Therapist Reacts to Raven Ross Tells All on The Viall Files w/ Nick Viall | Steph Anya 

Please review season 4.

I love that Raven is still choosing to be open and vulnerable in love even with everything she has been through. She really was the star of the show ❤

I think the reason she bounces back so well is because she has a strong sense of self and knows that someone else’s crazy has nothing to do with who she is. In fact I think SK took a lot of pleasure out of “conquering” a strong woman with all these walls. But it was never for her. He only enjoyed “winning on hard mode”.

My sister is a therapist and she called it from the beginning. After the first few episodes, we debriefed and she said that she doesn't feel SK and that it seemed like the guy who does everything to gain your trust and then will use it to have control over you and "break" you. After that I saw him on a different light and kudos to sister she was right.

Thank you so much for validating the closet as a coping skill. At 30, I think I may be autistic and I have CPTSD and my last therapist told me that was unhealthy and “childish” and running away even if it helped and this killed me because I just need things to be LESS stimulating when I’m emotionally overwhelmed. Thank you.

It BLOWS me that he invited himself into her alone space in the closet. That's wild...scary even. I've had to break away from the sound and the people in public sometimes. I just go to the bathroom stall and stand there. But whether I'm at home or in public, someone entering that space feels like someone breaking into my house. Like I actually can't wrap my head around why he did that if it wasn't to manipulate her...

What's shocking to me about these things, is how the hell they have time for this shit? I can barely do my laundry.

SK is Nigerian and honestly, SK showed signs from the beginning, a lot of Nigeria’s saw it on twitter.

Wow. I didn’t think about SK’s failure to open up and be vulnerable. Completely different than what we saw from Cameron (season 1). Great insight!

I just feel so terrible for her. She had her guard up from the beginning and it was so beautiful to see her slowly bring those walls down and now this happens to her. It's gonna be so hard for her to trust when an actual decent man wants to love her genuinely.

Had something similar happen to me recently. My ex’s ex reached out to me while I was still with him and thanks to her my life is significantly better now that I dropped that abusive AH. And now she and I are recovering and are actually really good friends now.❤

I just finished reading a book about intimate partner violence. I like that you discuss the signs of emotional/psychological abuse because it reminds me that abuse comes in many forms. I’m happy Raven has come out of that situation wiser. She deserves the best. You do too! Thank you for sharing all your knowledge!

It seems only Nigerians knew it would end in tears - didn't trust him at all!!! Pray she finds someone deserving, she's amazing!!

I’m only halfway through the video so I may be premature and I speak for myself when I say I think maybe we did Raven a huge disservice when we looked at her walls as only strength. Likely they were built because she has been hurt and we underestimated how vulnerable she was. Yes, SK snuck under our radar, but did any of us really like him? Or were we rooting for “them” because we were rooting for Raven ?

I love how you let yourself get vulnerable so we could learn from you when you discussed your blindspot re: missing SK's signs. Thank you

I had a guy do the exact same thing to me. He worked at getting me to open up and accept him and love him for about a year and a half. After " getting through to my soft marshmallow heart " his words, he was gone within a matter of weeks. It was soul crushing.

I love what Raven and you said about staying positive and vulnerable and proud to let love in. I just got broken up with and it hurts when you've let people into your life so many times and it doesn't work out, but remembering how amazing it is to allow yourself to love and care and feel and learn the lessons despite it all makes it worth it.

I dated a man from Ghana and he did something very similar so when she said he would go ghost to get the lies together I felt that on such a deep level. I watched this man get married via Facebook live and he ignored me and belittled my feelings like indidnt understand what I saw

You’re so kind in your analysis ❤

So interesting you said that about going in to a small space as a coping mechanism I used to go under my bed as a kid and I always thought that was strange but it makes more sense now

The lesson about constant monitoring was super profound. Thank you.

No one realised that that man was a red flag himself? He was always saying the right things at all times, he was always saying things like I support you, I understand you, I appreciate you because of who you are... that was only after 1 week or 2. That was a huge red flag for me: No one is perfect and has the perfect answers for everything!

