The Wonderful Insults of Groucho Marx 

You couldn't say that line today except maybe in a private setting! The overly-sensative women of today may not like the innuendo!

@RUFUS T. FIREFLY Possibly true, knowing his wit and his proclivity for great comebacks.

My Mom loved that joke. She told it to me when I started as a volunteer for Planned Parenthood.

@@freeguy77 To deploy some groucho esque wit; Screw 'em!

You think that's bad, someone on my family tree had 21 children.

The "INCREDIBLE WIT", back in the 1920's - 30's .....American Icons Groucho, Chico, & Harpo"...!!! Each guy had a meaning - Groucho, the oldest, "the comedy", & "the Brains" of the Brothers, Harpo - NEVER SPOKE, "a symbol" of the silent movies, Chico - an "Immigrant", THE LARGE MIGRATION TO AMERICA in the early 1900's more comedy, & with Harpo, provided music, that was first very popular, when the movies, first had audio, "Zeppo", wasn't really into it, & only appeared in a few films, the "good - looking guy", The "Rudolf Valentino", of their movies.

Glen Cadieux And "LARGE IMMIGRATION" has exactly WHAT to do with this? My god. Stop making every damned thing POLITICAL. IF you want to bring up what the Marx Bros did each in their own talented way, fine. But were they here illegally? NO. Did they assimilate, retain their roots without PUSHING & DEMANDING rights YES. Did they succeed with hard work & loads of talent? YES. After ALL these years, are they legendary for WHO they were & what they contributed to show biz & to everyone who loved them? YES. Are they STILL respected? YES. DOES ANYONE EXCEPT TYPES LIKE YOU MAKE IT ABOUT A STUPID NON-ISSUE? NO. Thanks for screwing up a great little film, in true form, for selfish, myopic reasons.

Kathy Florcruz Kathy, the commenter was citing Chico's comic character, not making a political point. In fact, in one of their films, after Chico's first line, Groucho turns and addresses the camera: "There it is, the case against immigration."

Actually, Chico was the oldest, and Harpo second. Groucho was third, followed by Gummo and Zeppo. Gummo was never in any of the movies, but was in their Vaudeville and Broadway stage shows. Zeppo essentially replaced him in the movies (for a while).

"I blame the minister who let you marry the monster."

" I didn't come here to be insulted." "That's what you think!"

That's my all-time favorite.

Use that line when your trying to get a job at Wal-Mart.

@@josemoreno3334 Once this whole Virus thing cools down I will! 😂😂😂

What film is that from? It's a brilliant line.

“You didn’t think I was a real detective, did you?” “If you’re a detective, I’m a monkey’s uncle!” “Keep your family out of this!” 🤣

@@jst7714 The Big Store (1941)

& &- vxy

That one's just...odd.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 😎👍

GROUCHO = "OLD MOLESTER" ACORDING TO MARIE OSMOND.

@@91dodgespiritrt Marie Osmond = "Great Kisser" according to Donny Osmund.

"Time flies like an eagle... fruit flies like a banana..."

Chet Morrison Even Rodney Dangerfield & Robin Williams would be hard pressed to keep up with Groucho!

Matthew Hamersly I agree with you!Despite the love I have for both of those actors, Groucho was miles ahead of everyone. I don’t think there’s one person in history with a quicker wit than Groucho’s.

Jamie Venezia You're no doubt right. "...That's the nastiest remark I ever heard. Come up to my room tonight and show me you mean it!"

The story goes that on one of his last days, his friend George Fenneman, who was his announcer on You Bet Your Life, was helping him from his wheelchair to his bed, when Groucho whispered in his ear "You always were a lousy dancer." Just amazing. Only maybe Dangerfield could match his zingers, and his delivery would be much slower.

With the wonderful Eve Arden - a pretty funny lady in her own right.

😉

the humor is so impossibly advanced

Also, "Marry me and I'll never look at another horse again!"

TimeandMonotony - Actually, the 'Writers' were GENIUS, but yes, Groucho's delivery was "GENIUS" as well.

