Things Vets Can Say That Human Docs Can't - Ep 1 

Actual quote from my vet: “I can neuter anything with balls.”

My favorite conversation with my vet, "So we performed an emergency enema and what we found was just a lot of organic material; sticks, leaves, bark, grass." "Oh no, well is he missing something in his diet that he's trying to compensate for? Do I need to switch his food or give him some sort of mineral or vitamin supplements?" "No, no he's just stupid."

Lol, at least the gassy owner was worried about the fur baby's nose 😂😂😂

"I do not need to see your butt every time I touch you." An important notice for my cat.

The amount of times we would bring an animal that had an obstruction back in from walks after surgery and would scream “We’ve got a poop!” With the whole room cheering.

The breeder one hit home, why?!? Because we just had to an emergency c-section!! Why?!? Because she contracted mastitis TWICE and went untreated till it ruptured!!! Why?!? Because she barely has anything holding her femur into her hip!!!! The reason go on and on and on. It’s a shame how many breeders who will come in and not understand why you recommend their dog to be removed from the breeding program. Then they’ll disagree and breed again. Even worse when you look them up and see buzz words like “ethical breeding” or articles like “how to recognize a puppy mill” on their website fully knowing their practices are abhorrent.

A story comes to mind…. “Oh, she broke her leg? I guess we will just have to put her down then.” Long story short, my aunt had an old retired horse that broke its leg and ultimately got put down. My sister overheard the conversation about this between my mother and aunt. A year or so later when she heard that my grandmother broke her leg that was exactly her response. “Guess we will just have to put her down”… mind you she was like 5

As someone who has wondered if farting under the duvet, while your cat is under it, counts as animal cruelty, I felt this deeply 😂

Florida ER docs have probably said this to somr of their patients.

"I know they're siblings but they don't understand that they shouldn't have sex with each other"

The amount of times I've seen "They can't be pregnant! They're only ever around [family member of dog]!"

I work at a pet crematory. Someone said “Buddy is done preheating” can’t say that anywhere else

My all-time favorite from my time working in a vet clinic: "No, Mrs Karenson, your dog didn't get the yeast infection in his ear from you. "

The vet to my sick cat: "Sir, I'm trying to examine you!" He was purring, kneading, etc. while she palpated his belly. Turned out, he had a stubborn intestinal obstruction. I know cats are excellent at hiding their pain, but I'm not convinced mine feels pain.

When i went to vet college just to learn the basics to treat my own animals in emergencies the weirdest thing to leave my mouth was “ah drop your leg!” Cause while i was training a dog came in for a really bad infected broken leg and when i went to check on him he had chewed it off or it had fallen off and was gnawing on it

The one about the critter turning around to lick you while doing a rectal exam was painful. Not because it wasn't funny, but because I choked and soda went into my sinuses.

Oh my God we could keep this going for so long in veterinary medicine. How about this one: No, ma'am. Your dogs don't know they are brother and sister. Just because you don't think they would do that kind of thing doesn't mean that sugar isn't pregnant. 😂

As an old lady......that last one had me cracking up!! 😄😄

Back when I was a practicing LVT, I distinctly remember once waiting for the vet outside of an exam room and hearing, "oh, uh... ma'am, please put your breast away. We can not legally tell you if you have ringworm on your areola."

"...dragging on the ground for so long!" 😂😂😂

As the daughter of a veterinarian, I can confirm this is legit and gets weirder

It’s 3am and I have to do my “silent” laugh, or I’ll wake up my snoring neighbor upstairs.

“I think it’s time you consider putting him down.” - Ex Veterinarian turned Medical Doctor after glancing at grandpas medical history.

My friends had a BIG pitbull as a guard dog. She was the sweetest thing ever but her breed and size was enough to deter anyone trying to break in. I have no idea why but from having a litter of puppies, she had drooping hanging teats - very obvious. I told them she really needed a doggie support bra. 🤣 Never seen anything like it begore or after.