Some time after I heard SK response to this and he was blaming Raven for his cheating. He is down low disgusting person.

As an MFT student I’m so inspired by what you’re doing here. I always get great takeaways from your videos and just want to say I appreciate you ❤

Steph I'm waiting for you to come out with the new season of love is blind. We need your commentary!!!!

Hi Steph, I’m a psychology student from Brazil (graduating this semester 🎉) and I love your all videos, you’re so sensitive about your comments! I defined relate to that feeling of “how could I have missed this? Why didn’t I see the signs?” - especially in a relationship setting, or with actual therapy clients By the wayI would loove for you to react to Brazil’s one. It’s sooo popular here and it would really help people learn more about relationships 😊

The thing about SK for me was that he had so many words...so many descriptions. He always said their relationship was different. We're not like other people and I kept wondering what he meant by that. He also never really went into details or gave reasons why he said things. He'd just say them.

I started seeing his deceit when they were talking about her family on the couch and his mother's concerns. He knew he wasn't fully happy with it and he keeps pursing his lips and he is unable to say his true feelings. And I have to apologize to Raven. At first, I thought she was a stuck-up B. I found out during the show that she is such a loyal and wonderful person. I don't know about other people but the Love is Blind show and these discussions here help me with my own relationships and understanding my feelings.

I got cheated on in a major way in my early 20s and it is soul crushing cuz you start second guessing yourself & doubting yourself which is the worst part

Not me learning I was psychologically abused in my last two relationships from watching this video. 😩😭

Thank you so much for covering this!

I appreciate your videos. Ty for mentioning the coping mechanism for anger, I've been looking for ways to cope with that.

beautiful interview, beautiful analysis ❤

Love your content so much! Very refreshing! Wish I had your knowledge.

This is beautiful ❤I am so proud of Raven and happy for her. Also Steph Anya, thank you for your analysis-you have validated so much for me and reminded me that I can trust myself.

So glad you saw it! I was going through the motions with Raven when I saw the interview (remembering some of my own past relationships ). I am happy she remains optimistic and is dating

Random off topic comment: your hair & makeup look so beautiful.

Pleaseeeeee so excited for your review of new season of love is blind! 💕

Yas! I watched this in full and was hoping you would see it too!

Ok, I think hearing what you say at 20:03 is reallllllllly important for people to keep in mind the beginning stages. It feels so good to be cared for in our vulnerability, but is that person doing the same or are they withholding? I’m so glad you put your finger on it. It’s a big deal.

Thanks for this video, this has defo made me open my eyes to some past experiences, but I thought I had seen it but now. Wow. Thanks x

I really value your content so much 🌹

I’ve been waiting for this video!! 😅

Can't wait for your review on season 4

thanking you so much for explaining the coping skill of lowering stimuli to emotionally downregulate. Very helpful!

I absolutely love your videos. I am in school for psychology. ❤

Oh my god, I never thought about vulnerability as risking harm. I think I knew it logically, but still saw it as just sharing and being open, but you're SO RIGHT!!! You just gave me the most major lightbulb moment!

I can’t wait for your analysis of season 4. I didn’t want to get sucked In because clearly this show is toxic but THIS season was just too much. I know that you’ll address everything with grace which is much needed.

Yay! I’m so excited to watch your reaction to this 💓

loved your take on blackmailing 😂

I really enjoyed the video and learn a lot. Thank you very much❤❤. If it’s okay to make a video about the difference between emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse

Love your videos Steph!❤

Why did Nick make raven rewatch those clips of herself 😭

Girl, someone who's kind, attentive, your best friend, in love, etc WILL NOT go on dating app dates with other people! "It's just a date" turns into "well she left and didn't spend the night" to "We plan our future together. "

I remember having no particular opinion on SK when watching LIB season 3. It just felt like I just didn't know anything about him.

