This is a hard video for me to make, but I need you to know the truth. I'm gay. I don't know what this means for my future, but I hope you'll stick with me as I figure it out.
Right?! I've been watching her stuff for the last 3 months and only just came across this. I'm amazed this was only a year ago! Last Year needs to hug This Year! I'm so proud of her!
@Skylar Landucci actually I'm sure your religion what ever that may be might have taught you that God is the only one that can judge and tbh I have bisexual family members and they are the kindest people I have EVER met, it also helped me to find out that I'm gay soooo....
As a bisexual woman married to a man who came out in part because of being inspired by you, thank you. I do not feel let down, I do not feel disappointed. it is not our fault the society places expectations on us and that there is a trope of bisexuality being used as a stepping stone to being fully gay. You did not lie, you did not deceive us. Discovering sexuality is a journey that looks different for everyone. I still love you just as much today as ever before. I know this was difficult news to share, but I am happy for you.
I feel the same. While I'm a bi girl in a long term relationship with a man, and while I liked 'claiming' you as a highly relatable ""'role model""", I like the idea of supporting you as an individual navigating the tricky terrain of love and attraction a whole lot more. I look forward to WAY MORE GAY CONTENT, PLEASE.
Yes!! It is so hard that with the stereotypes placed on LGBT people you feel a pressure to defy them, even if it's not true to who you are. No single person has to be "good representation", they just have to be themselves.
@Black Knight Fool "Gay" has been an umbrella term for the LGBTQ community for decades now, even though I understand that some gay men and people talking about them wish for an exclusive term for themselves. But I think it is a moot discussion at this point, because every day language use has already broadly changed past its exclusive narrow meaning.
When I first watched this I was upset. Not because she’s gay. Not because the wedding. But because it made me look at my own sexuality and question it. I repressed it so hard, I stopped watching RU-vid and stopped watching Alayna. Welp, I’m back. I’m not bi. I’m a lesbian. Thanks for helping me get there!
Bi here, not going anywhere either. Sexuality is super complicated for some of us. Some of us have to go through a labyrinth to figure ourselves out. I hope everything for you works out.
@Nora LallyYou do not have the right to make judgements on someone else's life decisions. It's nonsensical to stop being a relationship with a person you have no sexual attraction to?
Exactly! You are an amazing human. And some of us have been watching your videos for many years, and seen the subject matter change with you. But that is life. Change and growth.
People undervalue platonic relationships. I'm glad to hear your relationship with Dallas, while changed, is still full of as much love as it was pre-realisation :) I hope you're doing well. I'm sure this was a very difficult thing to go through, and I know what a realisation like that can shift within you xXx
Absolutely! I more believe in soul circles. There are people we belong with and who belong with us. That doesn’t mean they are meant to stay in our lives in the same way. This happened with my first love. He’s gay. I will always love him, but as a brother. I love his husband. I feel like I’m an auntie to their boys. We don’t see each other every day. I’m happily married to an amazing man. Nonetheless, we still keep in touch because we still belong in each other’s lives.
Not so much. Just until a new relationship comes along. Then that person will want and desire the intimacy, and the platonic person will fall away, organically.
@@skully6223 I'm in the same kind of situation, so I totally emphasize with you. Glad you figured it out and hope you can move on from this challenge to live your life to the best 💪
DEE SKULLY I don’t mean this as offensive I’m just quite confused and would love to grow and learn more about the community so if you’re saying your a trans guy does it mean you’re now a guy? Sorry if it’s offensive, I just really want to learn xx
I am a heterosexual male. However, I came across your channel because I was trying to help a seriously lovely friend of mine who found herself opening up to me. She is still so reserved and confused. However, she so loved what you have done and what it has done to help her realise that she is gay. Thank you for helping my lovely friend. I hope it is ok to tell you this, Alayna. You are awesome!
THIS is why we need representation when we’re kids and why being gay shouldn’t be treated as taboo! Comphet is literally so hard to deal w and i’m happy you finally know yourself and are comfortable enough to share w us🤍
The thing is, even nowadays, since we get a lot more representation, teens are still afraid to come out, even if they know their parents could and will accept them. It's mostly because it's not common in the population and anything different is a lot to handle for people.
“I felt like I was suffocating”. This is more relatable to anything you have said about you being bisexual. WE SUPPORT YOU. Sexuality is a spectrum and at least I understand why you suppressed it. And it’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok. We love you.
I'll be honest I find the double standard slightly hilarious, "your bisexual so go have relationships with woman to explore that side of yourself". But not with guys, why because he was one, like did he not realize that the likely hood of this happening even if she wasn't lesbian was large. And based on what she said he looks like an even bigger Pleeb cause clearly she had a much larger physical interest and attraction in women. I have no problem with her realizing her homosexuality and ending things i think he looks like a fool though.
@@wlev123 if he didn't let her explore then she might not have known she was gay till much later. he was trying to help her understand who she was, and she did find out. she was already having a relationship with a dude so why explore with another guy? i don't really understand what your saying. they felt their relationship was strong enough for her to experiment.
Monogamy is a choice. People in relationships can design them however they choose to, regardless of any standard that society may set. Her boyfriend showed her the ultimate act of love and respect by supporting her growth. He also showed a lot of maturity and security within himself. It's comforting to know people like that exist in the world.
Lephiz but it’s not. Maybe in your bubble (not saying that cruely, just meaning your family friends) it’s not something that comes up, but this is actually more common than you think.
@@skwanchisanchi878 Dallas only allowed her to explore her bisexuality because somewhere in his mind he saw three way sex on the horizon. I as a man understand his logic behind the whole relationship.
I'm sitting here crying with you Alayna, because when I watched this video for the first time, it stirred up something deep inside of me. I tried to battle it as hard as I could but now, nine months later, I finally broke up with my wonderful male partner of three years because I simply cannot be with a man, and it's your coming out video that helped me make sense of what I was feeling. So thank you.
