THE WEAKEST NORTH LONDON DERBY EVER? | James & Flav For Now  

Happy JAFFN day Slugs *Timecodes Season 3 Episode 7* 0:00 - Intro: Flav Addresses His Disgraceful Behaviour *4:38** - **27:19**- Football* 4:38 - North London Derby 14:54 - Has Kane Grown His Stature At The Cost Of Spurs 18:43 - Chelsea vs Man City And The Difference Between Chelsea And Tottenham *27:20** - **1:09:25** - Nonsense* 27:20 - Jim Big Laugh Award/Quotes Of The Pod Part 1 28:14 - Gym Talk Part 1 32:02 - Jim Big Laugh Award/Quotes Of The Pod Part 2 38:14 - Football Comments 38:58 - James Deleted Twitter Video 43:48 - I Met Once 49:18 - Samism 49:43 - Buffet Chat 58:17 - Gym Chat Part 2 1:03:50 - Beating The System

James you should of asked Chris Wilder to pick his best starting 11 based on the quality of wang

Buffet chat- Following on from Louis comment regarding buffet fines, i have nearly fell foul of this cruel system before. In Battersea there’s a sushi cafe that is an order from the kitchen buffet, which carries a £7.50 Per dish charge if a customer does not finish what they have ordered fully. When we arrived a table was arguing with the manager about being charged so this should of acted as a warning to me. It did not. I took my missus about 3 years ago and it was early days, so there was a need to show the good lady what kind of man is sat across from her. The general rules of said buffet are as follows- - maximum of 8 orders per person within 3 sittings. - Sushi orders come as 10 pieces per portion - £7.50 per dish for any uneaten food We of course order the maximum amount of food we can on the first round, the food then arrives at the table. Now, i’m a big lad who likes his grub, my missus is not, i’m talking orders a double cheeseburger and small fries from Mcdonalds kind of lady. Next thing i know i’m faced with 160 pieces of sushi, of course she has ordered many things that i cannot stand such as Avocado, Smoked salmon, cream cheese etc. She eats 20 pieces of sushi and waves the white flag, no further food would be consumed. I am then faced with a choice eat 140 pieces of sushi or pay the best part of £200 for a £50 meal. I start the epic climb and hit a raw fish looking wall at around 80 pieces (as stated, big lad.) I start to do the maths and we’re now looking at an additional £45 to the bill in penalties. No can do. The staff check up on me as i take a break and remind me of the rules before stated. I reassured them that there will be no problem when it comes to table 6. I got up went for a fag and came back to the table smashed the final 60 in a feat that she described as honestly disgusting. I proudly paid my bill at normal price and left the restaurant shortly after. I was sick around 20/30 minutes later haven’t eaten sushi since. I believe a cautionary tale as far as buffets go.

Weird sammism from my dad last night. When referring to how he courted my mum he used the phrase ‘slowly but monkey’. After a period of analysis we realised he was caught between slowly but surely and slowly slowly catchy monkey. Make of that what you will.

Went to a Korean buffet yesterday with some mates from my 7-a-side team to celebrate the end of the season. I've never been so prepared for a buffet in my life. Conditions: £25 cost per person 1.5 hour time limit Extra £5 if you don't finish your food (don't think this was heavily enforced though) I did a lap and identified the most expensive cuts of meat and seafood before grabbing a plate that Paul Dempsey surely would have been disgusted to find (you're going to need a bigger plate). I grabbed the highest value items and piled them onto my tiny receptical, walking straight past the carbs without hesitation. My mate thrust a bowl towards me and said "I grabbed you a bowl of rice" to which I replied, "no, you grabbed yourself 2 bowls of rice, I'm not an idiot" and pushed the bowl back towards him. When one of the owners handed us the bill approximately 2 hours after we'd entered I was getting up for my 8th or 9th plate. He looked utterly dejected, he knew he'd lost this battle.

