Therapist reacts to How Could You Leave Us by NF 

This!!!!❤

Agreed, "Mama" is a MUST listen after this.

actually, have you not listened to his MOMENTS album, the song MISS YOU is about his mom also

I remember when I reacted to this and mama one after the other because I had a similar experience in my life except with a cousin not my mum. It’s such a heavy song, and so is mama, but it’s emotional in a different way.

I haven't listened to NF since Hope dropped, I'm gonna have to give Mama a listen

I was coming to comment this!!!!!

@@Rex-qv5lcsame

Trying to hold it in. Breaks my heart every time

Nf is the only artist that's made me cry from their music absolutely love everything he's released

Same

Same

Same

I am 40 and I cry every time I hear this song still.

Seriously I will never know how some people are able to contain that enough to have that empathy and compassion but not cry. I've never been one of those people I cry for others

virtual BIG hug. i was almost in your situation during college with an abusive ex who would weaponize unaliving himself to control me b/c i have a family history losing many people to such an awful thing, so i take it very seriously. Then one day after 4 years it became so overbearing while i was bartending where we weren't allowed to use our phones and he started the abusive behaviour again and i just said "go ahead, good riddance". when i finally went home to the apartment we shared, my chihuahua was barking like crazy.. and i 100% thought my ex had OD'ed on our couch. I called the paramedics immediately going into a dissociative/vertigo state where i just remember flashes. tl;dr they saved his life through pumping his stomach. but at the cost of triggering my own genetic markers into severe ptsd.. but one thing ill never forget is a paramedic telling me i did good b/c had i been 2 mins later, it'd been too late. that number still haunts me. 2 mins. thats a red light. thats an extra few mins i couldve spent speaking to a co worker. and not to mention, i was the one who felt all the guilt for my text as this paramedic was trying to say i did good when i felt like a complete monster. my ex went into a forced 6 month clinic, and my mental health plummeted. Now i understand after years of help that it was not my fault and i had been a victim of mental abuse for over 3 years. but at the time. i was shattered in guilt for months. i wish you a safe recovery from such a trauma. i truly do. ❤❤

So sorry for your loss🤍 I hope you can find comfort in things like music

I feel you, Brittany. I lost someone I really loved in January, too. She was a sweet woman, but she was in a lot of pain physically and emotionally. My emotions have been all over the place since then. Some days I'm OK, other days I'm a total mess. We had our share of issues together, but I'll always remember the good times we shared together. I miss my Ker-bear ❤❤❤😢

@@ideitbawxproductions1880 I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s definitely not easy. Sending you all of my love ❤️

@@flightlessbird5553 thank you ❤️

I have a friend, very well off, on top of the world successful, but his wife started to divorce him due to her poisonous girlfriends and lifestyle, then she died, his only son has betrayed him, and now he's spiraling and poppin'. I really hope I don't lose him. Money does weird things to people.

​@@LordNelsonkm As a friend, be there for them if or when they're willing to talk about things. It sounds like your friend needs some support. At some stage in life we all need support for other's & at this moment it sounds like your friend needs help, maybe you could ask a professional for some advice on how to deal with your friends situation whilst looking after your own needs

From JBrach: @ScottM436 Thank you for your vulnerability and openness. NF is so real for his lyrics and sharing of such a difficult relationship, and while I am not glad you had to go through that pain to be able to relate, i am glad you found understanding in his lyrics. You are not alone. Abandonment is a wound that cuts so deep because it goes to the innermost core of our identity. When I have felt abandoned by someone who was supposed to be there for me, it impacted me very strongly as well. Healing from abandonment is hard because we have to begin by choosing ourselves even if someone else didnt give us the love we deserve. But where NF landed with it, "how can I miss something I never had" can maybe bring some acceptance for things being the way they are. Your mom failed you, deserted you, and you may not know it any other way. However, it is the way it is. You said you have thought "what did I do wrong that my mom doesn't love me?" Well let me just nip that lie right here right now if any of it lingers. You did do anything wrong to make her leave. It was her own issues and struggles that made her make that decision. You are worthy of love, acceptance, and support. I am so sorry that you had to feel that abandonment and loss. Know that us at HeartSupport are here for you and rooting you on!