As a lesbian who identified as bi for upwards of 4 years, this is such an important video to me. Figuring out you don’t like men is such a difficult thing in a society that centers around attraction to men. Thank you for posting this.
Annika Bergstrom yeah I agree! I am going through this now my mom is very very religious and gets very upset when people talk about my sexuality or my interest in woman
"It was like being into men was just a given" THIS!!!!!!! Alayna I've been following you for years, I think I've probably subscribed to you when I had just come out as bi and I watched your vid also coming out as bi... and now I'm literally going through the SAME thing as you: realizing that no I'm not bi, I'm actually just gay 😂. I relate so much to what you just said you have no idea. Growing up I also had crushes on boys and I always thought that I couldn't be fully gay because of that but the more I allow myself to crush on women and date them and imagine a life with them I realize that I just can't picture myself doing that with a guy ever (meaning that I've probably just liked those guys because of compulsory heterosexuality). Alayna your videos have always been there for me and I'm so thankful that you share your life with us so we'd feel less alone. I wish you the best and I promise I'll always be here to support your channel, I love you girl 💕
exactly... happening the same to me; we all gonna be okay, as said sexuality is a spectrum and it's fine to take our time to understand where we feel we fit the best
I had a very similar experience... Right now bisexual homoromantic or even heteroflexible homoromantic are feeling most accurate for me (though queer is definitely my go-to because those are a mouthful!). I always assumed that the attraction I felt for men was the metric I should measure my attraction in general by, so I had these crushes on guys once in a while but just never wanted to actually date them-I consciously thought for each of them, even the most long-term and intense crushes, that I wouldn't say yes even if they randomly asked me out and that I really just wanted to be friends! I thought that was typical heterosexuality and that I just had commitment issues or something, even though that didn't fit with my personality at all. And then one girl seemed like she could have been expressing romantic interest in me and I was immediately giddy at the thought and when we started dating (though we've broken up now) I wanted to be with her long-term in like two seconds. Compulsory heterosexuality is quite the drug! I'm so glad that I found RU-vidrs like Alayna and Ash Hardell or I might have thought I was 100% straight for even longer. Wishing all of us figuring out this confusing mess that is sexuality luck. 💗
@@embroideredatlas4288"I always assumed that the attraction I felt for men was the metric I should measure my attraction in general by" THIS THIS THIS. THis x100, I never had the words to describe this feeling. ♥
“I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn’t realize I was holding my breath.” You don’t know till you know, ya know. Thanks for sharing this scary thing with us. I am proud of you. Life’s a journey. Here’s to things staying interesting!
Maybe it was better not to have a wedding then get married and think certain things could have been worked out....and end up getting divorced anyways....think of all the relationships you have been in and it ended...exactly pretty easy right....
I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must of been for you to record, let alone build up the courage to talk about. Been a fan for almost a decade now (7 years at least) and i've said it many times before but there is very little you can do for me to not be a fan. Your mental health videos have helped me immensely and regardless of anything that happens i genuinely wish you nothing but the best and that you find solace, answers, comfort, anything that can help you along your journey ! Wishing you nothing but the best, for Dallas as well, i loved his interactions and he too deserves the world, like yourself. You got this Alayna : )
You said "and I'll lose some of you here" and that line just made me feel the opposite. It made me say "I want to support this girl". I hope you feel proud of who you are.
When you said that "it was like being into men was just a given" I felt so seen. I have been struggling for so long to come to grips with my own sexuality and I came out as bi, but I have started to realize that just isn't true, so thank you for sharing this, thank you so much.
As a Real Life Confirmed Bisexual who’s been watching your bi content for years, I’m not at all upset about any of this. I don’t watch you because of your bisexuality, I watch you because of how comfortable you always seemed being the truest version of yourself that you were aware of. So now that you’re aware of a truer version of you, I’d damn well hope you lived consistently with it! That’s been the message I’ve taken from your channel all along. Sending love, I hope both of you are taking care of yourself, and if you happen to speak to Dallas you can send him some love from me as well.
Alayna this is something that you need to hear from my heart to yours: You keep saying that what you had on this channel was a lie and felt like a lie because of what you knew or were trying to figure out about yourself. But I'm here to tell you it wasn't a lie. It wasn't a lie because that's the truth you could give at the time and one you might have been wishing was the truth, and you don't have to apologize for that. Your truth and words at that time has helped millions of people and touched the lives of so many. Regardless, your compassion and vulnerability you have shared over the years on this channel has helped me tremendously and so many others in ways I can't articulate in a youtube comment. I've been here since that first coming out video, and you helped me accept myself for who I am, and strangely enough just as you make this video I have recently begun to question myself in similar ways you have even though I have been identifying as bi for about 5 years now too. (lmfao crazy how that works huh?) I know how difficult it can be to leave a person you've been through so much of life with and how it feels scary and foreign and learning how to be alone again is weird. But I can also tell you that in this past year of learning how to navigate my own life and being my own person again has given me the space to grow into someone I didn't know was inside of me. Don't apologize for your story. You would never tell anyone else to, so be kind to yourself the way you would be to me or anyone else here in this amazing community you have built. I am proud of you. I am proud of Dallas. I am sending you both so much love and energy during this time, and I know you will both come out of this as strong and better people. We love you and are here for you no matter what.
the love behind this comment is something so needed these days and it made me cry. I fully agree with what you have said Bianca, I know your journey will lead you to a place of happiness and say to you Alayna
Aylén Arizaga He did. He loved so much he became the godfather of one of her children, left her a lot of money after he died and she’s the one who knows where his ashes are. So no biggie.
Clarina Mascarenhas I have a friend who knew she always wanted to marry a man and have a family, but she couldn’t deny that she also loved women. She has a husband that is okay with her needing love from a women, and he is the only man for her (she loves him so much). They have a great relationship. It’s other people who simply sit and observe the relationships of others that complicate things far more than they are or need to be.