“You’re gonna need to get a bigger plate” is one of those perfect sentences in English Literature, like Shakespeare’s “To be, or not to be”, that has a different meaning depending on which word you place the emphasis on. “YOU’RE gonna need to get a bigger plate” is aggressive, a little demeaning, but gets the job done. “You’re gonna NEED to get a bigger plate” takes on a pleading tone, with a pang of desperation. “You’re gonna need to get a bigger PLATE” is, for me, perfect. Here the tone is disappointment. They know what they’ve done, and they know we know, and they think they can get away with it.

Quote of the pod: "That tips me off that he doesnt like you Flav" "Fair enough"

We need a LIVE WATCH ALONG if we get El Slugico in the cup.

Nothing excites me more than buffet chat, it’s turned into the highlight of my week

At around the 34 minute mark Flav mentions that 'slug' is the "collective noun" for JAFFN supporters. Hate to be that pedantic grammar guy (but I will), this is not quite right... for example: "A murder of crows" --> the collective noun here is 'murder', not 'crow'. "A gang of thieves" --> the collective noun here is 'gang', not 'thief'. So I did a quick Google search for what would be the collective noun for multiple slugs, to see how we should truly refer to all of the thousands of filthy little slugs listening out there... apparently these are the possible options: - A cornucopia of slugs - A slime of slugs - A phlegm of slugs Maybe it would be appropriate to refer to dry slugs as "a cornucopia of slugs", and moist slugs as "a slime of slugs", or, even more disgustingly, "a phlegm of slugs"? Anyway, this was gross and I regret bringing it up in the first place now. Sorry lads.

Quote of the pod: “I want elements of crunch along the way” Jim treating the buffet like a tough tackling midfielder. Controversial, maybe, but I feel like Roy Keane shares this method of nourishment. Furthermore while Paul Dempsey utters the “you’re gonna need a bigger plate” line, I feel like Roy Keane just gives a pitying look at the plate before looking into the eyes of the person plating up as he just stares and waits for another sausage to be added. “Better”, he says and walks off into the corner, crunching a hash brown along the way.

Just checking in. Been around since the days of long ball street, Craig and Adam behind the cam and Sainsbury’s girl. Still my favourite part of the week, much love boys ❤️

Great sammism from Thierry Henry on the Palace vs Brighton game punditry: “They were at the horses” rather than “at the races”. Classic

One of the most important parts of a fried breakfast (or breakfast buffet) is the final mouthful. For me it has to be the Breakfast Quadruple. For my final mouthful I like to leave a piece of sausage, piece of bacon, piece of hash brown, and a piece of fried egg (must contain yolk). The order these items are 'forked' is also important, Start with the more consolidated like the sausage. Hash Browns must be last to prevent it falling apart!

Similar to the pretending to be tired, a mates housemate at uni arrived to move in and claimed that he needed the biggest room because he’s epileptic. Worst part is no one wanted to offend him so they gave it to him.

Love how more and more this podcast is basically just a catalogue of cancellable offences for when Jim finally makes it to the top

Read a Samism in the wild. A commentor on a Chelsea City review said "I was sure they would go for the juggler and lay down a marker." Made a clown of himself.

As a Tesco employee, I’m disappointed to hear Flav say Sainsbury’s do cocktail sausages, tesco also do this plus much more, We also do a chicken triple which is the best triple

There was a great Samism on True Geordie's interview with Tony Bellew at around 49:13. Bellew says, "I felt like I was thrown under the bridge a bit", presumably combining 'thrown under the bus' with 'water under the bridge'.

Samism: when my friend was discussing how he makes a good homemade burger, to not come off as cocky he said “I don’t mean to blow smoke up my own trumpet” presumably mixing blow smoke up my own arse and toot my horn.