Right you are there

“I’ll marry both of you!” “But that’s bigamy!” “Well, that’s bigamy, too!” 🤣

“You can marry me and I can take a vacation. I’ll need a vacation if I’m going to get married!” 🤣

On another occasion, he took his son swimming but was refused entry to a swimming pool because he was Jewish. He replied : "Well my son's only half-Jewish, can he go in up to his waist?"

Hahahahaha, what a cool guy.

The variant I heard was, 'I had a wonderful time, but I must have left it at home.'

deathshead357 That is brilliant and funny! Only Groucho could come up with something like that!

@@deathshead357 😂🤣 halerious

my favorite

Priest to Groucho: "I want to thank you for all they joy you've brought into this world". Groucho to priest: "And I want to thank you for all the joy you've taken out of this world".

tfb9126042 Most of these had me gut-busting laughing

A Day at the Races. One of their best.

"I didn't come here to be insulted"...."Yeh?..where do you usually go?..." (You can always get a laugh with a Groucho impression).

Exactly - and in interviews, and tv-shows etc… He was truly a masterclass comedian 👌🏻❤️

I have always had the theory that the top comedians think up one liners and witticisms and store them away for when they are being interviewed (I mean after all, being funny is their job). They get interviewed so many times that they know all the questions they're likely to be asked, and so think up funny responses and use them at just the right moment, and they appear to be improvised. And to be honest in many cases the interviews are set up, you can just tell from how the interviewer always happens to have the right "feed line" so the comedian can respond. After all, it benefits them both, the comedian is seen as "naturally very funny" and the interviewer's show gets talked about the next day ("Hey, did you see so-and-so's show last night. They had XYZ on and it was just hilarious") so more people likely to watch the next week. Here in Britain in the seventies and eighties we had three interviewers who were known for doing exactly this.

@@ashleyp.4932 That's pretty common on any late night talk show. The conversations are basically scripted.

​@@ashleyp.4932what's the matter they couldn't afford the rest of the alphabet. Here's a twenty go out and by them a vowel. Eh? I dont care if it's oh, just as long as you get a good deal.

​@@ashleyp.4932 Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. The key to it is making it look like it always IS off the cuff.

No wonder why Groucho is the most recognized comedian

Groucho: “You remember Conductor Hennessy?” Policeman: “It’s Inspector!” Groucho: “Inspector yourself!” 🤣

David Ekstrand lmao

That's a phrase from a movie A Day at the Races.....not from real life

Groucho and kinnison would rip open the pc of today!

A bunch of guys can relate to that one.

@@craigbrowning9448 Boo Yah.

Adam Bram ME TOO

@@craigbrowning9448 every single one

...that's professional smart-ass to you; he's getting paid for it.

If everyone's legendary, then it's not really legendary, now is it?

@@benjaminklaassen4722 One should always aspire for moments of legendary status. Always be a legend!

@@pussycatjackson Moments; yes, but if everyone could do the sort of things done by such greats as Hercules, then he would seem ordinaire, now wouldn't he?

@@benjaminklaassen4722 My dear…just stop. Life is not something to nitpick. I suggest you enjoy it and make your own legends. Cute picture, by the way.

roweenie OUCH!

Imagine MY disappointment when I found out you married my mother.

I'm not in this business for LOVE ..I once was in love and she got the Business "

roweenie, I would say this savage line in response, "If I am a disappointment to you, then my mother should have been disappointed in the choice that she made when she met you." Alternatively, to be a bit more modern, I would have said, "Well, at least I am revenge for how much that you disappointed your own parents."

@@paxhumana2015 Too wordy. Try to tighten it up a bit.

I'm not sure, but he may have pioneered breaking the 4th wall.

@@jacklow9611 Probably not, but he was a Master at it.

The broken mirror scene with Groucho and Chico is still up there as Cinema greatness for me.

@@jacklow9611 Breaking the 4th wall, especially in comedy, goes back to before theatres had walls.