Ari Arredondo I’ve been in relationships with boys and I always realise the relationship I had with the only girl I was with like felt stronger or more like attractive to me it’s so hard to explain but it felt more loveable even tho all my relationships have been great. I think about her constantly and wish I never ended it due to fear of my family’s thoughts but at the end of the day that was then and now is now. It’s so sad what happened but as long as your open to your partner and tell him how devastated you are she passed. Even if you just explain it in a platonic way and like dance around the truth it can be nearly as the same as telling him the whole truth. Hope everything gets easier sending love your way❤️
It really sucks when things are just sad for everyone and there’s no one to blame. I feel really bad for you for having to suppress feelings and getting anxiety from struggling with this. I feel bad for Dallas for any guilt he may be feeling about having a relationship for this long when you were gay the whole time. Of course you guys weren’t stuck together, because you chose this and if either of you were unhappy with each other as people, you would have ended it but you are just two genuinely very good people, and good together. You both still have your whole life ahead of you, you can live authentically now.
BelleBee that’s a very good point, and I appreciate your thoughtfulness in writing that all out. I was referring to a specific person to blame or something like that. It’s just the unfairness of an absurd world that brought two wonderful people people together at the right time, only for them to not be able to share the same type of love. Comp-het didn’t make it Dallas who was the other victim in this, but we are very sad it is Dallas because he deserves to be happy as well.
at least you realized while you're still young and not married. my mom didn't realize she was gay until after she had 2 kids and married 2 different men. she's happy now at least and has a girlfriend. I hope you will be happy someday soon as well
bluecannibaleyes you do realize... a lot of the older LGBT community were raised in a time where they couldn’t come out? So they were forced into trying to live society’s standards of a normal lifestyle?
@wtfyoudoing People in this country have not been forced to marry or have kids anytime in recent history. These are major life events that have a string of conscious choices leading up to them. I don’t understand how someone can sleep with multiple guys multiple times and be unaware that they didn’t like it. Did it ever occur to you that our modern society’s standards that celebrate alternative sexualities and encourage people to ‘experiment’ might be influencing people to shy away from being a boring ol’ heterosexual? Being gay is practically a bragging right nowadays.
@@bluecannibaleyes Some people who were not raised to believe homosexuality is an option rationalize their experiences. It is easy enough to say "I must just not really enjoy sex like other people seem to" rather than accept being gay.
@@bluecannibaleyes totally not true. Some people dont want to have sex but have sex because it is something that is expected. A person cant know they are gay if they are not aware of their own feelings. Stop trying to pin people into ur own feeling just because you cant understand why they do things. So you justify it into something you believe. I dislike ppl like you, who try to tell others it must be how u say because you said it. Sometimes people just dont know who they are, period.
"no bitch! you're not demiromantic, you're gay!" oof i feel that...not to invalidate aromanticism or asexuality, but i went through something similar in high school where i was convinced that i was both aromantic and asexual. I just couldn't imagine myself with anyone and sexual attraction didn't make sense to me. And maybe being young was also a factor here. I never had a typical pubescent "sexual awakening" and I think that's because I just understood the world through a straight lens. And I wasn't interested in that, so asexual and aromantic were labels that I felt really "got" me. Idk what changed (I got older??) but in college I suddenly realized "hmm girls exist" and suddenly that sexual awakening happened and i was like "oh shit! i'm just gay!" So in that sense I relate to what you're going through rn. Internalised homophobia and heteronormativity are really shitty :|
I'm bi and when I was coming to terms with my sexuality I watched a lot of videos yours included. You helped me so much to feel validation in myself, self worth, and understanding of my sexuality and eventouh it turns out you're actually gay all of the work you've done for the bi community is still valid and I thank you for that.
Same for me. But suddenly I'm also afraid to be in the same case, bi shakes easily when famous/inspiring bi people turn to be gay or straight because it make them (me) hear more strongly this little society voice who screams BISEXUALITY DOESN'T EXIST YOU PIECE OF CRAP I'm both sad and very happy for our girl but in the same time I'm not in a good place rn...
Yes, exactly. thank you Alayna, you have helped me to be more accepting of my Bi sexuality and I am glad that you understand yourself better now. I wish you all the love and luck as you move forward knowing who you are 💜💜💜
I also wanna say: Dallas is the most acepting straight man I ever heard about. He is such a loving and caring person. I am glad you guys still love each other.
LL she wasn’t cheating on him. He encouraged her to explore her sexuality. I’m not sure what labels or terms they used but it sounds like an open relationship or polyamory. As long as everyone in the relationship is open and honest. He wanted her to be happy and he knew it would make her happy.
So, he's only accepting for a "straight man"? Why did you have to mention his sexual orientation or gender when mentioning that he's an accepting person?
I haven't watched all the way through yet, but I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it'll be okay. I'm here to support you no matter what. Whether that's a break or rants or what ever else you need. I love you (and Dallas). You're strong and you will get through this. ❤️
Sweetie, I hope you'll read it. I'm 47, bi, from Israel. It took me 30 years to think that maybe I'm bi and 10 years more to be sure I'm bi. Sexuality is complicated. You are young, explore. You are healthy, have a job, family, friends. Everything is ok. You are still you❤
Compulsory Heterosexuality is one hell of a drug. In all seriousness Alayna, your videos helped me on my coming out journey and I'll always be so grateful for that. I'm so happy that you are ready to express who you are, I cant imagine how scary this would have been for you. 💕💕
“I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn’t realise I was holding my breath.” Wow. This bit really hit hard. Wishing you all the happiness and love
To paraphrase the mom scene in Love Simon: "But these last few years, more and more, its almost like I could feel you holding your breath...you are still you...but you get to exhale now, you get to be more you, than you've been in a very long time. You deserve everything you want"
@@olivialesbian1578 eh I went to the video, and wrote it out but took out the simon specific parts. The "you get to exhale now, simon" just blew me away and I burst into tears the first time I heard it. And Alayna saying she could breath again now...well it reminded me of that.
