Making sex normal | Debby Herbenick | TEDxBloomington 

they should treat them in respect how they are instead of bothering them

hereANDnow Right. I hope she was just joking.

hereANDnow Have you read the books? The BDSM element is one facet of the stories, it dissolves into love...real love.

Dukie Doomsayer Yes I did. It was poorly written. Rough sex is always about consent, communication and reassurance. ALWAYS. That was not BDSM. Finally, that was not a love story. It was a massage to insecure women that if a man stalks them or pressures them or behaves aggressively towards them, they should appreciate it. It is not love if your partner controls you. Its neither romantic, nor everlasting and not unconditional. It's not even hateful or selfish love. It's a lie. It's a joke. And honestly its not even good porn. But what do you expect from a character so stupid, to a) not reading interview questions beforehand and b) to actually not reading fast enough or at least stop before actually saying the word "gay"? Who does that??? How stupid can you be? That wasn't adorkable, that was plain dumb. And I am supposed to believe that this moment was the one where she made a man fall for her? Pffff... What a joke.

hereANDnow nothing positive about porn... screws your mind, wrecks relationships, and i'm sure has impacts in domestic violence... nothing positive there!

hereANDnow I could not agree more. The book was poorly written and had a horrible message where BDSM was concerned. BDSM is about consent, not force.

I understand her and the feeling.

God made sex.

Neil Mcintosh​ That "joke" wasn't very funny, but ok. Counseling has been suggested to her but she doesn't want to. Nobody can make her. I just hope her husband will help her think differently.

Destinee It's her conscience bothering her. I'm guessing she was raised with the value that sex is meant for marriage and so when she does so while not being married, she thinks she's being bad, thus the guilt. I'm thinking she feels like she's disrespecting her parents and possibly God. I noticed in the second post you mention her husband, so I'm guessing she's gotten married since the first post and as such, I'm going to guess she won't feel any or at least less guilty.

***** No. Guilt doesn't make anything enjoyable.

+Emmy Jeffery She cited cases where it's vital to talk about it, yet too many people don't.

you should until your asking her hand in marriage

+Brian Barbour Germany also has a lot less people than the US. Also, I used to live in California and currently live in Frankfurt and attend Gymnasium here. I've found the openness (or conservatism) about sex being about the same in California as here in Germany... Sooo I call BS on your statement

+Tim Nguyen no, sex is not considered a sin in America. At least not more or less so than Germany

American culture is based on Christianity, so we keep a strong emphasis on marriage & we're protective of the innocence of children. We understand things on a spiritual level, as opposed to merely a superficial level.

Coolguy130000 Please don't compare your stint in Frankfurt to my entire life growing up in Germany. How many nude Beaches are there in California, How many Government Regulated Red Light district does California have? Since you are in Frankfurt, go and take a stroll to Taunus and Kaiser Strasse. How many Swinger Clubs are in Cali, Germany has Thousands of them! How Many News Papers shows Actually Nude Woman...in the U.S. there are NONE. Go Back to the Gymnasium and learn to make better educated arguments.

+Brian Barbour wow someone's angry... I've spent three years in Frankfurt now and lived 5 years in a small city/town off Stuttgart. What I was referring to was the attitude of the people, not government regulated red light districts. And in terms of people's attitudes the difference isn't that great. Also, if you want to make a proper argument why don't you refrain from making offensive or condescending comments. At the same time, I am sure you haven't lived a lifetime in America either so your argument goes around to bite you back.

i get woman like this they asked me if we know this person I'm like oh don't talk to those freaks

Finally some soul food..

exactly!

+daniel overwater well written mate !!

+daniel overwater Yeah not so much Daniel. Don't fall into the trap of thinking how you feel is normal and that is how everyone else should feel. I'm also a little bit worried that you might be projecting here. If you aren't up on that, do a quick search on Wikipedia for "Psychological projection" Have a good day.

+daniel overwater Sex without relationship "love", and sex for pleasure, is wonderful as well and fits in a healthy disposition / mind/body as well. You are trying to demonize flesh and pleasure in a subtle way. The reality is that mind/soul (psyche/nous) inheres in matter, and the problem for western civilization has always come and still currently comes from its negative attitude toward the material world. The present day degradation of diet and environment and subsequent ill health only makes people feel more natural with being uncomfortable with "mere" sex (it is not mere if it's done well, and like anything worth doing, it is worth doing well).