What a great woman. I hope she finds happiness ♥️

your hair is SO beautiful!!! so jealous

First of all, I’m a new subscriber and I love your perspectives. I think we need to think about something very key that SK said in the pods. He said that he was a child of a polygamist family. He never really talked about how he processed being a product of that lifestyle. He lied and said that he wanted a different narrative for himself, but generation curses are a thing. Those things have to be dealt with before getting into a relationship and the person has to be very adamant about not perpetuating the same narrative in their lives

You're helping so man people - thank you :)

This is such a vulnerable interview

Absolutely love your videos & your insight! Would love videos about love avoidance, love deprivation &&&&& Love is Blind already came out with Season 4, may you pleaseee do some videos. This season is giving fiance swap hahahaha

Thank you so much for your Channel. I love your way of thinking and you are very beautyful.

I think, as a therapist in training, I missed it because of the cultural divide. I usually catch when someone else isn’t sharing mutually but I give all kinds of space for cultural differences and that others cultures aren’t as open as Americans. I don’t even know I’m doing it. My expectations in this area should be more universal. It’s really humbling.

I was sketched out by SK and his family. They seemed pretty toxic. I was so surprised that Raven said yes honestly

I didn't speak to a soul about my abuse and everyone was shocked pikachu face when I left my husband.

I think one of the biggest clues in the show. Was in malibu cause they went Malibu this year for the vacation I think? when Raven was doing Pilates with SK he falls asleep in the middle of the Pilates or I think it was a meditation? I should double check that. But Raven was showing as sk somethings she was passionate about. And, like you said, it was him showing little development as a person and showing very little interest in the same thing that she enjoyed. We saw so much of her develop but we didn’t see him develop much that’s a small thing I would point out when I look back to them on the show.

this is so relatable

Please do ultimatum france, it was so fascinating and felt quite real

9:20 OMG this is something doesn't seem like a coping mechanism! I used to do this as a kid and did do this when I'm upset now but I told someone and they said it's childish 😮 thank you for explaining the reasoning for the usefulness

Hiii Steph.. would you ever do an analysis on Loveisblind Brazil ?

Her anxiety when she’s sharing that both their phones were going off, she was picking at her arm 🥺 ugh I hate that for her

If you are looking for more shows to analyze, married at first sight (especially Australia) is a minegold for couples therapists

I think that Raven had always been judged by her looks. So she attracted shallow people. That is why we were all routing for SK because we wanted that story but didn't actually like him. She deserves the best. It looks like she is a huge step closer to finding it now than she was before.

You are so smart and beautiful, i wish you love and happiness always. I love these videos and I love your opinion on all of these couples

Steph I need an episode on the new LIB! I need help processing what I just watched 😂

Please do Marshall & Jackie! Such an interesting dynamic.

Wow what a good video!! ❤

I Love the fact that fact said the SK “if we get married we should split my rent because marriage should better my situation”, it’s so good because if a men is serious about you with marriage he should invest in you and take some financial responsibility from your shoulders. I really feel bad for her because many women wouldn’t Date neither marry someone on long distance or sacrificing ob moving and at least she tried, he is so dishonest instead of saying hey I can’t be with you that’s it he hold her warm and mingled with others like he would have an open relationship, that’s really weird when you realise someone is playing you like moving to a place, holding you warm and entertaining other women. I really appreciate her how she presents herself and talk about it with such a strong and elegant way of behaviour.

Your hair is so beautiful ❤

I've known people like this so I saw it from a mile away. I have been that closed person and experienced people like SK.

For some reason I didn’t like Raven at first but I’ve grown to love her and her heart 😢❤

Dr K. Honda who is also a LMFT says 'gaslighting' is a clinical term. I was never sure of SK, it felt like he was never expressing doubts, he just always agreed with Raven. I remember being SHOCKED when he said no on the alter. Clearly he was holding back from her

I’m just gonna say that I never understood Raven an SK. I think at one point I let my guard down said OK maybe they are the couple but in the beginning and through most of it I was just like they are so blank mostly SK is not giving what needs to be gave but I’m sad this happened. I am I wish her well in the future.

