I did the step father thing..after the divorce..she did not let the kids talk to me..I raised them for 10 years..luckily now that they are adults we have all reconnected. They realize what their mother had done..looking back on it. I wouldn’t do it again and I would advise any man not too. Start your own legacy.
Is virtually impossible because most men and women are having children in their early to mid-20s. That was going on for gen x and y so you know it's going to happen for Z too. Someone else's children can also be your legacy.. Don't forget the Bible says It takes a village to raise a child. The village matters. A legacy is leaving a piece of yourself behind in other people. That doesn't start or end with bio children... Didn't they come back? LEGACY 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 U sum right
I did it too. They still rock wit me. My step pops is the shit. My brother has no kids. I tell him, don't do the step pops thang. It ain't worth it. Your 1st kid should be hers.
When my mom failed as a wife, the men in my mom's family and my paternal grandfather took me in. If anyone "should" raise another man's child, it should be people who are related by blood. Don't put that responsibility on an unrelated man.
@misskeah8893 Good Men catches on to the game and become like that from experiencing and watching other Men have bad experiences w some toxic females..even the ones that are half decent have an underhanded way about them...its like you have to be messed up yourself in order to be w these woman
Alot men feel this way.. it's not true. The ENEMY will put all the negative in our face so you'll completely by pass the exceptions. I myself & the women I'm friends or associated with Love & Honor Good Hearted Black Men! Just some KANGS🤣
@@jaykisuke3397 as crazy as it seems, I agree with both of ya'll statements. God may love and appreciate us, but the world doesn't. You can even look at the prophecy of Adam when he got kicked out the garden and what was stated to him. Also Ecclesiastes 7.28 Proverbs 31.10
Uh, no. 👎 You’re equating being a stepdad with being an actual father. This is ludicrous. In America, stepfathers have zero rights. Real fathers have some rights. But there are hundreds of countries where men are respected, there is no child support laws, and where men get first choice to have the kids since they are the providers. Also, having no kids is all what you make it. It is not thankless because you are not seeking the approval of a woman or children. Terrible and flawed comment.
I read a quote that argues that single mothers are dating guys they normally wouldn't deal with if she didn't have a child. Just think about the times you were ghosted for months/years, and then she calls you with a baby crying in the background
My thought was similar to that. If you can be honest with yourself and discern that she wouldn't want you if she was single w/o a child, Why would you disrespect yourself and take her with a child?? And some of the honest truth is alot of men knows this but if she is attractive enough he'll take it as a deal, its like getting a hot girl on discount. His intentions are getting the woman, he doesn't care about the child(ren). And then theres the single mothers mad & bitter because they cannot get the men they actually desire because they have a kid and feel its "unfair" that they are not desirable by the majority of men. They are "settling" for their limited options now.
😅 u must be young Yes single mothers are low hanging fruit ... This has been a thing since like the 60s it's just as in like the last 20yrs it's been normalized but back in the day single mothers were looked down upon to be dating. They were expected to remain single, attend church, and or find a husband. Now single mothers are all u see in the club ... A single mother with kids/Children in the streets was such a taboo
Currently doing the stepdad thing and I wouldn’t recommend it fellas 🤦🏾♂️ 9yrs and the dad decided to come back around and man the disrespect is crazy I had the realization that I’m not her father but I have the responsibility of taking care of her while he gets all the love and respect it’s hard
@@edwardflounoy7207💯 I'm one of those kids. Moms died 15 years ago. I have 2 daughters 2 BMS. My kids rock wit me. We hang out all the time. Blood I wish I had my pops. I literally have no parents.
I'm also 1 of those kids. Funny part. Neither parent loved me the same after they separated. It's like to My dad. I became a reminder of his failed relationship. And to mom a liability. To her n her new relationship. I def felt this conversation.
