kids are shown info and video that is so explicate and graphic it allmost qualifies as porn! they dont need to be taught how...that is easy, they ned to be taught how to abstain and control themselves as well is how to respect themselves and demand others respect them!
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
Sexual desire is not seen as shameful in religious texts. In fact, Christianity boasts the most radical of holy books in the world. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? It’s called the Song of Solomon or Song of Songs. It stands out uniquely among religious books as an unashamed celebration of physical pleasure. Written in approximately 970 B.C., it beats Kama Sutra-a Hindu text on pleasure- by 1320 years. It's broken people who misread these texts that make sex shameful.
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
I think it takes incredible strength for a man to respect a woman more than his own biological desires. It's a sign of great strength for a man to wait for the right time to be intimate with a woman. There is, as you say, too much pressure for this to be a woman's thing.
@marypowell5235
@marypowell5235 11 лет назад
When a man respects a woman enough to want to get to know her thoughts, her dreams, her goals, who she is mentally and spiritually, that is truly the beginning of a relationship that has a chance to last a lifetime. Sex is the icing on the cake, NOT the cake itself, and sex after a man and a woman get to really know each other apart from it is much more meaningful and intimate for both partners.
@randomflyingpigeons
@randomflyingpigeons 11 лет назад
I guess you missed the part where I said "if someone has vowed monogamy to someone." They would have guilt if that was the case. Poly or open relationships are another story in general. Also, while we are animals, we have higher consciousness and create our own social constructions for morality. Therefore guilt is relative to the system of morality we are subject to. Religiously structured morality will lead to religiously guided guilt.
@johnlorican
@johnlorican 11 лет назад
From a few of the TED talks I've seen over the last few years, several have strayed from the 'Technology, Education and Design' column. I see at as more of an exchange of worldviews. Judging from pop culture, I don't believe that Dannah's subject is something that 'everyone knows.' I personally believe that people have an internal struggle on this issue. Their consciences say one thing - while everything else in pop culture is saying something different. As a result, people are confused.
@heatherqt
@heatherqt 11 лет назад
"cherry-picking data to fit her own personal worldview"? What data do you think needs to be included in her discussion that was missing?
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
TED stands for "Techology, ENTERTAINMENT, and Design." I find sex to be a very entertaining topic. I would encourage you to poll college students for hours and hours as I have. Many who are choosing abstinence don't mention religion. I would say among the women that the number one reason they choose it is self-respect. And if everyone knows about this topic, there are certainly a lot of myths about virginity. Can you tell me specifically how the words in this speech were religious?
@xikawnix
@xikawnix 11 лет назад
At the same token, many couples who have waited have married a person they are not sexually compatible with, and the marriage will suffer. There are pros and cons to both sides. Marriage problems aren't dependent on whether you waited for sex or not.
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
The fact that so many people are bashing the speech is only further evidence of the judgement against those who choose virginity until the time is right. I don't judge them for their choice to be sexually active outside of marriage (which by the way was my choice and I which I had chosen differently), why is it so hard for them to allow those who wait the same respect?
@johnlorican
@johnlorican 11 лет назад
I don't know anybody who views sex as a 'taboo' subject; very much including those with Judeo-Christian religious worldviews. As I stated yesterday, I'm all for the inclusion of ideas noted by Dannah on this talk...I just either see it so rarely - or it's impugned by the media (and judged) by others (see about 1/2 of the comments on this thread) who don't share the same worldview.
@johnlorican
@johnlorican 11 лет назад
rfp, a secular viewpoint on sex, which as you say is 'natural' (and I would agree), if it's to be void of any 'religious interference,' would mean it's irrelevant if one 'cheats' on their spouse. It wouldn't matter; what difference would it make? After all, animals have sex with each other without any moral influence/consequence at all. The difference, of course, is that human beings DO have a moral conscience. There ARE severe repercussions and - yes, real guilt - for our actions.
@johnlorican
@johnlorican 11 лет назад
You're correct, rfp - they aren't - but there are enough commonalities to make them compatible.