I'm gonna go on the record and say, if a Human Doctor ever comes across these issues, it should be ok for them to give the same responses 😂😂

I think with enough willpower and lack of shame, someone can make human doctors say these things too

My vet gave me a new hip and joint med chewable med for my dog. I had to call her a week later to let her know they were a No-Go because they cause TOXIC FUMES! I literally had to leave my bedroom for a night because the smell was so bad. 😂

I have one that my professor told us in exotics class. Tell owners Never kiss what looks like the belly button on a boy ferret, it is often something way more caudal…. 😂. She had to inform several clients that what they were kissing or raspberring ( like you do with little kids) was the ferrets penis.

No because the Mr.Felt one was actually really cute, kinda stupid but simultaneously adorable! Like he is so concerned for his lil doggy’s sense of smell

As someone who volunteered for around a year in an animal shelter, it's not just veterinarian offices that u hear some weird shit in Working with animals and owners is a roller-coaster Like, one lady called in and said a stray lab tried to jump her fence and ended up getting his balls caught in one of the small crevices between the fence posts and was just hanging there by his junk. She got him off it and the reception lady at the shelter had to tell her to take him to the vet bc she said they looked like something ruptured. I'm just over in the corner silently dying as the reception lady had to explain that no, we are not equipped to perform surgery on the dogs balls and yes she should absolutely take him to a vet hospital. Easily in the top ten weirdest moments I had volunteering there.

The vet called our cat an idiot and asked her "what is wrong in your head??!!" after she started ripping off weeks of scabbimg with her teeth right in front of us, leaving a deep hole there. Her dumbass needed stitches after that stunt. We have a theory it might be related to allergies of some kind, so she gets no chicken in her diet (except the treats my mom and grandpa get her do have chicken in them... like giving a person allergic to seafood a shrimp 'as a treat')

Finn is no longer allowed within 500 feet of school zones anymore

How about a message i had to leave at the vets..My dog ate deer poo and needs to be dewormed😂.

Here's mine: "Bob, please get your nose out of your sister butt." Only my cats name is Legend and that doesn't sound like a human name.😂

The last one simply ended me 🤣🤣🤣

He better watch it with that whiskey. If he gets drunk and accidentally says that last one to his wife, he's going to end up at the ER for a human dr.

I've just come across your channel. This is the 3rd video, I believe. But after you told Holly to bring it on over, I've never hit "subscribe" faster!!! 😂😂

"Listen it is percectly healthy to lick, but i need you to stop licking the lotion off my hands." -my grandma to her ShiZu.

Reminds me that I need to get a new banana toy for my older boy's bday. He goes absolutely 🦇💩 over them and they don't last long. 😹

"I can treat 42 species."

That last makes me want to cry

Ooooh that banana is my cat Ninni's favorite toy!!! 😻

The banana toy as a phone 😂

This is great!

That last one, oh god... 😭

Catnip banana for scale

😂😂 My name is Holly.

Wow, the last conversation i had with my vet was during a check up. Vet listening to my eldest Husky's heart, "wow I've had horses come in here less healthy" then we both chuckled.

I’m a human vet… love this ❤

When I was a vet tech we had one owner of a bulldog bring her dog in for eating her underwear. It was less then two weeks after he had surgery to remove a different pair of underwear. The owner asked is there a way to get my dog to stop eating my underwear. The vet looms her dead in the eyes witb a straight face and says "get a hamper". It tookall thestrength in me to not bust out laughing. 🤣🤣🤣

Farmers do this as well its just how it is when you work with animals Cows Brake your Spirt (Had a Calf with Trapped Gas recently guess what the Treatment is it it gets two bad the Same as any Swelling area of Gas poke it with a needle) ( Humans also get this Treatment as well with The same issue it's called Bloat it's truly a horrible smell)

That last one had me laughing outloud! 😂 I say this as a woman, but just imagine if a doctor (especially a male one) actually said that to a woman! The universe would explode with her fury!

"If you don't like Charlie spraying on the walls, maybe you should think about getting him fixed!"

He’s so cute!!