I used to say the same thing and I'm so glad that I didn't let my assumptions lead. My twin stepsons were 2 when my husband and I met and they just graduated from high school. It has been such a joy and a pleasure being his wife and their bonus mom. I would not have known what I was missing and I just thank God that I get to experience it everyday 🙏🏼💯 The Holy Spirit prepared me mind body & spirit right after he proposed. He knew what he had to do for me 🤣💯 I'm a FOOL
@@thomaspostman9175EXACTLY! Women are attracted to the same men. They’re SHARING the same men! Then they’ll turn around and expect the hard working “boring” men that they passed up before, to help them raise someone else’s kid. Then they have the nerve to get mad when men refuse to do so and go deal with younger, childless women.
This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
I am sorry about what you have been through. I have been through something similar and was almost depressed, till I contacted a spiritual counsellor who helped me get my ex back and hence my life back
Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being
Maybe instead of getting your ex back get yourself bac, sounds like for a man you’re too codependent, that will put her off more work and improve yourself
If a woman asks me if I want to be a stepdad to her child, I’ll respectfully answer that question to my following question: like “would you want your son to be a stepdad?” And she says NO, and I said Why? And she says “because I want her son to have a family of his own.” And I said in that response: THAT’S WHY. I have a mother and a father myself who wants me to have a family of my own too. 💯🏆
Just say no and keep it moving like why do u even engage with low value women plenty of single women with no children young and clean out there go meet ur woman and leave the single mums in the misery they belong in
100 % agree there is no benefit in being a stepfather at all especially with a broken woman who is not over performing in all other aspects of her life, it’s almost impossible for these modern women to add true value and meet a real man’s needs as he would reciprocate to her
I have to co-sign on broken people Now. I'm witnessing it right now. What about the women who aren't broken & also the men who aren't broken? These men and women have to link up with somebody to be happy one day s*** You better choose wisely regardless.
@@BlaydeAlabama the values have to match it has to be equally yoked with the most high in the center if you want a marriage to work and build a strong family 💯
I doubt these men are thinking about the most high when the are hooking up with single mothers or better yet creating single mothers. Instead of telling men to avoid being a stepdad, tell them to stop creating single mothers. Be accountable of their peen@@Adotjunior
@@EducatedBlackMan Notice how crime has really gotten worse in the last two decades. I believe it’s due to the lack of fathers in the home. It’s mostly young men committing the crimes.
my father and mom got divorced. My dad went on to meet a woman who left her husband and came to the marriage with 2 young boys under 6. My father came up, and put those boys in luxary upper middle class NYC suburbs, private school, AAU teams and college while under his roof. Today me and my step brothers are in our late 40s. They speak to my father about 4-6 times per year.. All the overtime put in to pay mortgage, and he gets not the respect from the children under his roof that he should. The wife respects him, but raising another mans kids didnt give dad the effort he put INTO it
From your description, your father raised those step brothers to be spoiled, entitled, brats. If you raise a child to be an entitled little shit who only cares about what you can do for them, that is how they are going to turn out. Your step brothers may be now be selfish assholes, but is that their fault or is the fault of how they were raised?
He didn’t respect himself by raising another man’s kids. Especially from a woman that just left her husband for him. How are those step kids supposed to respect that? He broke up their home and facilitated their mom’s philandering. They are treating him exactly how he deserves in my opinion.
Completely depends on your maturity level, the maturity level of the woman, and your attitude towards being a Father and a Husband. My grandfather married my grandmother when she had TWO children. I know women who have married and had children with a second husband and are very happy. Totally depends on the maturity level of everyone involved.
@@demetriusjames9535most importantly men and women knew their roles in a relationship. Today, it’s a tornado of a disaster being with a girl no a days…
@miguellorenzo3609 True, but The Greatness was absolutely correct. Nowadays, neither the men or the women have matured enough to be together and support themselves; much less each other! We are living in some sad times, indeed...
The man’s happiness seems to be irrelevant in the scenarios you proposed. Not surprised 😂 but yes let’s save these queen matriarchs. I got my cape ready bro bro
My grandfather also married my grandmother after she already had TWO sons. But the world was a different place back then. Different era… different generation.