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
Hey all...check out a great article entitled "The 24 Year Old Virgin" on Hello Giggles dot com. It may be a good part of the debate on whether the conversation to defend the value of virginity is limited to being a religious one. (You'll get very quickly by the graphic language that this is written by someone who doesn't defend it form a religious point of view.) I like these two girls. They are brave and good thinkers!
@johnlorican
@johnlorican 11 лет назад
I think you believe that guilt will occur only if we break a particular promise/vow we may have set. I believe that guilt occurs if we break the moral code that's part of natural law (rooted in the Judeo-Christian worldview). In other words, I will feel genuine guilt if I lie about you, steal from you, rape you, murder you - not because of a particular set of religious commandments - but because I've violated a universal moral order (which, I believe, lines up with Biblical understanding).
@randomflyingpigeons
@randomflyingpigeons 11 лет назад
Likewise, just because we can claim secularism does not mean our society is free from the influence of religious values and moral constructs, as religious beliefs are in the majority in most modern societies.
@randomflyingpigeons
@randomflyingpigeons 11 лет назад
That guilt about doing something "morally wrong", along with the idea of souls, is an inherently religious idea, which is exactly what I was referring to. Sex is natural, there should be no guilt attached to it save for the guilt of cheating on someone if one has vowed monogamy to someone (obviously consensual poly relationships are another story). Marriage is a human creation--sex is a natural act. The two should not be confused. But we would probably disagree as I am an atheist.
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
Oxytocin dot org has some great stuff. Many articles to glean from. You might look to the UC study conducted by Rebecca Turner, PhD, USCF, "hormone involved in reproduction may have role to play in maintainence of relationships."
@randomflyingpigeons
@randomflyingpigeons 11 лет назад
Who dictates what is with "respect for themselves" other than religious doctrines? Modesty is shaming people for their own bodies.
@heatherqt
@heatherqt 11 лет назад
So, what were the "taboos" you mentioned. And how are these "societally-based issues, and tied into the puritanical ideas about our bodies."
@johnlorican
@johnlorican 11 лет назад
Thomas, one is not allowed to 'have honest conversations about sex in schools.' A person like myself believes that one should hold off on having sex until one is married - that you become 'one flesh' with that other person (a physical and symbolic union relating to the purposes of marriage). Many would say 'hey! That's a relgious view' - and thus can't be communicated in a classroom. As a result, that worldview and the multiple reasons that would support are left out of the conversation.
@johnlorican
@johnlorican 11 лет назад
It's unfortunate that those who choose to wait until marriage are viewed by some as part of a 'cult.'
@lukrisi
@lukrisi 11 лет назад
"Your body makes a promise whether you do or not." "Just maybe great sex requires great love." Yada... I love that. Sex should be that. Being known and deeply respected. As a middle-aged woman in a mutually monogamous marriage, I'm a big fan of Yada.
@realestateforabetterworld
@realestateforabetterworld 11 лет назад
Dannah, great talk, I agree with your line of thinking. Sex is a wonderful gift from God, to be experienced with the person you love and the person you are committed to, for life.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
Then those are people not worth dealing with. I mean, if they're going to judge you for a perfectly reasonable and personal choice that doesn't affect them in any way, one that in no way has anything to do with their nosy selves, then they're judgemental and don't need to be a part of your life.I just can't fathom being so interested in someone else's sex-life or lack, thereof.
@nsewellyt
@nsewellyt 11 лет назад
"the choice that 1/5th of the people make" 95% of Americans have premarital sex. Among those who abstained from sex until age 20 or older, 81% had had premarital sex by age 44. 70% of Texan Southern Baptists had sex before they were married.
@heatherqt
@heatherqt 11 лет назад
What if sexual desire is diff. than lust? They have been defined in x ways. It seems sexual desire has been confused w/lust, that women have been blamed for men's lust & men have been accused of being the ones to lust. It seems that modesty has been narrowly defined as a dress code. It can be argued that there are other reasons for women & men to cover-up, as diff. occasions call for diff. attire, culturally & improve attractiveness. There is a need to discuss what modesty is & isn't.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
As soon as I hear her mention dopamine and oxytocin in this context I knew she was just cherry-picking data to fit her own personal worldview. Also most of this could be solved by having honest conversations about sex in schools before we go to university, and removing the taboos. These are more societally-based issues, and tied into the puritanical ideas about our bodies. She keeps talking about intolerance for virgins: who the hell spends their time berating people for not having sex?