"I feel like I can breathe, when for years I didn't realize I was holding my breath" - Wow, that resonated with me. I've never seen your videos before but I'm so glad this one popped up in my feed.
I hope no one starts talking FOR Dallas here, he’s a grown ass man, they talked, they were very open about their relationship. No one should shame either side in this scenario.
I thought this was gonna be a click bait for “covid-19 delaying the wedding” or something like that... and now I’m sitting here shocked. I’m sad for you and Dallas, but I’m happy for you, that you’re being true to yourself ❤️ and we will be here no matter what
That's what I thought too! I'm still shocked but I'm happy for her. I had to take a break and bake (it helps me fight anxiety). I'm glad she realised that now and that she's on her journey to be true to herself too :)
i can really relate to you saying you "never questioned liking boys because it was the given" but when you started being with women you understood what its suppose to feel like . i thought i was bisexual in middle school but now im realizing im a lesbian and this video makes me feel valid, thank you
Man this hits hard. Redoing your coming out is so, so hard. I did it too. I’m still doing it. Alayna, we love you so much. And we support you no matter what. We love you for you. Nothing can change that.
It's like. The first time in an accepting place is the easiest. Then people are "ok. You are apparently this." Then later they think you know know. And it changes
I thought this was going to be an announcement with a clickbaity title about the wedding being cancelled because of COVID. I'm so sorry that you are going through this tough transition. Speak your truth and love & light will be coming your way 💖
My story is so similar to yours. 14 years and two kids later, my (now ex) husband asks “is it possible your a lesbian?” and just like you, something clicked and I couldn’t unsee it. We were split a month later. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
"oh we are all so small, and it doesn't matter, none of this matters- oh my god I'm having a crisis." ....this is an important video but GOD did I feel this akdjsk
Alayna having an existential crisis triggered by a landscaper is very relatable. In all seriousness, this is such a difficult thing to go through but I promise it is so necessary for your happiness going forward. We love you here no matter what, and take all the time you need to figure this new chapter of your life out!
I'm so happy that Dallas is still there for you through everything. You guys truly have an amazing bond. I wish nothing but the best for you, Alayna, and I am very supportive of your decision to come to terms with who you are.
What you said about the confirmed bisexual merch really hit home. I always thought I was bi because yes, I knew I liked women, but only recently I started to question if I really liked men. The thought had never crossed my mind that I didn’t like men because I sort of took that as a given my whole life. I’m so proud of you for figuring this out and I hope you know that we support you!
That was extremely brave. After the years you've been in this relationship; to be honest with yourself; to be honest with Dallas. I am amazed at how strong you are. The two of you, really. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your life. Your truth. You are an amazing person. All the love to you and your loved ones.
"I was activity participating in heterosexuality" That hit me like a wave of oceans cause same sis, same! It took me a marriage, a baby boy & a divorce later to realize my sexuality! #ComfirmedBisexual 💙💜💗💙💜💗💙💜💗💙💜💗 Sending you love & light on your journey of gayxpolration, hun! 💋
Oof. Here as a 27 year old, recently split from my husband as of a week ago because I thought I was pan and he suggested I see other people. Fast forward, I'm gay and have a girlfriend and he and I are co-existing as friends. Sending so much love to you and it's wild to see me essentially looking into a mirror.
- hey that two genders shit was really off topic, did you just need to rant about? like im nonbinary and I completely disagree, but i’m just confused about where it came from?
Benji Reil right? I did try to educate tem on how gender is a social construct and not a binary/biological thing. I asked the same thing, if they were ok, cause it was really out of nowhere.
Alana, this is hard and this is such a difficult situation, but I'm really proud of you and happy that you're continuing your journey of self discovery. I wish you all the best as you move forward
“like a fog has been lifted, like i can finally breathe, when for years i didn’t know i was holding my breath.” as a lesbian, i’ve also been there. my deep rooted internalised homophobia kept me from accepting myself long after i came out as gay, which isn’t very typical, but it was also something i wasn’t aware that i was holding myself back from. i am so proud of you and i can’t imagine how difficult this has been for you to deal with for so many years. wishing you the best
One side of me is sad, because I am a bisexual. Truly, I am. And it kinda hurts to see this, bc it furthers the stereotype that we're just confused. And I'm MAD at myself, for feeling like that toward you. Bc on the other hand I'm SO HAPPY for you. I genuinely am overjoyed that you found who you were. I'm so sorry sorry it's a little bitter sweet. I can't wait to watch you grow and discover more about yourself ❤
@@smolselene9453 "Bisexual" can be used as either an adjective or a noun, just like we can talk about "a lesbian" or "the gays." Most dictionary sites list both uses of the word.
I found out my pan bestie was straight. He didn't want to tell me because he was ashamed (?) for some reason. But I'm like no, I'm glad you found out something new about yourself.
I recently realised that I'm a lesbian after thinking I was bi for 5 years and this video is very very relatable. I never dated men but never questioned my attraction to them until the past 6 months and now it all seems really obvious and I can't unsee it. I've been really active in bi meetups and support groups and even met most of my friends through that. Now I'm going through the process of telling people that I'm actually gay and it's really nice to see someone else who has a similar experience. Wish you nothing but love and support xxxx
Alayna, most likely this comment will be lost but I feel the need to do so. You are one of the best in this platform. As a bisexual, you gave us representation and we have loved every part of it. You effort and the love you deposited into it is real and that is what matters. We love you.