@@misskeah8893The standards between men and women are different. You should know that. A woman with kids is different from men with kids. Most men regardless of their situation view women with kids as a liability. A man with kids is viewed as a preselect man by most women!! That’s the reason between 75-80% of children are fathered by only 20% of men in the black community!! This isn’t new it’s been going on for decades!!
@@chrishodge9437 I concur. Don’t tell me to heal. Already and she left. Good riddance. I have contributed to the single mama dilemma . My work is done. Now it’s time for me .
@@misskeah8893 😂😂😂 Because he's telling the truth, he sounds "traumatized." The jeti mind tricks... Well if that's the case all men should remain traumatized...😂😂😂
There was a time when women respected men who picked up the pieces. Now the ladies demand that from men without giving them respect, love, or adoration. It’s a fools game to play step dad.
Very true. They would demand that their children give them the same respect if they where their own flesh and blood. Now, the stepparent is treated as "birth parent's friend"
Nobody ever respected a step father. They are men with limited options and the women don’t respect them for that. Men with many options don’t choose single moms.
Brooo I was praying I wasn't the only one who caught it. NEVER HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE!! She thought it was cute but she in reality was bragging HER pom pom and what she got with it. To a man's ears that is COLD BLOODED
It’s even crazier there are men who willingly choose to share his family with another man the weirdest thing to me. I have no problem looking out for no kids but I’m not sharing my family with another man. Women need to make sure they’re married before having children because expecting another man to take care of another man’s seed is insane to me
My ex had 3 kids, I had none, come to find out her bd was living his best life, never around. She was grateful for the kids, while putting responsibility on me, I ditched her and still have no kids. I can make my family, and not bother with another man's seed.
If you look at the Redpill community at first everyone did some simpin, I didn't know any better, now I know, as black men we can't take less. We are kings
I partially agree. There is often no Earthly benefit to being a stepfather (not speaking from personal experience, just observation of close friends). But there is a definite spiritual/heavenly benefit. Taking in and caring for the fatherless is seen as something precious in His eyes. Isiaiah 58:7-11. Probably outside the scope of this discussion but worth a mention IMO.
Parenting is hard in GENERAL Anton knows nothing about the God he claims to serve. He will be held accountable for misinfluencing people and preventing marriages from forming with this warped ideology
@@exquisite921 that’s funny because God himself says don’t have kids out of wedlock… So therefore by being a single mother, you’ve already offended and disobeyed God why don’t you read the Bible first, sir?
Young woman can easily benefit from playing stepmom to an established man’s kids. Plus, men don’t have custody of the kid in most cases. Your complaints expose how self centered the woman’s worldview can be, at times 😂
Stepmother vs stepdads are two totally different things, and men have it worst. Men have the pressure to provide for a family, and still deal with another man. seeds. A stepmother is never expected to take on the pressure to provide for the house and raise another woman's child...bc most likely, the children are with the biological mother at least 80%. It's not the same.
I hurt for those unsuccessful experiences that individuals endure as a step parent. It is not for the weak and takes mental fortitude to understand at its inception that it has a high failure rate. But the success yields tremendous rewards. ✊🏾
20 yrs ago to be exact, I married a woman with 2 young boys by the same father. Before her, I was the type man who never took a woman with kids seriously. But, she was different we fell in love and the kids were great. I was ready to stop sleeping around and running the streets. The whole family life felt good, she cooked, cleaned and always ready for sex. But, soon after getting married my business started slowing down because of the economy. She starts acting different. Long story short we moved to Atlanta and divorced shortly after getting there. I would not ever recommend marrying a woman with multiple children. There’s probably going to be issues with the baby father. You will spend money on them, all the time. They have to eat and they need things.
This same situation could have played out with your own kids. The marriage could have ended and you would have to pay child support and now there a new man in the house. Stop trying to make it seem like these situations are less likely to happen with you own kids. Different ways if course but how do you think single moms are created? With fwb relationships or marriage failed ya’ll can’t be serious. Yall literally just want to crack her first it’s an ego thing
@beautifulsoul6535 you're right but with his own kids it would at least be worth it. He just didn't want to say that part. Truthfully, he just married a gold digger but also doesn't want to say that part.