So tell me then, what is bad about having sex without being in a commited relationship? If that actually is your opinion then I can guarantee you that your daughters didn't talk to you about "virtually anything" since Sex is beautiful, not just with someone you love.

madeofukf The down side of sex outside of a committed relationship is one more venereal diseases, several of which have gained immunity to most antibiotics.

etmax1 Use condoms and you don't have to worry about it, easy as that. Btw its good of you to have talked to them about this stuff as people can feel so disconnected with their body if no one ever explained to them what is going on with them during puberty :)

madeofukf There's a lot more to a sexual act than just intercourse, if your one night stand had a 69'er with their last partner and didn't use a condom then unless you consider a "glory hole" scenario "beautiful" you could have just got one of several of the nasties I mentioned. When I consider the length and breadth of a meaningful relationship with a life partner and how there are virtually no taboos with the "wear a condom and no kissing, no cunnilingus, no foreplay with fingers" I have to say you are offering a rather empty alternative.

etmax1 If you are going to go about sex that way then you will always be scared of having fun and trusting a person you're not that familiar with. It is so very unlikely that a sexual disease is going to be transmitted through someone's mouth or fingers without them or myself knowing it's even absurd to mention it. When I consider the variety and beauty of good sex and how there are virtually no limits as to the body, movements, sounds, tastes, expiriences, I have to say you are offering a rather empty alternative.

yeah i think the princess kept going crazy somebody came to attack her drove the car quick

my friends who play sports right she and her buddies were playing some random punk came over me and three greek princess cousins came to asked if we know them we explain do not speak to them if they enter anyplace else should kept the doors locked

+Mohan Thomas A flaw in an otherwise good video.

nfinn42 Look, all sexually dimorphic creatures have sex. There is nothing to go hoo-haa over it. The so called "women's sexuality" is just way too overhyped and overrrated. And 50 shades of grey. Well............

She is a feminist, that's how stupid feminists are.

its because when a rich handsome man wants to turn you into a prostitute its acceptible female dream but if he is poor and less attractive it should be a crime against women..

Krumple Themal True :(

agis lax the best sex is what was under god's rules (marriage). Sex out side marriage means Lost families, Sexual diseases, girls with children without fathers, many hassles. The only one who can put the perfect rules for human being is God. We find this justice in law of Islam. In Islam there is No oppression. Equity is done perfectly according to the needs not to the mathematical equal sign.

Ism Yas we respectfully disagree. ila Alliqa peace.

Ism Yas "Sex out side marriage means [...] Sexual diseases" That is one reason why I approve of the instutution of Gay marriage.

Ism Yas Orrr you can wear condoms and get tested before having sex...

David'sSon Our Organs of Procreation are the entities which qualify for the actual G-Ds, through their capability of creating NEW LIFE. Your writings are nul and void: The Holy Scriptures (PentaTeuch, Holy Bible and Noble Qur'an) worship just evolved, originally brain-fabricated idols of Polytheism. For their blasphemy, to proclaim a GNOSTIC position of "number of G-Ds = 1" or "G-D is 3 persons" (Triune G-D) about the actually unknowable, namely said number of possibly-actual / actually-possible G-Ds *OUTSIDE* the Human brain, the Holy Scriptures named above are a deception. Your J(the)C is actually a personification of an Astro-THEO-Logical concept = Veneration of the Life-Giver S☼NNE. The last Genetic Template/Spiritual Precursor (from at least SIXTEEN) was the glorification of the Pontifex Maximus (greatest Bridgebuilder namely between Humans and G-Dheit), S☼N of Venus DIVUS (Divine) *Julius(the)Caesar*. Now, kneel down in front of your wife our your husband, and venerate their Creator G-Ds by your hands and by your mouth.

I agree. Compulsory sex education is so useful and so needed.

Nyckelpiga Compulsory life education is what's really needed. It's not just about specific topics and issues, but about being able to treat people better. Yes, that makes me sound like a totally naïve asshat, but teaching character traits, unfortunately, is much, much better than most Western education curricula.

commode7x Well, us naive asshats should stick together then ^^ School could teach to much more useful things than it does now. I would love to see non-violent communication, sex ed., critical thinking (the real deal..), integrity, alexander technique etc. being seriously incorporated into education.

Nyckelpiga But real men talk with their FISTS!! Lol, I kid, but I think that you're right about adding important topics into the main curriculum. Last time I checked, many new American teachers graduating with Ed.M. degrees noted that the current American curriculum was a fantastic idea 200 years ago, when it was important to teach children important skills like knowing how to survey land area geometry, count cows, and do cheese yield estimations in their head. In the modern day, learning how to do median and mode have almost zero practical use, trigonometry is something that is only useful for engineers and scientists, and the total lack of information in civics classes about lobbying legislators and the proper political process in their own country is a recipe for disaster. As had been the case for the past 30 years, the ones teaching our children are other children, and we're now reaping the fruits of that educational system.

exactly

In my opinion, the answer to the second question is because it's an intimate act with your partner and there's no need to share that level of intimacy with people you aren't that close to.