This gives me anxiety like what if this is Me? Im really sad because I don't know many bisexuals and now she's saying otherwise :( so like who can I relate to
@@jennifersitha09 I don't know if this biphobia but this makes me sad because I've heard people say bisexuals are confused or just realize otherwise. I've recently confirmed I'm bisexual like I've known it but never really expressed it to myself. many thoughts came to my mind like what if I'm not what if I'm wrong and this sort of situation happens to me. I get so anxious when I over analyze my feelings. I even thought what if I'm wrong and im long in a relationship. There isn't much bisexual RU-vid'rs who I can look for. I don't have many friends either who are part of the LGBTQ community :(
@@FatAssAdventures maybe Melanie Murphy? Im sending loads of love by the way 💜 I know it's scary to feel like you're the only one, but you truly are not. There are sooo many amazing bisexual people out There. Have you checked out Melanie Murphy and Bisexual Real Talk?
Yvette Davila I understand the feeling of not having people that you can relate to or feeling like you’re just going through a phase. However, this video is not implying that bisexuality is just a phase to becoming gay. Bisexuals are real and valid, but many gay people identify as bi at first because we are taught that heterosexuality is inherent or implied. This is especially true for women because we grow up thinking that we need to revolve our lives around men. Sorry I know this message is long but I just want to let you know that you are valid no matter what you identify as and it is perfectly okay to change that identity as you get older and realize more about yourself. I wish you all the best! 💗🏳️🌈
@Miss O’Genist it isnt an "just an act", you only say that because you dont know what she is going thru and how hard it is to deal with what she had to deal with. and even if it was just an act it would still be a hell of a great thing to do, because she inspires others to be honest with themselves and with the others. sexualty isnt an easy thing to figure out, and it is a horrible experience to feel the confusion that she felt.
Compulsory heterosexuality is one hell of a beast. I'm glad you're able to realize what you really want now. Wishing you love 💕and we're not going anywhere
everyone who thinks sexuality is a choice rather than just who you are should watch this and realize how little choice we have over our sexuality and how many of us are terrified and confused by it. how could we be confused if we’re “choosing it”
Hi! I just would like to offer a different perspective on this by pointing this really great video if you have time!: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-RjX-KBPmgg4.html. #lovewins
Ariana Ng I can see this perspective and obviously everyone’s experience is different. but my sexuality isn’t a choice and I always have been gay even when I didn’t want to be. yes it is fluid and some people change over the years. I guess I was more dramatic than I should’ve been. my argument is basically that sexuality isn’t a choice.
Thank you for making this video. I thought I was bi for 6 years, I realized I wasn't attracted to men, I needed men to be attracted me. This made me feel seen and validated. Thank you. Tiktok also made me gay and introduced me to my girlfriend.
@@recklessroges - think I've got you beat lol Great courage to come out to self, much less the world Alayna xo I was bisexual & married for 17 + years- guess it's time to start properly dating my preferred gender now ♀️
I also just have been coming to this conclusion after thinking I was bisexual for the last 10 years and I appreciate having you come out and telling us
Legit said omg out loud when I saw this. At first, I thought it was clickbait. But wow I was so wrong. Bless her for being so strong and honest with herself and everyone around her!!!
hou loa initially I thought it was click bate too but then I remembered she was going through something and I knew it had to be true but I was also confused with the coming out again thing I was genuinely shocked I did not see it coming
I've identified as lesbian for the most part of my life. Then I started feeling sexual attraction to men but I thought that I don't develop feelings for them. Eventually I did though and I am in a relationship with a man right now. But I miss women. And I've told him that. I love him, but it doesn't compare to the passionate love I had for women. I don't feel comfortable with the bisexual label but I feel comfortable with HIM. I REALLY WISH we would stop looking for labels to stick on us. We as human beings are way too complex and constantly evolving to be labeled. I am me. And I loved women, now I love a man, what will come in the future I don't know but I WON'T LIMIT MYSELF BY LABELS! love is love after all.
wow! i've read a few stories about lesbians developing feelings for men but incapable of feeling sexual attraction to them but never the other way around 😮
I fully agree with this! Sexuality is often a spectrum, and sometimes fluid. And love is love. And attraction is made up of so many aspects - lust, desire, sexuality, affection, emotional intimacy, understanding, humour, respect, intellectual stimulation, mutual connection, soulmate-ism. Basically, it's all good! 💗
I'm glad the comments are so overwhelmingly positive. My longest relationship was with someone who said they were bi and then turned out to be gay. Turns out I was trans, so it's a weird story to tell now. Life is weird, gender and sexuality are weird. You really just have to roll with the punches. You're a gem and I'm glad to be following you!
Heteronormativity is no joke. My straight family and friends don't believe it exists but I generally thought I was broken because I didn't like guys. My friends used to say that I just hadn't met the right guy yet. Being gay wasn't even considered.
"The thought of confirming if I was into men never crossed my mind". This is it. I found your channel when I still thought I was bi and I immediately fell in love with how sure you were. I was at the end of high school when I figured out I liked girls and I never really questioned if the crushes I had on boys before were actually a thing. So I went on for years thinking I was bisexual without actually being interested in (and sometimes even avoiding) any relationships with men. And every once in a while I would have these moments where I was like 'AM I GAY?' but then brushing it off because, of course, I had crushes on boys before, I think that Oscar Isaac is hot, I am bi. So I spent like four years not even considering dating a man and thinking I was bi. It wasn't until the beginning of last year, during an anxiety attack, I told my friend I thought I was actually gay and I was so scared, which is stupid, but we do get the feeling that we were lying to people all this time and that we're harming the bisexual community somehow when actually it just took us a while longer to figure it out. So from a "former" pride bisexual and now actual pride lesbian, I wanna tell you that it's okay and this happens. Yeah, it sucks, but it happens. We're with you, Alayna.