I love that bit!

​@@mindriot91_96THE SAME HERE ABOUT GROUCHO MARX 🥸😀😃😄😁😆😅🤣😂🙂🙃😉😊🥰😍🤩😘😗☺️😚😙🥲😋😛😜🤪😝🤑🤗🤭😏😎😺😸😹😻😼😽

many young ones today don't understand these play one words. Then cameras and film had to be developed. The Native girls not developed (matured). But we're going back in a couple of weeks. Yes. Brilliant!

@@2explore1 Groucho should have said "...in a couple of months!" to make it a little more obvious what he was trying to see on those undeveloped girls.

This one made my jaw drop. I couldn’t believe he made this joke, wow. The quick timing and delivery I am not surprised that people missed it.

Michael7 Cline2 lmao I’m not a younger one but the idea that young people have never heard of film cameras is laughable. Their parents probably still have negative from photos from when they were younger - I know I have plenty and I’m only 30.

@@sourgreendolly7685 There's not a roll of Kodak in sight at any film school today.

Chico (playing piano): I can't think of the end Groucho: That's funny, I can't think of anything else! Chico: You know what? I think I go past it. Groucho: Well next time it comes around, jump off!

Max brothers jenios🤣😆🤡💐🐰📺en blanco y Negro ❤️🐰💐 mecago en mis calzones 😅un poquito cuando ve alos max brothers est🤡😁😄😃😀🙃😊☺️😉 con todos los comediantes de lantaño del pasado no de oy🤬😤😠🤮💩bindo en oceanside 🐳🚅coaster⛱️☮️🆗🆒🌬️ la conedia de oy vale fregada grosera rea💩para mi no es chistosa🤬😠🤮

@@crisantemadeharo7774 Hay buenas comedias para todas las épocas, solo hay que tener la mente abierta. Los hermanos Marx también eran "groseros" para su época.

@@thedudeunderyourbed8474 para mi son groseros y mi mente esta abierta pero grosero es grosero a ora y siempre en todo tiempo 🌹🌈💐🦋🆗🐰😁🤬😡

@@crisantemadeharo7774 El tiempo altera la percepción de lo grosero. Los mismos hermanos Marx llegaron a ser criticados por tener un contenido "demasiado sexual", que hoy en día pasaría desapercibido. Además hay comedias limpias hoy en día también.

That wasn't on film, that was a telegrammed reply to a club that invited him to join but wouldn't allow Jewish members.

@@thexalon This is an oft-misquoted line. In his book, "Groucho and Me", he says that he had joined (after "considerable urging") a theatrical organization whose members were unscrupulous and rude (he had thought the club was of higher class). After one annoying evening he sent them a wire stating "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER".

I use that all the time to this day.

"I'd like to join a club and beat you over the head with it!" --paraphrasing one of his lines, but you get the point!

@@thexalon wow. But, he is Jewish his parents and brothers are Jewish.

John Howard Now that kind of innuendo is funny.

John Howard English isn't my first language. Can you explain what it means?

Gixxer Fixxer They're fighting to protect the good name of some lady (her "honor") that someone has insulted. Groucho implies that she never put a fight for her own honor herself (e.g. she is "easy").

@@foljs5858 "She offered her honour, he honoured her offer! All evening long he was on her and off her!"

Blacky T. Roach Priceless!

Televison now days is so educational , everytime some one turns it on ,I go read a book "

Mark Twain

I have that quote on my refrigerator.

A NIGHT AT THE OPERA: “Alright! I’ll be at your stateroom at 11 o’clock!” “If you’re not I’ll be back here at 11:05. With squeaky shoes on.”

How Margaret keeps a straight face while in Groucho’s company is priceless 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

TheStapleGunKid Groucho: give him five years In Leavenworth or ten years I. twelves worth. Chico: I take five to ten at Woolworth's.

"Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first." "He left me his entire fortune." "Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? I love you!"

TheStapleGunKid on

Oh yes I love that one!