I asked Jared Diamond the first question after a lecture he delivered, some years ago. He didn't know why sex is embarrassing either.

Did you watch the vsauce video I linked in my previous comment? You might get a clue there.

John Morgan I can't seem to find your other comment. Do you have a link to it?

it's intimate, just because we don't display ourselves on aplatter for all to see doesn't make it not normal, do you think a person pooping in the middle of a busy street is doing so because it is normal to poop???

if it was me i would have it like during marriage because most wanted this type of relationships for example called them princess or dollar face like most mansions wait until marriage comes like 25 or 23 maybe 35 years olds wait until this woman says yes for proposal or the rings if they have jobs like over payyin their college tutions its we called them smart woman

Dan is wonderful! And you're right: he should have been mentioned.

It's about a consensual BDSM relationship _not_ and abusive relationship. I agree that it's terribly written though and should be avoided.

It's unlike any BDSM I have ever heard about.

Any book can be badly written. 50 shades of grey is one of them, regardless of its content xD

have you ever read (heard of even..)..."The Story of O" ..written in 1950s translated from French....... far more sensual far more everything lol......

mm. k

+Dustin Rodriguez tore the anatomy pages LMAO

Did you have male visitors ir did you girls get thrm for future use?

when this happend my friends went to asked me about this reason they left the area somebody came to invade their privacy I'm like what is going in this place now its happening two woman said somebody came to this place I'm like do not talk to those people

i agree they should respeect how woman are very important they have jobs I'm like come on if they want something wait until marriage

Mak Dem how about a guy reading "Three-way Afternoon"?

!!Wome - and more - feminists- n have been dealing with the shitstorm (great term!) for sooooo long.....maybe men could take it, just sometimes ? The end might BE WORTH THE MEANS!

The sad thing is that many people probably have similar stories

We have to be bold enough to fight against this taboo

I also shop fem aisle for panty liners. Keeps my briefs cleaner longer. But main use is for the occasional bleeding hemorrhoids. Felt odd at first bit mot ashamed anymore.

Wow you are a incredible man! I am also saving myself, I think there is a small group of us so it is nice to hear that there are some like me out there. I have been blessed also with awesome parents that taught me the value of sex. It is beautiful but this world makes it filthy with their thoughts and actions and no value for human life. You and I on the other hand know the truth and should shout it from the roof tops! People need to heat it!

It's nice that you think of it this way but I don't think sex should be something sacred if you don't want it to. Sex can be a purely physical animalistic act, and doesn't ever have to mean anything. But it also can. Sex is sex - what emotion you add to it is your choice, and no one should be shamed if they have hundreds of non emotional sex partners if that's for their own pleasure. Sex is great so long as no one is being taken advantage of or doing it for self validation.

KidsWithGuns1992 As long as the person understands that they will get a STD having that many sex partners. and Step up when a baby is conceived and be a dam father for once. Then I think it perfectly fine. You however are making it like its purely a physical experience when it takes everything in you to have sex being connected emotionally and mentally. You can not compartmentalize sex and those who think they can are really kidding themselves. If I chose to have sex early on I would have had a bunch of kids and either be with someone I don't love or be by myself like so many single parents. No thank you I'll wait out for the right man. It's easier for a man to get up and leave because he is not the one who has to be concerned if he is pregnant or not. It is much harder for a women to do this without getting pregnant. Unless she can't have kids and even if that was true who would want all that baggage.

Jaimie Vanderhouck I completely disagree. Having many sex parents does NOT entail STDs and/or chances of children, it's obviously called the use of safe sex and contraception. Sex is NATURALLY a physical act wherein humans simply do it for pleasure. It has become a socially instilled concept for people to have all this meaning and weight to it - which can be fine - but also shouldn't mean people should be shamed for having many sex parents. There is NOTHING wrong with sleeping around so long as you are responsible and not putting yourself in danger. And having sex early on does no mean you will, once again, have kids or "fall in love" with the wrong partner. That is just insanity to link the two in this modern age. Sex is NOT a bad thing, and you make it out to be. This is why we need to talk about sex more on a social level, because people wait until marriage and have this terrible dogma against it thinking "if I have sex at fifteen I will be ruined forever!". Not true at all, simply just not true.