Thank you for being brave enough to be so unflinchingly honest. Your story helps. It took me 13 years and 3 kids to finally accept that I wasn’t bisexual. I too had the loveliest, most supportive man that I didn’t want to lose but I had to set him free. I loved him but I wasn’t in love with him and there was no attraction.
thank you for wAiSTING 10 YEARS OF THAT POOR MANS LIFE i bet u really hurt him as well i hope that u will someday be remorsfull for what you have done to him
@@tiaminardi4914 NO THAT HAPPENED TO ME AND AT TIMES THERE IS STILL A PAINFUL SPOT IN MY LIFE YES SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT THE WAISTED YEARS IN MY LIFE FOR WHAT SHE DID TO ME
you're so strong and i can't even imagine what this is like for you. I found your bisexual coming out story when i was a senior in high school and it was my lightbulb moment where i realized that i was bi. i resonated with you on a level that i still to this day haven't with anyone else when it comes to my sexuality. i remember watching it over and over again and crying with relief after finally figuring out why i had been feeling the way that i was. i hope that this story, your true story, can do this for someone else. i cried watching you break down in the beginning knowing that what was about to be said would be heartbreaking. you have been "there" for me in all of my doubts and questions and self-discoveries with my sexuality and i can't wait to support you through yours in the coming years. sending all my love.
I literally always just sit there and think about my sexuality for agess...Sexuality is weird af..I like guys,I like girls but my feelings for both are so different..
Shit same. I’m sitting here watching this. I have a huge crush on this girl. But I still flirt with men? It’s like I don’t know another way. But like I always say I’m bi. But I’ve never experience sexual pleasure with men. I’ve only had one real gf and honestly the emotions were just... way stronger but I’m always so confused. Hoping I’ll find the person who will just HELP ME KNOW what I am. Sexuality is the longest con because you never know you were faking something until you find out what is actually REAL.
Mia Bermudez, you sound like a lesbian dealing with comphet. Ultimately, your label doesn’t matter that much and nothing dramatic will happen if you use the “wrong” label (if there’s even such thing, I mean in the end you’re the one who defines YOUR labels). But if you’re interested in finding out more, Google “Am I a lesbian masterlist” ;)
@@alexlesbean8739 don't know about all that but what I do know is there is no such thing as bisexual, never met one that stayed that way cuz bisexual is just another term for fence sitting until they decide what their preference is and I understand lesbians cuz lesbians are women with extra emotion cuz women are more sensitive and emotionally charged then men are, so a lesbian is someone who has ever higher sensitivity and even more emotionally charged than you're average woman and men can't keep up with that so naturally they turn to other women who are more emotionally mature but somehow they never end up lasting....plus there are more women then men in the world so it makes sense.........
I read something on twitter once that has kind of stuck with me and maybe it was because I was in the middle of the process or because I never really put much thought into it beforehand...and it may sound simple or obvious, but someone said that discovering you are a lesbian comes in two steps and in this order, 1. You realize you like women and 2. You realize you do not like men. And I think it's strange because the space between 1 and 2 is different for everyone. For some, 2 could come very quickly, almost feeling seamless with 1, but for others it could take years. I feel like in some cases getting through that second step is more difficult and just as terrifying as realizing you like women. And with that comes it's own type of denial and confusion because like you said, maybe it wasn't something you even thought to question about yourself - because it was always just something expected of you that you went along with. I've struggled with that second step. There were days I would be so confident that I didn't like men and then randomly there would be a day I felt like I was talking myself in circles, second guessing myself. It can be very frustrating. Thinking you figured out who you are and being comfortable in that for a while and then realizing you were wrong is a scary thing. I just want to say that I think you're brave and I'm proud of you and that you are doing great, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes
This comment was wonderfully written ❤ as I'm someone who grew up with yt and that how I figure out the LGBTQIA community and I always felt a fresher to figuer out my labor and I came out as bi. Which feels the most comfortable to be. Your comment and this video just really remind me how much I wished it was okay for us to not know, for us to just say all I know is I'm not straight or something like that. Because that is totally okay! Thank you for this comment💖
Look up "compulsory heterosexuality." I originally came out as gay in my early 20s (I'm 52 now). Or tried to. Then comp-het kicked in and I had this wonderful guy friend who I just clicked with. Oh! I must be straight after all! We got married and were for 14 years. He decided at some point he just didn't want to be married and we split. And that freedom gave me time to realize that, no, I'm 100% gay. But he's the only person I've ever truly loved. But love doesn't have to equal romance or sexual attraction. I have a very deep connection (love) with my best friend... and there is no romance there. But comp-het, society, said, "Honey, that's love and you should be attracted to this man." I like to give my best friend (we've been friends for 34 years) a hard time... like instead of just assuming I was straight but, like you, I had compartmentalized that gay part of my life... she should have said, "No, dude. You're totally gay." Haha! A lot of women feel they're bi because of this (I'm NOT saying bi/pan isn't a thing because I know too many bi/pan folk to think otherwise and if someone says they're bi or pan, they know themselves best)... I just think a lot of people might identify that way as they're trying to figure things out... or it's easier to deal with society. So if you know you're not bi, but thought you were before, that's 100% valid. I mean, I actually thought I was straight for a good chunk of my life! 😂 Knowing yourself and being true to yourself is often a hard road, but it's so worth it!! Good for you!!
there's a realy great lesbian master doc arround thr internet that talks about compulsory heterosexuality, I think it saved me!! fellow confused wlw, look it up!!
@@rebe6132 Yes, on Reddit's "Late Blooming Lesbians" subreddit. I had already been on this journey and stumbled on it. It helped with the whole "but I also had crushes on guys" thing. I used to feel pressure if I thought a guy was cute to suddenly feel something more. And I'd think, "Oh, I guess I could see myself with him." Without ever really feeling it. Now I'm so relieved when I see a guy that I think, "Wow...he's really handsome" and that's it. I was confused by that, but my best friend said, "Now you understand what I mean when I say I have a girl crush. They are beautiful, smart, funny, whatever... but I don't want to sleep with them." Talk about an a-ha moment!