Caught myself in a Sammism watching the footy. Boro started going for it against the mighty Royals and I uttered “ah they’ve got a bee in their step now”, confusing spring in their step with a bee in their bonnet”

When I was in primary school Australian footballing legend, Scott Chipperfield drove my school bus while he was still playing in Australia. I saw him on a night out years later after he had returned from playing in Europe and told him he used to drive my bus as I shook his hand. He stared at me like I murdered his family. Blue collar man embarrassed of his roots

I once shook hands with Fatman Scoop after a New Year's gig at Tiger Tiger in Leeds, I tried to get a selfie with him but my phone died just as I got it out of my pocket

I once met Manuel Neuer on a two-day Nutella commercial shoot. I was an extra, and I thought he was some oafish extra pretending to be a goalie. I avoided all conversation with him, and spoke to Simon Rolfes and Jermaine Jones throughout the lunch buffet of smoked salmon and grilled asparagus. Needless to say, when 2014 came around, I felt a bit silly.

Meal deal talk is spot on. Sometimes they have the big cans of sugar free red bull as well which is good value. I'll often get that or a smoothie, and it stays in the fridge for weeks before I actually want to drink it. But I'll be dammed if I'm getting a water in a meal deal even if I don't want a Fizzy drink

Pe Teacher buffet dilemma Listening to last week's pod, in particular Jim's breakfast buffet experience brought me back to a past encounter of mine I'm a PE teacher for a primary school, and I was asked to go on the residential trip. Of course my first thought was about the lack of sleep I'd get having to man the corridors, ensuring sixty 11 year olds stayed in their rooms and lights were out by 10. My next query was about the food that the accommodation would supply... the answer was a buffet style breakfast and dinner each morning and night, free of charge. In fact I was being paid to be there so technically I'm being paid to enjoy a buffet twice a day. The first morning came around and all of the children gathered in the dining room and collected their pathetic 1 sausage, 1 bacon, scrambled egg and some beans. Next up was my turn... waltzing over to the counter with a swagger and confidence, the guy serving the food whacks 3 sausages, 2 bacon, scrambled egg, mushroom, toast, hash browns and some disgusting tomato on my plate with the follow up 'if you need any extra, just come up and help yourself'. Music to my ears! I sat down with my glowing breakfast, ready to tuck in while the other teachers stuck with their bowl of rice crispies or jam on toast, about to tuck in to my plate until... I look up and see a child going for seconds.... A big lad he was, having polished off his junior breakfast, requests an extra sausage, a piece of toast and extra egg... Of course the generous catering staff were more than happy to top up the lads plate and back to his table he went.... this is when I knew I was in trouble... What kind of authoritive male role model would I be, if a CHILD could go up for extra and I sat there eating my puney singular plate... so after finishing my plate, I had to get up and top myself up, even tho I really did not fancy adding to the already substantial breakfast I had powered through, knowing the activities for the day were Kayaking, rock climbing and canoeing. So I settled for an extra rasher of bacon and toast. This exchange continued for the 4 days we were there... (Mexican night was not pretty) Anyway, I considered myself the winner as on the Friday the lad who I'd been competing with all week hadn't turned up for dinner... wondering why i asked one of the group leaders where he was and i got a response that made me feel both proud and content... 'he over did it at breakfast and has been hunched over the toilet all day'. Poor kid just couldn't compete. I bumped into him around five years later walking through the local supermarket, twice as tall and twice as wide, carrying a share bag of bbq crisps, family feast sized pizza and a 1L bottle of Fanta... I started to wonder whether I actually was the positive role model i set out to be... Cheers lads, love the pod x

Just checking in. Quick one on the meal deal hacks, in Co-Op they also let you have a 'snack' instead of crisps and their snacks include Ginsters sausage rolls and pasties. So you can grab a Sandwich, a pasty and a smoothie for £3.25. Absolute lunacy.

Missed out on this episode live, absolute brilliance as always lads.

Mad that True Geordie brings a bag into the gym

I once seen Nick Knowles at a breakfast buffet in Belfast. Safe to say I was star struck

All you can eat sushi place by me. 25 for anything, 50 if you dont finish. Its meant to prevent waste and people from over ordering. You can keep going back for more and ordering whatever you want (its great value), but don't waste.

was watching this pod at 4AM and spat my porridge out at the Bell comment from flav!