@@Footballer85749 nothing is worth it when you lose love either way. It’s possible she wasn’t a gold digger and honestly did not want to be married anymore. I don’t know why grown adults can’t fathom a relationship ending. People can fall in love multiple times the same way the can fall out of love multiple times. Again we’re grown sometimes kids are a outcome of those situations
@@Footballer85749 nothing is worth it when you lose love either way. It’s possible she wasn’t a gold digger and honestly did not want to be married anymore. I don’t know why grown adults can’t fathom a relationship ending. People can fall in love multiple times the same way the can fall out of love multiple times. Again we’re grown sometimes kids are a outcome of those situations
I'm so very glad that my Father, who is my stepfather, didn't believe this way; Because he is my everything and he never allowed anybody to refer to me as his stepdaughter. It opened up the door for me to be the amazing stepmother I am to twin boys for the last 12 years. My mother marrying well Opened up the door for me to watch her go from being a single mom to domesticated. It was a beautiful thing to watch and now I myself have the same thing. Loook AT GOD💯🙏🏼
@@gmoneynyc8842And that is largely on the man for choosing wrong and not setting the rules. If you're going to be a step parent it can't be with a Bomqueesha that thinks you have no say in how things go under your roof, or a Pookie father that tries to fight you. The conversation of what your role is as the step father has to be clear up front, and a lot of men don't do that.
Im a stepfather now and my wife has two different baby daddies and they don't anything for their kids and she cant have kids and i go back and forth with my feelings sometimes because i really want my own kids but she is a great wife its just i wish i could have my own legacy im 33 now and i feel like I'm running outta time.....if you reading this have your own kids and be there for them, raising another mans children issa emotional rollercoaster
@jimmydean5663 maybe she found a sucker to take care of her kids and is lying about not being able to have more kids just cuz she just doesn't want anymore.
What they wont admit, is that the reason younger generation of women dont want to be alone is because they don't want to fall into the same trap mama did being strong and independent.
I have to disagree with that. My mother and my father met when I was two and he just passed 2 years ago and it was me that was there happily and willingly for him. He has 3 biological children and he was never a deadbeat If anything he probably did too much. In a lot of situations folks can't depend on biological children to do s*** either. I've seen that all thru my family people having multiple children and only one child out of the multiple is present 🤷🏾♀️
No man should ever step in anything in a child’s life without first observing the single mother and how she coexist with a single father, that will tell him everything he need to know whether he should stay or go
I’m so grateful my step father didn’t catch these episodes before meeting my mom. 21 years in, He is the best thing ever happened to us. Even at 35, when I have a long day I call my Papa. My birth dad is always the last option. I adore him to the highest. I even told my mom if they ever God forbid got a divorce, I’m going with him lol.
Coming from being a step dad more than a real father. Anton is right. Black man establish your own family frfr. Right now black man should NOT be a step dad. Stop listening to these single mamas curse you because you dont want and need that title. Your not a man until you have your OWN flock. Black boys listen, watch, dont talk just learn. Until we eradicate this problem boys should learn from positive men. Definitely not single moms in my opinion.
1:20 moms #1 rule. Was. When you walk out this house you dont make me look bad... She was supposed to apologize for that?? Discipline?? Kept me out the pen.
The first woman who spoke is an example of the women who lack emotional intelligence and the ability to take accountability. She appears to take accountability but she isn’t actually taking accountability because she made the statement - no matter what you do kids will think it’s toxic but that isn’t true. Raise a child in the way they should go and they will. She a single mother - that ruins kids. It ain’t about kids thinking something is toxic it’s much deeper when you don’t provide two parents for kids.
It's not that man are not sympathetic. No. Man we don't give birth to kids but we develop love and emotional attachment even to step kids. It's a risk to get so emotionally involved and have them distanced from you if anything happens. It is like your own biological child being taken away from you. Nobody wants to go through that.The way most man are responding, is because of having taken the role of step Dad but the dynamic results thereof are bad and it is what has made their hearts hard. The dynamics are many and a single episode can not even cover them all.