I relate to this so hard. I always dated men, have a child with a man, and I couldn’t possibly be more gay. I never even though I might be gay, I just thought it was normal for me to not be happy or like sex. Then the girl that became my first girlfriend started flirting with me and (again didn’t even think about it) so naturally I was into it and after experiencing all these things with her it couldn’t be more clear that I’m just gay. And WHAT A RELIEF that I can be so happy, fulfilled, and sex is unreal. I’m just gay!! 😂
As someone who married a guy who couldn’t accept that he was gay until 8 months after we were wed, thank you for being HONEST with your fiancé. He never said anything about those feelings until we had spent 7 years in a monogamous relationship. It was funny because I totally related to you seeing the guy outside and realizing how small you are. The same thing happened to me in restaurants when I realized MY world was crashing down and none of the people in the restaurant had any idea or cared. I now thank my ex-husband for releasing me from a love that wasn’t completely reciprocated, because I’ve found someone who can reciprocate that kind of love that I only THOUGHT I was experiencing with my ex-husband.
Miss O’Genist He went to a therapist after we had a big fight the night prior, came home and said “Well, the therapist says I’m gay, but I don’t think that’s true.” The next seven months were a rollercoaster of him going between identifying as gay, bisexual, and straight over and over. At that point I told him, “If you’re gay, just tell me. It’s OK.” And then he confirmed it and said he couldn’t do it before because he loved me so much that he couldn’t understand how he could be gay. Similar thought to what Alayna said in her video.
Miss O’Genist He said he didn’t know he was gay. But I can’t really answer that question; that would be his story to tell. He was from a conservative rural area and I am from a religious home. I would not have known. Ours was my first serious relationship and I didn’t know what was “normal” or “abnormal” behavior. When I look back, I can’t see it any clearer but I CAN see that he was resentful toward me and treated me rather poorly. But, this person also turned out to be a con artist. Opened credit cards in my name during those 8 months of marriage without my knowledge and racked up $20k in debt. Didn’t find that part out until I started getting calls from debt collectors six months after we split. So, the situation just had a lot of nuances to it besides the coming out as gay.
Miss O’Genist Yeah, it was rough. It took me two years before I got into another serious relationship. It became very hard to trust others but also it became difficult to trust my own judgement because I thought I knew this person and I really didn’t. I also had to build back my self esteem. I still notice some repercussions today and it’s been five years since we split. But, I’m grateful for what the experience taught me.
This comment will probably get buried but I have to say it. In high school I identified as bi, and I found your channel and watching your videos about your coming out journey gave me the courage to start coming out to people. A few years ago once I started college I had the same realization that I'm actually gay. It was something that I didn't want to admit to myself and kept shoving it down until about a year ago when I finally couldn't take it anymore. Having to come out for the second time was one of the scariest things ever. I still haven't told all the people I need to because I was scared. Watching this video now, my heart goes out to you. All the reasons you had for telling yourself you were bi were the exact same things I had told myself. When you said "It was like being into men was just a given" that really resonated with me.I know this must be a hard time for you, but I'm happy you get to be true to yourself from now on ❤️ Best of luck to you.
When lockdowns started I said that it would definitely make or break a lot of relationships, and this is probably one of the nicer stories along those lines that I've heard thus far. I'm glad you found your truth.
Moira Black what she is saying is that the close quarters of the quarantine where you stay confined with your significant other for much more time than you are used to can make or break relationships as small things that bother both parts will add up more frequently and incompatibilities that once could be shrugged off are put in evidence and most couples nowadays don’t know how to deal with it. There are a lot of projections about the number of divorces growing after the end of the quarantine.
As a woman who has also thought of myself as bisexual but had recently realized I’m gay and had to end a 4 year with relationship with a man I was engaged to, I absolutely relate to this and needed to hear it. You are so strong and I’m so proud of you. I’m glad we both realized before actually being married, and I’m happy to say that I’m so much better off now than I was a few weeks ago when the split happened. My former fiancé and I were going through a lot near the end, arguing, always feeling miserable, unsure what was wrong but knowing that something was. Now I’m coming to terms with being gay, and that’s really hard! I came out as bisexual my freshman year of high school, 7 years ago. I thought myself to be bi all this time, and only recently understood that I was dealing with compulsory heterosexuality and it took me a really long time to understand that and to be okay with it. I’m still not fully there, but it’s something I’m going through every day. Thank you for sharing this, it means so so much 💙
Please don't delete your bisexual videos. I know they may not align with who you are now or who you may continue to evolve into, and the videos you may make in the future, but those videos helped me so much (and some just made me laugh) and those videos can help other people. I love you because you are so genuine and sincere, and because you are so kind hearted and just hilarious. I will still watch your videos even if they go from pink/purple/blue to rainbow because they are your videos, and you are you =D
the best part about this video for me is that i just realized when i started watching your channel i identified as bi, and now i identify as a lesbian, lol 😂
@@truthteller839 If you're responding pretty recently, you'll probably know that she doesn't seem to have had much trouble lol. There are a LOT of queer people out there - it doesn't have to be a struggle all the time
I've always felt more physically attracted to men but more emotionally attracted to woman. It can be confusing and make me feel weirdly guilty sometimes. Sometimes I'm into men more and sometimes I'm into women more and it depends on the type of person they are.