The catnip banana!! 😂

"No, sir, your dog's UTI is NOT related to your recent UTI, unless some really weird stuff has been going on"

I remember seeing one where a vet was gonna use the dryer and then just says "omg theres a testicle in the dryer"

This is some post-apocalypse doctor lines.

The shot poured at the beginning really sets the mood for this short 😂

The fart one is kind of sweet, actually.. 😂

Banana phone

"So we had to put them down..."

If I heard a doctor say the last one I'd scream and cry

I feel like those last two have met my parents.😂😂😂😂

As someone who wants to be a veterinarian once i get out of school, im looking forward to this

Ah, the glamorous life of a veterinarian!

As a dog groomer, I kind of want to do a "things we say to your dog that your hairdresser doesn't say to you" 😂

LMFAO OH MY GOD...now that was all funny as hell thank you

Them YEOWWW Catnip Bananas send your cats crazy.. cats love these.. highly recommend buying one if you have a cat.. Best present you'll cat ever get

The emergency room doctors may have said a few of these comments

Actual quote from my mom's dog's vet snip snip clip clip old what a relief it is

"Thank you for coming in and getting Goku neutered."

This made me laugh!! And the comments are gold!!!

Reminds me of some of the conversations I have had with little kids. "Please don't lick the bathroom floor." And the rules I had to set up when my son was little. An example: I had to specify when and where he was allowed to spit. This came up when he almost spit over a bridge with people walking under it, but spitting in the sink after brushing his teeth is okay.

The last one has me splitting my sides 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 And the shot innthe beginning too 🥃

Last one is definitely something a human doctor can say

EATEN?! every baby lmao 😂

I love how everyone at the ball is dressed in styles around 1890s except for that one guy in jeans & black top. 🤣

Imagine hearing these without the context. The way my neck would snap to listen in on the tea. ☕️

I'm retired forensic pathology. My vet let me watch our female get neutered. The ovaries were so small and very little blood. The first male, I was stunned. Sack cut open, pop like a zit, tie off. He handed me the scissors. It was really satisfying! Second male, 2 months later. April 1, a few months later, the 3rd male. I told the vet. He found a forever home but lost his nuts. His reply. No more cats. You're enjoying this too much!

That last one sounds like it's something I've heard a doctor tell my 40 year old mother.

Yes, I heard most all of those things while working for a vet.

I’ve shadowed in the ER and wouldn’t be surprised to hear some of these in there as well lol

Ok, so as a human Holly, I couldn't stop listening like he was talking to me. 😂🤭😹

I have unlocked a new fear, i hope i never hear my doctor say any of that

Oh my God, all I can picture is my grandfather telling his proctologist well if you're going to go that deep at least give me a kiss first 😂

Retired people nurse. I kept my sense of humor by having conversations in my head of what I wish I could say in real life.

I call my rescue cat chicken butt cus every time she brings home fleas she losses all the hair around her back end it's sad but kinda funny we give her baths all the time she's just allergic to fleas and we have 3 cats who like to go outside 😅

😂😂😂 lord bless....those are some wild things goin on!😂😂😂

I appreciate the dedication of always shooting the pouring of whiskey seperately for every video, instead of reusing one clip 😂

Haaaahaaaa! I NEEDED this today. Thank you! ☺️🫶🏻

The last one nearly killed me

Omg, did someone really ask that about the farts?!? 😂😮

Doctors out there: oh you’d be surprised

I know I never have to worry about my gas hurting my dog. If we can all survive hers, she will be fine. And no special foods or supplements can touch them. She is the prettiest, stinkiest sleek muscle princess. ♥️

I'm not gonna lie, I watched this video very confused because I didn't know that this was a vet video

when i worked at petco this man came in demanding e collars. none of us had heard this term before. he was getting all huffy and didn't even try to explain what he meant. turns out he was talking about the cones. he gets on my nerves to this day

I was a technician and I said to one of my coworkers "look at his adorable tiny little bum bum! It's so cute! And I'm allowed to say that bc I'm not in human medicine" joking around at the end of it to them ;)

My cat climbs on my lap when I’m on the toilet. He doesn’t seem to mind the smells.

The last one got me☠️☠️