100% with James on the boots meal deal, a £2.80 pasta pot, £2 smoothie, and £2 beef jerky for £3.89 in the north

Just checkin in, love the pod boys. Fyi that beardsley story is a well known copy pasta from an old story about someone meeting someone they were a fan of and that happening, still funny after all these years tho lol

That Mcdonalds story reminded me of one of my happiest moments with an ex partner, she was a year out of college and still had a student card, we went to the Mcdonalds one day and ordered a few bits with "A free student hamburger" at the drive-thru. The person behind the tannoy replied "3 Hamburgers?"..."No, a free student hamburger"...We paid and parked up only to open the bag and find 3 free hamburgers smiling back at us, win!

Samism - Tony Bellew on True Geordie’s Pain Game podcast talking about AJ “Anthony Joshua only switches off when a fight gets too easy, there’s two rounds against Pulev where he’s emptied the sink and couldn’t get him out of there”. Good to know AJ always drains the sink after some washing up.

checking in lads, havent done that in a while

Arsenal would actually go above Spurs winning by 2 goals or more. More importantly, I’m loving the pod chaps

I’ve made it 25mins into the pod, knee deep in football chat, without a hint of buffet talk. What is going on.

He was mid gag on green schlong just as the room cleaner walked in. After her gasp of horror he just casually brushed it off with "silly me, I was having a snack on this cucumber and I forgot to bite". After she left he hid it under the pillow and legged it.

gym chat i think jims on to something there, its all about making sure that noone sees your nob twice you give em the first look, cheeky little freebie, but if youre still hanging about after enough time for the double glance, thats on you id say that leaves a 5-8 second window to get yourself sorted

Once I was having a breakfast buffet and sitting across from me was kris kamara there were several cheers Geoff but couldn’t look at his tactics

Hi,I’m a fairly new slug but I’m racking up the amount of appearances under my belt. My life hack is being disabled. Huh? You surely think that was the opposite but no! Remember how you used to que to get into shops.not for me and all I have to do is stick my tongue out and tilt my head and they let me in no questions asked! Now when your the shop lets say JD you want a bargain right? Simply go to a sales rack and peal off the price tag and reapply it to whatever you want and they don’t dare to challenge a friendly person in a wheelchair! Genuinely got the new Liverpool shirt for £15 pound. Now if James and flab are reading this they’re thinking how do I use my technique in the buffet? Well I say I can’t really eat that much so can pay a child price and they don’t even challenge me and you best believe I’m going though five plates! You two have the best podcast in the uk and like keep up the good work. Also it’s my 18th birthday on the Saturday after the Thursday when this comes out so I’ll let you two know how I get on in the clubbing world!

Hey James, hope you’re doing well and having a great day! 😊

I was trying to watch the Liverpool and Man City matches in the League cup, but I kept being drawn into the QPR - Everton game because it was so tight. Towards the end I fucked off the two other matches entirely and just willed QPR to win.

The Peter Beardsley is an elite reference to the Athletico Mince podcast if anyone has listened to them 😭

Was debating whether or not to watch the pod this week because I just knew that penalty shootout would pop up again

Buffet chat: agreed about the hashbrowns, for me you need to work your way through atleast 25% of the meal before even considering entering the hash brown quota on the plate. Also, always three hashbrowns, two sausages, two fried eggs and the rest takes care of itself. Just had to get that off my chest.

Quote of the pod: Flav: At this point? Thousands of dicks. James: And no one is capitalizing on this knowledge

You should never ask someone how long they will be on the equipment. Simply ask them to give you a nod when you are done. It’s only acceptable to do this, if the gym is incredibly busy.