That’s normal! Sexuality is complicated and a spectrum, a lot of people experience what your going through and you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for this. Don’t worry about putting a label on anything, with time you do figure stuff out and if you want to label yourself as bi, pan, gay, anything that’s ok, but if not that’s ok too. Don’t put pressure on yourself love, questioning this kind of stuff is completely normal ❤️
i have the opposite experience, being emotionally and romantically attracted to men but sexually attracted to women (usually only girls online - never ones i know personally...yet). i’m a bit relieved to know someone else experiences this. sending you all love 💖💖💖
Delfina Meza I feel the thing about only being attracted to girls online rather than irl. There’s always this whole lesbian narrative of falling in love with your straight best friend but I’ve never seen one of my friends in a romantic/sexual way which is why it took me a while to figure out that I actually was gay
To lighten this situation a bit, here a joke that came to my mind: Alayna: I'm bi Alayna: *downloads Tiktok* Alayna a month later: I changed my mind I'm gay
Romantic attraction and sexual attraction often refuse to cooperate and it’s the most stressful, hellish thing. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
Yes, yes, yes!!! There was a person I was with, and I really wanted it to work, I loved him romantically, but I figured out that I just wasn't attracted to him. And that's so devastating, because it's something that seems so 'superficial', someone's appearance shouldn't matter right? Well, you can't just pretend like sexual attraction doesn't matter. It does matter. And to clarify, sexual attraction doesn't mean a person has to be 'hot' or 'cute', someone can be attractive because of their behavior, smell, all those things. But sexual attraction is a thing that can't be ignored.
@@hannah5310 same! Ages ago my best friend confessed to me and I did love him but there was just 0 attraction. Our whole friendship fell apart after that and it's just so sad😔
@@hannah5310 Damn I really needed to read this thank you. I am feeling very lost right now, I love my boyfriend of two years but I'm just not attracted to him physicaly and I don't know what to do.
@@Stufunabu I'm glad I could help. When I was at that place, I needed to hear that too, someone with a similar experience, because it seemed like no one understood me. I'm glad you found my comment. We broke up after we realised that a relationship didn't work between us. We're still great friends now! And we love eachother still, just in another way. And I met someone new, two years later. I'm in a healthy relationship now, I'm very attracted to him, he's the sweetest guy on earth, and I love him. I'm so much happier than I've ever been in a relationship. I thought for a while that I would never find love, because I didn't understand why I couldn't really feel the feelings I was supposed to feel (with my previous boyfriend). So I thought it was me, that I was broken. But that's not the case, it's just because attraction wasn't there.
As someone who came out as gay and later realise I was bi, I know how terrifying it can be to come out twice. And there is one thing I wished I'd known then. You are loved. You are valid. No matter who you love. No matter what you identify as. Their are people out there who will support you no matter what even when it doesn't feel like it.
Hey! What made you came out as bi? I came out as bi a year ago but now I'm only sexually attracted to men. I think they're hot (crushes) but wouldn't do anything with them. I don't know if I'm gay with compulsory heterosexuality or just confused. Help lol
It's hard to say I didn't just suddenly realise I liked girls as well as guys it just slowly crept up. I got what I now know is a crush on a girl in my class and then kinda slowly started to figure things out for my self. At the end of the day I am not an authority figure on coming out or sexual attraction. I know it sounds harsh but you will have to figure out this for yourself. But their will always be people ready to support you along the way. Your not alone in what your going through and no one should judge you for having doubts or being Confused it's all part of life. Sorry I know its not that helpful but hopefully it's reassuring.
@@noriii971 I came out as gay first and then had to come out again as bi also. For me, I grew up in a liberal place and I had encountered a lot more biphobia than general homophobia. So I knew I was very attracted to girls but I really didn't want to be bi. I spent a lot of time trying to just pick a gender to like but then some huge crush would come along in an other gender and f*ck me up. I thought because I'm more often attracted to girls I could just say I was gay. I was trying to just be gay when I met my husband and I had a huge crush on him immediately. We started dating and I hadn't told many people but I just knew I couldn't break up with him and I wanted to stay with him so I had to tell people. I think maybe just spend some time being generally queer and don't try to tie yourself to a label till you really know what's going on. That's what I wish I had done anyway. And know that you're just yourself trying to figure out who you like, your sexuality doesn't change you as a person. If other people want to know what you are that's not your problem. I hope that helps some.
@@noriii971 Speaking as a Bisexual, it's ok to have different "percentages" of attraction to either sex(or other genders). Sexuality is incredibly fluid and it is not an easy thing to pin down and go "yup this is me 100%" that's why it's so wonderful! Sometimes like in your case, you find guys attractive but you'd rather be in a relationship with a woman. Like with myself, I find both men and women attractive but i tend to find women to be much prettier however i tend to think about having sexual relations with men more often. So i would say I like men sexually and women romantically but that percentage isn't exactly like so either because for me it also depends on the person because i'm a demisexual and i also find myself being attracted to certain women sexually only! But being demisexual means i can't really do anything about it because i need to feel connected to them emotionally! sorry for the wall of text. I guess I just wanted to get some of this out and hope to also shed some light on what i think of sexuality and how you can be more into certain genders than others and still be Bi or still be Gay and find men attractive. 8-)
@@xxxheliotropepajamas coming out videos like these sometimes make me anxious because they make me realize this could happen to me (not taking it personal with Alaina, good for her, it's just my insecurities showing). But the furthest I've gotten with both sexes has been like second base so I'm afraid the more I'll experiment, the more confused I'll be, what happens if after having too much experience I realize I only like girls? Or that I was just straight? I don't wanna feel like i've been faking my whole life, realizing I was bi was a hard journey so idk what I could go through if it turns out I was wrong this whole time. I might just go with the word queer, I use both bi and queer interchangeably so thanks for the tip. Queer is like a bit of fresh air. I don't know where will I start with experimenting once lockdown is over, I'm only 18 and I feel like this would take some years I can't go back to. I really want to experience but I rarely found someone right for me, sometimes being attracted is not enough but I'll figure it out
Hey! I watched this 6 months ago on repeat. You helped me come out to myself, and to my then-husband. I have 2 kids. Thank you for leaving this here. I needed to know that I wasn’t alone.
That’s how I felt when I came out as trans. I started saying I was genderfluid because I thought being a woman was given. But I’m just not. And that’s okay. Finally realizing that and becoming who I truly am is so freeing.