To each their own. There are many thankful and greatful kids/adults who were raised by a none biological parent, and that person has plenty to benefit from respectfully. But yet, a lot of men be out here playing step daddy and barely do or take time out with their own.
I'm one of those children that came from a blended amazing family that set the tone for my future blended family. I know how to be a good stepmom because I had an amazing stepdad. The Bible says it takes a village and u know these children need as much love and guidance as possible in the world we live in in.💯 Baby I don't play about Lee Frank 🤣
@@BlaydeAlabamasame. I loved and cared for my stepdad more than my own bio...I didn't meet my bio dad until I was 18...seems like he timed it perfectly.
@jamesross6476 The difference is that if they were your biological kids, you would have some sort of legal rights to see the kids after the split. Assuming the kids are under 18 and your wife leaves, you have no rights to see HER/HIS kids
@jamesross6476 The difference is that if they were your biological kids, you would have some sort of legal rights to see the kids after the split. Assuming the kids are under 18 and your wife leaves, you have no rights to see HER/HIS kids
My ex had a baby that I still raise, but she makes it super easy for me to see her and be a real parent. I don't pay child support or alimony from our divorce, but I realize that I got lucky. Most women would try to make me pay for trying to be a good man, so I don't advise being a stepdad. It could easily go the other way.
I see the point about stepdads not being appreciated. Helped raise step daughter since 5, she 33 now and one of my best friends Key word helped raise. Her mother did her part financially and handled being the disciplinarian of her. She is a step mom to my 32 year old son. We lived together for 20 plus years till they were grown and gone. Me and wife never thought it would work honestly. But it did. But God. They introduce them as brother and sister, not step like they do me and wife. Lucky cause boy and girl same age. Yall know the thoughts. Some thinking it now lol 😂
Now ladies, before u keep hollering " im not your momma" understand something.. Cooking, cleaning and etc doesn't mean your his Momma.. but if u think it does then let's flip it... U got your own money so why does a man need to pay your bills,buy u gifts, take care of u, spend his money and live in a house he paid for rent free and bills Free.. he's not your Daddy...
Why would you have a kid with a man that doesn't want kid in the first place !!!??????? that is HELL for the kid !! growing up with random men on mummy's bed
@@dancleary4101 it doesn’t matter. No one is obligated to date someone with kids. You can simply remain single. You’re coming up with an excuse to settle for what you claim you don’t want out of desperation. Instead of remaining single and learning to enjoy your own company.
There is a benefit if you pick the right one. We can't say we are for the better benefit for our community and leave kids fatherless just to make a point. In my opinion
I have been a step parent and looking back now realized I wasted time and resources. In addition to the kids being unappreciative once they got older men don’t do it read some literature reconsider dam how I would have love for someone to give me real advice
in my 30 years of living on this earth i've never seen a happy ending to being a step dad. Step crash dummy is a great name for those to choose that life
The term " Bonus Dad " is a travesty. Like you get bonus points for every Baby Daddy you rack up. Just another way of normalizing bad behavior. Should be called Minus Dad, cuz you really losing points not gaining any.
I know I would not do it just because these kids they will not respect you My uncle was an step dad And I saw the these kids disrespect him. And I told him why be a step dad for what? these kids are not yours
Did it once and I’ll never do that shit again especially when they have daughters. You have to realize, no matter how good a step father you are, the kids will always want that love from the biological father. He can be out of their life for 10 yrs and show up with a puppy and it’ll be like he was never gone
Its about time men are asking "how do we as men benefit from your plan, ma'am" and women don't even have an answer. You'll be a fool to invest in that one
It's not a matter of an inability to "handle" a woman with a hood mentality. Nobody in their right mind WANTS to have to "handle" anyone or their attitude. It's just not desirable. I disagree with Anton on this "step crash dad dummies" or whatever phrase he uses. It isn't a 0 positive game, it's a game that absolutely does have a lot of risks and downsides, BUT, it is also something that can work and be beneficial to all parties if the ground rules and an understanding are set from the get go by people that have their heads on right. Obviously, you're not going to have a high success rate with a Pookie and a Bomqueesha as the parents, but, as the lady on the panel stated, when she let the man be a man and show guidance to the boy, things worked out. That understanding has to be there for things to work, and you certainly develop a strong bond between step parents and children.