That was one of his funniest

Michael Jay Exactly. It doesn't take talent to tell a dirty joke, it takes talent to make a clean joke or skirt around the edges of a dirty joke. Clever innuendos, like Groucho did, are so more funny than bold-faced crass.

Richard Pryor of all people once said the same thing. He said too many comedians use profanity to get a cheap laugh.

Depends on the joke. A dirty joke can be every bit as clever as a clean joke. Still, it takes talent to tell any kind of joke well.

Yes. But dirty humor laced with profanity anyone can do. Getting laughs without it takes real talent.

@@kurtb8474 That's like saying that hopping 100 meters takes real talent therefore Usain Bolt is not a good runner since he uses both legs. Yes, getting a laugh without profanity requires talent but that doesn't mean that everyone who does use profanity isn't talented

😘❤️

J O Groucho Perry: I should totally say that to Perry! He would be shocked XD

Yeah I laughed out loud.

Oh, snap! 🤣

“Your the girl of my dreams...my, I gotta stop eating cheese before bed”

We're just behind the times.

It must be horrible to be ahead of your time. How do you manage without the rest of your body?

Camilo Garcia Ylasaari and the legend lives on...

It's not really a "legend" if it "lives on" now is it?

It's a living legend that will live on long after other living legends have died.

rofl yeah that one got me, using it

@@jonfungg They're not *that* old. Yet.

My 25 yr old daughter too. Her other favorite is Cary Grant. And Mozart.

That makes your parents about my age therefore totally understandable. Parents of fine taste.

I got to grow up when Groucho was still alive, and saw him on numerous talk shows. He was hilarious!! Watch him on "What's My Line." He has the whole panel cracking up!! My Dad turned me on to he and the Marx Brothers. If they were on, we watched it. Duck Soup and A Day at the Races is my fave!

I'm 63 and shaved loved the Marx Brothers for at least 53 years, if not more. If you don't "get" the Marx Brothers, you have no heart, soul, intellect or sense of humor. Long Live Groucho, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo and last, but not least, Margaret Dumont! Comic geniuses all!

Groucho was certainly ahead of his time.

Zeppo: “Anything further, Father?” Groucho: “ ‘Anything further, Father,’ that can’t be right. Isn’t anything farther further? 🤣

Well, it was even funnier in 2018

He was a century ahead of his time. He got away with a lot of innuendo because the censors had no clue...and neither did most of audiences.

2023 now and it's still miles ahead of any so called comedians we have now.

So that's where they got the lyrics for the song You Remind Me of You from the broadway play Minnie's Boys.

@ Sue... that's been one of my favorites that I've used on people since my college daze. Just before Christmas I was at my friends house and his teenage son was standing on the porch watching his dad and I unloading some stuff out of my van... so I stopped, pulled a $20 out of my wallet and said to the kid "see this? help us get the rest of this stuff into the house and I'll show it to you again"... well he helped us and when we were done he said "hey, where's that twenty? so I pulled it out and showed it to him again... he didn't get it but my buddy sure did... he didn't stop laughing, he still laughs about it to this day.

That joke was one of the best! X-D

i have used that gag numerous times

Carl Pen if you did that to me I would have punched you in the face..

That was my favourite, I pretty much knew he wasn't giving that guy the money but I still laughed cos it was always Grouchos sarcastic delivery that made the film.

One for the insult column: "Heaven must be absent one angel, because you look like you died a long time ago." No, Groucho didn't say it -- but it sounds like something Groucho could've said. 😉

Not to mention Bilko and Top Cat

I don't understand it.

@@aaaab384 He was saying one of them had a something wrong with an eye

@@aaaab384 He was flirting simultaneously with two women, but insulting them at the same time.

I've used this line so many times over the years. It is one of my all time favorites

"Why you are the most beautiful woman I ever met and that is not saying much for you!"

I always liked it when Hawkeye did the Groucho Marx impressions on M*A*S*H

who weren't men

@@TFABMNwhat

Ya suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

bighoov1 i am getting that on a tee shirt for when i do archery with the wife !!! Thanks lol .