Flav last week: gives a detailed analysis of Nottingham Forest Flav this week: I've never heard of Saul Niguez Didn't take him long to get back to normal 😂

I was in a big Tesco the other week and saw the one and only Gary Lineker I didn't say anything to him as he looked stressed out but a mere 5 minutes later I see him blatantly trying to walk out with a meaty variety pack of walkers, you know the 24 pack with roast chicken, smoky bacon, prawn cocktail and cheese and onion (don't know how prawn cocktail and cheese and onion have riddled their way in there as they aren't meat) and a shop assistant walks up to him and say "Mr match of the day man you can't just galavant out with a multitude of potato snacks" and Gary screams at the top of his lungs "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM! " and runs out the shop. Either way it was quite a eventful trip for some milk and eggs.

Jim doing his best "make-a-wish" kid impression with that beanie

I once bumped into Jaap Stam in a Wagamamas in Reading town centre a few hours after he was linked to join the club as manager. Having just seen the rumours, I approached him to see if they were true. He looked up at me as a wry smile crept onto his face. Before I could utter another word, stood up from his wife and kids, dragged me into the men's toilets and began fingering me whilst whispering "I'm Reading til I die" on repeat. Overall sound bloke, really down to earth.

I don’t know whether to be disgusted or proud of Flav. I’m in disbelief. He’s gone from the anti-christ of football on the pod to using such in the game term like “xg” and providing proper, analytical football chat. He’s coming after James’ role. Pushing the boundaries of what us little slugs know. Love it lads, keep it up

“I want you to put that plate to the side get a bigger plate and fill it up properly” I’m sure I’ve heard that before but nothing to do with breakfast buffets 🤔

as James said he stayed at the holiday Inn Stratford, I was standing outside the holiday Inn in Stratford. we live in a simulation

Flat white is meant to have more coffee in it (double shot, rather than single for latte). Hope this helps

Coop meal deal, you can grab a ginster’s steak bake as a snack, I repeat as a snack.

Tony Pulis dropped a #Samism during commentary of Southampton v Wolves on Sunday, confidently declaring that Wolves would be the happier at half time “without a question of a doubt”

Local politician Willum Þór Willumsson walked around Iceland with cucumbers and tomatoes to win their vote #x21

Breakfast Buffet Chat I went to Southend last weekend with my family and we decided to stay at a premier in. So after a long weekend of eating cockles and meandering along the coast, I thought on the day we left the Essex town (with my new found buffet knowledge from the previous episodes) I’d treat myself to a morning challenge for the slow Sunday drive home. I got to the reception and saw that they were charging £9 for an all you can eat buffet breakfast, for such a low price I instantly knew could easily get more than my money’s worth. So I grabbed my plate from the warmed rack and made my way over to the stainless steel chafing pans, filling my plate with the tried and tested 2 sausage, 2 bacon, tomato, fried egg, ladle of mushrooms and beans (they also had black pudding and hash browns which I wasn’t going to turn down from the challenge) - but here’s the ticket - I had a brainwave, instead of reaching over for the bread and stand for the rotation toaster, I stared down at the hash brown triangles on my plate, carefully manoeuvred them into a neat square and slid the egg atop the newly formed hash brown bed (this can also be done with the beans or however else you use your bread) I already thought that I was winning, not having to fill up on bread and getting a slightly more premium item. Using a coffee mug and filling it up with orange juice is also a fantastic way not to have to get up and re fill mid plate like with the usual thimble sized juice glasses provided. So I sat down with my mug and plate and tucked into 4 portions of the aforementioned breakfast, along with two heated up croissants and jam to round it off nicely. I didn’t eat for the rest of the day, not sure whether it was the calorie intake or the high from what I just went through but one thing was for sure, I felt had truly beaten the buffet, and that’s all that mattered.

41:15 Jamie Carragher: "THEEEERE"

Love the chicken wrap reference for Athletico Mince. Check it out boys Bob Mortimer’s football podcast. Extremely funny. Of course as a slug I must pledge my allegiance to Flav and James 🙌🏻

Jim could you turn Flav up a bit to equalize the volume? He speaks so quietly when I put it you on the office TV but you're always shouting.