From bmao: @ScottM436 Thank you for opening up and for being so honest. I'm so sorry that your mom chose to abandon you. A mother that abandons her child is antithetical to the definition of a mother. A mother is supposed to care for her child, she is supposed to nurture her child, and she is supposed to support her child throughout her entire life. I'm so sorry that your mother exhibited none of these traits. This must have felt like such a betrayal- the woman you relied on deserted you. I am so sorry for you and my heart goes out to you. Growing up without a mother must have been a daily struggle. It only makes sense that you would wonder what you did wrong to deserve abandonment. Especially as a child it is so hard to wrap your head around the fact that your mother is no longer in the picture, and that feeling of abandonment cut deep, leaving a lasting scar. Though you may have wondered what you did to deserve abandonment, I hope you know that your mother's decision was in no way your fault. You did not have a role in her decision. That was a choice that she made and that she is responsible for. She removed herself from a wonderful child and that is her loss. It is okay to still feel the pain, but know that you have no part to play in her bad decisions. You deserve a loving mother and I'm sorry that you were deprived of one. Regardless of her actions, you still deserve love, you still deserve to feel worthy, and you still are an amazing human being. Thank you for sharing and we are always here if you need to open up more.

praying for ya

That smile disappeared in the blink of an eye!

More like every track possible but this is good

From Micro: @ethandeminter4437 I can't even begin to imagine the depth of the pain you carry. Losing your mom to addiction must have left a wound that feels impossible to heal. That kind of emptiness is like a shadow that follows you around no matter where you go or what you do. It's understandable that the bitterness and pain would stay with you for so long. It’s a constant, silent companion that makes even the good moments feel tainted by sadness. Now to find yourself facing the same battle must feel so very heartbreaking. To see yourselfin the same spiral and trying your best to come out of it. I imagine how much it must have felt as if history is repeating itself in the most painful way possible. It’s like the weight of your family traumas are pressing down on your present, making every step feel so hard. Every day must feel like a fight against the fear and despair that come with the addiction, knowing already what your mom and you have been through as well. There must be so many moments where it feels like you’re suffocating under the pressure, moments where hope seems like a distant memory. It’s as if you’re carrying not only your own burden but the unresolved grief and trauma of your mom’s struggle as well. Thank you so much for being here, friend. For sharing this. For putting your pain into words, and hopefully lift a little bit of the burden with it. Your experience, your emotions, it all matters so much. Right here, right now, I hear you. I see you. I'm rooting for you. -Micro, Haartsupport Staff

@@HeartSupport you probably saved my life tonight by saying this. I have so much respect for this channel since I discovered this video, been liking all your tool content. Thanks you for taking the time to reply, much love to you and everyone struggling out there. Bless you.

Next comes copd and the oxygen machine, followed by panic attacks that increase in frequency causing ER visits that eventually convince her that she can't live without a steroid inhaler. Rinse & repeat until the cigarettes push her past the point of no return. 😢

From runner12: @badsabre5917 Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing! We appreciate you being here and opening up! You sound like a great person who is compassionate and empathetic despite being hurt by your mom. I admire you for trying to understand her situation. I feel your pain and it’s completely understandable and valid. It sounds like she focused on one of your siblings and you were put aside or ignored. That’s such a confusing and difficult situation to deal with as a kid. I can relate as I always felt like my parents were disappointed in me and loved my siblings more. As a kid it makes us question what’s wrong with us. But it’s not the kid’s fault, it’s the circumstances of the parent or due to things they are struggling with at the time. It took me a long time to forgive my parents, but once I did it freed me from the emotional baggage I was carrying around. It didn’t mean what they did was ok, it just meant I didn’t take it personally anymore and I was able to see myself differently. I pray you are able to see and appreciate your value and worth as a person and that the pain you feel that runs deep heals. We’re in this together. You are never alone!