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
Sure, as have I. As have you. The fight is against intolerance of people's sexual choices.
@devonlangford
@devonlangford 11 лет назад
Dannah is in no way bashing sluts. She stated the scientific facts to educate people about what is actually happening in their brain instead of just knowing about physical repercussions. She never said that abstinence was the "right" choice, not once. She simply said that virgins and those choosing abstinence should be accepted and tolerated as much those who don't. I think that her words were respectful as opposed to the ignorant use of cussing and bashing in the comments I've read.
@dannahgresh
@dannahgresh 11 лет назад
You are incorrect. The impact of oxytocin in a casual sex relationship has been studied by the University of California. Groundbreaking stuff.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
Talking about sex is taboo. You have nothing but abstinence-only education in public high schools. The idea that you should be ashamed of sexual desire falls right in there, too. As for puritanical ideas: the walk of shame is based off of an idea of feminine purity, which is an horrific double-standard to place upon anyone. One of the reasons male virgins are so pilloried is because it's a so-called feminine ideal to be pure and virginal, and for a man to act that way is seen as denigrating.
@ThomasSchratwieser
@ThomasSchratwieser 11 лет назад
For his choice to remain a virgin? Of course! His choice of sexual partners is between him and whomever he is with.
@heatherqt
@heatherqt 11 лет назад
Who are "people"? If it is a person who cares about you, that would be an uncaring and unhelpful reaction to your choice. One reason "people" wonder what's wrong with you, is that they may feel convicted about their own choices. We all want to rationalize what we think is best, even though there may be evidence proving otherwise. Ask those "people" why they would think that. Know what you believe is best and why. If we base our identity on what "people" think about us, we become unstable.
@heatherqt
@heatherqt 11 лет назад
Also, don't you agree that Tim Tebow has been mistreated?
@JasonWilliamson
@JasonWilliamson 11 лет назад
This conversation has far too many complexities to ever work well within blanket statements. There is an extremely thin line to balance this conversation and still enable the maturation of holistically healthy individuals. For some sex before marriage isn't a big deal and you won't ever hear from them because it is not an issue nor has the weight of an outside force created an issue. Overall the conversation is valuable and should be talked about, but neither side can ever be 100% correct.
@daytonabeachUSA
@daytonabeachUSA 5 лет назад
So... anyone can give a ted x talk?
@Suzyweibel
@Suzyweibel 11 лет назад
Did you even listen to the talk? The ONLY point being addressed here is kudos to those who choose to wait. There is no mention or suggestion of policy whatsoever. In fact, Dannah clearly addresses sex as a personal decision. Birth control and STI protection are also not addressed. There is no admonition for "throwing" anything away. No mention of sex education for children. How about a simple, kind atta boy/girl for those who are making a different decision... to wait?
@chriswonderboy
@chriswonderboy 11 лет назад
What she says may be true in her case, but this depends on the person. Not everybody sees sex like this but I can fully understand her point. Now... how the hell did this become a TED presentation?
@kylebullock5033
@kylebullock5033 11 лет назад
Nice video. I don't want to criticize this video; too many voices doing that already. I do want to say that I respect this video very much. Glad there's someone out there saying this kind of thing. It makes me feel good for having waited for my wife instead of feeling like a freak for not having had sex before her. I'm tired of feeling like a freak or a half-wit because I decided to wait. I'm not a freak. I'm a human being with feelings that I want to bring to the bed. Let me bring them, please
@catspwnall
@catspwnall 11 лет назад
EVERYONE. If you're single and not having sex...people wonder what's wrong with you.
@randomflyingpigeons
@randomflyingpigeons 11 лет назад
That implies that natural law and judeo-christian morality are one in the same. You have much to learn about morality if you believe this is the case.
@blurbthenerd
@blurbthenerd 7 лет назад
She did not mention religion
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