Chris Wilder, that’s Numberwang

That Beardesley story is defo a copypasta. I heard the exact story except the tired shopper was Tony Hibbert

Sound for the mention lads. For what it's worth I do like Flav, I'm just too lazy to open Patreon 😂

Please keep the 'I once met...', it's incredible. So many copy pastas flying over James and Flavs heads.

Did a Samism the other day, after a long weekend of working I came home and told my mum I've been swept of my feet all weekend.

Cool hat James

T-shirt on but no pants is a bit Winnie the Pooh for me

Is "you've jumped off that bridge already" a Samism? Jim didn't pull himself up on it as a Samism, does it have to be a mixture of two phrases or just getting a phrase (like "cross that bridge when we come to it") wrong?

Any time stamp on when the NLD chat starts??🙃

Milky filter is my new band name

Justifiable title imo. Arsenal have scored just 2 goals in 5 league games. Spurs have scored just 3 goals in 5 league games. Some players in the league have scored more goals than these two teams have

I have now been watching the show since the start of the season but the current ongoing question is at which point do I reach official slug status? As soon as that happens u realise wow i am big time now I realise it’s time to got to my next buffet and bring my A game leave the kids at home and slug my way to Pizza Hut I thought to myself I shall tackle this buffet with ease but I didn’t I felt ashamed of myself I am not a slug I am just a little boy I shall return stronger next time.But ask urself how moist a slug really are you?

A friend on a night out once claimed to be as sober as a fiddle, a Samism can hit you at any time

Will the pod ever be changed to JAF, or is the recruitment process still happening for that extra member? The ‘for now’ suggests your still on the search

Pret chat? Less of that, slugs are greggs loyalists

I'm a Villa fan so OBVIOUSLY the Second City derby is the biggest one as far as I'm concerned, but I've always been more interested in watching the Merseyside, Manchester, Tyne/Weir or Black Country derbies than the North London one. Even Southampton v Portsmouth felt like a better derby to me. There's ALWAYS been something missing from Arsenal/Spurs, which I can't quite put my finger on, to the point where I don't even register that they're happening any more. That might just be me, but still 🤷‍♂️

On the gym chat. I tend to go to a climbing gym and there is a culture for some of the twats to walk around topless. These people are typically frequent climbers and as such are some of the better ones there. I have also noticed at that if they're doing a particular skillful climb they will start to loudy grunt just to alert everyone they aren't drawing enough attention. I know from my old gym days this regularly happens when people stack the weights high. I think it's safe to assume these people are high level nonces

“Nothing makes your penis look smaller than wearing a shirt” quote of the pod

1:09:01 did Jim just sneakily let one rip here?

Never heard of Saul Niguez?

This has 0-0 written all over it.

47:12 is a copypasta. Tut tut you naughty conniving slug you

Get Howson on Dream Teams

Chelsea’s net spend was +£2.1m on transfermarkt this window Flav what you on about 😂

As a bisexual slug, I can only support and endorse Flav's arms being a bit more experimental. On a seperate but related note, the idea that Flavs arms have an independent sexual identity to rest of Flav is also hilarious to me

Come on North London Derby? What happened to Spurs vs the scum

I once met Prince William in a night club I went to say hi but was so nervous all I could say was your nans on my money

Have you ever tried selling gear in the gym without hiding it in a bag? Very hard! 🤷🏼‍♂️😁

12:10 Arsenal fans are happy now? I am not especially after the start we have had to the season. Do not judge any fanbase or club by twitter fans.

Turn ya mic up flav

got to be getting the £2.50 me big skinny latte in your meal deals if you’re a real one

Samism from Jermaine Jenas on commentary "we see this this week on week out"

My story was 100% true... 🤥

The game at the Emirates is a big game , but the lack of ambition shown by ENIC will only matter at the end of the season. Better improving on 12 defeats and 18 wins and winning a pot, else it is empty banter. Hope team smashes 'em! COYS

Could you start an actual football podcast, James ?!