From Micro: @badsabre5917 I'm so sorry, friend. What you describe is indeed such a painful wound to carry on with you. To have a mom that was present physically, but to feel emotionally that there was this complete disconnection that didn't allow you to feel loved, supported and cared for while you grew up. I personally relate to what you describe, as my mom had her own struggles too, and I experienced throughout my life this disconnection with her. It's hard to know rationally that your parent is there, but that in practice they're also not "available" for you. It's even more hard to convey this to others and make your pain understood as people see her, see that you have a mom, and may not fully grasp the actual reality of your relationship. It's a situation that makes you feel like being forced to witness someone you love sinking away from you, while feeling helpless and having no way to change the situation. You are in front of them with open arms but they keep on living a life where you are not acknowledged the way you needed the most, the way you should have been seen. It's so hard to experience this as a child, and it's something that sticks to your skin as an adult. It's the kind of situation that makes you question your own value, and if ultimately you're even worth to be loved. Sending much hugs your way today as you keep on processing and mourning this loss. Know that it doesn't remain invisible to us here. I see you. I hear your pain. You are not alone, friend, and you will never be defined by the way your parents did or didn't look at you. :heart: -Micro

Damit now I’m crying

From toastaintbad: @tjboylan20 Hi @HeartSupport_Fans, I'm so sorry about your mother. Your mother is quite a fighter to stop smoking, quit drugs, and become sober. I'm super proud of your mother. It must have been really hard for her to fight addiction. Your mother is super grateful for you taking care of her health. I have a few questions for you. What made your parents start overdosing drugs & alcohol? Why does your mother smoke at lot. There must be a reason for your parents dealing with substance abuse. Are your parents seeing some mental & health professional to get treated for substance abuse? Can your parents join in a support group with substance abuse? I'm not forcing you and your parents something if you don't want to. It's your choice and I respect on whatever decision that you make. PTSD is hard for people to overcome and people get treated for many ways. I struggle with trauma so I can relate with the triggers. I always found ways to relax from something that gave me a flashback. What helps you calm down during PTSD? I hope you are doing okay too.

From Micro: @tjboylan20 Yea, it's really hard when a significant part of your life has been spent seeing your parents being addicted to various substances and trying to encourage them to stop. You see them destroying themselves, their body, suffering yet also trying to be the parents they aspired to be, which is heartbreaking. There is no doubt that your voice was heard at the time when you asked your mom to stop smoking, and I'm sorry that what followed happened to be a series of bad news related to her substance abuse. So many often one would trade an addiction for another, for it's hard and particularly scary to attend the needs and hurt that are present behind it. At the same time though, these actions hurt the people around them, and it must have been so heartbreaking for you to witness all of this as you grew up. It's like substances have been repeatedly robbing your parents away from you while you need them the most. Then acch time sobriety was present, you could get closer together, but when a relapse occured or the consequences of the addiction hit your lives, it felt like being brought back to same place all over again. I can only imagine how it must have felt for you like constantly moving a couple of steps forward with your parents, then a couple steps backwards, over and over. It's hard to feel like you're finally on walking on a clean path, then it gets darkened by relapse or bad news. It's the kind of experience that deeply shakes your sense of safety in this world, as it feels like there's always something bad coming up next. It makes sense to still struggle with the impact it had on your life, and to feel unsafe with anyting reminding you of the cigarettes or alcohol. It's a reminder of pain that feels haunting, and I hope you manage to cope safely when those triggers hit. You have been undoubtedly very strong for navigating all of this as a child, and for choosing to share your story today too. Thank you for being here, friend.