I would never join a club that would have me as a member

@@Lee-Darin I've used that one!

How much would it take to get you to walk into an open manhole

Or if I was a farmer I could watch the cows at home.

I could watch this in my pajamas. I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How did I get into my pajamas, I don't ever know!

wasnt that WC Fields?

I worked my up from nothing to extreme poverty

Dean Christensen Groucho Marx was the man.

Dean Christensen You must get tired of saying that

@@rickrick5041 Savage! lol

One of my fave Groucho lines which despite people's false memories, did NOT air on 'You Bet Your Life' - a woman guest had 12 children. Groucho asked why she had so many. She said: 'I love my husband.' He responded: 'I love my cigar, but I take it out once in a while.' That was understandably NOT going to air.

Fuckin thief’s

I'm glad you discovered this then. This is the reason I made it.

Groucho's a gift for very new generation that comes along.

They did, it was called Duck Soup.

We're three men and a woman. Send help! If you can't send help, send two more women!

Margaret Dumont was such a great straight woman.

@@no-one-in-particular LOL, sounds about right!

@ dreaming etc... that's just it about the Marx Bro's... they appeal to our inner child no matter what the age or level of understanding. I see old sit-com re-runs that I remember laughing at when I was 8 and going boy was that ever stupid but it was done on the level of an 8 to 10 year old and nothing more. Where as the marx bro's are timeless.

The slapstick appeals to us as kids but the innuendos drag us back after we've grown. :)

Yes and maybe it is one that you have to think about for a few seconds

Editor Fred R. Shapiro has researched this quote and says “There is no reason to believe that Groucho actually said this. It appeared in the Usenet news group net.jokes, 9 July 1982.” I first came across this line in a book by Ogden Nash, so I always attributed it to him. However, oddly enough it has traced to a quotation of an early researcher in artificial intelligence in 1966. Anthony Oettinger, who was trying to get a computer to manipulate the English language. quoteinvestigator.com/2010/05/04/time-flies-arrow/

@@oneton7292 Apparently many of the quotes attributed to Sir Winston Churchill are erroneous which perhaps suggests that when celebrities say "I never said...." they are stating fact or maybe it was someone else who said "I never said..." At that rate we will never know who said anything!

Alyssa Jones that line had me dying. 😂😂😂

@@B1GK1NG lol right!!

Alyssa Jones my other favourite line is what experience you got in a department store?. “ I got 3 years shop lifting.”

@@B1GK1NG lol ikr? Hilarious

Probably my favorite line. LOL

If he was outraged with $9.40, imagine how he would react to the prices of food at restaurants today.

$9 was around $160 nowadays looool It's old, but gold!

Cluv22 my favorite of all of Groucho's cracks. I still use this with my wife

👍

That's current US economics in a nut shell!

jeffw1267 He would also drink beer and watch mobies with Alice Cooper.

He said whenever he had insomnia he'd sleep it off.

And I read once that someone recommended pine oil in a hot bath, telling him that would relax him so he could sleep. He said it worked great: "I almost drowned."

Benny Hill actually.

U can't just say the punchline. You have to set it up.

everybody knows in Alabama the Tuscaloosa

@@antrimlariot2386 It's in the vid.

I read his daughter was denied membership into the BeverlyHillsHealth Spa because she was Jewish. Groucho went to appeal and stated that she was only half Jewish,would it be acceptabe if she could go into the pool up to her waist?

John Fowler Is that a true story?

@@gixxerfixxer4159 I suspect it is, someone else told the same story in another comment except it was a swimming pool

Who? Is that Natalie Wood?

I think that is one of the funniest and most honest lines ever said to a woman! Miss Dumont was absolutely perfect in her representation of a woman pursued by a man, who refuses to take 'no' for an answer!

now the human race is so dumb they wouldnt even realize they were being insulted

Hmmm, give me. a minute

@@TFABMN Time's up :)