Waiting on your review of love is blind season 4!!!!😭😭😭😭

I had that I had been with for four and a half years and I had questioned back in the day if there was some cheating a little bit too and I in I don't know but I knew that it just wasn't the right thing for me I did break it off and you know I still think about him every now and then and so I can imagine that reliving this whole thing probably is not an easy thing to go through

“The AUDACITY” yaaassss girl!!! Tell ‘em!!!!

I'm dealing with this now, I've told my bf numerous times I need space when I'm upset. He follows me and does that exact same thing. He says things like at least I come to fix things with you. I'm wondering if this is enough to split ways.

Hi hi. I love watching your analysis of the love is blind series. Would you be open to do the new season? There’s a lot of messiness in there and I’d love to hear your thoughts about it

Please review all of the madness that happened with the most recent season of Vanderpump Rules. There’s so much to unpack!

I didn't get SK and Raven at first and I couldn't put my finger on why so he also flew under the radar for me. I noticed when Raven mentioned that she chose SK over Bartise didn't have much in common except fitness. I could not figure out what she and SK had in common either. Their connection was about their similar "work ethic" and how attentive and patient he was with Raven. IMO none of that is enough to build a lasting romantic bond but for Raven that seemed to be very important so I left that thought in the wind. In retrospect, we know now that SK was willing to wait in order to fein a close relationship with her. He was heavily relying on Raven becoming familiar enough with him to open up whilst offering nothing to really earn that kind of relationship. We admired his patience which is ultimately what sold the viewers on this connection. Patience is a virtue, how could SK be a bad guy 👀? His ability to weaponize his patience is why he fooled so many. Every time Raven was struggling to become intimate or comfortable with SK the audience would subconsciously say, "shes must be insecure", or "oh but he's so patient, shes in good hands". But there was nothing else about him that really made sense for Raven, he did nothing to really solidify the connection but wait things out.

This is a little off-topic, but I would love to see your reaction to the fight scene from the movie This is 40. In their argument, they mention their therapist, and it made me think of you lol

an emotionally unavailable person can only connect with another emotionally unavailable person. raven was closed off with big guards up during love is blind, knowing it was a fast tracked experience. sk never revealed himself, presenting as open and accepting, never expressing his true feelings 1st. he more so just went with whatever raven said 🚩 which raven and her friends SAID together at the lunch during the show. i never like their relationship, especially with my biases towards nigerian men.

Ok but can we know what products you use on your hair

There was more at the end where she talks about the fact that SK told her she wasn’t his type and he wasn’t attracted to her

What shocks me about SK is that not only did he lead on Raven but also his entire family and humiliating them …

Can you review her lovers and friends interview as well ?

Plz make Marshall and Jackie your first video . I need someone to make this make sense 😩

Can you please do a video reacting to Derrick Jaxn's ex-wife Da'Naia Jackson's interview on the dear future wifey podcast? Would love to hear your take. Thank you.

Yah... my partner of 15yrs blamed me for making rash and "too quick" decisions on kicking him out of the apartment (lucky for me he never bothered to put his name on the lease), after emotionally cheating on me for a YEAR . First the only thing I knew was that he wanted a divorce, and we even went to our first couple's therapy where he never said a word about another woman! I learned about his "friendship" with a coworker, we're talking about messages, dates etc. and that he really was messed in the head when he made a comment to me that "he did not know where this friendship was going" while being married to me. But yes, I was the one making rash decisions and being a bad person for wanting him as far away from me as possible. It was a really wild ride and I never saw it coming, but it's all good now.

I think they’re giving yourself some space can be a good coping skill, but with the caveat that you need to come back out within an hour or so and not just leave people hanging all day walking on eggshells and being scared that you’re upset with them. It is a Balance for sure and we all need to try a little harder and give each other a little more grace.