He’s right. There’s no benefit whatsoever for a man to be a step dad. Are there exceptions to the rule where the man has the green light to be who he wants & discipline the kids when needed without any pushback? Sure. But in general, there’s way too many cons being a stepdad as oppose to pros.
@JamesHall_II To say there is no benefit is not true. We're talking about human beings here, not trinkets. How would you quantify the value of building a strong father/son or daughter vibe with a step child? You can't measure that, and you surely can't say it has no value. Of course being a stepfather has risks and isn't desirable. But, the main reason why it often doesn't work is because the men that take on the role aren't regulating and showing leadership upfront towards these women about how that relationship is going to be. They let women treat that child like they are some separate entity that doesn't concern the man. Both sides need to be on the same page and it can work.
@@brianalexander1922 Simple. You have 100% responsibility with very little if not no authority over said child & if things don’t work out, then you have no parental rights to see the child anymore so all that time & money spent was all for not when you could’ve taken on a woman with no kids & build a family with her. The risk far outweigh the reward so yeah, it’s not in a man’s best interest to take on a woman with kids.
@JamesHall_II Again, you just bypassed everything I said to make the same point. You are describing the worst case scenario as if that is the only way these situations can turn out. It's like saying you shouldn't get married because of the high % of divorce. A marriage can work AND be beneficial if you put in the work and choose right, and the same is true of being a step parent. No one said it's in a man's best interest. It's obviously a risk. But it isn't the 0% or 100% good/bad you're painting it as.
Anton is correct. StepFathers in our culture should not be accepted by our culture as a majority backup plan for failed relationships. Since only Fathers can truly protect children physically in any capacity. And StepFathers KNOW THAT ...Like inviting a Wolf to live with your sheep and the woman is more sheep than a wolf at her very best physically to a man.... see Glendon Campbell when he spoke with The Lead Attorney and Anton Daniels.
Moral of the story men: Boss up, Take Control of your life, Elevate financially, & your options will open up. If single mothers are your ONLY option, that is indicative of your lack of success financially & socially.
All this talk, nothing but talking, from one channel to “black town hall meetings about relationships” nothing but talking and these women and men ain’t accomplish nothing.
This is because baby mamas and baby daddies are one in the same. They are each other’s counterparts. It’s like arguing with yourself in the mirror. That’s why nothing ever gets solved between them.
This isn’t even a argument It literally just women thinking they fooling someone. All you have to do is exchange men and women in every argument they use and they will say no.
Everybody has their own experience good or bad on the step parent tip. I am a product of that. My step father came into my life when I was 9 and my lil bro was 6, he passed when I was 24. Even tho shit was fucked up growing up, him and my mother both on drugs, We always stuck together until things got better ,home to home , shelter to shelter he made sure we was safe.They eventually got it right. I thought I would grow to hate my folks cuz of how hard we had it but when I look back at that shit, cuz ain’t never fold on my mother and I watched them bring eachother back to life. I’m 31 now about to have my first child and I wish he was here.
I'm reading all these step dad horror stories... All I can say is "sorry for your pain'. I never experienced any of that in either of my marriages with any of my step kids.
Scrolling thru a sea of traumatized people, incels and bots 🥴🥴 plenty of success stories and many of those ppl don’t frequent these videos bc they’re out living prosperous lives lol. Marriage is positive when two people in purpose(childless or otherwise) come together and make it work
@@exquisite921 yeah let’s ignore the bitter baby mamas who nobody wants. Good luck. The marriage rate for single mothers is never going to increase it’s over.
Women should not get offended by the step dad comment. It’s reality. Most kids will want their real parent even if they don’t love them and most men want their child raised a certain way. You can’t do that as a step dad most of the time.