You cannot decouple sex from emotion. Sex is the ultimate physical expression of love. A clear conscience will always dictate that. Yes, people can choose to use it recreationally, but that does not change the nature or purpose of it, nor does it make it right. When I was younger and my big brother would upset me, my natural instinct was to name-call and fight. When I was mad I didn't want to clean, or help, or serve anyone. Although this was NATURAL that didn't make it RIGHT. The purpose of sex is to make the world go round. It begets the next generation. It is not meant for self gratification. The pleasure of it is a bonus feature NOT the purpose. We live in an age where preteens are posting sexually explicit photos to each other, upwards of 80% of people are viewing pornography, In the United States porn makes more money than the “combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises or the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC” (Internet Pornography Statistics: 2003), birthrates are hitting all time lows, 80 years from now some countries will be half their population size, women are constantly shown in the media as mere objects. I cannot even bear the thought of having parents who sleep around with other adults just for the fun of it. All my confidence and trust in them would be lost. Angry, upset, and confused I might likely follow the same pattern and fight against chastity and morality. I would cite scientists who say its healthy to view pornography and masturbate, and I would completely ignore the others who say it's not. Everything I'd hear, see, and listen to would be measured by whether the thought of it gave me an erection or not. The world is loosing its traction. Happiness is not found in fleeting moments of pleasure, but in enduring relationships built on mutual trust and genuine love. People who fight against that idea are making excuses for their own behavior. They run away from their innate light. They abandon their conscience. And when that happens its only a matter of time before their addictions cause something terrible to happen such as rape, incest, murder etc... If Satan really does exist, then why would he not continue to tempt and pull someone with this view you say is good, further and further into grotesque practices? I attended a conference once where a speaker presented the results of a group drawing project. The elementary school kids were asked to draw what they thought was most important in their future families. All but one group drew either naked women with big breasts and high heels or naked men. These kids were in 2nd grade! These will be the future leaders of the world. How incredibly sad. And you have the audacity to say that sex is meant for pleasure. That lie can only lead to unhappy endings and broken families. Again let me say what the truth about sex is. Sex is beautiful. Sex is sacred. The natural purpose of sex is to create life. It is the ultimate physical expression of genuine love. When it is not treated in this way, then you get a world tormented with addiction, distrust, and broken families.

Fatty.

You know… “some” people think that homosexuality is a choice. Now, choosing is based on being aware and conscious - otherwise, you don’t make a choice. This talk is just about raising awareness on the role of sex in human life. That’s why it is especially devoted to people who don’t need to be aware of sex… because they happen to be heterosexual, conservative, right-wing, conservative, narrow-minded WASPs. Otherwise, you are just a normal person who admit that your sexual preferences - whatever they are - are not a choice… but, in this case, you 1) see pretty well the meaning she attaches to being supportive of any kind of NATURAL (not chosen) sexual preferences; 2) can face such a brain-startling concept as “irony” ;-)

Panait Ciprian Ok. Now I see how far you can deal with the concept of "irony". Peace on you.

Yes, you are right. Sexuality is not a choice. You are either born a male, or you are born a female. This is easy to determine by looking in the groin area. Apparently, this can be a stunning revelation for many people.

MeesterVegas Poor creature. So sad. What about moving to the Islamic State? You find lots of "fellow thinkers", out there ;-) Have a nice trip.

It gives the reason right at the top of the frame, in giant letters: Celebrate sexual diversity. As to your question, yes, of course they are, but not in the way you might be thinking. LGBT folks are put under a microscope by society, and it's all about sex, so many in the community are used to openly talking about it; especially those at a rally. If a person is uncomfortable about sex in general, being at an LGBT event may help tear down some mental barriers. Like the prior suggestion of reading sex books in public, she's implying that a repressed person should get out of their sexual comfort zone. Forcing a person out of their comfort zone is a common method of behavioral modification (e.g. breaking phobias).

Hey, thanks for disqualifying yourself from being Hitler. His thing was different than what you seem to be about. I don't really know you though.

B. Radley RU-vid didn't give me enough comment space to complete my thought. My main point is the reason many people have anxiety over sex being "normalized" isn't because they're a bunch of assholes, it's because of personal reasons and in order to change somebody's opinions, you can't just present facts and logic, you've got to speak to them on an emotional level

Sex is the principle weapon women use to manipulate men. Men need sex and women innately know how to use this weakness. "You left dirty dishes in the sink; no sex for a week." "You forgot to take out the trash no sex for a month." Women don't have a sex drive and don't really derive pleasure from sex which is why they are able to use it like a weapon against men.

Women don't derive pleasure from sex with YOU. Don't speak for other men.

+Beaver thats a fucked up view.. are you that butthurt by your own insecurity that you place your warped value overlay across normality and come up with thomas beavers view? maybe take the trash out more often you lazy fuck, that, or come home early and find shes not into you.. shes into anyone but you. abdul, mustaffa, david, peter paul and mary. anyone but you. perhaps you are like the black hole of sexual enjoyment, you just suck the life out of all the people around you bizarre.

why don't you go fuck yourself ! and I don't give a flying fuck about other people you shithead

nunya, i was referring to the Beaver guy....

May be thrilling to listen at first, but turns into broken record over time.