From Micro: @WolfmanXD It's understandable to feel like it's hard to forgive your dad, my friend. And it's a valid reaction. There is something profoundly unfair in losing someone we love already. But it's yet another injustice when it feels like your own parent was too far gone before they died. Losing them physically feels like losing them a second time, and it's almost impossible to not think about how life could have been if the narrative was different. It feels like being abandoned while they were alive, and it can bring so much powerlessness to your heart. Of seeing them trapped in a cycle of substance abuse, of raw pain, while feeling like you can't do anything about it. It's so hard to see someone you care about destroying themselves, even if on their side it feels like the only way to survive. It's even more painful when it's a parent, someone you look up to as a child, someone you *need* by your side. It hurts to experience what it feels like to have a parent who is not emotionally available for you, to see your own parent walking around at home with their own demons. There might be a time when forgiveness will feel right for you. Personally, I've started to experience forgiveness for my parents when I realized that it was something that I would do for me. I'm not there yet either, but foresee how freeing this position can be. There is a right time for everything though, and it's okay if now is not it. I hope that, you know it doesn't make you a bad person if you can't forgive or even resent your dad at times. It doesn't change your love for him either. Somehow, it's two sides of the same piece, and it says the same thing. Sending hugs your way. :heart: -Marie-Anne

From toastaintbad: @amitheoneforu Hi @HeartSupport_Fans. I'm super sorry about your parents with addiction. Addiction is hard battle to overcome and they have to be ones to change but not you. I believed your parents do love you and try their best to fight it. You made good decision to leave your parents behind if they are making you feel uncomfortable. I feel like you should talk with your parents once in a while and try to educate the best you can to stop being addicts. One day, you might regret it when your parents passed away. It's your choice and I can't force you to communicate your parents. It's your choice and I will 100% support you. If your parents still don't listen to you, that's their problem and not yours. You have have to focus on taking care of yourself before others. I hope someday in the future that your parents can be clean and spend time with you.

From Micro: @amitheoneforu That is a lot to go through, my friend. Thank you so much for choosing to talk about it here. It means a lot. Growing up with parents who have been struggling with addiction must have been incredibly heartbreaking for you. Going into foster care, then having that glimpse of “normal” life only to have it taken away again is such a painful memory too. The inconsistency and instability must have been so hard to deal with. Those 2-3 years where they were clean and you got to experience some semblance of normal family life... it makes sense that you hold onto those memories. They must feel like a small oasis in a desert of chaos. It’s completely understandable that you choose to remember them that way, especially since it’s been years since you’ve talked to them. It’s a way to preserve the good parts in the midst of all this pain and disappointment. The distance is a way to protect yourself from more hurt. It's hard to know they’re still out there, lost in their addiction, and feeling like there’s nothing you can do about it. You've chosen to not be a passive witness of it anymore for it was bringing too much pain, and it was a right decision, a healthy boundary to set. I imagine that at the time this decision must have been met with so many conflicting emotions in your mind, and maybe even the fear of feeling like abandoning them. But you didn't. Instead, you chose yourself, and that was a strong way to stand up for your heart, for your well-being, for your health too. How you feel is valid my friend. You are heard right here. You matter to us. :heart:

@@HeartSupport For a long time into my adult life I was still in regular contact with them, though it was always heartbreaking to see them in that way. It wasn’t until my son was born that I decided to shut off contact with them completely. Having grown up with so much uncertainty, I didn’t want my son to have to be another victim in that cycle. I made the ultimatum between addiction, or being able to know their grandchild. Unfortunately, they made their decision. But I am happy to know my son will never know the kind of hurt that I grew up with.

From toastaintbad: @joealdrich6919 Hi @HeartSupport_Fans, I'm sorry about your dad loss. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's okay to grieve as long you want. When my grandparents passed away, it took me 4-6 years to moved on. Your dad from heaven doesn't want you to be sad for too long. He wants you to be happy and enjoy your life to the fullest. Music is so universal and people interpret different ways. Sometimes there are certain songs that hit way too close home for me.

From Micro: @joealdrich6919 So sorry for your loss, friend. Grief certainly follows its own pace, one that can be hard to follow at times. At some point 10 years must have felt like a second, but also a thousand years at the same time. It's so hard to feel the distance growing with the person we lost because of time that keeps going on, yet still feeling their presence being so very real in our heart, as if we just talked to them yesterday. Your dad certainly holds a special place in yours. Somehow, he keeps being by your side, even through all of this. :heart: